"My Girlfriend's Past Disgusts Me:" 5 Tips for Healing | RetroactiveJealousy.com

“My girlfriend’s past disgusts me,” is one of the subject lines I see most often in my email inbox. If disgust is plaguing your relationship, you’re not alone.
In this article, I share my top 5 strategies for shifting your perspective from “my girlfriend’s past disgusts me.”
These strategies come from years of supporting people to heal from obsessive negative thoughts about their partner’s past. Not to mention, my own healing.
Unless the amount of damage done is insurmountable, it usually possible to repair a relationship that’s been burned by feelings of disgust and judgment.
Whether it’s morals, biology, or a little bit of both, understanding the roots of disgust in romantic relationships can only help us so much.
As I am fond of telling students and coaching clients, “there is no intellectual solution for retroactive jealousy.”
The real answers lie deeper than our intellect.
Here are a few things I’ve learned from the thousands of people I’ve coached about how to heal from disgust about a girlfriend’s past.
Shifting our mindset takes time. But it’s always worth the investment.
If you’re doing the hard work of healing, know that you never have to do it alone.
You can join thousands of others in my course, jump on a call with me and talk things through one-on-one, or grab my guidebook and dive further into strategies which will compliment the ones I shared in this article.
I’ve helped thousands of people overcome obsessive jealousy and disgust. It would be an honour to be part of your healing journey, too.
Read the article: www.retroactivejealousy.com/m...
Read/listen/watch dozens of retroactive jealousy success stories, and learn more about my online course/private community at www.retroactivejealousy.com/c...
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"Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast" online course + private community: www.retroactivejealousy.com/c...
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[@crispinswainstonharrison9042]

I’m confused whether this is right, or whether this is just saying to me that I must lower my standards

[@copticvoice]

That's exactly what that is.

[@kayebae815]

i think it’s saying your standards aren’t necessarily “higher”, they are based off what you were told as a child and social conditioning, and it could be worthwhile to assess weather you really hold those beliefs. if you do, hold those standards!!!

[@juliawieczorek3262]

@Dinah N Damn ur Right

[@SadSaxGuy]

With this generation I’m in, gotta lower my standards I guess

[@bprabawabr]

This just talks about the how, not whether you should.

[@user-vt2yv6gy7x]

I can not address more how helpful your video or podcast was to me .Just want to let you know that you’re doing a great job ! I am truly grateful for your advices ,thanks man !

[@dionneyagla5731]

This is SO SPOT ON!!! I really don't feel the need to ask my guy questions, but it's all about THIS topic! THANK YOU, THANK YOU ZACHARY! I'M SAVING THIS ONE!

[@MrArthurlandry]

i (and some freinds) have this problem. We are accomplished (good jobs, good at sports/fitness good guys) but were a little slow on the update on women. We started dating seriously in mid 20s and looked for reasonably fit women with decent education, morals etc. The fact is that a women by that age is anxious about sex and does not want to be a virgin and gets curious. She is constantly apporached by men and is the gatekeeper who will let someone have sex (maybe older guy from first job ) and she can even approach/chase guys. She has agency to have sex As a man we can approach, do what it takes to be attractive but we are not gatekeeper and dont have agency. She is our "first" but we are not likely to be her "first". This happens to shy guys chasing shy girls.a shy girl is more likely to have sex experience than a shy guy

[@Benjamin-David]

I’ suggest ending the relationship ASAP. For your good.

[@angelicmelody404]

I think so... when one of my exes ended the relationship (after breaking 20 odd times in a year), i realised it was better for me although it hurt to break up. I just knew his past was something i could never deal with, no matter how much he loved me and wanted a future with me. I figured I cannot have a good future with this person based on his past because it would forever haunt me. I tried to reject all my dreams and hopes of getting married and having a family because of this relationship. We fought so many times, mainly because of RJ. Still to this day, i'm so glad it happened because i'm now with someone who has practically zero past and i can honestly say this is the best relationship i've had in my life despite my RJ tendencies as they are the least prominent in this relationship. I guess sometimes downward comparison really helps if your previous RJ experience has been so bad.

[@gbessone]

@@angelicmelody404 thats a good story. Are you a man or a woman?

[@omarvarela8533]

Amazing video once again!!!

[@parijatbhowmick134]

THANK YOU..THANK YOU SOO MUCH

[@finest2559]

Thank you 🙏🏾

[@icyy2015]

what do i do if those are my core beliefs?

[@tombauder8489]

So then what does a man do when his wife tells him later that she used to love taking on several partners simultaneously at parties, skinny dipping with a group, etc?

[@Brukner841]

One gets the hell away

[@Dawa202]

Run

[@kk0085]

Leave asap

[@Rob2gs]

Its only a fantasies like men who want to F 2 or 3 women .let her have her fantasies.

[@tombauder8489]

@@Rob2gs No, she actually used to do it

[@jmy106]

Really helpful, thank you Zachary. The problem I have is that my girlfriend is a wonderful person but has a history of BDSM, with a married man, and published photos of it. Writing a reflective statement on that is impossible...

[@ShredzZ]

🤮

[@ariaarulasan]

Throw that garbage away.

[@wecanonlywish9194]

I hope that is now "ex-girlfriend"..

[@Trolly.Troll.]

Wow… ummm how’s it going now.

[@PaulHorngaming]

What if you were already present in each other's lives at the time it was taking place? That you dont have to ask questions or assume anything, because at the time she was open and bragging about it?

[@ZacharyStockill]

The remedy is much the same for everyone. Endless details at my website.

[@our.secret1130]

I have an inexplicable feeling that my boyfriend has inappropriate feelings toward his own teenage daughter, from a previous relationship. Thing is, I have no evidence of this it’s just something I pick up on

[@FlashCave31]

Lol you are a whack job

[@LizzyBBYCakez]

Can you please do these videos in regards to women who suffer from this too? It’s literally the same for me with my boyfriend. And I feel like this video is a little bit leaned towards men, only.

[@ZacharyStockill]

If you search my channel, you’ll find numerous videos addressed to women.

[@dionneyagla5731]

I know just what you mean. I think it goes the same for boyfriends. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like RJ is extremely strong for women. Our "rivals" look like models, exotic dancers, etc., of course this is not to harp that looks are everything but for us with RJ/OCD, it can certainly paint some "spooky" images.

[@ghostleader83]

What if its ur exs baby father whos still in her life bc of the baby & that problem u have is that they made sex videos in they're past

[@dionneyagla5731]

Wow... Some things should have never been brought up to you. I'm so sorry. People do things with others that they are ultimately not meant to be with. It doesn't have to hold any water in the here and now. I'm sure that your girlfriend/the mom does not at all think about any old vids at all now. She is focused on you. I definitely feel you just the same.

[@ghostleader83]

@@dionneyagla5731 I ask questions that's why i knew about the topic,also found out how she values sex in relationships or casual dating so...I'm kinda disappointed & disgusted 😒

[@profound369]

@@ghostleader83 you just cannot have a relationship with her it won't work

[@jake5085]

What if you are a male virgin and female has lots of history?

[@GillAgainsIsland12]

Good luck. That happened to me and we ultimately broke up because of it.

[@samuelrobinson6802]

​@@GillAgainsIsland12same here

[@ayanokojikiyotaka4205]

I'm 19 virgin male and i really want my first sexual interaction happen with a virgin girl, but unfortunately the pool is getting shallow for that of requirement, girls nowadays are too free 😑😑

[@ivanemilov522]

@jake5085 If you still haven't gotten into that particular situation take a tip from a total stranger (I am way too serious here, if you love yourself listen) and don't ever get into such a relationship, NEVER... you'll be sitting there with full on anxiety attacks at times unable to do simple shit (it maybe less prominent for you or more...) you'll be imagining everything pre, during and post the moments you are supposed to enjoy the most with your loved one... you'll be constantly circling in your head stuff like "oh if that's the past, the future isn't much different and I'm just the next person"... if you value sex as something that's the absolute ultimate way of sharing and showing intimacy to a person you love, if sex for you is eual to love and beyond than find someone who shares the same values, otherwise you'll hate yourself and you'll also prevent her from finding someone... you can never wait too long before having sex with someone so wait, get to know her and then proceed, be sure you won't regret it before you cross that line... anyway cheers mate I hope you are doing well