My Ex Is Emotionally Detached

Clay Andrews answers the question of "What can I do if my ex is emotionally detached from me?" To find out more about what your ex is thinking please check out this series: • What Your Ex Is Thinki...
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If your ex is not open emotionally to you, there are a few things to consider.
First your ex may be going through a natural period of being emotionally unavailable. This is very common after a breakup for most people. However, is it a short-term of emotional unavailability? Or is it a long-term issue with your ex?
Emotionally unavailable psychology tells us that most people come out of this period if they were emotionally available to you before and during your relationship. But if they were unavailable during the relationship as well, then you may be looking at a different situation here.
Emotional unavailability aside, your ex may be posturing after a breakup as well. That is to say, they might be feeling a lot, but they are trying to hide their feelings in order to give the impression that the breakup has not affected them.
Of course, this is only an act, and you should understand that they truly do feel a lot beneath the surface of it all.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for watching. If you want to learn more about emotional unavailability, check out this series: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hqfdlJuMoMedfck

[@SUZUKI1777]

an ex has no right to demand anything after breaking your heart.

[@3333-o5y]

I just wanted to thank all the amazing channels like this, I don't want to jump the gun but this channel was a huge help.

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome. I'm glad it helped you.

[@tornartist]

It's like I don't want to waste the emotions on someone who wasted mine and I don't want to waste any more emotions on them.

[@derrickmoon3296]

Yeah I'm ready to move on

[@madisonreynolds4130]

This is so relevant to my life right now, I'm glad i found this thank you

[@ClayAndrews]

You're welcome.

[@starman9283]

Broke up 4 months ago, did no contact for 2 months and broke it a couple weeks ago. Took your advice I tried to start it off slow but the she was very closed off and didn’t even give me the chance to build up a connection, airing me even before I got past the ice breaker. I know you recommend against this but I want to call her up “Drunk” and tell her how I feel in a collected manor because at this point I’m over it a lot more and I don’t see that I have much else to lose. On the other hand I could see her on a train back from college and sit with her as she sits with one of my friends but it’s a lot more risky but it would be a much more slower build up but she probably wouldn’t want to sit with me on the train. I’ll be leaving all these videos soon as it isn’t healthy but you’ve helped me a lot and was hoping you can guide me one last time. Thanks clay

[@ketobodybuilder2482]

Best think to do is flip it. Act like you do not want it anymore either

[@staytingleliscious8738]

Clay, I‘ve been following the ESP since August 2019. Against all the odds my ex and I are at New Beginnings now almost four years after he broke up with me. We are technically back together again... we just haven’t made it official yet. It seems like my ex feels it’s easier to just organically slide into being in a relationship with me again. Given the current positive mood and our deep emotional connection, I don’t want to bring up the couple-talk. Do you think it’s best to wait for him to bring it up himself? It seems like the best course of action to me since this way he’ll feel he’s made the decision to be with me again himself. Anyway, thanks for your great work. You are one in a million 🙂.

[@katyafromrussia1996]

It's been almost a year since I started watching all your vids🙈 it really helped. thank you Clay. Greetings from Russia🙏

[@ClayAndrews]

Awesome! Thank you!

[@mscat543]

My ex bf said he just pities me because i am so hurt from him breaking up with me.

[@timepassvideo4713]

I dont know why but whenever my ex leaves me i become more handsome😉

[@angelvega7737]

Through hours and wonder I needed to know this. Thanks clay!

[@ClayAndrews]

Happy to help!

[@chriscline7905]

I think every ex thinks we have ulterior motives, we were in a long term relationship and ghosted out of nowhere. She doesn't think Im asking her for coffee to catch up 4 months later. I want my stuff back, closure. She talked this big game at 1st putting me down, going out, adding guys on social media....now crickets. Nothing, doesn't post, doesn't go out, just depressed. What can I do? She said she is traumatized and emotionally unavailable

[@atheistinalabama4206]

You can definitely get your stuff back but closure is a pipe dream!!! Then again I'm a pissed off woman who just got dumped after 20yrs of marriage & 2 kids for no damn reason so what do I know 🤷‍♀️ Good luck to u man, sounds like u deserve better💯

[@chriscline7905]

@@atheistinalabama4206 She is non confrontational. Built up anger at me, exploded and went on this 4 month shit talking party behind a screen, in person she would never act like this or say this stuff. A lot of unresolved trauma over past issues with her. I still have house keys and my mail is there for over 4 months she refuses to give me? I don't get it, she wanted to break up so bad but whenever I push the issue she backs off about ending it ending it....but won't respond after reading my messages either? Its like she completely shut down in every way

[@atheistinalabama4206]

@@chriscline7905 If u don't mind me asking, how have u tried approaching her about this?? Angry, compassionate, everything & have all attempts resulted the same way?

[@ClayAndrews]

Just concerned, is she clinically depressed? If she is, it will be really challenging to deal with her. She'd probably need professional help first.

[@chriscline7905]

@@atheistinalabama4206 Its a crazy breakup.....so here it goes. I met her in Nov 2016 I was coming out of a 9 year relationship and her a 3 year relationship. She friend requested me and monkey branched. She was head over heels in love with me, jealous. Everything was great, living together in love, plans of marriage. Two years in I got really ill, We talked about it and I had to quit my job to get better(her idea) It would take 9 months but she had to support us. 1st 2 years I spoiled her badly, spent $8,000 on her in 1st 6 months, flowers, trips etc. When I got sick it sucked, I had no money, lost 30 pounds, started getting needy waiting for her to come home. Still cooked dinner nightly, did our errands. She NEVER showed she resented me, the night before she dumped me we had passionate sex, kissed me that morning and told me she loved me so much. Then texted me at work and flipped, Im done, I don't love you anymore, move out immediately. It was shocking, I thought must be another man. I let her keep all the stuff and left. She bashed me on social media, I used her, I'm a narcissist, Im toxic, Im Satan. I NEVER talked shit. She said I owe her for 9 months of bills. (Her ex ripped her off for a new Harley she bought him and categorized me with that) I did the opposite, did not date, sleep with anyone, got a great job, gym daily and added 27 pounds of muscle since. She blocked then unblocked me on Facebook 3x, blocked my number. Her dad broke his neck 3 days after breakup and had to move in, she totaled her car, our 15yr old dog died she loves so much. She lost her mom to alcoholism and brother to suicide and never dealt with it, her dad is a hoarder and alcoholic. I give her $1,000 month to pay her back. I have house keys and my mail stuff there she won't give me. I have her lingerie, she said she is traumatized and hates men and wants to be alone forever. Posted profile pic and 40 single guys hearts I don't know on it. Kept 50 photos of us up, kissing, gifts, my son, our family? Reads my messages but won't respond when I ask for my stuff, if I should move on, is she seeing ANYONE? She usually posts alot but nothing in weeks? IDK what to do or what she is thinking? We NEVER fought, had a great relationship. She knows I have women pursuing me I'm turning away and dont need her but want to make this work

[@aramisaramis7784]

Great video as always 👌 can you do one who explain how to get more meet ups ? Me ex only see me ~ once a month

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi Vargas, we talk more about that inside our course. Would you like to learn more about how to get more meetups with your ex?

[@stevenfernandes9402]

Nice one brother. Thanks for sharing your insight

[@ClayAndrews]

My pleasure. ;-)

[@atheistinalabama4206]

What if they have a biased voice in their ear reassuring them of how they made the right choice & they are the victim because they're a perfect angle who does no wrong as always 🤷‍♀️

[@frankgonzalez966]

Narcissist

[@ClayAndrews]

We can't control other people. We can only control our actions. If you focus on improving yourself and bringing that to your interactions with your ex, your ex will eventually have to process and question their own decision.

[@atheistinalabama4206]

@@ClayAndrews I agree with you. Unfortunately, I don't think the momma's boy man child I'm referring to is capable of such or has ever entertained the thought. Clearly my situation is beyond reconciliation but I enjoy your insight on relationships anyway, so thank you!!

[@yinpongrass6185]

Mama’s boy is a metal disability in my opinion, they can’t truly love you. Stay away and best of luck to you.

[@atheistinalabama4206]

@@yinpongrass6185 I couldn't agree with you more!!! And thank u, feels good to hear nice words these days, I don't get that too often & I sincerely appreciate it 💯 Best wishes to u as well🙋‍♀️

[@joegarland2228]

Me and my partner have lived together for two years, and we have looked for a house together then a couple weeks ago she decided to close on a house by herself without me and that she’s needs to by herself. We are stilling live together for a couple more weeks. She’s pulling away and we have lost our way and I’ve emotionally damaged her. We still talk and we have had a couple of good dates and have been intimate. She’s wanting to try but she has admitted to talking to another guy and that she’s going to stop pursuing it that way and sees him just as a friend he lives in another state. I’m trying to give her more space but I still don’t know how to get her to connect?

[@jennw109]

Love the videos! Only down falls on some videos your volume is sometimes super low

[@ClayAndrews]

Thanks for the feedback. We will look into that. :-)

[@neressakotas4396]

the thing is I really don't care. I feel absolutely nothing towards them

[@mehmetbecker6778]

almost 5 months she is stiil emotionaly detached

[@ClayAndrews]

Since 5 months has been passed, would you reconsider reorganizing your priorities since she is emotionally attached for now?

[@mehmetbecker6778]

Yes i did all. That changed everthing still nothing!

[@jessteubner9928]

Well it's been 3.5 months since he broke up and his last text last Sunday really sounded like he is totally done for good. No emotions at all , actually no emotions in all texts during the last month at all ..

[@kaitlontaylor324]

What ended up happening

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

Update? Did they ever come around?

[@giovannimorgan8728]

Update??

[@neressakotas4396]

yes we got back together and then he when with someone else. and told me in a very patronising way.

[@LT808HI]

I wish my ex would contact. Not even thinking about the rel but just friends. We were friends before dating for years. It wasn’t a bad break up. She did initiate a lunch out of the blue recently and it went well but then after that... nothing. Wish we could just talk again.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hi LT, at times, waiting and hoping for a result to happen will not be helpful for us. We have to take action so we can see the results. That is why we advocate for an active approach instead of being passive.

[@SS-in1ts]

Thanks Clay

[@johnnycalderon9951]

If we not trying to work it out what's the point of talking? I'm not your friend I'm your buddy I'm nothing. I told her don't reach out unless we trying to work it out. Your wasting my time. We adults not kids.

[@ennydelray9689]

My ex broke up 4 monthe ago after 5.5 years. I moved out 2months ago. I did no contact, we meet up 2-3 times. She said to break up was not how she thought it would be. She is isolinting her self from family and friends, she told me shes not happy, even sleeping with some elese is not working. She wants to habe contac, but then suddly she wont have contact. I now start no contact again.

[@cycolburn99]

enny delray she sounds avoidant

[@ennydelray9689]

@@cycolburn99 you want belive it, but 1 houer ago, she worte, she wants to have contact but not every day, and she said shes sorry for hurting me and she want to get help for her...I am so sorry but I dont know how to react...I am so lost...p.s sorry for my english🙈

[@cycolburn99]

enny delray that’s good she wrote you a significant reply.

[@ClayAndrews]

It seems like she is emotionally confused and needs to sort her emotions out. Give her some time to work on what she wants and to further assess what she really feels without putting too much pressure on her about being in a relationship.

[@ennydelray9689]

@@cycolburn99 thank you so much!

[@realmsofthespiritarts8557]

Well my ex was like that before. Bf during and is like that now. He’s an extreme avoidant. :( I know deep down he cares. But it hurt me so bad he broke up with me and then his mother died and now he’s processing and he moved out.

[@bigduke178]

Mines left town and calls me from time to time to talk about house but then begins to tell me she doesnt miss me even though I dont ask and then tells me about her sex life.

[@ClayAndrews]

Hey @Cecil, it seems like she is showing some mixed signals. She could be at the Test Drive phase.

[@sanaaomar5124]

How can we build a connection with an ex if they are walling us out and not responding when initiating interaction with them ?

[@ClayAndrews]

@Sanaa connection is a two-way process. Meaning there's a sender and a receiver. An emotional connection does happen when your ex starts to open up. If your ex wants complete time and space, respect that wishes for now because she won't that emotional capability to connect as what you both want at the moment is not aligned with each other.

[@oddurjustinussen3542]

Audio is very low

[@patriciaandjudgey1442]

yes it is