MY HONEST THOUGHTS ON CHARACTER TRAINING | Is habit training bad for your kids?

Honestly, I feel a bit vulnerable sharing my thoughts on character training. However, several of you asked for me to share what I think and so that is what I'm doing to day.
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[@leahkuqo]

What I heard you ultimately say is that character training can never do the work in our children’s heart that the Lord can do through us discipling them with humility and joy. And I couldn’t agree more!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I'm very glad that's the message you got from it. :)

[@thesahm]

You basically preached the gospel this whole video and I love it so much. Beautifully explained.❤️

[@erinblack9344]

Thanks for sharing about your faith on KZbin. It’s so nice to hear from other Christians and then to hear your point of view on this was very refreshing and poignant. 💕

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

You're very welcome. :)

[@homeschoollifemom]

I so enjoyed this video! I’m new to the habit training world and agree whole heartedly with everything you shared! Gives me some good perspective going into it. ❤

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I'm glad it was helpful! :)

[@AllAboutE1128]

I needed this video so much! Thank you so much!!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

You are so welcome!

[@cg8509]

100% agree! I stopped character training and especially expecting first time obedience a year and a half ago. I was seeing my child shift in a direction that seemed was away from me. I meditated on it and realized we obey the Lord out of our love for him and what he has done for us. I switched back to focusing on our family relationships and saw my child shift back to his old self. We too switched to using Bible study topics of obedience and kindness etc and it's been much better for him and I've seen those messages sink into him in a different way. Thanks for sharing this, because I have mom's talk to me about their struggle with obedience etc and that's the first thing I ask. Do you want them to be obedient to you in love? And has this affected your relationship with them?

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Absolutely, it's a balancing act for sure, but ultimately we want to point their heart's to Christ.

[@ajoyfulplanner]

I really appreciate this conversation. Have always had similar convictions regarding "habit training" etc, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Dreblueskies]

Wow not even half way through and I’m LOVING what I’m hearing!! So happy you chose this topic. 💜 I feel you could go even deeper, maybe a video showing how you find the versus and how you do Bible memory?

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I can totally do that! :)

[@melissahale7806]

In "Laying Down the Rails" I recall reading that we want the kids will on our side but coupling that with why with using scripture is helpful.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Yes!

[@reclaimingwonder]

Love and agree with your perspective of this so much!! I definitely grew up thinking that obedience to my parents was THE most important thing - just like you said, like I was a good kid cuz I was very obedient (which was also an effect of parents so strict that didn’t allow a very close personal relationship with). It’s taken a couple years for my mind to shift and change now with my own kids that having obedient kids (while it is important) is not the ultimate goal of parenting. Also it’s nice to have obedient kids cuz it makes our lives easier as parents, but it’s helpful for me to focus on why I’m teaching my kids to be obedient - so they’ll learn to obey the Lord as He commands us to ♥️

[@nicolentwiga7049]

You had so many good points! I recently got SCM habit training books. I really didn't like the way obedience was addressed so we are skipping that. I am using the rest as jumping off point for good habits (I grew up not being taught good habits in any way so it feels important to me), always keeping at the forefront that I'm not asking for perfection. The same with the Lord, He isn't asking for perfection, just faithfulness. Those things look very different. Also, the Lord has been so good to me...patient and kind and forgiving. I want my kids to see that. If we have a household where kids are expected to do these habits pretty close to perfect, especially obedience, or they are disciplined, I don't think that expresses God's love, forgiveness, kindness, and long suffering on our behalf. I know people maybe feel differently on that, but that's just what comes to my mind. I also think it's important that they know God isn't just setting down and list of do's and don't for us. He wants a living relationship, so any habit training should reflect that.

[@Dreblueskies]

I agree with you 👍

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

There is definitely room for grace. He is a very forgiving God, indeed!

[@jessafayvincoy640]

Thank you so much, Christine for being firm with your belief. We share the same faith. It is a reminder to me and other Christian mommas what salvation is. Being obedient is the fruit of our salvation not the cause of it. Praise the Lord. 🙏

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Amen!

[@brittanybeacham5143]

I love what you said about, we as adults also...have bad days, say things we shouldn't, etc. I always try to keep that in my own mind and also verbalize it to my girls too - that I understand and still love them in the midst of grumpy days, and that I have grumpy days too.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Oh my, yes! I'm very grateful for God's renewed mercies.

[@aimeewright9872]

Hi Christine, I am a new subscriber and I have been watching through ALL your videos!! I love all of them. My faves were your reasons for home schooling. Now this is my fave. My family and I live in Auckland and attend Mount Roskill Evangelical Fellowship. My husband and I have seven kids, five are in school (ages 14, 13, 9, 6 and 6) and my babies are 2 and 3 nearly 4. I am looking at homeschooling my babies and slowly pulling out my primary ones (Lord willing before Intermediate). Your videos have really helped. I am also like you, I get stuff done lol and like to stick to plans. If I wasn’t married and had no kids everything would be immaculate but the Lord has blessed me with my family to be a hard worker in the home, to practice patience and help me to chill out lol and realise keeping everyone happy and fed is more important than a spotless house. My eldest two will continue to go to high school which I don’t like but I trust in the Lord and we do teach them the opposite of what they’re hearing at school when it comes to the ‘movements’ etc. I just encourage them to make good friends so that they might have the opportunity to bring them along to church or even a sleep over so we can share the gospel to them. For the rest of this year I am starting to get my supplies and I am looking into curriculums such as the good and the beautiful which you and many others recommend. I’m glad I found you! Love that you are in NZ. So glad your move went well. I look forward to future videos while I watch the others 😊. God bless

[@kara3930]

We have a duty as parents to support our kids in developing healthy habits for their own wellness, as well as contribution to their family, and their community. No one should ever expect their children to be perfect... that is not what I believe "character training" to be about. We all fail every single day. As parents we have an excellent opportunity to model prayer and repentance for when we sin. The expectation to never fail.... it's too much for adults, let alone children. With the expectation of obedience comes an obligation as the "authority" to provide our children with the support they need in order to meet those expectations. It also means having Grace for our children. I like the saying "children do well when they can". I think perhaps that is where people go wrong, is that they do not understand the parents'role in developing, nurturing, and supporting our children in character training.... people think that character training is all on the child, in reality it is mostly hard work for the parents. As parents we can be kind, gentle, and nurturing with our children while still supporting them and developing healthy lifelong habits.

[@kara3930]

I guess I should add.... I completely agree with everything you said! You hit the nail on the head!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

100% it is a challenge for the parents. It takes a lot of consistency and accountability.

[@amiewood2769]

I just subscribed to you based on this video. I have been watching your homeschooling videos being an upcoming homeschool mom learning from scratch with no homeschool experience. I agree completely with your doctrine and I hope my subscription can be a blessing to you and your channel. May God bless you, sister in Christ.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I’m glad you found it encouraging! ☺️

[@crystalh28]

Christine, this may be one of my favorite videos from you. When I found you a couple years ago, your boldness to speak about Christ was what made you my favorite homeschool KZbin person. It is evident that you do not just say these things, you are living them out in your life and it's beautiful to see. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. As you said, yes I want obedience from my children, but if I'm not pointing them to Christ then what is the point. This was a great reminder. At the end when you spoke of the Lord blessing even non-believers made me think of the book of Job. Job wrestled with this fact, he saw all around him people who were not seeking the Lord but were still being blessed and then Job, who was found righteous in the Lord's eyes, went through horrible trials. BUT, all of it was to draw Job closer to Him. I am a firm believer that we do not always see our blessings on this side of heaven, many we will receive once we are at home with our Lord. And your opinion on books...yes! I want to see that character development. Have you read Stepping Heavenward? It's no longer in print so you have to find it at your library or buy it second hand, but it's a beautiful story following a woman over many years of her life. She has many questions and struggles with her sinful state, but then as she comes to truly know the Lord for herself, you watch her sanctification process. It's absolutely lovely. So many deep Truths in it, that I often found myself having to stop to meditate on what I just read. I so wish we lived closer to each other, I would love to have you as a "real life, in person friend". Thanks again, Christine. ❤️

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

My mum owns a copy of Stepping Heavenward and I really need to read it! Thanks so much for your kind words. :)

[@kurstynmccreight6821]

Loves this thank you for sharing your faith and ideals on biblically training good character for the Lord Colossians 3:17!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I'm glad it was encouraging. :)

[@lahwhoseher]

I totally agree! If you have not already heard about the Character Cards by September and Co, I think you would really love them. They connect scripture to different character traits. We use them in our morning basket each morning.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

They sound great! Thanks for the recommendations. :)

[@hatcherhomestead]

Thank you for sharing! Just last night my husband and I were discussing that there must be a better way to teach obedience to our children but we didn't know the answer. I had some checks in my spirit while going through the obedience lessons in the book, but didnt know exactly what to do instead, and I didn't want to do nothing at all. This was very helpful!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Yay! I'm always to glad to be of help. :)

[@amy8071]

Love this video! I agree with you SO much. I was raised in a very behavior-focused setting and while I excelled at learning to do the right things, it has led to a constant struggle to see the true depth of my sin. I know my default is to falsely think that I'm less sinful than others--everything Jesus said directed at Pharisees convicts me so much. It's a battle to not fall into the same mode of parenting with my littles! I so hope to reach their hearts and not just their actions.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Reading through the New Testament there's just example after example of how pride got in the way of people accepting Christ! May we always seek the truth to know the depths of our sin and just how much we need Him!

[@joyfrancis8443]

Thank you! This video came at the perfect time as I was just considering adding character training to our curriculum for next year. Good points to consider and pray about 💕

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

You're so welcome!

[@sarahmiller9572]

So beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 🩵

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

My pleasure 😊

[@nunziawright6442]

I love this video so much. :) thanks for sharing

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

You're welcome!

[@melissahale7806]

I love your views and opinions on this. I just got the "Laying Down the Rails" and your opinions and thoughts will definitely help shape how I apply this!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I'm glad it was helpful :)

[@livingtheorganicway]

Thank you for sharing. I have been wrestling with these thoughts too. I am so happy to hear you sharing your faith and how much it resonates with me. There are many bloggers who shy away from outright sharing their faith. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am currently reading Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson at the moment. It has been very insightful and encouraging.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

You're so welcome. It's definitely a bit scary being open in the online world, but so far I've generally had very wonderful feedback. :)

[@jmsilhavy]

I completely agree with you. We use the SCM LDTR, but not the child one as a guide for me to give me ideas and a list of good habits that I may not think about. Then, like you, I try to find the stories in the Bible and good literature that lead through the process of discovering the best option when making a choice about whether or not to do the right thing. It is all about finding our way to God and doing what we can to live in his path.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

SCM is wonderful as a guide! :)

[@susieare]

Wow - I didn't know I needed this video! So much food for thought here, since this is an area I know I'd like to include I'm my home ed, but haven't done anything structure. I love that you tie it in with scripture, this seems really key to me. I grew up in an atheist household so wouldn't even know where to start... would you be willing to share some of the scripture you use and why? I'd also love to know which verses you learnt as a child which have made a huge difference to you. Thank you so much from a new viewer!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I can definitely do a video on that. :)

[@susieare]

@@ThisHomeschoolHouse That would be incredible! Thank you 💕

[@Mariellen_]

Great video! We’ve been doing Laying Down the Rails but contemplating dropping it. I think I may just focus on developing good family routines/habits and rely on scripture and books that reflect good habits.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Go for it!

[@jilliana4701]

I was having a hard time wrapping my head around using books for habits. I'd purchased from SCM. We tried and it didn't work. I find that being consistent with speaking to and working with my children yields better results. That and discussing what God asks of us and tells us to do. My example always impacts them too. I want their repsect and obedience from love not because they're little robots. Thank you for confirming what I knew and felt was right. I do feel that slight guilt anymore.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I'm so glad you found it encouraging! Yes, many many conversations definitely make a difference. :)

[@noahsmilkshake]

I'd love some literature suggestions like you mentioned with characters making the wrong choices and repenting! What are some books that have impacted your and your child's heart?

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

I will have to have a think through that. :) We really enjoyed The Lion, Witch & The Wardrobe - Edumund's storyline is great. :)

[@evagardner6013]

This was great. You also see it in societies. When a nation follows God’s principles in its traditions and law, it thrives. That doesn’t mean each one is saved. But when they reject His ways as a whole, you see the quick decline. (Cough cough I’m from America) That’s why we character train our children. Their salvation is in the Lords hands, but we still train them based on His word.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Yes, absolutely.

[@laikynschoeny7043]

Yes, have you gotten to “Wesley and the Wolves” in level 2 TGATB LA?? so good! Sins, apologizes, changes! ♥️

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

We're doing that this year! :)

[@Ana-MariaBurda-ic5ql]

100% agree with you.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Glad you can relate. :)

[@faithfullyinfertile]

Amen! You are spot on!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Thank you!

[@kayleighjohnson3612]

I love this! I think it’s can be a good tool to highlight good character in specific areas, but it must come from an angle of “We love the Lord and we want to honor him, being this way is glorifying to Jesus.” Emulating Christ is the entire foundation in my opinion.❤

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Totally agree!

[@amberleggio335]

So wise!!!! We don't want to raise Pharisees. Old mom here and I agree a deep love for Jesus the obedience follows. Outward obedience is a pride issue in the parents.

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Raising children sure is a sanctifying process!

[@melodyandhermunchkins6548]

I agree with everything you have said 💯

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Glad it was encouraging!

[@RockSimmer-gal4God]

We teach habits but not formally!!! We do bible studies that encourage Christ like habits!!! We aren’t teaching perfectionism!!! We done expect perfectection in my home!!! Sorry I can’t spell!!! We teach grace in my home and the fall and the cross!!! I’ve explained to my older kids the difference between the things we ask and the blessings so if they don’t make their bed it’s ok but if they eat too much junk it’s going to hurt them!!! I teach my kids to do daily bible times!!! I teach my kids that I love them even if they make mistakes!!!

[@ThisHomeschoolHouse]

Yes, my kids know that I will love them no matter what. :)

[@baba.barfani..123]

Hi ma'am Through your most valuable videos I am improving my English too 😊. Which country you are from ? Love n respect from India 🇮🇳🇮🇳