“My spouse spends too much money!” | How to get your partner to budget

I get asked a LOT how to get your spouse on board with a budget. So today I am sharing my story.
Mentioned: Jessi Fearon jessifearon.com/
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Lydia Senn
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Creola, AL 36525
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[@janicekrol8320]

Me and hubby are complete opposites. He’s the spender and lives for now. He’s willing to work till the day he dies to have new cars, bikes, toys. I’m the saver and would rather live simply now to enjoy retirement. We’ve been together over 20 years and come to the conclusion we can’t change each other. Paying off debt is an extremely slow process because of this but it can still happen 👍🏻

[@fil-it6868]

Same 😂

[@christenford3864]

Thank God your husband had the mindset he had in showing you how your goals aren't going to be met if you didn't get it of debt. It shows he is in tune with you. Love it.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

It's wise to marry someone smarter than you. 🤣

[@freedominabudget]

This is such a great reminder as the saver to be respectful of my husband the spender!

[@ameerahalgohary]

"It's a communication problem, not a money problem".. That's so true 👍🏼

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

It's a sad truth.

[@ajl1441]

You are 100% correct in saying that if your partner won’t discuss money that it’s a problem with the marriage, not a problem with money. There turned out to be a huge problem with my marriage, which thankfully is now over.

[@denisek5208]

Communication is KEY! I am more of the nerd my husband is more of the free spirit. Having the extra money for each of us without being allocated to a certain thing has been so helpful. Thanks for sharing and have a great day

[@adtbird1]

4 years later my husband is just starting to come around to the idea of being debt free.. Its a slow road but we are getting there!

[@mamafromscratch6690]

So what you're saying is there's hope? Lol

[@hansaldi]

My husband gets more personal money than me. I agree that’s the only way for us it would work.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

It's great to find what works for you.

[@minimalmillionairemom]

Hello, reformed spender here. My husband and I were both spenders, probably more so me...but he was definitely an enabler. I got my husband on board by explaining that we would finally know where all the money is going. Showing him what we can save for retirement was also helpful. Are you doing something special on your 5 year debt free anniversary?

[@yojs17_]

Great advice! I was the one saying “this is the budget and we both must stick to it”. Budget meeting was very emotional at first. It didn’t work until I lead by example and cut my spending and let him have more of a say so in the budget. We have different amounts for spending money because i choose to limit myself more than he does. It works. After 9 months, our budget meetings are much calmer and much easier and we rarely fight or get heated about money. But it took time.

[@rebeccablashock3829]

I am the reformed spender. Finally on the same page. Thank you!

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Good things take time!

[@ruthwhelan5191]

This video is so relevant to me right now. Looking to combine households in the coming years with my fiancé (we are both separated, with kids separately). It’s a big deal whether you can talk or not about money, house, future plans! Currently working on that ... this video was great advice. I’d love to hear more on marriage advice from you Lydia.. you are a rock of sense.

[@ericoneal9640]

There's a difference between being an grown adult and maturity also there is no one remedy in every relationship I'm glad it worked for you

[@sarahbarker7449]

I'm a saver that was formerly a spender. I had to switch sides out of necessity, married a worse spender than me!!

[@lashawntagandy5141]

Thank you so much for this video!!! Always so informative

[@aliciaunaryan4751]

This video was just what I needed, as my hubby is more of the spender than what I am. Thank you for always being so real & honest, it's like talking to a girlfriend. Greetings from South Africa

[@GAbutterfly8211]

Girl when you started with your "I don't like..." around 0:45, I felt like I'd found my long lost twin. And I'm also from Alabama LOL.

[@janefromthecountry1820]

I would rather put extra principle on our mortgage then anything else! Or travels....stuff does not matter to me. We are both savers. One of our vehicles is 17 years old, Honda CRV.

[@j.strickenart6117]

Ditching The Grind 3 gotta love a Honda! ❤️ I have a Toyota that’s about 20yrs.

[@j.strickenart6117]

I was the spender too! After listening to Dave Ramsey, it changed my mind set. I make sure to think about my purchases, and stay in our budget.

[@laurieb2296]

Good Morning Lydia! Hubby and I are frugal together. I am a reformed spender.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Awesome!

[@cassandrasiegel-chau6645]

The older I get more more of a saver I have become, I have the mindset of will I actually use it or is it just a want it. My boyfriend on the other hand he was raised with the mentality of "it's on sale I must buy it because look how much money I saved" doesn't matter if we already have multiple of the item or even will use it. He comes home sometimes multiple times a week with bags of chips and things from the grocery store when the he hasn't even opened what he bought weeks before. I had to put my foot down an make a rule that he can only replace once things are used.

[@reginaalear]

My husband and I are both spenders but are really working on budgeting together. We are hoping to make a budget that will help us to get out of debt.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

A budget is vital!

[@nannypat6520]

Thank you! I have a portion set aside for the hubster but didn't think of doing that for me. I think he feels less stressed if he can have a bit of cash in his pocket and enough for an occasional golf game with our son ( using 2 for one coupons). Last year I learned with eating that , little changes really add up. This year we are applying it to our debt. I can't get him to give up the car payment so I changed to a 3 yr plan. It will be paid off in 3 years. Brings me peace to just give him that. 68 yrs old and I'm still learning. Thank you for the great advice!

[@momilaniosullivan9756]

This was so helpful!! Thank you so much for sharing Lydia!

[@dayrich]

my husband gets more personal money which is fine by me since he makes it & is the spender. that helps us not to over spend & save which is what i enjoy.

[@Lorri.E]

Good advice! I really like this video. My husband and I are both savers, but he out saves me, lol. I'm thankful we are on the same page with our finances, and with life. We've been married 30 years now! and have 6 kids.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Thank you so much!

[@TheImperfectReader]

Some hard truths! Thank you, I wish this had been my initial approach.

[@carom5978]

I WAS the spender. My husband will not actually make the budget but he sits with me at every paycheck to see where our money is going. We were both onboard the debt free journey when we couldn’t pay for a fridge when ours broke down. We had no savings and credit cards had reached there limits! :/

[@nrsimmons178]

We're both spenders, I'm just less of a spender than my husband. Swear you were speaking to my hard-headed self! I loathe being in charge of the finances (nerd by default?), so I think I hold it against the hubs by trying to strong arm him into doing things my way (just realized how horrible I sound-yikes!) when he starts spending like a drunk rapper. He has his own home inspection business (feast-or-famine pay) and I'm the steady paycheck (surg tech/nursing student). I'm going to take your advice and do the dream-building with him to show what can be accomplished once we get a firm handle on our financial future. Wish me luck!

[@chandraheidel355]

Good luck 😍

[@nrsimmons178]

@@chandraheidel355 Ty, Chandra! ♡

[@georgec8210]

I was completely debt free til I got a girlfriend. I spent a lot on her and she said I was cheap at times. She left me for a lawyer. She was the hottest girl I ever went out with in my life though.

[@tinapospeshil5059]

Little by little we figure things out. Communication is critical and adjustments need to be made as we progress through this "journey". We used to get the same amount of "spending cash" but we found that hubby needed more than I did and we had to adjust that a few times to get it right.

[@jmiller8678]

I got my husband onboard by saying “don’t you want to retire early? “.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Awesome!

[@christi3411]

I love it and I think that I will borrow that! ;)

[@jmiller8678]

Christi Lee I hope it works for you too! My husband shows love by buying things, so it was hard to get him on the same page. But the thought of retiring early was magic to his ears! Good luck!

[@jennerationcreations5982]

Love this video. I am the spender AND the nerd. My husband is the saver but he wants me to have anything and everything I want. It’s a struggle sometimes to stay n track with our budget. This year has been the best yet though. It’s definitely a constant work in progress

[@LaurieChistine]

Ouch...it’s a marriage problem. You are right though.

[@secretheader]

I recently found you and I love your videos!!! I am the spender (former saver) and boy am I having difficulty starting this journey!!! Thank you for making these videos. I will keep you posted

[@gernienemyles4920]

Thank you so much. This video really help me as I am the spender. My husband and I have been arguing for years about how I spend money and I really like the idea about personal spending budget. As when we do the budget together it feels like I am kid and I am restricted to buying things.

[@vegemitegirl1971]

We each get discretionary money but hubby says that I need to spend some of it on myself instead of others

[@LindseyMurphy]

I've historically been the spender and hubs has been the saver. But - BUT - as we've aged, we've kind of each become less extreme. I'm a little more frugal and willing to save money for a larger purchase that I want (with my "personal" money) and he's become a little more carefree with buying things. We do implement the "each has spending money" (allowance for lack of a better term) and it's made things so much less tense. Also, we've noticed that we spend money very differently: I'll spend small sums frequently. Hubby spends large sums rarely. It winds up being about the same amount of money... just two different ways of doing it. I love your tips!

[@grannyprepper7788]

I handle our finances, hubby doesn't want to. I can talk to him about it, but he doesn't want to be hands on. He gets his weekly money and he's happy that way.

[@emilyparkinson1219]

My husband is the same way. He's very open about discussing our finances, but he prefers to make the money & let me handle the budget. He knows I need that sense of control & he's totally fine with it.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

And that is fine! I like to know what is happening and where things are going. But sometimes it's easier to just let one person handle one area.

[@sharlenehayden2412]

My boyfriend is the same way. We have shared expenses, but otherwise keep our money/debt payoff plans separate, but, I still do the budgets for the both of us. He lovingly calls me his accountant 😆. He appeases me by reconciling his budget once a month, but otherwise is more than happy to take his personal spending money for the month and move on (he is naturally very frugal, so it works). I think the important thing is that while he’s not interested in the numbers and spread sheets, we communicate about our finances constantly and are on the same page with our financial and future goals.

[@laurarenovato7832]

Love your new hairstyle/color really brings out your eyes your beautiful inside and out! Thanks for sharing ❤

[@amarillisreyes6602]

I love all your videos and they have helped more than you’ll ever know. Have a blessed day!

[@destineeg8003]

My sister and I live together. I'm the saver, she's the spender. We're learning how to communicate and budget. Thanks for the tip on the personal spending money! We didn't factor that into our budget, but I definitely think it will help to ease the tension ❤

[@bethsherman3202]

Since you read all of the comments, just wanted to say - good morning! Thank you for your time and for sharing your story and knowledge!

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Hi Beth, thank you!

[@angelawix2075]

We are such much alike 😜 I’m definitely the spender and don’t you think you can tell me how to do something because I’ll just show you my way is better. 😂

[@salliebeard1899]

Great info...thank you for sharing.

[@JorgeMorales-ez5ts]

I needed this..

[@meisudoku]

My husband joked that he spends his spending money on tacos. It must have been a lot of tacos. Lol.

[@darthkal-el4939]

I don’t care what my spouse spends her money on. I do care and am bothered by the fact that she constantly exceeds her monthly budget and seemingly has a difficult time keeping track of her spending. I even have to include a “Wife’s”overspending” budget every month that she doesn’t know about in order to make up for it. I’m working 6 days a week just to keep us afloat, and we have a hard time taking about money because she tends to over-correct the situation. She suffers from high functioning anxiety, and whenever I try to have a conversation with her about her spending, she tries to unrealistically fix everything right away and start trying to sell stuff right in the middle of the conversation and says to not give her any money at all anymore. When in reality, the correct response was supposed to be to hear me out and work out a plan together to adjust instead of just being reactionary and cancelling everything. She just cannot handle the conversation for the life of her

[@laurasweet_home_alabama8778]

Good morning!!! Found you a couple of days ago. I live in Trussville, AL, What part of AL do you live??? We are working a plan called Budget Boot Camp by Jordan Page. Her website is FunCheaporFree.com She sorta bases her plan on Dave Ramsey's but she also realizes that LIFE sometimes just won't go into an envelope. She also has tons of videos on KZbin. I have shared you with my husband & he is listening to you at work. We are becoming Fast Fans of you!!!! Keep up the awesome work!!!! Laura

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

We're near the coast.

[@TechGeekTXDad]

I’m the saver and my wife is the spender. Though I make more than she does, I try to save more for our kids & our future, more than spend any on myself.

[@xiction]

Thank you for this video. It's so hard for me since my boyfriend is a retired veteran and so he loves to spend frivolously but I am the saver and we just recently moved in together. I'm trying to find a way to balance our budget so we are still saving but he doesn't feel deprived... But he is definitely an "enabler" and I feel like we have just increased so much "stuff" in the house and sometimes I can't even remember where the money goes because he just spends so easily... It's a struggle. ;~;

[@joycegodwin7796]

I have found too, that when people don’t want to talk about money or budgeting, it can be because they have never talked about it with anyone. Many people that I have witnessed having difficulty with money conversations, grew up in an environment that didn’t foster communication in that area. Often, they operate on a defense mechanism to avoid looking uneducated.

[@betts258]

oouuuffff! once again : tough but true

[@susanvelez6534]

I agree respect is the utmost, and with respect in a relationship all things are possible. 👏🏼🙋🏻🤗👍🏼

[@rtdonin]

Listening to you, as a single woman in debt, in some ways it's easier with a spouse. I'm jealous. Lol.

[@chandraheidel355]

DON'T BE JEALOUS GIRL!! Sometimes a spouse, like in my situation, can be a frustrating thing. He doesn't want to talk finances and we've been married 3 years and I have my account, and he has his. He makes 2 times what I do and it's just a frustrating thing. He buys what he wants, when he wants, but when it's time to pay bill's I'm the only frugal one with $!

[@peggyhall5363]

Trying to be assertive, not the opposite was hard. I was the other more than I like to remember. Am I making exuses, if at times, someone wasn't honest with me about anything/everything? There were alot of hard choices and not so nice moments. Do I regret alot...yes; yes I do. It takes two reasoning adults in a relationship, to keep it together, relating in harmony, moving together in the direction of goals & would like.

[@teresacameron3296]

Great video. Thanks for sharing. You are awesome!

[@lolitamokita8223]

I'm the spender😑 But I'm working on it. I get so nervous i wantt to spend non stop i need help.

[@aaronb4936]

I have tried the calm and measured approach with my wife for 3 years now. I have pleaded for her understanding and she nods and lovingly agrees that things need to change.. and then within a month or two she goes right back to squandering all our savings and ruining our futures. What should I do now? I understand that she is not a child and it’s not respectful (nor do I desire) to treat her like a child… but the truth is that she is behaving like one. I am so lost

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

I would set up an account she doesn't have access for savings and then both of you need to go to therapy together. This isn't just about money.

[@hdleemom101]

“If your husband wants to spend it on beef jerkey....”really hits home lol😂

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

I speak from experience.

[@donnajones9006]

I needed to hear this today! I have been chafing at my husband spendinv on books. I go to the library, he buys books at Walmart. But, he does nof smoke or drink so I need to leave him alone about the books.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Yes!

[@amylasher87]

I'm the saver of the 2 of us and much more responsible with budgeting and saving than he is. He has no clue. he's admitted that I am good a making things stretch for us and he respects that I can budget for us, however he won't give me any money at all of his to put towards savings. We're trying to get out of living in his parents house due to covid, and its just getting ridiculous that he won't give me anything at all to save up. He knows I don't spend anything on myself at all right now since it's imperative that we save up to leave this toxic place we are in. He also acknowledges that he wants to leave too and it's not good for us to stay here. He literally gives all his money to his mother and she keeps it in a safe and when he wants money he has to.go through her. I think being in his late.30s this needs to end yesterday! His parents have never shown their children how to save or budget and are extremely manipulating on their kids. I guess my question to you is how do you combat this inappropriate relationship of finances with your spouses parents? I've tried to gently tell everyone involved to give us our space.our own savings but its fallen on deaf ears. His mother is never going to let go of him of his finances and im just at a loss as what to do. He won't talk to her and the times he has she has completely rejected his wishes. What are your suggestions?

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

You’re not gonna like my answer but he needs to go to therapy. There are bigger issues than money that need to be discussed with a licensed therapist.

[@roxyjinks9643]

My hubby really didn’t have a say so on budgeting because even tho he makes more money and has been the main/only income sometimes I control the money/ handle the finances, because he refuses to do it, so I told him I was sick and tired of dealing with not having enough money to pay our bills when he gets laid off, basically I would always be crying stressed out about it so either he could get on board or he was gonna handle finances, he only has a lil problem with it when he’s working crazy over time then he gets a lil more spending money, but I told him he better save some of that so when he’s laid off, he will have some spending money. 😁

[@sandyseibelhager7131]

Living on a Dime would say the same thing. "that's a marriage problem not a money problem-get counseling".

[@nikkikoz4720]

It's funny we're both Savers and Spenders in our own ways. I have a tendency to over spend on everyday stuff like buying too much food or make up or whatever especially if I think I'm getting a deal and my husband tends to overspend on bowling hence why we now have a bowling sinking fund and personal spending money. I don't ask him what he does with his and he doesn't ask me if I spent all of mine on beer, books, yarn and Starbucks which sometimes *mostly always* happens

[@AGoodBean]

We have personal money, but Mrs Bean also has my credit card 😅

[@AGoodBean]

How to afford the therapy when they spend the money before that? How to find time for joint therapy when you have a toddler and a full time job?

[@janefromthecountry1820]

Lydia, can I ask how much you keep in your 3-6 month emergency fund? How do you plan to pay for your next vehicle? Your next vacation, how do you save for it? Does your husband plan to quit his 9 to 5 to help you with your channel? Does your spouse do company match on 401k? Congrats on staying home with your babies!

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Our emergency fund is enough for us to live off of for six months if something happened to my husband's job. And no, he has no plans to quit. He has an awesome career with room for advancement and leaving that to do something as volatile as KZbin would be insane.

[@hypeszskii7516]

I need advice, my husband is amazing I love him so much, he earns a decent amount, after payday he spends his salary in 1 week, then asks me for money. I’m getting sick of this! What’s your view and what do you think I should do? By the way, just found your video, it’s amazing!

[@artcrytelevision]

It’s about restraint and control

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Self control. But never about trying to control your partner.

[@kimberlysidor9427]

Oh, I’m the spender. However, I’m also the budget maker and it gives me anxiety. I budget each of us personal money but it still makes me anxious. I hope that eventually goes away. 🙂

[@hypeszskii7516]

I need advice, my husband is amazing I love him so much, he earns a decent amount, after payday he spends his salary in 1 week, then asks me for money. I’m getting sick of this! What’s your view and what do you think I should do?

[@preciousprecious7581]

My fiance was like that and we fought every month about money, but iam slowly trying to get him on board to pay off debt and be financially free. I asked to give me atleast 3months to work on a better plan and do a budget together with our money combined and all our expenses combined and showed him how much money is left after that, and the possibilities we could achieve with the money left. He was shocked to see how much we have left. We also agreed on allocating personal pocket money to spend for our individual wants but keep the rest of the money working for us.

[@chrmar406]

I am the spender! very sad. I just don't make enough money to support my spending habits. I have tried to change and still working on changing. It has caused problems in our marriage. say a prayer for me. thanks for listening

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

Take small steps.

[@amberwright5734]

I still have a tough time with what my husband decides to spends his personal money on but I'm trying to work on it 😂

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

I am going to start singing Let it Go to you.

[@amberwright5734]

😂😂😂 my mom has said the same thing to me before when I've vented to her about something he's bought that I thought was silly.

[@letsbefriends9529]

I'm the spender, with a husband who can't say no to me...yes this equals financial disasters!!!

[@trishthaden6957]

Ok...I need a reality check. I'm a spender and need to be more disciplined in this area.

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

We all struggle in some area.

[@ak1351]

I would like your opinion Mrs Lydia?...after all the bills/groceries/gas are paid for...do u feel $150.00 a week per person would be a decent amount of money to live off of...

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

That seems like a lot of you’re not having to pay for food or gas.

[@ak1351]

@@TheRealLydiaSenn I got a not so good habbit that I spend 44 bucks on a week too...😌 but your right...I felt 150 was a bit much, just wanted to make sure! Thanks!

[@TheRealLydiaSenn]

The wonderful thing about budgets is that it's your money and you get the freedom to spend it how you want. And if you need more personal money to feel more in control, empower yourself to do that.

[@gooberpondue5700]

I wanted to say that "Dining on a Dime" youtube page is great they have a video about marriage and separate bank accounts it gives a lot of good information and I think you might like it

[@lilhayat]

Are you dictating and controlling any part of your relationships

[@kieranhimself3655]

Your spouse isnt a child but spends money like one

[@spike3346]

My wife is a spender.

[@audreykitzul1350]

My husband is a future planner and I hate it... I AM NOT A SPENDER BUT IF WE HAVE IT SPEND it