Narcissism is an illness - Fact or fiction?

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@butterfly32812]

I LOVE this woman. She gets it better than anyone I've listened to. She understands the individual going through it. Not just the "doctor" or "book smart" side.

[@lukapesun]

and manages to bring this understanding all over the world via videos. WOW!! never spoke to her in person and regarding these experiences listening to her make me feel seen, heard and understood.

[@butterfly32812]

Luka Pešun totally agree!!!

[@michellewright2970]

I love this woman too. I listen to her every day. She is the reason why I am starting to not look back, to go on my own way, to anderstand what happened to me, and to deeply know that : no there is nothing wrong with me…HELL NO!!!!

[@reginaanim8287]

She hits the nail in the right spot

[@engleharddinglefester4285]

I love her too. I know when I love someone, I smile to myself when they pop into my head. She popped into my head the other day and I found myself smiling to myself.

[@TimErwin]

I struggled with the idea that my N mother might be "ill," to justify why she kept hurting me all my life. But really, that doesn't matter. If someone is hurting you, intentionally or not, you need to get away from them. You weren't born to be somebody's punching bag.

[@MsBizzyGurl]

It's up to you to protect yourself. Good that you did.

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Praise the Lord! I was not created to be my mother’s emotional trash can. Nope. Not anymore. I’m out. ✌🏽

[@kw5462]

Same here!! My N mom got a BPD diagnosis in 2007 and has been using it ever since to cop out. "I'm sick, I'm trying, what do you expect!?" Blah blah. Of course she doesn't use the Dx as motivation to continue treatment and get on different meds...

[@privateprivate8366]

Yes and, if they are elderly, whew! It’s a tough one, because people will twist words into pretzel shapes, trying to get you to do for an abusive, elderly parent. They have absolutely no problem, with having your own mother or father, putting you 6 feet under.

[@privateprivate8366]

@louise deprez I agree, to a point. I feel it’s conscious evil, due to an illness. The treatment is the same either way. A boot to the ass.

[@faywuthrich4370]

I just want to weep. Realizing that I have not left a "sick" person is so freeing. It feels that the final weight has been lifted. Thank you.

[@mercedes_420]

@@maggiemae9099 THIS!!! tbh, i feel that if the person is truly narcissistic they WILL be back- just whenever THEY feel like “gracing u with their presence” 🙄 so yeah, DEF be ready to ignore them FOREVER 🤗

[@CodyCole80]

It’s not your fault that someone has a personality that’s unable to be reasoned with. It’s not your job to take another adult’s abuse just because they have had a bad childhood or issues from the past. You can’t fix or change these people. Best to just leave and go on with your life.

[@metalhead5791]

Someone that treats your life and feelings like a game doesn't do because they can't help it; they choose to do it every time. Look for the smirk or attentive look when they know they did something to trigger you just before you react.

[@Linda2]

I went NO CONTACT. It works beautifully, he just couldn't figure it out. He regularly said I needed him. I replied, no I don't. He had himself convinced I did. 7 months have gone by now and I have not heard boo from him. If I see him drive past I just behave like I don't know him. I love the power I feel from no connect. I guess he realises I don't need him. More power to you.

[@cindybaker7153]

I agree with you. Calling it an illness is a cop out. They know what they do. Once I researched narcissistic personality, and pulled away from my family I noticed a how much they plan, strike, and the look on their faces if their plans worked or failed. I’ve learned so much and have learned to stay away from these people. I’m going to say it, it’s not an illness, it’s demonic.

[@natashaevsimon1441]

Listen. I strongly stand by calling him or her for EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE. NO SHAME. NO GUILT. NO WATER IN MY MOUTH to talk the truth, given enough evidence and experience. Narcissistic abusers are destructive. They destroy others. They are what they are.

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

Till now i am still asking this question: they do understand? Or they do not understand.

[@natashaevsimon1441]

@@nataliatorkhova8793 Who they? The narcissist or the public??? However, YOU understand and that's the most important.

[@keelyjohnson630]

Hugs I apologize thank you for assisting.

[@sniffulsquack5608]

attenion seeker!

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

I meant narcissists and destructive people. If talk about public I really not appreciate enablers among them.

[@SSJ0016]

Imagine getting punched in the face by a bully. Imagine then telling your friends that your bully punched you in the face, and having everyone tell you that you don't have a right to diagnose them.

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

This comment deserves more thumbs-up It should be the first sentence in a book that helps people understand narc abuse. Maybe you could write it. 👍😎

[@alinemah5849]

Well said. It drives the point home in REAL terms.

[@LOKI77able]

Nice and fitting metaphor! And by the way, many narcissists seem to be into violent sports...what a coincidence...

[@beverlysermons3754]

They are also BIG in the biker world

[@LOKI77able]

@@beverlysermons3754 Yes I'm sure their presence is massive in both violent and "solo" sports such as biking/cycling

[@BebbaDubbs]

Their normal is often abusive to most people. I don't take it *personally* but I refuse to spend time with them

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

✊🏽👏🏽✊🏽👏🏽✊🏽

[@ChattyLionheart]

That's probably the most sensible comment I've ever read on this channel.

[@BebbaDubbs]

@Esther oh man, feeling like the "crazy one" is the worst. Since I can't save anyone I tend to just be authentic and model how awesome it is to not participate in abuse. It's like dominos now. The thing is, I have a high tolorance for narcissists because they can be really dynamic and fun in short, controlled, situations. So I have a decent relationship with them and they don't take my distance personally because I'm lucky AND I just never falter in my confidence in my choices with them. Period. Ever. They don't try 😉

[@annborn6563]

I hate when people say “don’t diagnose” they’re don’t understand that you have to know what you’re dealing with in order to know how to proceed. But coaches and therapists do this too. I really appreciate you addressing this.

[@nancymurphy1463]

Totally! I find that people will arbitrarily label someone as being on the autistic spectrum or having depression but narcissistic? Oh no, that's a label you must be a therapist to apply...smh

[@baroquefiddle4790]

So true!!!

[@bunille]

Self-diagnosing yourself or others (yes, self-diagnosing doesn't just exist in disorders, you can technially "self-diagnose" someone as smart, kind, or nasty, yet you're claiming such when there's no solid evidence and that in itself is arrogance) never turns out right and only makes you sulk and judge people more. You can do healing without having to throw labels around and dehumanising someone. Especially with narcissism because it's just an excuse you can throw at someone you don't like, it's essentially used as an insult nowadays and the real problem is that there's the same strength in calling someone a narcissist than there is with saying someone has NPD. Illnesses are not adjectives and honestly I really loathe people who say they're depressed when they don't have MDD, because it minimises those who do. Feeling depressed is normal, and everyone is narcissistic in their own way. I'd prefer different terminology such as "feeling down" or "jerk" to seperate them from a diagnosis' terminology, just like it is for anxiety and stress. You cannot diagnose or label someone just because you *feel* like it, you're not a professional and any professional would tell you that because it is innocent until proven guilty. Everyone can act like an NPD temporarily if you egg them enough, but they still will not be diagnosed for the very reason that it doesn't happen to anyone else, only you, and it's not a permanent thing. A narcissist would do it to loads of people all of the time. A person in a bad relationship would only do it to the person in the relationship when there's discourse, and that doesn't even make them the bare minimum of a narcissist by definition's standards. It's become as paper-thin as a buzzword used to slander someone nowadays and literally anyone will label them as that with anything they do. Most people say narcissism when they mean NPD, it's just a shortened version of saying it. So most are actually attempting to self-diagnose someone with it. And still, diagnosing possibility or not, calling someone a jerk when there isn't full proof is still a horrible thing that professionals really should require proof about before they believe a person's claims of slander. A lot of actual NPDs can get away with deflecting onto other people with the narcissism label because this method is not put in place. Narcissists deflect a lot and so those who claim they're surrounded by narcissists should be the top priority of checking whether they're being a hypocrite.

[@gaildevoid4915]

@@nancymurphy1463 we.

[@shavon3651]

@Raphael Oliveira You need to quit wasting your time and money. My old therapist told me I watch to much KZbin when I mentioned npd.Now I know she was a narc getting off on my pain for 3 years. By the time I was completely destroyed by my ex narc, my therapist had the nerve to ask me, "why didn't you listen to yourself the whole time?" I was so pissed because she knew I was right about narcissism but she spent every session trying to convince me I was overreacting and she didn't understand me. On top of that she ghosted me as well by claiming she had an emergency right before our session then moved to another building without rescheduling me. So I'm telling from experience don't waste your time, you have to find someone who gets it and attack these demons head on.

[@venusrising6554]

I have found Narcissists are toddlers who reached legal age. They never graduated from the "terrible twos" & turned vicious. Their TARGETS need the education & help from the Psych community. Thank you Dr Ramani !

[@AntoinetteChanel]

Well…I’ve been describing my narcissist’s behavior as tantruming, so I’d say I agree!

[@ThesySurface]

I love how Maleficent uses their tactics against them :)

[@datdapgotskip]

👍

[@moniquejackson7741]

Well said! Narcs don't change, and the damage happens to those around them.

[@ThesySurface]

Oh and when they send spies on you…you know they’re worried ;)

[@briardan9226]

I had a friend who was abusive and spoke about the abuse they suffered growing up. My response did not go over well when I said "that does not entitle you to abuse others. It should make you sensitive to how hurtful and wrong it is."

[@mandarinadreux9572]

oooh that's a really good reply tho!

[@oklahomaisok]

Yes I agree with that. There was serious abuse in my family. People either choose to internalize it and try to deal with it or they lash out at others

[@redoktopuss1581]

SO RIGHT!!!

[@KitKat-gw4rh]

Good job holding boundaries and keeping that person accountable.

[@joltjolt5060]

They lied. A truly abused person was trained to be a real victim, just lay there and take it.

[@lilylady4778]

I heard this said yesterday: When the narcissists "gets away" with telling their lies, they (the narcissist )then believe they are telling the truth.

[@danieladeutsch1708]

Exactly! They do think so!

[@joseenoel8093]

Possibly, my husband used to have a home business which meant there was cash 💸 in the house! Malignant mom lied in '90 and said my husband said my bro, the quiet child robbed him, which we only learnt of recently. He should have said something but she'd also done other damages and it was just easier not dealing with each other. See you never Mom!

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

This stuff I still try to figure out for myself, do they really believe it or they know they lie.. Coz many times I heard: Face the truth, do not wear glasses, do not you see the reality? And this puzzled me much, coz we all have different points or view even at the same reality.

[@kristins4494]

@lily lady I agree. Their delusion knows no limits.

[@gailrosenberg48]

@@kristins4494 So true! One time I pointed out a GLARING inconsistency in the narc"s behavior and his reply to me was, "If I am self-deceived, God will have to reveal that to me." As someone very close to him who had observed him over decades, I thought myself a good mirror for him, but no, he had to hear it from a Higher Authority. Of course, he never did hear it. Delusion. I moved out a few months later.

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

They just like being mean and manipulative. They feel smart when using gaslight.

[@joseenoel8093]

Oh they're so so clever, how completely and utterly stupid, I didn't know we were playing tennis 🎾, thanks, next time he serves me some backhanded remark I'll say "Where's the tennis ref, you're out of line".

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

@@joseenoel8093 trying to reason with a narc is pointless, they're on their ''movie''

[@ankicazander3464]

Yes. They also think that an honest person is stupid.

[@WhiteAngelLovesEarth]

@@ankicazander3464 yes, I've been told I am really stupid, retarded, low capacity ...

[@ankicazander3464]

@@WhiteAngelLovesEarth That's a regular opinion you will get from a narcissist, unfortunately. If you are not interested in playing people they think your IQ is low. I don't see why I should play people and lie and manipulate them and throw some stupid wits at someone just to upset them. Don't ever change because of them.

[@urch4ever]

Even if you get them into a therapy session. They know how to lie and or withhold information about themselves.

[@wildhorses6817]

Absolutely

[@MariaCeaMIca]

Yes, my narc was notorious for withholding information from me. He didn’t lie much, but the hiding of information & being secretive was pretty much tantamount to lying in my book. I never understood it then, but I sure get it now. So much shame on his part. He would do almost anything to conceal or cover up his shame.

[@pegprather]

And how to be charming.

[@toni-leeblair5869]

My narc father,would flirt with the therapist!..He's just so inappropriate!... Embarrassing!

[@ChattyLionheart]

I have the impression they don't so much lie as convince themselves that the version of reality that suits them is actually the truth, then proceed to try and convince everybody else. That's where word salad comes in: they rant-rant-rant non-stop and it becomes very difficult to spot the things that don't make sense unless you know the story in and out yourself.

[@Dawnsdelightsart]

I don't need to be a meteorologist to tell you it's a hot sunny. Some things are obvious.

[@MeMe-od2mg]

😆 that was awesome! Spot on!!!

[@teal1010]

"...it's not a diagnosis it's descriptive!" *It describes the CONSISTENT negative and toxic behavior Narcissists display! *Finally You are a jewel 💎 Dr. Ramani! Thank You!

[@sadrevolution]

And that description can be so empowering for those of us who are trying to make sense of our experiences with a narcissist. I refuse to apologize or be pathologized for my unwilling and passive place in a narcissistic family of origin. And that should go for us all. No one asks to be in any kind of relationship with a narcissist.

[@CO2isfake]

I think the others are just jealous.

[@raccuia1]

I don't care if it's descriptive or diagnostic or if it's called "poo, bum, tit". All I care about is knowing that these evil sods exist in vast numbers and we, as the abused, should do everything we can to remove them and those that doubt us.

[@teal1010]

sadrevolution 💯Exactly! 💞

[@kelseysmith8355]

I felt this message so hard. The last two years of my life have been hell, but I got out. And I got so far away I'll always be safe. That's my hope for all survivors.

[@savetrump9120]

Glad you got so far away. That's the only thing that works. I feel bad when someone says that they just got out of a relationship with a narc. They think it is all over, and hopefully it is, but for me it didn't end until I moved away and went no contact. Narcs are stalkers.

[@toni-leeblair5869]

Congratulations...and thankyou!.. 🌷

[@oklahomaisok]

It’s a peaceful and sweet feeling to find freedom isn’t it?

[@updatedsnow]

Can you do a video on WHY people are so obsessed with defending narcissists but dont have the same empathy for other people, are they narcissists/a**holes too with fake empathy

[@nancymurphy1463]

The enablers! I think she is doing a series on different types of them coming up...

[@joseenoel8093]

@@nancymurphy1463 oh aren't you clever! I guess they're on board for the excitement and aren't we better than..... For it all! Truly boring!

[@salettamyers8845]

In her video playlists are also videos on flying monkeys- very helpful in understanding more🤗

[@Chill_Jill]

Enablers and Flying Monkeys have to carry Narcissistic traits, as well, in order to stay in the Narcissist's good graces and keep the game alive at all times. They're expected to be Narcissistic toward the Supply, as well, in order to show loyalty. It's such a Psychopathic whirlwind of never-ending D.R.A.M.A.

[@StariaLunar]

Definitely enablers. Whether or not they realize it. A lot of People tend not to see or hear things they don’t want to, and it isn’t something they’re intentionally doing. A good example is the Chris Watts interrogation, when admitting to his father he had killed his wife, his father misheard him as “I hurt her” and Chris had to reiterate it twice more before his father heard the truth, instead of hearing what he wanted to hear. I can’t recall the name of this phenomenon but if I recall correctly, it’s a coping skill the brain performs subconsciously. Because of this, as well as some people growing up with Narcissists using them or abusing them, enablers tend to have a hard time seeing that Narc doing the things that one tries to point out or explain. Or they agree, I.e “yeah that sounds like mom… but she’s done so much!” Or whatever they might tell you, while agreeing, but aren’t ready themselves to face the backlash from the Narc that comes with standing your ground or calling out narc behavior or abuse. Some people are lost causes, and spend their whole lives defending Narcs that hurt them. But I don’t think it’s an active obsession, more so that they’re acting or reacting in ways that their brain registers as “this will keep me safe”

[@jg5930]

It’s easy for people to say ,don’t judge & don’t label ,when they’ve never been in a close relationship with one! 🤦‍♀️

[@aharry31]

No one who has not experienced an evil person of this kind can have an opinion on what they do not know.

[@gooch2353]

Agreed, I'm just now finally losing some of the deep pain I feel in my gut. It's hard to not be consumed by all the realizations of things that happened. I gave everything of myself to this person only to find out just recently they are a Vulnerable Narcissist. Everything I was reading on was almost a perfect description. It finally made sense no matter what I said or tried ever got through because there was nothing there, the worst realization of all. The feeling of being used and discarded after giving it everything is the worst possible feeling for me.

[@jg5930]

@@gooch2353 😢

[@alisondunning7116]

The biggest issue, for now, is to teach people how to recognise the trait, so we can stop putting narcissistic people into positions of power.

[@oklahomaisok]

Teach people to recognize the trait so we don’t get involved with these people in relationships and if we have them in our families or as co-workers we will know how to deal with them right away instead of having to learn and live with it.

[@LoriGeminiTarot]

For those who see this: may you find inner peace, heal from past traumas, and embrace change 💕🙏

[@drgloriareading]

Bless you for this, Lori. Thank you. :)

[@bereal6590]

Thank you 🙋🙏

[@redoktopuss1581]

Thank you

[@AedanGUnit]

I’m mad as hell and I’m not taking it anymore. I am sick and tired of being told “Don’t call a. Narcissist a narcissist”. This is totally wrong. And the world is rife with more and more of them. I’m calling them what they are and if you have been used and abused by one of these jerks, you need to call them what they are. They wreck life after life after life and just waltz away. They NEED calling out. Knowledge in this area is protection.

[@crencottrell7849]

Narcs keyword might suffer from a mental health condition or two or a few (😅😁) but the root cause of them being awful is their own fictional self-entitlement. They REALLY DO believe they're superior to others 😕🙄

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya when depressed or whatever you can fix yourself with chocolate 🍫 or something else which might give you pleasure, healthy people would never abuse others as a way of righting, self-validating themselves d

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

They have two serious illnesses: deficiencies and deficit of heart and soul. This is the main problem.

[@crencottrell7849]

@@nataliatorkhova8793 agree Ms. Natalie btw (you're pretty btw)

[@bunille]

Ditto for serial killers. Are you saying that serial killers are not mentally ill because they know what they're doing and don't dislike themselves?

[@corsicanlulu]

dark-triads lack empathy and some of them - psycopaths - are born that way and that is not considered a mental illness. they know what they are doing generally. i do acknowledge that its sad that there's curently no valid therapy for them.

[@RippleDrop.]

_Disorders_ are not _illnesses._ Illness is schizophrenia etc. Disorders are behaviors which do not fit socially in current society.

[@nancymurphy1463]

And unfortunately narcissism fits all to well into current society...

[@SunofGod]

Schizophrenia is a myth

[@keelyjohnson630]

Level up med knowledge judicial means used us

[@sniffulsquack5608]

i like your description best

[@buzzinbee7097]

💯 Percent true!!

[@lil--mo2025]

Thank you Dr Ramani for being able to look past the academic/diagnostic rigidity. I’ve been saying for years that the only people who truly understand who may have NPD is a well experienced/well educated victim to these types. The abuse from these individuals is worse than physical injuries. It is so insidious.

[@gailrosenberg48]

True. The educated target of this kind of behavior pattern is often all alone in his/her knowledge until he/she accidentally finds another soul that has been similarly shredded. Sadly, it is a secret society because of the shame associated with being abused in private while the entire world thinks the narc is a wonderful, kind person. Cognitive dissonance can drive one crazy but the truth is the great liberator.

[@Anastasia-np1mj]

I’m not a fan of labeling everything as an illness. Having said that, there are aspects of this personality’s traits that are very much driven by a complete lack of empathy. I’d it genetic? Is it chemistry? Is it learned? Can it be undone with meds? More research is needed. My own opinion, and I’m no expert whatsoever, it is ego and learned....

[@nancymurphy1463]

Dr Ramani has a video that talks about this..."How Narcissists are Made"

[@joseenoel8093]

Ya we need to research how to somehow stop allowing when to get away with such absurdities in the first place at our expense!

[@Anastasia-np1mj]

@@nancymurphy1463 it’s my own opinion.... not my expertise. And I value the Dr Ramani for all her information and insight. I just wish I had this information earlier to have avoided these leaches

[@richardbraakman7469]

I think they fall into similar patterns of behavior because those patterns get them what they want. And most of them discover this independently

[@keelyjohnson630]

Exactly more feeding fundamental truths and not gossiping in meanness and bias

[@anybody2501]

Psychology is not rocket science. It does not warrant the same kind of pinpoint accuracy and scrutiny. The idea that someone cannot independently do research and read through the DSM inorder to rule out narcissism as a present factor is about as absurd as suggesting that a person can't figure out how to bake a cake by following a recipe and that such an endeavor ought to be reserved for bakers.

[@nanalovesjesus4080]

Dr. Ramani I personally thank you. I’ve been in this mess of a marriage for 15yrs with a narcissist husband, 10 years of the marriage has been a total waste of my time with him abusing me and his children and our daughter emotionally, before watching your videos and others on NPD I thought I was losing my mind but, all alone I knew something was wrong with him that I couldn’t understand what it was. Knowledge is power, we’re going through the divorce and I can’t wait till I don’t have to deal with him anymore, thank to you.

[@toni-leeblair5869]

Congratulations!... Wishing you a free and wonderful life.🌈🌼🌻

[@playalot8513]

Well done on getting out. I bet the divorce is tough but it will one day be final and then you'll be totally free from the narc. Best wishes for a speedy process and a happy ever after!

[@snowstormonsat]

When I was a kid the only language I had for them was "crazy". Now I have full understanding, and I need it because I have an entire family of them. I'm 49 now and these toxic people never ever ever change. The only way out is to move far away and cut all contact with all of them. There is no other way around it. I'm the only one in my family in therapy. They really do believe they are perfect and everyone else is the problem. They can't change.

[@toni-leeblair5869]

Me too ..they all call me the "eccentric" one!..

[@dvawva5197]

Same. 😑

[@dvawva5197]

Isn't their perfection so hilarious? They are in their own little tired world.

[@engleharddinglefester4285]

I'm the one with the problem! I'm so sick of those people I have no trouble with giving myself that label, no trouble at all.

[@moniquejackson7741]

Wow, had to listen twice. You have taken this conversation to a very much needed new level. Your Courage, Knowledge, and Insight are contributing to a critical Awakening and Empowering in this community and in the world. Powerful.

[@hopefireheart2014]

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ‭‭John‬ ‭8: 32‬ ‭NIV‬‬

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

Thank you. I was blind and now I see. John 9:25

[@changcelest6207]

👍Good

[@lindamcwilliams9056]

This is by far one of Dr. Ramani's most powerful videos. Thank you soooo much for this. I have seen comments and other videos where people are adamant that it's an illness.

[@Dan-ud8hz]

"He was the most prodigious personification of all human inferiorities. He was an utterly incapable, unadapted, irresponsible, psychopathic personality, full of empty, infantile fantasies, but cursed with the keen intuition of a rat or a guttersnipe. He represented the shadow, the inferior part of everybody’s personality, in an overwhelming degree, and this was another reason why they fell for him." ― C.G. Jung, on Hitler and the Shadow

[@privateprivate8366]

Seems the the reality of a narcissistic relationship is to say nothing and: 🎤You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free Hop on the bus, Gus You don't need to discuss much Just drop off the key, Lee And get yourself free🎼

[@maryrichardson6029]

Good One.🤗

[@privateprivate8366]

@@maryrichardson6029 😊

[@belladelray7981]

Amen to that and quickly!

[@stephaniewebb9474]

**ring, ring ring, ring, ring ring**

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

This is awesome Paul Simon ftw! 👍😎

[@user-hy2ji4yb1o]

Wow, there's a lot of narcs defending this disorder in the comments lately... when your foes start following you, you've won!

[@theguaable]

Also maybe it's because of Covid, they may be finding it harder to abuse people in person, so they go online instead

[@mandarinadreux9572]

I've noticed that too. For some reason it's only narcissism that's supposed to go blame-free. If someone behaves shitty because they're bipolar or something, everyone will say they're a crazy b*tch. Makes me think it's being perpetuated by narcissists out there

[@nancylachenauer8437]

I wish I could up vote this at least a hundred times!

[@LumpyChoadGravyBoy666]

This world is for the narcissist. I've never felt at home.

[@olhalundgren6668]

😢

[@zhill8511]

It’s hard. With the rise of social media no longer being focused on connection but fame, it will get even worse.

[@MelodyLovesMusic]

You are so right, and I used to always feel that way too, in fact, people that have known me like co-workers and neighbors have told me that "I'm not of this world" meaning that I live my life in a spiritual manner, ( my way. ) I have taken this life, and live it my way. I share with who I want, and those that I don't see as loving, or kind or trustworthy, I simply push aside casually without offending anyone. It's the only way, for me to handle and deal with things that I don't agree with. Spiteful, selfish,, hurtful people I simply don't make time for. That's how we avoid these types. I try to make myself not available. I'm not better than anybody but my values are different and I won't take less. There is no excuse for narc behavior except that they're petty. And we can all do better than that. Just because somebody dropped them on their heads when they were born, does not give them the right to take out their pain on someone that is kind to them. There is no excuse for abusve.

[@LumpyChoadGravyBoy666]

@@MelodyLovesMusic I agree entirely. However, I was dropped on my head - likely a few times, also experienced abuse on all levels without diving into personal, unnecessary, detail - and I'm not out abusing unsuspecting individuals (unless you count the sting that can come from ultimate simple truths and reality) or playing a game with someone they didn't even know they were playing. I wouldn't exactly say I have much of a life either, but I still generally mind my own business unless provoked otherwise. They obviously know their fabricated nonsense is - well, nonsense...or why else would they need a manipulative arsenal in the first place. Literal insanity comes to mind...how they're not deemed mentally ill or insane is beyond me (Other than the fact that it's likely because again, we're in a narcissistic world, unfortunately and sadly enough). Live and let live under manipulation I suppose. I can see these scum bags for exactly what they're now, so that's great...kind of...sort of sucks when you realize these soulless creatures seem to be nearly everyone within society, though. Makes me feel as if I'm the one who has a personality disorder.

[@MelodyLovesMusic]

I completely agree & understand you.

[@TheNCWrapRevolution]

Being in a marriage with a narcissist who is also a known alcoholic, gives opportunity to the flying monkeys and the narcs sympathizers to claim that it's bc of the drinking problem. He acts like this towards you bc hes an alcoholic? Domestic violence is never ok.

[@stephenhanchey594]

My wife is an intelligent/beautiful woman, but also a covert narcissist/alcoholic with a narcissist mother who enables her. She has destroyed me emotionally, I’m physically sick and scared for the future of me and our children.

[@NancyBrown1975]

This is when we can talk about “craved”- which stands for narcissists who are people that are: c-highly conflictual, r-rage full, a-antagonistic, v-vindictive, e-entitled, and d-dis regulated when they can’t deal with or don’t want to deal with the word narcissist.

[@yearight1205]

I learned from watching my mother that it's literally a feeling they REALLY want to experience. It's just an addiction, she wants to act the way she does. If she can't she walks around acting insanely glum. It's become her way of life. She can change, doesn't want to.

[@edennis8578]

Narcissists can pretend to be nice, but it's just an act to control you. Everything they do is aimed at control. They don't feel love or sympathy or happiness, so they can't emotionally connect with you. They have a compulsion to control; that's all. Some narcissists don't even have the self awareness to realize that's what they're doing; those narcissists will honestly believe that you are abusing THEM when you don't remain under their control. Listen to HG Tudor's channel; he describes how the narcissist thinks and operates from a narcissist's perspective.

[@susanmercurio1060]

5:40 What's happening in mental health care is that psychologists/psychiatrists think of psychology as occurring *inside* the person's head, and they ignore everything that is going on outside the person. I felt much more at home when I started studying sociology, which focusses on the group. The effect on the people around the narcissist would be more important if mental health professionals would get out of the person's head.

[@therenegadepianotechnician5170]

The group dynamics over-all are also important. BUT,whats going on in this NPD persons head can be very depraved.

[@NicholsKT]

YES, YES, YES!!!

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

Absolutely agree. I also do not understand this saying: is all in you. It is only right when you talk about yourself and your inner peace. But whenever you are in and group, society, community, we are all interellated and influence each other wellbeing this or that way. I teach, now I can clearly see that sometimes sadness of a student is not in his head but in and group. Sometimes just someone hurts and makes him depressed.

[@nataliatorkhova8793]

I used to have and student who is little touchy. For some reason my assistant always picked on her. The girl was crying at times and was labelled like and depressive, negative. As soon as my assistant left, that girl was shining, opening up and absolutely happy, I am kinda soft with kids, she just probably needed and soft teacher. I saw and absolutely different girl, willing to learn, happy. We are connected really.

[@MariaCeaMIca]

Susan Mercurio, so maybe sociologists should start studying narcissism. Yeah, that would have a tremendous effect on how we view narcissistic personalities in our society, positions of leadership, etc.!

[@GreenEnvy.]

"When they start getting all gold water on my ass, I don't buy it." -Dr. R MIC DROPPED.

[@jessicaaudate]

Dr Ramani said what she said 🙌

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Fairly sure she meant Goldwater, as in Barry Goldwater. Wiki "Goldwater Rule" for background. She also mentioned the Goldwater Rule on a vid a while back.

[@bobtaylor170]

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 , yes, but I hope she will clarify it in the future.

[@Beauty_bydeborah]

I've heard that before "STOP DIAGNOSING PEOPLE!!!" and at this point im like lol I dont care!!! Only WE know what we went through we these people, please, they're not ill, it's who THEY ARE. There's no cure for a personality. Thanks for making this video Dr. Ramani!!

[@Outdooracademe]

Before the use of the word "narcissist ", they were just called a-holes, and that is exactly what they are. But remember, healthy happy people do not act like that.

[@dragonfox2.058]

several of mine shaded into psychopathy

[@Truthseeker0926]

Lol!!!

[@xenosuki]

Some people are walking on eggshells when they talk about their abuse from a narcissist in order not to "stigmatize" the disorder. This is a very sneaky way of silencing people. Talk about the abuse, inform other people and save lives.

[@richardjones2455]

The collapse of many civilizations can be traced back to the catastrophic influence of people with these "personality styles."

[@LOKI77able]

Take them all out and mankind (and indeed the whole planet) will instantly change immensely for the better

[@catielove5096]

And here we go again! Generations of worshopping and rewarding narcissism have normalized criminality, predation and child sacrifice.

[@oklahomaisok]

@@LOKI77able It would be a peaceful place to live where we could prosper without all the BS they cause wasting time & energy & resources. Imagine getting back all the time we wasted trying to deal with them the best way we could.

[@LOKI77able]

@@oklahomaisok Indeed. Some may of course argue that the world would in some ways be less exciting without them due to the low frequency of conflicts, but this is utter nonsense: on the whole a society and a planet earth where fights, conflicts and violent arguments are few and far between would in fact be a far more exciting place, one where a huge lot gets done and accomplished thanks to people living and collaborating peacefully and constantly showing empathy for each other.

[@oklahomaisok]

@@LOKI77able That’s exactly the type of excitement I don’t need. If I want excitement there are a thousand other things I can do without having them around.

[@davidhoch5231]

I Know Because Ive Suffered 40 Years Of Abuse Bullying And Torture By My Evil Malignant Narcissistic mother

[@dragonfox2.058]

If narcissism didn't seem to carry a handbook it might be more difficult to see. But once you see it you can't unsee it, the patterns are there

[@janetjohnson9690]

I don't know. I think certain people just feel like they can just treat people any way they feel like it. It makes them feel powerful and in control.

[@edennis8578]

You just described narcissism in a nutshell. The only things they feel are power, control, or not in control. Everything they do is aimed at feeling power and controlling everything and everyone around them. They pretend to be nice in order to exert control, and they abuse in order to exert control. If they leave you alone, that just means that they don't need you at the moment so you're off their radar.

[@travis6694]

@@edennis8578 that is crazy good insight and explained well. I went through love bomb and then disvalue and discard twice before I learned about all of this stuff.

[@dvawva5197]

"Living it," qualifies anyone to be their own expert.

[@nickbargas7352]

It is almost IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to understand what a person feels from being in a narcissistic relationship that has dealt with the love bomb, gaslight, devalue, silent treatment, rage etc.. unless they have lived it! I was clueless until it happened to me and once I learned about the disorder I looked back at the relationship from the first day of meeting this "person" and I can see every little detail how I was being sized up and primed for the purpose of being a source of supply. It was in deep self evaluation of asking myself as to why I allowed bad behavior to continue that showed me what I needed to see. This experience/event in my life has been the most impactful and rewarding that has led me to certain levels of self awareness that I never knew existed. I had to go through the darkness to see the light.

[@oem8530]

This. :)

[@justlookalittledeeper9953]

Narcissists create themselves and act like they're a masterpiece. Once the monster is made, their trauma is hermetically sealed.

[@WinterMorris]

Had to look up hermetically, new word so apt. Thanks

[@birichinaxox9937]

I wish everyone just focused on behaviour and patterns. There is a difference between ppl that behave and double down instead of improving despite any support they are given. This idea of individualism and ignoring the ripple effects on each other is so damaging.

[@pattilynch1914]

Question: are all persons who have a pattern of narcissism abusive? I personally would think so.

[@dorothyhawkins4278]

The DSM and psychiatry and psychology in general have relied on observed patterns of behavior rather than having the LARGER CONVERSATiONS around mental health/mental illness in general: childhood trauma, addictions, etc.

[@nancymurphy1463]

Thank you Dr. Ramani! This video made me feel so validated. I keep having conversations with people I think are 'safe' only to be told narcissism isn't something I, or they, have a right to "diagnose." And yet they will label the person as "probably just autistic" without having any kind of diagnosis to support it.

[@dorothyhawkins4278]

The abuse of the narcissistic person upon others is what helps produce the other disorders seen in the DSM....when will that aspect be addressed in the field?

[@TA-lt1ph]

I have been thinking about this very topic lately. How many of us have developed serious disorders due to the abuse. I would like to know if abuse of any type can actually cause mental illness, especially when a childhood is marked by the abuse. Interesting and needed study.

[@yukio_saito]

I don't engage with someone who says something like "Don't diagnose it as narcissism." They may be enablers rather than lack of knowledge. Don't go DEEP into enablers, too.

[@gladyscuervo2212]

Amazing. Simple. Profesional and humble. I wonder if we they can change their personality with therapy… But Doctor is right. Many of us had child traumas but we are still good and kind with others…

[@spunstelele]

The more reactive narcissists that create trouble and fight with the boss, will usually not survive long at workplaces, etc. or they are seen as problematic people, etc. But the more manipulative insidious ones are the dangerous ones that will play their cards well, and they become the allies of maybe possible already narcissitic bosses and they become their right hand. These types create imaginary enemies that are victims to be abused. It is not provable but I think that these evil people with power can commit crimes through others as well by putting people against one another, and even using all kinds of influences so that they get angry and maybe drive into the masses and so on. From what I have experienced in my own life I do not know if they do it, but it is fully possible. They were not angry with me because I did anything to annoy them, I was simply a convienient victim.

[@jeremyorr]

"How do you know person X is a Narcissist" "Well, I studied in depth, the Characteristics and traits, and then applied a formula to person X to determine the not only how often traits manifested, but the degree to which they manifested based off various scenarios they where in. "you're not a Dr, and you don't have qualifications" "I'm also not a construction worker, but i know there are different standards of insulation requirements based off of different climates around the word" "So you're saying you can build a house,,, " "I'm saying I don't have to have a PhD in Bullshit to know bullshit when I hear it"

[@ItsMe-fs4df]

NPD - It explains the behavior, it does not excuse it. Something we have to repeat over and over again, when family victims try to make excuses for the NPD father.

[@dancepassages4969]

I always feel it needs a new title as it is not an involuntary mental disorder but rather a conscious choice; they chose their targets. They chose when to put the mask on and when to take the mask off. As wicked as it is, it truly needs a deserving title. Something like ‘abusive manipulative inflictor’. Call it what it is... they’re inflictors, dominators, abusers, manipulators, sadists.... anything but personality disorder. Dr. Ramani, I feel you are the best person to work toward changing this in the diagnostic manuals. You see the full picture. It is rampant. The global powers that be to personal relation; it’s quite literally pandemic;)

[@mariesantos6041]

Perhaps it may be a demonic or unclean spirit doing what they do 🕵

[@jinxkrug7000]

My Narcissist went with me to 3 separate therapists. At first it was marriage counseling and I think that he went because he was sure that he was going to be told that he was right or wonderful and that I was the one who was ruining or marriage by giving his laundry list of things that I had done. The therapist asked questions and just listened to the both of us that first session. She gave us " homework to do " for the next session in a week. We went home and nothing was done by him or us together.??? I don't know why, but he sure did resist us doing this group project. When we went back, she asked his questions verbally and listened to his answers. My turn next. I gave her my paper and she read mine quickly but concisely. Then turned back to him. She went through my answers and asked if he had any idea why I wrote this or that compared to his answers, and asked if he had any reasons why our recollections were so very different. I don't really remember what he said but the more she pressed him the more irritated he became, and suddenly he asked her why she was picking on him and why wasn't she asking me anything? She told him that she was trying to give a chance to address the differences first. So he unpuffed, a bit and carried on for maybe 2 more questions and said he was done. She said OK,We will go to me. It was so long ago I don't remember what she even asked me, but I answered the question and the next thing I know she said in front of us both " I am not telling you that it was easy living with an adolescent Male " and he blew up and stormed out. When I finally got out to the car, totally dreading driving home with the enraged driver, I have to say it was the scare of my life. My last statement is that you said there are people and therapists who don't want to stigmatize people with the label of NPD or even call them a Narcissist. But still stigmatize all of us by filing for their services under the heading of psychotherapy. Really what difference at that point does it make what they call us. Narcissists or Victims of Narcissistic Abuse?it all sucks.

[@MariaSantana-ul5wd]

It's nearly an impossible situation for society given that a narcissist will NEVER recognize that their behaviour needs to change especially with enablers in the mix.

[@philmorrison6898]

I’m afraid that narcissists are programmed from early childhood. Raised by controlling parents with little empathy! Sad really! Empaths seem to be source of food for them I think.

[@edennis8578]

Yes. Listen to HG Tudor's channel. He's a diagnosed, self-aware narcissist who describes narcissism and how narcissists operate, how they think.

[@travis6694]

Or neglectful parents that never gave attention to there children.

[@dhanyaslifeventure]

My strong opinion, its a fact.Illness can be cured,can be sympathized,can be treated.This is a terrible fact,which slowly shows it's true colors.

[@Stopit77]

Thank you for this. I thought if it was listed in the DSM then is was a diagnosis. I appreciate the clarification.

[@SunofGod]

Lol those people who say "don't diagnose or title" but they the first to title people. Those are narcissists as welll

[@joseenoel8093]

They've certainly made feeling ill, ill at ease, ill to smile and ill thinking about them and what they've done and what we might be in store for! No contact no problems! Xox 🌈🎠😘

[@eddierayvanlynch6133]

Over five years NC, so I agree it's a gift we desperately need to give ourselves. Hell, we've earned it. Keep swinging, Josee! 😉👍

[@joseenoel8093]

@@eddierayvanlynch6133 thanks sugar, nice to see you! 😘

[@yaffaNC-17]

Dr. Ramani, can you please discuss about the narcissists that actually do go see a therapist. They go and talk about their woes and justify and get validation for their behavior. They then reek havoc and then when you point out their lash outs they accuse you of gaslighting. Those are the narcos that are even worse to deal with. Yesterday I got attacked for stating “did you lose weight” and “how are you doing” as a conversation starter with someone I haven’t seen in a few weeks. This person lashed out with rage under the pretense of boundaries. I asked what is the matter? “You’re making me feel like there is something wrong with me” was the answer. “Learn to be kind and respect my boundaries”. That apparently is the way they deal with something when they don’t want to talk about something. And it’s those same therapists that handicap them even further by validating their reactivity under the guise of boundary protection. This “me against the world” thing has gotten out of hand in society in general.

[@d.shermandesantos3570]

It's Sunday and you just took us to church. Thank you. It's about time someone said it.

[@Filthy_Larry]

For real.

[@kimberlyseibert2437]

When you have been with one...you know it...there is no other word to describe the hell that that these people dish out....

[@christyr5649]

Dr Ramani, I love your straight forward approach to these videos! I am a very very thankful listener! I like that you do not beat around the bush. From all of your listeners I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for your dedication. This is a very timely and super important topic that needs to be continued to be brought up and talked about with as many people as will listen and will hear you! Thank you for taking on this topic. Thank you for continuing to share your views, your knowledge and your expertise 🌹🌹!! I have learned SO much!

[@martiemcbride9420]

In the 1980’s nobody used the term. I got an MA in Clinical Psychology in 1989 - codependency was the buzzword. So much shame and responsibility was piled on in those days. Lovely to think enlightened people like you can help us survive the toxic wave of narcissism. Gray rock, Firewall, DEEP- incredible tools. Thank you. I wrote in 2 parts - first time I ever left a comment. I’m 72.

[@blessingfarm3674]

I liked the last bit about the word narcissistic being a descriptor, and that would be very helpful if people were accepting of it, but how, without a diagnosis, do we help the children and/or non-narcissistic parent/partner escape the narcissist legally? It is a terrible conundrum.

[@jds0981]

This spoke to my inner trauma-bonded nurse, THEY ARE NOT MY PATIENTS.

[@jaimhaas5170]

NPD in 1983? That is interesting. Imagine what has yet to be added. I am sure the USA (and our culture) will lead the world in coming up with new ones.

[@therenegadepianotechnician5170]

The thinking of a severe narcissist is depraved. Extremely toxic, They cause enormous harm to those around them ,but also themselves. They are mostly emotionally dead, incapable of any deep and meaningful connection with another person (love.) thier relationships all fail. Being nearly impossible to deal with often, they find themselves with many enemies embroiled in conflict. That is a mentally SICK person to me.

[@sw1564]

My therapist got so defensive and actually angry at me for calling my mother a narcissist in our last session...she started defending my mom and making excuses for her behavior. I felt so invalidated and started to question my own reality (as a victim of narcissistic abuse is conditioned to do anyway), but I quickly realized that this lady does not know my reality, because she did not live it..I did!! so thank you so much for this video. It was literally perfect timing for me, and I will absolutely not be going back to that therapist.

[@toni-leeblair5869]

Great choice,not going back. Good luck moving forward. Have a lovely life! 🌻

[@GJCHSMM]

Demonic, evil behavior by willing or just available vessels.

[@tauruswinds37]

Their demonic ...... and enjoy their brand of evil.

[@karenmattice3820]

My husband had a narcissist personality. I know the family he came from so I get it. However his better (smarter) then you attitude gave him is license to beat me, physically & emotional. Of course he didn't behave that way outside the home; street angel, house devil. He learned this from his parents. I was his whipping post for his life. I know other people who have had awful childhoods & they don't act that way.

[@dtatman7]

I was able to "diagnose" a compound leg fracture even though I'm not a Dr because the injury was so obvious. The worst narcissists are also obvious.

[@elizabethlavicka271]

I diagnosed my dysautonomia and only went to the cardiac doc for confirmation on record.

[@sononfya]

Great video! I'm with you. Narcissism is one of those things that keep coming up. You're so right to call it a descriptor. Conscientious people are aware when someone/thing is "off." Lazy thinkers, for a number of reasons, discourage conscientious ones from simply making intelligent observations. And then when the worst happens, naysayers rarely see how their role enabled the tragedy. Be encouraged, Dr. Ramani. The United States is also enduring narcissistic abuse post #45... Your work is divinely inspired.

[@kristinewaithaka2947]

It's the realization that narcissism is a personality that gave me the final straw to leave an abusive marriage. You can't change your personality...it is who you are. It is your person. Thank you Dr. Ramani for clearing this up.

[@savetrump9120]

But narcissists will change their personality(s) according to who they are around. If one doesn't work they will switch to another right in front of your face, or as soon as your back is turned. I've seen the mirroring go to such an extreme that it is mind blowing. The narc will change into an entirely different person and act like the last personality that they were was actually a totally different person that doesn't exists anymore. What gets me is why do other people fall for it.

[@kristinewaithaka2947]

@@savetrump9120 their personality doesn't change they just act out what they think will get them through to other people. They distort facts, manipulate, gaslight and deceive. Its exhausting for them to pretend to be nice and that's why they lash out at you at the end of the day. Personality is what makes you, you can't change it.

[@savetrump9120]

@@kristinewaithaka2947 sorry, you are 💯 wroung. 🙂 there is absolutely nobody home. They are not playing a game, a game is all they are. You can try to peel the layers of an onion away and at its core, what do you have, an onion. I gave up trying to talk to the narc, a total waist of time.

[@kristinewaithaka2947]

@@savetrump9120 and that's my point. Once you realize it's their personality and there's nothing you or anybody else can do then you save yourself time, stress and heartbreak.

[@TruckerNyaG]

Dr Ramani, You are literally amazing, its so tough watching your videos, I was so manipulated, gaslighted so much to the point where I started thinking you were the one lying but what you saying is the actual truth. Thank you so much, you saved my life.

[@glorrioussgg8412]

Dr Ramani what are the layers of Narcissism

[@kaworunagisa4009]

I found a workaround. I don't use "narcissism" as a single word anymore, I use "narcissistic personality type" instead. Has been working for me so far.

[@ildikof1606]

The DSM actually calls it a "psychosocial disability", and I think that is an apt description. It is also a "maladaptive personality style", as Dr Ramani says. It is definitely unchangeable, and it does harm other people much more than it harms the narcissists themselves.

[@WatchThatDene]

I like how you compared narcissism to other personality traits for clarity. After all, we don't have a 'Selfishness Personality Disorder' or a 'Stubborn Personality Disorder'. Not every negative personality trait is a mental illness. Overdiagnosis simply gives people the license to excuse their own poor behaviour and detracts from people with genuine illness.

[@usernameluis305]

"You cant call someone narcissistic, youre not a doctor! "Man you must be crazy. You must depressed and anxious too"

[@drawl1591]

People are more concerned about whether some is "crazy" than they are genuinely bad people

[@m.g5796]

Dr Ramani, you always will be remember as the first woman who saw first and by far what millions of psychologist psychiatrist in the world could not see. One day what you said will become a reality changing for example that narcissism is a personality disorder etc . Your vision is so advance that very few can see what you already see completely clear. You are a psychology GENIUS , Thank you so much you are making so much good in this works you are a AMAZING SOUL 🙏🏻🌟🌹🌸💐🌺🌷🌻

[@dedicatedstudent5687]

@DoctorRamani I broke my comment up into two because of the length. Thank you for providing us with this amazing content!!!💕💕💕🤓💕💕💕 I wrote the following and it correlates with what you stated in today's video post: A person who is truly a victim of narcissism starts to notice the patterns of the narcissistic behavior, and in turn as a result, said victim (per giving the narcissist the benefit of the doubt): believes that said patterns are a result of an unconscious phenomenon rooted in poor/conditioned habits (per generational habitats): that the victim then believes the narcissist isn't truly aware of the various cues that triggers those negative patterns of behavior: and thus desires to bring awareness to said negative behavior (for the victim doesn't realize: at first: that what they are dealing with is truly a narcissist): will then (with good intentions) relay the various accountants where this negative phenomenon keeps/kept taking place (for per reason: in not being presumptuous as to assume that the person they are dealing with is a narcissist: believes rationally: that with awareness; the negative patterns could then be realized, and thus be avoided in the future by the person (narcissist) in question). There is a reason why the adage: "History repeats itself" exists: because if the issue is never directly addressed: then the pattern would continue to happen given the narcissist's cognitive dissonance per their sense of entitlement: via the "Manifest Destiny" mentality: per the narcissist's belief (perceived right): to obtain everything for nothing: in which costs people (their victims) not only their livelihoods but overall life (resulting in death to many: and generational repercussions as a consequence of the narcissist's actions). The narcissistic person would say that the victim's attempt at an intervention: is an attempt to impose upon them: manipulative intentions to restrict their "Free Will": all the while knowing that their (the narcissist's behavior) doesn't just affect the narcissist in isolation: but affects the victim's life inspite the victim's desire (free will) to not be negatively affected by the narcissist's negative behavior or decisions. In turn: Free Will is not the issue: it's the Diffusion of Accountability and Responsibility regarding consequences that the true problem resides. Say for instance a predator (let's say the Zodiac Killer: who has a family history of horrifically abrasive male figures) waits in the alley and decides to beat, rape, and murder a woman for walking home from work. When questioned: he merely states: that the woman willingly walked into the alley by her own volition and lost all of her possessions as a consequence. His statement is then spread across the vast media forums, and as a result: the public (because of the status quo in which favors his demographic: the system in which were created by the very men who look like him: would pardon his crime: since said men were no different from him: per being predatoral as well), sees the woman then at fault (Diffusing Accountability and Responsibility onto the victim: for not only walking into the alley in the first place: but too claiming her to be at fault for not having been able to protect her own virtue): the public never knowing that the reason why she was walking through the alley was because she was working late to obtain overtime to pay for a higher education in which would allow her to work less hours for a higher income: so she could be done with her shift during the day: so she could be home where it was safe. That she was working to obtain enough money to obtain her own transportation: so when she did work late: she wouldn't be stuck having to walk the shortcut to save time getting home per having missed the last bus/train. That finally she was working to obtain the ability to be proficient in self defense...all the things in which cost money for a person to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, and independent (since if she would have asked for assistance: the system would have labeled her as a burden: along with the same public who would condemn her before ever truly knowing her or her circumstances). The predator who killed her, had taken great offense:For to him...who was she to be doing what he refused to do: which was working to earn what one wanted: as opposed to feeling so entitled as to take it from another instead. What the predator doesn't tell you is that, to him per his mindset revolving around competition per the promotion of the system which demonstrates preference regarding him: she (per her existence) "one-upped" him: because she had the Self Efficacy to believe she could earn what she wanted as opposed to having to wait in an alley to steal it from someone else. So to discredit her resolve: in one action: the predator would claim to have undid all she had strived for: because the system allowed for him to do so. The predator wanted to prove to himself that he didn't have to work to earn anything since the system would reward him for taking it instead. The system would align in agreement to him per the status quo: implying that the woman should have been at home: cooking and cleaning, as opposed to striving for anything more. For Historically speaking: said system: denied women the right to work for their own wages: let alone obtain any inheritance. The women were thus then forced to self-debase in order to survive: by either being chosen by a man for marriage (becoming whatever suited his desires: that she may not just obtain but maintain her security: often times in great humiliation to herself because the man she married knew she was dependent upon him for her survival as she had no other choice but to submit to his various whims: in which he considered as forums of entertainment per that of his entitlement) or prostitute her dignity away to every man on the corner: since the men during those times refused to make a dignified way for a woman to survive on her own. The history is VERY important: because it was often the predators that were fathering offsprings, and either because the women could not adequately care for the child (let alone themselves) because of the system that was imposed upon them (to take care of what the entitled father (per choice) neglected: for fear of his reputation: or because he perceived taking Accountability and Responsibility for fathering the child: would be perceived as an entrapment: thus a violation of his will to be free), or because said fathers wanted to manipulate their sons into Insecurity: often neglecting the child purposely because the father did not see his son as an extension of himself: but competition (regarding the concept of entitlement: to see whose will would prove/reign dominant) under perceived glory in the veiled eyes of that of the public/masses: that then their offspring's are narcissistic in turn. So since for centuries: diffusion of Accountability and Responsibility was permitted: these predatoral men could cheat, beat, and even kill their wives (or anyone they perceive to be a threat to their vanity), and blame the victims for the predators transgressions. The history regarding how said men treated women, explains the discrimination and prejudices witnessed by women in now more subtle (passive) ways via emotional harassment: to make sexist jokes to discredit the woman's place in whatever field she proves to be a perceived threat: via the narcissist's outcome expectancy via their conditioned entitlement (per their cognitive dissonance: that women should always be beneath them without exception). This is proven even in the concept of insulting a person: for such profanity used to insult a person: are diction designed to insult the woman: even when being stated to a man (i.e. you son of a b****: insults the mother: not the son (for the son is still acknowledged as the son): you f****** b****: insults the female version of the canine: you wh***: for even placing "man" before the word wh***: stating: you man wh***: still acknowledges the man as the man while still insulting the woman: for what profanity actually insults the man and not the woman associated with him)...

[@dedicatedstudent5687]

(Continuation...): (Mother F******: should also be included in the profanity list that attacks the woman: via the mother) These women (and various victims) shouldn't have to be uprooted, and alot of the times: when they do leave (to achieve peace): they are stalked because the narcissist uses artificially constructed discord to make themselves relevant to said victims (because in truth the victim wants to move on, but how can they when they are constantly reminded of the narcissist's disdain or outright hatred: per every action the said narcissistic predator makes against them: reminding the victims of past trauma the victim wishes to eradicate from future events). The victims have the right to not be made as perpetrated victims given the narcissist's negative actions/behaviors. So my point is: the victim isn't trying to control the narcissist's will or consciousness: but is trying to create a structure (environment) that doesn't thrive on/promote self-debasement for survival. If the predator in the alley way example had more self-respect for himself: he would of had the affinity per his self efficacy to earn his living: to go out and work: as opposed to lurking in alley ways stealing from those he claimed himself "better" or "superior" than. For what system truly ensures protection for the woman (or various victims): that when the moment the man posed himself as a threat to her: per his choice: by stopping her from getting home: said system would have held him accountable for the offense of harassing her. Saving her life, instead of allowing for her Free Will to be both imposed upon and defiled by someone else's action: as an outcome of their choice. For why would she (the woman in question) have needed to suffer for a decision someone else had chose to make (which was to willingly steal: per their entitlement (and not because of desperation of not being able to get a job because of their tone of skin, or cultural difference but because said predator was taught that he didn't have to work if he didn't want to work: since others could always be made to work for him: by imposing upon their free will instead)? If such predators were held accountable and responsible for their inability (or unwillingness) to check their negative impulses: which drives them to impose their will upon others: the world would be a much different place since they then would have to consider the very negative consequences their actions would impose upon their own individual selves as a result...

[@oliviafox3310]

A person with a bad history is still responsible for how they treat others. So a narcissist is responsible for their actions and how they harm others. I observed my sister increase in her lack of empathy, manipulative abilities, illegal actions, lying, destruction of others property. It started small. At certain points she realized she could get away with more outlandish behaviors. So she ran with it.

[@harleyquinn5774]

Same with mine.

[@peterknyk1942]

The narcissist in my life is pretty messed up so I'm pretty certain that it's an illness of some sort!

[@joseenoel8093]

The shake their messed-up-ness onto you, your narc might appear normal outside the home but you'll see them at their worst, abusing you is their med, gives them strenght and purpose in life! Pls don't be offended, I'm sure I might be wrong but keep learning, you'll get it!

[@peterknyk1942]

@@joseenoel8093 You are so right! And, I am certainly not offended! Lol! Thanks!

[@amarnamizelle8432]

Narcissists target certain people. Notice next time how they treat people in authority or someone who they think can do something for them. Make no mistake, narcissists are aware and in control of what they’re doing at all times. Narcissists don’t have any guilt or shame when they abuse others. They just use that excuse when they’re confronted with their behavior.

[@peterknyk1942]

@@amarnamizelle8432 thanks! So well stated....all of what you said makes a whole lot of sense.... The difficulty was watching her "suck up" to the sycophants and enabler's and flying monkeys and then treat me like crap..... yes, for certain they are very calculating and in terms of applying the guidlines of the "narcissistic playbook" they are very adept! Yukk!🤮

[@edennis8578]

Narcissists can't feel the normal human emotions that create healthy bonds with other people. They don't feel love or sympathy or happiness. They feel power and control or not in control, that's all. Everything they do is aimed at control. If they have to play nice, they will. If they feel that you aren't under their total control and they know that they have you under their thumb, watch out! Even the slightest thing can set them off, like if you don't reply to a text message immediately. You just never know. Remember that they CAN'T love you. Nothing you do can create love in their heart. Listen to HG Tudor's channel; it'll help.

[@edgreen8140]

It's an adjective it just describes. I love your acronym crave. Antagonistic! F60.1 is a dx(diagnosis). 1980 that's late they probably used hystrionic or something similar. Its pervasive and really crappy.

[@mysticbeastproductions6811]

For Homo sapiens to evolve into Homo sapiens sapiens there must be the widespread pursuit of self-observation. Therein lies conscience and the evolutionary dividing line between the two species. This stuff goes deep.

[@HonaMalta]

Thank you doctor Ramani. Since i found your first interviews about this topic, & others, that was done by some smart guy who i'm sorry to not catching his name,,,,since i foud your videos, nice, smart, to the point lectures, & i feel like showing them, & sending them to each, & everyone, who i couldn't deliver my pain to. Everyone who can't understand why am i here at this point of my life, & why i'm doing what i'm doing, or avoid doing whatever else. In general, every time i know something new in my life, i feel like i know nothing! It's like the unlimited space, with all its planets, stars, galaxies, dark matters.....etc, with its unlimited possibilities. May be, if i was in a different place of everything, i would have had studied psychology academically. I didn't stop reading in psychology since i was 16. Thank you doctor Ramani.

[@DH-tv8qy]

The illness is the development of evil through the deep void left in someone from their early relationships which is then expressed as narcissism in order to survive.

[@corymccray9806]

Well it is a mental illnesses but they like this illness and dont want to generally change it makes them feel good to hurt other ultimately! They need to feed off others energy and they enjoy this even though they know it they're hurting others..... THEY DONT WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!!

[@ulfpe]

Oh they have created so much suffering through out history. So identifying them in politics and corporate environments is very important for the development of society

[@lurdesferreira7754]

Eu vivi com um narcisista 22 anos. Sempre a pensar que conseguia alterar a sua personalidade. E ele foi-me destruindo aos poucos. Até que 22 anos depois me consegui afastar. Ele dizia-me que se ia suicidar. Continua vivo e sozinho. Ninguém consegue aturá-lo. Obrigada dra ramani