My experience of EMDR (personal video)

A few people have asked me about EMDR - eye movement desensitsation and reprocessing therapy, which is the therapy I've been receiving this year to help with my PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) symptoms. So in this video I've shared a little of my own experience. This is a video with a personal rather than a professional hat on and I can only really share how this therapy has been for me rather than give a more general view, but I hope it might be of interest to some of you, and provide a little insight to anyone who is considering embarking on a course of EMDR.
I hope you find this video helpful. Please take a moment to leave a comment about what you did and didn't like or sharing your own ideas or experiences.
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[@albertrowanalbertyn9531]

Dear Pooky, I did EMDR December 2022 for about 6 weeks. It was the hardest thing I ever done but I was running out of time and I had to do something. I thought I was loosing my mind on a daily bases. I’m 6’4 255 lbs and a Mr fix it Physician but I hid my PTSD for 2 decades. It was also a very humbling experience because I had to put my “ I’m invincible” attitude aside and confront my demons head on. I lost a very important person due to me loosing my shit during therapy but looking back it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I’m six months symptom free and can do things that were impossible a year ago. When the time is right I would like to share my experience with others and be an advocate for PTSD and EMDR, it literally saved my life and would love to see it available for those who can not afford it. Thank you for your videos. Albert

[@CdotDixon]

Thank you so much for making such a clear and honest account of your experience. I'm starting EMDR next week and have lots of hopes that it will help reduce my symptoms and allow me to recover.

[@PookyH]

Good luck - I hope it goes well. It's hard work but once it starts to impact and you begin to feel yourself getting your life back and seeing that it doesn't always have to be the way it has always been.... it's kind of incredible. Please be kind to yourself though and give yourself the time space and right support you need to keep yourself safe and and well whilst you work through the process. I'll hold you in mind and hope it goes well.

[@finity9316]

Update ?

[@kathyannk]

I was just about to start EMDR when the virus happened, so I’ll have to wait a little longer. I’ve done a lot of research though. For people who are afraid to try it, please know that any “conventional” therapy that addresses trauma is going to require you to go *through* the pain in order to get to the other side. There is no way to avoid this if you want to heal. EMDR is a much more rapid method of going through it, which is partly why the painful memories can feel so intense. Driving through a bad storm is an awesome analogy. Also, childhood trauma can get buried deep in the sub-cortex of the brain, where you literally cannot reach it on a conscious level. This means you may spin your wheels for years trying to let go of the pain with more conventional methods, to no avail. EMDR works by rewiring the neural pathways, which no amount of talking, journaling, etc, can do. (Not to say conscious work isn’t important and helpful). I’m really glad you shared this, Pooky. I wish you all the best. Thank you. 💛

[@JL-fz5kn]

You did great at sharing and describing. Thank you for sharing yourself.

[@velvetturtles]

Thank you so much for being so bold to share. I'm in EMDR and I feel like my brain is on dial-up. I'm functioning ok. But, it is like a dam being broken

[@hankscorpio1845]

I'm also doing EMDR atm and it's getting really hard atm, I'm functioning but I'm hurting at the same time

[@velvetturtles]

@@hankscorpio1845 I hope they equiped you with enough resources to get you through until your next appointment. I also started Safe and Sound Protocol and I'm hoping that will make it less intense.

[@mandyniezen3845]

Stopped at 6:50, that is where i am right now. Had some major anxiety the past two months, managed to control it last week and had nu first emdr session and i feel like i'm taking a step back.. which is tough. I'm so glad you're shearing your experience, so we're not as alone in the process!

[@PookyH]

You're not alone... it really is tough. My therapist always reminded me that this was really hard work, but it was brave... and that when it felt hard that probably meant that I was making longer term progress, even if it didn't feel like it in the moment (when I was a blubbering wreck!) Good luck

[@autke290]

I have been doing EMDR for over a year now, and this is spot on, on how it works, and help you better yourself. Thank You.

[@autke290]

I like the "Car driving through the rain analogy."

[@gitanesca7]

I was spiraling this morning but listening to you helped me get some perspective. I’ve started the EDMR process and had my second session this week. I’m doing them 2 weeks apart to give myself time to adjust to the reprogramming. You have explained it so beautifully and truthfully and I really thank you for sharing your experience. I’m so happy I found you - your videos will help my healing. In Spanish you are like a ‘curandera’ - a healer 💜

[@Wmom18]

You are so fabulous!! Thank you so much for sharing a little bit of your story and progress!!! 💖 💖

[@Shareloveorg]

Thank you for sharing. I’ve had the worst responses after each session, things seemed to be getting better however and it’s so encouraging to hear your experience.

[@butterbean3892]

Thank you for sharing. I found this very helpful ❤️

[@AndalusianIrish]

I applaud your bravery in posting this. A close friend of mine has P.T.S.D. so I have some sense of how hard it can be.

[@PookyH]

thank you - and thanks for taking time to watch and comment. I hope your friend is doing okay

[@AndalusianIrish]

@@PookyH Not really. He is 50 and very stubborn. Childhood trauma and trauma from the armed forces. Great guy but very hurt.

[@nicola1466]

Thank you for sharing this, love your beautiful dog ❤️

[@diannameza5185]

What a complex and honest description. So appreciative.

[@lcbee1]

I have watched a number of your videos and I want to tell you how amazing I think you are. At the point in your therapy when you made this video you are glowing and beautiful in your recovery. You have the most beautiful smile. Very inspiring! All the best to you from Lucie and family in Ottawa Canada.

[@navillehector7121]

Really appreciate this vid. Glad mental health stigmas are slowly melting away and in some cases being exorcised immediately! Thanx for this!

[@morganalexis6147]

So glad I reclicked onto this video :') I've been living for the moment when I could have my first time...I'm also in deep threats of similar things, it just helps me to know that at least the first session feels relieving... I've been so emotionless and numb

[@MsGnor]

Thanks Pooky xxx

[@bebaaskaful]

Thank ypu for sharing. Ive spend so many time on therapist, and felt sometimes worse than before. Ive searched so much, and Im starting to work with EMDR therapist, and she is also somatic experience therapist which is good. I resonate with suicidal thoughts, and this is why I had a lot of fear to come on to some process which can bring me up to difficult memories. But, the point is, I dont have anywhere more to go right now. I have a son, Im a single mother, suffering from PTSD, and it getes harder to cope with life. So, thank you for youre support. It might be a difficult expirience, but this life with so many triggers is also very dark, and Im freezed. I dont want to go amy longer on this path where I dont find myself anymore. So Ill go up to this expirience of EMDR therapy. Thank you a lot

[@remissao13]

Pooky, thank you so much for this video. Really good content! It was exactly what I was looking for. May I give you a suggestion? What about changing the title and description of your video to include CPTSD in it? I work in video production and came to realize that the right title makes a big difference. Again, thanks so much for telling your story, I'm considering EMDR to treat the consequences of long-time Adverse Childhood Events.

[@daveclarke4875]

Very insightful. I work with victims of crime and have heard more and more about this type of therapy and can now describe how it works to people I work with! Brilliant description. Thank you for taking the time to describe it all! 👍

[@jt6563]

Pooky, thank you for sharing your experience, it has touched me deeply. How are you doing now? I'd love to hear. I'm in my 50s and just now realizing that all the failures (career-wise) have been affected by my childhood trauma,. I made it through my 30s and 40s, but my drinking increased heavily, I didn't know I was drowning my feelings. I knew I had a rough childhood, but I didn't think it had affected me in any way at all, until a lot of feelings and flashbacks started surfacing at work, especially during meetings with my boss or conflicts (especially conflicts) with other women. I walked out of jobs, (literally walked out, and just said, fuck it, I'm outta here). I couldn't handle it emotionally. I have felt like a failure in my career, especially in my 50s. Through my therapist and talking, I have been able to get to the root of the trauma, abandonment, and rejection from the time I was born, The situation was worsened when my mother had to leave me (8) and my sister (9) who was disabled, behind to go another country to get a job so we could eat. we were left with people unknown to us, that were horrible to me and my sister. I had no voice. nothing. 5 years later, Mother came for us, but apparently, the damage in me was already done. I really thought I was fine, and I never held it against her, I never hated her for leaving us behind, I am grateful. But now, all this crap is surfacing and impacting my work life. I will be starting EMDR this month, I'm excited about addressing this and putting it behind me, but also super scared. I just hope to live the rest of my life in peace. I've heard people say, just move on, is in the past, just stop drinking!! but those wounds are so deep, and now I have a deep understanding of what childhood trauma is. 😞

[@thememama5456]

I'm 17 and I had emdr done to me today. Afterwards it left me feeling really light and relaxed. I was giggly and was able to think properly and idk I felt creamy like butter? lol I know it sounds weird. I recommend it even though you may be a bit light headed afterwards because you are more aware than you usually are. You might have vivid dreams too but idk cuz I haven't slept yet haha.

[@rachelblackwell5207]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I have the same diagnosis and my therapist hopes we are able to do EMDR in the future once we establish reliable methods I can turn to in order to self soothe and regulate my emotions. I don’t remember my childhood sexual abuse but she believes I’ll be able to recover memories through EMDR. I don’t know about that though, but I don’t know... 🤷🏻‍♀️ I feel them in my body but struggle to recall, consciously. It’s a long process but your explanation helped enormously. Sending you big hugs

[@PookyH]

I'm really glad it's helpful Rachel - it is a funny old process but lots of people seem to find it really powerful - I didn't realise what a grip PTSD had on me until I began to make progress with it... good luck - and just remember there's not a right and a wrong way to do this, it's about finding your own way at your own pace in a way that feels okay for you.

[@rachelblackwell5207]

PookyH thank you so much ❤️

[@rockerNMr]

Thank you so much! I will start with EMDR next week and I’m kinda freaking out. You sharing your experience is extremely helpful. Lots of love from México

[@PookyH]

Good luck Isabel

[@MO-ws2tn]

Thanks for sharing this.

[@tammiwood3937]

I’m currently doing EMDR and the way you describe how it goes during processing is very similar to what I’m doing. I have taken off work while doing this treatment and am pushing thru...thanks for sharing. My therapist also does fingers back and for to get REM going. I’m hopeful.

[@PookyH]

Hey Tammi - I hope it's going okay; it's such an important investment in yourself and your future . Good luck

[@lizastevens8291]

Thank you Pooky. Xxx

[@PookyH]

Glad you thought it was helpful xx

[@louisawatts3157]

Thank you for your video. It does work I have to say, I am two sessions in after 10 weeks of prep work. I feel not like a scared little girl anymore.

[@josephpacetexas]

Thank you for sharing.

[@rileyhoffman6629]

I'm 70. Don't wait as long as I did to find your best mental health.

[@marianna3833]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have PTSD from some stuff of a similar ilk which went on for many years. I did TF-CBT in CAMHS but it was horrible as I couldn't be open about how complex and ongoing my situation was for many reasons. Not being fully honest made me feel like a fraud. This experience has prevented me from agreeing to have any more PTSD therapy, its nice to hear that you are quite in control of it and can talk openly. I would love to be able to do that one day

[@PookyH]

Thanks for taking time to comment Marianna and I'm sorry that you can relate and I"m sorry that your past experience of therapy wasn't wholly positive. I have found this to be a tricky journey that has taken a lot of time, and I've only been able to move forwards with it when I was really ready. Part of me wishes I'd gone with EMDR sooner, but I don't think I'd have been ready before. As for the fact I can talk about it - that is really new and a direct result of the EMDR and the sessions I had around that. It's still a work in progress and honestly there are some things that I don't think I'll ever feel able to verbalise without a huge amount of pain - but I don't think that's unhealthy, I think it's just that I've had some objectively horrible experiences. One thing I have found is that being able to finally talk about some of those experiences has really helped them to lose their power over me. After one of my EMDR sessions I met a close friend for lunch in a very public place and he prompted and listened whilst I talked aloud for the first time about a whole heap of stuff I'd never ever been able to put into words before. I cried, a lot, it was hard, it was sad, it was a lot of things - but boy did I feel better afterwards.... (Sorry I'm wittering!) Anyway - good luck with your journey... keep fighting... you deserve to be happy and healthy and well xx

[@marianna3833]

This is super detailed and lovely response. Thank you. You do amazing things and I wish you happiness. I ended up telling a kind person from church many things and it was a bad idea as they've hardly spoken to me since: I don't want to know what is going through my head. Ι hope maybe one day I can just say a thing somewhere and for the world not to end because of it. If you ever feel up to it, would you ever do a video about how to disclose etc- or indeed how you did it. NP if you'd rather not of course xx

[@PookyH]

I'm sorry that the person you confided in hasn't responded in a helpful way - it may be that they just don't know what to say - that is often the problem - but our brain often tells us all sorts of negative reasons why people respond in certain ways - I hope at some point you'll be able to have a further conversation with them Re disclosing - you might find this leaflet I made a while back helpful - I made it with a bunch of young people who shared their ideas about how to ask for help: docs.wixstatic.com/ugd/b5791d_81e997d6a4bc451db0e37015ff4b67e5.pdf Is that kind of what you're looking for? If not let me know a bit more about what you're after - I think it's a great idea for a video and definitely one I'll add to my list, just want to make sure I get it right so it's helpful for you - if it helps you, it will help others too. xx

[@manenoml0341]

Good start iam starting emdr next week but for my assignment is to practice my save place. the five sences.pstd

[@emmac9260]

Thank you for this. It's so helpful to listen. Quick question more about your experience of trauma rather than the EMDR. I wondered how you moved from not being able to verbalise things to being able to say it.

[@PookyH]

Everyone is different so I can only share my own experience but I started by writing some of it down and then sharing that and / or saying it aloud to a very small but very trusted few. My biggest move forward was having a very big cry in a very public place with an incredibly close friend who just let me talk and cry and cry and talk as I finally talked aloud about the most difficult part of my trauma. I have found telling people I love a little and finding that their response is always love and kindness and none of the unkind thoughts of had about myself all these years has been very helpful. But it was terrifying as for the longest time I guess I believed they would hate & judge me me as I hated & judged myself - but they didn’t and finally being able to just be a bit more honest about it all and finding forgiveness first in others and then myself has been a total game changer...

[@mattmatt9539]

Thankyou so very much for sharing xox

[@mandyniezen3845]

Dear Pooky, i have a question that i stumbled upon in my own emdr session: have you ever had a session where you were too scared of experiencing the feelings that come with memories you have to think of? I distance myself a lot from the things i have to process and so i tend to have difficulty allowing the negative feelings in order to process them. Has this ever happened to you or are you in such a safe environment that you can let it all be? And if so, did it take long to lift the barrier and start feeling the negative experiences?

[@PookyH]

Great question - and yes! I definitely have had this experience. My therapist generally encouraged me to try and continue forwards, but sometimes I took a little longer between sessions. I sometimes went into defence mode and found it harder to engage in the sessions but generally I explored this with my therapist, talked about why I was scared to take the leap and thankfully had a good enough relationship with him that I could trust him to guide me. I am also very lucky and had people around me who were happy to support me after tough sessions. Long and short - I hear you and definitely wanted to stop sometimes, but did find that ultimately it was hard but very much worth it... I hope it's the same for you!

[@OK-we3il]

thank you thank you thank you! :)

[@eugeniat5460]

Thanks so much

[@terebertuccivoicemusic9821]

Thank you, I'm just starting emdr and I'm not sure if it's for me, I thought I needed something more embodied...but your video helps me, maybe I'll give it a chance.

[@PookyH]

Good luck. I was not keen but it was a game changer… I hope it helps you.

[@morganalexis6147]

@PookyKnightsmith when you went through your experience, did you feel any releases inside of your body also!?

[@rraychul2]

I have ptsd from repeated trauma incidents in my early teens. I have had trauma focused cbt with early intervention in psychosis. that helped massively with feelings of self blame. however the anxiety and paranoia had never left and continually got worse. I started a new therapy this month and he suggested emdr to me today. this video has been so helpful in explaining and preparing what may lie ahead. my worry is of course in between the sessions since I get quite suicidal anyway but I have heard nothing negative in the long term from people explaining their experiences with emdr. I feel like it's the step I need to finally regain control

[@PookyH]

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences and the impact they've had. It sounds like you're working really hard on trying to move forwards. It can be hard to know what to try and where to turn can't it? I'm really glad the video was helpful - it's just my experience but hopefully will help you to work out whether it's worth a go or not and what to be aware of if you do go with it - I think you've summarised it perfectly, it's a step to regain control that is incredibly difficult in the short term, but hugely positive in the long term - or at least that's been my experience so far. It's hard to think quite what low lows I hit whilst doing the therapy earlier in the year, but it really was very short lived and the very very low lows soon made way for me finally feeling like I could get the hang of life and start to plan for the future. Plan carefully and be kind to yourself... Good luck x

[@GG-mn9ls]

has anyone else experienced migraines after EMDR? i get them for a day or two after my sessions. my therapist says they’re normal. been a lot of ups and downs since i started a couple weeks ago. so super helpful to hear your experience btw. thank you!

[@YoutubeGirly93]

I started my EMDR last week and the day after my first session I was physically sick and felt nauseous and just ‘off’ all day. Very odd. So yes you’re not alone

[@Lyrielonwind]

I feel more depressed than ever and having nightmares each night. I also sleep a lot after a session. I'm wondering when I would be able to sleep without nightmares.

[@ReCoIL171]

I'm due to start emdr. My issue is Hypervigillance all the time. I hate it. I hope it helps with this.

[@chewbear]

If it’s not too personal, I’d like to know if you did EMDR while on medication? I may have to start taking anti-anxiety medication soon, and I haven’t yet started EMDR. Thanks☺️

[@staleyexplores]

do you find that climbing is hard to do for interpersonal relationships, like your belayer/friends?

[@PhinixEchoWisdom]

hello I have never heard of emdr therapy but I just started therapy and my therapist suggested me to try emdr but my fear is that I will be vulnerable and broken down with all my traumatic experiences is that how it is or am I over thinking it?

[@catsaresocute650]

Oh I am w you in the I don't know how much is memory and how much is trying to fill gaps and how are much maybe isn't real? Like I just generally suck tho

[@Ian-Steele]

You are a wonderful ‘tail-light’ 🚘😄

[@PookyH]

Thank you Ian!

[@AA-ex5nq]

correct me if i’m wrong, what i know about EMDR you have traumas that you know and in the session you’re asked to recall the memory and you will start, but how about if you have traumas but you can’t recall a specific ones, what will you do, in that case is EMDR effective?

[@Chopsyochops]

I had my first emdr last night and had a bad reaction today. When I had the session I found myself crying afterwards. Then I cried at home, then I cried today at work under pressure and walked out of my job to work from home until I calmed down. I’ve had a headache since and I feel deeply sad today. Very raw and insecure. We did the treatment with the hand buzzers, the eye movement and the noise headphones.

[@PookyH]

I'm sorry to hear that Christina - I hope that things have settled a little since. My personal experience was that it was incredibly hard at the beginning and things felt very very hard for a little while, but as I worked through the process things really improved. I had to really trust in my therapist and think carefully about how to get the support I needed between sessions. It did improve with time and now I feel like I've got my life back and am very glad I persevered... I hope that the same will be true for you. Good luck xx

[@christopherm6725]

I’m going through emdr right now. 1st session was very freeing, 2nd session has been very challenging afterwards. Feels like I took 2 steps backwards and then one tiny step forward during this one. Random crying, feeling kind of out of control, heightening anxiety, horrible sleep. It’s gotten a little bit better but still very exhausted. Does anyone have encouragement after experiencing side effects like these?

[@mm-ni3op]

I was wondering if I do not have a memory of incidence, but I have the anxiety and fear , would emdr help me ?/

[@pamelabach3766]

I am going to start EMDR therapy and I am frightened.i Mostly because I am alone. I don't have people around me for support. Only my dogs. My situation involves an illegal arrest and what happened to my while in custody. I have bi-lateral Meniere's Disease which causes severe debilitating vertigo. I was tortured by the environment and the guards accusing me of faking my inability to stand up and walk etc. I was thrown into a solitary cell where things accelerated my trauma. I have kept the experience in a box buried in my head in order to function. I want the therapist to video tape my sessions in case someday it can be used as evidence and eventually change the system and protect individuals like myself. Is video taping ever done? How does the Statute of Limitations come into play when situations are exposed through EMDR?

[@PookyH]

Good luck - I really hope you find a way forwards. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. I'm rooting for you

[@Eden-vb4qr]

Does Medication hinder progress in EMDR or CBT?

[@mattisalli1331]

Do you benefit from EMDR if you have problems in remembering concrete traumatic instances? I have problems in remembering my past but I feel all kind of things, from anxiety to depression.

[@PookyH]

This definitely sounds familiar. Sometimes I"ve found that the process helped me piece things together though I never know how reliable the new memories are, but if it's what my brain needs to make sense of things and begin to let go and move on then it's serving a purpose...

[@BeatsByClover]

starts 1:45

[@freeflow1402]

How many session need to recover

[@mihaazbe9422]

3-10 it really depends on person, environment, type of abuse, how much time has passed... hope you recover soon

[@BeatsByClover]

some people say edmr doesnt work

[@PookyH]

Yes - we're all different and what works for one may not work for another of course.

[@DrJohnAKing]

Very well done 👊...For your info, if my thoughts aboutPTSD&CPTSD can be of use to you, let me know #drjohnaking

[@margaretseverinomansfield3127]

Meditation 5 mit sleep

[@margaretseverinomansfield3127]

I need sleep Help meditation