My Wife Makes WAY More Money Than Me (I Feel Insecure)

[@jimv77]

Recently I left Software Engineering and took a 50% paycut to work at home in Supply Management. My wife got a 40% raise at a new job across the street in the medical field. She now makes 3X more than me literally. I threw my ego out the window YEARS AGO before all this. She knows I will retire before age 50 and she is fine working til age 59 since she finds purpose in her job. I'm a money guy who handles the finance and investments for our family. We're a team and that is all that matters.

[@alluringbliss4165]

That’s great, a lot of men have ego problems

[@TonyCox1351]

I think I’d have an ego problem. Not saying I couldn’t get over it, but at least at first, I’d need to work through it. Good on you guys for being a success story

[@DarylClarke-cq1nl]

Marriage won’t last

[@em34ev3r]

Thats good, at least you're capable of bringing in money for your family.

[@starlingswallow]

Yes, Jim!! You rock as a hubby!!!❤ proud of you and your wife~ you two make a great team!!

[@sp-cn8pm]

I appreciate him for facing this. So many guys just turn angry and hateful about it, my dad and some ex's included.

[@brightpage1020]

I think these days this is becoming a very common problem. Glad it's being discussed openly here. I bet it's a shame a few guys have but would never say.

[@JustinCase780]

@@brightpage1020 It's VERY common. *sarcasm* Men hate it when their wives are successful. Said no normal dude! 😂

[@name9601]

@@brightpage1020 anger/hate = loud insecurity this their only value and/or as need to hold over the other. shame is inward only comes from belief learned behaviour.

[@neisci]

I think it has always been discussed. Social media just amplified it. Men for their majority cannot cope with their woman out earning them. It takes a very special kind of man.

[@RalstigRacing]

I think it has to do with societal norms. Where the man is the “breadwinner” and should make more. My wife makes much more than I make. I’m good with it, but it did take a bit to get used to as I didn’t feel like I was contributing equally financially. After communicating with my wife about it, she helped remind me that I contribute in other ways. Doing chores around the house, fixing stuff, helping with other odds and ends that would otherwise cost money.

[@jt9058]

Men say they would love this situation until it happens to them…

[@Melissa.712]

Well, they are beta males & simps.

[@videofan1010]

Men annoy the bejesus out of me, I swear to God...

[@ST-rj8iu]

Yep. They want a SAHM but then cannot pay the bills and complain. They blame feminism for not going to school and making 40k a year. You make more than them, and they complain. You emasculate them with your success.

[@ufchighlights1]

Yeah right. Let it happen to me, we will be ballin together.

[@KendraSmith087]

They say that till their wife loses all respect for them and leaves and they don’t understand why.

[@handsomethanos]

Dr. John handled this call perfectly. This caller was absolutely me. My wife made more than double my salary for years and I also felt inferior at times. However, not once did she ever mention it or use her ability to earn as a weapon. What we have is a partnership. We are in this together. I recently got a better job at a higher salary and I joked about how I’m finally earning a living and we had a quiet joke and that was the end of it. Money cannot be equated to success and I never once was treated like I wasn’t pulling my weight. She has always treated me as an equal. I am blessed to have married well. She is truly my better half.

[@MrMistajone]

I disagree. You’re obviously a less traditional / liberal / beta male. The women should never be the bread winner. It’s a man’s job to defend & lead the household & that includes finances.

[@relaxwithme__]

So amazing ❤

[@cniknik9863]

That's so awesome

[@dakotaflower5926]

Dude, you went into Education to help others grow. Your wife knew what she was marrying. Your not some loser not going to work to earn more. You chose a field you knew you weren’t gonna make an abundance of money. Women care more about a man who goes to work and has purpose - you have it. Own it. Good luck brother.

[@proudatheist2042]

Not all women. Most women want a man who earns more money than them. The women that I have seen that are married to men who make less money than them aren't attractive women, so they didn't get to choose the most desirable options for husbands.

[@user-zy9yg2eu5t]

I've reported this comment for disinformation

[@EmilyWhite2013z]

@@proudatheist2042 I think what’s hard for some breadwinning wives, is the resentment from their husbands. It’s easier to be in a relationship where a man makes more, because that resentment from the man isn’t there. I’m really lucky my husband doesn’t have an ego, because I made more than him for awhile and he was always cool with it. He was like, “more for us.” And now he makes a little more than I do, and I agree with him. It’s us, the team, not him vs me.

[@puclopuclik4108]

​@@proudatheist2042 Because most women earn too little. Women who have enough don't care, because they have what they need.

[@TatianinDen]

I make 4 times more than my husband. He is the best man on this planet. It is not about money, it is about what you bring to the table in your family. He brings soooo much - love, protection, care, support, help with children, taking care of our home together, kindness, wisdom and calm! Man is not a wallet….it is human! You leave with human in your marriage! Sending love to my husband ❤️❤️❤️so proud of you

[@jones2277]

i recently saw my uncle disparage his wife about studying to pass the bar now that their kids are grown and out of the house. they met in law school and graduated together. for all i know, she had better grades, but she took a back seat and became a SAHM so he could become the lawyer, a career he eventually left. they have only ever spoken glowingly about each other, so i tell you, the crack i felt in my heart when i saw him ridicule her publically for studying to pass the bar. why not help her study? why not clear out a space in the house for her study materials? i just don't understand men's logic sometimes.

[@jonathanrocha2275]

Come on, not all men are the same

[@LisaLisaCJ]

@@jonathanrocha2275 most of you are. When I was a sahm I was a lazy baby maker. Then when I started going to school I wasn’t paying him attention so he cheats. Can’t win for losing . Well he married his mistress and is broke and I make more money than him now. Pretty good for a bum at home wife and mother to his kids. 😂😂😂

[@RealityCheck1993]

​@@jonathanrocha2275No one's saying it's all men. They are saying that THIS is a particular form of criticism that comes from men, when it does come up. And it makes sense. Men are the ones pressured to be the financial breadwinners of their household, so obviously they're the ones most likely and most often dealing with thoughts and feelings of inadequacy if their partner makes more.

[@CyeOutsider]

The logic is easy to figure out. It's: me, me, me

[@kathrynperry992]

​@@jonathanrocha2275Most are....

[@UTOT222]

You are young, build a life together! Men you are SO much more than a paycheck. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the support of my husband. Money is important but no amount will ever erase your insecurities. You are valuable. Wishing this caller the best.

[@ineedhoez]

They should be more than a paycheck. Most aren't though.

[@LedZedd]

​@@ineedhoezSpeak for yourself.

[@smustipher]

I would LOVE it if I were married and my spouse made more than me. It would mean more money to save and advance. Competing with your spouse is never a good idea.

[@rares0128]

if you're a guy, no you wouldn't. we are emotional creatures, not rational, and your emotions dictate that you as the man should be the provider. end of story

[@sanyundekou9332]

One thing you cannot do in a marriage is be in competition with your spouse. You're in it together. Definitely kick your ego out the door.

[@angelica7236]

In a marriage or relationship one person always makes more money than the other. Doesn't make you less of a person.

[@isay207]

Not if you're a grownup

[@ineedhoez]

If one person makes $105,000 and the other person makes $101,000, they are on equal playing fields. We're talking about significant wage gaps that result in an unbalanced financial dynamic in the relationship. It creates a power dynamic. Don't be intellectually dishonest. You understand the concept.

[@angelica7236]

@ineedhoez um ok..... that's what I'm saying. If I have a top position at a law firm and my husband is a manager at Target , that's a huge difference in money. But that doesn't mean an automatic problem . Communication, understanding and agreement in finance is the key.

[@scratch57]

women are not attracted to men who are less competent then they are. income is the primary predictor of competence so women are never going to desire a man who makes less than them. she married him because she believes he will change, not because she's attracted to his low income.

[@tinah7088]

I’m going through this with my boyfriend. I’m make significantly more than him. Everything was fine at first then he started acting different. Little comments and jabs. He finally said he felt insecure and felt like he was competing with me. He was feeling jealous because I already made more then I got promoted and make even more. It’s rough. I try to support him but I can’t stop being me. It’s like women can’t win no matter what we do.

[@impactfully5714]

Unfortunately, it doesn't go away unless he deals with what affects him deep down.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

In reality what's happening is your looking for an excuse to trade up men. I guess it'll just be a coincidence when your next guy just so happens to earn more then you and your ex, huh?

[@user-mf9yl2pf3v]

⁠@thanksforreadin So? Why should she be with a man who’s doing worse than her? A woman’s man should be someone she can look up to, someone who can lead and guide her.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

@@user-mf9yl2pf3v and that's perfect fine but everything has a cost. The price of hypergamy is polygamy, so when a woman chooses to leave her man for a better one that "better man" also has more options that's he's going to exercise and she'll need to be OK with him having multiple women, I mean why should that "better man" settle for just having 1 woman if he doesn't feel like it?

[@Creamingnuns]

​@@user-mf9yl2pf3vwhat @thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346 says is true, when a woman holds no loyalty to her partner and willingly trades them up the man has the right to do the exact same thing and have multiple women. What's fair is fair... right? 🤨

[@quarterlimit5838]

Why does he CARE what ex girlfriends think?!

[@jeffmartinaz]

I'm in a very similar boat. I'm a college professor making $85k on a good year. My wife doubles my salary blindfolded and is twice as intelligent and WAY better looking than I am. I've always felt like she settled. But, I know she loves me. I know I love her. And, I couldn't give a rat's ass what the rest of the world thinks. This is one of the better calls I've heard from John. I definitely took some advice to heart here.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Make sure you update us, statistically it won't last.

[@tatianasims9117]

Yea when a man usually feels like this they make the woman pay… chip away at her confidence

[@TroyP20]

No disrespect but if your wife can’t look up to you as a provider and protector it will come out in other ways like less passionate sex

[@johnspence5689]

85k? Bro you’re making bank. Where are you from? Cali?

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Relationships, work, etc doesn’t solve the problems, it reveals them.

[@HitmanChase]

I feel like that’s a good problem to have. Right now my wife is in nursing school, I’m so excited for her to graduate and find work so we can be a double income household.

[@flightsnotfeelings5867]

This. I graduate in a few months and currently per hour I make more than my husband but I’m part time while he’s full time. So he is bringing home more until I go full time. He cannot wait until that day because that means we can finally not be living paycheck to paycheck.

[@ineedhoez]

Uggh... sounds like your wife is a benefits package

[@ShariWalker-f9n]

My husband and I are in the same boat. I retired from the military so with my pension and my salary now I make about 3 times more than he does. We combine finances and I can’t imagine thinking less of him. He is literally the hardest worker I’ve ever met and I love that about him. Friends make jokes about him having a ‘sugar mama’ but I know it doesn’t bother him

[@TroyP20]

It probably does he just doesn’t talk about it like most men.

[@neisci]

​@@TroyP20 or it doesn't bother him. Some men are special like that, they dont let such things dictate their value.

[@TroyP20]

@@neisci yes u could be right but on the law of probability for most men. They would absolutely have an issue

[@leabeauty837]

It’s a bit different when you’re at retirement age. He’s probably done his half (at least) for the majority of the marriage.. so when it comes to you 50s/60s.. those sorts of financial differences don’t matter. Would be the case if you were in your 20s/30s like the caller

[@tinah7088]

@@leabeauty837dude people can retire from the military at 38. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@kmb5678]

This happened to me. I started making 3times what my ex-husband did. On the surface he supported me. But behind closed doors he treated me terribly which i think was because of his insecurities. I forgave him for sexting a woman, then for flirting online with an ex, then for getting fired for sexual harassment, then i found a dating profile and just shut up - never mentioned it. He worked full time but smoked marijuana which eventually became a daily habit. He stopped taking me out or surprising me. I was trying to work a demanding job to provide a better life for us, bigger house in a nicer area, nicer cars. I looked after the kids and kept on top of the housework and paid 70% of everything. Until i realised nothing i did would ever be good enough and i had a mental breakdown.

[@brightpage1020]

Did you steal his thunder as a man with all you were providing? Or did he ever develop the desire to provide in the 1st place? I find many of the more recent generations feel that for a man to want to provide for a family is a shame now when it used to be an honor.

[@shawnlove4502]

​@@brightpage1020Steal his thunder....? He's insecure, men always want to provide more. That's how they are.

[@kmb5678]

@@brightpage1020 his thunder is not mine to steal. he earnt more for the first 8years and everyday he would leave the house and jokingly say to the dog and kids "i need to go to work as mom doesnt earn enough". When the roles changed i never threw it in his face as i knew how it felt. He stayed at the same company for over 10years, on the same wage, as he was comfortable and he never wanted a career. I didnt either but felt i had no choice if we wanted to escape the council estate. Then all the other behaviour started.

[@FrankS111]

@@shawnlove4502 ugh those awful men wanting to provide for their loved ones! They are just such disgusting humans!! 🤪

[@brightpage1020]

I should have started with what I thought would be obvious: I'm so sorry that happened to you. What a nightmare. That sounds awful. What a cad of a character he was. I'm grateful and relieved you could support yourself right outta that heck hole. Admirable choice, though certainly not an easy one. Sounds like you hitched your wagon to a dud bound for trouble. Ooops. Many of us learn the hard way sometimes how to recognize people who don't yet know who they are and avoid them because it's punishing to be close to them. It's destabilizing as it was in your case. I'm glad you realized and got out before that abusive behavior got worse. Phew! Do you still resent him so much it felt necessary to throw his addict bum under the proverbial internet bus here? Or are you in a better place, now, no thanks to him? Or because you learned how valuable you are, what you are capable of and no longer willing to accept?

[@AlphaphenomenonGaming]

This was very well handled and why I enjoy listening to Dr. John Delony. Just finished his book "How to live a non-anxious life" and enjoyed it. I resonated with this man so much. My fiance (we're set to get married next August) loves me and never, ever lies to me yet because of childhood trauma and abuse I have such low self esteem and I don't want to marry her knowing that she loves me more than I love myself. I am working on my anxiety/depression/self worth and hopefully one day, I'll finally look in the mirror and believe that I deserve to be alive and loved so incredibly much by my beautiful fiance. I won't give up and I'm going to break my generational curse. Wonderful message in this video.

[@sarahgrohmusic]

Getting to the core of believing we are enough. He has to dig down and believe and then…take to steps.

[@JKNat9004]

True. Human beings don't come with a price tag.

[@xyznumber123]

I am so thankful for these calls. I have experienced this multiple times in my life when I was dating.

[@NoOne-wt3sv]

I’m glad he was brave enough to admit this publicly and seek counsel. This will be a growing insecurity as we evolve in society.

[@CyeOutsider]

The problem is men complain that women won't date them because they don't earn a lot of money. But when a woman earns more than them, they feel emasculated and insecure and start cutting their wives down out of resentment. Women can't win.

[@abigailloar956]

Gosh he sounds like he is on the verge of a break down. He is going through more than just an insecurity for making less. He doesnt value himself. I really hope he sees his value and doesn't destroy his life over this. He sounds like a good man.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

No he's worried that she's going to cheat on him and leave. It's so funny how women avoid the fact that women who earn more are 40% more likely to divorce, the main reason being money😑

[@lotusfire9429]

John, you knocked this one out of the park. Love the way you walked him through stuck to a forward direction with optimism. He even found his laughter by the end!

[@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86]

I own a business and my wife makes more money than me. I don't care. Her money is just adding to the amount of money we both can spend.

[@michaelbuckwash2412]

Great comment. This guy, though, does care… why post about you when a guy is seeking help?

[@Ralph_Kreutzberger-Blumenfeld]

@@michaelbuckwash2412 You sound miserable 🤣

[@scratch57]

so he's got his eyes open while you choose to be blind. cool I guess? almost all women in your wife's situation divorce their husbands.

[@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86]

@@scratch57 if all my wife cares about is money don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

[@scratch57]

@@extremecarpetcleaning-wvwi86 sex isn’t the only thing you care about, but if she never provided it better than your right hand you’d not want her. Romantic sentiment is not enough to sustain a relationship.

[@jungersrules]

As long as my husband loves me and treats me like he loves me, I'm good. I don't care as long as he finds work that he loves to do and doesn't let his ego get him, like this man is doing. But, this guy is asking for help, so I have a feeling he'll do his wife right and get this issue taken care of.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

The thing is that we, men, are supposed to be the provider and the protector. So when you are married with a woman who is stronger than you or who earns more money, you will feel less of a man. Very few men wouldn't be bother with it. They may say that they don't care but it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care. Of course, the solution is not for the wife working a less paying job. In these situations men need to find a different role in the family where they can feel that they are needed. IMO...

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@sfappetrupavelandreino one is really "needed" tho... healthy adults don't actually need a partner. A partner can be a great thing but anyone who has a need to be needed is already down bad.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

@@sfappetrupavelandreii agree, and definitely think this man needs to maybe make sure he is contributing to his household in a way he can feel matters (as in, if his wife makes more and is taking care of him and the house that can be an issue). He needs to make sure he knows himself and is a good partner. It can be hard, but money isn’t the ONLY way to provide

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

@@RepentImmediately You may be surprised to find out that we all need to be needed by others. This is how we were created.

[@MC-xp6pc]

My husband made more than me initially while I was going to school and he was very supportive. We combined everything right after we got married and so it was never my money it had always been our money, our bills… now that I make more it has not changed anything.

[@dp1202]

What was so interesting about this call is all of his insecurities had nothings to do with his wife. They were from past experiences that he is projecting into his current relationship and the wife is the lucky person who gets to deal with it. I had relationships like this where the man was competing with me and although I didn’t do anything different he acted different with the snarky comments and jabs. It gets to the point where you feel guilty for even sharing when something good happens to you. Its no way to be in a relationship and it will eventually take its toll.

[@MerandaYt]

This is so wholesome..❤ Honestly, people are so materialistic and shallow these days that they just go out handing traumas to young people, i wish we had a lot of people like you dr John, we young men and women are craving a balanced wise role model, thank you for being one of the most important people in my healing journey.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

A balanced role model who casually avoids the topic of statistics?

[@reginasemenenko148]

I made more money than my hubs for many years and about a year ago I took a different job and he earns a little more. Our money goes into the same account and it's never been an issue.

[@Ja50nkAt]

I need a wife like this!

[@tomnohmy1273]

Bullying can have a huge affect

[@RepentImmediately]

And that's why you work through your issues before marrying.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

Yeah... Curious how Dr. D treated this as nothing.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

I love how this call ended....great job Dr. John.

[@javiermorales365]

As long as your wife loves you, respects you, puts you as her husband money means nothing. But if you see your wife looking at successful men and you start questioning things that’s when the problems occur. But as a man your goal is always to better yourself.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Women don't respect men who aren't better then them. I love hoe no woman here will even touch the topic of hypergamy yet it's been factually proven that women engage in it.

[@Gabster1990]

And guys wonder why a lot of women don't want a husband who makes less than them.

[@CyeOutsider]

Yep. Earn less, you're called a gold digger, lazy or unambitious. Earn more, and they feel inadequate and insecure and don't want to date you. Can't win.

[@Koraeffect]

I learned from my parents that it’s not about how much you make, it’s what you do with the money, how to invest in building your family foundation. My parents balanced each other, when my mom cried to my dad about how much she didn’t like her job my dad cared more about her happiness and told her to quit, he would carry the weight. Now my mom makes more money than my dad and he loves it. He held a steady consistent job while my mom took chances in the financial career field. They always took care of each other. He retired 2020 and my mom works two days a week now. I wanna find a partner like my parents have. ❤

[@BlackMenAreDope]

When I met my wife, I was debt-free aside from the mortgages on two homes and had $40,000 in savings. On the other hand, she earned more than I did but had no savings. After we got married, and from day one post-honeymoon, we’ve been debt-free ever since. I still manage our finances, but it’s never really been about the money. It’s about the two people involved and the commitment we make to building our future together.

[@kayjeffs3741]

The real reason why some men feel insecure with their women making more money is because they feel like the person who makes the most money has the most power in a relationship. Its a power thing. She's out earning him and its feels like getting beat up by a girl...

[@coxrocks25]

Not true. Men for millennia have always provided for women. There's a deep biological urge for most men that would take millennia to weed out if it could be at all. We need to stop denying biological realities of the differences between men and women. We're not atomized beings that can just be interchanged like car parts. We are complimentary beings with roles that we naturally gravitate towards.

[@marquisstrongchild7535]

Well it's also because society has subtly taught men that they are less of men when they are not the breadwinners.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

Both these answers sound correct. And stupid. But hey, since women had to stay home Before it makes sense either way.

[@coxrocks25]

@marquisstrongchild7535 again though you have to come back to why society teaches that. Because for many millennia, a man who provided for his family was able to survive and was rightly someone to be emulated. Now the feminist movement wants to change this. I don't think it can be done at all but even if it could it would take many additional millennia. You're basically trying to role back the entire history of human evolution

[@kayjeffs3741]

​@marquisstrongchild7535 well yeah, because before women didn't have rights and were forced to stay home...so yeah...

[@cathy7824]

I feel bad for his wife, I hope he discusses this and resolves it. She should feel good about herself and what she's accomplished.

[@brentayers3132]

I don’t have a problem with a man who feels this way, but it’s up to him to elevate his income, not hold hers back. Your job as a husband is to encourage your wife, not feel threatened by her. My gf and I have see-sawed back and forth in our relationship as to who makes the most. When she was making more, I told her she could do anything she set her mind to. And if it took extra time to learn some things for a season, I was happy to pick up the slack. When I was negotiating a promotion, she helped me reason through sticking to my demands, even though I got a lowball offer to start with. When they said, x was all they could do, she helped me reason through calling their bluff.

[@charles17508]

God dam I feel his pain and dr. John is awesome

[@Reshme77]

Well at least he admitted he has a problem

[@garfieldGG]

My wife makes a little more than me right now and she’ll make a boatload more than me in the future. Just let it happen my man, we don’t have the kind of ridiculous pressure to provide that all the other men have to deal with.

[@melmel7011]

What a very weak man mindset this is, you lower than low. Its ouk to accept your wife makes more, but to have the reason you have to be ouk with it is ridiculous. Your wife would deeply be hurt by this reasoning.

[@scratch57]

the "other men" are dealing with it because they don't like being children.

[@puclopuclik4108]

​@@scratch57the other men will be divorced. Workplace is place for compensation Home is a place for cooperation. Once the couple is competing, the relationship is over. It isn't his or her money, it's their money.

[@scratch57]

@@puclopuclik4108 "Workplace is place for compensation. Home is a place for cooperation" I like that

[@KE64238]

Don't worry about your income, just work on making yourself the best person you can be. Be a "trophy husband"!

[@jungersrules]

Smart man! All a wife, heck all anybody wants, is a husband who respects her, listens, and loves her and treats her as if he loves her.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

What man would want to be a "trophy" husband? A male feminist. 😂😂😂

[@jones2277]

bingo!

[@neisci]

Exactly that. He's worried about the wrong things.

[@mastermindslt1982]

A trophy husband....???

[@songbird2297]

I'm in this dilemma...my husband can't figure out what he wants to do. I have a good paying career, he's 41, has his degree in I.T. and that's what he was doing when we met but he doesn't want to do that anymore. He now works at the school doing student enrichment for the after-school program and he LOVES it but it doesn't pay sh!t. I want us to be debt free but it's going to take me forever to pay it down with how much he makes. I love him and I love that he loves what he does but it doesn't pay....I'm so torn.

[@BitterPeachh]

Accept the fact that your going to have to pay for everything.

[@songbird2297]

@@BitterPeachh he bit the bullet and got a really good paying job in IT woot. Hopefully he will enjoy it 🤞🏼

[@skateata1]

I also do tuition reimbursement right now at my job. I work in financial aid so everyday I work with people on managing their loans. It's rewarding and stressful.

[@foedeer]

I also work in academia and can understand the environment. It does test your self worth. But if his wife is making more money, now is the time to be ruthless and go after what he finds most fullfilling and financially rewarding. He clearly has passion, need to work on execution which will require many failures. Hope he can see that life is giving him space to make the most of this opportunity.

[@margotk538]

My pastor at church has the right attitude about this. He know that his job as God’s servant is never going to be a high paying job, and it’s not his life goal to make a ton of money. He has a loving wife who makes more than he does and also manages the finances for the both of them. He is happy, have two accomplished and smart sons, and loves and respects his wife a lot. He is now financially secure, and focuses on serving God and the congregation while his wise wife make sure they have enough for retirement. I never once think he’s less of a man because he makes less than his wife.

[@mamajojovegan]

This man is about to brew storm in his marriage with his own insecurities. His wife is making three times his income, she does not disrespect him, does not complain, does not make him feel bad, he is bringing his childhood trauma on an innocent woman. A wise man will appreciate his wife and go to counseling to work on himself and find ways to start self developing , getting more education or reading books.. She did not stop you from making more money. She never stopped you from going to school and putting in the work. Competition about to start before you know it, he will start resenting an innocent good woman. Develop yourself. It has nothing to do with your wife. Go fix yourself. I hope your wife is not married to her enemy.

[@fh1980ram]

Women who make more money are more likely to divorce their husbands.

[@FindMeOnABeach]

This is a prime example of: As women, we CANNOT WIN - no matter what we do. This marriage is already doomed. He will always blame her for his deficiencies. They are newlyweds, and he is already trying to blow this thing up. He should have worked on his crap BEFORE they married. This guy is toxic, and his wife will never be able to have peace in this marriage - EVER.

[@JustinCase780]

​@@FindMeOnABeachMaybe express how you really feel. 😂

[@anneshirley9560]

@@FindMeOnABeachexactly. They get resentful if we make more or less than them.

[@FindMeOnABeach]

​@JustinCase780 Just speaking from real-life experience. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@yenibobenny]

Gosh, I wish my father would have had a friend like Dr. Deloney.

[@amyitis]

He better fix those insecurities. Insecure men tend to cheat with someone lower than them to help feed their ego that theyre back on top, back in control. Get rid of the ego and embrace that your wife is making more than you. Its not a competition, its a partnership

[@AudraT]

Whoa! There are a ton of guys in my religion who need to hear this. I have to almost hide I have an education and a mildly impressive work experience whenever I meet a single guy.

[@mistermanman]

LOL I enjoyed this call.

[@9liveslisa]

Love her and make her happy every day.

[@whatintheheck4692]

If I made 3 times more than my husband, he’d be excited about all the home projects we can finish; Better yet, contract out so he doesn’t have to do it.

[@deeanna8448]

Based on the topic, I was rolling myveyes thinking this guy was going to be an egotistical Neanderthol. But, I was wrong. He seems like a really nice, smart, and cool guy. I hope he can get over his insecurities and have fulfillment.

[@puclopuclik4108]

This is what social norms do to people.

[@sweetpoptart9486]

He only valued himself based on his money. He could help out in the home lol

[@pupplylove3003]

This is exactly why I won’t be with someone that makes less than me! It’s in the male nature to want to be the provider and it makes them feel confident and masculine. That’s when cheating starts to happen… nope not doing it

[@TonyCox1351]

It’s not always as simple as “not being with someone”. Maybe your spouses loses their job. Or maybe you get a great job offer and your family needs the money. Sometimes these situations manifest in relationships you’re already invested in, then you have a tough decision to make

[@pupplylove3003]

@@TonyCox1351 that’s a fair point! I would maybe have a conversation and ask the man how he feels about me ever making more than him. I think it matters more about the ambition that a man has. If I see he is a hard worker and has a provider mentality that is what matters more. I think as a woman who meets a man when they are making less money than you at that time it tends to set a tone. I’ve experienced attracting more men that are lazier and expect the woman to not only birth and take care of their children but also clean, cook, and be the provider. It’s definitely different like you said if he loses his job when you’re already committed, but again his ego might make him feel insecure which can lead to other problems.

[@Emptytopfloor]

There are studies that prove this. Women out earning their male partners raises DV reported and cheating on the men’s part. Their ego is dangerously fragile.

[@RepentImmediately]

I won't be with anyone who bases their confidence on external factors that can change at any moment.

[@pupplylove3003]

@@RepentImmediately of course! I’m not saying that’s literally the only thing I’m basing a worthy partner on (read other response for more context). More times than not as we heard on this call it makes a man feel insecure which a lot of the time leads to cheating.

[@jengoodwyn2715]

I've seen this happen. A woman I knew had SERIOUS relationship problems ... until she lost her job and wasn't making more than him. It was an abrupt attempt face.

[@Ryan-wx1bi]

Then learn a marketable skill and make more money. Everyone just wants to cry and complain about how much they make, but end up putting 0 effort into a career. If this guy tried and failed, that's one thing, but this guy clearly didn't

[@budgiebirdy]

John is acting like this a head-scratcher, but it's not a difficult thing to ponder. It's the social pressure for men to protect and provide for their families, and he feels like he's not doing his part to provide if his wife makes more than him. He feels like less of a man. It's not surprising that he feels this way.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

You want to provide and protect? Then make sure the lawn looks lovely and go build something and always stay on top of the garbage, and always be willing to learn. Provide household help and take care of your family. Money is not the only way to provide, even if the 50s and 60s mentality tries to make us think so

[@KendraSmith087]

@@KatieLHall-fy1hwit’s not trying to make us think that way. There are biological reasons men and women feel this way. Times have changed, but most cannot outrun biology.

[@budgiebirdy]

@@KatieLHall-fy1hw Well, you're extremely defensive for some weird reason. Everything that I said is the truth, whether you like it or not. Also, why do you assume I'm a man?

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

@@budgiebirdy if you are a lady sorry I am incorrect! Your argument just seemed like those that come from many men on this comment section. I just wish for all people to be able to grow and learn and be safe, and not feel pressured to be one way or another (like women having to take care of the family because somebody said so or for men to financially provide because somebody said so). I think it is important to be flexible! Health and wealth to you and yours for 2024!

[@alqoshgirl]

I’m home while my husband works and this idea is still quite ridiculous. Too many men are just whiners now a days. So many are like ‘our life is hard, we have so much stress’ and simultaneously claim they feel like less of a man when they don’t have the burden anymore. I have degrees and my husband is supportive of me working once our kids are older and has no problem if I happen to make more than him

[@anthonymitchell2248]

Thank God for you Dr John!

[@HashPhantom]

My wife makes WAY more than me and I’m thankful for it

[@ankra12]

Exactly.

[@fandoms5ever]

Wife messed up by marrying a guy who has no idea who he is or what he wants

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

He's a red flag. He's in a marriage and doesn't know who he is or what he wants. His wife's salary is not the issue, his self esteem is.

[@marquisstrongchild7535]

A person going through some of insecurity is not so damaged that you could call them a "red flag". It's comments like these that feed into the cycle of insecurity that many people face. Nobody is fully confident. Everybody is insecure about at least 1 thing. And the fact that he can't singlehandedly get down to the root of his, doesn't make him a "red flag". He's trying to find a solution at least.

[@snsn7251]

Its all the same money. Upskill yourself or get a grip. I didn't hear him say she holds it over him so its on him.

[@flightsnotfeelings5867]

I’m not much into the video but my husband and I are in the same spot as I make twice as much as him. He was raised to be the breadwinner but he doesn’t know what he wants to do for a career yet. I found mine early and he can become an amazing stay at home dad eventually and work part time. My husband is the most selfless and loving person ever but his pride won’t let him be okay with it. Therapy helps so much.

[@thandosocikwa]

Part of him knows you won’t respect him as a stay at home dad. It’s a noble role of course, one that makes sense in an ideal world, but practically, a man that isn’t out working and providing for his family is not gonna feel fulfilled, and you don’t wanna be married to someone like that. You’ll simply grow to resent him, and lose respect for him over time.

[@georgebrady5369]

​@@thandosocikwaThats a pretty bold statement from you. She is literally telling you she loves him for it (taking care of the children).

[@thandosocikwa]

@@georgebrady5369 I don’t doubt she does love him but I’m just being realistic and trying to make her understand how he probably sees it. Marriages where the man earns less than the woman are far more likely to end in divorce. In a perfect world that shouldn’t matter, but the reality is it does. You don’t have to like it, but that’s not going to change anything.

[@ogolden8315]

@@thandosocikwa You point out the numbers but not circumstances. Research shows that Breadwinner wives still have to do more of the domestic/childrearing even with a SAHD or Part-Time working Husband/das. Currently, seems SAHDs are not pulling the same weight as SAHM. That definitely will cause a lot of stress for the working wife. Then add in male ego, insecurity and passive-aggressive actions that stem from their feeling of inadequacy. From what I heard in this video, his wife isn’t belittling him, sharing finances openly, etc. However, if he is like many males in these situation, he will self-sabotage and create issues in the marriage unless he sorts himself out via therapy/counseling.

[@flightsnotfeelings5867]

@@thandosocikwait’s not something that works for everyone but for me and him, it will. He LOVES children all the time and I love them in moderation. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated very easily, he can take on anything with a smile on his face. He would love more than anything to stay home with the kids and take care of the house until they go to school while I’m out making money for us and enjoying my career. I have a bachelors degree and he doesn’t (doesn’t matter to us) so since I spent all that money, I may as well use it. Again, not for everyone but for us, it’ll do well.

[@zionfoster8219]

I wonder how much is not really ego but him feeling a lack of purpose. Mike being the husband thinking he needs to provide for his wife. And he feels like he isn’t

[@cjsmith8319]

My wife makes double my salary. When I met her I was still finishing my degree. When I began working, we had been saving for a long time and we got a new house. I covered the closing costs but most of the down payment was from her. But it doesn’t matter. We both work our asses off and money doesn’t define our happiness. It certainly helps, but we got married because we were in love and worked as a team. She’s my best friend.

[@mikspeeddemon9842]

Like your statement

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

We'll see how long that last😂

[@cjsmith8319]

@@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346 Been together 15 years

[@em34ev3r]

If he feels insecure than get up off your ass and make some more money...Thats the obvious thing to do 🙄

[@drama-addictic6462]

Not all men, but all dutiful and caring men will always feel the need to make more money for the sake of providing. Not all women, but majority of women good nor bad will never be bothered with their man making more money cause that's to be expected tradition for a long time. Its practically in our DNA.

[@genxx2724]

Statically husbands are more likely to cheat when their wives earn more. They feel emasculated and seek validation through other women.

[@oraza66]

Can feel the caller..my wife keeps splurging my four daughters and I couldn't...I feel I have disappointed them

[@ad2989-j3k]

Effort is all that's in your hand and not the outcome. If you put all the effort in the past, keep doing that in future. If you haven't in the past, start now and continue in the future.

[@todd2324]

Well, at least he can feel confident that she is not with him because of his money. There are a lot of married men who are breadwinners who have wives that likely wouldn't be with them if they weren't.

[@kayn2756]

This is a power struggle for him. I hope he doesn't spiral out of control and starts cheating with women of a lower social economic class just to boost his ego.

[@scratch57]

much more likely his wife will cheat with men of higher status and wealth.

[@coxrocks25]

It's about self respect. Men are supposed to provide for the family. If they don't most men will feel a lack of self respect.

[@UTOT222]

Shouldn’t be that way. There’s no mine or yours once you are married. Took a few years for my own husband to understand that I love HIM and the life we have built together … not what others say he should be or not.

[@RepentImmediately]

Men seem to have a weird definition of "provide" considering most married households are two-income households.

[@coxrocks25]

@PLD.608 Dual income households are part of the problem. What has women going and being boss babes at some widget factory actually done to improve society? In almost all cases, women should remain in the home doing the most important job of all, raising the next generation. A return to these traditional values would do much more for society than any economic benefit that might have been realized.

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@coxrocks25you seem woefully unaware of how many women hate motherhood and complain about their spouses constantly. You do know that the heydays of the housewife were held together by alcohol and valium, right? If women need to be bored and miserable so that men can feel good about themselves, men have more issues than I thought. Also, I know a lot of women who work and only one of them is what I would consider a "boss babe," but like most smart women, she has avoided the marry and carry trap, as have I. We're both elder Millennials and Gen Z women are following suit in massive numbers. I guess men are gonna have to find another way to feel important 😢

[@bluetickbeagles116]

He’ll become angry, resentful and may become abusive and dangerous to her. She’ll become a victim to his insecurities.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

What is it with women and jumping to wild conclusions? Your suggesting he'll start beating his wife because she earns more?

[@akanwa]

Dr. John should have asked more about this guy's mom. His mommy issues are connected to why he feels like he is not enough.

[@analozada9475]

💯

[@KendraSmith087]

Of course he is insecure about it. Generally men are wired to want to provide. It makes sense that he is feeling insecure. On top of that, generally women want men who make at least as much money as them, preferable more. I am a women and know that women have a hard time respecting men who make less than them. They will deal with it for a while, but eventually their biology kicks in, and they lose respect for their husband. I don’t understand why everyone is confused on why he would feel insecure. He has every reason to feel insecure, especially in this modern world where consumption and materialism is the norm, specifically with women.

[@tannerrienbolt3143]

Money goes to the same bank account....I can't wait for my wife to triple up on me lol

[@ShaeZamm]

I hope men and the world will one day get it...our father's and mother's raised us to not need a man. So, when we choose it's because we want him. It's a nice place to be in.

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well when women say they don't need men shows they don't love there men unconditionally

[@a.b3276]

I think what men who struggle with this need to understand that a marriage is a unity, the money I earn from my job is OUR income, and the money she earns is OUR income.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

But women who earn more then their husband's are 40% more likely to divorce, the #1 reason being money. Why does Dr. John avoid talking about this statistic?🤔

[@andreearuxandra4633]

The fact that there are so many youtube videos addressing this situation (woman earning more than her spouse) as if it were an issue, when the opposite situation does not seem worthy to be discussed, I can tell there is a societal bias that we need to expose. To me it is obvious that the situation where both earn exactly the same is extremely rare, so why is it that this particular situation is of more interest than the other? Why is it so difficult to normalize differences in earning in both directions? Why is there so much competition between the sexes? Why do we need to prove one is better than the other? Why does it matter to us so much that we pick a winner?

[@tomnohmy1273]

Get some help dude. Ur worth it

[@ad2989-j3k]

The caller doesn't resent her earning more than him, he isn't insecure of her leaving him either. He categorically said that he feels like a leech living off her, which a wife wouldn't have felt if the situation is reversed, but he feels because as a man he is supposed to play the role of a husband and he is clearly deficient in that. He can compensate by being a better husband and doing traditional wife's roles to feel less like a leech. But that would still not make him a husband. A great spouse? Yes. A husband? No. But also a leech? No. So do what you can and let it go what you can't.

[@pumpkinhead8593]

What makes you assume a woman wouldn't feel like a leech the same way a man would? If you're a functioning healthy adult with a job then you will want to pay your own way. Me and my bf bicker over one thing only, and that is who gets to pay the bill when we go out. I most certainly feel like a leech letting him pay. It's not about what gender you are, it's about having enough self worth to want to stand on your own two feet and pulling your weight.

[@sw6155]

I wish my husband had a wife earning 3x more too… 🤣🤣🤣 He’d love to be a stay at home dad and I wouldn’t mind that either… Maybe I’d get to have another baby too… hehehe… 😅😅

[@alluringbliss4165]

Isn’t that common with men and their ego. He knew she was making much more he married her

[@Sharnecau]

I have so many ex partners who are like this, and they get resentful and try and drag you down

[@ChewieTomatoes1]

The issue isn’t my wife making more than me. I “had” no issue until her family came into the picture. It’s a large Asian family of engineers, doctors, dentists, and business leaders. They’re polite in person but behind my back, they’re not as nice. They talk down to me at times or won’t talk to me at all. They’re dismissive of any opinion I have since I’m not at their level. I learned this after hearing about several family members telling my mother-in-law that my wife is too good for me. My wife doesn’t care but she loves her family. They’re important to her. Lots of fun memories with siblings and cousins. However, she can sense I don’t like a few them because of this. This makes her sad. I do my best to be nice to her family but I have trouble keeping up this fakeness since she wonders why I’m not that close to her family.

[@unknowncomment85]

that is pretty cool.. let her work.. stay at home and relax.. if you divorce you get alimony

[@WrestlingisDopamine]

John’s a good dude

[@dakotasikes6690]

I feel theirs more to this if ya giving school shooter vibes and they are telling this to your face people usually don't say that. I feel there's more than what he's saying gut tells me he's hiding something

[@ChristianOne]

I think a lot of men subconsciously believe that if they merely have a job, they are ENTITLED to a free servant called a wife. So if a woman earns more, they put themselves into the servant slot and don't like that unequal power dynamic. So they crave power, dominance, and owning a slave. They don't want to BE the slave. But real LOVE never looks at things like that. There's no entitlement, no dominating, no competition. Instead there is appreciation, upliftment, encouragement, mutual reciprocity, mutual cheerleading, kindness and building a common vision for the TEAM. If you win...I win. If I win...you win...WE are a TEAM.

[@3dmature488]

Exactly. Well said.

[@sfappetrupavelandrei]

Misandric much?

[@ChristianOne]

@@sfappetrupavelandrei I'm not sexist but I think many men are in this area, even if they are unaware of it. It leaks out in subtle ways... Just like how the guy on the call had no idea why he was upset his wife earned more or what to do about it. Many have just been taught that their only role in life will be to get a job and do whatever they want to choose, other than that. They often assume women will do everything else for them like a willing slave. Like it is just something they generally don't give much thought to. And maybe they need to. I love men AND women. I am so over this whole made up gender divide and hatred game being played. I am offering up a potential cause of this one specific problem and men can see if they need to grow in this area. In another area of life, women might need to consider how they might be causing a problem. If we all take personal responsibility for our own parts, even if it is only 1%, then we can make real progress. Sheesh.

[@ChristianOne]

@@sfappetrupavelandrei And...whose fault could it possibly be if a man is upset his wife (teammate) is doing something WELL?????? Is it the woman's fault? What in the heck could she POSSIBLY do to fix a situation where she is CONTRIBUTING MORE THAN EQUALLY to a marriage? He said she's not berating him, not mocking him, not withdrawing love.... So....uh...if you think I was being a misandrist, then please explain to me HOW the woman is fix or be blamed in this situation?????????????

[@name9601]

@@ChristianOne but no servitude? misandry

[@xavier7666]

Idk if I agree w/ this one. I feel like when any of the traditional gender roles get moved around, it’s not crazy or bad to be uncomfortable w/ it. How many women have a hard time w/ the idea of dating a guy who’s shorter than them? + how many men feel weird about the idea of being a stay-at-home dad? I don’t think it’s fair to just automatically say that if someone feels weird about it, they’re the problem. That being said, you prob should’ve thought this through before getting married…

[@ad2989-j3k]

They want to shame men for feeling shame in inadequacy (as men and/or husband) because that's the easiest way to normalize men being less manly in traditional sense and the reason they want to do this is because it's much easier to conquer societies where men are weak, less manly and neither ashamed of it themself nor dishonoured by society for it. All these talk of dissolving gender specific roles and boxed ideas of masculinity is pretended to be for egalitarian cause but is actually a conspiracy to create weak societies by deep state.

[@myyt3824]

I made $70k while my husband made $12 an hour. We were dating/engaged at the time. I never shamed him for it. We were in our mid 20’s with plans for the future. We were growing together. He then got a job making about $50k while I made about $55k, and now I’m opening my own barbershop and my husband makes $150k including OT. We’ve always supported each other as the earnings flip flopped. That’s your partner, dude. She never shames you or makes you feel inferior. This is in your own head. I get the manly need to make more than your wife and be the breadwinner, but it’s ok if it’s the other way around.

[@Creamingnuns]

Statistically it's not ok, women who earn more then their husband's are 40% more likely to divorce. And 85% more likely to engage in an affair with a higher earning man. This isn't just an "insecurity" men have a real reason to not like that their wives out earn them.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

I noticed you didn't respond to the guy who responded to your comment dispite the fact you're latest comment was written 4 days ago. It's almost like your trying to avoid proof that men aren't insecure and women really do Divorce men who earn less. Ain't that a coincidence.🙃

[@ecclairmayo4153]

This is exactly how I see it. Throughout life, our incomes fluctuate and there is no sense I'm dwelling om something that is going to change anyway. It's just a point in time especially with couples. Have kids and silly stuff like this and gender roles get thrown out the window!

[@LAHowell]

Whether it’s a man comparing his salary to his wife’s or a man comparing his salary to his childhood buddy’s, financial comparison is a sickness that runs rampant through men. It’s lives within me as well. It’s truly a cancer.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

Your so full of it😂

[@LAHowell]

@@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346 how? It’s extremely common…

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

@@LAHowell it's common yes, but not as common as you believe. Most men aren't trying to compete with their wives. Dr. John conveniently failed to mention that women who earn more then their husband's are 40% more likely to divorce and 85% more likely to engage in an affair. Also when asked the #1 reason for these divorces is money. There was a whole news segment about modern women earning more money then ever before and and the women claimed that they couldn't find marrigable men that were "on their level" they also said they weren't willing to be with men who earned less then they did because they weren't willing to "date down" so I'd like to know why you think he didn't mention these statistics.

[@thanksforreadindmyunusuall3346]

srry about my comment being spammed yt is acting weird lol

[@MissMiaAfroGoddess]

This guy sounds miserable, wouldn’t be surprised if he sabotaged this marriage with his insecurities, I feel so sorry for his wife. Seek counseling dude

[@lauriea999]

I'm stunned , I posted my opinion about this topic because I experienced it with my ex admittedly he told me he hated I made more money it demasculinated him and he wasn't having it ,.... There obviously were other problems and we divorced what I'm stunned by are the comments I received mean and un called for calling me a future cat owner , I'm too old to date etc etc what have people become??? People can't make a comment with people chiming in degrading me this is a platform to help people ....... I literally had to deleate my comment shame on you folks ....we're here to learn I challenge any one of you haters to say that to me to my face in person hiding your I'll will behind a computer screen......

[@ineedhoez]

Lmao @ I got out homie!!!! I'm youtuber now😂😂😂😂

[@FrankS111]

Michael, this should concern you. Statistics objectively show that when the wife earns more than the husband she is 2x-3x more likely to leave / file for divorce. This greatly increase the greater the income gap goes. The commenters will say “tHiS iSn’T tRuE” or “blah blah I make more and I love my husband blah blah” but statistics do not lie. Get your life and goals in order and be a leader.

[@ogolden8315]

You point out the numbers but not circumstances. This caller is feeling insecure and has some childhood issue towards money. From what I heard, his wife isn’t belittling him, sharing finances openly, etc. However, if he is like many males in these situation, he will self-sabotage and create issues in the marriage unless he sorts himself out via therapy/counseling.

[@FrankS111]

@@ogolden8315 his childhood stuff and what his wife “says” is a moot point. It’s human nature. Women want a leader. While divorce is far from certain in his case…his chances are exponentially higher thus he has reason to be worried.

[@cuentaccuentos]

@@FrankS111 woman want to be with a grown ass man that is mature and responsible and wont whine if she makes more money. get a grip.

[@FrankS111]

@@cuentaccuentos statistics say otherwise, champ. Sorry 🤷‍♂️

[@october3rd213]

Well, I guess you can advice him to leave the marriage.

[@BadBotNate]

This hits a little close to home.

[@warrensloan3467]

If things work out and you have a healthy marriage, then it isn’t a problem, and if things don’t work out, you’re actually in a better position, because you’re not going to lose nearly as much as the average man.

[@RepentImmediately]

In most divorces, there is no alimony.

[@Allthekingshorses2]

This is my husband and I.. so he jokingly calls me his sugar mama.. LOL