MY ED UNIT EXPERIENCE - HOW AM I NOW? WHAT WE ATE & DID

[@elzanisingleton]

hello everyone I just wanted to say thank you all so much for being here and taking the time to watch my video, especially commenting! I have read every single comment and you can’t even begin to understand how grateful I am to have so many incredible people even wanting to comment on a video I have made, let alone being so genuinely lovely!! Your words are so kind and I appreciate you all more than I’ll ever be able to say! Hope everyone is well and if you’re having a hard time just remember it will pass and you’re strong enough to get through anything ❤️

[@ducky_508]

I am so glad to have found your new channel from the previous one, and to see you having regained the dwindling light. Life remains an uphill battle, and I don’t think that will ever change, but it’s a matter of where you are starting, and the tools you gain along the way. I recently commented on your recovery documentary, but in case you will not see something I shared on that channel- I thought I would leave it here as well. It really resounded with me when you said that you feel like you wasted time, as I have felt that way in relation to my mental health and struggles as well. My family shares a mantra that often pulls me out of that mentality. We try to ‘live in this moment for this moment is your life’, and this reminds me often that there’s so much more than what was before me, and what will come ahead. In every moment, even moments of suffering, there is some form of joy or gratitude, and I think that something that I really saw in your story. I believe in you!

[@mrobinson256]

Strange how some ppl are addicted to starving themselves, and others are addicted to over eating. Our minds are our greatest enemies. I hope u get better and stay better. Eating is how u keep ur mind and body healthy . U can do this, u r a woman and women CAN DO ANYTHING

[@mrobinson256]

R u on meds for anxiety and depression?

[@mrobinson256]

When u look in a mirror, what do u see? As a fat person, i had weightloss surgery 5; or so years ago, lost over 100 pounds. I still see my morbidly obese body, every day. Other people say they see me and I smaller. Sometimes I catch a glimpse but not very often. I picked up a pair of pants the other day, and wondered who they belonged to, held them up against me, and couldn't believe my eyes, they could fit me. I eat when i get upset, i use to use alcohol to make me happy or numb. Food is not a friend nor a foe. It is life. You eat to live, not live to eat. I can't imagine being in ur shoes, starving and wanting to eat. Like a rabies victim, thirsty but cant drink. Follow the rules u know will help, when that evil voice tries to stop u from eating or getting sick after find something u love to do and go do it. Distraction is our best tool.

[@greenliter1]

@elzanisingleton I don’t know if you will ever see this but one of my biggest fear foods used to be the doughnuts and pies, and sugary coffees(I know it’s a drink but still). One of the biggest rules I ever broke was eating things together (ie chicken sandwich as a whole instead of deconstructed), and also realizing I could have dessert after I ate a meal and it didn’t have to be just one thing. The day I realized those were rules I had made for myself was a day I started to win my freedom.

[@lauranorwar]

I cannot believe that your hospital video caused problems for your other channel. That video was powerful and I know it changed many lives. It was raw and real and your honesty was just incredibly brave. I’m sorry things have been hard, but proud of you for staying strong and taking care of yourself!

[@harrietdarley3145]

The joy of seeing this as someone who was here since 2018, it’s just wonderful. You seem like you have such a rich life now and it’s a privilege to see someone grow this much.

[@georginagurney243]

I haven’t watched the whole video yet but…. I really hope your mum and dad are well and happy. I have never seen two people be so supportive, determined and together through something in my life. During your videos in the hospital when they were upset that’s the moments when I really saw how desperate they were for you to get better and I felt for them so much. I wish you a better tomorrow every day. I’m glad your back!

[@soilgrasswaterair]

It would be very sad if parents weren’t upset in a moment like that. It’s in crisis we are extra reminded how mixh we want people around, you inow, when we might lose them to an illness. With that said. I know the exact moment you are speaking about, and it got to most of us. The utter despair of not knowing the outcome. Which makes this video/update feel so lovely. It felt very touching to listen to Elzani’s reflections regarding her recovery and other things in life plus seeing her sing along to the music while driving on her own. It wraps up how much strength there is in human life and when there is a will. I almost lost a close relative to this illness and to see them full of life again is wonderful. They now work with youth who struggle the way they struggled in their teens and as a young adult. I root for everyone who is struggling to simply exist. One step at the time and slowly a life is built that has more things. It expands through curiosity and trying new things. / Scandinavian *There is a way* ❤

[@Pooroldpossum]

I am stuck in the middle of an eating disorder - have been since I was 17. I am now 51. This year I have watched many MANY of your videos and I hang on to your every word. Thank you - you really do help me.

[@CelesteOcoileain]

I truly hope you find your way out of the ED and I hope you love yourself to the fullest extent because we all deserve that. Stay strong, never ever give up 💖

[@chellyw63]

Hi I suffered severe anorexia for 35 years, in 2010, I was actually admitted to our local hospice on end of life care, I believed the doctors who said that after being I’ll for so long, there was no way to recover, whilst in the hospice, I was sent an email from a lady of the same age as myself, who had been ill the same amount of time,and she was in recovery , this made me determined to try as that gave me hope, I went into a proper ed clinic , under the most fantastic psychiatrist who thought at best I would just improve, he treated me as an individual and he couldn’t believe it, when I embraced treatment , I spent a year in the clinic and they wanted me to stay longer, but a family emergency really meant that I needed to leave and the psychiatrist was also supportive of this decision , going home meant that the real recovery had to begin, I parted from my eating disorders team for many reasons and I found my own independent dietician and therapist , I have now been Fully recovered for almost 14 years, so please never ever give up, life is so precious and my eating disorder prevented me from living, it was a mere existence , here if ever you need to chat ❤❤😊😊

[@kathleendowner6506]

Hi I'm 54 been in out of disorder since 40 it's a tough illness

[@RahabdYah]

I had AN from 17 - 44. Even us older folks can fully recover. Dont give up!!

[@AcidOnTheStreet]

Got bulimia when I was 16, i'm now 31. Half my life... Finally could move out a year ago, and I guess help is far away cause none can hear me in the bathroom and shit, mom couldn't when I lived with her either, too quiet.... Hope we can find a way out some day. Too scared to ask for help cause in a fucked up way I don't wanna get rid of it, don't know why. Stay strong!

[@dovestone_]

The fact that you haven’t been struggling with food despite your other mental health struggles says SO MUCH about how much progress you’ve made. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But you’re so right. You felt like you couldn’t get out of that situation and you could. And this is no different. It hurts a lot but it isn’t forever. You WILL get through this I promise. Sending so much love 💗💗💗

[@snacktivist]

It makes you consider how much different life is without the eating disorder. When life is hard and things are super stressful, the eating disorder just amplifies it all. Thank God you are better Elzani, so that you can have at least the base ability to face the other life stuff. And remember that everyone struggles, you are not alone, and we are ALL here for it xo

[@renemurphy4244]

Darling girl, you are so precious and we all love you and connect with you so closely. Thank you for starting to film again. My heart breaks for yours. I wish things with Ben had worked out. I am a lot older than you, your mum's age actually and from this end of life, i can see that life is a series of joys and sorrows and fears and questions, all in succession. You are experiencing life now, all the ups and downs, really for the first time because your ED had you on pause for so long. You were in survival mode then so you are just now starting to navigate the ups and downs of love and life and learning. Be easy on yourself, darling girl. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. Talk to your therapist and your dear mum and your bestie and us (please) about all your feelings, whatever they are, in the moment. Thats how you process and heal your heart. You are so loveable, so worthy, so wise, dear one. And you WILL have the full, healthy, wonderful life you deserve and dream of. Keep taking care of your miraculous body. Keep talking. And keep looking forward. WE LOVE YOU, Elzani ❤

[@katharinaschneiderr]

I've been with you from the very beginning (your old channel included) and I can say from the bottom of my heart that you've truly helped me save my own life. I can't even begin to describe or put in to word the importance of you, sharing your journey with me and thousands of other people online. I remember when I was at my lowest, I always turned to your videos. I rewatched them multiple times and you always mannaged to spark some light in me and bring the motivation like no-one else could. The day you posted your hospital experience was at the time I was at my worst too. You made me feel less alone and I felt like I was fighting this fight with you. I could go on and on for ages and probably take up too much of everyone's time, reading this long comment but all I want to say is just thank you Elzani. Thank you for being you, bringing me hope and helping me reach this point today at my healthiest point in as long as I can remember. You made me chose life. Thank you

[@blablabliss123]

Elzani I used to watch you back in the day and I just came to see what you're up to these days. You are a DIFFERENT PERSON. YOU SPEAK DIFFERENT. THE LOOK IN YOUR EYES IS DIFFERENT. YOU'RE SO PRESENT AND ALIVE AND HUMANNNNNNNN. I HONESTLY WANT TO CRY WATCHING THIS

[@lornatw]

Oh no, I didn't realise the other channel was lost. That's horrible! Your channel has been nothing but inspiring and heartwarming no matter how raw it was in those first stages. There was so so much more after that time content wise and even during it but also help wise for other people. Is there any way to get any of the content back at all? Even just for your own memories? KZbin is so confusing and inhumane when they make the choices they do and the ones they don't make but maybe should. Thank you again for sharing with us your life and feelings. You're such a wholesome person and so genuine and strong and kind and thoughtful. Always putting out the best wishes to you and your family ❤

[@thepeacechannel7083]

It's strange...I still see the account and videos when I search the channel!

[@katherinegaryclarkegoddard7365]

So do I. I don’t understand?

[@samihabintarahmat]

Elzani, i am an eighteen year's old girl who had aneroxia since i was 15. Your were the first KZbinr who encouraged me to recover from this horrible thing. I am really grateful to you. I watched your videos many many times and when ever i saw it i felt so encouraged that i can't express in words. Thank you for being so brave seeing you made me strong too i am still fighting with this ed but i have hope that oneday i will win. And i want you to be happy cause seeing you living a happy really motivates me. I really love you alot❤

[@NiaCerys001]

Elzani, I just want to thank you so much. Watching your old videos has literally got me through these past couple of months. Take the time you need to grieve those that aren't in your life any more. Remember, you haven't even come close to meeting all the people who are going to love you. WE love you so much x

[@thevictorianvampire1155]

As someone who has been in this for 15 years, been on the edge of literally dying bc of my ED, this video lowkey worries me... bc I know when things get tough again and life gets difficult, you start to reminisce and romanticise your ED and the time being in the hospital... it's strange, but it starts to feel safe, and you start to miss it. I hope it's not what is happening right now to you, Elzani. You have come so far, you have seen how beautiful life is without the ED hovering over you. Things might feel tough right now, but as you said, it doesn't last forever. Suddenly life will feel amazing again, but not if you go back to old patterns or live in the past. Just saying this out of pure concern and experience.

[@LolaBathory]

I felt this way about the video topic as well. Especially because it focuses on food and eating. From a psychological standpoint, it could be saying that she has been dwelling on when she was at her sickest. And that may not be the healthiest set of thoughts for further recovery. I hope she has a trusted therapist for recurrent inpatient treatment dwelling, & can feel like herself again

[@greenliter1]

According to instagram she is doing wonderfully ❤❤❤ I know that’s only one portrayal of it but she seems honest and I haven’t seen any posts about her struggling as of late which is amazing

[@ellienicolexo]

“It’s not gonna be forever” - so right. To say “I survived the deadliest mental health disorder” and to have my LIFE and PERSONALITY back - no amount of words can express how happy and joyful I am for that

[@lara_Penzel]

Elzani your videos have helped me so much with my ED. But also I realized along the way that without my ED my mental health wasn’t automatically cured. So I relate a lot to you. All the best wishes to you! ❤😊 You seem like such a strong person! Getting your heart broken can be so hard! I truly believe you can get trough anything. All the best from Germany.

[@ginapavlikovsky988]

Elzani, you were one of the people that really save my life. I had anorexia when I was 16 to 21, I was nearly to death, and I started my recovery after seeing you get better and seeing you happy again. Now I'm fully recovered and enjoy colorful life again. You were my inspiration and I really admire you how amazing person you are!! Thank you for your videos, I hope you get better and I wish you love and happiness ❤❤❤

[@kerryjeanmorse3471]

Elzani, I think of you so often. I think you are one of the bravest people I know. Know that your light touches people many miles away (I'm in South Africa). Keep on shining

[@Ravenlovesbingy]

I'm so proud of you 🧡 I just celebrated my 1 year recovery from anorexia on October 11th, 2023 and your videos are an inspiration. May God bless you and continue to work through you to help others in their journey to recovery

[@tatteredquilt]

Post whatever you feel is good to post- I get a lot out of these videos. I'm getting help (again) with a restrictive eating disorder that I've had for 43+ years, after an early childhood of being paid to lose weight by my mom- when I wasn't fat. I'm "atypical" if there's a label. I'm so glad that you are so invested in recovery. I'll be 60 next month, and go through the same things with food as i did when I was 17- it has caused so many chronic health issues, and the chance to finish at the Univ of IL (in US). You help a lot of other people. TAKE CARE of yourself- and things will fall into place. I'm so sorry you've been going through so many things- and I'm so glad you're talking about them. "There's no way out but through" is what I was always told, and it's true. I love this when I'm having a hard time - kzbin.info/www/bejne/oYO2pKF4Zsagnc0

[@curlyhairedwoman]

Welcome back warrior woman! Its ok not to be ok, and its so brave of you to speak publicly about all of this. Ive been watching since 2018 and following you on instagram since i had a indirect eating disorder from my emetaphobia. Your strength has always been admirable, please never stop speaking your truth and doing your best. On behalf of every viewer, thank you

[@katiem88]

Missed you Elzani! Just remember you’ve made it through every hard experience in your life so far to get to where you are here, so anything you’re struggling with now will soon become just one more thing you’ve overcome. Keep your head high my love xx

[@emilyclare3051]

Elzani I am absolutely heartbroken for you, for everything you’ve been through and are going through. I’m so so so proud of you for getting the help you need and not letting the ED steal anymore of your life. You’ve got this, you’re amazing, never forget that 💪🏽 Everything you said about the ED unit was spot on. For me it made me mentally worse as I was surround by so many people struggling with things I wasn’t and seeing and hearing behaviours that I had never experienced before. I was just there to get things done…complete my meal plan and get my physical health back to a stable level. But luckily for me I left the unit and went home to flourish. And flourish I did!!! 18 months on after my admission, I am back at uni studying for my dream career, living alone, and being discharged from services in 2 months after spending 4yrs of my life under the ED service and being in and out of hospital. This is your sign that you can do hard things and it may be stormy now but it doesn’t rain forever. We love you Elzani ❤❤❤

[@ev3ru]

Ah Elzani! Always been a silent watcher but been around for a while! Hearing you reflect on your experience giving your words of wisdom made me cry, well done you! Life is hard and you’re doing so so well. You got this girl.

[@GracieMoon90]

Awh Elzani, the pain of going through a breakup in recovery, its brings up all the negative feelings and questions of not being good enough. But I have been bowled over by your strength consistently over the years, through really difficult times and you've got this. Things will be OK ❤

[@Oldesoss]

24:09 Wow, same!! I just tried to rush everything to get out as quick as possible (same time as you in 2018). I really regret not just taking it more smoothly and actually using the help I had back then, because I just struggled a lot again when I got out and lost a tonne of weight as a result. Looking back now, I wish my now 22 year old self could go back and just say to take your time and listen to the doctors, psychologists, etc, because everything will fall back into place faster if you accept the help. So great so see you back on KZbin again!!!

[@juliafisherlmmortalbeauty9119]

I’m 48 and have suffered ED from childhood binge eating and getting very over weight and then periods of anorexia however when u are very over weight it is not recognised more encouraged and praised for weight loss. It’s only when my weight drops too low it is seen as a problem by others. My weight is low at the moment and your videos have really helped me to seek professional help thank u! U are so beautiful such a sweetheart! Stay strong u are doing amazing!!! Xxx 💖

[@catherinewilkinson30]

No this makes me so sad. You can get fully recovered. I have been fully recovered for 20 years and let me tell you it just gets better and easier and life gets richer. Put everything else to one side and commit to that recovery. You can do this. ❤

[@juliapichla1471]

Elzani, you'll never understand how glad I am to have found this channel. Something told me "there has to be another channel, surely it'll pop up." It has, and I'm very glad it did. I have been watching your videos from your old channel for about a month now. You're truly one of the strongest people I have ever seen, and you have a community behind you that'll support you no matter what. I'm excited to see more videos in the future.

[@amicripps8330]

I have been with you on your journey virtually since the start...I've been waiting for this and your return queen!!! Havent even watched it yet other than the 1st few seconds and girl I am proud of everything you have achieved!!!!

[@TheNelora]

I remember finding your channel when you entered treatment and I am so incredibly proud of you for overcoming your ED and healing both your body and your mind. I've never had your kind of ED but food has always been a struggle and I've had an incredibly hard year where I thought about giving up many times. I've gotten back into weightlifting and started seeing a therapist. Like you said, just because life is hard right now doesn't mean it will always be that way. Thank you for being such an amazing inpseration and sharing your journey with us ♥♥♥

[@cosyabi]

i’d love to see a video like this, but from your mum’s perspective and how she managed with you being away from home while you were struggling and how she tried to support you, etc :) xx

[@mystiqueivy]

This was beautiful as always, Elzani. You are a really talented filmmaker. I am always so enthralled when you are speaking. Luckily, I have never suffered from an ED, but I admire your strength and courage so much. You have such a beautiful family and such a beautiful outlook on life. Everything you said was so wise and poignant and helpful. You never know who you can be helping and saving with your words, and I'm sure this video did that to someone. So thank you. Thank you for being here and putting yourself out there, especially at your most vulnerable. I'm sorry about the loss you're dealing, both with your family members and your ex. I'm sorry you're hurting 💔 breakups always suck, but it will pass. Hang in there ❤ in the meantime, please take care of yourself, and know we are here for you! Not going anywhere, I love any content you put out and I'm looking forward to seeing your next upload, whenever that is ❤prioritize your mental health! 🙏 sending you a massive hug 🤗

[@adellebelle2537]

You’ve done amazing I’ve watched you since your first video and you was super unwell. I’ve also had an ED since a child and I’ve been sectioned many times. More time in hospital than not… which didn’t help. What finally helped me was when they told me I’m pallative care, I will die and no more hospitals which were all under section (extremely unhelpful and more traumatic than anything else ive ever experienced). When they let me out, I got my shit together. Il always be up and down with my mental state, weight, food. But I’m soo much more better and happier than I’ve ever been. We are strong, we fight and no matter how many slips we have we get back up. This is just a blip in your life of feeling low and you will feel happy again. Keep going strong. Sending my love. ❤😢

[@cyntmacz]

So glad to see you on here. If you don't know it- you are a true teacher. You have actually taught me a lot. It takes more than courage to bare your soul the way you did on here- and to do it at your most vulnerable time in life. Blessings to you and your special family. I will always be touched that they appeared on your channel at the toughest point in your recovery. Some people are just not the "on camera" type. Family will often cringe when a video camera is pointed in their direction. Here is a true example of family prioritizing what is important and fighting that instinct to be private when the camera does not feel comfortable. This is a rare thing to actually witness on video and I know it has impacted many who have seen it. Keep thriving and living and learning and teaching!!!

[@jademusic1211]

I'm so sorry about your breakup, Elzani, and for the losses in your life.😔💔 You're incredibly strong and an inspiration. Good for you that you had/have your mother and rest of your family to help you through your ED challenges. I still struggle badly and recently relapsed with one of my behaviors.😞 It's hard because I'm much older than you and have battled this demon for about 40 years, and I don't have a support system. If my mother ever knew, she would have said I was doing it for attention, I'm sure.. so it's wonderful that you have a great relationship with your mother and you were able to work on your recovery with her support. I hope you feel better and that things get better for you.. and I'm sorry about your channel. It's crazy that Eugenia Cooney can glorify her illness and get away with it, and you try to educate and you get punished for it. Such is life, eh?😔💔 Anyway, please take care of yourself, sweetie. I hope the next time you post that things are looking better for you.❤️❤️

[@iola4451]

So glad you are back. Like you said, you will get through this too and when you're out the other side you will feel so so good. Coming from someone who got her heart so badly broken by a guy who 'lost feelings' for me. The worst pain but the happiness I have now is so special. I love your Christmas vlogs and when you sing in vlogs (like at the end of this one), and just comfy homey vlogs are my favourites. So much love

[@livinglifetothefull247]

Elzani it’s so lovely to see you again on here, I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup and family losses, my heart goes out to you, I understand it takes alot more strength to keep doing everyday things such as showering, eating, it’s good you’re acknowledging your struggling with your MH and talking through things, and reminding yourself why it’s good to look after yourself because you have energy then for enjoying life, and like you say, you’ve been travelling which is awesome. You’re such a wonderful person and I can hear you are a caring person, sending a virtual hug, and hoping for things feeling better soon…hope you can stay friends with Ben, i know it’s so difficult to start with. X

[@user-pf8iq6sw2u]

you seem so much more human this video as well, i’ve noticed you were always so robotic like always just slow and staring, this is nice to see

[@pippaanning673]

This video really made me cry, it gave me hope, it made me realise maybe I do want things to change, maybe it isn’t impossible! Thank you so much and it’s just amazing to see how you are, you’ve got this xx

[@thepeacechannel7083]

Elzani I'm confused because I still see your other channel and videos! Which I'm happy about...so nice to see a new video from you here:):)

[@Jordy.but.call.me.Sabrina]

My dear this is so heartbreaking and I'm sending you love and light.❤ it's so sad to see you go through a hard time again. I know how you feel. I hope your family is doing good and take care of you.cheers you up. Thank you for making videos.I've been a follower for 4years now. I'm still struggling with my mental health,but your videos help me to fight back,even your Mom in the videos is such an amazing helper for me bc I'm mostly alone bc my mom moved away.

[@judynichols9189]

It is wonderful to see you back on KZbin. You are a remarkable young person. I’d love to see an update on your family…..fur family included.

[@jessicaaguilar368]

i love you elzani. heartbreak is so hard to go through, especially when the other person ends it and you're madly in love with them. I miss my best friend too but it gets easier. You just have to give it time. You're so strong. Keep fighting for your happiness, peace and love. I am so glad you have an amazing family. I don't have an eating disorder but I have really bad anxiety. The only thing that is constant in my life at the moment is the love and support from my parents. I am so blessed that I have had the best support.

[@JN.S.M]

I remember watching your videos a few years back and being so inspired by your resilience to recover to help others and that helped me want to be better too. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling, and after all these years, I see your wisdom shine though. So I hope you remember in these hard times how far you’ve come and how beautiful you’ve grown and that you’re going to be okay because of it ❤ Sending you lots of love and strength.

[@JacquelineLinford]

Hello lovely thank you for sharing your story . It may sound crazy but listening to you has helped me I've suffered with anorexia since my early teens had really good time's and been in charge but also I've had blips along the way and now a big relapse at the age of 62yrs old . Just thank you for sharing and being you your a very beautiful person inside and out . I wish you love and happiness 😊 Xxxx

[@luann4691]

Omg elzani I can't believe what an absolute gorgeous beautiful woman you became. I can absolutely cry, you came so far, i am so proud 😭😭😭also big big millie bobby brown vibessss❤❤❤❤❤

[@NatalieHarrisonLim]

I have been watching you since the week you posted your If I don’t do this I will die video. You have come so far and I’m so proud of what you have accomplished. You are so unbelievably strong and all your pain is valid. You are so right that things will get better and the sad never lasts forever. Not only your future self is cheering you on, but so are all of us. Love you lots and keep on taking care of yourself🩵 you’ve come so far in 5 years🩵

[@NatalieHarrisonLim]

Also your DBT skills really showed in this video 😂 DBT saved my life and I still rave about all those skills like D.e.a.r.m.a.n and stuff😂

[@andrea.andrea]

so glad to making a video here and wish you all the best, we all appreciate you here and admire your vulnerability and honesty

[@mooni-journey]

Im so happy to see you coming back! Sorry to hear about the tricky things in life lately, but you are so brave and Im sure you will grow out of it!!! Please keep posting :)

[@urban_fox4658]

I just came here from watching your hospital video on your other channel. I’m so thankful it’s still there. I cannot believe YT took it away from you or that there was ever an issue when there are HORRIFIC videos on this platform which have absolutely no business being here and are doing true harm. 😤😡😭😩 *sigh * Elzani, what a beautiful woman, a beautiful soul, you are. When I first saw the thumbnail for this video, I thought it was Millie Bobby Brown (yes, I’m from the US states Lol). How healthy and vibrant you’ve become! SO VERY PROUD OF YOU! I’m so, so sorry about your breakup. That’s just one of the worst pains. I know you’re going to get through this, though. (Even when you don’t feel like it ❤). I struggled with an addiction to pain pills for 10 yrs (mostly Rx, but also stole them from family and friends) and after 13 yrs in recovery, I can’t imagine ever being that person again. One thing I noticed about when I truly felt I was recovering, were the moments I realized pills not only stopped being my 24/7 focus, but that I found I had not thought of them at all! First it was hours, then days, then weeks. Finally, it’s been years. Those were just the BEST moments (I still smile about it!). I’m wondering the difference in how much you think about and talk about, food when you’re not struggling very much (or at all), compared to starting to struggle and then, in the midst of struggling? I think the more time and energy we give (from idly thinking about, to obsessing over) to things that have chained us before, the more we miss out on other things in life! What do other people think of that? ❤❤❤ Blessings, courage, and LIFE to you all!!

[@nurselora681]

I’m so happy to see you back making videos. Life is full of challenges and you’ve come so far. You are now better equipped to handle whatever life throws your way. You can do it!!! I’m struggling with the weight gain once I began eating again. I would like to see a video on how you coped with gaining weight. Thank you and remain strong.

[@upsidedownrose7102]

This is one of my favourite videos you've done: raw honest, listening to your talk, helpful advice. It's a lot kore interesting than just watching you review meals and food (although they are inventive and look delicious- if you didn't work in construction you could totally write a cook book). I love watching you just being you

[@JAff-cy8ij]

Welcome back, I am very happy to see you again. I am old enough to be your mom, but feel like we are friends. Your insight is valid and valuable. We (everyone) need to just talk, to be heard, to relate, especially when we have a lot of isolation. You matter, you're important even to people you don't know. That is a difficult truth to grasp, but so true. Keep trying, keep waking, stay gentle with yourself.

[@JennyWelham-f5x]

So good to see you back! You’ve been such a big part of my own recovery -love just hearing about your life & how you cope. Such an inspiration, Thank You. Hope there’s many more videos to come……

[@lynneleverton8825]

I could never add to all these heartfelt comments. I'd just like to say, I don't think you realise how beautiful you are both inside and out!!

[@fayeholloway6070]

You got this Elzani! Heartbreak/Grieving is incredibly tough emotionally and it's easy, almost "normal" to fall into old thought habits during these times. But the fact that you recognise this and know it's not right, tells me you got this. You're seeing a therapist, you're speaking to us too, you're doing the right things, and I hope they're helping. You've got an amazing supportive family. I'm just remembering my last breakup and how horrendous it was, he actually wasn't a very nice person in the end, but he'd been my best friend, my soul mate, and I felt like my heart and soul had been ripped out of me, I was numb for over a year, and I didn't know how to get through it, but I had to, as I have a son. And I'm glad I kept going, because looking back now, it would have been incredibly silly and selfish not to have. You're awesome, you have a very healthy outlook on life, and this experience, whilst absolutely rubbish, will make you wiser and even stronger (although you're pretty badass already)! Peace out, keep sharing ✌️ Ps: loving the pj's vid in the car by the sea vibe.

[@RahabdYah]

Elzani, I've been in recovery for 10 years and still it's hard sometimes. Struggling is normal. It's how we respond to the struggle that determines recovery. I think you are doing so well!!

[@LOVxxE]

So glad you are back Elzani, beautiful words of inspiration and wisdom in this video. The dark times will pass, they teach us lessons and develop who we are! Trust in the Universe! So excited to see more of you and your beautiful energy

[@Juwlz]

I'm so glad you are back! Whenever I see someone talk about struggling with ED on social media or mention that they find themselves watching a certain creator that they know they shouldn't watch because it triggers them, I suggest your channel because you are such a inspiring, great example of how much better things can get once you choose recovery, how even though the journey to recovery is scary and long, it's worth it. The joy you show with food, the closeness with your family, things the way you fought to get your life back, it's inspiring and uplifting and gives hope and I hope some of the people I've directed to your channel(while saying, I know she hasn't posted recently but just watch the old stuff 😂) I'm so sorry you are having a hard time and I truly hope things get better ❤ losing a relationship is like grieving a death, and I'm qualified to compare the two because my husband had the audacity to pass away on me 😢 we got together as kids, I was 14 and he passed away when I was 29. He was my world, my best friend, the person I shared every random thought that ever entered my head for nearly half my life. The end of a relationship is like grieving a death, suddenly that person is just gone and sometimes there is nothing that can be done to bring them back, and then you also have to mourn the version of the future you imagined you'd have together, it's so so hard. It will start to heal, but it takes work (I don't like saying it'll take time because sometimes time isn't enough, I have stayed single for years following his death and I'd see people I know whose spouses died, moving on and remarrying a year later and I just didn't understand why some people can move forward and meanwhile, it wasn't even a option on my mind, I had no interest, I was fully planning on being a 30 something spinster forevermore. But time and work, you can heal❤❤

[@watchingyou7945]

Elzani dear, you are having to face life struggles without using your past eating disorder to lean on which is so hard. Hang in there, we all go through loss, but it does get easier with time. Go out and have fun with family and/or friends, maybe to a concert. We love you and are here for you always.💖❤️‍🩹

[@TheCrandons]

Sooo happy to see this Elzani! You are an incredible human. Never forget it xxxx

[@_Aoife]

Lovely to see you back, Elzani! So sorry to hear about everything that's been going on. You are a fighter and you can get through anything. Break-ups suck, but they help us become stronger people. You will one day meet someone who will love you just as much Just to let you know that your videos helped me so much, in times when I needed it most and the times when I didn't think it was possible xo

[@kelseyreid9338]

I absolutely loved this video 🥺I am so proud of you and how far you’ve come it’s inspiring

[@paulaguasch8647]

I ve been here since the start and I just wanna say thank you for existing elzani❤ you ve grown SO much, I hope you are proud!!! And I am very sorry about the break up, take it slowly, little by little, and take sooo much care of yourself. Greetings from Spain☺️

[@nicolaannbarnes4617]

So lovely to see you back making videos again Elzani! Please please please do vlogmas this year 🎄

[@loveskating4eva]

You are the best ed recovery story I have ever ever seen. Keep going

[@chocmint]

i'm so proud of you and how far you have come. you are one of the main creators who helped me with my recovery. i'm so happy to see you back elzani

[@joaniepinsent8868]

I would love to see a series on your channel of doing things you couldn’t because you were sick! So you can show us walking the dogs, swimming, going for a run, trying to make new meals or desserts etc!!

[@calmbeforethestorm6941]

I watched you alot in 2018-2019 while struggling myself with an ED, and i just happen to think of you again and wanted to check in :) I'm happy to see you're doing better overall, even though life is quite hard sometimes. I'm especially proud of you for pushing yourself and still being positive

[@delibird3202]

Elzani, you’re incredible. You don’t realise how much you helped me recover. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. Life is full of ups and downs, you just never know what tomorrow will be like, so keep pushing forward! 🤠

[@hannahw90hw]

I discovered your ED hospital video last week and I love to see you on Instagram lifting weights and looking fit and strong!!! Well done ❤

[@genius2655]

I understand this feeling more than words can express. Whenever I feel low, or even when it is a particular time of the year when the weather resembles when I was at my worst, it just reminds me of my whole experience. I just have to remind myself, in low periods, that this is not the same. I am not the same. The situation does not have to become the same. I have never gone through a romantic break up, as I am still in my first relationship, of which is rather strong. However, I have gone through some terrifying 'friendship break ups' that resulted in people turning on me, and those were the very people who had been my source of help and comfort for years. You've got this. Remember that this situation is not the same, and it does not have to be.

[@xDelase]

Oh darling why did ur old channel got into trouble for your documentation? However Id like to say ALL your videos helped me in a way and made me feel not alone and I hope youll never feel pressured to put videos from any of your channels down. Thank you or being so open, so real. ♥

[@tinamarie7777]

The singing is definitely my favorite part!!! 🎶🥰🎶 I’m praying for pain lessened for you Precious One, I’m a older lady but I remember that pain and it’s horrendous 🙏💔 You are always such a light in trying to lift up others through your healing! ☀️

[@BB-ux5wd]

Oh my goodness I'm so happy to hear from you . I've missed your inspiring vlogs. Thank you for being you .

[@marie-kristinkrohn5008]

That is one of your best and honest videos. I love to hear from your real life and struggles. I will pray for you. In my whole journey Jesus helps me to survive and gave me comfort in every situation. Singing worship songs also helps me a lot. Music is a such a good gift from god. I hope to see more videos from you in this style in the future. Maybe you can speak about what do you for living and show your normal day and eating habits. I wish you all the best and send you all blessings and a big hug from germany ❤

[@Emmz88]

So glad you’re back making videos again! Whatever vids you put out I’ll be watching 😊

[@Ella-ps1lg]

I'm so sorry to hear about your break up. I went through one myself this year - and I know the pain you're in. You will come through it. Despite going through such a tough time, where you are now is just extraordinary and so inspiring to so many people. Sending you love!

[@celedhion]

I know it's easier said than done when you've invested so much time with another person, but your worth isn't defined by their love or validation. You don't need anyone else to complete you. In the end, we're all we truly have, no one else will know you like you know yourself. Take that knowledge and let that invigorate the love and reassurance you can take within yourself.

[@tidingsASMR022]

God will never let you down. Matthew 5:3-12. Have and do struggle with ED's, self esteem/mental health issues, breakups, divorce, and work in healthcare with many losses but these are things and feelings we will not be taking with us when we leave this place. There are so much more glories and wonders in this life as you have mentioned. Thank you for sharing your personal struggles and allowing others to share. Let's be free from what we can while we can.

[@TheAwesomeCezzy]

It would be cool to see you reacting to you old videos ( if it’s not too triggering ) and explain how you were feeling compared to how you would feel in that situation now 😊 so pleased at how far you have come it’s amazing to see ❤

[@deborahshore-robinson5800]

You seem so mature and articulate. It's amazing how if you don't feed your body your not feeding your brain also. You have helped so many people. Have you tried joining some groups. Not ED groups but groups you would enjoy. It's nice to see you again. Good luck keep going.

[@jennyrigby7701]

Love this style of video, hope you manage to do them regular ❤

[@kecrn4132]

Agree completely!!

[@Enigma32174]

Break ups are such a terrible traumatic time for anyone- it was a traumatic time in my life too. It will get better my love x

[@mariebeach5864]

I have missed your vlogs so much ❤ you are one of the resons i am where i am now with me recovery the healthest i have ever been you are amazing you deserve so much happiness, hate to think of you so sad sending you lots of love ❤️ xxx

[@summz13ify]

I just remember where you used to be and rooting so hard and so much for you. I still am, but i am so proud of you. You look so healthy and are just glowing. I am so, so overjoyed for you.

[@ginger94]

Glad you're back 😊 would love to see a day in the life video! Thanks for sharing ❤

[@sharonkemble7325]

Elzani you are amazing...I have recently started binge watching all your videos and it has been such a pleasure to watch your journey...I have absolutely loved all your Christmas videos...im really sorry to hear about your relationship breakup with Ben ...please allow yourself the chance to feel it and grieve for what you have lost ...its so normal. I think you have a natural talent for these videos and by the looks of all the comments you are truly appreciated. You girls have made me laugh you have so much fun together...take care xxx

[@katherinegaryclarkegoddard7365]

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Please don’t let the eating disorder come back. They have a habit of coming back when your life is difficult ❤

[@Kleigh8484]

Elzani, I have followed you since the beginning and I am so proud of where you are and how you are handling this current point in your life. Break ups are REALLY hard, I promise you that it gets easier in time so keep on keeping on and we all have your back! I hope you keep posting more, love watching your videos x

[@georgiabb]

Your channel is such a big part of my recovery thankyou Elzani

[@CaitlynEdwards-sn5gf]

"future you is cheering you on" I love it what amazing advice

[@lindac3395]

So very happy to see you back Elzani! You look sooooo beautiful! Have missed your broadcasts! I love your DIL videos! You are such a creative, smart, loving person. Yes life is short, live it to its fullest! Think of your videos as a stream of consciousness, you will look back at them in a year, two years or whenever and you will realize how good and bad life can be and you got through it! Cheers🎉🎉🎉❤

[@kirstiepea]

Thank you so much for making a video. I really empathise with where you're at right now. Not because of a break up, but I'm also going some really hard stuff and feel at quite a low point too. Like you, I've previously been in an ED unit and met some amazing psople there , but equally never, ever want to go back. I'm sending so much love, strength and solidarity your way. I genuinely feel so lucky to have found your channel, many years ago, and to still be able to follow your journey now. Keep being you. x

[@kitterzy]

I stumbled across your vid late at night and as a mama to two adult kiddos (21 & 23), I couldn’t help but feel your pain. I have disordered eating and have been through phases in my life where I was bulimic in my teens, binge eating in my 20s, and disordered eating the rest of my life. Major depression has been a part of my life since I was in 8th grade. It was untreated until after I had my children, and I went into a unit for SI (i had been injuring for 23 years at that point). It literally saved my life. Unfortunately, it didn’t save my marriage of 24 years. As a mama, my advice is to keep your support system close when you’re struggling with depression. You don’t want to wake up at age 30, 40, 50 and wonder where your life passed you by while depressed in bed or on the couch just trying to get through the day. I was angry with myself in my late 40s that I wasted my 30s being that messed up. There are still times I struggle with thoughts of SI, but I have only relapsed once since I left the my inpatient program decades ago. Your DBT program has the same skills I had to learn as well. You’ll need these skills for the rest of your life-for instances beyond the stressors around food. Keep your support system around you, therapy, or even medication if you need it. I’m still in therapy even though I’m very self-aware. It’s still good. It took me quite a while to find the right mix to be functional. Just keep moving forward. You’re not living if you’re not scared of the challenge. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come (and I’m a stranger). 💖

[@agirlandagadget3093]

You are such a beautiful person from the inside out, and such a light and inspiration to so many people. Thank you for sharing your experiences so honestly and eloquently. Sending you hugs and love from across the globe.

[@mian000]

So happy to see u back. I am watching u since the beginning and watched literally every single video (some of them even twice)

[@mariamsaab4441]

You're so human. So fierce and strong. Love your vulnerability and honesty and wholesomeness. Such a beautiful pure soul. Thank you for inspiring me all these years Sending lots of love and strength. You've got this, keep going. Truly truly it will all be okay❤

[@madmousetales]

Elzani I'm so happy to see you! But I'm also sorry to hear about what's been going on,. I know too well how painful that is. But I want to say that your videos are more valuable than you probably realise. You helped me sooo so much last year when I was at my absolute lowest. Being in a unit is my absolute worst nightmare, I get so triggered by seeing other ppl with EDs D: It's the competitiveness I think. But you got through it! You are so strong! Sending lots of love and cant wait to see your upcoming videos xx

[@cassielynn5563]

Elzani my heart breaks for you. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for once again being so vulnerable. You’ve conquered hard things in the past and you’ll do it again. Hang in there. Hugs to you and the fam. ❤

[@RahabdYah]

Im so sorry about your break up. Telationships are difficult, period. It is a testament yo your recovery that you are allowing yourself to feel the pain, rather than starve. I know that doesnt make it feel any better.