My Memory Disorder makes me forget People | SDAM

[@i.am.mindblind]

I'm hoping if you relate to this because you have SDAM and you have people who get frustrated with you, send them my video. Sometimes hearing it from someone else may help them understand it isn't something your making up. I went so long thinking I was just terrible or self centered. But now I know, my brain is just different. ❤️

[@redtetrahedron]

Same with me. I only recently learned about aphantasia and sdam and am glad to have a name to apply to what I experience every day, and to know there are others who have the same issues.

[@Minky2017]

I keep discovering completely other lives I've lived and can't seem to fit it all in my life timeline. I have dissociate disorder and this reminds me completely.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I have a friend with DID and I think I relate to them very much because we have similar memory experiences. But I don't resonate with the DID or OSDD diagnostic criteria, but SDAM fits like a glove. Still, I do see the similarities.

[@joanneliu282]

Once again, you've articulated exactly things I've go through on a regular basis. I'm not always great at putting things into words so content like this is so helpful!

[@i.am.mindblind]

It makes me so happy to hear that my video is helpful. A lot of this stuff is so hard to explain. I'm still working at it too! But having conversations with people who have a similar experience really helps create a language around the topic. ❤️

[@clairebarnes_162]

​​@@i.am.mindblind I am so happy (even though I am currently crying lol) that I stumbled across your videos... I think the videos showed up because I have recently discovered I have Aphantasia. Until this video I thought it was just me being terrible friend/sister/daughter etc because weeks will go past and it will take something to trigger me to remember that person and your comments about forgetting key details if not reminded regularly has caused me to upset friends when, for example, I completely didn't remember that her mum had died and asked how she was doing (worse part was I even went with my friend to chapel of rest and her funeral) and other terrible things like that. Finally I have a video that I can use to explain, as you put into words what I have been unable to explain well even to myself.

[@fiercearmadillo6850]

Its difficult to know the future!!! Like, how am I to predict in advance who will be important, and which experiences might be relevant, especially socially relevant, later on? It's troubling to wonder if I should bother making a strong effort (repeating reminders, physical notes) to remember an encounter or event, in the short window I have to do so. Even less whether I should "refresh" the memory by going over my notes and repeating the information as weeks and months go by. I've sadly hurt people's feelings too often by simply not realizing that a conversation or interaction was important enough to put effort into remembering. Only *very* recently am I realizing that many people naturally remember all sorts of things, even "unimportant" ones! Add to this my charming Aspie directness and here's me running into a nice, vaguely familiar person and innocently asking for a memory refresher: "Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot that day/conversation/meeting! Was it important?" So oops. Apparently asking if a shared experience was important is insulting. It's insulting *because* autobiographical memory is presumed natural for most people. But, I really was just asking for a memory refresher... just a little help please... eek... goodbye forever then...

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yes to all of this!

[@deniseburningham1380]

I would say object permanence is the right term for what you are talking about, for sure! Nicely explained, I am able to understand better the impact of having aphantasia and SDAM on friendships/remembering people.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I had to go rewatch this video because I forgot what I said in it! It's such a strange experience rewarching because I cognitively know that's me. I recognize myself but it was like watching for the first time, I had no memory of what I was going to say. I also totally forgot I owned the ring I was wearing in the video. Haha! Thank you for watching. 😊

[@_its.stephanie.rose_]

Yup... I'm also terrible with names, so even if that person has known me my entire life but I hadn't spoken to them for months or even a few years, when I see them again I know I know them but I completely forget their name & how I know them but I'm friendly & like to talk to them but because I forgot their name I am embarrassed to ask cause I SHOULD know their name... I do recognize faces more than remembering names so that's another thing, unless I have spoken to this person a lot on a daily or even weekly basis, I won't remember their name.

[@Minky2017]

The way i remember my life and timeline of my life events is through photos. I have to keep random pics and I'll view them by date to retrieve info in my brain from anything within a certain time frame near it. Any random image can unlock a TON of memory surrounding that time frame. Without those im lost.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I have to use photos too, unfortunately they don't unlock more memories for me though, but at least the act as a record of a life lived.

[@shapeofsoup]

That must be so frustrating for you. Even without a memory disorder, I have had a few situations where I’ve forgotten things a friend or family member told me, or just something about them I should have remembered and didn’t-and I know those moments were extremely stressful and guilt ridden for me. I can’t imagine the anxiety of having that happen pretty much all the time. Even with the memory loss, I know those feelings can stick around and compound. Thank you for sharing. It is interesting to hear your perspective on these experiences, and I’m sure it must be helpful for others who share your experiences, if nothing else do they know they’re not alone.

[@i.am.mindblind]

It really is. It's so hard to describe the sense of guilt and embarrassment that washes over me when I realized I forgot an important part of someone's life. I can't help it, but it doesn't make it better. I try to journal as best I can, because then I at least have something to refer back to.

[@shapeofsoup]

@@i.am.mindblind you’ve communicated that well in this video. I know it must be a constant battle. On a lighter note, have you ever seen the movie Memento? It’s one of my favorites. I’d love to hear a review of it from the perspective of someone with SDAM-or even just a general experience with and perspective on movies, songs, books, and other works that many people love and recall as a part of their own identity.

[@i.am.mindblind]

@@shapeofsoup I haven't seen it (haha, or at least I don't recall that I have. You know what I'm talking about!) I'll see if I can find it on Netflix. Good topics for videos, thanks!

[@chasejep]

I’m in the same boat as you with aphantasia and sdam. Life is certainly tricky. Thanks for making this video. Much easier to share something like this than a paper with family and friends.

[@i.am.mindblind]

I'm glad you appreciate it. Not necessarily an easy video to make, but I was hoping it'd help others.

[@helencampbell]

Gosh that must be so frustrating. Thank you for sharing

[@i.am.mindblind]

It is! I'll even admit, if I've gone I awhile without chatting with you and the some of your content pops up in my feed, I'll have this unsettled feeling trying to remember when the last time I checked on on you and chatted with you. It's always startling!

[@helencampbell]

@@i.am.mindblind 🥰 aww

[@BrokenDollyTV]

I need to find me some friends with this condition... just my type of friends. 😂 i tell my current friends if i contacted them as much as i think about them, they would think I'm a stalker. So i purposely go months without interacting with people to make them feel more comfortable. I have autism so maybe my approach is off? But I wish i had friends who care enough to reach out regularly, and not just when they wanna go party or have outings.

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yes, I often regulate how often I reach out to someone and make sure it's not seen as too often. Part of thst for me is adhd out of Sight Out of Mind. So, if I don't purposefully keep someone in my mind, I will forget about them for an extended. Time. Which isn't what I want to do. It's kind of all or nothing.

[@BrokenDollyTV]

@@i.am.mindblind all the discussions here are fascinating.

[@MyFisher2010]

i met my sister i havent seen since i was 1 week old im 49 i seen her 2x this week before she left to go back to eastern states but i already cant remember her i can give brief description but thats it its so bad and sad and makes be feel like crap not sure why i just dont think of peopel once i dont see them

[@i.am.mindblind]

That's hard. Maybe there is potential for FaceTime or zoom calls to continue to get to know each other if the meeting went well. I understand because I feel so bad when I forget someone too, but it's not because we don't care, our brains are just wired differently!

[@karennelson3180]

I have SDAM

[@Minakie]

You can have this without either the aphantasia or the SDAM, it's a pretty common feature in ADHD. Jessica from How to ADHD has a whole video about it (kzbin.info/www/bejne/mF7dl5SaZs-Cq9k&ab_channel=HowtoADHD) and in some of her videos (like the one where she's ADHD-proofing her kitchen) she literally says that, for her, it's "out of sight out of mind" and her brain "forgets" that the objects exist until she sees them again. I highly recommend her channel, she does a great job tackling all the different little details that make up ADHD.

[@Minky2017]

My sister and mother cannot think in imagery. Is this what you were talking about?

[@i.am.mindblind]

Yep. No pictures or images in my mind. Just thoughts and for me no sound to my thoughts.