My fiancé wants an open marriage? Monogamy vs. Polyamory | A black YouTuber Reacts

[@jennyjets9958]

Yoooooo that girl is Shan Boody. She’s so dope. I hope people don’t only see her open relationship and define her just from that. She has so much great insight that can also apply to monogamous relationships too. She’s also married and pregnant now!

[@AtiyaWalcott]

I actually saw her channel aka the algorithm placed it in my feed right after posting this. They seem to be thriving and happy

[@LuLu24Ayo]

And can we just acknowledge how blessed she looks holy heck she’s SO gorgeous even when she’s mad or irritated you can STILL see her THRIVING.

[@depressedBHT]

I'm a heavily monogamous person. Why? Because I'm under the asexual umbrella making sexual relationships with other people more work than it's worth. I also have an element of jealousy as well, and it always comes back to being uncomfortable being touched (sexually) by other people. Sex with my partner is the only sex that interests me and I'm grossed out by the idea of sex with anyone else. Humans are naturally on a gradient just like with sexual orientation. Just like with gender. Polyamory is just as valid and fulfilling as monogamy for the right people. I just hate when anyone (poly or mono) is made to feel like their choice is wrong or invalid. I only made it 1 minute 32 seconds into the video because that first question triggered me SO bad.

[@AtiyaWalcott]

I agree, people should simply be able to live as they choose. thank you for leaving a comment either way

[@depressedBHT]

@@AtiyaWalcott of course!! I'm honestly disappointed I couldn't watch it because I love your videos 🥺

[@carolchikitani]

I see polyamory a lot like society looked (still do) at pan/bisexuality. I understand that we have set this standard that what's "normal" is one male and one female individual are the accepted match, both sexually and romantically, be it for religious or scientific reasons. Personally as someone who identifies as pan/bisexual + demiromantic I'm a strong believer that feelings (romantic or platonic) are not black and white and that includes the part that says what "percentage" of yourself you feel committed to one individual or more. I think the woman who on the polyamory side who was more vocal and forward responds to most of the questions asked that way because she is used to be judged on her non-traditional style of life. When you have monogamous people telling you that they don't "believe" people can be in more than one romantically/sexual relationship, it feels like they're invalidating what the polyamorous people feel and of course that can be very frustrating. To hear others saying you're not living "the right" way or that "it's just because you haven't found The One" sounds a lot like the judgment non-heterosexual folks deal with when they come out to conservatives that say they don't agree/believe people are wired that way. As a demiromantic I struggle to form deeper romantic connections, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with me either. I mean, there's a LOT wrong with me and tks to my therapist and medications I'm at least facing and trying to work on them, but I know for sure that this part isn't one I should or will fix. Anyways, I really enjoy watching your honest reaction to videos. Hope my commentary can offer a different perspective for you to reflect!

[@ArtsAndNicole]

I've been in an open relationship for 6+ years and I've never been happier. I feel secure and safe with my partner and the more we see other people the more we appreciate and love each other. We know that we choose to be together rather than feeling like we have to be with each other. Too often to people just stay together out of comfort or fear of not finding anyone else. We are together because we want to be and knowing that makes the love so much deeper for us.

[@sienahyde876]

Yo my dude also so happy for u about getting married and moving u seem very happy Xx

[@evgulley]

The jumanji music in the beginning of the video was low key stressing me tf out

[@starhill6792]

Girl I am WITH YOU. I wanted to be that person who could do open relationships. In fact my fiancé & I started out as an open relationship, but we both never actually.. were “open.” We were actually with no one else & are celebrating our 2 year anniversary here soon.

[@121097kierstenmoore]

I'm barely attracted to one person at a time 🤣

[@AtiyaWalcott]

😂😂😂😂 same tbh

[@121097kierstenmoore]

@@AtiyaWalcott 🤣🤣🤣

[@brittanycarey233]

This was Soo good! A lot of great insight! I really appreciated your commentary too. I felt like it just added way more substance and I could totally relate to how you were feeling. Also, I just love how "chill" you are! Yes, you are chill. You make me laugh out loud.😂

[@TheKatarinaGiselle]

I literally enjoy every single one of your videos and you are such an incredibly likable person! You’re doing so great with your channel, lady! 💓🙌🏼 ps: you and your mans are adorable together! Loved that ending!

[@AtiyaWalcott]

Thank you so much!! 💓

[@bricksallover6569]

Girl I sAw Shan boody n clickkkeeedd😅♥️aLso you ofc xx luv that u do whatever with your vids. Feels real n youtube needs it 😭 Edit: genuinely. It’s really cool to see that you kept the initial judgemental-ish joke in but corrected urself. Really appreciate it

[@Chickadeemedicine]

I don't have an issue with others bein poly, but I just can't do it. I lack the social skills to handle multiple partners. I've tried and I just get way overwhelmed. However, I do believe that its not an issue to "browse the menu" as long as ya appreciate what ya ordered and thank the chef (like my dad and step mom point out attractive people to each other all the time. Or sometimes horrible people as a joke "There's a looker for ya babe" lmao)

[@graysonnobles7472]

I feel you. I’m super monogamous, and I have hella anxiety about relationships. I feel like being poly would multiply my anxiety and I couldn’t handle it. But, no hate to poly people! If everyone involved is happy, then that’s cool!

[@SM-BSW]

13:16 it depends. Most polyamorous relationships are cut from whole cloth, so there's no one answer. For some, having a romantic but not sexual relationship with someone would count them as a partner. And there may be people you have sex with that you wouldn't consider a full fledged partner, because there's no emotional weight to that dynamic. Non monogamy really forces you to hone your communication and negotiation skills. Because you can get into trouble when you make assumptions about what is and isn't okay with your partners. If that makes sense.

[@WoopdiFrickenDoo]

Hi, I'm polyamorous. I grew up in a society of compulsory monogamy that rewards possessiveness and jealousy as well as the judgement of deviance. I went to a workshop once that really changed my perspective on relationships (this is in response to your question about the "line" in relationships). The workshop facilitator said something like "treat your lovers more like your friends and treat your friends more like your lovers". that doesn't necessarily mean go fuck your friend if that's not what you're into, but rather strive for the depth of intimacy you would have with your partner and apply it to your friendships, and in turn treat your partner with the same respect for boundaries that you would with a friend. There is also a whole spectrum of sexuality, so someone who is asexual might have different criteria of intimacy for partners vs friends. for me, I am trying to apply what I learned in the workshop as much as possible. I think every polyamorous person has their own set of preferences, as monogamy is more deeply entrenched so there are more norms, whereas polyamory has more opportunity to carve ones own path because norms are less embedded.

[@AtiyaWalcott]

thanks for sharing! I think what you wrote was beautiful

[@michellestoward6864]

I feel like for his argument that we have multiple friends and therefore why not multiple partners, if you look at it from a sort of animalistic point of view, humans are communicative ‘pack animals’. We need company, a group of people we are comfortable with, we go insane when we are isolated. The community of friendship is human nature. The same way finding one ‘viable’ partner that you are drawn to (mostly for the human instinct of breeding) is a part of our makeup. Idk just my opinion lol

[@wge621]

Yes but having sex with multiple people also used to the norm for humans. A big part of that changing was to create more defined power structures, eg this is my son, this is my wife. By having the nuclear family, you have clear lines of power, whereas that is way less clear if a woman has slept with 5 guys in the last 6 months. It's a social construct more than a biological one. That being said I do think many are perfectly happy in that construct.

[@SM-BSW]

If you want a more accurate depiction of polyamory, I recommend the book "Love's Not Colorblind" by Kevin Patterson. It's excellent, and discusses the intersection of race (Kevin and his wife are black. His wife is one of the most badass people I've ever met.) And polyamory. Even if polyamory isn't your jam, I still recommend the read. And you'll be supporting an awesome black self employed author.

[@kristyhulse3]

Loved the video. Keep it up! I liked the open dialogue of this group, sometimes the discussions aren’t as level headed. I got where everyone was coming from, but I do agree that communication, respect and trust are the main things any relationship needs to make it work, from friendships to partnerships. P.s you guys are so cute and your doggies. Sending positive vibes your way!

[@teiganbanks1219]

This was such an interesting and lovely video, even Atiya’s commentary I just really like this video

[@meggrim1000]

you’re adorable when you get all quirky... i love you dude 🥰

[@ItsMona4Me]

This is kinda old, and it’s pretty cool how Shan’s (poly in red) life has changed so much since then. My husband and I will NEVER have “open anything” other than love and communication with EACH OTHER. Period . Lmao! Love the consistency on your videos boo! 😍

[@jayliketheletter4941]

Uff I’m a bit triggered with this topic. As a gay man, I feel like the majority of gay men I’ve met are into polyamory/open relationships and I’m just like.... I can’t. Not for me. No judgment to others who are in polyamorous relationships. I just don’t think I could ever see myself in one. I was raised Catholic and though I don’t agree with the same beliefs now as an adult, I can’t sit here and say it hasn’t influenced my approach to relationships. That being said, my partner having sexual experiences with others would put me at risk of catching STI’s and STD’s. So there are just practical reasons as well. Again, no judgment to anyone. If it works for you and you’re happy, then great. I’m happy for you. But also don’t judge me for not wanting that for myself.

[@AtiyaWalcott]

Thanks for sharing your POV Cal! I love that your mention your religious upbringing. Like you, I can see how being raised in the faith, influences my adult life, and my romantic life. But ultimately I believe people can choose to live how they please. Thanks for commenting!! 💓

[@jayliketheletter4941]

Atiya Walcott totally. It’s literally about just respecting each other’s lives and choices. Especially when it doesn’t affect us in the slightest. It was nice to see such different explanations as to why they have gone for polyamory. I don’t fully understand it. Even after listening to multiple people explain their reasoning but it just isn’t more me so I don’t really have to understand. Just respect. Anyways, love your vids. Feel like I’m just sitting with a friend, watching KZbin and drinking coffee.

[@JJHula]

Omg same. It’s so hard to find a gay monogamous relationship feels like every guy I date pressures me to be open or collects fwbs they won’t drop for anyone, all addicted to Grindr. They wanna do that, that’s fine, but it sucks open relationships are not appealing or romantic for me 😭

[@Waterlilly995]

I’m not poly but I’m « open ». We have the option to be intimate with others if we want to (and have/give the green light). We currently aren’t exercising it but the fact that the option is there relieves some of the pressure (to me). We both feel that physical intimacy can just be that, without the emotional ties. And we both prioritize the relationship over any other entanglements lol. To be fair I️ do have commitment issues 😆

[@j.j.3113]

Waiting for the day you star in one of these social experiments, youd be way cool to see

[@offensivelyright5362]

I personally don't want to share I damn share don't want to add someone we are legit happy and adding a person would likely make us unhappy and I feel you on the you can do whatever you want type of thing but you're right because I care about my fiance so much and have respect for him I would never do anything to hurt him if I felt like I wanted to be with somebody else as mean or harsh as it sounds I would break up with him because I know the fact that cheating on him would hurt and breaking up with him with her but at least I respect him enough to break up before getting with another person

[@lindseyhuffman5117]

11:45 was the cutest thing haha

[@mimipastry]

From what I understand from my ex being poly, he explained it as some people in a way satisfy different interests or needs? Some people may be for sexual or physical satisfaction, some for emotional, engaging and discussing different interests, goals, things like that. I haven’t discussed this with him for some time so I can’t speak for a community I’m not apart of but that’s what I vaguely remember and from separate research I did

[@AtiyaWalcott]

Thanks for leaving your insight either way!!

[@mimipastry]

Atiya Walcott Thank you for asking, I appreciate seeing how others feel about this topic because it’s pretty new to me, within the last year. Love your videos also, I just found you last well 💛

[@SM-BSW]

Kat Blaque also has an excellent video on why she is poyamorous: kzbin.info/www/bejne/epO3Y4p6icahetk

[@twilit]

I’ve got no issues with anyone else who wants or does that but I wouldn’t want to deal with that. At the same time I don’t believe in marriage because I don’t believe in privileging people in certain relationships over others and fundamentally can’t think of a single reason why marriage is needed - you can choose to be with someone as an adult with another adult there’s no reason government needs to get involved and privilege certain relationships over others. It’s even worse that the govt gives tax advantages to married people when they have two incomes already...

[@YuiMewMew]

Are you a Pisces or Capricorn? You give me those vibes 🥺

[@MyEu4ia]

i'm polyamorous and these poly-people are a little wierd imo. I would say every couple sets their own boundaries. I don't like boundaries, I more like "Lets hang out once a week/three times per week or lets always sleep together at night are examples. Talking about what you want and what your partner wants. I dated a guy for a while who was dating 13 other girls, but I really liked being with him (we are still friends but not super sexual), he made me feel free and I always had fun with him and felt happy to leave as well. We are really good friends now and I just stopped dating him because I fell in love with another guy and wanted to put more time on this new guy. I'm right now seeing a guy and a girl, both sexually, both very deep relationships. We talk about feelings and our other partners with each other. I wouldn't say one "should" have a primary partner, but it's common people do that, have a primary and f*ck around with others. I mostly just want to build deep and lovely relationships. I don't see my friends as less important just because I don't see them as often as the (now) two people who are my friends and whom I also have sex with. I used to be crazy jealous but I realised this thing; I want everyone I love to be happy. I know I can't be their happiness, but I can be part of it.. And the fact that my partner is in love with someone else doesn't mean my partner STOPS LOVING ME. If you kiss someone new, you still have love for your partner.... Hmm.. Ask questions if you want. I feel like I'm quite the healthy polyamorous person ^^.. Even if I like the word "relatinship anarchist" better ;D hehe.

[@UpNorth3390]

Oh thank God this was click bait!!!! I was going to say "Gurrrl Run". I just feel like that polyamory is just an excuse not ever having to commit. Let's be honest in the past most Polygamist were men with several wives (female partners). I'm curious how many women polygamist there are vs men. For me I'm grateful to have that one person who really gets me and unconditionally loves me. Atiya I love these videos. It motivates me to explore the subject more. Thank You.

[@SM-BSW]

I recommend reading *Love's Not Colorblind* by Kevin Patterson. He breaks down how non monogamy works in a thoughtful, nuanced way. Poly isn't inherently better or worse than any other relationship style. And like monogamy, it can be done very well, very badly, and everything in between. *Designer Relationships* is another solid explainer.

[@UpNorth3390]

@@SM-BSW Thanks I will check it out.

[@A_ree_ta]

Damn Atiya, them mid rolls 😍😍

[@AtiyaWalcott]

😂😂😂 I swear I just click the ‘ad ads randomly button’ I hope it’s not too bad lmao

[@A_ree_ta]

Atiya Walcott I got like 4 on mine girl. Make that bank. 🤑🤑 get that baby 👶🏽

[@SZAliaBanks]

Exactly. Jealousy is a natural emotion but the important part is how it manifests and how you deal with it (you rationalize, you trust, etc). I think everyone made good points, especially the white woman but the poly white guy said a lot of BS.

[@wge621]

You don't have to be physically intimate in a polyamorous relationship, just as you don't in a monogamous relationship

[@callumcallahan7794]

Lmfao I have no chill. Of course have you seen your Zodiac sign?