“My fiancé has no savings at 43. Should we get married?”

[@ramitsethi]

00:00 Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

[@streetguru6240]

Very good episode. Complex, nuanced, and Ramit did well!

[@costaricanmohican]

terrific episode, thank you for having more couples in realistic situations. Designing a plan out of their situation was most enlightening

[@funtechu]

"We pay $500 per year to get the camper towed so we need to buy a $75k truck to save money. " This is the ultimate example of "truck math". Enjoy your break-even point in 150 years!

[@milivaro]

Truck math 😂

[@gabrieliacoboni6951]

Is that even math?

[@SixthSenseSynesthete]

Truck math is truly an epidemic lol

[@lagflag]

Their math is not mathing 😁

[@cheesecurd100s]

Hence the reason I bought a $300 van 8 years ago. It's rusty but it can haul same as a chevy truck. Paid for itself the first time I hauled scrap in it

[@shnarljazz]

I feel for him, I hope he wasn't embarrassed. I think their situation is SO MUCH more relatable than some. I'm disappointed in some of the comments 🙄🙄🙄 people beg for these more "realistic" situations and then talk junk about how ppl got there. I'm praying for them - seems like they're really making good changes 🙏🏽👏🏽👍🏽

[@Lesmith82]

I came here to say this! People bash the wealthy couples as if they would have compassion on the less wealthy just because their numbers are smaller, but this couple is going to evoke just as much scrutiny. Viewers imagine they could relate better to an average couple. The psychology is often a bigger problem than the numbers. The psychological roadblocks will irritate viewers independent of a couple’s numbers!

[@aas55]

Respectfully, how do you know they’re making good changes? He didn’t even respond with a follow-up.

[@aas55]

My biggest takeaway is how bad relationships can set you back financially. Also, these folks blame a lot of their current situation on irresponsible ex-partners. I wonder if the story would be different if we got to hear the ex-partners version of the story.

[@merriem24]

I thought the same thing. If it was about ex partners, they’d be both financially stable now, but they’re not

[@tracyaf6084]

It’s easy to get stuck in a story you create about yourself.

[@jaynebirkholz1596]

​@@tracyaf6084what you say is so, so true!

[@mrs.quills7061]

I was thinking that too. I’m not saying their exes weren’t problems, but they’re both causing financial problems for each other here too and almost split because of it!

[@jackie8357]

It's telling that they started blaming each other immediately upon living together - she wasn't surviving without her daughter's rent and he can't afford $1000 a month. The "when I was single" phrase was repeated a lot - but neither were making it

[@BLittles]

They both need to stabilize their own lives before starting a marriage. They should date but live separately until they can fix their own lives first.

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

Agreed just date

[@ZekeValk]

I've used the line with my kids at times "I'm saving today so you don't have to take care of me when I'm old. Maybe that means I can't give as much or do as much for you now, but hopefully someday you don't have to wipe my butt." 🙂

[@milivaro]

Exactly!

[@alexandradarbyshire7433]

I love this 😂😂😂.

[@ToddVenable]

This is so true. I think one of the greatest gifts parents can give their kids (mine are 15, 13 and 10) is to never be dependent on them. Side note - I think the same is true of government. Everyone wants to save the world when they're young. Don't focus on saving the world in your 20s - focus on getting yourself on a good financial footing first. Only the strong can help the weak.

[@1bluegreen2]

Well start praying because if that's how you went about it, they are going to cash that check. Make sure you are healthy all the rest of your life and that your end is swift...you have made no deposits into your children's love bank from which to withdraw. They know what sacrifice looks like. There is a difference between finance wisdom and being cheap with your kids.

[@milivaro]

@1bluegreen2 shouldn't the love bank be filled with eh idk LOVE?! I can tell you from experience that my parents gave me everything they could within their means and did not plan for retirement, and now that is something I will financially have to assume to a certain extent. It's def a burden. Even though they're wonderful so I will happily do it. However, neither extreme is healthy or fair. I think there's a fine balance between providing for your children but never forgetting to prepare for your future.

[@Lumaifairisle]

I really appreciate them coming on, it was so helpful to see someone making about what I do and how they should prioritize cleaning up a financial mess.

[@honeybison]

agreeing to marry someone with 5 other kids is INSANE work

[@amendaalmonte2236]

It sure is!!!

[@TheSharmam]

i do feel subconsiously daughters are repeating mom's behaviour, for better or for worse

[@aprilracine]

There is nothing wrong with that. My father married my mother who had 5 girls already. I was the youngest one at 12 years old. All of us started working at an early age. My mother worked one and sometimes two jobs at times. We all learned to support ourselves financially at a young age. I’m 47 now and have been debt free, including my house for 3 years and plan on retiring at the age of 50. This month I’m giving a class on personal finance to the younger generation in my family. My father gained 5 daughters who care about him and not his Chrysler pension.

[@Nico6th]

I wouldn't combine finances with HER. She has a great deal on a house - but instead of using her 100k from a house fund on said house she spend 30k on... stuff, mostly (vacation, renovation...). She gets ~1k from him each month (200-250 a week) and is still struggling. She went through bancrupcy but still hasn't leant how to budget. 5 children plus 10 grandchildren (and counting!) on which she spends more money than she can afford. She will never have "enough" money.

[@TheSharmam]

most people would kill for that kind of livign arrangment, but they are sqaundering it away

[@HungryOrca]

She acts like grandma moneybags with a couple million in the bank, but she’s not.

[@stephbenton86]

This episode actually made me cry in frustration. She reminds me so much of my mom who let life happen to her as long as I can remember, and never took control of anything. My dad left 25 years ago and she's still not recovered from it. She thinks she'll be able to survive on $1200 a month from a pension and social security... she has nothing saved for retirement. Dawn is so "helpless" and it's triggering to watch.

[@user-uq2ti7tj6k]

My sister is a bit like this. She's nearly 50. Not a dime saved for retirement. Lived at home for free into her 30's. Got financial support from parents while living alone. Bullied her way back into living for free in our grandparents' old house - still can't save anything; no healthcare, a lot of debt, can't afford basics. Everything is everyone else's fault, she has no control over anything. She's relying on being given the house she lives in, maybe some inheritance, and social security to live on some day. I love my sister despite her issues, and it is hard to watch. The older she gets the more the reality closes in and the more frantic and angry she gets. It's hard on everyone.

[@alonelypenguin5229]

@@user-uq2ti7tj6k Ugh, my relative also. The house in question, however, was under a trust.

[@jerridefilippis]

❤

[@alfsmom8025]

Wow! Her children are half the problem. She doesn't understand she is raising them to have all the wrong values. She acts like her kids turned out this way as if it has nothing to do with her parenting. It's too late to parent them well now but at least she can learn boundaries with adult children. A fiance with 5 kids and a fiance in his 40s with no money. Poor choices all around.

[@alfsmom8025]

Ramit did a great job addressing this. I would be such a Caleb Hammer if I was the host 😂

[@CambieSweets]

Correction: She and her children’s fathers raised those kids with the wrong values. It’s a shared responsibility of parents.

[@AudreyWineland]

So so so true. Her daughters are in their young 20s. Both have kids, divorced or out of wedlock already, and already remarrying to men with more kids. Total insanity. Reeks of serious impulse control issues and desperation on all sides. How is any of this ok? The entire extended family needs intervention- they seem like nice enough people, just with little discipline or accountability. I hope the entire family can regroup to a healthier long term choices dynamic.

[@TheSharmam]

@@CambieSweets we cannot blame the entire blame on her. even if father was not around, that itself is a failing on his part.

[@CambieSweets]

@@TheSharmamWas this comment meant for me? I was responding to the OP.

[@NancyKlingler-qc9bu]

You can rent a truck from Home Depot for $29.99, you don't need to pay $50k + for weekend trips.

[@bethworthley]

U-Haul is even less when you account for miles (Home Depot charges per mile, U-Haul didn’t last time we rented with them)

[@JoshHitti]

Home Depot doesn’t charge per mile. Unlimited miles on all vehicles and it’s charged by time (e.g. 75 minutes for $19). I’ve rented a truck from HD instead of buying one at least 20 times. 🎉

[@gregr1154]

yeah but he has a Jeep SUV of some kind - see if that can tow and if not sell the camper and go SUV-camping instead.

[@honeybison]

@@bethworthleyuhaul absolutely charges per mile

[@al1395-y3d]

Girl tell your kids no lmao I don't tell my kids "I don't have the money" I tell them "No, you're not getting that" and if they throw a fit they get in trouble and get less lol EDIT: You are NOT helping your kids, that's not helping them

[@shadowfox2120]

I agree. She's pretty much laying the blame on not having money rather than just saying no I'm not buying you that and setting boundaries that you don't just get everything you want.

[@CuriousApollo]

I agree. Telling them you don’t have money just reinforces that you were irresponsible, which is not something you should be or your kid to think you are. Also puts the blame on them and is going to forever mess up their relationship with money and yourself. Ramit should have couched her on that

[@Steve56-w9r]

I'm not surprised that Richard didn't give a follow up. He looked like he hated being there the entire time.

[@katelyndefreitas2810]

He looks traumatized like chronically

[@tiamel5930]

He’s a freeloader.

[@blackchickadee1]

Lesson from this episode: work on yourself before starting a relationship.

[@PatriciaVillati]

Don’t get in a relationship with a financial careless person.

[@unknown1859]

This is what im scared of. Partnering up with someone who is careless with money.

[@Deathwigems100]

Find out early. Watch everything like how they spend when they go out and make sure you make it a point to be like hey I'm frugal and I expect this from you too. Don't stick around waiting for people to change.

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

Yup, I m telling my kids better to be single than end up w financially stupid. It takes decades out of ur life. If ur going to bw a burden wo having medical issues, I would rather be single. Seems.lile she is mothering him n desperate to keep him. Ubhave ur kids, focus on ur kids.

[@kelleyking]

The son is 12. Let’s not write him off. He sounds like a kid with some empathy.

[@Lynnys1]

Sorry but the last thing he needs is to marry this woman. She may be lovely but she’s supporting three kids, has a horde of grandchildren that she gives money to, two ex-husbands, is not great with money. He’s already had financial issues with his ex, etc. He doesn’t need to hitch is wagon to her. Will only lead to financial disaster.

[@rebeltheharem7028]

They are both incredibly bad with money, either way. And 2 negatives don't make a positive in this case. She shouldn't get with him, since he can't even support the shared household costs, and is equally as bad with money.

[@TheSharmam]

they are just repeating old patterns and stuck in a rut

[@dnah02]

And he does not have a truck to tow all the grand kids and their baby daddies

[@jip230]

You can be together without getting married. That may be the best option for Rich and Dawn - they both have extremely complex financial pictures that may not be compatible. If you get along emotionally, but your finances just don't mesh - just don't get married.

[@oroville12345]

But she won't have him by the balls if they are not married.

[@jip230]

@@oroville12345 I never got the impression she was trying to control him. I think she's legitimately concerned about the 'tire fire' of a financial situation he's currently in. I wouldn't advise these two to live together. She has to accept that getting his finances in order may never happen for him. He blames his former girlfriend but I wondered throughout the podcast how much of this problem was the former girlfriend and how much of this money problem was really was him. Dawn is setting herself up for yet a third divorce if she marries him

[@Deathwigems100]

​@@jip230she is clearly highly educated and knows how to walk around a subject. She absolutely wants to control him. They aren't connected at all.

[@cornellcornell1]

@@Deathwigems100you sound insecure

[@firefalcoln]

Or make a well-structured prenup

[@Natalie_11188]

The only thing I disagree with Ramit on is that Richard cannot afford to pay $1000 towards household bills- if an adult employed person who isn’t ill or temporarily disabled cannot afford to spend $1000 on his household expenses (housing, utilities, groceries, household products) then he needs to move into his family building and get himself together. (Not from a place of shame but resetting his life) If she financially supports him 100% she will resent him, and they are not married yet. His contribution being lower because of his income etc is fair and equitable but he should contribute something (money) to where he sleeps and eats. I would say the same thing if the genders were reversed. If they were married or he was ill that would be a different situation.

[@kelleyking]

Agreed. He needs the second job.

[@OldAssSax]

He also works on the home renovation--3-4 days a week. I think he should pay $0 a month.

[@sarelloo]

I agree, but this one was weird. He's giving her this money, but who knows what she spends it on.

[@Natalie_11188]

in this day and age $1000 a month isn’t much money. Assuming there is food in the fridge, toilet paper in the bathroom, internet, electric and running water it IS being spent on his portion of household bills.

[@deadliaski]

Don't see the disagreement. You've just said the same thing he did from a different pov. Only difference is that he is realistic enough to know he cannot tell them what to do even if we can all see they have no business being engaged. Did you miss the part where he urged him to set a timeline on his business otherwise just get a minimum wage. You cannot unpick people's lives in a few hours. Especially these two. There's way too much to dig up. For example; if you take him at his word that his ex just took money from their joint accounts and left him in debt then why didn't he file criminal charges? Not a lawyer but that's at best an unfair split of assets if not outright theft. Then he disengaged and did not send an update to the show. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Ramit navigated this minefield of a relationship with great aplomb

[@SomethingAboutVintage]

What a great episode. I think this is very indicative of a lot of families in the United States.

[@user-uq2ti7tj6k]

The biggest thing these two seem to have in common is their inability to take responsibility for their own situations. You don't just magically get garnished one day - they have to go to court to do that, so you get a lot of contact before hand. And there's zero excuse for not being involved in your own finances. And that she's only just now looking to see what her pension pays is sort of revealing about her own understanding of finances. They blame their exes, yet in ever relationship they have the same problems. "Where ever you go; there you are." They seem like nice enough people, but they could do with a dose of accountability and self awareness.

[@rachelhall6287]

They do seem to default to blaming exes & life when it’s a behavioral issue on their end. The behavioral changes are the hardest to make but necessary. Honestly, I know she loves that house, but their best chance of avoiding poverty is moving into his free duplex together to cut bills & save. That would force her to cut the kids off & stop all those renovation costs

[@sidehustlevikki1066]

I appreciate Ramith ability to stay positive and non judgmental despite knowing he probably disagrees with most of how this couple is choosing to precede with their financial decisions.

[@triciagann1996]

This is for Dawn. I hope that you are able to read these comments. I really enjoyed the broadcast and my heart goes out to you. I am a mom of seven. They are all grown now. But I was a stay at home mom in a homeschooling mom and we lived on one income so it was quite tight. And my children would see things that their friends would get and want them, but they would be well beyond our means. I know that these things are hard to discuss with a 12 year-old son, but we found a way that worked out really well for us. I would just tell them that I can’t get you everything that you want, but I definitely can get you some of those things so when there’s something you want, we will just put it on a list. And then when a birthday or holiday comes around, I will have that list to go off of. It settled the matter for the children, knowing that I listened and that I cared about what they wanted, and I really did put it on a list. And they were already aware that they would never get everything on the list, but they would get some of it. It helped because I validated their feelings and was very honest about the situation without making them feel bad about my money situation or anything. And hopefully it has helped them in their adult lives and with their children to be respective toward the feelings of the child, but honest about the family financial structure.I hope the simple trick will help. Blessings to you.

[@ValerySherina]

Sell the camper (you can rent one if you want to go camping) Pay CC dept Invest the rest in ETFs like VOO, mutual funds, or a target date (later year if want it to be more aggressive) Set up automation investments every paycheck. Don't see the money, don't spend it. Contribute a proportion of income to household bills (electric, rent, water, property tax if you pay it) Budget food, meal plan etc. Have an honest conversation with the son, showing him bills, income, etc., teaching him that money dont grow on trees, getting him involved. Showing him the value of investing, savings spending. As simple as tasking him with doing groceries every so often and paying with CASH, so he sees money going away.

[@ek6007]

These people haven't learned much from their past relationships.

[@TR-lh9yz]

There's no "we" here at all. It's all my money, his money, he pays for this, I pay for that, I'm not paying for him to retire with my money, etc. And she's talking like it's going to be that way AFTER they get married.

[@divamiami8931]

I wonder if that is why HE did not do a follow up.

[@sienastevens]

“What are you doing in 20 years? I’m not paying for you.” These people should not get married until they understand the sheer absurdity of this question. They’ve normalized financial instability.

[@kelmike060404]

Lame he doesn’t have the common decency to give an update after all the time and effort you and your team put into them.

[@mithicash1444]

You really think he is the problem in this situation?

[@nomaam5891]

Great that you chose a couple who aren’t high earners and have true financial issues! Ramit listens! However, this couple is a mess. Marriage/house buying need not be a concern. They both need to heal from their past relationship drama (ahem, therapy) and really get to the root of things. Finances should be kept separate because each needs to learn how to handle their finances independently. She needs to let her grown daughters be adults and he needs to man up and get some real income. Live apart and date but honestly, they can’t even afford to do that. I don’t think they are going to change and his lack of response to follow up further shows that.

[@holamissmusica]

Not surprised about the follow-up to be honest. Richard looked spaced out. When asked questions about creating a vision, he talked a good game, hope he can execute on it.

[@nomaam5891]

I doubt it

[@sarelloo]

I'm wondering of he wasn't day dreaming about living in that family duplex for free, and at most, just being her boyfriend. There would be nothing wrong with that, the last thing he needs is to marry into this family.

[@slf5141]

She needs to stop with spoiling her kids... find better men to get into relationships. Set some boundaries

[@CambieSweets]

She’s not going to attract better men because her finances and dynamic with her children is a mess. This will be her 3rd marriage if they actually follow through. There’s a common denominator here. It’s not about the men.

[@jacquelinemorris3581]

Thank you Ramit for this episode. This definitely hit home for me as I am a single mom and have two grown kids. I am also the second oldest out of seven siblings so alot is on my shoulders. I usually put myself last. This is a good reminder to have healthy boundaries and to put myself first.

[@AbiTheEngineer]

This whole family is a mess omg... I think they should focus on getting their lives together before even thinking about marriage

[@thehoteldeveloper]

You take care of your kids by teaching them how to live properly. Because one day you won't be here.

[@kelleyking]

Suggestion: give son a small chunk of cash, say $50. Then a small allowance of $10 a month. When he asks for non necessary items, tell him that the allowance is for him to use if he wants something. He’ll have to learn to save and prioritize.

[@shadowfox2120]

My dad did this with me and it was what I bought video games for myself with. It did teach me to save and think about what I wanted to spend it on.

[@TheSharmam]

it will not work, because kid models parent's behaviour. if they continue to live beyond their means, what do you think he will learn ? you have to discipline yourself first

[@kelleyking]

@@TheSharmam this is self discipline. She gives him a small set amount and sticks to it.

[@milivaro]

Prioritize your retirement please! Especially if you care about your children. You don’t want to be a financial burden for them later on.

[@jenbar308]

Yes, I wish Ramit would emphasize this more with parents who have not saved. They WILL be a source of stress for their grown children, as the kids are trying to take care of THEIR families and retirement

[@Tammy.822]

Ngl, as I was watching this my main thought was how I’d run far away from this relationship if I was either of them. They seem like nice enough people who make bad decisions and lack accountability (so much blame on previous relationships). Between them there’s garnishments, loans, divorces and a bunch of kids with no investments/savings at 40+ years old. I’m not surprised he didn’t send a follow up - he seemed uncomfortable and defeated (he was even embarrassed to tell her his salary). I hope she gets over the mom guilt. Removing the daughters from the phone plan might not make a big difference financially but hopefully it establishes boundaries and breaks a cycle.

[@nomaam5891]

Perfect summarization here!

[@Natalie_11188]

Yes, it might be best for both of them to just date and live a part, be companions. If things change in the next 3 or so years (or when her son graduates HS) they can re-evaluate.

[@ignitionSoldier]

I hope she can follow through and put her foot down for those children. If she doesn't then the world will do it for her, and that is never a good thing. She is not doing them any favors.

[@ST-wo3uw]

I've been financially independent since age 18. I'm now 50 and heading toward early retirement with healthy investments. I can tell you, my parents not giving me everything I and my siblings wanted is the BEST gift they ever gave us!

[@belindaferreira7445]

It's amazing how you grow with parents that gives you everything and you pass this to the next generation. She was crying for not be able to help her adult kids. 😮😮 My daugther is so independent...she even support me on vacations and give me a lot of gifts. 😊😊

[@ebarrett713]

I love when Ramit calls people out for blowing him and his team off. He's so patient and he gives people incredibly valuable advice. I'd love to get 1:1 coaching like that!

[@mirandawalker6600]

1:05:17 you can help your kids by planning for your retirement so that the financial burden doesn't fall on them later on in life

[@SixthSenseSynesthete]

10 grandkids at age 48 is wild lol

[@gregr1154]

I’m just passed eight minutes in and she doesn’t see him as a partner, but rather as a source of income

[@saeedhossain6099]

yeah, she found herself a broken man and wants to squeeze what is left out if him, consciously or unconsciously.

[@gregr1154]

@@saeedhossain6099 she is a walking set of red flags. Selfish and irresponsible. and twice divorced, and apparently her last husband was smart enough to have a prenup!!!

[@jip230]

That’s the problem with moving a guy in when you’re not on top of your personal finances. They NEED this relationship to work - they’re financially indigent without each other. This is a really complicated position to live in

[@SuzanneU]

Be fair. If the positions were reversed, would you say the same thing? If it were Richard concerned that Dawn might be a financial drain? This is common sense, not a woman trying to squeeze a broken man. It would be equally logical to say that Richard has found himself a cash cow that he intends to milk dry. Both claims are mean-spirited and based on the claimant's prejudices.

[@gregr1154]

@@SuzanneU except that Richard is making far less and a sinking his money into her entire family. It doesn’t sound like he’s got any ownership steak or claim in the house and she doesn’t sound to be willing to share her retirement or pension with him so it’s all about her and her family.

[@HoustonTom]

As an infrequent Ramsey listener, I’m very impressed that these 2 are not in large debt like many. Kudos to them.

[@sgc1401]

She had a bankruptcy and again has credit card debt. She took a loan from her 401K partly to buy a camper. She does have big debt.

[@dyhppyx]

Why does no one ever say maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids. Untouchable topic. Why?

[@emysoarespt]

Love the episode as always but love even more the new camera angles and editing. Getting better and better 💪🏽

[@roxannegonzalez5223]

I enjoyed this episode. I was tired of hearing from couples with high incomes and high investments.

[@EndoExcision]

45:47 One therapy concept you might consider instead of “if it were me, I’d feel” is to have them role play a situation using different emotions. “What might your thoughts be about finding out you make double the median if the emotion you carried into it was anger? What about if you carried gratitude?” “You can have a lot of emotions at the same time, here’s a list of emotions that people can feel, can you talk to me about this using a few different emotions?” People forget that the emotion colors the situation, not vice versa. This is why we have loss aversion according to Kahneman’s prospect theory. Logic is used in processing but our EMOTION centers do the actual decisionmaking. Side-loading a different emotion into the processing circuit with therapy or mindfulness actually results in different decisions! I love when you do this when you have them talk to each other. Double down on it! It’s sooo good.

[@LL-pq5uo]

Interesting that she didn't mention her financial dynamics with her kids at all in the update -- I'm sure nothing has changed with that and she's still paying the phone bills for her daughters and buying everything her son texts her pictures of

[@kareno3364]

Ramit, you are so brilliant at your job. Bravo!

Hey ramit, phone salesman here. Whenever guests run into this issue of "I pay my kids phone bill because it's cheaper to do that" let them know that if all the kids got off and created their own family plan without the parents on the plan they'd likely be paying the same. Obviously run the numbers and remember in phone sales that the numbers you come up with are not always the number that will be reflected on your bill but you can get down to a relatively reasonable range of what you would pay and then always shoot $20 higher than that just to be safe. That's my two cents on the phone stuff though

[@Nessaface02]

Appreciate a couple in their 40s!

[@alexandradarbyshire7433]

Really dope to see normal people on here

[@datownkidd]

Oh thats not a membership. It's a campground time share.

[@ChrisWojno]

That you, Caleb?

[@gaurinawathe6856]

She also said she uses the campground "for free" 😬

[@erikzulu]

Thanks to Dawn and Richard for coming out and talking openly about this; Huge! ( time, effort, guts - like talking in front of 1,000's of people, and opening their situation to the world) The non-judgmental Ramit handle this was inspiring for others to learn from; we learn from other peoples struggles, failures and successes. Comments less so.

[@beccalex89]

Really enjoyed this intro…well done. Caught my attention and made me excited to watch the episode.

[@renatushca]

Behavioral changes are difficult and take time.Ramit has said repeatedly that many couples need therapy and open communication ❤️ as always, I am grateful for all the stories that show different ways people see finances. This couple and many others is incredible brave to expose their problems and to seek solutions. I wish them nothing but success. It is possible even when you don't fully believe it

[@grocio.18]

I would feel like; whats better, to be the responsible tough mom/grandma who's got a big house and actual knowledge and inheritance to give or the Sweet relaxed IRRESPONSIBLE grandma who's broke and still working at X place at 80 + years old.......She doesn't realize her son already treats her badly, it's not gonna get worse right now.......Also, so sad that this culture is SO consumeristic XMAS is actually a huge topic of conversation every year!!!!!!! I can't remember a single gift my grandparents gave me. I remember all the time we spent together and all the lessons they taught me.

[@TheSharmam]

i do feel chrsitmas is about giving to less fortunate not spoling your kids rotten, I try to control this at my home, but despite my best effort we get carried away

[@whyme7862]

Engaged to a man with 5 kids.. seems like she's about to repeat the same habits.

[@kemi1486]

I didn’t hear where they said he had 5 kids. At 2:40 Ramit said Rich has no children.

[@whyme7862]

@kemi1486 it's one of her daughters

[@amendaalmonte2236]

@@kemi1486one of the daughters has five step children (which is why it’s ten grandchildren in total)

[@slf5141]

Sounds like shes picking the wrong men to marry

[@jip230]

It sounds like she’s marrying men when she really doesn’t need to. Okay husband one I understand. But two and possibly three?? You don’t have to marry every guy you have a relationship with or live with. And looking at Rich and his situation, these two probably shouldn’t be married

[@shadowfox2120]

​@@jip230Rich looks so defeated. He hasn't healed from his last relationship and is just getting dragged along.

[@TJrules299]

It’s not that hard to end up in financial distress. Try some compassion.

[@dnah02]

Or the right one since he has put up with her situation for this long.

[@mrsterious5845]

This couple needs more than financial counseling. They seem to have issues that warrant individual counseling, couples counseling, premarital counseling, and family counseling. Understandable that Richard would be hesitant to combine finances, and it's probably wise for unmarried couples not to combine finances. Dawn's money issues seem to pre-date her relationship with Richard, so I can't see how him earning more/handing over more money for bills or whatever, will solve anything. However, he might feel better about himself if he earned more. He does come across as someone who feels a bit defeated by the world. Counseling might help. Dawn acknowledges her past money choices were not optimal, but she also gives off a vibe that she's stuck with that pattern of choices forever. As if she is ruled by it. If they can each act differently with respect to money, they might have a chance to break free from their current thinking about money.

[@TheSharmam]

i am not sure if all that counselling will fix here. cause she has had extreme circustances like bankruptsy etc. and yet refuses to change. Counselling only works if someone is ready and she aint ready!

[@MrWalrus2008]

Ramit was a master in this episode. Compassionate, stern, and in control. Everything he said was true, even if it came off to the guests as tough. I hope the guests take his advice to heart.

[@TJrules299]

Having the pension is a lifesaver for her. Ppl in her situation don’t have to plan the same as others.

[@ceciliaruns72]

I would not marry nor combine finances with a cigarette smoker that doesn’t have any retirement savings. It’s a recipe for disaster.

[@zipporahngigi4532]

Finally a couple that makes a "normal " amount of money

[@joycef8443]

The son is a minor..she should get Christmas for him. All the grandkids could get a much smaller gift…about $20.00 each.

[@Natalie_11188]

Yes- I’d set a small budget for the 12yrs old and maybe host the holiday meal (or everyone can contribute a dish). Nothing wrong with celebrating Christmas without gifts for adults.

[@dnah02]

Merry Christmas cards with 3 dollars each is a great gift.

[@OurPerez]

They should not join anything. They are NOT married.

[@notNaB2024]

It's very interesting how for us humans it's always much easier to avoid your issues, be it financial or otherwise, and just blame the other person about them.

[@Tomakri15]

She doesn’t need to make more money. She needs to learn how to manage her money starting with saying no to her family

[@Tabletop_Nonsenseverse]

Why is she treating him like an income source?

[@StevenEdwardsAudio]

She’s 48 with 10 grandchildren! What in the Mormon?!

[@HoustonTom]

Her daughters, in their early and mid 20s, are with men who brought children with them. Sounds like only 2 of the 10 are her biological grandchildren.

[@IAmebAdger]

Good work on this episode!

[@openmind4153]

"addicted to the struggle" like that Remit!

[@mamalovesthebeach437]

That 12-year-old boy needs a good solid reality check. Mom, who is running your household? I raised my son as a single mom from the time he was 6 1/2. They will test you to see where your weak points exist and then exploit them. Her son has learned to manipulate her which he will then carry forward into life and how he will likely treat his mate. Everything needs to stop with this kid. He gets a budget for school clothes based on what you can afford not what he wants. At his age, he can get an after school job in the neighborhood whether it’s watering a neighbor’s yard walking a dog, etc. for any extraneous things he may want. If she can’t make it on her own, they need to rent out the basement. She needs to stop spending money on her grown kids and let them be adults. The worst thing you can do is a parent is to artificially prop your kids up financially… you’re making yourself feel better but prolonging their childhood. There is no way this family should combine finances until they each can pull it together. They both need to take 100% responsibility for their past financial failures and stop blaming others. If they don’t, they will repeat this failure again.

[@mlewelk]

Man thats a lot of ads

[@mirandawalker6600]

51:04 you can rent a camper and a truck!!

[@ValerySherina]

Mint sim for all. It's $15 per line per month. This will drop their family phone bill to 45 for 3 lines: him, her, her son.

[@marcrose23]

Agree with your last point Ramit - should have started with the conversation you had last - this couple needs a sense of urgency

[@jaynebirkholz1596]

Yes! Lots of WANTS. I am really questioning what they are willing to do to get their finances under control.

[@LeeannGolish]

Love watching your episodes Ramit. This color cast is super green - just giving you a heads up for your lighting on the new set.

[@kingsgold]

Dawn is definitely avoiding difficult conversations with her kids. and in doing so, spoiling them. She really needs to just pul the bandaid off and do it. She and her kids will come out better for it. No reason to be spoiling them, especially at her age when she knows better.

[@ntimn8r]

This is such a great episode! I feel their situation is very average for middle-aged couples on their second or third marriages. They have time, and they can get it together if they stick to it.

[@MoneyMindsetCoach3]

This guy is a mess as far as finances, he doesn’t coke off as responsible at all, a red flag in my opinion. I was married for 30 years to someone who wasn’t responsible with money! Not fun!

[@IMBLESSED-oe6dl]

It's like having a 4th child

[@nomaam5891]

I mean she isn’t much better herself. Just because she makes more on paper, she’s worse with what she makes. Granted he needs to go find work that he can make a decent living. She is expecting WAY too much from him.

[@shannonzittlow8462]

Richard has low ambitions

[@shogun120]

This man can’t afford a gray divorce. He can’t afford to date until he has a solid foundation.

[@Diamondbeach20]

Richard needs to get a real job 40 hrs a wk. my refugee parents came to America 30 yrs ago. My dad was a janitor two full-time job 80 hours a week making 5-6 dollars an hour and we got by. Cut expensive from and live within ur mean.

[@EnriqueOlavarria]

I like these videos that you can find in between sponsor breaks

[@CuriousApollo]

I thank this couple are coming on. I don’t have a lot of hope for them. Especially with her follow up in the lack of his. From her follow up I feel she’s clearly not gonna change her plan because she feels her pension is so great. Did a quit Google and I think the max she could get for 70 a year. Still not enough, Girl. My big Takeaway is neither of them take responsibility for their own lives or financial situations and probably never will. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I don’t think lower income + high debt are the best for Ramits philosophy. Sure can you learn from everybody’s a little bit but this couple would probably be better off on Caleb show and getting some sense knocked into them. Also, she clearly didn’t read the book. I don’t know why she lied about that.

[@rachelhall6287]

Great comments

[@JazminMartinez-pm4ds]

I absolutely agree! Or maybe Romaine Faure (who is more gentle) but still will push you and show how dire your situation is if you don't change.

[@marlodela8029]

Is it just me or is this episode filmed more poorly? The camera is shaky and lighting isn’t so good. I think I would have been better off listening to it than watching.

[@Lesmith82]

I can’t help but notice that Ramit is leaning forward while Richard and Dawn are leaning back.

[@katherinealba6768]

Very interesting episode and truly identifiable for many non-marital couples.

[@pg9566]

How many kids did her daughter marry into again? Yikes

[@charmin78]

“I give in because I don’t want to deal with the reaction”

[@Aisha_babii]

Just two roommates paying bills together 😵‍💫

[@rocioiribe5841]

couldn't really finish this one, i wish them the best.

[@Leisuregirl2000]

1:05 "you talk a lot about what you want, vs what you are willing to do" wow

[@akiekow]

It’s funny how it initially sound like he’s the issue, but then you see she’s all over the place.

[@a.miller8316]

She shouldn't be living in a house she can't afford on her own, first red flag... His wages are being garnished, foreclosed house, repossessed car... Second red flag... Both of these things are entirely their own faults, not the exes... You choose those exes and you chose not to manage your money at all.

[@Jungles_of_Lustria]

Would love to come see you but you are not nearby, and the money will go towards my investments instead - Not that I don't want to see you Ramit, but gotta viciously cut back on what I don't want and spend generously on what I do! Like buying your new book! What's the chances of getting a signed copy somehow?