The 3 Different Types of Retroactive Jealousy: An Explainer | RetroactiveJealousy.com

[@ZacharyStockill]

Click this link to see dozens of testimonials, and discover my flagship online course "Get Over Your Partner's Past Fast"---> www.retroactivejealousy.com/course-open/

[@TopTrendingHungary]

One sentence in your book helped me to overcome. "You don't have to decide now, you will decide when you are healed" I didn't qoute percisely but you get the idea, Zach! I don't value coaches much because I think what they are doing is bullshitting people. But Zach is different, he knows the issue more than anybody else so he can help people. You are very underrated according to the number of subscribers. I think you should consult with medical professionals, because your way is much better than cognitive behaviour therapy or other methods. Zach is holding the cure! Take it guys, you won't regret. :)

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks so much. Glad you’re finding my work helpful.

[@standardprejudice9188]

Thanks man. I was about to go insane.

[@standardprejudice9188]

@Yash Yadav hey man, honestly I would refrain from talking to her about it, because of you bring it up, you may come off as insecure. There is nothing you can really do besides accept it. You don't want to ruin a good relationship based off of something that already happened that had nothing to do with you. As long as she's with you and is happy, that's all that matters. Hope this helped.

[@standardprejudice9188]

@Yash Yadav it's easy to feel intimidated by a woman who has a past. That's a normal feeling. And the reason we're so scared is becuase we might think she would compare us to her past lovers.

[@supermushroom3175]

Me too. My gf of almost 5 yrs left me becus of my jealousy and constant questioning. She had been seeing this guy for a few months before she met me. It was never a relationship but she says to her that's where it was going but the guy pulled the plug at the end and I question her why neither initiated a relationship during that time. To me it sounded like a friend's with benefits situation and it tore me apart becus I initiated a relationship early on and fcked only once outside our relationship but this guy had been fckin her on the regular without ever asking her out or lifting a finger. I don't know how to process this and it destroyed our relationship. This sucks

[@sizzlingschumi9005]

@@supermushroom3175 dam I feel For you ..why is it hard for. Woman to admit their desires... N blame us for questioning... Damm

[@Learnandgrow12-m5i]

I feel guilty all the time for being distraught over her past. I feel guilty even writing this.

[@annalouise3939]

literally going through all of this. it gets so bad that I hate being intimate with my partner. it makes be want to burn my genitals or hurt myself or sometimes even commit suicide. I just can't stop looking for reassurance from him but it's never good enough. its so bad I cant even listen to love songs or watch TV without picturing him with an ex.

[@edwardjones7399]

Anna Louise If things were so good he’ll still be with her. Stop obsessing over things you have no control of the ex probably not even thinking about you or your ex put more energy to exercising give that energy back to her.

[@raptorarmament4670]

I’m going through this too, it’s happened for years but It comes and goes depending on my state of mind and who I’m with. It just sucks soooo bad. It always pops up when I fall in love. I feel your pain and know how bad it sucks. I’m going to fix this, I’m not crazy and seeing how many people feel these things has helped. I really thought something was wrong with me but I’m not alone. I hope you find your peace and know you’re not the only one.

[@Gloomf]

Anna, don't burn your genitals!! It's not worth it! :)

[@jamessharp9790]

Kick dat ass to the curb and don’t take him back no matter what! You’ll feel like a boulder was lifted off your chest . And quite empowered too.

[@jamessharp9790]

The fact that he’s giving the same advice to men and women is a red flag already. It’s crazy how high value men will stay with broken women and high value women will stay with broken men.

[@bangkokstevie]

Yep, I'm number 3. It's been a big factor in destroying my relationship. This video has helped me a lot. Thankyou.

[@ZacharyStockill]

You're quite welcome, Stevie.

[@bebodebo8183]

i thought i was abusive i have so much love and compassion i don’t want to feel this way

[@DackJaniels51111]

bebo debo you are not abusing, your hurting. People act out when they are hurting. I know this far too well, split up with my partner of almost two years and I’m hurting more from hurting her feelings than anything. Keep going bebo, you got this

[@vaniakeane3054]

I had the exact same thoughts bc I was hurting my s/o

[@JanineIsNotMyName]

Me too :(

[@FlyingEagleAM]

I feel so much better, having a name and techniques to feel better.

[@nicholasfrillman42]

Thank you so much. I’m going to share this with anyone else who suffers like I do. I didn’t follow your rule of not talking about it, but just knowing and coming to grip with it has helped me a lot. She knows I’m upset. But I’m not fighting with her over it. Thanks to your videos, I’ve been working to get over it.

[@UndoubtingThomas]

A few things that I wanted to say about this: 1. I hate to say it, but it is quite relieving to see that other people have similar issues with this type of situation. I felt so alone during the worst of my experiences with RJ OCD. It is even a relief to see that women also can experience this type of OCD, as I had the tendency to assume that I am some sort of Misogynist for having this issue with a female partner. I hope that those who read this comment don't read that I am grateful that other people are suffering, but rather that I am "not alone". 2. DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER'S SEXUAL PAST/ASK YOUR PARTNER QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR PAST. This only makes things worse, as it is a compulsive behavior. If your partner refuses to stop telling you about their sexual past (which was the case in my relationship that I ended because of this), then I would re-evaluate the relationship. Is it worth it? For me, the constant talking about her past sexual experiences was a constant trigger, and it was too much. She used it to abuse me emotionally and psychologically (although I am uncertain if she did this purposefully; I will never know). I will never allow myself to be in that situation again. 3. PLEASE TREAT YOURSELVES KINDLY. I know it hurts. But PLEASE be good to yourselves.

[@secretaryofoffense7118]

Yes 100% on if they are continuously and inappropriately bringing up their past experiences to degrade and abuse you. Especially if you've asked them to stop or made it clear it's uncomfortable. I've went through that and it fucked me up long term and really messed with my self esteem.

[@UndoubtingThomas]

@Political Chick I was on the other end-I thought it was primarily men experiencing this form of OCD.

[@blancagodinez8218]

I'm so glad to have found this video. I have been going to therapy for 7 months now and I knew one of the reasons I obsessed with my boyfriends past was because of my own insecurities but I could never explain to him or my therapist what I felt or what went on in my head. Now I have a definition and I finally feel like I know where to begin. Thank you!

[@TracyGreenwood]

It's a puzzle with no answer. So I had to just stop trying to figure it all out. There is no answer. Knowing that really helps.

[@JB-ml7xe]

I believe one of the recurring problems is being engaged with a partner as a virgin and the partner having many before you takes away the specialness in the relationship for people. I also suffer from this and it does get to your head, one cant understand how ones partner would do these things with different people, especially knowing them as intelligent and funny etc. That they would be stupid enough to do these things.

[@lelecheesy]

Yea I suffer from this. I get so jealous and a bit disgusted when I think about his past girlfriends and him.

[@siqbal8586]

Same.. 😭

[@deveshsonam]

Same ......I don't understand what to do ??????

[@MS-ns4ki]

@@lelecheesyI get so turned off and filled with hatred there is no turning back .

[@bredebremnes]

I’ve been struggling with type 3 for about 5 months now (ever since me and my partner had the classic «past» conversation on our 1 month anniversary), and I’ve always hesitated telling my partner about it and everyone else about it because I know they wouldn’t understand. I’ve also occasionally gotten the toxic thought that «my partner doesn’t get these thoughts, and he doesn’t care, so he must not love me to the extent that I love him» It has taken so unbarably much energy and suffefing dealing with these thoughts, but I can finally see a little hope and light after seeing your videos and reading your article. Thanks man

[@ZacharyStockill]

Glad to hear, Brad. Don't miss the free mini-course I created for people like you: www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course/

[@BASIANirishPRINCESS]

Glad I found this. I've struggled with various mental health for years. I couldn't understand why I had an obsession with my husbands affair. He actually got her pregnant and there was other 'factual' things that happened that hurt me. I thought I cud b the big person and forgive. After 5years I still struggle with this and my patience was about to run out. I hate feeling like this. I feel so damaged. I identify with type 3 although my frequency as decreased (fb stalking from several times a day to weekly-fortnightly) but the pain is more and the stress is more.

[@whatarethose7797]

Sarah Martin I've been there. I'm so sorry you have to go through this too. It's really painful emotionally and mentally.

[@MrISUAREZ]

Please don't think your crazy or have issues, I believe he needed to give you the Closure you needed. My issues are no were near what you have but its because I very proactive and can at times be to proactive based on my pass experiences. you can forgive but you'll never forget that being said i believe its his job to help you recover that back if he truly loves and cares for you, hope your in better place

[@mathew1812]

@@MrISUAREZ you're right

[@kishankumar-zx7uo]

ISRAEL SUAREZ Uuuu

[@mattisah2122]

Nice video. An eye opener. Very helpful. Thanks.

[@zoevega3469]

My boyfriend (im with him now) does not have a normal sexual past. He is one of (if not THE) most “player” of his friends. Its funny, because I thought I was going insane. I have constant mental pictures of him doing nasty stuff with other girls, but here is what makes it more difficult to overcome: the day we met, which was on a summer night, another guy had just confessed his love for me, which I politley declined because I didn’t feel the same way. As we were walking back to the party, we saw my boyfriend (This is where I met him). However, we saw him with another girl. Pressed up against the wall, making out and going right at it. I did not know him at the time, so even though I found it a bit shoking, I didn’t care. The other guy that had just confessed his love for me called him (they were friends) and my boyfriend came and told me his name, I told him mine. I didnt know it at the time, but 1 year later we would start dating. This, along with some insecurities, is the reason why I just cannot deal with this OCD rj thing so easily. Those mental pictures, They are REAL. Because when I met him, he was actually doing those nasty things in front of me. That was my first impression of him. Not only this, but there is this video of him making out with this girl semi naked on a trip he went to, (the girl is actually a friend of mine, but not a close friend) and this video totally triggered this whole thing even more. I have it, and i dont know why I can’t stop myself from watching it everynow and then. It’s the way he moves his lips, the way he puts his hand on her waist and that smile. That little smile he has at the end of the video. He does exactly the SAME thing with me. And I just can’t stop myself from thinking, What I find SO special, so private and so memorable, he has done the same with 20 other girls. Exactly the same way. I’ve only had 2 guys which I have gotten with in the past (and the 2nd one is my bf). Im not unnatractive, and i know that. Actually, there were SO many guys that have tried with me, and some of them are considered REALLY REALLY attractive. But my boyfriend is also consideres really atrracive as well. And he has gotten with a lot of girls in the past. Too many to count. I know this shouldn’t bother me. Out of the 20+ girls he has gotten with, he has only been in a serious relationship with 1 (im the second one). His first relationship was actually with his first kiss. And the girl is a celebrity in my country (and im not kidding). She is known as “THE most beautiful girl of upper-class Manhattan”, for my age at least. She has 289 thousand followers in instagram. This surprisingly, dosen’t bother me too much. But what DOES bother me is how between that beautiful girl and me, he managed to do so many sexual things with SO many girls. All of them, 1 night stands. It’s heartbreaking. Please help me. I do not know how to deal with this.

[@zdog3338]

Probably closer to 500 women sadly

[@mxiastate5629]

I am the same- I have been distancing myself and calming myself down. I am forcing myself to live my life like if he was not here ( we live together but him in one room and me in another.) We met 6 years ago and since the beginning concealment and lies. He tried changing but knowing things he mentioned to me just made me think like I was something he doesn’t deserve because someone could be giving me the respect I deserve and could have acknowledged and appreciated that I put everything to the side so that they knew I did not want to lose them. But he did not do the same. Now I just started distancing myself and doing things I like and keeping busy.. he still is around me but I almost treat him like since when we first met. We have to reverse engineer where we are by living backwards and extracting all the negativity. Trust me he is a big instagram fanatic and social media fanatic and I always put that stuff off for him and he never bothered to do the same for me. I felt like I deserved actual respect not ridicule and humiliation. He comes from a really great family so I do not understand him. But we definitely need to treat get out of the person we are that is imagining all this stuff or roleplaying flashes of scenarios in our head and see us as a 3rd person. You need to be the original essence that existed when you first met him so you can rewind all the movement you have made and has you in this position. I am starting to feel indifferent about him and it is baby steps because we just moved and live in separate rooms since April 1 2020. I don’t think he understands I am not jealous of what he does, I am finding myself .. the pure boy that had a lot to offer and told himself he would not be crying for someone at night. I picture a lot of things and used all the things he answered as a stress ball and then I will poke it with my anger .. but that is not healthy. We need to move backwards. Treat your relationship like as if you are a third person and you should feel like you are in a time loop going backward to the moment you first met .. and you will also get back the feelings and emotions you had at the time.. confidence, hope, peace, wanting to give yourself what you deserve etc. I am working on this myself- if I battled 4 years of depression and got through it without meds... this is nothing.. it is a mindgame .. a maze .. and you have to backtrack so your feelings and emotions as well as your thinking get back to where they were peacefully rooted... oh and you NEED to be cordial and civil almost as if treating business matters with him - this will remove the negativity and slowly your common sense and position of what you have and where you are will realign itself .. I can already feel it. The are not bad people , and have every right to have lived just as we did. Should we blame them because they got to experience life? No. We had the same opportunity. We are all in this together but we have to make sure we treat them as people and not see them as evil doers. In order to see them as people we have to live like people and speak like people in a civil manner. We can still interact with them by getting food, analyzing finances etc but by respecting our spaces of thinking and our alone time.. I wrote this all quickly and I would need a video to clarify and explain this but I managed to include important pieces- civility, respect for them and yourself, and HUMBLE interaction. It is not about being enemies but finding yourself and regaining your strength and ability to be around him without these feelings and it will happen if you force yourself to be civil, not raise your voice, do not pester him with questions and not be around him seeking information- only necessary information like “ where did you leave the keys? How much do you need from me to pay the light bill, when are you available to go get the supplies we need?” Etc.. otherwise you will be tempted to peck at his brain by feeding questions and getting answers to keep this mental swamp alive.. let it dry out by being pleasant, short, and to the point..

[@milowernars2930]

Thank you so much, now I understand what has been going on with me, I have RJ OCD, thank you now I can really start my journey on overcoming it.

[@theoriginalawesomeglowsome7712]

What did you do to overcome it?

[@thekadju2450]

I've only figured recently that staring at the problem without trying to resolve it,just staring at it and feeling that anxiety really helps.The trick is to stop being afraid of it,maybe reassuring yourself sounds important now but when you stop experiencing that anxiety then you stop being afraid and the thing just doesn't feel important anymore. The important thing is to not give in to the need of reassuring yourself constantly, imagine it this way. You are a mouse and the anxiety is the cat(danger) and it constantly chases you and by reassuring yourself constantly that there is no danger you just resolve the problem momentarily ,then it comes back and it chases you even faster, now type on youtube, rat chasing cat, that's what we want!

[@emperorcharlemagne369]

Of course I click into number 3. At least I have some information now. I have been terrified that I was slowly going crazy.

[@pppyyuu]

Realized the term of retroactive jealousy just about 3 weeks ago when first phone your blog before that I was sure that zarez something wrong with me and I am the only one with such problem but now i realize that there are many people who have been living with

[@georgespangler1517]

My ex claimed to be such a Christian woman,,,but had 4 kids out of wedlock,,,,anal sex,,,and even made the remark you don't have to love a person to have sex with them,, I lived with it and tryed to except it for 13 years,,,to realize that she was her past,,,as we all are,,,, don't try to be with a person that dosent share the same morals and values as you....

[@LiveToFly-Br]

Right on. Problem is that sometimes you may THINK that you have similar values just because you went to the same Church, learned the same things about right and wrong etc. You can always have a big and bas surprise. I am 56 now. My advice is to place the cards on the table as early as possibible and trust you gut feelings. If something smells bad, just go alway. You have this right.

[@uia797]

It's not that i like it but I had anxiety, severe one.. Been suffering for more than 7 years now, can't help, can't heal. Now I got a relationship for 8 months and now I have RJ OCD. It is very painful experience.. I know very well that it's not my gf fault but still i can't help it.. I'm living a hell that is created by me. Don't want to lose and wreck my new relationship. I wouldn't have enough energy to build a new one. I know no one can help me in any way but myself, even this video. But still I'm suffering

[@pstreetgarage7304]

So glad i found you. My partner found you. Its helping !!! I thought i was going insane. I was done for

[@rokosbasilisk5376]

Thanks for the video! I somehow fit in 1 and 3 but my main problem is, I believe, outside of this spectrum. I really question whether someone can really fall deeply in love with someone else after they had their first relationship, first love, whatever. I never were in a relationship before and I don't wanna be a number 2 to someone who had someone before me while they naturally are some one really really special to me. Did that made sense? Is that a kind of retroactive jealousy?

[@Yui-en3dy]

I feel the same way

[@virginiagutierrez1758]

I need peace of mind... My jealousy IS EXTREMELY OVER BOARD !!!! I CANT EVEN LET MY BOYFRIEND WATCH TV ..BECAUSE OF THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ... I CANT LET HIM SEE MAGAZINES ... NOR MOVIES IF WE GO OUT I KEEP LOOKING AT WHERE HES LOOKING AT ...I GO CRAZY ON HIM IF A FEMALE PASSES OUR WAY !!!! ILL LITERALLY START ACCUSING HIM OF CHECKING HER (IN GENERAL) ... THEN THAT'S WHEN WE START ARGUING EVEN WHEN HIS DRIVING IF I SEE A FEMALE WALKING I STARE AT HIS EYES MAKING SURE HE DONT STARE..... IN THE DRIVE THRUS I MAKE SURE HE DONT SEE THEYRE FACE WHEN HES GIVING THEM THE CARD TO PAY AND WHEN HE NEEDS TO GET THE FOOD I START ARGUING WITH HIM BECAUSE I TELL HIM HE DONT NEED TO BE LOOKING AT THAT FEMALES FACE FOR NOTHING NOR SMILING 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@whywhy3049]

Virginia Gutierrez DAMNNN I’m so so sorry this just sucks I hope you can get through it

[@andrewcruz7595]

I NEEDED THIS

[@Grasuke]

Damn.. you are amazing.. Seems like i suffer from retroactive jealousy OCD since 3 months.. i'm already getting thoughts about suicide tho i know im not the person to do that.. but im scared i might sometimes. I've instantly ordered your book after watching it.. can't wait to go through it on monday and i hope it helps me.. i dont want to feel like this anymore.. or see those films and pictures in my mind i cant take it anymore.. I appreciate your work a lot. Thanks for giving me hope till the book comes.

[@ZacharyStockill]

Thanks very much for the kind words, Gracjan. Hope you find my work helpful. And be sure to take care of yourself. If you're struggling with depression, or experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek out professional help in your area immediately. Hang in there.

[@stefanobiagiotti2705]

How is it now? Hope you got better.

[@theuchihaclan1594]

How are you now ? Hope things got better.

[@Nenaa91]

I also suffer from rj ocd. I've been with my bf for 8 months and he told me something deep since the beginning of our relationship. He had a relationship with his cousin! I asked questions and yes they were intimate. They were about 17-20 when it happened. I thought I would be able to let it be. But deep down it kills me. She is around becaise of course shes family. She moved on has a husband, children. He never did because he was heartbroken and knew it wouldn't EVER work out. He drowned himself in alcohol for years. I met him and I've been there for him supporting him and loving him with all my heart. He is AMAZING, makes me feel one of a kind. But i just get those images and movies In my mind when shes around or her name is mentioned. He gives me no reason to feel that way but my mind just won't allow me to be okay!!! I do talk to him about it. It just makes me uncomfortable when she is around. And I feel like a fool because his family are all aware about them. I don't know what to do. I play it cool because I don't want to make it a problem but how can I live with it and not allow it to affect our wonderful relationship!!?????

[@saramejia5068]

If he's worth it you'll find a way out of this

[@fiestalot6927]

Thank you so much! I've been struggling for months now. I thought it was only me and I've become crazy. I am a type 2 and 3. It's because his past that I find that we don't have the some values. He is my first relationship and I am his third. It's not that I had the possibility to be in a relationship I was just waiting for the right person. The second person he dated was a person I knew, she is not a friend I would say, but we were in the same group of people. So back then she and my boyfriend were together. 2 years later they broke up and after a week he started looking more and more at me till a year later were we became a couple. One day we were having a conversation about the past which made me very insecure about myself, so I asked him if he found her more pretty then me (I know dumb question to ask). And after a misunderstanding (which I will not get into detail otherwise it would be a long ass post message) he said yes, which made very very very very sad. Later on he said that he wasn't thinking with right mind and he just imagined her beter than what she actually looks like (because he then compared photo's) (also he said that even when he was in a relationship with her he had sometimes thought about me, but cleared the thoughts immediately because they were wrong). But yes after this everything changed. I wanted to know everything about his past (I know not the best thing to do). And he told me everything. Like he said I was his first love, bes sexual partner because before it was never excited, that actually he never wanted to be in a relationship with them but he was just insecure back then I took every woman who had interest in him, that he never did effort for anybody. So yes I do belief his when he says he really loves me. A couple of months later I was at a party alone with a friend and I saw his ex. And she came to me and talked a bit. But after a while she started saying and does he that with you and is he the same when he does that, have you already seen his family and intimate stories that are just TMI. I'm very proud that I kept my mouth shut and didn't't say anything about the things he said to me like I was his first love or that his mom told me that I was her favorite from all the girls he has had. But again adding up with things what already happened I became a train wreck. Fight became more emotionally. It was always about the same topic: his past with her. If he didn't had interest why would you want to be in a relationship with someone. If you never felt love why would you be in a 2 year relationship with someone. Yes I know feeling fade and it is difficult to recollect them. But he ensured me that the feelings of love or being in love with someone (like he has with me) he never had before. He just found the attention nice and the fact of being with someone. And I have a lot of troubles of comprehending this, because I am the polar opposite. We have already talked about it and he said that I am right. That there is no reason of being with someone if you don't even want to be with someone. I've seen that he has matured a lot and grown a lot, but still. It is a real struggle. I look at him and see the person he is, but then if I think about the past the man I see becomes a real different person where I don't see a future with. Also his memory is really really bad and I can recollect everything he ever said to me so one time he told me this about his past and then a month later when we are talking again about it he tells something else. And then I have the feeling that he is lying to me.

[@stephaniejohnson2994]

So, Zachary, explain my case. I am a 70 year old woman who has been married for 39 years. When I met my husband I knew he was quite the man around town and considered a real stud by his male friends. This didn't bother me until about five years ago. I started questioning him about the women before me and specifically sexually. He told me way too much about 65 other women and to be fair I asked. Consequently, I have been through all of the symptoms you have said. He has handled this mess very well. What I don't understand is why now? I have never felt threatened before. By reading your book, I followed your recovery plan. This worked well for about 5 months but now I find myself awake at night an many times during the day graphically seeing him having sex with all of those women. Actually there are only two or three that really bother me and sadly enough I have made friends with two of them, only I don't feel that they are really my friends. I just don't get it, any advice? Thank you for your interest and help.

[@Dante011]

That is so sad to hear from a 70 y.o persson, now it got complicated. Its a problem that never stop, it really never stop. But youve being married by 39 years, didin't have time to make a conection beyond sex? He cant remember the ladies he had, you both are more close to the end than it looks, it doesn't matter, hope you can forget it!

[@uia797]

I'm so sorry for your pain.. We know that we can't change the past but still this this anxiety is killing us

[@anakrachinski]

thanks for this video!

[@AP-nz5xb]

Sadness regarding : My partner being unstable and disloyal and ditchful to her partners in the past, is this also value based RJ ?

[@indiandoc7464]

I really need some insight over this. Pls help me. I have already broken up but I dn't know if it was RJ or were there incompatibility issues. My bf then had still been staying in touch with his ex. When we started dating, once-twice he talked abt her(was out of normal conversation) and mentioned her as his friend, even shared me pictures from his past when they were out as group of friends on some occasion....also after we were dating they went out for a random hangout, jst like that...all of them happened to be at the same place and decided to travel at a nature destination not so far(got to knw abt it cz he had shared the pic and his ex had been there too)... also he had pictures from past on his Social Media still on...some of them were really close and they were partying-dancing together. I had already seen all those pics, comments, posts and everything and thought of them as really close friends but didn't bother me much. Later, as we got closer...I got to know that she is his ex...they were friends before and later got into the relationship, like highschool sweethearts and then broke up due to long distance and she was not completely loyal towards him. Since she is some popular TV star, it really triggered my insecurities and I started digging into things at first out of curiosity and then I was constantly trying to figure stuff out. Though it helped me clear many things cz when I stalked his friends profile and everything, I noticed that they had their pictures together in groups even after their breakup....so that raised doubts in me. Later on confronting things, he presented a very formal picture where he said that since they all belong to the same group, they could not avoid occasions like wedding and all ...also all of them who might hv previously dated, mostly meet each other with their current partners. I was fine after that. I did get 1-2 mental images when I was trying to imagine myself sexually close to him but all his close pics with his ex started coming on my mind.. I told him abt it and he reassured me and thus it got out of my mind. He also deleted those pics ...as many as I drew his attention abt .. but it was more from an aggressive attitude and he said 'there, gone..that is the amount they matter to me'. A day later or so he even acknowledged that he never dated anyone serious before me and after his ex...so nobody drew his attention to them and also he is not much of a social media user so didn't strike him. Later, it all triggered when he was out at his bestfriend's birthday and she was there too...I knew abt it, asked him who all were there but he didn't mention her...later jst some few days later two of his other friends were leaving for abroad ..she was there too. I asked him yet again abt whom all happened to be there and same thing repeated. Thus I needed to confront cz I felt this was abt transparency now. He replied but also put it up on me by commenting 'how did u knw? are u stalking my friends' IG stories?' But he gave me a strong conviction too that I mattered the most in his life and he promised me that he ll never make me feel insecure again w.r.t his past and I thought this was done and dusted. At the same time during this time frame our intensity had been lowering... his availability had been decreasing....communications and involvement into each other was also changing ...thus it was adding fuel to the fire. Also his ex being a Celebrity ...she would repeatedly pop on my social media in some advertisment and shit. I blocked her numerous accounts and it eased. But, actually the seed of insecurity had already been planted when we had been talking about our past and what exactly went wrng. I actually tried to cherish my present with him on the contrary but he put me down with words like 'but we havn't reached there yet...where we wud hv very high expectations frm each other and be fiercely posessive for each other'.. also he described how insecure he was for his ex and he has changed now since he was young back then nd everything. But all those words felt like he was comparing our dynamic to his past dynamic. Also another time when I had brought it up....he said he was uncomfortable with her work demand 2-3 times when she had to do some physically intimate scenes with her co-partner for the soap opera she had been working in and how she explained him abt the manner in which it all worked and that was jst a part of her work ..thus later he settled down with it. So this all information hurt me really hard...to knw that how insecure and physically posessive he was for her and with me he was comparatively very less(though he said he had changed himself as a human that way as he grew). Plus I also smwher always wanted the kind of love story they had , for myself. They were high school sweethearts and thus all of their friends had these two's pictures(even when in group)closely posed....it was always so hurting to see all of their such pictures. While on the contrary we could not even frequently meet due to COVID and had hardly any pics of us together. The nail on the box was when I looked into his whatsapp while playing sngs frm his device and saw that she had messaged him ...though it was short and formal communication w.r.t some help but he had been saying to me that ex's should be blocked and shit while his wasn't. Also from what he had already commited me, I thought he wud have already completely disconnect with her. But he had not...he had left channels of communication open. Also his social media still had reminiscence of his ex in form of comments where they both had been exchanging fun conversations and other tagged pictures nd all ...I jst briskly mentioned abt it to him in a humorous way...but he didn't take that well. Also when I tried to bring in a life coach's video expressing about jealously from past. I thought it cud help him better understand my emotion....but he was pissed again. Also by now our arguments had started pressing on other topics as well. Also I would constantly try and figure out things by re-reading messages and re-listening phone calls and tried to read between the lines since he was unexpressive and had difficulties getting vulnerable.In the end I saw a Tweet of his from past where he was wishing her birthday and calling her 'Sunshine' and all goody goody things. That really hurt me again cz we were on very bad note by then and he used to call me sunshine as well but since last 15 days he had not addressed me fondly even nce. Also though we were on break temporarily but when I informed him abt me and my mom having Covid symptoms he didn't even bother to call me bck and jst texted me. I was really going thru a painful time due to his extremely rude and insensitive behavior towards the end and he said I had pushed him away due to constant questioning and he was feeling cornered. He said that I was hovering in circles over his past relationship which happened 6 years ago .Though I knew it wasn't constant but he felt that way! After we stopped talking to each other his sister called me up to mend things...nd she clearly put it up that smwher he wanted me to see his ex like his other friends and not like his ex.... also since they shared common groups of friends, he would loose out on things if he stopped going to places where she was. But, this was what his sister said while he never said that to me...he always assured me that he would avoid his ex all the time he could and would make efforts towards that. His sister said try and give him assurity that u accept his past 100% and u would be with him and take it healthily when u might hv to share some get-togethers and hangouts with her and in return u may ask his assurity that the space of being his one and only belongs to you and nobody else...to which I replied that I had already asked him that ..I had already asked him a month ago when I saw their exchange on whatsapp , if I was the most loved woman in his life ...to which he replied "u are overthinking now. So this was what I want to knw..even after I do all things that u ask me to(like removing their pics together and not being in touch with her) will u be able to trust me still?" So, basically except for 2-3 times his response to my discussions with him had been majorly invalidating and also he used to gaslight me by saying I was being 'over sensitive' 'over thinking' or such things. Plus I never found him proactive with making efforts to erase his past memories with her on his social media nor when it came to disconnecting with her. Even when he did, they always seemed minimal and not complete and he would also get irritable. Smwher down the line I alwys felt he didn't want to change that equation in anyway and wanted me to trust him completely. And I did trust him and love him..I did. But, all those triggers were very bothering and raised doubts in my head or dragged me into imagining their both equation that how perfect it wud hv been or hw lovely it wud hv been and it always hurt me . All these things are still messing with my head. Nd I do feel smwher down the line I think abt it constantly and talk abt it with my friends/family still! Even after all these days from breakup where it makes no more sense.... but I dnt knw if it was my fault. I hv never felt like this before in any relationship. My guys hv told me abt their ex and it always mattered the least to me....at times I have even teased them and joked abt them with their ex. But, in this relationship I jst feel I saw a lot and i knew a lot. Also I am in ne of the bad phase of my life where I am unemployed. But evrything put aside and irrespective of it all, this issue definitely had a very significant impact on my life....like disturbed sleep, appetite issues, feeling of sadness and doom..

[@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231]

I'm finding this super,super difficult and I'm in a polyamorous relationship of sorts. The relationship I was in first didn't meet simple emotinal needs and I'm sorta very happy put the person I'm with now. I'm still usually sad though, as I've voiced my worries and wants and they conflict with my current partner. Much counselling is needed

[@kananisA75]

What if my partners past is bad and she admits it too, but says that it's not the same person anymore, what then? How do i know she really changed and is not the same person that she was?

[@ZacharyStockill]

kananisA75 No way I, or anyone else, can make that call for you. It ultimately comes down to trust.

[@kishankumar-zx7uo]

kananisA75

[@zoevega3469]

I have the same problem

[@venven2624]

Thanks man.

[@Learnandgrow12-m5i]

I was basically a virgin and she was not. It did bother me at the time but I thought I would get over it. But I never did. It just got worse as I got older. I feel like there is an inequity in the relationship. I don't know what to do about it.

[@giojuanchulo]

I am in the same situation what did you do?

[@Learnandgrow12-m5i]

@@giojuanchulo She passed away of cancer about 7 months ago. Its over now. I'm not mad anymore. I just miss her. I dont know what to tell you. I did nothing and nothing ever improved the way I felt about the situation. If you are not married and this really bothers you--leave.

[@giojuanchulo]

@@Learnandgrow12-m5i God bless you bro really thank you for your answer❤️

[@deveshsonam]

In my case , she is virgin & me too.....but she had a serious relationship for about 3/6/8 months....she just kept changing these numbers

[@maxbottaro1]

​@@Learnandgrow12-m5i if she was still here now, would it matter anymore?

[@charmainebalzan1857]

People who force you to be alone by disrespect and eliminating discrimination

[@vaniakeane3054]

Neither me or my gf have had partners previously and I never had social media and she never posted anything bad (what I judge as bad) but my head goes crazy about it and I'm always asking did you ever post this or something like that or whatever and the answer is almost always no or if not isnt anything bad just being herself but my head just goes bad, I also feel like she used to be different even tho she says different she acted differently before and I keep thinking if I was around back then she'd hate me even tho she says opposite she's always supportive but it causes problems, would this be retroactive jealousy?

[@Moxy2002]

Hi Zack! So if I feel jealous about 1 particular ex and not about his sexual past or other people he’s been with. Is that still RJ? I feel like I want to ask and ask questions to him about that ex all the time.

[@ladyalison2011]

I not only suffer from RJ OCD in my current relationship but in all relationships. Digging deeper into my situation I can firmly trace it back to having a sociopathic mom. She was creating chaos for our family by cheating on my father. Eventually leaving and returning several times. I never felt worth it. When she made time it was so that people could see her mask of being a good parent. In reality she was and always will be calculated and toxic. My current situation is with a drug addict who has been in recovery for 2 years. The year he was using was very toxic. I suffer from codependent issues to by wanting to fix it. I can't fix it. That's a his situation. I deep down suffer from not being good enough for unhealthy people who are suffering to make better choices. I realized now that I can only make good choices for myself.

[@kristeinamartin7740]

I have rj OCD

[@graysonowens8305]

I also have RJOCD. my ex really screwed me up.

[@vincentlongo2386]

Def type number 3..I went thru this in my last relationship and thought i had it beat..is this going to come up with every single relationship i have?

[@Dante011]

I think you can't accept what happend Like, i had a girlfriend who didin't had made sex with more than her boyfriend and i did not get crazy about it, it was normal

[@sherezzed734]

I really hope not

[@Dante011]

@@sherezzed734 actually i found the cure,im not even joking

[@Dante011]

@@sherezzed734 im totally free

[@sherezzed734]

Joel JeeZ good for you!

[@doobyee3339]

how can i get help i need it :/

[@ZacharyStockill]

Endless resources for you here: www.retroactivejealousy.com

[@virginiagutierrez1758]

I need HELP ASAP

[@ZacharyStockill]

All kinds of free info for you here: www.retroactivejealousy.com/free-mini-course/

[@manish2584]

Can someone tell me if it's fine to tell my girlfriend I have retroactive jealousy OCD?

[@jenniferjackson9375]

Manish yes tell her! Explain to her what’s going on ..show her these videos ..give her the chance to try to understand what’s going on

[@mechanicbeast6751]

Hey bro where u from

[@louisvuitton546]

Curiosity killed the cat.

[@angelannie7604]

I have ocd

[@elenafarrell4617]

Being honest his past didn't bother me that much but I recently I found out he was with escorts like 2 years before me and that's really hard to wrap my head around😔 I want to make this work because I love him and we have a daughter but I feel trapped😣

[@LuEwska]

It is not helping at all, but this is only 3rd video I've watched about this. I suppose it's a lot worse than I thought.