My Family Gaslit Me Saying I Was At A Funeral When I Wasn't r/Relationships

[@Earbrass1]

If mother complains that OP didn't come home for holidays etc, she should reply "But I was there - don't you remember?"

[@kisstune]

That was what I was thinking.

[@doctordetroit1217]

@Earbrass1 Good call!

[@justjane2070]

😂😂

[@Letha-AnnCooper]

Fabulous

[@janetlynne-s1x]

Perfect😂

[@damien678]

"The family has been drama-free" I'm sorry, OP, but there's a chance this isn't the first time they've gaslit you

[@Passions5555]

Agreed. This unhinged behavior doesn't come out of nowhere.

[@kisstune]

@@Passions5555 Yeah I feel op leaving town and loving it there was her subconsciousness knowing she's been constantly gaslit and protecting her and getting her out of there.

[@ThatsViews]

Or other people? Nobody just starts being this nasty and manipulative.

[@jogermaine8600]

Just posted this. Even if it wasn’t specifically gaslighting, mom is a narc and has definitely used a narc type of abuse before. And I agree with the above that OP’s subconscious realizing that she was out of a mentally abusive situation was part of that ecstatic freedom she felt upon moving. It was like listening to my own story. We could be sisters.

[@TheAuthorgal]

@@jogermaine8600yikes! She’s DEFINITELY controlling. I’ll bet brother still lived at home because she guilted him any time he wanted to move out.

[@TheArnaa]

Looks like Mum played a stupid game and won the stupid prize of her son moving to the city instead of her supposed power move gaslighting her daughter into moving back home. 🤣

[@KyrieChii]

The irony. 😂 Who knew nasty manipulative behavior pushes people away from you instead of bringing them closer.

[@Iflie]

Yeah, moms were used to living in their little bubble where everyone just did as told. And they couldn't handle it when OP refused to comply. Sometimes things seem all roses as long as you obey and then when they go full Karen you see long term manipulation.

[@megannason3649]

​@@KyrieChiithis is a lesson my mom will never learn. It totally broke her mind when i finally went no contact over how she treats my brother and sister and I. She still doesnt get it and dad still thinks I'm going to "move home" even though I have lived a state away for almost 20years.🤦‍♀️

[@KyrieChii]

@@megannason3649 I'm truly sorry you (& your siblings) went through that. I have a lot of manipulative extended family that ended up being cut off, so I know how it is. But I know it's also incredibly sad too. Good on you guys for doing what you needed to live a healthy life.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Kinda reminds me of a movie from the 90s (can't remember the name) with Gwenith Paltrow and Jessica Lange, where a woman manipulates her son and his pregnant wife into moving from the city to her big farm house so she can control their life.

[@noizycat]

Funny how some people would rather lose their childen than admit they were wrong. Glad OP held her ground.

[@hunnykun101]

Their 'pride' is more important 🙄

[@Nerdificent]

IKR? The sick power move to get her daughter to move back home is bad enough. The double down and continue with behaviour that pushes her son away as well as OP makes me question why she wants her children back home. I rather suspect it has more to do with power and control than it does with love for adult children.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Small town curse. I'm from a town of 1,200 people. It's in the water or something.

[@ZombieSazza]

@Gabreyaexactly why I went no contact with my bio mother so many years ago. Her pride means she’ll never admit she neglected me, forced me to care for my brother like he was my own child, that she got him to violently attack me on her behalf, that she regularly told me I was “the reason” she wanted to unalive, that I am actually disabled no matter how much she tries to convince others I’m somehow “lying” and an “attention seeker”, it goes on really. She’d rather keep hold of that pride and never admit she ever did anything wrong, she’s a constant victim and the world is against her, clearly the child abuse survivor is just “bitter” and “spiteful” and not just her daughter who desperately wanted to be loved by a mother who actively hated her. She will literally rather never speak to me again and (badly) attempt to bad mouth me online (she’s immediately called out on this by her friends, I get updates whenever this happens from mutual) than ever admit she is in fact, WRONG. Narcissists are just beyond selfish, they can never admit guilt, or acknowledge their behaviour, or accept they are insanely controlling and damaging to be around, they’d rather play the victim and lose all contact with their child(ren) than accept actual responsibility!

[@paperkay]

All of them. When it comes to parents? They would rather die than admit to their children and social circle they were wrong. They will spin the story in their heads to make themselves the victims and never stop spinning it.

[@moonyollie6977]

I really do not understand how they thought doing this would encourage her to come back instead of pushing her further away. Guaranteed these women were bullies in school.

[@SchoolVideosGoHere]

OP's father has horrible taste in women. If your ex and your spouse get together to bully your child and you just watch, you've truly F-ed up

[@Passions5555]

Yeah, serious mean girl vibes. OP's dad sure knows how to pick 'em, doesn't he?

[@ksbs2036]

Oh wow I had never even considered the girl-bullies in highschool. Great insight!

[@Nielak-dg8nj]

Well somehow Reddit convinced OP that 10 people where suffering C02 leaks instead of the obvious. Not that much of a stretch they could manipulate her into moving home.

[@beatrixthegreat1138]

Mean girls that peaked in middle school.

[@invertedghostgames9899]

There's a pretty easy solution to this whole thing, at least in my opinion. Many would call it nuclear, but it would send a very clear message. Simply tell them the following: "You decided to take away any chance I had at saying goodbye to my grandparents because you wanted to be petty about me not moving back to that small town. I heard about your little mortality scare. Until i get a genuine apology, and you openly tell everyone you lied, you'll be lucky if I even consider coming to your funerals. I'm just fine forgetting yours, just like how "I forgot" I was there for theirs."

[@hrobinson9701]

I agree with this messaging to the mom. At this point, it is likely the only way that mom might back down. I even think it should be posted on social media so that the secret is out and more people are aware that mom's story about the funeral was not accurate after all.

[@twit3537]

@@hrobinson9701 Not only OP and OPs husband (maybe his work buddies too who can support both of them weren't there) should make their own posts with 'proof' and then also have the bro make his own post owning up and then calling out his family, maybe post how demanding the mom is about controlling her kids with a screenshot of the text 'demanding' he go home. I would then tag them, the great uncle, the church they go to there, literally anyone I can in that tiny town and watch them burn. Only thing I would be concerned about is the moms sound delusional enough to come to OPs house since they know where they live and harass them there or try to 'forcefully' take the bro back or intimidate, guiltrip or gaslight him into coming back. I would put up cameras with OP because the moms, specifically their bio mom, seems like she would be willing to take extreme measures to control not only the kids but the narrative.

[@brianbarber5401]

You might keep it as simple “in the future, when you’re sick, needing help, and at your own funeral, I’ll be there for detour just like I was there at my grandparents funeral. I hope that gives you comfort for the future.”

[@truebluepatriot2739]

💙🇺🇲 Bummer there are no more updates.😢

[@krystalfloods6197]

What psychos wow… I hope OP never talks to them again. The dad is a coward who has no backbone. The mom and stepmom are just absolutely psychotic to do what they did.

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah. I think maybe OP was TOO close to her family. They are a strange bunch. A little space would do OP good...it's GOOD to make your own traditions with your own family (her husband).

[@sonialinsey8083]

@lynnw7155 Yeah talking to them every day? I run out of stuff yo say to my dad after 2 days on the holiday. After our latest doctors visits, old times stuff and my stepmom’s latest Irish pottery dish I’m sure glad my brother is there to talk to, lol.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@sonialinsey8083 Everyday isn't really that hard for people who are talkative and know someone. I don't talk to my dad and sisters as much anymore, but I could easily be on a call or whatever with them for at least an hour or two a day. My mom would be about 30 ish min, but it's mainly because she isn't much of a talker. I am fairly close with them, but honestly, I could have a conversation with most strangers for an hour or two, and friends with more. So an hour conversation with family isn't too much for me.

[@Sherwoody]

It would be a shame if dad’s health took a bad turn and none of the kids were present because the mom’s stubbornness to admit that they screwed up.

[@Nerdificent]

@@lynnw7155 It seems they were quite enmeshed. The nerve of OP's mother trying to order her adult son to come home shows control issues and a lack of boundaries...among other toxic character traits.

[@hi_stranger9156]

I feel like mom’s cancer scare didn’t end with the realization that we all have limited time on this earth. Instead, it seems to have sparked concerns about no longer being in control and then deciding to exercise control by manipulating her daughter. This can’t be the first instance of a mom’s manipulation. It makes me wonder what else is going on in that family. Also, it’s mom’s parents that passed away. With her parents passing away, maybe psychologically, Mom thought she would try full-on that matriarch role. Her siblings (and the rest of family) seem to be under her control.

[@joshguerrero8760]

I wonder if the reason because the great uncle didn't like the grandpa is because the grandpa was like OP's mom, where they were both controlling

[@sonialinsey8083]

This ain’t drama free, my fam has some drama but it ain’t “gaslight you into thinking you were at a funeral you didn’t get told was happening”. That is beyond weird.

[@carolroberts4614]

It's like stepping into another dimension, when you hear stories like this! Poor op, just going about normal life, and then hit by something that changed things for ever in such a peculiar way.

[@nataliereeves3594]

The wouman probably wants control from beyond the grave.

[@thefallennero5265]

I get the feeling OP's mom wanted her to move back home was because she wanted OP to take care of her due to the cancer scare, when OP said no to moving back that's when she decided to pull an evil and petty move by not inviting her to the funeral.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

That was also what crossed my mind. So selfish.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

​@@itsjustmaddisen My thoughts exactly! Just because you raise your children, doesn't mean they're obligated to take care of you. If you want to be sure you're taken care of, plan for it! Don't rely on your kids! They have their own lives to lead.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Sadly the truth might have worked better. 15000 is the tiniest of cities, they can move if they need care, no offense. I lived in a city that size, it was sufficiently boring as heck while still having a hospital.

[@MrJpaynebb]

This is sad on the mom and stepmom's part. They are slowly driving the daughter and now son away because of their foolish stunt and refusal to admit they were wrong. Love how the son blocked mom after she "ordered" him home. Now they are realizing that they have no leverage over their adult kids and soon whatever bridges may permanently close and it will be all their fault.

[@crowdemon_archives]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9lyor, you know, just ask directly instead of performing a dance and tripping over their own feet

[@TheBlueDsc]

That is absolutely horrifying. I legitimately don't think I could ever forgive something so blatantly evil.

[@carolroberts4614]

I am so appalled by this! I've just got to the bit where op's brother comes to stay with them, with hubby being so excited and all, and I'm in tears!

[@KyrieChii]

@@carolroberts4614 That part made me so happy for OP & her rock of her husband, & even for the brother, who sounds like he truly realized how bad it was to 'go along with' something so awful & manipulative. I'm really surprised he decided to stand up to (& BLOCK) his Mom, that's a big deal for 'Mamma's boys'.

[@haplessasshole9615]

@@KyrieChii It sounds as though he had a complete breakdown. His mother had him so buffaloed, he went along with the scheme, until his better nature yelled, "Enough!" It sounds as though he was an emotional wreck when he finally fetched up safely at OP's.

[@KarmaTheDragon]

i am not yet that far into the story but i am already fearful after seeing this oh no...

[@lauriemeyer7030]

What a couple of whack jobs. Did they seriously think this would bring their child home to them???

[@catsbatsandflowers]

I can't explain but Grandma & Grandpa being tucked safely under the kitchen sink strikes me as unreasonably funny...

[@ohtovia8516]

Mine live comfortably ontop of our fridge (to make it worse- grandma has a proper ‘container’ but grandpa’s in a shopping bag and he’s been up there almost a decade before grandma was- tho probs best to clarify it’s about a spoonful of each to be scattered at a specific location not local at all and to be done this year, thank goodness)

[@carolroberts4614]

All we have is our last dog, we sent the ashes away to be out in a proper box, and he is on a windowsill.,a bit macabre, I must admit.

[@botanyblack9826]

agreed! This was so amusing! I actually have 7 cats resting in a Brass Sculpture on my mantle. No one would guess it was a Urn. and 2 dogs in nice boxes. While my FIL is in the garden with all the pretty flowers....

[@bunnyslippers191]

When my mom was cremated my sister went to the funeral home and picked up her ashes on her lunch hour. The funeral home put the little box (interment was to be in another state next to our dad) in a very fancy looking shopping type bag that looked very similar to the ones used by one of the local high end shops. Sis didn't want to take the ashes in to her work place since that would be *really* inappropriate, and she didn't want anyone passing by to see the bag, think it contained something from that high end shop, break into her car, and steal the bag. She figured a thief would just toss the bag-including Mom-into the nearest dumpster when they found out what the contents were and we'd never get her back, so she put the bag into her car trunk. When she got off work she just got in her car and started driving home. Suddenly she realized she was in rush hour traffic driving along *with Mom in the trunk of her car!* She felt terrible she had disrespected Mom that way, then it hit her as funny. So there she was, driving along, laughing like a loon because she had her mother's ashes safe from thieves in the trunk of her car. She was still laughing when she walked into the house with the ashes. She tried to explain why, but my brother in law thought her grief had gotten the best of her and tried to get her to lie down and take a sedative, so she called me and we both howled with laughter. Naturally, I shared this with all my own friends and everyone laughed and laughed because my friends are as nuts as I am. This sort of stuff happens in my family All. The. Time. and we just laugh and carry on. Edited because apparently I can't spell any more.

[@thatjeff7550]

@@bunnyslippers191 just so share a similar "funny" story, back when my wife died, I had her cremated and took her ashes to spread over her family's homestead out in the middle of nowhere. I came back with about half the ashes still in hand and when I got home, I immediately went to pick up the dog from the boarding place. On our way home, got hit by a drunk driver. Scary time. Anyway, when that was all said and done, I was still in a bit of a panic but realized I still had things packed in the car so I asked the cops if I could clear out the trunk. Lo and behold, my wife's ashes are still there. sigh... And as I'm trying to calmly get those out of the car, the cop immediately gets suspicious and demands, "What's that?" I'm a nervous wreck at this point and can't say anything but I do have the letter that allows me to transport remains across state lines so I just numbly hand that over to him. His reaction? "Oh JEEZ!!!!" and he quickly backed off. Even to this day, I can hear that guy exclaim "Oh JEEZ!!!" and it makes me laugh. It's like, "Dude, you never had to deal with cremains before?" LOL

[@owl7072]

"Of course you were there" the two people you claim to be there are literally telling you that they weren't and have evidence proving they weren't 🤨 Edit: So she deliberately attempted to gaslight her own child as punishment for _~checks notes~_ living their own life.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Actual mentally deranged behaviour

[@sonialinsey8083]

I think they’re getting senile from lack of mental stimulation in that podunk town.

[@RequiemPoete]

Scandalous right?

[@TheDesertFox1940]

@@RequiemPoeteunforgivable really /s

[@RequiemPoete]

@@TheDesertFox1940 The sheeeeeer audacity!

[@AndyyWithAY]

That update wasn't shocking to me. I KNEW this was on purpose. Had to be. I guess OP has been compliant up until then. They were not expecting that y'all gon' learn today that they got. She still visits often. That should be enough. OP is happy and healthy. A good mother would want that

[@paden1865able]

Yeah, as a parent, you have to let go of your adult kids. That way, they're happy to come visit when they can. I understand that my daughter has a busy life and am happy/grateful for whatever time she and her family have to give to us.

[@DragonicGamer32]

Yup. When OP and hubby decided to skip Thanksgiving it hurt mom and she realized she actually went too far and gave OP her spine. Christmas was the icing on the cake and now the whole family has to deal with the knowledge that their compliance has ruined their relationships to OP.

[@sonialinsey8083]

@ClassicGamer21Review And apparently to the brother as well.

[@KyrieChii]

@@DragonicGamer32 If I'm understanding correctly, the majority of the family (outside of Mom, Step-Dad, Dad & Step-Mom, & eventually Brother) was also gas-lit. The Mom's lied to them too, assuring them that OP WAS informed of/invited to/attended the funeral/get-together. So they honestly don't deserve the back-lash (as in, blame) for what was done by a small group. (I'm not saying OP should feel the need to be as close to them as before if she doesn't wish to, just that they were also lied to in this situation).

[@Swnsasy]

Hey bestie best!! I've seen this before in people. It's punishment.. They want her back to their hometown and it's not just the mom, it's all of them so they played along with the ring leader, mom, and everyone else has no backbone because they obviously know how she can be and they don't want to be shunned... This is diabolical and there is no way I could ever speak to them again... They ALL lied and called her names, made posts about her KNOWING they are lying.. That is awful

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Honestly, sounds to me like the whole family is way more codependent than OP realized. Her grown brother has never lived on his own and the moment he leaves, their family is on his ass about “when he will come back.” Hopefully never! The family sounds like a damn cult trying to bring their grown kids back to their tiny town.

[@jaylengreene805]

I hate that she said that OP can't 'keep' him. Like ma'am what? You realize he's not a dog, right? He also did not get kidnapped in the night

[@nataliereeves3594]

Does she c her family as property, not people?

[@colleens1107]

Gee how ironic in the mom’s pursuit to get OP to move back home has caused ANOTHER child to leave. Betcha she’ll just blame OP AND NEVER admit she drove her son away. Frankly I’d send Mom an email stating, we both know what you did. I know everything. Get. It. Through. Your. Head. I am not moving back. I’m happy HERE. And I am beyond hurt that you would keep me from my grandparents funeral out of spite and then have the audacity to make ME the bad guy when it was your doing. Goodbye

[@gwdzee]

oh she *did* blame op! Why else would she say "You can't keep him" (about the 23-minute mark. Then she ordered her adult son to come home. ) The mother is a real piece of work. Her flying monkeys aren't much better.

[@twit3537]

@@gwdzee I find this is probably because they come from a REALLY small place, like everyone in the town also doesn't seem to believe her. I am surprised OP hasn't posted the proof to social media for those even in her town who are remotely sensible (and those outside like the great uncle) to see the truth. I think there is no turning back from this tbh and it sounds like now that the bro is out he wants to stay out. I think if the bro feels comfortable that if the bro comes forward even to explain everything it would also set the record straight. But its the pros versus cons thing rn. Like, doing that will cause waves that could drag it out, potentially getting OP harassed by her family (some may even show up at her door they sound that delusional) and be made a target by her old community. But doing so could also potentially get her family in trouble (deserved) and 'clear her name'. Also, the aunt and uncle, while initially holding firm with the parents, they may feel the same way as the bro to an extent. They aren't harassing OP with phone calls or (seemingly) acting delusional like OPs immediate family of mom, dad and step parents. So they MAYBE worth trying to reach out to as rn, imo, they seem more 'neutral'.

[@BlueSkyBS]

This story is why Pride is considered the greatest of the deadly sins. You can see what it has done to a, formerly, united and close family. Until the parents admit to the deception and lies and get over their raging egos, things are going to continue to fall apart. More and more. Piece by piece.

[@demarcusholmes2866]

Well, they usually say greed is the biggest sin cause every other sin has a concept that is led by greed

[@whitemoonwolf13]

@@demarcusholmes2866 tbf they're all pretty closely linked. like this could be pride, envy, or wrath, all just swirling together in a toxic soup

[@demarcusholmes2866]

@whitemoonwolf13 true, but they're all end with greed

[@gwdzee]

united and close until someone gets ideas of their own that goes against what the others want.

[@GirlyKat9001]

@@demarcusholmes2866 The thing is, even greed has it's roots in pride, which in practice means that you believe that you deserve more than you currently have, thus resulting in you committing greedy actions, however the fundamental root is in Pride there.

[@Lestaticate]

To do something so horrible, petty and cruel to your own daughter, just because she chose not to live in her own hometown. Now OP’s parents are living the consequences of their own actions by driving their children away. If OP’s mom had opened up to her earlier about her health scare and not doing what she did, this dumpster fire could’ve been avoided … now, I don’t know. I’m happy OP’s brother came clean and opened up to his frick-up. Something also tells me that he’s been wanting to move out for sometime, but was worried about receiving the same backlash that OP was getting for years.

[@trilbynhiss]

The mother sounds like a lunatic. She's mistreated her daughter but she's stunted her son both emotionally and socially.

[@Passions5555]

She sounds like a boy mom to an extent.

[@giulianaartist6664]

I hate it when parents decide to clip their child's wings just so that they won't fly too far away. Its sad to try to keep them close for such selfish reasons.😢

[@fnjesusfreak]

And tried to clip the other child's wings too...

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. When will these selfish parents learn that children are their OWN people?

[@lms1068]

​@PrincessQ-fj9ly Sadly the parents don't care. Experienced this myself. Power and control are more important.

[@rae197595]

My mother realized it when she was dying. "She actually said this isn't right. You shouldn't have to be here. " I was the only family member caring for her. Not her siblings me, and it hit her. To be fair, she was on VERY strong pain killed at the time.

[@sandhermit3665]

Yes, my daughter moved away and has our only grandkids. What I tell her is that it's probably best, because I'd probably be too intrusive😅. I am a control freak, who'd rather not be one. Made enough mistakes in my life to want to start making them in someone else's.

[@dennisblankenship1310]

My family are also expert gaslighters, as well as harboring no respect or consideration for me. Once they hosted a birthday party for me, and “forgot” to invite me. I feel for OP.

[@basichoe69]

I laughed at this for a second out of complete shock. How the hell did they forget to invite you to your OWN party? Did they just forget what the reason for the party was?

[@shhd2105]

Don't tell me they got mad at you when you didn't show up

[@44naya]

I feel you. I'm so sorry this happened to you. And I hope you have a new found family that is treating you right.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Ew god that’s terrible. Happy Birthday 🎊 to make up for it.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

W o w 😮 I'm sorry you went through that

[@symoniarose2820]

Wow, that's the craziest collective family gaslight I've heard in a while...

[@bessieburnet9816]

If I was excluded from a family funeral and then gaslit about it, there would be violence, and I don't care if a judge would indict me for it.

[@kisstune]

Yeah I'd call their bluff with some kind of identity theft issues and if they wouldn't mind describing the clothes my impersonators wore or traffic ticket or a crime and I need a alibi I'm counting on yours and the entire family testimonies about us being at the funeral. Let them back peddle.

[@ebagentj]

This story reminds me of when my paternal grandfather died. No one told me, my maternal grandmother was looking at the obituaries in the paper and asked me if that was him. I looked and sure enough, it was. So my brother and I decided to call my dad and ask what gives, no one told us Grampy was sick, let alone that he had passed away. My dad apologized and said things happened really fast and erupted into chaos, and as a result we were sort of forgotten. (My paternal family lives upstate, a few hours away, and admittedly we never saw much of them as kids and almost never as adults.) He told us he'd calls us back with the funeral details. Well, time passed, and we got no call about a funeral. The next time we spoke to our dad (we're not close, and also he is active military and was preparing for another deployment) he said he thought he told us when and where the funeral was and we decided not to make the trip. To his credit, when my brother and I said he did no such thing, he didn't try to gaslight us. In fact, the next time we saw him in person and brought the subject up, he got noticeably upset and said the funeral was complicated and he didn't want to get into it. It sounded a lot like he wasn't even invited, either (he lives closer to our area than his family's, but would go upstate often to see them). Fast forward to last year. My dad had just gotten home from his fourth deployment. While deployed he mentioned my uncle had lung cancer and was not expected to make it. When he called me next after returning from deployment so we could make plans to meet up, I asked how my uncle was doing. My dad was surprised and said he passed away that summer, and he thought we knew (this was in late fall, around Thanksgiving). So yeah, at this point if something happened to my dad, I'd be shocked if his wife or anyone else remembered to tell me or my brother. We may learn about it through an obituary again.

[@Nortarachanges]

Yikes on bikes! I’m also the last in the family to know things, but it’s a case of hours/days, not weeks/months. My condolences

[@MrsWheezer]

My family is a lot like this. I’m old enough and processed it enough, I’m not hurt by it so much. My teens and twenties were super painful, though. I hope you and your brother are able to find peace with the situation.

[@tiffanysandmeier4753]

That sucks. I occasionally miss being told things in my family, but nothing this big.

[@rae197595]

​@MrsWheezer same with me. I'm only close to one uncle whom I speak to almost every day. I'm an only child and my mom is gone now so I'm told nothing about anyone connected to my aunt. They are big on "but fammmily" mentality. I say you have to work at a relationship it's not automatic and I'm done being the only one making an effort.

[@junesherren9124]

Is your father developing Alzheimer's or some other form of memory impairment? He should get checked out.

[@DragonicGamer32]

Mom wanted OP to be closer to home so her idea was to alienate OP and make the whole town think that she has dimentia or some shit. Why would I ever want to go back to a community that thinks I'm forgetful because of a lie like that? If it were me, that would only incentivise me into staying away and living my best life elsewhere. In being too stubborn and hatching this stupid plan, she has ensured that the wish she'd been hoping for will NEVER happen. And it's cost her a son too.

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

Honestly? An apology wouldn’t have FIXED the situation, but it would’ve been better for the mom than this shit.

[@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer]

What a backwards turn of events for the mom lol. "I want OP to move back home! I know, I'll upset her and gaslight her into thinking she missed her beloved grandparents' funeral! And then I'll turn the whole town against her! That will make her love me and want to live with me again for sure!" And then "I can tell its working because she's stopped speaking to me for months!"

[@selinalee1077]

The mom needs some major help

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

For me it's the fact that they used _a funeral,_ a last chance to day good-bye as opposed to just a general family party or reunion, it's just deranged...

[@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 I feel like they deliberately chose to do this at an event that would have significant sentimental importance to OP to cause her the most pain. A small party wouldn't have the same sting. Missing a party is pretty negligible for most. They probably worried OP would simply shrug it off if it wasn't a major event.

[@selinalee1077]

@@slytherinlibrarian3501 yeah and that’s the most messed up part

[@Joe-lb8qn]

If ever asked why they didn't come for thanksgiving or Christmas OP should say "what are you talking about i was there don't you remember?"

[@catj2930]

This story is far from over. I don't think OP realizes just how manipulative her mother actually is, now her mask has slipped and people are starting to see who she really is, there a good chance she going to become unhinged.

[@carolroberts4614]

Yes, I'm sure there's more to come on this one!

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

I'm waiting for those updates sadly enough.

[@logirl1975]

@@RosesTeaAndASD same

[@sandeesandwich2180]

This may be one of the most batshit crazy stories I've heard on reddit. On the plus side, OP gave me the expression "a cow on stilts" and I am already trying to figure out how to work it into everyday conversation. 🤪

[@paden1865able]

"That's about as graceful as a cow on stilts" could work beautifully. I think I would use it when I fall on my face or butt, which happens often because my coordination is crap.😂

[@BeardyBaldyBob]

OP needs to make CRYSTAL clear to the rest of the family that until they publicly admit what they did and apologise for it, she will NEVER come to any family events and when she eventually has kids they will NEVER get to meet their grandkids.

[@sarahloveless1726]

She sent posts with time stamps and the whole community assumed it was fake

[@thylionheart]

The mom could’ve sat down with OP and said, “Hey, so I had a cancer scare. I’m worried about how long I have left and I want to spend more time with you and the family. What can we do to facilitate that?” Instead she concocted a cruel plan that pushed both her children away in the end. People will really do anything except talk out their feelings, huh?

[@bamboozled1449]

who needs enemies when you have “family” like that

[@Azulakayes]

Poor OP, her mom and stepmom are just nuts and she didn't deserve any of it. Glad brother is out of there.

[@SherriLyle80s]

There's so much gaslighting, her family is a stove. 😂

[@kieramaccourt8717]

That's the first time I've heard this! I love it and am borrowing it forever ;)

[@kisstune]

@@kieramaccourt8717 I'm straight up stealing it.

[@Vile0708]

I have listened to a ton of stories over many many channels and this is one of the most bizarre things I have heard a parent doing. What a weird hill to die on

[@TheLamrose]

Right? I could almost understand the mom panicking, and blurting out "you were there" at first. But STICKING WITH IT in the face of proof she wasn't. That is deeply disturbing. AND that the family went along. I think the brother is lucky she was willing to forgive him. I think I would have told them all to pound sand.

[@megnotmegan1966]

Damn this hits way too close to home…but for me it was my fathers ashes. My family decided on a date without me, and when told I couldn’t make it they went ahead anyway. It’s absolutely devastated me and I’m having a really hard time dealing with it. They don’t understand why I’m upset and I don’t know how to heal from it, it makes me feel like I don’t matter at all and am not considered part of the family.

[@sovereigncrux]

I'm sorry that happened. What truly matters is that you were there while he was alive and he knew you loved him. Funerals are for closure for the living, so find your way to have closure on your own. Go have your own ceremony and parting, and send your love to him. Best of luck.

[@cb9825]

The brother "never lived alone" means he had to get some education from an online college because mom made him stay home🤦🏻‍♀️

[@crowdemon_archives]

Poor dude

[@aileencastaneda3724]

OP and OP’s brother should look into therapy to see how they can deal with their feelings. I can tell OP is angry while the brother is heartbroken.

[@Badassoldwoman]

Update: There was an update in April. The family pastor called them all together and asked everyone what they wanted. Most said for things to go back to "normal", except mom, who said she wanted them to move back. The family admitted to gaslighting Op and were remorseful. Mom dug in that they should move back, but could not give a reason why so pastor asked each of them if they were happy and thriving. They said yes. He then asked mom if she wanted them to give up their happiness for hers. She cried and said no. Op forgave. Things didn't pop back to normal, but she said they are all gingerly working on it. Brother is happy, thinking about renting his own apt. and sticking his toe in the dating pool.

[@carolroberts4614]

That's nice to know! Especially for brother. Thanks!

[@evblack15]

I’ve gone no contact with all the disgusting toxic members of my family. A family of 30+. All act rich but bother u to borrow money. Fuck that. It’s been a beautiful decade since! Leave the toxicity folks! U R TOO GOOD FOR THEIR DRAMA! God bless u all!

[@Tammohawk1]

Mom and step mom messed around and found out the hard way. Their little game back fired on them.

[@karlat7880]

That’s cRaZy!!! I’m glad that her brother confessed and is out from under the mom’s thumb.

[@PaintSplashProductions]

That mum is going to end up alone in no time. Gaslighting and manipulating the whole family just because OP moved to a better living location and has a happy life?!

[@chrisidornigie]

It scares me how messed up OP and her brother’s lives were. Wouldn’t surprise me if the mom gaslit the brother into becoming her “boyfriend” ….

[@Germania72]

Such a strange story...It never ceases to amaze me how silly people can behave when they're self-absorbed. They make troubles just for nothing.

[@monicacurtis3986]

To quote Princess Leia "The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."

[@DJScopeSOFM]

Congrats to the mum! Her public image is more important to her than a healthy family dynamic.

[@thebookofgenises]

one part doesnt make sense: if i was at a family gathering and i only had one sibling (i do), i would immediately notice if they werent there. and send them a text asking if they are late or something. i feel like the brother knew something was up, but his mom made him keep his mouth shut.

[@ryznak4814]

Oh god 7 updates, this is going to be a mess. It’s going to be one of these stories where everything escalates with each update, I am almost certain of that. ETA: In the end it didn’t really escalate much but tension is clearly building up. I hope we will have a follow up.

[@tatkkyo9911]

Yup no way this don't get cray

[@heatheraucoin5832]

I wish (if OP wanted kids/family) if they were expecting and then waited a year then post about OP & husband celebrating the child’s 1st birthday. Wait for OPs side of the family and say,”Why didn’t you tell us we have a grandchild?” Op- “What are you talking about? You were at the baby shower, gender reveal, and 6 weeks later after the baby arrived (due to restrictions). “

[@shells500tutubo]

😅😅🤣🤣😂😂

[@OrlaQuirk]

Your idea is much nicer than mine. I'd be so tempted to send a suicide farewell note through the mail. "I know husband is lying to me, and that I DID attend the funeral. Because all of you would not lie to me. "I will not go the way of cousin Susie. By the time you read this, I will be gone. Don't grieve for me, I died still knowing my dearest husband and beloved family. Not like poor Susie, remembering no one." Then let husband handle Act 2. The panicked phone calls. He could either say I had died, or was in the hospital, " and the doctor has not lost all hope " Then left them stew for a moderate amount of time, a fairly humane amount of time, maybe one night , before we tell the family it's a JOKE. I think I would tell my brother first, then certain people, and leave it last for the mother and stepmother. Or leave those two to hear I was actually alive through the grapevine. I would probably not really do that, but I would have a great deal of pleasure in imagining it all out.

[@bloonh8tr619]

And it was the narcissist controlling mother behing it all. Its honestly disgusting how she weaponized the death of a loved one against her own child. Hell, funerals are mostly for the loved ones to grieve and cherish the deceases life, she didnt make it for either of those reasons. What a poor excuse for a mother

[@SabrinaSokoll]

Literally the best part of my day! Hope you are all doing well. Sending hugs to all who need it.

[@MarkNarrations]

Aww thanks Sabrina you legend!!

[@kieramaccourt8717]

*Hugs* back at ya!

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Hugs

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Wait, what exactly would OP be apologising for in the first place? Even if somehow OP had forgotten (which they clearly hadn't), that would be cause for concern and urging them to go to see a doctor for any kind of checkup rather than admonishment from the family so it was clear from the start they were just mad they were called out for their obvious bs.

[@frequentuser360]

I've never craved resolution on a story as much as I do for this one.

[@cynicalrabbit915]

How do you make your adult child want to move back home. Leave them out of an important family ritual, then claim they were there and convince everyone they were there, so you don't have to admit you purposely left them out. Oh what evil webs we weave when we decide to deceive.

[@crowdemon_archives]

It's definitely one of those "ah yes, what can possibly go wrong" thing lol

[@lynngrant533]

Unbelievable! Those moms are absolute poison, and that description is being really, really kind! I am so glad that OP has a shiny spine, a wonderful and supportive husband - and was able to reconnect with her brother! Their families are absolutely toxic and don’t deserve any support from the kids. Really good story! Thank you from BC, Canada. 😇

[@WoodlandT]

I would not accept anything short of a full public accounting and apology. They slandered op to the whole community. Admitting everything publicly and the and the accompanying shame would be the only thing that could bring me back around

[@paden1865able]

I had the opposite happen to me when my mom died. I was there for the main funeral but not the burial. My dad didn't want me to see the coffin over the grave. Plus, I was really sick. But my older sister insisted that I wasn't there at all. Yet, I was the one holding Dad's hand, telling him that he still had me and the rest of us kids, I was the one he picked up and held while we both cried. I remember what Mom wore in the coffin and her hair style. I finally got it through her head that I wasn't grave side but was at the service but Mom's best friend took me away before the lid was closed. She had me for weeks after that... On another note, it's SNOWING here and getting deep.

[@davarrashayde]

Considering that i've lived through being forgotten when things happen in the family, i speak from experience when i say it SUCKS...though...i'd say it's better to be forgotten than to have your family all jointly decide to gas light you like that...especially with such an important event...my condolences to the OP of this redit post because that's all kinds of painful, i'm glad that they have such a caring and supportive SO.

[@chrisfs150]

"But op why didn't you visit at thanksgiving...?" "I did mom... don't you remember how weird.. " Rinse and repeat for EVERY SINGLE family event here on out....

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

As someone originally from a small town of about 1,200 people...I swear to God there's something in the water in these small towns.

[@EphemeraImaging]

Sounds like the perfect resolution to me - Sis has learned to maintain her boundaries, Brother is learning to stand up for himself and become an adult. I think they needed to do that.

[@CyeOutsider]

Wow that backfired badly for OPs mum. She went the full crazy.

[@pearbear6418]

The family unanimously agreeing to gaslight OP is absolutely insane. Like none of them thought this was horrible?

[@W0lfscythe]

Mom and the step parent nuked the bridge with OP trying to get her to move back "home." She is home; just not where's the mom is at.

[@neppeta56]

I had a feeling this was a 'see, if you moved back you would have been there' situation. how absolutely horrible. and moms pride is ruining her relationship with everyone, especially her kids.

[@nela3986]

The fact, that the brother despite being a grown man seems to have anxiety of living alone and was so absolutely miserable with what the mother did and made him do, but still the mother didn't care enough to fix things. Not only that, she rather wants him back under her command than having him away and doing well is just sick. No one in their right mind goes this far

[@Rhythm_2]

It is absolutely astounding that people would rather turn on you get the world to turn on you and lie about everything under the son all before they admit that they were wrong

[@embluvya]

I wouldn't be surprised if this was an attempt by the parents to punish her for moving away. " You weren't there for Grandpa and Grandma in their last years. Because you had to be selfish and move away!" Etc or some nonsense like that. My boyfriend's siblings treated him like this when his dad died. It's a messed up but not at all uncommon way to deal with grief. Some people deal with grief by lashing out and blaming others. Your grandparents would have died whether or not you moved away. What they did to you is literally relationship running. This kind of collective lie to make you feel guilty is an unforgivable betrayal.

[@zookie3737]

this is WILD behavior on the moms behalf... it's actually borderline evil. who comes up with a plot like this??? if you love your daughter then you would have thought about how this would make her feel if she found out? smgdmfh

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: There is something (not good) in the water supply if the entire town is saying the same thing.

[@alloriavarner8304]

This is so ridiculous. I lived 2 states away from the rest of my family for a decade. 3 days drive worth. 2 hours away is NOTHING!

[@JackZoe-bf3zq]

"I still visit once every few weeks" Considering the distance and OP's work life. this is pretty good. She visits her family more than people i know.

[@maddy8328]

So....OP didn't want to move home and they decided "fuck you, no Grandma's funeral for you." They are insanely evil.

[@carolsh1983]

I hope you are all safe and warm today! It’s cold and snowy where I am but I am cozy inside listening to Mark.

[@MarkNarrations]

I would love a bit of snow right now :)

[@CatLadyElegy]

@@MarkNarrationsI’ll try and send it to you 😄

[@brendacarter4968]

You're welcome to ours lol.

[@kieramaccourt8717]

Stay safe and warm! I miss seeing a bit of snow, but I don't miss anything else about it :)

[@carolsh1983]

@@MarkNarrations Every time I have visited the UK (also the Netherlands) it has snowed heavily. My sister says I take my local weather with me. I’ll have to visit your neck of the woods so you can have some snow too. 😝

[@FanFicnic]

I appreciate the multiple updates cuz with each one it became more and more clear what rude insular ppl the parents are. Hiding in their little town where they can be the big fish and ORDER their grown son around. Pathetic. They will die alone, an hour away from a hospital, with no children around to help them. They won’t have love and they certainly won’t have dignity.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Um, how the f do you forget a child. Even people who have 8 or more children do better than this. This wasn't an accident. It couldn't have been. This is their revenge for OP not acting right

[@sgtjarhead99]

🤣LOL. All OP needs to do to get a panic rise out of the rest of family is just text "You will NEVER see your new grandchild." and then block them. For added giggles, leak a little of that info to their church group for the gossipers to enjoy. Kick back with some popcorn, soda pop, and watch the show unfold.

[@J.Clemons]

Ooh I love this one

[@warrirornunluv801]

I think the mom will keep playing this scenario over and over to the point that she's on her own deathbed, and would tell the entire family that even if OP and the Brother weren't there, just say they are there. No matter what anyone that knew them say.

[@Himitssu]

At this point, I don't think I'd be waiting for a apology like OP, because I'm wouldn't forgive them anyway.They planned this big, elaborate thing just to punish OP for wanting to live HER LIFE as SHE WANTED, they are not stubborn, they feel justified, they think they did right and that OP reactions is wrong, THEY WERE HAPPY NO ONE NOTICED OP WASN'T THERE.They thought OP'd see this as a show of how upset they are (about something that is none of their business) and to come back running to them, is just disgusting.

[@miminana-hd6nf]

OP's mom is evil, just pure evil. She is unhinged. Not only did she alienate her daughter (OP), she alienated her son too. Karma is a bitch.

[@Gocha0203]

How could someone be so cruel? I can’t imagine doing this to any relatives, let alone your own daughter. The way those mothers both planned and executed something so vindictive and childish without remorse is just disturbing. Also the fact they manipulated and turned the entire family against OP.. No contact really seems like the best option (at least for now). You reap what you sow lol I’m glad they made up with their brother though!

[@eileenhathaway1674]

OP and brother should get counseling. A mother like this has been doing this kind of stuff for a while. Post what really happened with a note to share to the town, so everyone that was in on it can stare at their shoes for awhile. The whole town sounds in-bred.

[@CarinaCoffee]

This has got to be one of the weirdest cases of gaslighting I've ever heard about

[@rasheedabasheer4046]

Never thought a family drama resulting in low contact will have a wholesome ending. 😊

[@honeypot8524]

As soon as OP said the family wanted her to move back I immediately knew they didn't tell her on purpose to punish her for not wanting to move back home

[@rylashadow18]

I'd take the blessing they gave you and accept their no contact. They have the absolute nerve to not tell you anything, lie about it then blame you for being called out for being garbage beings. This is a control tatic one their using to make you feel horrid. They deserve nothing from you from this point forward. So two narcs got together, acted like narcs and are now blaming OP for their selfishness? Yeah they can got get stuffed with flaming fire pokers. Anyone agreeing with them or enabling can join in on the getting stuffed. I hope the brother sticks to staying away from their egg donor, sperm donor and the etire entitled clown circus they got going on. Congrats OP's mom you just lost both of your kids over your ego.

[@mythking541]

Story has a lot of updates: To summarize, the mom's came over to OP's place after the brother moved in (the mom's had a spare key) while the brother was the only one home. Police were called, they were escorted off, and the dad reeled in step-mom. Few months later, Mom and step-dad were the only ones still on it, so OP and the dad organized a mediation with the local pastor (Easter; also a mini service for the great uncle). From the mediation, it basically came out that the moms (and step-dad) were just trying to make a fuss over the fact that OP was away from them and wanted them back for family...without realizing that OP and her husband were happy where they were (pastor asked them would they be okay in OP moving back to appease their happiness, while sacrificing their's (OP), in which the moms broke down saying no). Now (22 days ago) everything seems to be on the mends. OP and the moms are talking, slowly and brother is steady with a girlfriend at OPs place. Oh, and brother and husband had a mini feud over Stardew Valley, something about trying to romance the same character.

[@Clyde-S-Wilcox]

Story 1: This is all the evidence you need that the parents are delusional AF: OP: moves away Parents immediately: When are you moving back? They're not in their right minds.

[@sixwingedbee81]

I'm glad OP had the support of her husband through out all of this. It sucks being isolated by your family, but it sounds like she had her hubby and friends as a support group that kept her strong. I'm really concerned about her brother, though. I'd be so on alert if my brother came to stay with me and he looked like he lost a lot of weight fast and was SOBBING.

[@PaulaABurnham]

Reminds me of my grandma on my dad's side funeral. I don't know where her ashes are. My aunt organised everything and didn't invite any of us because she wanted my dad there and assumed there would be an argument if any of us (mum, stepdad, sister, 3 brothers and i) went. The crematorium was near the school my brothers attended, one of them could see everyone arriving from a classroom window

[@abelink9229]

And that is how slippery slope happens and people - large groups of them! - end up doing unthinkable atrocious things because "they already in too deep" and "they can't back down now".

[@crowdemon_archives]

Past that point, they're no better than beasts.

[@pebble5478]

…That mom and stepmom are unhinged. Who the heck does that?!

[@MissL4lly]

So glad the sister and brother got through it. The hurt the manipulative mothers caused was devastating.

[@Kinsfire]

Mom has chosen that this is the hill that she dies on, possibly literally. Deciding that they needed to 'teach OP a lesson' to make them move back home? She is trying to yank the reins even tighter, and is discovering that sometimes the horse fights back when you do that ...

[@joeschmo622]

The Brother should only go back to collect all his stuff, all his documents/papers, then tell The Moms that he's out for good.

[@SoicAngellis]

So far at Update 2, and man, some of the things being said by the parents and family feel like it's being said in the tone of, "Oh no, the consequences of my actions!"

[@Peeges_]

Thanks for always hanging out with us mark ❤

[@Aluranae]

What I'm noticing is that the 'entitled to have you' parent is growing more common as generations age and they expect the same respect that their parents did, but without providing the necessary effort in return. They think they can bludgeon, browbeat, and more if 'I'm your parent you should love me' doesn't work. Notice how OP's brother was given a demand to return. A *demand* of all things, when this has already blown up so much and the dude apparently looked like he'd been wrung out to dry.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

I can't stand people that will not admit when they're wrong or when they've messed up. It is a very good personality trait to have!

[@oxford14]

"Are you coming for Christmas?" should have been answered with, "I was there at Thanksgiving. Don't you remember? So staying home for Christmas."