Narcissism is a concept that is overused

[@Amanda-xh8dc]

Thanks for bringing this topic up. I have an abusive relative that has accused many people of having narcissism. It is just another tool they have to emotionally hurt others, and I am disappointed that so many online are promoting this type of behavior. I guess it is easier to "diagnose" others as having a severe mental problem, rather than looking within at your own problems and issues.

[@evagrosz1621]

Related to the subject of the message . In everyday life- diagnoses used in psychiatry and clinical psychopathologies are used in popular terms to harm people . It happens from many reasons , sometime can be a lifetime damage. More and more people forget to respect and understand each other. It is a very important issue.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Yes, it's the weaponisation of psychopathology. Popular use of concepts that are ill understood but are used to pigeon hole and label people in unhelpful and harmful ways. We need more modesty, communication and understanding.

[@justacoginthefkery]

I think the biggest issue regarding the overuse of the label is the lack of healthy discernment. Many ppl are learning a few red flags via short clips & nondescriptive memes with little to no context included as to how true narcissistic behaviors present themselves. Then you have the fact that 1. traits exist on a sliding scale which everyone shows some to a degree every so often; 2. tend to overlap with so many other disorders. That creates the perfect recipe for ppl to toss the label at any simple basic human behavior that stands out & genuinely believe they're making an informed decision. Awareness can be an amazing tool, but it hasn't gone far enough. Now, humanity is stuck walking on the eggshells it's blindly created.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Absolutely right. A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Some people are jumping on a bandwagon that leads them astray. As you say it is a lot more complex and nuanced than what most people realize. Weaponising ideas that are ill understood is always damaging.

[@doctorberkowitz]

You're so wise. I agree that the fad of labeling others with personality disorders is a weapon for dominance. It seems all relationships have become power struggles. People don't know how to relate to one another in terms other than dominance and submission, superior/inferior. How do you get around that? How do you approach relationships or groups that are accustomed to playing this game so that a healthier, more communal, more creative , more authentic way of relating becomes possible? In my experience, if you're not demonstrating dominance, these people will assume you're weak and will attack and abuse you. (or me, really)

[@agnesklocokova5481]

Thank you for your great message. It's very easy to get to conclusion without knowledge ....

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

[@evagrosz1621]

I never agreed to define a man by a category based on a psychiatric diagnosis. I find psychology to be a necessary science to correct the limits of psychiatric diagnosis. It opens possibilities to any human being, whatever disabilities they may have.

[@lindsay5305]

Its my view that bipolar disorder and adhd are also overused

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Agreed.

[@lauriLokkeni9002]

All these terms are overused

[@bryanthomas4907]

Yeah especially ADHD.

[@dianelong8892]

It's a real shame because there are genuine people like myself who have been diagnosed and struggle on a daily basis with the Comorbidity alongside Adhd.It's exhausting and I wouldn't wish this on anyone But lately everyone seems to have it .They've lost their keys twice in one week and say oh I think I've got adhd !

[@lucillasallabank]

That's not up to you to say. If someone is diagnosed with bipolar disorder or ADHD who are you to say otherwise? The reason you think these terms are overused that's because there has been an increase in awareness of these conditions. A lot of people were suffering in silence, now they can find help. Which is good.

[@FroggyFrog9000]

No, Im gonna keep calling out any narcissist I stumble upon, its not my fault that normies misuse terms and misdiagnose others, thats their shortcoming thats their lack of interest in the truth, but for those of us who have experienced it narcisism is pure evil and the more education people get on this the better, since evil fears exposure and the way to grow love in this World is to resist evil and so evolve love.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Exposing bad behaviour is always an important part of standing up to bullying and you are so right that we can't have love without strength and a search for respect. All this can be done without attaching labels to a person. It's about standing against certain ways of behaving rather than making personal accusations.

[@Celestial93]

Iv found when i stopped absorbing content about narcissism and personality disorders , all my relationships started to improve and get better . I think there is a real danger trying to diagnose friends and family. First you are not a specialist and also your treating your friends and family as a character or test subject which can be dehumanising in a way.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Exactly.

[@johnford_]

one of the funny things is we can be assured that when it comes to dividing people amongst each other we certainly succeed in bringing them together for that exact purpose, to fight against each other, but we cannot succeed in bringing them together to love each other.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Yep. That's what we need to learn to do.

[@johnford_]

what date is this new book going to be released? The Art of Freedom: Guide to a Wiser Life.@@EmmyvanDeurzen

[@johnford_]

what date is this new book going to be released? The Art of Freedom: Guide to a Wiser Life@@EmmyvanDeurzen

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

No date yet. I am still working on the final draft. Will keep you up to date. @@johnford_

[@bryanthomas4907]

We love you Emmy!!!

[@Ceekeyz]

I was diagnosed with BPD in the hospital my abuser worked at when I attempted suicide at 18, discredited me for the rest of my life.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Yes, it can be very damning to receive such a diagnosis. It takes a long time and a lot of strength to rediscover that you are so much more than that and that those early difficulties were temporary growing pains and do not have to define you forever after. Sounds like you are on your way though! All the best with that.

[@doctorberkowitz]

Just another thought on this video... I agree that labeling people with NPD is inaccurate and destructive, but I do think there's value in being able to describe a certain type of personality that moves through the world with the fundamental understanding that people act selfishly and ruthelessly, ie. a 'win at all costs' mentality. It's helpful for people who do not function under these rules to be able to 'name the game', so to speak to minimize the damage they inflict. Is there another term that's more accurate? In addition to using the narcissist label as a weapon, I think it's also a first step for sensitive people to identify and learn about the mindset of aggressive people.

[@raphaelam.fagundes4850]

Agreed!

[@limppimento55]

Yes, this is a complicated task. But Emmy’s input is a necessary governor.

[@call_in_sick]

Everyone is a narcissist these days! Personally I think it has more to do with trauma.

[@chancegoldstein]

Brilliant! No truer words spoken!

[@lennykemp1175]

What a compassionate and empathic response. I quite agree that the narcissistic label has become completely overused and fails to see the person behind the traits/behaviours.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Thank you.

[@MG________]

I agree completely. So many issues today being co-opted and distorted by a loud aggressive contingent who are weaponising them for their own gains at the expense of those who need compassion and protection the most. They leave the most vulnerable individuals behind still fending for themselves in a.kind of self pity feeding frenzy - and I don't say that in a dismissive or judgmental way. I just don't like bullies.

[@johnford_]

personally, I think we all suffer from narcissism, as a race of people we never learn all we do is keep repeating over and over again mistakes, history teaches us nothing, the Great War the Second War, Vietnam, 911, and on and on we repeat the process, loss teaches us nothing so many people still sacrificed in wars for those who profit from it. we are so stupid we haven't yet mastered, or nor have we yet learned how to walk in our own footsteps and survive. nothing changes everything stays the same. maybe little things in our own world may change but on a global scale as a whole, we don't change. we are just too caught up in our own little private worlds. it's just my opinion by the way. just the way I see it. the way it is. the way it's always been here now and then have we changed?

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

There is a lot of truth in what you say. I have long believed we need a Copernican revolution in our emotional and relational worlds. Have written about this in my forthcoming book The Art of Freedom: Guide to a Wiser Life.

[@johnford_]

thank you for your reply, you know I don't have an academic background they are just my own thoughts. Where can I purchase or see a list of your books@@EmmyvanDeurzen

[@johnford_]

i found the link

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

Just put my name into Amazon.co.uk or Amazon.com and you will find many of my books. @@johnford_

[@donniblanco5239]

An Awesome Overview - A Term Not Only Overused but Weaponised - Victim Mentality will Always Necessitate Domination, to Shift Blame Away from Self Responsibility - As we are Learning we are what we Create. 🙏🏻💛✨

[@omarthearab81]

I think Narcissism has become a money spinner to condemn others through KZbin videos and social media. I've been called narcissistic but I love greatly and show empathy for others whilst having a positive self-image towards myself.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

It is indeed a concept used to control and put certain people down. It's good to push back on that a little bit.

[@karmabhutia706]

Thank you so much for wish and balanced insights.. I really appreciate this..❤️🤗

[@HRaz100]

Very helpful! Thank you.

[@lucillasallabank]

My mum was a narcissist. She fit all the criteria on npd and I suffered tremendously all my life because of her abuse. A self-centered woman whose world revolved around herself. She was unfaithful to my father several times. She always played the victim and was also verbally and physically aggressive. She was a monster.

[@dianabzy]

Could you repeat the serie you´ve recommended? Very useful your videos, thanks.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

One Day. www.netflix.com/gb/title/81256740

[@chapero1]

The voice of reason!

[@1Strawbz1]

love this 💕

[@johnheart6890]

Lots of problems with this issue. NPD is almost impossible to be diagnosed, because the very people that have it will most likely refuse to go to therapy. Additionally, as narcissists refuse therapy, they drive their victims towards therapy. They torture you until you go crazy yourself. So rather than focus on the diagnosis (and simultaneously rather than focus on the popularity of the term being misused)-anyone reading this out of desperation- just focus on the abusive behavior. if you are a victim of abuse, physically or emotionally, get out and stay out. That part is actually very simple (in principle, but often not in practice because of the machinations of the narc). The term is now being used by people that have no idea how different a narcissist is from a normal human being. It is just like she says in the video. It is being used as a character assasination. Did you know that normal human beings are mean, they lie, they cheat on their spouses, they triangulate, they get angry. You can do all these things as a human being and not be a narcissist. The interesting difference is that a narcissist does these things because they are driven to do them by their narcissism. They will do these things automatically as a defense mechanism. They will have no remorse. They will not have any empathy. None at all. It’s almost like that you are not even there in a narcissist life. You become like a refrigerator or a car, something that they use and move around, but they never actually relate to you, because they don’t have access to themselves. It’s very difficult to be close to a person who will not let you be close because they don’t actually see you as separate from them. Paradoxically To be close there actually has to be separation. When you look at them, You will think that your eyes and ears are telling you the truth, but they are not. You’re looking at someone who doesn’t exist the way that you do. It’s not about just being mean or cruel, it’s about a person existing by using other people to reflect to them who they truly are. Good luck with that. It’s impossible. It’s incurable. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. “Deep down everyone wants to be loved” Really? Everyone? I respectfully disagree. I used to think that was a true statement. I no longer do and I think it is a dangerous assumption to teach people. For most people it is true. But it is not true for all people. People can get damaged beyond repair. It is better to acknowledge the truth even if it is sad and painful. As excellent as your teaching are- they will not work with a narcissist. Do not give some people false hope.

[@limppimento55]

Excellent, but some are incapable of introspection.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

It is something we all have to learn and some start earlier than others. Some try to avoid it till crisis hits them.

[@MariaJMcMahon]

Emmy, I really appreciate your videos, however I disagree with some of your points in this one. There are a significant amount of people in the world who find themselves in abusive relationships with people who, were they to seek a professional diagnosis would in fact receive an NPD diagnosis but never do because they believe that there’s nothing wrong with them. People in relationships with those with NPD need to be able to discern what’s happening to them and why. You do not need letters after your name to be able to identify the clinical features of NPD and the information online around NPD has been a godsend to many people who were being victimised in these relationships and allowed them to heal and make better choices for themselves.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

@@MariaJMcMahon I don’t disagree.

[@lauracooskey9481]

Maybe a distinction can be made between "a narcissist" and a person displaying "narcissistic behaviors." When someone is labeled as anything, the idea seems to be that they were born that way, that it's the essence of who they are. But people CAN learn. Maybe it's not common for someone practicing narcissistic behavior to stop and realize that others' lives are just as important as theirs, but if they wish to change-- and that might involve the "calling out" that i think you are suggesting-- they can. But for that hope to even exist, we can't think that the person is essentially flawed-- a "rotten egg."

[@MariaJMcMahon]

@@lauracooskey9481 The distinction I was making was around narcissistic personality disorder as opposed to someone with narcissistic traits, and my focus was on the victims of those with NPD requiring clarity in order to heal. I think many people are aware that people with NPD and those displaying narcissistic traits were most likely not born that way, but rather developed these problems as a defence mechanism during childhood. It’s important for survivors of people with NPD to have a frame of reference for their experiences to gain clarity and heal. As for those displaying destructive behaviour that harms others, the onus is on them to seek help should they wish to. Clinical evidence shows that people with NPD do not change, though they keep some victims hooked in abuse cycles with false promises of change. Labels exist as frames of reference and are very useful in that context.

[@EmmyvanDeurzen]

@@lauracooskey9481 Yes, I think it is very important to speak about attitudes and behaviours rather than about personalities, as if these are written in stone.

[@EllieBettins]

I agree so much ❤

[@shirleykilbride4555]

❤❤

[@RaymondMurray-i7i]

Don't think you need much clinical training to recognise empathy. Lack of empathy is at the root of narcissistic behaviour.

[@justacoginthefkery]

Yet the very nature of narcs are all about using their facade to go undetected for as long as possible so they can maintain their image of being "normal" & deserving of love. They absolutely can fake empathy in the moment if it suits their purpose.

[@_YohAsakura_]

Its underused. I know it when I encounter it.