My Difficult Past

[@GenieP]

Yes, girl, I hear you and clearly your past was horrible. My stepfather molested me when I was an adolescent and so home was never a safe place for me. My teens years were the worst time of my life. I, too, had no friends and felt all alone in the world. But you are young and come overcome all of the bad stuff and find your core happiness. Bless you for sharing.

[@Mc8v36]

this is the most REAL feelings I heard during all my holiday season. That should be hard for you, but thanks for post it!!

[@Bethhappy]

Beth here. I am a MTF and your videos have helped me so much. I see a person the that risen from the ashes, so to speak. I am sorry about your mother. Take care and hugs

[@AntipodalBrink]

I definitely relate to what you went through with having little positive masculine presence and living under a pragmatic, but otherwise disturbed mother. People tend to be genuinely puzzled at how "cold" and rational I can be. This, of course, only extends the difficult trust gap. I tend to unconsciously think to myself, "If this person doesn't have a clue about me or isn't open to a world of possibilities that could have shaped who I am, how can I hope to trust them."

[@VF1AcePilot]

Wow,I don't know how you got through the making of that video without breaking down and crying. I had to pause it several times because it hit a little to close to home for me and caused me to become very emotional. I hope venting about it made you feel better. I never used to cry, but now sometimes I can't help it. I've found it to be a form of self-therapy. Thanks for sharing your story with us, I know it was not easy.

[@JulieADriver]

I had things pretty rough during my childhood, too, despite having two loving parents. I led a very sheltered life, which inhibited my social development- something which still affects me to this day. It's also very challenging living with a family member who is mentally ill. They need someone to love them, like anyone else. And from how you handled things with your mother, she certainly has someone who loves her.

[@killerrodan]

Thanks for sharing your story.Sorry about your mother.

[@tobyr3]

Thanks for sharing this aspect of your life. I hope it helps others cope. I admire your seriousness and analytical qualities. Though this might have come from the way you coped it has left you with qualities that sets you ahead of many others. Wishing you a very productive 2009.

[@shastab24]

My uncle has schizophrenia, so I can understand knowing that you have such family history. While I would never know the hardships of being raised by someone with the disease, I do know how it can affect a family. One of the most annoying things is the fact that schizophrenia is confused with multiple personalities. They are not even similar.

[@MrAgmoore]

Psychology is a relatively late social science: 1850's onwards. Wiki describes the word schizophrenia as meaning "split-mind". Imagine being a Psychologist, trying to figure out why someone was calm one minute, then verbally aggressive the next - it would seem like a split personality. Today "multiple personality disorder" is separate from "schizophrenia" but back in the day, it would not be surprising if they were lumped together.

[@sazji]

So much of our lives pass desiring the approval of others - parents, friends, society. But though it sounds cliche, they can never tell us who we are; that is something we have to find and accept ourselves. There are so many sources of baggage; even if some do accept us it's no help if we are still holding onto the feelings of rejection and not letting our own souls define us first. Keep looking in to that part of you that knows perfectly well who you are, the part that nobody can touch.

[@dizyrache]

thankyou for sharing that hunni!! hugsxxx

[@GenieP]

Yes, you are right. We are trans because that is how we were born. We are not trans because of behavior. Our condition originates in the fetal stage. You are strong in dealing with your Mom's condition, but remember that your Mom is ill and needs you. Don't be too angry...your Mom is ill. The positive side is that there is treatment for the condition. Hang in there, girl. You're amazing!

[@TiradeFaction]

From what I've read, people who grow up with schizophrenic parent(s) are at high risk of developing paranoid personality disorders. That might be the root of your trust issues.

[@NvrEndingTori]

I never said thats why all people like us are different, im just saying that can be a big reason why it happens.

[@LookingGlassThecure]

I feel i can relate. I being born female..Always felt different..Not qiute like the other girls..I have an older brother.and felt like boys had it better..Being a female I felt like my brother or other men were looked up to and more important.. My parent divorced when i was 4..I only received a visit from my father 2 or 4 times.. My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia also when I was very young..she would snap moods and have crazy ideas..It was very hard for me..

[@YoSoySatanas]

You will be healed...

[@endfinity3521]

You look so beautiful as girl ......may Lord give you happiness all your life

[@TiradeFaction]

I agree, which was obviously a result of her schizophrenia :).

[@IChoseTheRedPill]

i admire you...

[@photomad97]

I think you are very inspiring. Also my best friend or my role model, bryan hes gay. But i love him to bits!!! And i dont think it should mater to other people what you are i think it matters when you feel how you want to feel! -Mady

[@NvrEndingTori]

im sorry but that painting behind you is really messed up and its distracting. but anyway im amazed at how well you turned out after going through all that

[@NvrEndingTori]

im sorry if you take offense to this but i think the fact that your dad wasnt around when you were a child is a big part of the reason why you are how you are now. Im a crossdresser and my dad wasnt around as a kid hardly and i dont see him much now. and really one of the top reasons for crossdressing and other sexual issues are caused by a lack of a father figure when your a child.

[@kakafrost]

you are so white and cute.