my life is over

[@WizardsASRM]

you remind me of someone I dated and I can say with honesty, I left because I was scared. They used their mental disorder as an excuse and refused to realise that wasn't okay and they need help aside from my own. It BROKE me. they made me feel like if I wasnt around they couldnt function, they used they SAME, WORDS. "im trapped. I can't help how I am. I'm sorry this is how I react to things." I felt more like a mental care giver than a partner and if I couldnt perform then there was a fight, I was lazy, I didnt love them, was I mad at them, could be about anything if I wasnt giving it all 100% of the time. eventually I was kind of hateful and i didnt even want to be home ngl, because there was ALWAYS something wrong and I was ALWAYS the person. I had a full time job but I still needed to be their full time therapist and if I wasnt then I didnt do enough. They mental gymnastics made me afraid to be home and they knew and they made it harder and harder to not be home by calling and begging and not giving me space. they game be a week. WHY? im not the that needs time, not you, et youre dictating it? thats not okay. you need to speak to someone. I hope you ex is okay and gets help too because I have lasting trauma from that relationship now, thinking nothing I do is good enough and I have to have constant talks with my current partner over it. if you are not actively seeking help, YOU are the problem, thats not a debate EDIT: not meant to be helpful, im saying this is a view point from someone who has been a victim of this..unintentional abuse

[@LifePlusCindy]

I appreciate you leaving this comment. What you're saying is very similar to the things my husband has told me about my behavior. I think more people need to hear from partners of individuals with BPD. It's so hard on you mentally. I have given Andrew PTSD from my behavior, and it's not okay. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. This comment is more helpful than many on this channel who say things like he's a piece of shit for leaving. He's not. He had to protect himself from me. That hurts me to admit, but I'm getting therapy that I have needed for decades now. We're also getting marriage counseling soon and I hope he can recover, too - even if it's not with me. I know how hard this is on the person who loves someone with BPD. Thank you again for your comment.

[@WizardsASRM]

@@LifePlusCindy you are a gem among gems, it takes a lot to get to the point you're at. I can't imagine the struggle you've had to fight through, even just internally. I think people with BPD are some of the most wonderful people you can meet, the pure passion they feel is on another level. As an ex partner of someone with that disorder I can honestly say im VERY proud of you for taking steps, its not easy but you are amazing for getting this far, I wish you the absolute best in life and in working through things.Everyone is allowed mistakes, but its what we do after that really shows our characters

[@ghostdetective311]

@@cheeriozombie She did not have a problem with what he said. In fact, his words are VERY important for this specific situation. It's people like you that are the reason the mentally ill are not treated properly. You need to take a good look at reality if that's your attitude. What he's telling her is constructive and he did it in a very articulated manner. How dare you even attack him for that.

[@ghostdetective311]

@@cheeriozombie "This comment is more helpful than many on this channel" See, SHE said that to HIS comment. She didn't get offended and call him "abusive." You need to tone down the sensitivity, a lot.

[@cheeriozombie]

@@ghostdetective311 SMH. She is in a hurt place. She just accepted straight disrespect; that doesn’t make it OK. The commenter literally edited their comment to say they didn’t want to be helpful. So why are YOU so focused on the comment being helpful when the commenter didn’t want to be? Yk, since that’s your argument in the first place.

[@XUrbanSimsX]

As someone who went through a divorce and ended a relationship of 14 years, I was crying along side you. There's nothing more scarier in the world than having to start your life over. All these emotions you are feeling hit home and I wish I could just hug you. It's crazy from one moment to the next your entire life can change everything you knew, is suddenly different. I don't think anyone can understand fully unless they've been through it themselves. I'm still rebuilding my life even after all these years and those scars never do fully leave but as you said in time it does get easier. However, when you do find peace - which I am confident you will. You will blossom and bloom into the person you were always meant to be. Don't give up on yourself, you're worthy of all the happiness in the world Cindy and believe me you will find it. Where you are in this moment, is where you're supposed to be. I know it sound CRAZY! But believe me, in time you'll see exactly what I mean. I'm so proud of you. No matter what comes your way in the next few days, just know you will get through this. WE ARE ALL Here for you. YOU'RE NOT ALONE! ❤

[@chrisbeattie2354]

This warmed my heart and I'm not even going through it ! Thanks for being there for everyone

[@namitales]

Exactly, knew you had the right words to say Jenn. WE GOT EACH OTHER. ❤️❤️❤️

[@MandySimLandy]

i love you jenn! perfect advice

[@MaddHeather]

Girl this hit so close to home.. I was with my daughters dad from 17 to 31 and he cheated with a chick 10 years younger than me.. she actually lives in my family home haha smh.. I am 38 now and have had another child since the split and so has he (allegedly) but I've been single the past 3 years and been working on myself and have tried dating but I'm not interested so just the kids and I but life is so so good.. so happy you are good also❤️

[@sweet2sourr]

Thank you for your vulnerability and the accountability. Having BPD is debilitating. I’m empty too. I’m sorry for your loss. To Andrew I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

[@mariz_mariz]

Losing a child can take a real toll on many marriages and it's not uncommon that couples separate or even divorce some time after it happens. Therapy is not a bad word and to be honest, both you and Andrew could benefit greatly from individual therapy. I know it may feel like you're failing at life or you're not strong enough to handle things because you need to ask for help....but it's okay to need help Cindy. You are not alone. There are millions of men and women who stand exactly where you and Andrew are and you CAN get things under control. I recommend a therapist who specializes in behavioral health. Your life is not over. We have seen you accomplish so much just in the past year alone. You are often your worst critic, especially when times are tough. Please don't beat yourself up over things. It is incredibly rare that a marriage falls apart because of one side. It is healthy to recognize the parts you play and Andrew will recognize his own as well. This is nothing the two of you cannot work out. Take a deep breath, make an appointment, and just take it one day at a time. Keep a journal too. Not necessarily as a diary, but somewhere you can offload how you're feeling, thoughts you ruminate on and your moods day by day. It will help you and your therapist to see patterns which can be helpful with treatment.

[@dianaleila]

So well said!!!

[@ReaperWithHips]

Bravo

[@BooDotBoo]

I did kind of think this may have contributed. So many couples break up after a miscarriage and it's so sad. I just hope both of them can find their ways again, either separate or apart.

[@Kohiravaa]

Cindy I mean this as sincerely as I can be; please get therapy. It can be so scary at first but trust me, it’s absolutely worth it. I hit rock bottom myself last summer and I’ve been in therapy for the past 8 months and it’s been life changing. The ONLY way to get through this is to keep moving forward and to be determined change. You’re the only person who can decide to change. You’re the only person who can change your life positively. There are therapists who will do video chat so you don’t have to leave the house. I know what you’re going through is hard, this isn’t the end of your life. It can be the beginning if you let it be. I know I’m a stranger on the internet, but know I care about you and wish only the best for you. You can take this moment to be push you needed to change your life, or you can do nothing and drown. Please make the right decision. Know that you are loved and if you make good choices everything will be okay. Sending all the love to you.

[@LittleWillow1]

Put the bottle down. Get therapy. I know it feels its the end but it's not. After 32 years of marriage my ex walked out. I did therapy for a long time. I cried for a long time. You can do this. Take care of yourself. No one can do that but you. You're worth it. ❤

[@Gergely90]

Don't worry Cindy, nobody thinks that you (or Andrew) are a bad person. You can rebuild your life! You can get better mentally! You can drive all the way to Arkansas! You will be surpised how strong you will be. You are a survivor Cindy! Trust yourself, we all trust you!

[@aronc24]

All I will say is these two things. 1. You are not a monster. You do not ruin lives. You are human that hurts and needs some help. 2. Get help. It doesn't make you weak or stupid or anything. It means you care about yourself and are tired of accidently hurting others during your struggles. YOU GOT THIS and thank you for sharing.

[@SimsfanCrystal]

Oh, Cindy I'm so sad to hear this news. I hope you are able to process and get through this. Please keep talking to people, don't hold these feeling in. Just take some time to work on yourself and better yourself. We all have demons and issues, you're definitely not alone. I hope you find a solution that helps you feel whole. I want to tell you that you look good, be proud of all the hard work you have done with your hair and your weight loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.

[@sasavs9398]

I can't believe this happened, they looked so happy when they exchanged their Christmas gifts and in love ...and please, Cindy, don't drink ...if you already fought with one addiction (food), then maybe you are prone to addiction and alcohol is equally bad or even worse. do everything to stop until it is still time.

[@dianaleila]

AGREED!!! Don’t trade one addiction for another!!! It’s makes things so much worse!!!

[@deletedaccount1990]

I know that Cindy keeps saying she's BPD and all that but I personally believe that none of that makes her a bad person at all. AT ALL. We all have our problems and a life. Besides look at her right now. She's crying. She's in pain. She's having emotions. She's such a sweet person. I couldn't help crying with her.

[@NerdyPanda-td1tz]

BPD people are prone to abusing drugs and alcohol. I have BPD, I can’t drink period, despite being recovered and living a normal life since I completed DBT at 19. Anytime I get drunk is the only time my BPD comes out.

[@fkaciggs]

I’m so sorry that it’s all coming at once for you, Cindy. I’m sure that Andrew cares, but is possibly really angry or frustrated or just needs to breathe and take some space. If you’re saying you’ve made him very responsible for your sense of security and love, I can appreciate why someone in that position would be getting some very much needed ‘me time’. All you can do is take care of yourself right now. You’re not alone; we are your supporters and we aren’t perfect ourselves so it’s not as if any of us can pass judgement on you. You’re absolutely right, what’s happened to you throughout your life is so bitterly unfair and I’m sorry that I can’t take that away for you because I can see how much it is eating away at your ability to live your life, just day-to-day. But as you said so yourself it is absolutely your responsibility to heal from it. I hope so much that you find a source of love for yourself that comes from within and not outside, so that way no one can take it away from you. That was when healing really started for me - when I learned to accept myself and change anything I wouldn’t accept. I’m not talking about how someone looks but how someone is. You can absolutely get yourself the tools you need to get yourself through this and out the other side. You have the power to change things, Cindy. Even if you don’t believe it, I don’t care. I’m not asking you, I’m letting you know; you absolutely have the power within yourself to get yourself through this time of hardship.

[@guillaumeschaack2351]

I have to agree 100%, I certainly won't judge you and I have to applaud you for wanting to dig yourself out of this mental state and situation and that shows personal strength!

[@Nervous101]

Perfectly said

[@mochaamlnn]

Such a wonderful comment ❤

[@triggeredlatina]

In the vlogs, ngl Andrew most of the time seemed distant from her. Perhaps I thought he was annoyed at being recorded for vlogs but he didn’t seem to pay attention to her at times. On his phone. She would start conversation and hardly reply much. It bothered me but I didn’t know what went on behind the scenes. Then Christmas video came out and I thought woah he’s a different guy than I though. This is heart wrenching to see. I really hope she gets back to Arkansas and leave that house. It can make her just feel worse. Hope she takes the fur babies and leave as soon as she can to be with people that can help her heal.

[@mochaamlnn]

@@triggeredlatina I noticed and felt the same as well honestly.

[@Lina_rose226]

Oh honey my heart aches for you and Andrew. But please try to evaluate if it’s the right thing to leave and move out after just one week. Sometimes things need time to rest a little to be figured out. Andrew probably needs some time out that’s why he’s not answering your calls and messages. Please make sure this is not another impulsive reaction to your heartbreak. A little vacation and some self care is surely not a bad thing for you right now but calling it quits before he’s got enough time to think about everything seems a bit rushed. This comes from a place of love and I hope you can make it as a couple ❤

[@Rop3nop3]

I have BPD and I understand exactly how you're feeling. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Please, I hope once you get back to AK you're able to find therapy.

[@Rop3nop3]

I found working on re-parenting did a lot of help especially from messed up childhoods like ours. You're still just a little kid inside that hasn't been loved or cared for or heard and they need you to see and validate them. You're worth it, you're worth investing in yourself.

[@Rop3nop3]

You dont have to die alone, Cindy. You can heal and surround yourself with people who love you and will support you at your darkest times. You are worthy of that.

[@mizzlunaria3265]

As someone who suffers from bpd, i hurt for you. My therapist calls bpd an attachment disorder, and it can destroy everything. Independant therapy as well as couples therapy is the bare minimum you all need. Its a horrific reality, and honestly this was almost me a few months ago. I was pushed into therapy and its saved my life. Please get help, for you. You need this for you. You are not a monster, you are just a hurt traumatized person having a negative reaction to severe attachment issues. ❤

[@acciomegapint2373]

We are just strangers on the internet, but your community deeply cares about you. We cannot make your situation better but I want to assure you that you are indeed loved by many people! We'd do anything in our power to make you feel slightly better 🥺✨️

[@koololdster]

Cindy, it breaks my heart to see you like this. But, sometimes you have to hit bottom to hit ‘reset’ and start a new and better life. Please get help for your mental health issues before you do anything else. You state that that’s why this is happening in the first place. Putting your energy into moving without a concrete home to go to may make things worse. I worry that you won’t find that studio apartment and then what? Forget Andrew (he will come around if it’s meant to be); forget KZbin (you can come back later); forget what you don’t have; it’s time to think about getting your head in a place where you are healthy. Call a ‘help line’; whatever, but get help for yourself right now. I’m saying this as a person who has been in real crappy places in my life where I couldn’t see any hope. There is hope. You can heal, but whether you are in Colorado or Arkansas, YOU will still be there. Take this an an opportunity to heal and get therapy. Please. We love you and care about you!

[@joshuadicapua848]

Cindy, You are not at all alone. Emotional dysregulation is a hellish beast. cPTSD is extraordinarily hard to deal with (I have it too). I unfortunately relate to the bad things you said you did, and it has caused me to possibly lose a relationship with a very good person. I also scare people away in the same ways you described. When you are love starved as a child, the emotional dysregulation feels insurmountable. The fear of abandonment feels insurmountable. Please please please take care of yourself. Get help. Therapy takes a lot of time, but I did it and it's the best thing I did for myself. I have also gotten medicated, and it has done wonders for my ability to regulate my emotions. If he requested you get help, it's because he cares about you. Get help, please. Don't hurt yourself. Get yourself to a happier place (e.g. Arkansas), and find a therapist. If Andrew is not engaging with you, don't reach out to him. Yourself is your focus for now. I am saying all this from a very knowing place. I relate so much with you. It's one of the reasons I watch your videos. You are an honest, kind, humble human being who cares about others and the world, and you are wounded from a very fundamental place from childhood. You are NOT a bad person. Please please take care of yourself. So much love in this extremely difficult time. I wish you the absolute best.

[@anastasisoh6814]

This times 1,000

[@musicalblonde9187]

This is phenomenal advice! Thank you for showing such love and care! Your work and healing really shows!!

[@lv9265]

Hey what type of medication do you take for emotional dysregulation?

[@joshuadicapua848]

@@lv9265 Bupropion 300 mg 😄

[@musicalblonde9187]

@@lv9265 I take Bupropion also. It’s a generic of Wellbutrin, it’s an antidepressant and SSRI. The thing with BPD is that there isn’t a specific medication for it and therapists often treat symptomatically- like if you have enough symptoms to be diagnosed with depression, then you’re prescribed antidepressants, but that’s not the whole picture of your symptoms. The one thing most point to is DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) as that gets more to the heart of behaviors and beliefs, challenges them, and helps you learn strategies and coping skills to combat when emotional irregularities arise.

[@localgiant]

I feel obligated to warn you: therapy might suck and hurt worse for a bit. That's their job- to examine your issues and dive deep, even though it hurts or is frustrating and upsetting. It's the kind of thing you feel better about later- like a chiropractor appointment (according to my Grandmother- they hurt like hell at the time, but the difference you feel later is excellent) Don't let that scare you off, though, please. Therapy was so so good for me personally, and sometimes I think I should go back again. I don't think I'm the most helpful when it comes to living alone; I enjoyed it a lot, but I'm a very solitary person. It's nice to be able to control your own space and only have to clean up after yourself. And maybe this isn't the nicest thing for me to say, but regardless of whether or not Andrew comes back, it might be good for you to take a break and have some time for yourself. Nothing forces you to learn self-sufficiency and responsibility for your actions like being stuck with yourself. In the long run, you're the only person guaranteed to stay in your life, so it's up to you to make yourself someone you can live with. I believe you can do it. I also think it's good that you'll be heading towards a good support system in your friend and family and familiar surroundings. I hope both you and Andrew get all the help you need , and end up happy. Please post in your community tab when you get to your stop and then to Arkansas! You don't have to say anything big or even sensical- just something to let us know you made it safe, okay?

[@waterwarrior6]

I wish I could give you a hug. 2022 I lost my twins (miscarriage) and three months later me and my husband seperated and I’m currently going through a divorce. Trust me I definitely know what you are going through. I suggest you go for counseling and get deep into your spirituality immediately! I’m currently doing just that and it helps. Some days are better than the other but don’t turn to self destructive behaviors such as drinking. Speak to your spirit guides and try and find a therapist to help you through. YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER!!! It has just begun because you have come to the realization that you have some things you need to heal from….so now it’s time to do the work. Be easy on yourself. Speaking peace over you and your heart right now. 💜

[@gracebres]

I hope that some day you look back at this video and can realise that him leaving you was the best thing that ever happened to you. Throw that whole cheating ass man away

[@Letty_U]

I haven’t finished the video (about 7 minutes in) but we’re here for you. I’ve been in both you and Andrew’s situation. We’ve all been crazy and fucked up. Please, please, please take care of yourself. No one is beyond redemption.

[@midnandlinkforever]

DBT saved my life. You will rise above the ashes, Cindy. I believe in you. I'm so sorry.

[@SaraL-ul3mp]

I was hoping this was clickbait. I am so so sorry. I'm about to head into my doctor so I can't finish this now but please stay strong. We love you. I know what it feels like to have hard shit hit again and again and feeling like you can't catch a break.

[@NinjaBooKitty]

I've never seen you before and I don't know why this channel is in my feed, but this is the realest, rawest thing I've seen in a very long time. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know this seems like the worst thing possible, but I really think this is the best thing that could happen right now. Right now you are as free as you ever will be to finally surrender to working on healing yourself with no distractions, no relationships. This is absolutely the best time to focus on processing everything that you have tried and failed to heal. And that's not your fault. It's a big big rubber band ball full of interconnecting issues and problems, too big for you to handle alone. I really hope and pray that you find the dedicated, professional help you need to get to where you deserve to be, happy and free from all this suffering. 💞🙏🏻

[@deletedaccount1990]

Cindy has been active on her The Sims channel for years. I followed her for years. Everyone love her. She has a great sense of humor and she made me laugh so many times. Trust me, guys, she's got a truly caring heart. What we see here is a Cindy in pain and experiencing raw emotions. I cry with her too. She's always been good at expressing her emotions.

[@MetteRomih]

Going into therapy is not a sign of you being weak, it's actually a sign of you being strong and taking matters into your own hands. It's so extremely scary at first and you feel like you'll never get better but you WILL, but only with therapy. I wish you the best and I hope you will feel better soon.

[@aganymc]

Hi Cindy! I’m a child of a person with personality disorder so my perspective might be closer to Andrew’s than yours. Still, what I’m about to write comes from a place of love, especially since I know what you’ve been through lately. Also, you are absolutely free to ignore my advice. Anyway, I feel like you should be transparent with Andrew now more than ever. I might be wrong because I don’t know the whole history but I think you should let him know you’re going to leave. This way you’d give him a chance to make a conscious choice to either work things out or to let you go. I know you don’t want to manipulate him anymore but what you’re about to do is quite definite and he might resent you for doing it without a word of warning. On the other hand, maybe you don’t really owe him that since he left you first, I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t know the whole history. Just think about it and do whatever feels right. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you, wherever life takes you.

[@JonahSMoonRiver]

i clicked as soon as i saw. and i am so sorry this happened to you. we are all here for you, we love you cindy and will always be here.

[@ellipszilonq]

Also, probably not the best time for this, but: please do not feel like your worth is dependent on your having a husband and children. You are an amazing human who means a lot to so many of us. And now that you're moving closer to your family, you can be the most loving aunt that has ever been. I believe in you Cindy, and I hope soon you will too. 💖

[@kittyguts]

im only halfway through the video, but my heart already breaks for the both of you. it's difficult to see this because it reminds me of so many painful memories of my own mother and my dad's old girlfriend who had a similar illness as you. i understand the illness wasnt their fault, but the ways they hurt me and my father were. but they never got the help they needed. it hurts it took andrew leaving for you to seek the help you need, but please keep trying and moving forward with therapy. im not saying this to hurt you, but as someone who's been on the receiving end of it, please know im so thankful youre doing something to support and heal yourself. i truly hope things turn around for you soon. please take care of yourself and dont upload unless you truly want to. see you in the next video if/when you post. xoxoxo

[@Shauntorie]

To say this video was shocking would be an understatement! Cindy, I am incredibly sorry that you are going through this rough time. Of course me and your other subscribers don't know you personally but my heart truly hurts for you. I know you stated in the video you already had plans to do so, but please make therapy a priority! When you said that you've been taking sleeping pills and drinking alcohol I got very scared for you because that is extremely dangerous and I'm now terrified that something bad could happen to you. I can understand not wanting to remain in the home due to all the memories. Andrew is probably feeling angry and hurt and just needs time to process his feelings. I wonder if what you and Andrew may need is just some time apart like a temporary separation. If therapy is successful for you two then maybe the marriage can be repaired and you won't have to divorce. Obviously healing will take time but if you both love each other and are willing to put in the work then maybe y'all can fix the marriage. I really hate seeing you like this, this universe really continues to deal you a shitty hand but I'm hopeful that there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel. I will continue to keep you and Andrew in my prayers, please take care of yourself. WE LOVE YOU! ❤🙏🏾

[@jim.b0b]

Oh Cindy 😭 So so sorry to hear this! Went through a pretty intense breakup with my boyfriend a while ago and can completely relate to how you’re feeling right now 💔 As hard as it is to comprehend though, sometimes when things come to a head like that the best thing you can give eachother is space and time apart. My boyfriend and I got back together after a few months of being apart but while I was going through it the idea sounded impossible. Just give yourself time to process what you’re going through! All of your viewers will be here for you if you decide you need a break or if you want to carry on making videos to take your mind off things, just try to keep yourself occupied! I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say we all care about you ❤

[@TwiggehLeaf]

Cindy I'm so heartbroken to hear this news. I'm genuinely shaken. I know that leaving feels like the only thing you can do right now, but I think you should seriously consider staying until things have settled down more. I know you want to leave this situation, but if you really want Andrew to give you a chance I think you should try to stick around before deciding to leave, especially if he doesn't know you are planning to leave. He needs time, I think you should try to give him that time. You two have a lot of investments together, please don't make a rash decision charged by emotions (especially a decision that will cost you so much money). Considering your trouble with emotional regulation, I know leaving feels like the only option. But we are all here for you Cindy, we all love you. You have given us so much inspiration. Just know you aren't alone

[@VeryJealous]

I agree with this 100%. By leaving you’re agreeing to break up and are starting the process of it. Moreover, you are doing the hardest bit with no help at all. I was in the same situation and it all worked out in the end. I can’t believe how many people think that that’s it. I believe that Cindy and Andrew will works things out. You can see how much they love each other. I don’t think it’s over

[@nicod.9184]

This, I completely agree, I think Cindy and Andrew are meant for each other, they only need time to heal and mend their relationship. Seeking therapy is the first step, most of all for Cindy's welfare, and then for their marriage's sake.

[@Lisa44837]

I also agree. I feel like leaving right now is another way of avoiding the painful emotions instead of working through them. Please take everyone’s advice and seek therapy sooner rather than later. You’re not alone, we all love you and want the best for you

[@lulaellie]

Cindy, I'm heartbroken and crying with you. I also have BPD and am finishing a psychology degree. I know how much it sucks ass to lose your favorite person. I'm glad you're considering therapy and that you have something to focus on while you don't, projects are great to take the mind off it. I really wish everything goes for the best, but even if not I hope you take one day at a time. You've been through so much and thought you've hit your lowest before, but you fought and it got better. I'm sure this time will be no different!

[@lulaellie]

Also, I'm glad you know It's never too late to start over

[@AddBowIfGirl]

Btw, I think that it’s ok to tell him your plans to leave the home that you two share now. Just because you quietly hope it will convince him to fight for your relationship, doesn’t change that it’s necessary and crucial information to share with him a few days before you actually leave. Malicious manipulation (because all humans are manipulative) would be if you were lying about leaving. It’s his choice to do what he feels is right with the factual info that is your moving plans. To me it almost feels wrong to not tell him until the day of. He should have time to sit with figuring out if he wants to catch you before you leave or not. That’s a whole marriage. Sometimes anger is temporary.

[@NerdyPanda-td1tz]

In the case of borderline disorder… it’s not technically malicious manipulation. It’s lack of adult coping skills because people with BPD are almost always victims of child abuse and or neglect, therefore they do not learn the appropriate skills so in all reality, if you were to listen to a BPD adult, close your eyes. You would hear the cries of a child. Children have tantrums, children use threats and “manipulations” when going through emotional turmoil. It’s the same behaviours that of a child but in an adult body. BPD is only caused by two things, either the child grew up with a parent with BPD so genetic/environmental or their parent was abusive or negligent. I am a mother with BPD, thankfully I got therapy and saved my life before I had children. But fuck me it’s a constant fear that I will pass it onto my children genetically despite my best efforts to not make the same mistakes my mother made with me. She was very mentally and emotionally abusive and neglectful. Only reason I was ok as a child was because of my father, but when he died at 13, my life spiralled, my mother abandoned me and boom the dormant BPD came out. I hate so much hearing people call people with BPD manipulative… I heard it constantly from my mother that somehow me trying to voice how I felt, how she made me feel somehow made me a “sophisticated manipulator” People with BPD aren’t maliciously manipulative.. they aren’t trying to manipulate anyone. Often times when a BPD person for example screams they will off themselves if someone they love leaves them, it’s coming from a place of true fear of abandonment. BPD people weren’t loved properly as children by the very people who’s DUTY is to love and support them as children. So they make threats like that out of fear. Or they will treat those they love poorly out of what seems to be out of nowhere as a way to either get reinforced love and affection or to push people away before they can hurt them first. It’s an awful disorder. Horrible way to live. Constantly in fear, filled with self hatred, worthlessness, hopelessness, self loathing, chaos, self sabotage etc. Not saying that behaviour is right, healthy of justifiable. But when it comes to BPD, there has been so much fucking stigma, putting BPD in same category as psychopaths and narcissists.. for longest time psychiatric’s even refused to try and treat people with BPD until Marsha, can’t remember her last name, she is the creator of DBT therapy, she had BPD and thanks to her willpower, she created an effective treatment for BPD because there use to be no hope for people with BPD.

[@meagankath9129]

Cindy i am so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had similar struggles with a personality disorder (BPD) and pushing away the people who try to love me. Getting better and learning the skills i need with my therapist has been a big challenge, but it IS possible and i believe that you have the strength to do it. It’s such an isolating experience to go through this loss and trauma, but you’re not alone in going through it there are so many of us out there you can 100% do this 💕

[@BlueChloe99]

Cindy you've built a great community and I want you to know that you're a great person. I've noticed you describing yourself as some kind of monster or creature but that's not the case at all. You've been through a lot and life isn't perfect, we're not perfect. We're flawed human beings and all we can do is work with what we have. I really hope you find your way through this and I am sorry that these things happened to you. Your life isn't over. I know you're passionate about tarot and magic/wicca. Then you must know that rejection is redirection. I'm sure the universe has other plans for you and it's up to you to discover them. Please please get therapy because you will uncover some things about yourself that you never thought possible. And we're all here for you. I've seen so many beautiful comments so I know they also mirror who you are. You deserve to find happiness and to be happy. Ultimately, only you can bring and maintain the happiness within you. Sending you love and I'm keeping you in my thoughts. You are loved, you are special and you matter !

[@28.sk8.masturb8]

You are so kind 💕

[@lill1557]

I'm not trying to be an alarmist here. Look at her eyes. There is a pretty big negative attatchment on her. But the last thing she wants to do is keep participating in Wicca. My dear friend was raised in it. Family has written books. Knows it well. He won't touch it after experiencing some pretty dark thing. She should really step away from that for a while and see if her life improves. I really with her all the best health and wealth. Love

[@tonyasmith5437]

@@lill1557 so true

[@cheaminh]

Cindy, I appreciate your bravery uploading this vent. We'll support you throughout the journey; it's rough, I know. This was all so sudden and I'm awfully sorry it all happened to you. We're proud of the mini steps you're taking out of this hellhole. I feel like this video would put a strain in you and Andrew's relationship, since it's all out. I've always noticed Andrew's body language ever since your return, but I thought it was normal. He's not wrong leaving just to give you a wake-up call, but it's harsh and too brutal. I hope the restart goes well for you because we LOVE YOU! We all want the best for you right now. You will get through this! I was so worried about the pets, but I'm glad they're in good hands, but most importantly, I'm glad you're already planning to better your life. 💟

[@bluesimmer97]

a major symptom of many personality disorders is self-sabotaging behavior. everything will get better with time and the first step to healing is admitting that there is a problem. we are proud of you ❤️

[@ABMS721]

Cindy I haven't even gotten into a minute into this video and I'm already heartbroken for you even though I do not know what exactly is happening. I am so sorry for you😞❤️

[@zoobie002]

Hi Cindy, I've always thought about writing you a letter because you've strangely been a big part of my life over the past few years. Firstly I want to say that me and everyone else are here to support you, whether writing a comment or not helps, I don't know. But I can't not say anything. Your life is not over. You have survived nearly forty years and you will get through this. I know I've had a couple of years myself, finding out I had two disabilities and just everything but... I managed. And you've managed so far. So you will manage again. I just know it. Let yourself cry, let yourself feel, but at the same time, like you said, be responsible. You will get through this and you'll be happy one day. We're here for you Cindy.

[@dangeloxox]

cindy you don't just have one friend, you have thousands of friends all around the world that care and support you! i send all of my best wishes and love to you. know that life will get better and you are never really alone ❤💫

[@Fennias]

Cindy. I am a man who divorced his wife and raised my three children alone. I am diagnosed bi-polar, ptsd, GAD.... you will start over, you will heal, you will have your child, one day you will smile again. I promise. Much love from Tennessee.

[@mr_robaato]

This may not be the life you could have every imagined for yourself, but please know that doesn't change the fact that your life is 100% still worth living. Some of us refuse to learn hard lessons until the universe forces us...which is fucked up but, does end in lessons we'll never forget. For better or worse. One last thing, you're never alone. You can always chat with us in the comments or go live for a handful of people. You're never totally alone should it get to that point. Be safe and stay strong 💜

[@3dwichita376]

You did not have to post this. You are entitled to leave KZbin for days, weeks, or months and then come back without addressing why you were gone. You do not owe anybody here anything, especially not your most personal life information. I know you said you think you needed to explain why you were gone and why the setting in your videos will be different going forward, but I think you need to hear that you absolutely don't need to explain anything. If you wanted to, you could just leave a vague community post saying you're dealing with personal things, and then when you return, start posting soap making videos or something like that without giving any details, or being as vague as you want (just saying you two split up and you moved back to Arkansas and no other details). If you WANT to post these videos, by all means do, I just need you to know that you absolutely do not have to, even if it feels like you do, you don't, people will always come back to your channel no matter how long you've been away because your audience adores you.

[@MistressElf]

The benefit to her sharing what is happening in her life is that more people watched this video and more people donated money. And I'm not casting judgment in any way, I'm saying there is a benefit to her sharing her personal life. Not to mention how alone she must feel, and getting extra affirmation from people via the internet is gonna help a bit. And people may even offer her tons of opportunity to help her with a new life, living space, or job.

[@3dwichita376]

​@@MistressElf I hope so! I just wanted to address her comments in the video where she said she had to post about it. I support her posting as much personal info as she feels comfortable posting, as long as it's what she wants to do. But I had a bad feeling that she shared more than she wanted to for some reason.

[@MistressElf]

@@3dwichita376 I think if she was prioritizing reconciliation, then posting this video may cause a rift, as Andrew then would have to deal with the embarrassment of being exposed on the internet. So that's the benefit to keeping this private. But because she's in a heightened state of anxiety and uncertainty, I can see why she wanted to share with the internet.

[@3dwichita376]

@@MistressElf I understand posting and I understand not posting, whatever choice she makes as long as it makes her happy and she feels comfortable with it, that's all I was saying

[@robertkeane9393]

Who even asked you?

[@rebekahgregg2139]

The second video you’ve ever uploaded that has made me cry and my heart is broken for you. You are a strong woman even if it doesn’t feel like it right now I’ve been where you are and I want you to know that so many of your followers love you and you hold a spot in mine and my kids heart. Even tho the days are hard and you feel like you won’t make it through please believe me that one day you will wake up and realize you have made it. Stay strong luv, many blessings and thoughts with hugs sent your way.

[@sweetthoneybee]

Cindy, I can’t fully relate to your situation but you have a great community that supports you and I hope that with time you can begin to heal from this. Sending love from Canada. ♥️

[@shotwarrow5724]

My heart breaks for you Cindy. Please know there’s people here for you. You’re not alone and people care about you.

[@dianaselnekovicova948]

Well, I think you should message him that you are leaving. It is not manipulative in my opinion. You know maybe he would come later and first thing that would come to my mind would be that you want to end it. He didn’t said even that he’s stopping trying or that he wants divorce. I hope you both well and I believe that this time without him coobe benefiting for you. You will see how much you can do by yourself and how much strong you are. You’re actions (just by what you said) are concluding by your low confidence too and deep trauma. Wish you well healing and please continue doing vlogs you will have always support from us

[@axstorm2191]

i wish i lived near you honey because i’d be showering you with whatever makes you happy. i am so sorry & i really hope you two can work this out. you don’t deserve this. we love you

[@dianaselnekovicova948]

Me too, but I am in Europe

[@zarahya6123]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but i really think you have to think about Andrew too.. I don't think this is what he really wants, but as long as you act like this he won't be able to talk to you. I have the same problems with my emotions and acting out, and it's exhausting to people around us, and they shouldn't have to deal with that.. If you move and actually work on yourself to better your emotional regulation and impulses, it might be the key to geting back together. We are much more keen to staying with something we've invested a lot of time/money/energy into, whether that's a job, relationship or whatever, which means it must have been incredibly hard for him to leave, even if it was a way to save himself. You're both hurting in different ways, even though it's hard to accept. We often want to be victims, even though we might be a part of the cause. Allow yourself that feeling for a couple more days if you need it, we all do sometimes. But there's two sides on a coin. I wish you both the best, and I hope things work out for you. Regardless, i know you'll become a(n even more) wonderful version of yourself 🥰

[@simolauren2718]

Cindy, there are no words. I am so sorry, I really hope you are able to get some support x Therapy or even a support group for mothers who have lost children might be good for you. It’s common for couples who experience the loss of a child to split up, it’s a horrible thing to go though, let alone child abuse / other mental health issues. You have always made me smile and your a light to many x

[@ames92]

Never wanted something to be clickbait more. I’m so so sorry Cindy. Mental health conditions affect us so much and people who haven’t experienced it don’t even realise. It’s not an excuse for awful behaviour but an explanation and it doesn’t make you a horrible person. I’m thinking of you and sending you so much love and wishes for strength for the move and as you improve your mental health and find happiness again. 💖

[@SNQ1989]

Omg... Im so sorry Cindy!! My heart is so hurt for you. I have been married for 13 years and it is never fucking easy. We all have issues and many of us have caused scenes and embarrassed ourselves in the name of love. I hope you guys can get through this and if things don't, remember youself! Take care of yourself first. We are all here, we all love you and we all want you to heal. I wish I could hug and squeeze you and give you all the love you can bare!

[@roseability86]

Cindy, number 1 please do find a professional to talk to. Therapy might not be necessary but counselling sounds like it would be very helpful in processing some of the stuff you've been through. Secondly, maybe we don't know the full extent of KZbin but I think if you went back to making Sims videos one day you'd have an audience. I watched your Sims 4 content - the random legacy and the videos comparing things/reviewing new packs - and I know your Sims 2 content was VERY popular. They're bringing out a generational pack for Sims 4 in March which might improve the game. Apparently it has a chemistry system and we have infants too. Obviously, you need to focus on you first but I just saw the bit in the video where you said you lost your KZbin channel and I'm just not sure how true that is.

[@midnightcas9995]

So, I do not want to be that person, but when I saw Andrew get more and more involved with the videos, I noticed that he always seemed rather distant. But I always chalked that up to him just being a quiet person. That said… if what you said is true, you are right. But full blame is not correct. A relationship is two people. Also, you aren’t to blame for your problems. He is choosing to isolate you rather then even try to give any semblance of closure and that is so horribly damaging to both of you. You can’t sweep 15 years under the rug like that. But you are to blame for not actively seeking a way to try and help the issues you have, especially when he encouraged you to do so. Don’t misunderstand: I am not victim blaming you, as that does not help. But ignoring the reality does not help anyone. And that first step is absolutely the hardest one. And it fucking sucks when you have to go through this to take it but I do hope you do take it finally. I hope you and Andrew can work out- or at least be at peace with the reality of it. And I hope you can feel better Cindy. I’ve loved and supported you for years and I won’t stop now.

[@lekiscool]

My parents divorced when they were 52, after my mom left my dad for his best friend. My dad is honestly living his best life 8 years later.

[@ellipszilonq]

Kudos to your dad, an absolute champion! 💖

[@jesssicaaaa]

I’m sorry sweetheart. Really I am truly sorry. You have been through more than most could handle in a lifetime. You are taking accountability and should be very proud of yourself for that. I am sending you all the good energy to help you during this period in your life.

[@valentinad7532]

i think he left you alone on the house not because he wanted to left you jailed in but because he wanted you to have a secure place to live in, him asking you to go to therapy and your relationship shows that he cares for you, please go to therapy, if the therapist doesnt feel right for you go to another one, they will help you work through this, you will get through this, even if you feel now your life is over you will make it out of this

[@anastasisoh6814]

Cindy I can’t even express how sorry I am for you. I know nothing can be consoled right now and we don’t know your life but I will say I see a really beautiful light in you and it breaks my heart to see your talk so soullessly about yourself. Childhood trauma is destructive but you are not the entity you need to act-against. Please get therapy and get help. As someone who was completely isolated a few years ago it is hell to pull yourself out when you hit the lowest possible point. Your videos helped me through my lowest point in my life. It’s incredibly painful to feel face your emotions and this is the first hard part of holding yourself responsible for your life and actions. You are sick but you can get better. the world has a very cruel way of breaking us down to build us up. I am so sorry and I am in tears for you, and you will get through this it is heart crushing. As a recovered borderline and who has been In DBT courses many times it is possible it’s a journey but it’s a well worth it one.

[@kristenroot2510]

I always thought that you and Andrew had the best relationship. Can you ask a loved one to fly out and drive back to Arkansas with you? Please focus on your mental health during this time. When do you start DBT? I highly recommend it! It’s way harder to start therapy than it actually is. Plus, when you have a personality disorder, it’s especially hard to ask for help. I want to help you stick with it! I can feel some of Andrew’s pain, as someone who loves someone with a personality disorder, it’s so hard. I truly believe that if he saw you stay in therapy and take the opportunity to practice what you learned, that he would come back. That kind of progress takes a lot longer than 3 days! This is all so fresh. Try to give him a little space right now. If you need some extra validation from your KZbin family, that’s what we’re here for❤❤❤❤

[@aleyna7498]

I have been going through some stuff in my own life, and there has been a huge earthquake in Turkey recently. Me and my family are okay thank god, but it is really difficult to maintain life in fear right now. On top of all that, I was so shocked to hear about your situation. I literally feel so upset to hear this on top of all these things that are going on. So Cindy, I just want to say that I may not know you very well since I only know you from online platforms, but please know that you are deeply loved. This may sound like nothing to you coming from a stranger, but you are important and deserving of good things. Please never forget that. Try not to blame everything on yourself. The things that you are going through are not easy, but you will get through this. This too shall pass. You are strong. You are important to us. You are important to your pets. Thank you for sharing and please keep us updated.

[@belinaybasaran9184]

Cindy takipçisi bir Türk gördüm 🥺, şu anda ülkemizde olanlardan dolayı ağlayıp durduğum için gözlerim şipşiş, fakat yorumun çok hoşuma gitti 🥺 Umarım sen ve ailen iyisinizdir, umarım herkes çok iyi olur 🥺🤍

[@aleyna7498]

@@belinaybasaran9184 aa merhaba🥹 evet gerçekten ben de sabahtan beri çok üzgünüm ama elimizden de hiçbir şey gelmiyor. İyi dileklerin için teşekkür ederim çok etkilenen bir bölgede değildim ama yine de ülkemizin her şehri için tehlike arz eden bir durum olduğundan insan korkuyor ve tanıdıklar da var tabii. Umarım sen ve sevdiklerin de iyisinizdir. İnşallah hepimiz bu günleri sağlıkla atlatırız✨

[@yespls6260]

Sending love to Turkey from America ❤️ when i got a notification on my earthquake app for a 7.8 my heart absolutely sank.. Turkish people have been through a lot in the past year.

[@aleyna7498]

@@yespls6260 thank you so much 🙌🏻 I hope we will not go through anything like this again. I wish peace and happiness for everyone on this planet✨

[@wooannie9592]

Please dont make big decisions when you are in grief. Seek help asap if possible, today or tomorrow. Please do that first. the stress of moving out will add stress to you more.

[@Ihaveasongtosing]

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. And no matter what you think, this is not your fault. We will be here for you and no matter what we love you.

[@FedeNGI]

We don't know about their private life, so we don't know whose fault it is.

[@Ihaveasongtosing]

@@FedeNGI I don't see where I said who I thought was wrong, I do know we only see part of what is going on.

[@FedeNGI]

@@Ihaveasongtosing you said "this is not your fault"

[@Ihaveasongtosing]

@@FedeNGI I meant it in the sense that bad things happen and you may not have a choice in what happened. Going to turn notifications off, for comments, as I'm not going to respond to you again.

[@ember9361]

@@FedeNGI so she moves away from her family to live close to his and he just up and leaves sorry but he isn't without fault in this

[@xanna9491]

Cindy, I want you to consider one thing. Maybe it was destined to happen. Maybe you needed that kick to see that you need help. Please put yourself first now. You need to start to love yourself. You need to heal. You need time. We are complete strangers, but we do care. Pls document your journey, because I'm sure that you'll find people who are willing to help you. Focus on what you need to do and what you want to do. Please Cindy get help. Remember it's a journey for your own happiness and self love ❤️ The most important kind of love. You need to fight now for you and no-one else. LOVE YA PLS BE STRONG 🥺❤️

[@RookieTok]

Oh Cindy. My heart breaks for you. Is there a chance you can have a talk with him and an impartial party? I think if you could, that may help. And therapy is never too late.

[@mw6346]

I have been in Andrew's situation and im still trying for my partner. But, it took me leaving for him to get help and I'm so angry about that. It's so hard to give everything you have to someone and feel like they won't bother saving themselves. I hope you guys can work it out but it's so hard.

[@andiefromhell]

Oh, Cindy... I'm so sorry. I'm also going through an extremely difficult and painful breakup currently. It's really, really hard. But we'll make it through. I promise. It will take time, but you WILL heal, even if it currently feels like you never will. One day at a time - it's all we can do.

[@Hansueli.]

I'm so sorry for you Cindy, it's so heartbreaking seeing you like that. I'm autistic and struggle too with relationships and friendships. Please get therapy, it helps and it will make your life better. 9 years ago I also felt lost, I thought my life was almost over because I didn't know what was wrong with me and I felt I was disappointing everyone. Then I got the diagnosis, and help, and everything started to improve right away. I still struggle with anxiety sometimes but now I have support and I feel a lot better. Don't give up! We are here for you! I'm sending you a hug and much love. ❤

[@butterflyrisa6334]

I'm actually crying with you because I'm feeling this sadness so deeply... I will be here for your journey of healing

[@ryanwatt6706]

You can ask for help from his family. They are both your family and while they'll prioritize him they might be able to help a bit. But you can do this, and even if you don't get back together you gotta do it to honor what you had.

[@ashleighmackenzie8670]

Not really though. It’s not her family that’s the point. It’s *his*. Maybe she was taken in as a part of the family for a period of time. But no, it’s not her family at all.

[@noestestristecass]

Watching this now, and a bit shocked, this sounds devastating im so sorry this is happening now; I completely understand the impulse and feeling ashamed afterwards and like you can't believe that happened, but it is not a fixed thing that is what defines you and you have had a very hard time. I understand the physical pain from such strong emotions, I'm so so sorry. It's completely normal to keep these things private and you're so brave to openly share and talk about it. I feel like you're very aware and searching for healing and I know you can get better and i believe in you, again I'm so sorry and i wish i lived closer and could help you. Getting help is a difficult thing to do, and it's understandable. I do not hate you, i understand. It sounds like your path may be to learn about yourself and be on your own for a while. Im so sorry about having to say goodbye to your pets :(

[@florbest89]

I’ve been where you are, I’m bipolar, and going to therapy and taking responsibility is a huge step in the right direction. Everything will get better, if you are at your lowest there’s no way to go but up. You can do this Cindy! I know I’m a stranger on the internet but if you ever need to talk to someone, I’m here

[@BenThomas13]

Honey you can’t beat yourself up. You’re human. We all do mad shit, I know multiple people that have done the same things you have done; it happens. Emotions make people do crazy things man. It’s not your fault.

[@PlumbobQueens2]

Rewatching this again and knowing some more about what was going on at this time, it's so awful. The way she just blamed herself for ruining her marriage and being a bad wife meanwhile he was the actual reason behind all this and just let her believe that until the end.

[@psychedelic.dreamer]

She was just as responsible for it ending though. She's not innocent nor is he.

[@dundee6402]

@@psychedelic.dreamer Still no one deserves what he did to her, the lies, the disrespect, the betrayal, the manipulation, and the mental abuse and tormenting he inflicted on her. Whatever she did doesn't come close to the awfulness of his actions.

[@psychedelic.dreamer]

​@@dundee6402she disrespected him and manipulated him just the same. One wrong isn't worse than another. He's not the only guilty party.

[@dundee6402]

@@psychedelic.dreamer That's like saying someone who stole the candy of a baby is equally as guilty as someone who committed a murder. Not comparable at all, you know?

[@Osnapitzjaej]

Final video goodbye Life plus Cindy goodbye

[@Satrina777]

I have a tendency to write these long comments, so I apologize in advance, but I love you Cindy, I've been following you for a few years now sort of lurking in the background most of the time. I'm so incredibly sorry for your losses, you truly do not deserve to be alone, no matter what you may believe about yourself. I believe in you, I believe that you will heal. I won't throw any other platitudes your way because I know they won't take away from the pain, but please know that you are loved, appreciated, and that the community you've garnered cares about you. I personally have a deep respect for you, for always keeping it real, expressing yourself even when the truth hasn't been "pleasant".. because that's life, that's reality, and you don't shy away from it. We're all flawed.. and I'm hoping Andrew see's that you are willing to keep trying. I would think he'd know by now that you're capable of making changes when necessary. Look at what you've accomplished thus far with your health, your diet, etc. I know that DBT/CBT will change your life, as it's changed mine. Good luck on your journey south if you still end up leaving, my heart and all the positive energy I can muster, goes out to you.

[@Jacyl]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is a very difficult situation, and it's normal to have a lot of negative feelings All of this happened very recently, and the emotions are very high, and I understand you feel guilty and want to take responsibility, but try to not get lost in the self hate, you are not a bad person, you just need help I am glad you decided to go to therapy, it can be very very helpful, and I hope it will be for you The pain will get better with time, and I hope it stops being this bad soon I hesitate to say this and I'm afraid it's going to have a negative effect, but I am worried. It seems that you are making very big decisions in a very vulnerable moment. It probably is good to get out of the house, and go stay with family or friends for a little bit, but I would wait to make the big decisions until you are in a more emotionally stable moment I also want to say that it's normal that Andrew needs some space, it has just been a week, I'm sure that he will answer your texts when he is ready Again I am so so sorry that this is happening to you, it's a very difficult situation, I am sending you a lot of love and hope for easier times, you can get through this, even if it doesn't feel like it right now

[@kore_michaela]

Cindy my heart breaks for you 💔 But this is not solely on you and you're not alone. We are here for you ❤️

[@limerencexo]

Babygirl, regardless of what happens, youre gonna be okay, you're gonna make it through this. Therapy is definitely the first step. You have alot of healing to do, its time to work on you! I was disowned by my family, sexually, mentally & physically abused, when you said a hole in your heart, I felt that. You're stronger than you know, you have a ton of support online, youre gonna get through everything. We love you Cindy!!

[@jem5771]

Don't ever think you're beyond redemption, Cindy. You've done good with your Sims community and we love you for that. Just take it one day at a time and keep your head up. Being able to acknowledge when we need help is the biggest step. DBT will be good for you. Mindfulness and coping skills can be extremely helpful. I'm rooting for you, Cindy, and please make sure to take care of yourself.

[@Levianeee]

Cindy, I just hope you don't feel pressured to expose and share every detail of your life to us because this is somethig truly personal you are talking about and I just hope you aren't doing this because you feel like you owe your subscribers explanations or anything, it will just hurt you more. You talk about how you feel responsible because how you need to update vlogs, but honestly?Taking care of yourself is much more important for you right now, and if that means taking a break, then I'm sure everyone will understand, no matter how long it might take, so I really really hope you are doing this because you truly feel like it's helping you and not because you feel guilty you are hiding somthing from us. I wish you only the best and I hope therapy will help you!

[@joannemurray1025]

Cindy, I am so, so sorry. I’m in a sort of similar position. My former partner and I’ve been together for 20 years I helped raise his daughter from a previous relationship, I’ve raised our son. And my son is autistic and requires a high level of support so I had to give up my work to be there for him and now I’m sat in this house trying to figure out how to restart. I haven’t been without my partner since I was 19. Again, my ex is not a bad man and he still loves me. He says, but he’s not in love with me So I guess we can be on this journey together. I’ve just started therapy.

[@Hansueli.]

I'm so sorry for you! I'm autistic myself so I know the struggles... but it will be better! I promise! ❤

[@joannemurray1025]

@@Hansueli. thank you very much. It’s really hard all round, but our number one priority is being amicable coparents for our son

[@Taponne]

I am so so sorry to see you go through this. This is horrible and life ruining. Watching this absolutely broke my heart, and I hope you're able to heal. You are NOT a bad person, and I will watch whatever you are able to post. We love you, and if there was anything else I could for you I would.

[@Naomi1701]

Cindy I'm so sorry that you've been through so much lately. Sometimes it takes such extreme situations for us to realize we need help and it really really hurts. We all have struggles in our lives and make mistakes and I don't think that makes you a bad person especially since you are determined to change and heal. This is going to be a hard transition in your life but I do believe you WILL get though this and you CAN rebuild. Sending you as much strength as possible right now and I hope you can eventually find some light through self healing even when everything feels so dark.

[@melaniewantsabeer243]

I'm Autistic and my heart goes out to you. I problems with emotional regulation and impulse control as well. And having a history of severe abuse. I want to let you know you are not alone hun❤️❤️❤️ Hope things get better❤️❤️❤️

[@kaydwessie296]

Same, I have completely and entirely given up on dating because I know I'm just straight up not aware to give what someone needs.

[@deletedaccount1990]

I'm an Aspie and I agree that it may be hard but as I got older it became easier. It's never totally easy but life and experience makes us stronger.

[@iselinizzymouland1692]

If I was there, I'd just hug you and let you cry. I feel with you 🩷

[@pansypansypansy]

your life is not over… far from it. this is your chance to start working on yourself. you deserve happiness and you deserve to be content with who you are as a person. you might have done hurtful or bad things - that doesn’t make you a bad person. you’ve been hurt yourself and you need to heal. you’re not alone

[@marissamarlo]

I have struggled with BPD for my whole adulthood and pushed so many people away. I ruined my relationship with my sons father and I wouldn’t have my husband if I didn’t have constant DBT sessions over the years. I know where you are. I’m so sorry Cindy. Your trauma is not you fault but this could be the beginning to something even better. You WILL get help. You WILL get better. Again, as someone with borderline I know how hard it can be and it literally feels like you’re dying but you’ll make it through.

[@indyavonside207]

Cindy I don't know you personally just what I have seen on your videos. But I am real straight shooter so I am gonna be honest with you. I'm a pretty good judge of character and I knew from your videos you are a sweet person. I really want you to slow down and process what is happening and try and think calmly about what is going on right now. I not care what you did but I know Andrew probably needs some space. When you are a caregiver as he has been to you and based on what you are saying he has been through the ringer, he is drained. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you or care for you. You are married and he needs some time to sort himself out. I would say stay and give him a chance to get his feelings and wants in order. Moving so far seems rushed to me and unfair to your relationship. If he wants a divorce or to separate let him tell you and don't guess. Unless he saying you got to leave the house I wouldn't go until he had a chance to voice his opinions. You said you know you need counseling and I want you to focus on that now. Do this for you, not to keep Andrew, not to make videos for us, but for you. Cindy you are enough, you are extremely smart and you are kind. I'm not sure of your faith but I have been praying for you for so long that I feel like you are my friend. You get this counseling for you, so you can understand you are not your past you are so much more. This community will rally behind you and support you. I respect you sharing so much and I hope I haven't been too forward. You love this man, stay put . You want this marriage stay put. Running away will make things harder for you both. Also remember opinions are like a$$holes, everybody got one.

[@dan-ch8kr]

i think you said this perfectly

[@de.dikke_dame]

So well said, dear!

[@Elpaisdelosguapipos]

Whatever happens, I hope Andrew and you will have a long, healthy and succesful life, whether it is together or not. I sincerely wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and good luck with therapy

[@RubyLunaStar]

I’ve thought about how to write this, but Cindy, this is nobodies fault. Having a personality disorder can be so hard but you admitting that you have done wrong and want to apologize is one of the strongest things you can do. I wish you the best of luck 💗

[@MishaSims]

I was where you are right now 12 years ago, Cindy. i've been alone for 12 years now, trying to fix myself. I haven't been fit for a relationship for a very long time. i still don't trust myself in a relationship because i still believe i destroy everything i touch. i have learned how to be alone with myself. it will get better, Cindy, but it will take a very long time. i'm still working on my bpd and it will always be a work in progress. i also experienced a lot of trauma as a child but also as an adult as well. every miscarriage dropped me further into the hole of my spiraling. if you need someone to talk to, you can always message me because i've been where you are

[@swancho9746]

I'm so sorry Cindy 💖 sending you much love and praying for healing

[@Aleals7777]

PLEASE please Cindy count on us for whatever you might need!

[@violas97]

Cindy I know you will get through this, but allow yourself to grieve! I started to cry with you

[@Jennyfer221]

I admire your honesty SO much! Cindy, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're truly not alone with those issues. TRAUMA SUCKS. It changes people. I'm so sorry for everything that you have been through lately. Please, please, please take care of yourself, you deserve it!! Go home to Arkansas, rest and I hope you can heal ❤❤️‍🩹 It's hard work but it will be worth it.

[@41exandra]

Cindy, down the line, you will be able to look back and be proud of how you've forged through in the wake of everything that's happened. As someone who was once in a similar position, I wish I managed the fallout of my own life with the same level of accountability and fortitude in the immediate aftermath. I am so proud of you for making the choice to leave if that is what's best, getting stuff prepared despite all the pain, and ensuring your pets are cared for no matter how heartbreaking it is to be separated from them. You are not a bad person and you are so strong for taking these steps. Therapy was essential for me in rebuilding my life from ground up. I did DBT as well and it has helped me immensely. Now I am so grateful for where I am and for the people in my life. I wish you so much love, Cindy. You can do this.

[@nikkiplatasp9805]

I'm so sorry, Cindy. I completely empathize with what you've been through, at least for what you've told us. The hardest thing is that we don't love ourselves and rely so much on those around us. Please heal with your family in Arkansas and find a therapist. I have to do that too, so this is me talking to myself as well. It will get better; you are absolutely a beautiful person that needs to heal. You know a lot about yourself and speak eloquently about your behavior. Please don't fill that hole with alcohol, it's so difficult to stop the disease once it spreads.

[@nikkiplatasp9805]

for the compact rental, the may upgrade you for free. I've always gotten a free upgrade. Wouldn't hurt to ask!

[@MakzPlayground]

Hey Cindy. I am SO fucking sorry for everything you're going through right now. You're not stupid, you're not crazy and you're not a terrible person. As hard as it is and may be for a long time but self compassion and self love is your BEST friend in these moments, starting with forgiveness, you're human. I have c-ptsd due to childhood abuse and trauma and trust me, i get it, when you talked about needing love and attention, I go through it all the time with my partner and I lost her at one point due ti my own shitty mistakes. I started therapy and went on anti-depressants and it was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself. DBT and CBT as well as couples therapy did wonders. I really hope that you and Andrew find some sort of resolve and get back together however if that doesn't happen I am sending you all the love, and confidence for you. I hope you will find it within yourself to move forward, you're strong, please never doubt that within you because you are. Look back on everything you've faced and gone through in your life and know you're still here doing your best in this moment. ❤❤

[@jerseycow7494]

We love you, Cindy. And I'm so sorry that you're in pain. Following such an intensely stressful past twelve months, I can't imagine how you're keeping it together today. There are so many people in the comments sending you love and I hope you can feel that over the coming weeks. We're all thinking of you and sending loving kindness your way.

[@jackielovesbread]

Hey Cindy, I’m not really great with words and I’m not sure I can write you something so eloquent as others have. Im someone who has enjoyed your content because it started off as enjoying your Sims content and evolved it into following you on your journey with weight loss and managing PCOS to mourning your loss alongside you. I will never feel what you feel but please know you are never alone. Your comments are filled with people who care SO much about you. *I* care so much about you. I know if don’t know you but I feel like I do, mainly because I see so much of myself in you. A few years ago my brother passed away from an overdose, my mom ran away with another man, my childhood home went up for foreclosure, and a few months later COVID started. My dad was rarely home, he worked to not think and when he wasn’t working he was around town doing god knows what. I spent many many nights alone, drinking and taking pills just to sleep. I’ve been there. I had those dark thoughts. All I can say to you is: Don’t. Give. Up. You’re right, the pain feels physical. It feels like someone carved a hole in your chest and something is missing from you, bleeding from you, aching. But. Don’t. Give. Up. It has been 4 VERY long years but I am feeling better. It is not perfect. Life is not perfect. But it gets better. Don’t. Give. Up. I have been here for a few chapters of your life Cindy and I am anxiously awaiting to see how this book ends and your next book begins. Don’t. Give. Up. ❤

[@hollymacdonald1472]

Cindy I'm only halfway through your video & crying with you. I work with people with the same (I'm guessing from what you've told us) personality disorder & you are all wonderful people that have gone through so much &, if it is the personality disorder I'm thinking of, I am so proud of you for starting DBT. Know I do not think any less of you, I think you are an amazing, but broken, person & the fact that you are so determined to work on yourself is fantastic and shows your strength. I am so so sorry for what you are going through right now & have been through in the past but we are here beside you. I wish you the absolute best