My STEM Family Treats Me Like An Outsider And I'm Going No Contact r/Relationships

[@luancosta199]

"and if we wanted to talk about problem kids then we should talk about her drug addiction because I wasn't the kid that had to go to rehab" GODDAMN

[@magiv4205]

That wasn't a burn, that was a straight up execution. OP took no prisoners that day.

[@Callimo]

Ooh, Op killin em with the truth!

[@CyborgCharlotte]

“Stop, stop! She’s already dead!”

[@littlesongbird4566]

As soon as he was done owning all of them I literally started bowing to my screen saying "My King has arrived!" In a horrible British accent. Seriously though what the hell is wrong with these parents! They made one kid their punching bag and push another one of their kids so hard that she resorted to drugs!!! Not to mention their whole attitude towards art and fantasy books goes to show how truly moronic they are. Sure they might have all the STEM degrees and careers but their worldview is incredibly limited which makes them stupid. There is an artist named M.C. Escher who was a mathematician in Geometry who use his skills and his creativity to make one of the most amazing pieces of art I've ever seen. A well-written fantasy novel cannot only immerse you in an amazing new world but can also have you reflect about ours. Hell even the oldest form of fantasy stories, like fairy tales can actually give you a glimpse into what the world was like back then. An excellent example that I can think of at the moment is the original Red Riding Hood. It was not only written as a warning to children to not talk to strangers but also a warning to parents about pedophiles which wasn't talks about back then. People like Op family truly frustrate me because they're missing out on so much due to their own snobbish attitude. Sorry about the long rant.

[@luancosta199]

@@littlesongbird4566 that's rich and elitist families for u lol. The most unstable ppl I know come from those families. Be it the punching bag or the golden child, the pressure is crushing

[@mracula1667]

Story 1 NTA: A parent calling their child “difficult” for mental health struggles hit too close to home. I hope OP is happy and thriving.

[@HonorWillow]

To be honest, it's worse than that, as I wouldn't call that mental health struggle whatsoever but a response to the current trauma happening at that time (being emotionally abused by their family). So OP was "difficult" for being a victim of their abuse! Great! /s

[@kichikitsu]

@@HonorWillow if a parent is calling their kid difficult for their mental health struggles, 9/10 those struggles are a direct result of trauma inflicted by the parents (also technically it was the sister that called OP difficult for his self harm, not the parents, but they straight up did not defend him at all so they're all complicit in that)

[@immapotato1]

they had another kid who was an addict and isn't considered a problem child so that was just a convinient excuse they latched on to

[@HonorWillow]

@@kichikitsu I’m pretty sure the parents were also the ones calling them a “problem child” which is the same kind of thing which is why all the family are the real problem!

[@kichikitsu]

@@HonorWillow never said they didn't call him a difficult child, just specified that they weren't the one that gave that reason -- it was the sister that said he was a "difficult child" because of his mental health issues. sister was the only one that actually gave a reason for him being a "difficult child" even though the reason was bs ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[@CanonSkyrissian]

they're not apologetic, they just need their scapegoat/black sheep

[@hunnykun101]

Not to mention OP blew up at a party where they had company over and OP exposure their upbringing to the company that was unaware

[@Schwiegermutter]

Now they need a new one. Message that druggy? Have fun, sister!

[@dionysus_adores]

They humiliated op all their life. This family can use alot of backlash

[@ineedhoez]

I think the dad does care

[@AndyyWithAY]

These AHs couldn't even take 5 minutes to congratulate and celebrate OP. You've accomplished something huge and amazing, but God forbid 2 seconds go by without talking about science. 🙄 Don't you know all your organs will destruct if you take a whole 2 seconds to talk about your own family member's major milestone and not science?? 🤐🤨🙄🙄

[@lista2308]

Don't you know you are a deliquent if you have to use a calculator on you math homework

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

Then they went "poor meeee" when they met up

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️Yeah she's an artistic genius and they are too blind to see it! She's just as smart probably even smarter than they are! IQ doesn't correlate to amount of degrees!!! She's brilliant and smart and creative and they deserve to be cut off

[@owl7072]

The way the dad tried to defend himself by going "I just don't read fantasy" Op doesn't read anything about the stuff they do, yet he still asks about it 🤔

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Hey can anyone see this I think I'm shadow banned

[@AndyyWithAY]

Not every time, but a good amount of the time if a child is self-harming it's due to something in their household. The fact the parents did zero self reflection just proves what OP is saying about them always treating OP like less than and like an idiot and burden

[@maggpiprime954]

THIS. Some of my son's childhood friends over the years self-harmed. I made sure that, no matter how low my income was, he could bring any of them over with minimal notice, and I'd feed however many sat at my table. I couldn't do anything for their home life, but I made damned sure mine was a haven, and welcome.

[@jackspring7709]

@@maggpiprime954 You're an angel. Thank you for helping those kids. :)

[@TheFoodGuideOfL]

Even if it's not, no teen is doing that to cause trouble... It's a (harmful) coping mechanism to deal with some sort of mental issue they're experiencing. The fix is identification of the cause and fixing that issue. Not "why is my child so difficult? They're such a terrible child". What disgusting parents to not see that as the cry for help that it is

[@coreymartin6486]

What's interesting is that the parents knew OR didn't care about the cause(school) of OP's sister's drug problem.....yet, continued to put the same burden on the younger sister(OP), even when they knew she was hurting herself. Sounds like very detached parents.

[@maggpiprime954]

@@jackspring7709 I did the only thing I knew how to. They were such sweet kids. There was only ever one who might've become.. problematic? But they were living in extreme emotional turmoil, so the manipulative testing of boundaries made sense. My son distanced that friendship himself in a very few months.

[@sylvestercat1898]

Story 1: “their colleagues were there” aaaannd there we have it folks! The ultimate reason why OP’s family was desperate to apologize. It’s likely that the parents have been spewing bs about OP like he was the worst child to raise while he was growing up to their colleagues; and OP exposing the truth made them ask questions. So, to make everything go away they were wanting OP to apologize/accept their apology so that way their colleagues could see that everything was “ok.”

[@eye-chan1711]

Story one: How can OP’s family be so smart, yet so dumb at the same time?

[@eevee9272]

It's called educational intelligence not social intelligence

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

It happens so often where people who are intelligent in one or a few areas automatically assume that they are experts in everything, which makes quite a few genuinely intelligent people adverse to criticism and change. Admitting that they hurt OP and that their children suffered under their strict parenting would mean that their legacy of STEM related expertise proved useless when it came to keeping their family together.

[@lunaticbz3594]

My father's not enough of a math genuis to have a theory named after him, but his math is behind the scenes in a lot of things around the world. He's incredible at the subject. (For anyone really gifted at math, learn coding and database management as well so your skill has really useful applications) His social skills are pretty terrible. The fact that he's a genuinely good person is why he can still have a good social life. If he wasn't particularly nice I imagine he wouldn't get the passes he needs for missing the obvious and social goofs.

[@jackchop1576]

Educated idiots are common.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@gregjayonnaise8314 This. I've tutored students in STEM who can barely read and write. Some people who are especially talented in one field get a big head about it and think it makes them brilliant across the board. All the fluffing some people get in the STEM fields doesn't help. Getting a publishing deal is a pretty major accomplishment.

[@hothotheat3000]

I don’t get why abusers always want hugs when the abused finally stands up for themselves.

[@backpug1228]

To make themselves feel better, so the can say, "hey, they at least hugged me, so its a sort of forgiveness on their side for, so I am not a shitty person after all and all is good". Yeah, Op should have pushed them all away and not let that happen.

[@poetryqn]

Honestly? I think they ask for a hug because they genuinely never noticed the problem until OP exploded. STEM folks can be remarkably micro focused. Of course, that unconsciousness is totally wrong, but the navel gazing 'pod' probably never even registered OP's pain. He was just 'different'. They didn't clock his pain precisely because he didn't act out. I think he's doing the right thing, cutting them out after years of neglect, but this is probably the first time the rest of the self-affirming pod got a metaphorical 2 by 4 over the noggin.

[@AndyyWithAY]

A difficult child because OP wasn't good at math and science 🤣🤣🤣 These people are so ridiculous it's cartoonish. We all have different gifts and talents.

[@Callimo]

Right! OP was obviously a more creative arts kid. But I suspect Op's family is part of a certain ethnicity that only wants to churn out doctors and scientists and not artists...

[@KCohere33]

And he sold a whole book in his early 20s. He’s clearly extremely talented and smart.

[@cuteandspookycritters8691]

Literally had my mom and stepdad tell me I was difficult to my face bc they never fostered the things I was actually interested in and pushed me towards math.

[@beageler]

I'd think she was a difficult child because she didn't do well at school and self harmed. Maybe at least try to understand people instead of being judgemental right off?

[@beageler]

@irresistiblechocolatebonbo5935 If you don't even understand what I've written...

[@jackchop1576]

The "I'm sorry you feel that way" energy of this family didn't change at all in story 1.

[@justkali97]

OP could come knocking on their door 30 years later and they'll still have that energy. They're far too smart and doctory to waste their time on petulant tasks like "introspection" and "self-improvement"

[@lista2308]

There was a line from the first story that just don't sit right with me. Well, nothing *but* the ending sit right with me when it comes to this story but- The part where OP said the "outburst" embarased family members infront of their coworkers. No, they got called out for treating a non-STEM person like a second rate citizen infront of their coworkers. Big difference. And that is not on OP Speaking as someone raised in a STEM family: ART IS JUST AS IMPORTANT and Fantasy is **the best** reads ever! I had a professor with 3 PhDs and all he would ever brag about was his *published childrens book series*. Getting a PhD is great and all but getting published is 😘🤌 I want to read OP'S book

[@crowdemon_archives]

Fantasy is, in a way, like applying STEM knowledge into hypothetical situations just to see what sort of interesting outcome would result lol

[@jevupettechatnoir]

Thats why a lot of top scientists insist on STEAM not STEM, because art has/is so heavily involved in engineering and biology.

[@lista2308]

@@jevupettechatnoir True

[@lsmith992]

Now imagine the reverse. An intelligent child in an average family. No help with anything available. No incentive to do well, no encouragement. Not allowed to stay at school and on to university - expectations to get earning as young as possible. That was my experience. And what was the worst thing - my achievements downgraded. "Your brothers could have done as well but YOU studied."

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "You didn't make it easy with your mental health issues" says the girl that had to go to rehab for a literal drug addiction yet still got placed on only the highest of pedestals simply because she's a STEM major I'd give anything for a publishing deal, but granted I'm nowhere near done with mine so that'll have to stay a distant dream for now lol

[@TheIronwil]

STEM Family: NTA, and I’m sorry to see the black sheep paradigm infecting so many families. I was the only adopted kid in a blood-related family. I have a genius level IQ and certain things came easy for me, like reading and math. But I’m also not neurotypical, so some things easy for everyone else were perplexing to me. Nothing I did was good enough. I was reading at a college level by the 5th grade, but my dad didn’t like the fantasy books I read all the time. He suggested I read history books - WTF??? I was 11 years old, and not terribly interested in history vs. my fantasy novels. Sorry for the rant, but it’s awful when a child has the tools to succeed, but the parents still don’t accept them as they are.

[@truthseeker9249]

I know how you feel.

[@AllenTax]

Yeah. It can be they are pushing themselves into you. Very unhealthy & damaging to you. Abuse really. Cutting out childhood and teen life events is very bad for growth of self to mature properly.

[@Spagettigeist]

Fantasy books are great! People who dismiss them, just because they're "not real" have a rather limited understanding in my opinion.

[@MydieLy]

And here is me, acing classes on Medieval history at university because I started to read well researched history-based novels at age nine. You _can_ learn things from novels. With the knowledge seeped into me without noticing while reading, I became very alert to overall context. And fantasy world are always images of some snippets of the real world. GRRM is a prime example for that. So many things of what happened in the early books was merely English medieval history with a twist. It always made me chuckle once I caught yet another parallel. Delving into fantasy worlds can teach you so much! Never apologize for reading fantasy

[@leaflet1686]

I would love a kid like you! Probably doesn't mean much, since I am only 24 and still struggle with what my family did to me. Just know that fantasy is awesome

[@TriXJester]

Last Story: The food waste would had me quoting my granny the very first time cus our family was below the poverty line for a long time; "You ever waste that much food in my house again, I'll smack you so hard you'll turn into the exorcist."

[@hellengomes6396]

my grandma is like that too, she loves having guests over and really goes out of her way to make delicious dishes, so she doesn't tolerate wasting food.

[@tallyp.7643]

Reminds me of one of my fave Olympia Dukakis lines from "Moonstruck": "Old Man, you feed those dogs another bite of my food, I'm gonna kick you til you're dead!" (he does a 180 with the plate right back to the table).

[@TriciaT2407]

Trust me when I say the friend is the total AH. Time and time again OP cooks and invites them over and he complains. If the food is so horrible and you wasn't invited, why bother coming over to go straight to the table to fill a plate of food you religiously do not like? This makes absolutely no sense!

[@Qui_1192]

Absolutely love how every horrible parent/family member goes with the “you’re being childish” response after they’ve hurt you. SMH

[@EluneAnzu]

I'd put money on that if the first OP becomes a famous writer the family's going to brag about being related to them despite OP (hopefully for their own sake) being no contact due to how they treated them and conveniently leave that part out.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Of course that's gunna happen I swear that irks me.

[@TonySamedi]

The STEM family reminds me of an older post where the OP had a family who only cared about "geek" stuff and ostracized the kid that wasn't into it. Parents really need to be ready for their children to not be copies of them and be into things they aren't into. My mom isn't at all into comic books, Sci-Fi, or anything like that. She didn't even like "Wizard of Oz" as a kid, but she drove me to the local comic shop every week for years. When we discovered a decent sized comic convention happening nearby, she bought 3 day passes for it every year as my Christmas gift. These stories make me so glad she's like that, that she may not have 'gotten' the stuff I was into, but she encouraged my love for it. If you cannot handle your children not being into the same things you are, you shouldn't be a parent.

[@poetryqn]

@TonySamedi, can I give you a standing ovation? As a parent myself, I am over the moon when I can stoke my kids' passions. It also gives them the opportunity to teach me - something every kid I've ever known enjoys when they know something I am totally ignorant about.

[@janicewilcox8590]

I had a bit of the same problem. My family isn't in STEM but I was the kid that stayed in school, didn't sneak out, didn't do drugs, mostly behaved, only wanted to read. But I was considered the difficult one because I wouldn't accept punishments for things my siblings had done. I wouldn't just roll over and take it. Serious case of middle child syndrome.

[@ladyvee2090]

Had similar issues. No partying, no drugs, no drinking, none of that. I had a hair trigger temper but that was likely a symptom of my, as of then, undiagnosed depression at the time. I stopped getting in trouble at school a year or so into Middle School when they started sending me to the counselor instead of detention. My grades weren't great but they weren't terrible either. One day my mom found out about parent teacher conferences at the last second. The entire time she was running around to get ready to leave she was screaming at me about how awful I was, how I made her want to kill herself. _Because of a damn parent-teacher conference._ Who the hell does that to their kid over something like that?

[@nottori7]

Whoever that tattoo artist, fantasy book writer OP is- they are amazing and their life outside of their squareheaded fam sounds magical. They should be so proud of themself.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#1 - The fact that OP's entire family is still not understanding his side even after the explanation of his feelings shows they are clueless or in denial. His mother certainly is like Leonard's mom on BBT - as if the son was an experiment that never gave her the result she wanted. I feel so bad for OP, but now that there is a chosen family who loves and supports him, NC is probably best. And as for who was embarrassed at that party? His parents should have been, since it showed they were shitty to OP for many, far too many years. To hell with them!

[@helar2574]

Story 1: The moment OP said about Leonard's mom, all my sympathy to her ex-family just went to drain. I'm physics major and i love have conversations about space travel and physics of magic with my friends, not all of whom is STEM, many of whom have liberal arts degrees. And i love learn something knew from them about history, psychology and sociology. We just complement each other in a way

[@dr0g_Oakblood]

OP is a guy. (25M) At the very least the family doesn’t seem to hold him being gay against him, but maybe he just didn’t bring it up.

[@TheFoodGuideOfL]

As someone in a STEM field, with a family that is primarily STEM... If anyone gave my younger sister shit for not pursuing stuff like that? Fuck no, that's getting shut down. As long as she's happy and healthy, idc what she does for work (I guess with the exception of something like a hitman, lmao) I'm glad that my family has gotten more open to other professions with my generation. I know my dad got hella flack for wanting to be a teacher instead of an engineer like the other men in the family, but overtime, viewpoints of the older generation thankfully seemed to soften. I can't imagine what OP went through. I already felt so much pressure based on the precedents my oldest sister set for us, and my parents weren't shitty about us not being as successful as her. Glad OP found their true family, because their original "family" was horrible

[@jasonmims5057]

I bet when the book becomes a bestseller and the person is making boat loads of money.....the family will come around.🙄😒😑😕

[@LisaApril]

Story two: who allows uninvited guests to enter their home? I think that’s actually where the problem Escalated. I would’ve said “sorry we’re a little busy right now. I’ll call you later Layla so we can plan our next get together“. Then I would’ve shut the door in their faces and locked it.

[@jenicdarling9425]

Right like don’t just let ‘em in cause of course they were gunna just dig in just peek ur head out and be like oh what are u guys doing here? Sorry but we’re in the middle of something! But they knew they were having their dinner party, could’ve said something like oh sorry we don’t have enough for any unplanned guests dropping by! Op should’ve been upfront & direct with the friend like go for coffee and talk to her about it and how it makes op & bf feel I mean he’s not just wasting large amounts of food, they spent money, time & effort making it only for him to throw in the trash and then insult them. Then Tell her like u need to talk to him about like get a smaller portion and he can always go back for more and to taste it 1st as is and if he wants to add then do it on a small amount 1st to see how he likes it. But if he’s gunna continue as he is wasting a lot of our food AND insult our cooking after HE ruined it then he’s no longer going to be welcome, u can come but he would no longer be invited. But sadly after the update seems like it was his plan to be horrible & get them uninvited. He sucks like he ruining her social events like her coworker together to make her have no social circle and be miserable enough to move back. It’s manipulation and selfish among other things, She should have him move back! Win win

[@Andrea.S.Alvey12]

2nd story: Way back in the time of dinosaurs (1967ish), my fourth grade teacher told our class about an experience she had. She'd been invited to a student's home for dinner. They served a meal that was heavy on onions, which she was allergic to. She ate what she was served as it was the "polite thing to do," and went home as soon as she could go without insulting her hosts. She suffered with hives and lumps for a few days. Her lesson was about manners, my main take away was to always ask about allergies, food sensitivity and strong dislikes. Op was NTA, but their uninvited guests sure were.

[@Spagettigeist]

Well... there's a HUGE difference, between not being ABLE to eat something without determent to your health and not WANTING to eat something. If you have allergies, you should say so. It's not rude, that's just life. Normally you should mention it before you get there... so that the host knows in advance, but if you were spontanly invited and there's something you can't eat... communication is key here. There's a lot of good ways to appologize about not being able to eat it, which any reasonable host would understand and accept. As a host, I usually also don't take offence, if someone really just dislikes an ingredient I used. People have preferences. But taking out a huge portion and then wasting it?! THAT is completely unacceptable. Just tell me if there's any problem and I see if we have a way around it, no problem. If we're close, you can even share your opinion on the taste and how to cook it better, I'm happy to improve and get new ideas on seasonings and stuff. But really... there's a right and a wrong way to do that. Just telling someone they're a "bad cook" and throwing out the food is not it.

[@WobblesandBean]

I feel bad for OP. Like him, I too was the black sheep. I was a gifted child, so my parents expected a lot from me. I struggled all throughout school, _especially_ math. I too was excellent in art, English, and biology, but math was just too difficult and I was regularly punished for it by my family. It crushed me, because even though I'm a prodigy in biology, zoology, entomology, and all macrobiology, I couldn't get my BS because it required calculus. I just couldn't pass, and I exhausted my course reattempts and placed on academic probation. I never graduated. Worst of all, I recently was diagnosed with ADHD, which explains a lot about my childhood. My parents NEVER bothered to get me tested, they just yelled at and punished me for doing poorly in school. Even now at age 40, my mom still treats me like a child, as if I'm not capable of being an adult just cuz I couldn't live up to her educational standards, and doesn't believe that I have ADHD or PTSD. I don't blame OP for going NC. Being published is _HUGE!_ Especially these days when anyone can publish on Amazon, it's *EXTREMELY* difficult to get published by a professional publisher.

[@nolav9280]

Honestly, I hate how the family is still trying to paint themselves the "bigger persons". 😒😒😒

[@Jessidafennecfox]

I am thankful my family understand my issues and the one problematic relative I have does try his best but can get irksome. However even they wouldn't like Op family.

[@nolav9280]

@@Jessidafennecfox I'm really happy for you. I have had a similar experience too, mainly with my father. But fortunately, that's more or less been talked out. It's still an issue sometimes but it's a lot better.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

@@nolav9280 Same my father thinks everyone needs to have a job, whenever I have one he says I can do better. I swear he's getting better.

[@nolav9280]

@@Jessidafennecfox I relate so much! I know he cares but it feels like nothing I do is ever enough.

[@aconvowithcrissee222]

Bro going to rehab and trying to bring up self harm is CRAZYY that sucks that she went through that but the response was deserved

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one just go no contact, go live a beautiful life. Have friends and enjoy your boyfriend. Art makes life beautiful, I don’t want to live in a world with no music no paintings no tattoos! I’d be thrilled to have you as a son. Stop listening to their crap!

[@astronautviolet153]

Story : 1 NTA Op need to go low contact or no contact. Novel publish accomplished this a massive success.

[@devchekhov7512]

Story 1: hugs for OP and congratulations for having not only a shiny spine, but a book deal as well! 🎉🎉🎉

[@GrayTimber]

Story 1; OP's parents calling their son a "difficult child" because he had difficulty in school and emotional trauma from the parents belittling and berating him... sounds exactly like my husband. To the T. My husband even wants to get into tattoo artistry and is writing a book. I happy OP chose to cut off his emotionally abusive/neglectful family. I wish I knew what book is his so I could read it in support, but I respect his choice

[@Tammohawk1]

Your empathy is only one of the reasons you are so successful at this narration thing you have going on. And the reason I enjoy and love listening to you so much.

[@lsmmoore1]

Story 1: Does this family realize that there is actually a fair bit of overlap between what goes into fantasy and science-related things? Apparently they don't. Never mind that there are fantasy novels written by STEM students (biology, at least in the cases I heard of) and that sometimes fantasy goes into science-related things and plays with what the science would look like in a world where a particular magic system is real. And sometimes fantasy even lands on science-related things by accident. And for these among reasons, it's hardly surprising that fantasy/sci-fi combo books are a thing, and not just niche, either.

[@crowdemon_archives]

(shhh, they don't know how much science and research an average worldbuilder has to do, and hell I'm looking into zoology because animals are hella neat research topic!)

[@PaintSplashProductions]

We should all give our congrats to OP 1 for getting a book deal. A lot of people, including me, dream of getting their book off the ground and getting success, that deserves a celebration!

[@Listrynne]

Obviously that "STEM" family doesn't know it's supposed to be STEAM now. Their loss. Good for OP finding a new family and following their dreams.

[@CyborgCharlotte]

What’s the A stand for?

[@Listrynne]

@@CyborgCharlotte arts.

[@CyborgCharlotte]

@@Listrynne You know there was a part of me expecting that answer 😅

[@beageler]

If the meaning of the term doesn't matter, why not add humanities and plumbing? And why call it engineering, smurfing sounds funnier.

[@Listrynne]

@@beageler maybe add a T for trades? STTEAM looks trendy. 🤣

[@LilChuunosuke]

*Story 1: not quite the same, but I came from a family very similar to this! My mother's side of the family STRONGLY believed that all men should work blue-collar careers & that women were meant to work in real estate, law, or medicine. Only desk work, though. If I were to stand at the defense's bench or be a surgeon, that would be wrong & shameful in their eyes. I was a smart kid, so they thought Id go down that route. But I've always had such a strong passion & adoration for the arts. I love to draw & write. They told me that when i reached retirement age, they would *ALLOW* me to draw greeting card covers. I ignored them. They tried to compromise by asking me to be a tattoo artist. I said i loved to bake. They said that was not a real career either & that I should get a business degree while I "was still struggling to decide." I said I wanted to inherit the family business & they told me that it was either going to my brother or being shut down. We do not speak anymore. When you invalidate your child's career choice & shame them for not following a tradition as pointless as working in the same career field, they will not want to stick around. Interests & passions are not genetic.

[@sam2x13]

Story 3. His STEM family should know that science fiction leads to science fact.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

S1- that's fucking brutal!!! Imagine having to give your sister/daughter a hug goodbye forever... damn that's some heavy shit to have to live with.

[@laowaistudieschina7470]

If OP in Story 1 wanted to be really blunt, he could ask how many people would actually read his cousin's PhD thesis. And, just to explain the point to his family of highly educated idiots, then ask how many copies of his novel are likely to be read with his publishing house deal. We're not comparing fruit here. We're comparing a Radio Flyer wagon to a Mercedes.

[@liabowden8526]

I find it interesting that Op’s description of their childhood experience sounds like mine of growing up with un-suspected ADHD… at least in terms of frustration. Everyone just assumed I’m a shitty irresponsible lazy person & pushed forward. Including me. Now I’m 45 and wondering what I could have been by now if only someone had figured it out & got me some help. Hey, at least maybe I’d hate myself a lot less. I envy you neuro typical folk, being able to control your ability to focus must be So advantageous! 😅💚.

[@lista2308]

Nah, we just got drugs to smooth over our symptoms. And lots of trauma from masking. But I agree, OP's childhood sounds like what most ADHD/Autism people go through. And the fact that the family didn't push for OP to get help, tells me that either they didn't do proper testing or they were too embarased to admit they had a neurodivergent in the gene pool. The horror 🤦‍♀️

[@Zino_Kohiruimaki]

@@lista2308 Like or he Just could be neurotypical and still not be academically gifted

[@lista2308]

@@Zino_Kohiruimaki Sure OP could be non-divergent. But if he struggled so much in school why didn't he get help **in school**. Why was it only family members that tutored him? that doesn't fit into the narrative his family wrote OP did mention that he was tested, and the docs found nothing.

[@princesssunshine874]

My psychologist said I could have autism, at age 19. I had been tested so many times before that point only to come up with nothing.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) OP did the right thing calling out their disgusting behavior. The nerve to say OP's acting childish only because they knew they were treated poorly for being different. Cutting them out sounds like a great idea to me OP. Of course they'd double down on their craptastic behavior. They wanted you to blame for them failing you. Cutting them out does nothing but make your life better from this point forward. Proud of you OP. Keep up the great work. S2) As long as the friend knows he's being univited and why I don't see the problem. Dude sounds like he wants things to complain about just because. So they showed up just because, made themselves comfortable and got their fee fee's hurt when told to leave? Yeah I'd fire back "After disrespecting us in our home over meals we worked, paid for and cooked your presence as well as anyone agreeing with you will no longer be welcomed near me, my home nor my family. Please check your entitlement." Then block every last one of them. How did I know he was the problem? Dude has the maturity level of a wet sock. As long as OP approaches this to Layla one on one with anything that proves captain jerkwagon is sabotaging her she needs to say "Look something concerning has been brought to my attention and I feel we need to talk about it." Remember to be supportive, understanding and considerate. What Layla says/ does afterwards will be the key on how you both if at all move forward. Just let her know her accomplishments which your proud of don't deserve anyone regardless of who they are to her diminishing them. Cause if this comes at the cost of her own future, happiness and well being what else will he sabotage?

[@connienelson1515]

They humiliated you first and I believe they are only trying to get back with you because of their embarrassment in front of their colleagues and friends. NTA.

[@EternalConclave]

God, Story 1 hit home for me. My brother was always the golden child and I was the freak chasing skills as useful as underwater basket weaving. My mother had untreated mental health issues her whole life until about five years ago after I moved out and cut ties with her for awhile. She's certainly changed and is trying to make amends, even compliments my works I show her now, but I will never forget the trauma she made me go through. So I'm proud of OP for moving on, especially when it's clear the family still thinks less of them. My mother, when I told her the harsh truth, cried and said she was sorry, explained she's getting therapy and such now and wants to form a bond again, but only on my terms. Its up to me to decide how close or if it even happens. She's learnt, it just took me cutting her off and telling her how horrible she was for her to get it. I wish only the best for OP

[@abm5119]

Story 1: Whenever people say you should talk about it it always makes me groan. Why? Why give them one last chance? Why do you have to prompt someone so that they know that they should treat you like a human, or you're never going to them again. Why shouldn't it be considered a given that if you don't treat someone decently, they will never talk to you again? NTA.

[@beageler]

Yeah, if both sides didn't communicate earlier, one side is the bad side.

[@wendyhadley2764]

Mark thank you for explaining STEM. I've seen the term used a lot in Reddit stories and other places, I've been curious about it but I guess I never cared enough to look it up.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

This is one of those stories that makes me wanna fight the OPs family. I hope they keep succeeding that’s the “best” legal revenge.

[@acatnamedtaz2167]

I love the user name in Story one, admirable emu, emus can only go forward. It's the main reason it's on the Australian coat of arms Keep moving forward OP

[@janda1258]

”She said it wasn’t easy with my mental health issues” Had I been OP Inwould’ve screamed back in their face ”YOU MEAN THE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES THAT YOU CAUSED?!?!”

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Said it once, and I'll say it again. If you CANNOT ACCEPT your child for their INDIVIDUALITY than DO NOT HAVE children!

[@nelly2958]

S1: theses people are emotionless robots. At this point why even want op around, they clearly don’t like him.

[@affsteak3530]

It's probably a pride thing. OP cutting them out means they failed him instead of being a lazy/stupid child.

[@kevinnaranek6649]

Story 1: For people who are allegedly so smart, OP's family seems to be both pretty dense and a bunch of impudent snobs. OP has gifts. Just not the same ones the genetic lottery dealt the rest of the family.

[@FredRated1967]

OP should tell the family that PhD stands for "Piled higher and Deeper".

[@Nerdificent]

For crafters, PhD stands for 'Projects Half Done'. I think that could relate to the one relative's PhD thesis.

[@crowdemon_archives]

@@Nerdificent I generally use "WIP" for that but PhD works just as well. 😂

[@WobblesandBean]

OP 2: NTA. What nerve to come to someone's dinner, _uninvited,_ only to bi†¢h at you for your cooking! You need to set the record straight with these mutual acquaintances, because CLEARLY Layla told a completely fabricated version of events.

[@jamiesatyr1309]

What I can't believe is how these a-holes go out of their way to destroy offenders on social media. Someone's rude, then complains to the world when called out. That's America for you. ;-(

[@Erebus04]

as someone with a Father that can't even fake having a interest in what I like let alone listen me as I go off about the latest parts of the story I can kind of understand where the first Story's OP is coming from but my Father doesn't treat me like a idiot just not the favorite

[@rayneingdown]

Early gang! I sadly know all too well about being treated as lesser for not going into STEM. I hope OP’s story has a happy ending

[@lizfritz6546]

I understand op a lot in story one. Whole STEM family (mostly - my mom was actually the first person on her side to go to college but double majored in physics and molecular bio), while I’ve got confirmed learning disorders that never got diagnosed until after I finished college bc my parents (dad especially) would rather think I was just not that great at certain subjects than acknowledge I literally couldnt learn right. I ended up at art college, which thankfully my family supported. But it has always been tense (for many, many reasons, but this is one). I’m smart and I know that. But trying to keep up in a family where my paternal grandparents BOTH have PhDs, my dad is a surgeon who coaches local math teams, my mom doubled majored in two science subjects back in the 90s, and my sister had plans to go to engineering school in Cali (+ all paternal family members also STEM or business + maternal cousins going into business or teaching) was and is exhausting. I could understand the math until the numbers were added in so I would borderline fail algebra but did fantastic in my calc class since it was more concept than computation. Math is literally anxiety inducing bc all I imagine is my dad yelling at me for not understanding how to do basic addition or screaming about how I should be better at it. I have always been the stupid one, the one who cant understand as quick. Until community college, when I decided to do speech and debate. Turns out I *am* an incredibly quick thinker and can break down arguments near flawlessly (bc you don’t need to know all the facts to take down an argument correctly) and am a wonderful speaker. Then I got even better when I moved away for art college (majored in social media). I was fantastic at so many things that were smothered and I will never forgive my parents for that. While they rarely made fun of my artistic endeavors, unless it was one they approved of (dance, photography), then they just wouldn’t praise or acknowledge it while praising the shit out of my sister. Or if it was something one of them was also good at (see: my mom with writing), then they would compare me to them and how wonderful they were at xyz but never anything about me. So those endeavors trailed off as I continued to be the odd one out. And I actually do enjoy much of what my family discusses and loves. I just can’t grasp it as quickly or learn it the same way they do/did. Like I now love talking quantum mechanics with my mom after listening to way too much PBS space time while working out and slowly understanding wtf my parents were on about. Shit is so cool!!! I just dont get it like they do. Anyway. I want to explain more fully and clearly but I cant right now. My parents did immense damage to me well beyond smothering what I was actually successful at and I plan on going NC once my paternal grandma dies (i know, odd trigger, but i promise it makes sense). Im thankful my family isnt like OPs but also know what they did to my passions still fucked me to this day. Btw i mean fucked by my parents like I have c ptsd, borderline, self harmed, cycled through eating disorders, for example. Adding that my family is also very much a DnD, LOTR, Star Wars family. Its the only thing we all have in common.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 when it comes to food I hold grudges. Time and love goes into cooking. It's okay to have food preferences, but to critique food like this when you're a guest and the host put in effort is unacceptable. 1. He's running the food without tasting it. 2. You were NOT invited 3. If the food is so 💩 why are you so hard pressed to rock up that you crash the party when you WERE not invited?

[@onurkneezb]

He was ruining the food on purpose, or he is a grade A moron, likely both.

[@jackchop1576]

I have a cousin like Lucas. I can't stand him tbh.

[@Magnarmis]

Mark gave the answer from one of the updates. He wants to sabotage his significant other's friendships to isolate her and gain more control in the relationship.

[@kaylalaster1038]

I love when OP stop trying to be nice at AH family members and finally choose violence! When OP told their sibling they werent the ones that had to go to rehab I SCREAMED! Problem child my ass, talk yo ish OP!!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@azizcalva-navarro6170]

Story 1: NTA, the parent's definition of "difficult" seems to be "if it ain't STEM we think you are not good" and/or "if we have to accommodate your differences you are not good". They are just lazy, closeminded, overthinking jerks.

[@crowdemon_archives]

"Overthinking" ... sure.

[@smorphous8928]

It’s always the parents who don’t take in their kids feelings consideration, and it’s the exact reason why Op cut contacts.

[@Taecoconut]

Story 1 is so sad: I bet you they will be knowing on OP’s door when the book gets turned into a movie

[@unicorn12345]

I’m in STEM and even I don’t like talking about STEM outside of work or professional functions. I’d be thrilled if one of my relatives got a fantasy novel published. A lot of my STEM colleagues are into reading fantasy, too, so not sure what is up with his family.

[@witchqueen1296]

Bro, I feel so bad for OP because I am a writer myself. But congratulations on your book deal, OP! Finishing a novel is an accomplishment you should proud of. Writers, unite!

[@RemusHolt]

Story 1 NTA I’m so proud of him

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

The moms “you were a problem child because we abused you and that’s why we abused you.”

[@aragnee1]

Story 1, I wouldn't have even hugged them!

[@coreymartin6486]

I remember being introduced to a girl by friends when I was 18. In that same meeting my friends encouraged me to be with her. I felt pressured and went along with it for a little bit. It never got physical(not even holding hands). She talked about her writing(fantasy) and give me her notepads to read it. To be honest, it wasnt good. However, I did talk to her about it. I didn't even like this girl who still very much seemed like a stranger.....and it seems I took more care into her feelings about her writing than OP's family did about her writing. I hope they reconcile in a good way at some point.

[@NightingaleFilms100]

#2. I had a wonderful mentor who told me “people with no insight, have no insight”. It doesn’t matter what we all tell the mom - she has no insight into understanding her actions and won’t get it. And she has now married someone who also has no insight. To back her up.

[@shanebrown4146]

Story 1,Am I the only one who thought if her novel takes off-the whole family will come rushing with open hands wanting money because the "loser" hit it big?! I did it (long haired metal singer/synths in became big local band)parents & my 3 MAIN cousins supported us MYSTERIUM. (My BFF JOHN passed 3 years ago drugs) "whole band always joked we should change our name to " Free Beer" - food for thought ;)

[@courtneywoodbury5198]

If I knew a person who was the 'creative stuff is a waste of a career' type, I would give them hell any time I caught them reading fiction, listening to music, or watching a movie.

[@Uneclipsed]

Another layer overlooked in story 1: If members of OP's family are operating at the educational level I think they might be, there is a good chance that some--if not most--of OP's family members could be published in academic journals. It would explain why they would be especially dismissive of someone who got published for something "less prestigious" like writing fantasy. Never mind that it's one of the most consumed genres in publishing. Never mind that getting traditionally published for any genre is a crapshoot. I have a friend with a father like this who doesn't understand the value of reading any kind of fiction. Lord forbid people choose to read for any reason other than academic purposes. Honestly, I feel sad for OP's family. All that education and absolutely no insight to their own family, whatsoever. I hope OP is able to find happiness and that family figures out a way to get their fats heads dislodged from their buttholes.

[@Uneclipsed]

Side note: Reading/engaging with fiction boosts skills like empathy and even critical analysis of media. Dollars to donuts OP's family would be better people if they read fiction on the side. Also, do they not realize that "the classics" were overwhelmingly works of pop-culture in the times they were written? Makes me SO mad when people make no consideration of what they're reading outside of the context it was presented to them in. It's truly waste of all that academic achievement if you then have no idea how to apply it meaningfully.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@Uneclipsed Understanding the "classics" would involve actually respecting the Humanities. OP's family clearly don't.

[@crowdemon_archives]

@@paulastiles5507 Also involves picking up humane nuances which... is something out of their academic field I guess.

[@bunnyslippers191]

Who goes to someone's home, gets a big plate of food, piles on half a salt shaker of salt *before tasting it,* complains it's "too salty," refuses to eat it, and throws it out? "Dude, of *course* it's too salty, or two spicy, or too whatever! You didn't even taste it before you poured salt/pepper/whatever all over it. It's rude and more than that, it's either stupid or deliberately sabotaging his own food so he can criticize it. The guy's either an idiot or trying to gaslight you and make you look bad.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: NTA. They call you childish? After resenting you and treating you and your choices for a career as something to laugh at. Hope their colleagues see them as what they are: failures at a being good parents for ALL their kids. Not very smart of them

[@patriciaalastre2546]

First story I would have left without any hugs, I went no contact with my toxic family as well

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- NTA, OP is about to be a published author! With a traditional publishing deal! That's freaking huge!

[@lawsonallen7741]

I come from a family a lot like this. They don't love you. Just stay away from them.

[@NeroTheDarklord]

God.... The STEM family story is once again one that hits close to home for me. Not because I was treated like a disappointed, but due to OPs comment that he doesn't miss them. I know compared to many others I was far from the worst upbringing possible, but growing up with my father screaming his head off at his computer or because he can't find things he put away immediately was intensely stressful. Sometimes I became a victim of his bad mood and was punished, though never physically. My mom never stood up to defend me. She let him rage and scream and he always defended his behavior as his right. I was near the breaking point when I finally got out and although I'm glad to see them every now and again, I generally don't even think about them. I thought being away from my family would be difficult but I genuinely don't even think of them most days.

[@justinchristoph3725]

First story: I've known of families like that. They are hung up on the prestige of things, appearances and bragging rights. Most of them are unhappy and live in constant fear of making a crucial mistake. More than a few had rebellious family members who couldn't take that and ran off. Seriously, the OP should just do what she's doing and just ghost them.

[@wolfielawless1819]

Story one: holy moly! Nta congrates on the book deal all the bests and I'm jelly because that too is my dream but i would never be hateful for someone elses success.

[@opal5138]

Mark hasn’t mentioned his hypothetical partner in a long while hope they are doing okay

[@SeattleMommy8338]

First story: his family members who are allegedly so smart sure don’t understand that humans are unique and have different interests. Sounds like they’re quite close-minded and have the EQ of a tree

[@davidmccurdy8911]

Story 1: weirdly my family is similar but from the opposite direction, when 25 years ago I told my mechanic father that I was giving up my factory job to go back to school to study computer science he told me he thought it was a bad idea because he thought that this "internet thing" was just a flash in the pan and would be gone soon ... However my Mum supported me all the way though to my graduation so at least I had that. All these years later I have had many jobs in tech and done some interesting things and the internet is still here :)

[@jerrymiller8650]

Story 1:NTA. You are trying to interact with your family with an absolute win for you! You're different from your family. Your interests are different from their's. Good for you for your accomplishments!

[@aileencastaneda3724]

I can relate to OP on academic achievements I wasn’t too good nor bad just average. Math was the biggest issue I always had a C or sometimes a D. I can never get it no matter how many sleepless nights, study sessions, and tutoring. Until 1 teacher went to a different route on her teaching that’s when I got it. My parents were not scholar league but they were better in math than reading/literature. I can feel the frustration and PTSD from OP, I hope you and your family are doing great. And congratulations on the publishing they should give out honorary PhD’s for that lol

[@lapsedgoth]

Story 2: Yeah I don't fck with food waste. You toss an entire plate's worth of food, you're not invited back.

[@samanthadetgen5041]

People saying a person who is artistically and literarily inclined is not an academic. Theres a reason were transitioning it to STEAM (science tech engineering ART math) because science without arts is like science without tech. They feed each other (science fiction novels fueling scientists who then go back to inspire writers, you think automotive designers arent artists??) Anyway, off my soap box to say OP is academic, just not jn a way her family appreciates. So anyone who calls her dumb because she cant do calculus is gonna catch my hands (same for any other artist/writer for that matter)

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

the fake seperation between stem fields and the humanities is one of the reasons we're failing as a society today

[@connienelson1515]

Congratulations by the way. That's quite the accomplishment.

[@sarahloveless1726]

10:51 THIS The opposite of love is indifference.

[@RedneckRealist]

As my grandma said, you eat the food that I've put in front of you and you'd be grateful for it. If you don't like it, don't eat it and don't show up. It's extremely rude to do that to hosts

[@susanlosey9511]

OP, I’m glad that you are into writing. I’m an avid reader. I hope some day to get ahold of one of your books. Writing is not easy. It takes a lot of research and lots of editing to bring a story to life. I’ve heard that some times your mind just doesn’t want to bring any words to your mind. Other days it just a flood. Best of luck in the future. You deserve the very best of future writing.😊❤❤

[@JohnSmith-xq1pz]

In long enough to back a truck load of Canadian maple syrup up over top of Mark 🚨beep...beep...beep...🚨

[@jordenvegas948]

I like how in the first story the family has no problem with the op being gay

[@tartlynerdy]

Story 1 - I've already heard this story. The moral is don't clap at somebody if you're not ready for that clapback. Story 2 - NTA. Lucas sounds like that kind of privileged, spoiled brat that never had to finish their meals and their picky eating habits were always accommodated. He acted out of line and then they turned it around making op look like a jerk. I'm always surprised how quickly people are to believe one side of a story without hearing the other. Op needs to rethink on which people are actually friends. Additionally, Lucas sounds like a toxic boyfriend. It's too bad the story doesn't go further after that.

[@Objective-Observer]

STEM Family ostracizes average student.- This was very similar to my life, but I was the Brainiac in a family of Blue Collar types. My A's were never good enough, because they weren't PERFECT scores. My academic accomplishments were garbage, because you will never use school again in your life. Learn to work with your hands: dirt never hurt anyone. I was yelled at for being arrogant [at 10 years old] for using my vocabulary word at home, and my father didn't know what that word was. My younger brother hated school; he couldn't do what he wanted to do and that was just plain evil. He shouldn't be forced to sit still listening to boring stuff. He shouldn't be penilized for not learning this stupid stuff [basic math, and reading.] Oh, this started in 1st Grade, and never stopped. I became his mortal enemy, because I could easily learn all of my studies. It didn't matter that I worked harder than everyone else to get the better grades; I made him look bad and that made me just plain evil and the mandatory punishment for the rest of my life. The No Contact is a MUST with Narcissists. You cannot win with them; you can't compete with them. They will always, always, always take great pleasure in your misfortune at their hands. The OP is correct: what improvements to your life, does your toxic family bring, when comparing it to the multitudes of friends and audiences that love you and your work.

[@PM-ov9sg]

Not sure about other place but the schools in FL have three columns for grades. The first for your grade in class, second for the effort you did in class, and third for behavior. Personally if I had a kid who got an F in a class in the first column but the other two column where good marks I would be upset but I would see if there is a way to see if I can help them raze that grade and let them know that it ok that they did bad if they tried there hardest.

[@Swnsasy]

Story 2: What kind of idiot is the boyfriend? Lucas sounds like he just wants ATTENTION and loves trying to make others feel so bad... You know what else irritates me so damn much with friend groups and family getting ONE SIDE of the story and IMMEDIATELY taking the side of that person.. I don't give a damn about the story until I get both sides because like a pancake, no matter what you do to it, it has 2 sides!!

[@Tammohawk1]

1. Small minded people is what OP's family is. Because if you can't see what else is going on around you, your mind is very small. I'm not a stupid person, but I too struggled in school. Math and I just couldn't get along. 2. I think after the second or third time of jerk off boyfriend pulling that stunt I'd be hiding the salt and pepper shakers. lol. But then, I can be petty that way when the mood strikes me. I probably would have said something to him the first time after that nonsense. So, this guy is trying to sabotage his relationship to get her to move back from where they were? That's going to backfire spectacularly.

[@jerrymiller8650]

Thank you for sharing a great video! Big hugs and much love!