My Wife's Secretly Messaging Another Man

[@valerie362]

"I pushed her away by being so close to her". Umm, no sir, you pushed her away by emotionally abusing her for 14 years.

[@amandaboado7057]

He’s saying that because he let her see the deepest darkest part of her mind, which he now knows he needs to hide it.

[@annetteswanson5514]

Too late...

[@wahinepaddler4]

He made my skin crawl with saying that..making himself out to be such victim in all of this..

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well men should never hug there women when she is crying facts are if she loves her unconditionally she wouldn't cheat this shows women are never faithful to there marriage

[@amandaboado7057]

@@chris-gx7rs Are you asking women to put up with nasty behaviour? She’s looking for a way out. So if you think women always cheat. Do men ever cheat? Hell yes, they even have mistresses. Will that man let his woman do that? No way. I can guarantee you when a man is emotionally abused he will leave with whatever means possible. It doesn’t take much. All a woman has to do is give a man the same treatment and he’s out. They are less likely to go to counselling to fix the marriage . Why is that? Be emotionally intelligent and listen to your partner and be kind. Stop the double standards.

[@Celwood]

If a woman tells you she thinks she's falling out of love with you... She's been done for a while!

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

Yup. Because of being honest when things actually start going south, they just start looking around on dating apps. Once they have found a replacement and there is nothing you can do, THATS when the truth comes out.

[@MikeyPaper]

Women check out months, sometimes YEARS in advance. They usually have a back up plan.

[@SilverToes756]

Exactly 💯

[@alluringbliss4165]

She should have done it sooner considering she put up with his abuse for over a decade.

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

@@dabd8175 in what way did you interpret what he said as "justifying cheating"? It doesn't say anything like that?

[@edenridgefarms]

The dude blew it. She's not angry anymore. Not upset anymore. She's just done. And once a woman is done, it's really hard to come back from that.

[@peterlee584]

You're absolutely right. He's reaping what he's sowed and a few days of decent behaviour does not make up for 14 yeats of being demeaned and belittled by her husband. If he truly wants to change, he should go to therapy.

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

Exactly…she’s done.

[@tootle_soup]

My ex husband didn’t comprehend that. So he used our child as a pawn because he couldn’t get over our relationship that he never tried in for 7 years.

[@Julie-e1m]

He needs to learn skills and accept it's over

[@SuzanneQuew-vc4us]

@@tootle_soup it’s sad some men have to go through a relationship collapse to really get it, if they ever get it.

[@GentlRebel]

If he talks over Dr. John this much, imagine what he does to his wife. He’s probably never let her finish a sentence.

[@heidikickhouse-]

Dang, thank you! I'm only half through but his interrupting is too unbearable to continue. He's only "in love" with the sound of his own voice. Run!

[@youtubecommentator6023]

I have a feeling that if they go to therapy, he's just going to use the language he learns from it to control her and belittle her even more.

[@grmpEqweer]

​@@youtubecommentator6023 Agreed.

[@YoginiMami]

Good point

[@jordtheeimpaler]

Definitely. NEVER let her finish anything

[@natinatij]

“I’ve been a jerk to my wife for years. And now she doesn’t like me anymore. What do I do?” 😂

[@tiktokfamous3446]

This man is really delusional

[@LLandS18]

Yeah that's a perfect synopsis of this guy's phone call. But I have a feeling that he's very comfortable in the perpetual victim role. I treated my wife bad because she's less than me and she's holding me back. I'm a victim of how much she's holding me back. And now that something's made him realize that that's not true, she's not less than you. You're less than her all the sudden because he turned things around 6 weeks ago. Literally a month and a half ago. All the sudden he's the victim cuz she won't forgive him. A lot of people comfortable in that role. Is how they avoid taking the responsibility for things.

[@cdboyce17]

“I haven’t liked her for years and now she doesn’t like me back now and that’s not ok. I’m the only one allowed to be rude to her.” 🙄 gtfo!!

[@flourishwithflowers_]

😂😂😂 he's an idiot

[@flourishwithflowers_]

​@cdboyce17 right!

[@Mochalate]

He doesn’t really care about his wife. He just doesn’t want to be alone

[@CyeOutsider]

He doesn't want the consequences of his abusive behaviour.

[@lynette599]

He just doesn't want to be second choice to another man.

[@vidaacheampong2563]

Who else is gonna put up with him? ..

[@lilacsilverwing]

It’s entirely about control and him not wanting to feel abandoned. Absolutely agree

[@DemonRuby]

Just like most men.

[@MarcDub]

This caller seems to have adopted the vocabulary of a self aware, self critical person, while at the same time being the complete opposite.

[@Howdy1957]

Word salad, only! Run,run,run away!

[@CyeOutsider]

Yes, because he's talking to a man now.

[@RearviewWisdom]

Being self aware for some people makes them feel in control when being assessed and criticized by others. But in this case I can also see that this man is putting on a front for John which truly makes me question how he speaks to his wife.

[@mermaid2014]

​​@@RearviewWisdomThey did the research on the internet, after being told by their wives what they've done. They don't really change. These men are also generally cowards; they only do it in the privacy of the home. They are damaged from childhood trauma, and then they perpetuate it.

[@Cactusbrigade]

Honestly though, I can appreciate it. Because I feel like this is a very arrogant and self-important person who is admitting to it. He hasn’t gone to therapy up until THIS call, which means he has no coping skills or knowledge on how to change yet. The fact that he’s admitting to any of it is really big for people with these kinds of issues. Sure, hes still arrogant and not showing a lot of emotion. I wouldn’t expect anything else this early on. But I really hope the best for him and his wife and that he continues down this path of seeking help.

[@sophiadavis3860]

He gave her 3 chances, she gave him thousands.

[@bogomagazine]

Exactly right!! He feels betrayed because she’s got a male confidant. But HE betrayed her every time he put her down and broke her trust in the process. And in my experience men who behave like this and think they’re better than their wives are usually cheaters too… so…

[@DeRocco21]

They never say anything

[@emporioarmani6962]

😂😂😂 what are you saying the woman just said it right now after 14 years both are idiots imo

[@akhilmahajan9759]

When you live together for this long.. Not everyday is like movies, romantic.. Honeymoon phase ends.. And people just be normal.. Argument fights happen in every relationship. Marriage is about commitment.. And also it's about communication. Talking about 1000 chances she didn't communicate 1000 time only in her head giving him chances.. Also she can leave why cheating ?

[@jaciemokidm2287]

@@akhilmahajan9759I agree with you, the cheating isn’t right. Better to leave. I can empathize too though, because the 1000 times chances in her head weren’t really chances. It was about fear of being herself and speaking to the husband who should have been her rock and loving of her. Instead she made little mistakes or normal things happened at home that bothered him and he blew up at her. So of course she got scared. It changes your body and nervous system. I’ve been through it and it took therapy and medication to come back to clarity and learn how to respond differently and use my voice. Women need gentle responses. Of course that might not happen all the time, people get angry. But there are right and wrong ways to express anger and if the husband was consistently triggered, yelling or throwing things, then it did impact her mental and physical stability. The guy she is talking to now is grounding her and building up her confidence and sense of self-worth. It’s a process. He’s giving her a kind of attention that therapy gave to me. It isn’t the right source, no. But it’s something she needs and she probably didn’t even realize it until she became emotionally attached to him. So again, I absolutely agree. Cheating is wrong, it’s the wrong response. But it’s also not the root problem and the husband needs to work some things out first because he broke his wife’s trust for a long time and it hurt her deeply. To be honest, I think she’s going to leave him.

[@iblamethisallonhaley]

I’ve been an asshole narcissist, realized I was losing my wife, love bombed her, it didn’t work…. How do I continue to control her emotionally? 🙃

[@circesercy2190]

😂🎉 this is spot on

[@hayley179g]

"I'm going to therapy to learn what to say because I'm a good guy, can you give me some new material?"

[@emilysmith575]

😂

[@esterjoy7534]

Nailed it! 🎯

[@LaylaDSmith]

PRECISELY what a piece of work.

[@adrienneneal4645]

“i guess i’ll give you a 3rd chance… even tho you keep lying🙄” SIR SHE GAVE YOU 14 YEARS OF CHANCES WTF

[@LovelyVB8]

Ugh omg..... yess

[@BattleClanAreaChaos]

He wasn’t cheating. Are you comparing being a jerk to emotional affairs? Implying you have a right to cheat, if your significant other is a jerk? No, you break up with them. She could break up with them, and then do all of that, then it’s not an issue.

[@jakes658]

@@BattleClanAreaChaos Its so simple huh...

[@BattleClanAreaChaos]

@@jakes658 Cheating should never be encouraged.

[@jakes658]

@@BattleClanAreaChaos Neither should abuse...

[@gmoney0987]

Don’t string this guy along. She’s done. He can’t even shut up to listen for 2 seconds. I can’t stand him after 2 minutes, imagine 14 years

[@kingcrows429]

This guy is panicking about how he's going to lose his world, AND its entirely his fault. He's trying to save that, he's trying to be better. I'm not saying he's a good guy here at all, what I am saying is that you're being really disrespectful to the fact he's putting himself out there and trying to be better.

[@gmoney0987]

@@kingcrows429 it’s plausible that he’s trying to be better, but my god, the dude can not shut up for one second to listen to advice when HE called in to GET advice….just hearing 10 min of him was enough to drive me nuts

[@michaelallen1154]

​@@gmoney0987you haven't picked up on the fact that the dude has serious BPD. He needs psychotherapy desperately.

[@bodaciousmos]

​​​@@kingcrows429he is a narcist . He destroyed her for 14 years and when she met someone else he tries to control her again by getting her flowers something he saw shoul😅d make every woman happy. Stupid flowers doesn't make you forget 14 years of abuse

[@jameybobamey7343]

​@@gmoney0987I didn't hear that at all. He listened, he didn't interrupt. He is concise. He answers questions. He agrees. I think you are way off base with him

[@aladdout9454]

"After 15 years of abuse, now that there's hope for her to leave, I'm treating her right for 2 weeks STRAIGHT and brought her flowers once... I'm such a nice guy" Deadass this belongs in r/niceguys

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

Hahaha facts. Like John said, he did what HE thought he should do. He never even thought to ask her what he could do to start. Again he completely belittled her and ignored her. Dude is just afraid of the consequences his actions are bringing and thinks that some “quick fix” actions will balance out his past actions.

[@sarahhunter1114]

😂😂😂

[@Emolovesblack28451]

I’m in a similar situation and my therapist called it love bombing.

[@aladdout9454]

@@Emolovesblack28451 nah lmao it's "damage control". Love bombing happens at the beginning if I'm not wrong...this is like trying to glue together broken glass pieces.

[@Lilith6.6]

​@aladdout9454 Love bombing can happen at any point in a relationship. It's a manipulation tactic. But I do agree that "damage control" is part of what they are doing.

[@shellym4241]

After 14 years of abuse she's emotionally checked out. The marriage is over. You only saw her worth when someone else showed her she was valuable and beautiful.

[@danbev9313]

Lol. The online stranger she has made into a prince charming is just looking to get laid. Let her go to him. He's been given an easy off ramp out. He should take it expedientley

[@jokoye8413]

👍🏾

[@chris-gx7rs]

Women need to learn there vows through thick and thin not leave for no reason women don't believe in marriage they just want the wedding

[@KH-xx1rg]

Exactly!!!

[@1dingerr]

​@chris-gx7rs imagine treating your wife like garbage for over a decade and when they finally leave to preserve whatever dignity they have left, you say "wow way to not respect our vows". I don't think "I will demean you and insult you at every chance I get" was in his vows.

[@Michelle-zz7no]

I left after 15 years of being treated poorly. There is nothing he could have said or done at that point to make me stay. NOTHING! I cried for one day. Then my life improved dramatically.

[@RightofCenter]

When you see that life doesn’t have to be that way. It’s like freedom and life

[@stargeezer57]

After 30 years, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty when I left.

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well this shows women don't stick to there marriage because women don't believe what they in there vows

[@chris-gx7rs]

Facts are women are the ones who don't commit to marriage because women are not faithful to there marriage like we men are

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well women don't take seriously men do because we have more to risk this why men don't want marriage anymore because women will use excuses to leave because women are unloyal

[@connordelaney4087]

In 14 years this guy never asked his wife how her day went? Wow.

[@CyeOutsider]

Now he's angry that 2 weeks of being nice to her hasn't paid off yet.

[@freedomdance7]

Horrible. Poor lady. 😔☹️

[@Elizabethatthebeach]

Why is nobody sensing ASD?!! Narcissists, by and large, do Not seek help. This guy knows he messed up and seems emotionally distant from himself... just his voice... He's high functioning.. but I suspect ASD...

[@patio_daddio_69]

ASD Doesn't make you cruel this guys is straight up mean

[@Elizabethatthebeach]

@patio_daddio_69 Agree to disagree... One man's "just being honest" or "accurately describing the situation" as a person A with ASD can do, (not always) can seem very cruel to a Nuero-typical person.. But I agree that ASD doesn't mean intentional cruelty. I have ADHD and very close friends with ASD and while we are all sometimes a little too honest w each other, it's never from a heart place of cruelty..🫶

[@10coolfacts]

Once he realizes there is another dude in the picture, then he wants to do better. Not before. She deserves better.

[@Mom99004]

Agree

[@Guts318]

Competition anxiety is important. Once that goes away, things get comfortable, which is doom.

[@shanellepearse]

Right, and he wants to act like he's the BEST at owning up, changing, fixing things - and oh woe as me I can't trust her now. Give me a break!

[@louiseparenti8570]

His wife must be an Angel to put up with him for so long.

[@onfrobation]

Then she should leave him. You don’t stay married and look elsewhere for that attention.

[@loveli420]

This guy is love bombing his wife after years of abuse and belittlement in order to make her stay. His wife deserves better and needs to leave him.

[@loveli420]

@@wordsalad01 she doesn't TRUST him and has good reason.

[@TonyCox1351]

@@wordsalad01he’s definitely worse than she is, because he started it. She absolutely should have divorced him instead of cheating. But he brought this whole mess on himself.

[@temposhop8739]

​@@wordsalad01you can always count that one with dog that won't leave the fight and needs to make sure the woman is "accountable."

[@karahupp4589]

@@wordsalad01 14 years of abuse. You tell me you know exactly how you would be acting at that point in time. None of us knows how we would react.

[@alwaysyouramanda]

For a weekend. A WEEKEND

[@kekejefferson9219]

Did he really just say, I don't want to be nice to her because it might backfire if she's still talking to that guy? Child, the nerve. 😂🤦🏿‍♀️

[@TonyCox1351]

I just got to that part. “I feel like there’s some trust gone”. Truly mind boggling.

[@skyfall1481]

Lmao!!!

[@digthewarmth]

He really did. He said he doesn't want to waste his effort lol. I don't think he really likes this woman.

[@luna84_]

​@@digthewarmthtrust when I say he doesn't even love her..once there's no respect there is no love..tragic but true

[@NBid-rp9ch]

​@@digthewarmth Precisely. He never liked her. He just wanted her to serve him. Now that she isn't anymore, it's a problem.

[@mcrchickenluvr]

“Your wife may leave you”. Honey, she should leave him. He’s never shown her what love is. She deserves so much better.

[@Julybaby12619]

As a former Marriage Family therapy, as well as a woman who was in a relationship Just Like This one (I started my graduate program in Clinical Psychology) around 9 years into our marriage so that I would have meaningful work after our children left the nest. I can say with confidence that this caller will Not change. His narcissism and arrogance are too imbedded and, he might change for a month , even 3 months but it will always come back because it's his nature to feel superior.... and cruel. I wish for the best for his wife.

[@lilacsilverwing]

💯 💯 💯 💯 💯 💯

[@hayley179g]

Do you think it's realistic to say that after all the other men leave, John, the phone guy, the therapist, and he's secure, he's just going to gleefully use the cheating as another way to emotionally abuse her?

[@shoosh222]

@@hayley179gyes. In the end he will always look at himself as the victim.

[@aaabbb8812]

It won't do any good. She no longer cares about him. She will try, but it won't work. His true colors will show eventually again. He can't help himself- his assholery is congenital.

[@amiekienzle7597]

Spot on. He has zero emotion. It isn’t about losing a meaningful relationship it’s about his control. I think John is amazing but he is perpetuating a terrible situation for the woman.

[@texasdazzlers]

Wow, how nice of him to “give her another chance” after 14 years of verbal abuse resulted in her seeking the attention of someone else. She’s already fed up, and I don’t blame her. You’re too late, my dude.

[@barexampasser]

If a woman treated a man badly, I also wouldn’t blame the man for cheating on her with a woman 15 years younger either

[@alwaysyouramanda]

He wants to FAST FORWARD through the work he needs to do 😂

[@HotDossy]

"Can't blame her" that a bunch of bs to cheat. She should feel ashamed and I hope she gets the worst. Sickness and all

[@texasdazzlers]

@@HotDossy Move along, troll. 👋

[@texan903]

Things never turn out well for cheaters, assholes, either ​@@HotDossy .

[@kms_488]

14 years of of the put downs, yelling… it physically changes you. You hear your partner coming in the house your heart races, he asks for your help even if it’s just to hold a flashlight and you just know it’s gonna blow up… you’re not gonna hold it just right and it will be grabbed out of your hand you’ll get the attitude “Jesus Christ can’t you do this one thing I ask for?” If even that… it may just be gestures and grunts and you have to guess what you’re supposed to do. But 14 years of that breaks you on levels you didn’t know were there.

[@carlawisch]

Yep, I agree. She''s done with him. She might still be sticking it out because of her child or maybe fear of retaliation. I don't think she'll really love this jerk as a partner again.

[@brightpage1020]

I hope she is making a safety plan to get away. Just in case.

[@cherylvisconti]

Exactly! All on him! He even said it. Now he’s sad.

[@darkcircle899]

Yeah he has to realize that after 14 years of treating his wife so bad she's not going to be all in on him right away. He does however seem like he's genuinely trying to change and putting in the work and I do see where he feels slighted because what his wife did is wrong but with what he did he's going to have to give her a lot of grace not forever because they both said they want to fix things but for a little while it's only been 6 weeks.

[@hannah51238]

I can hear cars arriving at the house before anyone else. 10000% a trauma response from my abusive marriage. Even now when he comes to pick up the kids for his visitation, the sound of that engine makes my heart race

[@ms.peregrine]

This caller is weird. He’s doing a lot of agreeing with and appeasing on this call. It feels very strange.

[@jameybobamey7343]

Well I think it's fascinating. He is clearly aware of the harm he has done. It's obvious she has never called him on any of it for 14 years. She was a doormat and it just got worse. They are codependent. But he is saying he wants to change and he agrees he has been awful. That gives me hope

[@scoobydewbie]

you hit the nail on the head. i agree.

[@aladdout9454]

I said the same thing the first time this was uploaded. I got the impression he's a smartass who's obnoxious to everyone and he admits that later in the call. I think it's that he factually knows he did this he does that...but he's not letting these facts marinate in his brain and cause the hurt he caused her. There's no shame or guilt or remorse. It's all very depraved of emotion... he's a robot almost and not in a cute way. In a "know it all, dont tell me what to do" way.

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

He wants the nightmare he created to be over so he will say and agree to whatever. That’s not a solution, that’s trying to avoid consequences. He fears the consequences that look to be coming. A man should always be firm in his decisions and actions. If there is a problem, solve it. If bad consequences arise, you deal with them and learn from them. He’s upset his actions have lead to bad consequences.

[@amendaalmonte2236]

Literally what I wrote in my comment. Sounds like a massive manipulator.

[@even4175]

His self awareness isn’t because he’s suddenly enlightened. He’s known the entire time, and he chose to keep doing it. Now that she’s following through, he doesn’t know what to do.

[@farcenter]

This. The only thing less forgivable than mistreating your wife is doing so knowingly and for years

[@EKL-qu7ih]

This man is not on planet earth. 'I always thought she was beneath me'. What kind of person, says that without skipping a beat? He does not want her, he just doesn't want to be alone and wants to have someone to treat like sh*t. He needs to have a group of guys sit around him and confront everything he's done as well as professional help. He seems incapable of insight and complete lacking of awareness.

[@sitcomchristian6886]

I have actually seen that played out. Homeboy just stays defensive and isolates further. I agree that those things need to be said and heard, however.

[@wendye6500]

His sudden decision to wake up does not erase 15 years of pain and suffering he's put his wife through. She's tried for 15 years to fix it. He's clueless. Completely clueless, immature and low effort.

[@Mom99004]

Amen

[@oterosocram25]

She is not on the call we don't know if she really "tried". This guy needs some serious help BUT the reality is we need to hear her.

[@murderofcrows7738]

@@wordsalad01Exactly. John’s advice would have been wildly different if the genders were reversed. Anyone that’s watched long enough and hasn’t seen the gender bias in his advice is clearly biased themselves then. Plus if the man’s wife is annoyed he brought her flowers, it’s naive to think that saying “how can I best love you today” is somehow going to help. I’ve been married 20 years, and his suggestion that all women want that is ridiculous. I’d rather have a heartfelt text tbh. My guess is she would too since she was drawn to a guy ON THE INTERNET

[@theredstar6493]

​@@murderofcrows7738 Watched some of his videos from 2-3 years back HE'S MISANDRIST AND HYPOCRITE TO SAY THE LEAST

[@Jaisee14]

His tone says it all. He is NOT going to change. He wants to be in control and he wants to control her. I hope she leaves. As he is talking he is pats himself on the back. I changed my eating, i'm drinkin' more water, taking long walks. GAWD he pisses me off. He is just like my husband.

[@Jellybean-qj2ig]

I was done after the first 3 minutes of this guy. John handled him like a champ

[@leighanneboles6609]

No....he catered to him

[@UpandSprout]

2:37 was my “done” point with this dude. I half expect to find him in the comments fight people on his point of view.

[@barbn1211]

The call reveals that he's still a know-it-all. Living with him must be intenable.

[@LovelyVB8]

Omg. Im already upset irritated everythinghe says also his character.

[@farcenter]

He's unbearable

[@MzMiata]

The problem is she probably can’t even enjoy a change in him, because she’s wondering when he’s gonna explode. Complete control freak. My first husband was a guy like this. It was a nightmare that I can’t even imagine I went through.

[@JohnyJedi]

And kept the side piece around as insurance for when it happened 😂

[@lesliemontiel1533]

Yup, you don't have the trust because you know it's only going to last 1 week or 1 month. And then u put a boundary up, and he changed again.

[@LovelyVB8]

Sorry im happy you got out of it

[@Cafeallday222]

Yes!!! This

[@carlys1391]

They’re always sorry when it’s too late. It never seems to fail.

[@cashwalk7253]

Sadly you aren’t wrong 😔

[@corrinabanks3567]

Yup

[@ladyviking]

This guy says the word "I" so much, I doubt he ever thinks of anyone else.

[@karatraylor7271]

He isn’t listening. He is more interested in talking.

[@mattymatt8]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@backpug1228]

Okay... I wont fault him for that, because you learn in therapy to talk about relationship problems from your own standpoint only. What I am faulting him for is how he wants to treat the problem from his standpoint, being the problem, abd not even asking her how he can help make things right.

[@whatthefifty]

Been there done that. This guy only wants her because someone else wants her. It’s classic. SHE NEEDS TO RUN! His efforts will be short lived. He just wants her back under his thumb. Once that happens he’ll revert back to his old self.

[@freedomdance7]

True 👍👍👍

[@iggyman783]

Great on Dr. John for calling him out on his constant belittling of his wife. Checking her phone, checking her calls, absolutely toxic and verbally violent.

[@rj9195-w4r]

He will barely let John get a sentence out without interrupting or correcting or rephrasing. He needs to shut up and learn to listen to other people. Not blurt out "therapy speak" and try to tell other people how they feel. Shut up and listen, understand, shut up.

[@ReeceKauhou]

​@@rj9195-w4rmiss the point of him owning it and trying to work on it together

[@LCmonman]

He’s even arrogant in effort to be humble 😂😂😂

[@jamiealfenso737]

RIGHT!? 🤣

[@chrystallee1563]

My ex husband always was dismissive and ignored me. One day, I just packed up and left him. Wasn’t worth saving or try again to save. Was too toxic to stay.

[@No._1_Karen]

Good for you. ❤

[@ServantOfYHWH]

Did he try to win you back?

[@itumelengmahaole5890]

​@@ServantOfYHWHwondering the same.

[@chrystallee1563]

No. He had his new girlfriend move in about 2 months after I left.

[@ServantOfYHWH]

@@chrystallee1563 😢

[@xxmvvi]

“Pushed her away by wanting to get close…” That is my favorite red flag. Maybe if it was a stranger it’d make sense they’d be creeped out, but that’s your wife, that should not happen. She’s tired of the abuse, which has now kicked into “manipulation mode” since having this “epiphany” a few weeks ago, and wants to be happy, I can’t blame her after 14 years. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who never cared to even ask about my day, either.

[@kimpaugh4495]

Their son has probably already observed and learned these behaviors. :-(

[@GhislaineMutombo]

Huh😒​@@galacticmex

[@sophiaalvarez6137]

Yeah he's gotta be like 12 or 13 at this point :/

[@theong9454]

or learned and adapted the complete opposite?

[@violamoheb5313]

Not necessarily true!!!!

[@leaellas8400]

​​@@theong9454highly unlikely, especially since it's a boy. Boys don't care that much about the relevance of women or girls, unfortunately.

[@amypatrick8429]

The only reason he’s changed, or thinks he has, is because the potential of her having feelings for someone else is a challenge to his ego. It’s still not about her or what she might need/want out of the relationship, it’s centered on him and what he wants.

[@timchristyplummer8948]

Exactly!

[@charlottewebb8223]

Spot on

[@LovelyVB8]

Thats ugly. I hope she gone already and getting loving with the other guy

[@carolineleblanc972]

10000000%

[@AvaEFF]

Exactly. Her 14 years of hurt was not enough for him to change. He hurt for a couple weeks and decided that just couldn’t stand.

[@cassie1264]

Some people think that the word "narcissist" is thrown around too often these days. I would argue that we've had a real problem calling out this bullshit throughout human history. Narcissism is far more prevelant than many believe and this call simply illustrates this.

[@shellbyhall5259]

💯💯💯 We have more narcs than ever before in history AND we’re finally calling people out on their BS and toxic/abusive behaviors. So yes the word may be “trending” as it should be because abusers NEED to be called out.

[@1dingerr]

This seems like ASD, based on his matter-of-fact way of speaking and complete lack of empathy toward his wife.

[@Cafeallday222]

⁠@@1dingerrnarcissism is all about being selfish, lacking empathy and feeling above others. He’s a true narcissist

[@jamiealfenso737]

100%

[@amanchoudhury8135]

Exactly 💯

[@Skye.Rae707]

She grieved your relationship. She's done, she's gone. Better yourself for yourself, before your next relationship.

[@Nursing1988]

He's a sociopath! He needs a lot of help

[@chris-gx7rs]

Well women don't love there men unconditionally cause women don't truly love there husbands cause if women did

[@chris-gx7rs]

Women need to stick to there wedding vows men vows don't say treat the wife good women just use excuses to leave cause women don't know to commit marriage

[@fawnieee]

​@@chris-gx7rs being married doesnt give you the right to hurt that person.

[@LovesGaming37]

​@@chris-gx7rs hell no. That's bullshit. Would you say the same to a man whose wife is so abusive?

[@cherylvisconti]

She put up with this for 14 years??? Godspeed to her!!!❤❤❤

[@dakotasikes6690]

I feel more bad for there son who's only blue print on how to treat a woman is this dude god help both of them

[@larissabrewington9065]

I know a couple like this. The husband is like this and every time I was with them, it was CRINGE city. I hated being around them.

[@fawnieee]

So many women do. Literal saints. Its so sad.

[@acts539rlm6]

This guy continually just agrees with what John says and wants the recognition for already doing the work and identifying the problems himself…

[@ThePolypam]

"I've done it. I fixed it. I am so brave"

[@Sonder0077]

He's doing damage control. It's too little too late.

[@brightpage1020]

100 🎉

[@ghhm2705]

No it’s not, hope is never lost.

[@MaryRose86]

Too little too late

[@non-wx8qm]

He's the bully at work. He pounces on the nice people who won't defend themselves. And the boss won't get involved. In other words he had problems at home and work.

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

But but but the guy he looked up to didn’t take sh*t from anyone so he got respect… Exactly he didn’t take people’s sh*t, but he also didn’t go around giving people sh*t. Big difference is he doesn’t take sh*t, you hand it out. What’s worse your wife takes the load of it.

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

No he seems like the meek one who gets bullied at work for how agreeable he is here. He takes it all out on his Mrs and son.

[@MrsBergman]

I was married for 17 years to an abuser. He never acknowledged it and just got worse and worse. I was never in love nor did I love him, I was just raised to be married and obedient. I accepted his abuse for years and then, in 2016, I woke up. I stopped caring and trying and decided my boys and I were more important than that animal who isn’t worth the air he breathes. To be honest I think he is mentally ill. Anyway, in May of 2016 I joined a singing app and met a man in Sweden. I was planning to leave and did leave in September of that year. He was in the same situation and actually left his ex two days after I did. We have been together for 8 years and we are married living in Sweden. We are very happy and our life is peaceful and fulfilled. Yes, if you are abused LEAVE HIM OR HER!!! Don’t wait, it won’t get better, just worse. I waited 17 years and I’ve made peace because if that had not happened I would have never met my husband. You don’t need to wait for something that may never come. Make your life NOW! Look for your happiness NOW! Don’t let unhappiness pave your way, you look for it and leave that abuser NOW!!!!!!!!!

[@vsand9798]

Your story is so similar to mine only I left with my boys and was lucky enough to meet my husband 11 months later. I’m so happy now.

[@debbiedogs1]

This sounds so wonderful for you, both of you, and I love to hear about people getting to a happier life!

[@linalouwillis]

How do you leave? That's my question

[@racmorr007]

Good for you.🎉❤

[@marsournexthome]

So, you admit you never loved him at all... So you LIED to him. Is that NOT a form of abuse on your end?...

[@lauramclaine504]

Really the truth was he didn’t believe any other man could find his wife interesting or attractive so he could just string his wife along and continue to abuse her cause she would always stay true to him no matter what he did and now he’s in shock.

[@danbev9313]

Stop the BS. That online guy is just looking to get laid. The fantasy she has built in her mind about this stranger is typical with married bored women. Let the other guy have her

[@ServantOfYHWH]

This comment!!!

[@itumelengmahaole5890]

The guy is interested in a married woman? He just wants to clap those cheeks, nothing more.

[@Crashesdown253]

And due to the abuse, she probably didn’t think she was attractive or interesting enough to deserve anyone else. Shes probably starting to see this wasn’t true.

[@LovelyVB8]

His ego got crushed.

[@jimjam_games5783]

Even this guys openness and honesty feels contrived. Narcissist

[@BunnyRabbit-b8c]

Exactly

[@BigHeartNoBS]

This guy basically wants to know how to escape the consequences and it's riticulous. No wonder why she's fed up.

[@newniea21]

I’m confused how is he giving her a “chance “ when he had 14 years of a chance and treated her like crap the whole time

[@superme6493]

no excuse to cheat,she cold of just left😂

[@patio_daddio_69]

@@superme6493no excuse to abuse, he could've just went to therapy 🤷‍♀️

[@Stoicthoughts33]

@@superme6493exactly never an excuse to cheat

[@dianac1411]

Women don’t forget and words are devastating to our hearts.

[@pixel956]

She's DONE let her go to be happy ☺️

[@Supergirl-oo5lr]

He is an abusive man and calling just to make himself feel good and make Everyone else believe he is a good guy. She needs to leave.

[@theartofcrashingout]

He probably called just to show his wife later lol

[@MaryRose86]

He probably expected him to speak poorly of his wife, so he could show her. Thankfully it backfired

[@CdnDolly]

OMG You're so right!! I didn't even think of that! Padding his side of the divorce case so the Judge will see he tried, and now he'll have recorded proof.

[@Jimjam482]

Poor woman, she needs to cut her losses and just leave. What he’s given her wasn’t love. She’s never been loved by him

[@vaska1999]

👍

[@phuonghuynh5946]

You didn’t see her value until she wants to leave. Her body feels unsafe with you. Nothing you can do can repair her 14 years of scars and emotional wounds. It’s over. Let her go so she can heal in peace

[@jazzad]

"I guess I'll give you a second chance" man that's where you lost her. SHE was giving you another try. By pretending you ruled once more, you killed it all.

[@carljohnson6264]

Once she’s done, She’s done. No coming back.

[@kekejefferson9219]

"I was surprised she lied to me " 😂😂😂

[@2232Serena]

Dude, lawyer up. You treated her like crap for fourteen years. She should have left years ago.

[@MikeyPaper]

So why didnt she? Why didnt she leave sooner? She going to rationalize it with some BS excuse?

[@Jimjam482]

@@MikeyPaperhe’s emotionally abused her for years like a beaten dog

[@cherylvisconti]

@@MikeyPaperprobably stayed for their child!

[@Emptytopfloor]

@@MikeyPaper it’s probably trauma bonding

[@TonyCox1351]

⁠@@MikeyPaperyes she probably will rationalize it with some BS excuse, because that’s how humans work. Is this your first time on earth? Both you and I know why she stayed with him, because leaving is very hard

[@JosiePC44]

This was my ex-husband, called me names, discarded my feelings, pushed me away if I went in for a hug. I lasted 14 years too.

[@Wealth_Wisdom_Discernment]

That’s aweful! I absolutely love giving and receiving hugs from my wife

[@mitsubachi6865]

Why and how so long?

[@aetank_yyteawu3436]

@@mitsubachi6865the false hope of “he can change”. She had the “see the good in them” mentality instead of see the actions they do. You should never see the good in people, you should see the good people do.

[@AvaEFF]

@@mitsubachi6865It’s really hard to understand until you’ve been in an abusive relationship.

[@Bhavishah8]

To everyone commenting that there is no excuse for the wife cheating... you need to realise the man has been cheating on her all those years. He betrayed her over and over again. He checked out on her. Pretty sure she only stayed for the kid, but sadly, now the kid has seen how his dad taught him to treat women

[@vickieann1668]

Why do people always say there is no excuse for the wife “cheating”? Is there an excuse for the “abuse” from the husband? One is not better/worse than the other. Both are wrong.

[@amanchoudhury8135]

According to people there is no excuse for cheating but there is excuse for all the 14 yrs of abuse .

[@sarahs3988]

But theres not. Her cheating is about her and who she is. Her character. What he has done is about him and who he is. His character. We are responsible for ourselves only. She has no right to cheat. Two wrongs dont make a right. I say that havung been in a very similar situatuon.

[@sarahs3988]

​@@amanchoudhury8135no, no excuse for the abuse either.

[@JEANNEHUNTER-q5t]

He's emotionally beaten her up for 15 years and destroyed her soul. She too needs therapy to find herself again and to feel worthy.

[@annastusser9181]

He needs therapy more than her

[@claudiamithunden]

​@@annastusser9181 there is no comparison. They both need therapie. I guess what shes doing with the talking with the other guy is some kind of therapie and healing for her.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

After 14 YEARS of his mistreatment of her, he expects her to suddenly trust him after a mere four WEEKS? Dude, you have a loooooong way to go before she can trust that you have changed. She is not a faucet for goodness sake's. She will be walking on egg shells for the next year minimum, waiting for that old you to show up again. I wanted to punch him out after his four week 'deadline' that he again imposed upon her. Geez.

[@ashmash467]

I agree. I’ve been there. Still 3 years later the sound of his voice rising in frustration, sends me into a panic.

[@om617yota8]

Dude's far too able to articulate exactly what he's done wrong without expressing any remorse or feeling any accountability. Some serious screws loose with him, I hope his wife bails and stays gone.

[@TimesUp8888]

The loose screws are called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He's like an obvious textbook case in many ways from his own description. I feel sick just listening to him speak. It's unfixable and even if it were curable, it would take decades and the only thing worth doing when any "partner" or "spouse" treats you like crap in any way is to just cut your losses asap and LEAVE. Whatever it takes to get out safely. Nothing is worse than living with a POS like this. I should know. Been there, done that. Mine would never admit to anyone, not even anonymously that he treated me like crap but then again, I didn't give him 14 yrs to get so damn cocky about his power trip belittling and abusing me all the time. I was so angry and hurt by the betrayal when he let his true colors fly ... Within 1 year of the wedding I was in the divorce lawyer's office. Intolerable horrible monsters, they lack the thing that maks anyone human which is empathy and the capacity to genuinely love any other human being, or even PET. (!!!) ugh

[@AmandaErrrrr]

Good observation, actually. I was thinking, nah this guy knew exactly what he was doing. It was methodical. I hope same for her, escape this weird game he's playing in Fantasy Land over there.

[@hannah51238]

There's no remorse or emotion at all. I really, REALLY hope she leaves

[@gaypreator8547]

I know I am having to force myself to finish listening to this. He is bad news. Ego ego. 😬

[@EYExINxTHExLENS]

I'm leaving an 11 year relationship to go live with my mom soon out of a situation like this, I don't have another dude, or children, but I've been her in that exact situation. He has to learn the consequences.

[@tiialicia]

Happy you got out 💞

[@EYExINxTHExLENS]

@@tiialicia Thank you! 😊

[@MrsShocoTaco]

In 14 years.. In FOURTEEN years, he never asked her how her day went.... FK. THAT. DUDE.

[@KariMotley]

This other guy’s probably telling her “don’t fall for it, he’s never gonna change”.

[@racheltarentino3314]

Hopefully it's not another abusive guy grooming her

[@FontaineBleu]

Seems he may be right lol

[@billblond5727]

But the other guy is also a pathetic douchebag.

[@CyeOutsider]

Hes right. As soon as this guy is convinced his wife is back under his thumb, he'll be back to his old ways.

[@elettramia6380]

😅 I hope so

[@jessm2560]

Dr D is trying so hard not to roll his eyes

[@hannah51238]

Watch his hand within about 20 seconds of this guy speaking. He's clearly pissed. Sometimes I'm so impressed with his self control

[@nottodaysatan101]

The delusion this guy has just shows how unhinged he is. The calm quiet tone is unnerving.

[@TimesUp8888]

might be even worse than an NPD. Antisocial Personality Disorder even. Psychopaths are extremely calm in situations where people with FEELINGS would experience stress, increased blood pressure, sadness/tears, fear/terror, anxiety etc. Hence why they can effortlessly pass "lie detector" tests - Their body doesn't produce the same signals when they lie effortlessly and constantly their entire lives. They do it as easily as we tell the truth. They are upside down and backward from us internally. They think life is a Zero-Sum game, especially interpersonally. The concepts of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts or that Giving to someone does not mean they win and you lose just do not compute for them. It's an extreme emotional retardation of sorts, the nature of which produces their defining trait - Predator.

[@hannah51238]

To me this is a narcissist trying to rebuild the facade

[@jameybobamey7343]

​@@hannah51238a narcissist doesn't own up like he did. He says you are right I've been awful to you. A narcissist doesn't do that

[@hannah51238]

@@galacticmex you need to learn more about narcissism my friend

[@MyPetIsaNazgul]

​@@galacticmexThis man has a narcissistic personality. He likely WAS NOT like this in the beginning during the initial love bombing stage. He has been abusing her for years and his own words are an admission of this. I second what the other commenter said: you need to learn more about narcissism and narcissistic abuse

[@ingramwifey2016]

Man I love Delony, he just gave it to him straight 😂

[@sassyanne88]

John. I wish you'd have been around to tell my ex husband this, he acted just like this guy. Even after telling him multiple times, I can't live like this, I'll leave if he continues, he acted shocked when I left. He still acts like he's the victim almost 20 years later, it's so frustrating. There needs to be more men out there preaching this message.

[@Sammythat_B]

I really hope this guy read this whole comment section & truly sat there with his own uncomfortable bullshit.

[@teeeeceeee]

I'd love to hear her side of things about him declaring his love for her doing a 180, "focusing on us" and "being all in to rebuild and in a honeymoon phase and everything being great".

[@jotilochun80]

Reading between the lines: she told him she doesn’t love him, he begged for her to not leave, promised to do better and asked her to try again and not speak to the new guy. She tried telling him that she is done but he wasn’t hearing so she said what she needed to to stop him losing it. Maybe he controls finances, maybe he is intimidating, maybe he cried. When you are shown affection after that long of being a nothing you can’t help but fall in love. I believe they are just friends but I think she has fallen in love. You would wouldn’t you. A man that thinks your great and cares for you having a good day. I wish her the courage to get out and LIVE with laughter and passion and all the things this man didn’t give her. He too will never underestimate in his relationships in future

[@purpurina5663]

He may have threatened with telling everyone she was unfaithful, or that she would lose everything in the divorce because he has proof. His know-it-all attitude and inability to wait for Dr D to even finish his sentences are indicators of a scary character

[@jotilochun80]

@@purpurina5663 yes!

[@annastusser9181]

“Every now and then I would demean her” you mean like every day dude

[@Gogreenoo3]

I was with you up until the end of the call. I would have said that the other guy doesn’t matter at all. Tell him that if he does all of these steps and is open and honest that her feelings for the other guy drop away. You won’t have to check her texts, if you’re actually working at it. He was already mentally making a calendar entry when he’s going to ask her to check her texts. Right back to his old ways.

[@SamanthaCSmith-z8z]

I feel like i hear a smile in his voice whenever hes talking about "owning" his mistake and that its "hard" for him and that makes it really hard to believe him. Good luck to their family

[@lisalundwall566]

This guy loves listening to himself talk.

[@MegaLilJen]

And he enjoys hearing himself saying some of the right things to try to get back in her good graces.

[@emsm.7198]

It’s crazy it’s too late. Why give this idiot a chance or hope?? He basically taught him to sabotage another relationship

[@rustyrules4264]

She needs a friend. She should have left him a long time ago.

[@DudeTastic13]

I don't totally agree with that. Yes he hasn't been good to her for over 15 years, but he's now humble enough to realize his problems, start therapy, buy flowers, and call in to Dr. John. Having said that if she left him years ago, it'd have been totally justified. But if she truly wants to give this 1 more try, I think this can be very good for the couple.

[@John2000sBaby]

Shut up 😂

[@MrCarpediem6]

So what's the line of better or worse.. it means working things through.

[@216trixie]

​@@DudeTastic13lol😂😂

[@backpug1228]

​@@DudeTastic13Trust me. That aint no humble pie he is eating. He is furious and scared. And his ego took a big hit. Because he only changed after she told him that she doesnt love him anymore, and that she has a male friendship online. He is now scrambling to not loose HIS status quo. He didnt even really listen and interjected his own comments hard and often when it was about how he should change. And he really quickly brought up his own loss of trust when he didnt really acknowledge the 14 years of abuse and trust breaking he put onto her. Its still about him, hisself and the man he sees in the mirror.

[@Luisblacktop]

Why do i feel like this guys voice and personality match his situation perfectly!!! I felt that way since he started speaking!!!

[@tarzana4]

I went through the same thing. My ex-husband took advantage of me, and he took a good chunk of my money. He would check out other women in front of me. One day, I had it, so I told him, "What the heck dude? Why are you checking out other women in front of me?! That's rude!" His reply, "We wouldn't have this problem if you fixed yourself up more." After four years and four months together, I was DONE. Once a woman is DONE, there is nothing that will change her mind. Once I stopped caring, it was easier for me to leave him. I still left a few months after his dad died, I didn't care anymore.

[@Italianqueen]

This guy called to get some reassurance and to make himself feel better.... He wants someone to tell him,she's not going to leave and it's all going to work out. Can tell he's never been told NO HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! I absolutely can NOT stand this man,all I hear is me,me,me,me. What audacity to mistreat,belittle,and disrespect somebody for 15 years,then when they say listen this isn't working out,I have been talking to someone else. Then and only then this guys wants it to be magically fixed.... ITS OVER!! When this woman told you she feel out of love,it took her some time to feel that and say it out loud,believe her!! You can change everything about yourself,but it's just too little,too late! For the record, I don't agree with cheating or stepping out on your spouse,no matter what reason you have.

[@DericAnslum]

..."I always thought she was beneath me"...with a calm straight even tone...

[@princess3652]

This is my husband!! I haven’t kissed him or hugged him for 2 years. I took a vow and I am a Christian so I won’t divorce, but he broke my heart one too many times. Every time I give and forget, he goes back to being HIMSELF. I finally said I’m not your punching bag, I won’t take your abuse anymore. To be clear, he has never been physically abusive, he is mentally. He is passive/passive aggressive. He plots how he will be mean. Intentionally thinks of ways to sabotage me. I call him out on it now.

[@bionic_bat]

Please do not force yourself to be with this man over religion. Divorce is natural. People separate. Animals separate. Please do this for yourself. You deserve true love. Not this BS.

[@doteflex]

You deserve peace

[@kalinsage1]

Even the Bible gives reasons that divorce is okay, this is one of them ♥️ I hope you find peace.

[@KathleenMariee]

Sweetheart I promise you God would not want you to stay with someone who’s mentally abusive. You are allowed to leave, and you can still be a Christian. God wants you loved and protected, and mental abuse can be just as bad if not worse than physical. I know many Christians who have had to divorce, I know it’s scary, but what’s scarier is staying and losing yourself completely. Pray that God gives you an opportunity to leave. As John says, you’ve got to pick your “hard” because often both paths are hard, but only one leads to a beautiful life.

[@purpurina5663]

"I give you a new commandment: love others as you love thyself" --> you need to love yourself first and that is NOT selfish, that is being 100% who you are because that's who God created you to be. Please don't get a *human interpretation* of God's words as rules to live by. I swear that is NOT God's will for you. You are effectively destroying yourself, a creature of God. Or maybe using religion because you're scared (perfectly natural). Please please don't. Go listen to some NDEs. Absolutely all of them say there is NO judgement on the other side.

[@katrinawagner6842]

This man reminds me so much of my ex-bf and is yet another reason why I'm so thankful for my parents and siblings sitting me down and strongly encouraging me to break things off.

[@dimitragalanaki1098]

Dearest KatrinaWagner6842... I'm so glad that you listened to your parents. Toxic partners destroy a person's confidence and make life unbearable. Greetings from Athens,Greece.

[@DreamAwayLullaby]

I love how he called him out about having borderline personality disorder. AKA narcissist!!

[@amyshhhh]

Borderline and Narcissism are two very different disorders

[@naturesrhythm8506]

Not the same thing.

[@shelbyk7675]

Borderline is different from NPD. They do share cluster B traits though

[@Cafeallday222]

@@shelbyk7675​​⁠I think they overlap a lot, too. Many have both! Imagine..

[@purpurina5663]

"Yup, that guy asked how her day at work was. I never did that" -so now give me a gold star for realizing! JEEZ

[@mamajojovegan]

Something is wrong with this man. You abused his wife for 14 years belittling her, talking down on her , yelling ,very arrogant on her. You expect her to still be in love with you? Now she is chatting with another man, you running mad. How did she put up with this when she is working and making her own money? You pushed your wife. Some women will run to the church , others will run in the arms of another man to get their healing when you treat them badly. This new guy is her support system. You caused your storm. Deal with it dude.

[@davinasquirrel7672]

He sounds like a kid in the playground, wanting some other kid's toy. The toy (or in this case the wife) having no perceived value until someone else wants them. On that basis, I really do not think he will do the deep change needed to turn this around.

[@kirausamaria5409]

He didn't care about treating her well until he realized any other man would treat her better than him easily so she's now considering leaving. If she hadn't done anything he would keep being and asshole to her.

[@daphnezhow9962]

Him saying “Yeah that guy asked her how her day went” FLOORED ME. 😭ain no way

[@Mama.bear.]

“I don’t want to invest anymore in this marriage I’ve never invested in other than buying flowers once.” Abusers won’t give ANYTHING if they can’t immediately see the results they want, or can’t be assured they will get it in time. Him loving his wife for the first time in 14 years isn’t worthy of his time, unless he gets what he wants, so things can return to “normal”. He doesn’t see the need to change regardless of her decision to stay or leave.

[@freedomdance7]

Best answer

[@kristic4472]

forget going back 14 years to "fix it", you can't, and "looking ahead 14 years", he'll see her Happily Married to ANOTHER Man, who treats her right.... hopefully. As soon as he said, "I got her flowers last week!" I immediately went to Miley Cyrus "I Can Buy Myself Flowers!"

[@EpiphanyJane]

How is this guy so self aware, yet completely oblivious at the exact same time?

[@jamiealfenso737]

There's a certain amount of power and arrogance that can come with admitting your wrong doings. When you're this type of dude, it's that feeling of "see I'm the good guy, look at me owning it and holding myself accountable, I'm the powerful one because I'm beating you to the punch" it's that kind of thing. I doubt he believes what he's saying, or if he does, it won't last.

[@ChristianRomero-z5s]

He is panicking. He probably lost his wife at this point. But they are super young, and i hope they both find the love they deserve

[@CyeOutsider]

Yep she's young enough to start again.

[@jemiyawills7208]

Definitely sounds like my first child’s dad . We were together 9 years . Leaving finally was the best decision I ever made . He hasn’t changed still to this day, acts like the world owes him something. My life would be so different if I had stayed in that relationship. I’m so blessed to made it out of that relationship.

[@BigHeartNoBS]

Same! Leaving was the best thing. Alll the best to you. ❤

[@jemiyawills7208]

@@BigHeartNoBS Wish the best to you as well sweetheart !❤

[@Gymtoshi]

“I emotionally abused my wife, found out she doesn’t like me anymore and now my selfish love bombing isn’t working, help.”

[@Greg-r5h]

She's been checked out for a long time and he's the architect. She told him she fell out of love with him. Therapy is 14 years too late. He now lives in the world of Indifference.

[@nmalele0909]

The problem is, she's going to keep doing it because this is the only time she's got a reaction from him in a positive way. If she stops communicating with other guys, he's going to go back to his old ways. They're better off breaking it off.

[@calvinwood7120]

“I’ve been the nicest guy since” 6 weeks out of 14 years… no wonder she doesn’t feel like she can share w this guy

[@groovershowmydog]

I feel validated for the first time in my life. Thank you for this video.

[@dumitriudaniela]

my husband used to do this. He would belittle me all the time, telling me how fat i am (i am actually thin), how big my nose is (is actually normal), how the money i make are so little in comparison to his money, how weird i am, and so on. In my naivety i thought he must be right otherwise he wouldnt tell his wife such things. When i finally had enough of it and started to see how shallow and weak he actually is as a man, one day i asked him, why were you saying those mean things to me, belittling me? His answer - "because i didnt want you to become arrogant and confident". It took me years to realize that i chose a narcissist to be my husband, one that is ready to hurt others constantly so that he would never feel hurt inside. A person who never opened his heart and never wanted to learn how to love and let love in. I was not surprised to hear that recently he had several heart attacks and major health issues. His heart never felt whole and safe enough to know what love is and this showed up in his body. In my opinion, in this case the woman already made her decision, which is "im done". And also, sometimes people need such a hit to their core as this man is getting from his wife, in order to wake up. I dont think though that this dude really wants to heal. He only wants his wife back. Even though he says he owns his past actions, i didnt feel true remorse and pain in his voice. He deserves his wife letting him down.

[@sandialoser]

He needs to dedicate his life to his healing and growth as a man in all aspects. That’s how you make the relationship whole, not by serving or living for someone else’s wants and needs but by properly filling your own.

[@tanyajean]

I agree, 100%. Personal growth is key.