My life is a mess

[@ellyce3875]

I’m happy that you are here and I’m so sorry that you are struggling. I understand and I know how much of a daily battle it can be, it’s exhausting. I know we don’t talk often but I always enjoy when I’m able to catch your streams and I’m glad that we met! I’m always around and you can talk to me anytime if you need to.

[@Kvicken]

Ellyce! Thank you, truly! Yeah the daily battle is definitely a frequent one, it's hard to find motivation to even do the simplest of things at this point.. Yeah it's always fun catching up! Sad to see the lack of motivation to actually stream though :/ Appreciate the support and I can only say the same!

[@kaptenslogg]

Det är starkt av dig att berätta din story. Jag kan spegla mig i mycket av det du berättar och de känslor du upplever. Jag vet också att det går att ta sig ur den situationen som du upplever som mörk och hopplös. Jag har själv gjort det och jag har sett de hända hundratals gånger runt mig. Fram tills nu har ditt liv varit en tutorial och du den karaktär du är i livets spel är resultaten av något random. Hurvida du fick den bästa starten eller dåliga items att börja med, spelar ingen roll. Du har lärt dig något andra saknar, att lida och att operera i kaos och mörker. Använd nu denna ulti och förmåga och gå mot ljuset. Det finns där, bara du kavlar upp ärmarna, vågar tro och offra litervis av blod, svett och tårar. Ja, det kommer bli tufft, men från mitt perspektiv. Vad har du att förlora? Kriga på broder!

[@Kvicken]

Tusen tack för ditt svar Tommy! Ja nog känns allt väldigt hopplöst ändå, men det känns samtidigt alltid skönt att få veta av fler att det går att ta sig ur det även om det inte hjälper så mycket som man önskar det gjorde! Ja det känns lite som så att livet hittills bara varit en riktigt sketen tutorial och man vill helst ärligt talat bara avsluta. Men ännu håller jag i. Har börjat få lite bollar i rullning på viktfronten för att underlätta framtida bravader, så någon form av framtidssikt finns ändå, även om den är väldigt svår att fästa sig vid. Finns inte mycket att förlora vid det här laget, det har du en bra poäng i - det är väl möjligtvis om man går ner sig tillräckligt för att inte orka mer alls. Så vill jag dock inte tänka, även om det skett många gånger. Tusen tack återigen, jag gör mitt bästa för att kriga på!

[@KoenVermeire]

Just like you're saying "you are not alone" to others, you might just aswell say this to yourself. You only have 1 life, keep fighting and working to make the best of it god damnit. Set goals in your life, maybe they can motivate you? Follow your intrests and go study to get a degree and do a job you love doing, or go volunteer to help others... If you know for yourself you're a good person, hang on to that thought. Most people you will meet will not know this, but eventually someone will recognize you for being who you are and it will feel worth it. The most important thing is to be happy with who you are: are you a nice guy? are you empathic towards others? are you willing to help others in need? You should feel good about yourself if you're a person like that. Being in depth is obviously not helping, but I'm pretty sure you can set up some kind of plan to a certain moment in time where you will be depth free. It's not an amount that will hunt you until you're 60. Even though I'm not a psychiatrist, I can only advice to persue something you enjoy/like and work to appreciate yourself. Fuck what other people think. I get laughed at sometimes for doing something stupid or saying something dumb and I'm giving a weird impression, I literally don't give a shit, I'm way passed feeling bad about that (since high school). I know I'm a good person, and that feeling will always be the strongest one in me. In my opinion, this is literally the most important advice to anyone with negative thoughts towards life: learn to appreciate yourself. Love yourself for who you are and do things that make you happy. Be it in gaming, or sports, whatever. I realize this is easier said than done aswell, but you'll figure it out over time.

[@Kvicken]

First of all, thank you for your comment! As goes for setting goals in my life, I honestly have no idea what they would be at this point. Seeing past the current day feels like a chore at this point, simply trying to motivate myself to do the simplest of things is stupidly hard for some reason - imagine the explanation they had in HP about the dementors sucking out all joy in life, that's pretty much what it feels like at this point. I've given studying some thought every now and then but my options are sorta limited and I feel like if I were to begin - I absolutely have to properly finish it as I only have X amount of weeks left to study at the level with economical support (You only get X amount of weeks with support), it's gonna be real rough otherwise. Not feeling motivated enough yet though :/ I've always seen myself as a "nice guy", I always help out where I can when friends have it rough, empathy is definitely something i'd say I have. Yeah being in debt is rough, but it's my own mistakes that lead me there so not much to be done about it, simply get through it eventually and obviously not repeat said mistakes. At this point, even things i've always enjoyed doing, such as playing games is tough. Not sure why, but I suppose it's just a really shitty episode right now that I need to get out of to hopefully appreciate what i'm doing again :p In regards to appreciating myself, that's definitely a tough nut to crack - due to all the previous events and being told i'm never gonna be good enough for anything, it's a tough thought to learn unfortunately :( Time will tell what unfolds, either way - there's a slight light in what feels like an endless corridor!

[@kommie27]

Get a dog from a shelter! Will help with exercise and never alone.

[@Kvicken]

Would've definitely been a good idea! Though I currently live at my brother's place and we already have a doggo here, he's a tiny little french bulldog and completely adorable so i'm rarely alone :D And I do walk him sometimes atleast ;>

[@Perdox7]

Keep struggling. Hit the gym, hit the No Fap, talk to someone professional, apply for jobs appropriate for your education.

[@Kvicken]

Yeah sadly the gym just isn't happening right now, I can't even find the energy to take a walk which is by far easier to do than getting a gym session done :/ As goes for jobs - not at this time. The mere thought of going back to a job at this point is a trigger for a panic attack. As goes for professional help - i'm seeing a psychotherapist in a bi-weekly basis which will hopefully turn into something good eventually! Unfortunately it will take a long time, but i'm getting there. Day by day!

[@Perdox7]

@@Kvicken I know what that's like, but getting stuff done will alter the course of your life, for the better. Small feelings of accomplishment will steer you onto a more productive path and you just row and row your boat down the river of life. It's not easy, we don't like the world we live in but we gotta. Yes, it will take time and yeah it's tough but it will be worth it. Times change, man. Good luck! :)