Narcissist's Routines

[@fireheartlightning2400]

Here is a list of what Abusers/Narcissists usually do to their targets : - Insults their target very often. Then lie when confronted about it, or say it was a joke. - When confronted with their behavior, they pretend to be innocent and play the victim. - Everything is always your fault, even when it's obviously not. - They always have a justification for every bad thing they do. They think they're always right. - Very controlling, they tell you how to live, but they can live anyway they want. Very hypocritical. - They accuse you of what they're doing to you (RED FLAG!), it's called Projection. - Portraying themselves as angels outside, when they are actually demons with their family and especially their target. - They want you to fail, while pretending to want you to succeed (they're very convincing). - They never say they are sorry for hurting you (RED FLAG!). - Poison your favorite activities, they don't want you to be happy or to get pleasure. They also poison other useful activities like important skills which will help you in the future. They DO NOT want you to have skills, they want you to be as weak as possible. They don't teach you anything. - Subtly lead a smear campaign against their target, so they isolate it and make sure they don't get help. - When you want to leave the relationship with a narcissist, they beg you to stay with them and cry crocodile tears. They are the best actors. - Sometimes nice, sometimes cruel. You never know where you stand with them. - They pretend to be "victims", and they blame the target for their own behavior. - They are incredibly arrogant and sadistic. They see the target as weak, and deserving to suffer. - They think they are models to be followed. - They are spiritually dead although they might loudly profess some kind of Spiritual Belief. Please share this message to other people and forums.

[@cosmicallis7936]

Fireheart Lightning I have bn investigating whether or not my cousin is a narcissist..I think part of me never wanted to admit it.. thought she was just a selfish, heartless, arrogant bully but alot of the things u listed off here tells me that she def fits the profile alot more then not..I still think she's a lower grade narc, in the sense that I don't believe she's a sociopath or psychopath (but sometimes u nvr knw considering how sneeky they r) but getting to my point, I think u put it into perspective alot more then any other info i'v found so far since it was simple, cut, dry and to the no bullshitt point, thank u!!!🙂 love and light💚💛💜

[@cosmicallis7936]

@PR thank you, if she ever comes back into my life I'll keep a look out for that...idk if she ever will tho, it's bn years since we'v spoke.. probably for the better unfortunately😕 in the past it was hard for me to see these patterns but looking back they seem to fit into that puzzle

[@sherrygwinjordan6645]

This sounds just like what I spent 12 years dealing with.

[@ericalagogiannis8331]

On the money

[@michellezoske4714]

Wow...spot on can i copy and give to my psychiatrist..who just diagnosed me at the agenif 50as schizophrenic...it is this list and 15+yrs of nievaty and not understanding the double-bind...all that time amd when i got it and ran heasked me " who do you love more than me ?" I said our daughters....well he denied joint custody in divorce dissolutoon agreement and gave me full costody...them with the help of custoimdial interference and a perfect storm of people and institutions liesand deception 599 days ago he took our daughter and won in court for danger somethimg and now still tortures me and them daily...ass hole

[@SweetSweetWaldo]

He describes me too! It's uncanny. I've been diagnosed with major depression, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder. My whole family is narcissistic It's all I knew growing up. I survive day-to-day, but I'm still very ill. It's not something any one would wish upon himself or his worst enemy. Thanks Sam.

[@rosellaboduroglu]

Go seek help don't live your life this way. There's a better way to live

[@ruthflournoy223]

SweetSweetWaldo Your Amazing for being so honest about yourself! Praying you will be able to adapt to a better way of living.

[@edir130]

How great you are to recognize this character in your personalaty..

[@aleph-tavunutterable1585]

At least you are able to self reflect on your personality disorder which means you have hope

[@sarahlouise6507]

I was diagnosed bpd bipolar 1 and skitzoeffective disorder im highly empath and my parents are narcs they suck the soul outta you my ex narc was a sociopath very predictable honestly im grateful everyone is away from me now since my narc exs a stalker gotta stay low forever dont let them think they won either were way much better than they are they are ignorant and need help

[@patriziacoro3789]

Spot on. I have been married to 2 men like this. Second one was covert. Now I’ve learnt my lesson

[@PheeFhee]

Yes. Ive been reading up on narcissism for the past month now...its FREEING to finally be able to undersatnd and put a name to what i knew all along was wrong with my ex, but couldnt quite put a finger on it. Gaslighting is the most facinating attribute of the narcissist to me....he did that alot...luckily for me, I never got to the point where i questioned myself or sanity. I knew all along something was wrong with HIM.

[@mendy5453]

Today is my wedding anniversary. I have went no contact with my husband a few weeks ago. Yesterday I received a call that roses were delivered at work. Today is my anniversary. I guess my coworkers being impressed was better than being thoughtful about today. No, I did not go get them.

[@patriciamharris5664]

Good for you Sis. Sometimes it get s to that point...🤷‍♀️💜🙏

[@Time364]

My brother is a narcissist, he sees everything only from his own advantage which includes physically, mentally, psychologically, financially and spiritually. He believes he deserve all good things only for himself. He destabilise my mental state and suck my soul alive. He never regret for what he is doing and always try for more. I used to believe, he might be different species. Recently I figured out he is a narcissist, a demon in a human form.

[@jerrywitaj]

Hum sorry for your suffering.

[@OCtheman300]

In a exact same situation but my mother is a narcissist also. How are you these days?

[@mfloyd1556]

I unfortunately made the mistake of falling for a narcissist, they came into my life when I was already in pain and I stupidly found comfort in their company. I was in such a bad state of my mind myself, I allowed the abuse even more so, made up excuses for their behaviour - I had no clue how much harm it was doing to me at the time - and after 2 years of constant ups and downs, I let go. It's left me shattered. Sex addiction and alcohol abuse played a huge role in this too, but I won't get into that. Suffice to say I am still in this process of recovery. It's so damn difficult to accept they were not what I thought they were and they never will be, but I'm slowly and surely picking up the pieces of my life and rebuilding. A part of me will carry them forever though, they were my first.

[@totf6359]

M Valentine hope you are healing and doing well. Sadly, they prey on victims at their lowest points. They are evil!

[@eeedwards8013]

M Valentine Hi, It's gonna be ok We all get fooled sometimes Keep your head up high and heal it will take some time,but you will get there, We can take it for a life lesson God bless you 💜💜💜

[@godisgood5302]

I was in a relationship with one for 5 yrs finally he discarded me about 4 months ago and left me confused and broken i never saw it coming .

[@katarinadelogu7010]

I know been with a covert narc. Left him after 5,5 years. A nother women behind my back lies. Discusting monster awful ashole 🥵👺👹👽🆘🆘🆘🚩🚩🚩😈😈😈🤮🤮🤮🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍👽👽👽

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel. No spoon-feeding here.

[@kittyfleas]

ppl don't understand what is happening to them around a narcissist from feeling like a non-existent rug to receiving verbal/mental abuse they have never exp'd before, they feel like they don't exist, that what they say or do is so consistently 'put down' as unimportant, meaningless, stupid and 'awful.' So so true rigid opinions, ossified absolutely. Paranoid, repetitive thoughts that you hear over and over from them. Also so puzzling when ppl don't know they are dealing with a narcissist is the abuse by proxy, you realize you are being used to parrot things about other ppl for them. Nothing could sum it up better than you are being gaslighted.

[@arancina71]

Your videos are awesome, and amazingly spot on. I'm married to a narcisist who has no intention of even trying to improve, so i'm leaving him.Thank you so much for giving us such an in-depth insight and awareness. If a man has no will to take his narcisism on, he must be left to his own destiny, or he'll drag you down with him.

[@TheArtemis07]

You are helping me understand my partner of six years. Though I've always known we didn't have a healthy relationship, I stuck it out in the hopes things would get better. I have finally had enough now that I see that he is never going to change. I have tried many times to tell him how I feel, but it never gets us anywhere. I am making plans to leave him. It's scary, but I am trying to be very strategic. Wish me luck. I'll need it. Thank you for this video.

[@willd6215]

Diana Eidson how are things going?

[@mitchevans9315]

I tell my wife how I feel and she passes over it like I never said anything.

[@laceyrose2636]

Mitch Evans same here & i have cried in my bedroom countless times when i know he heard me in the livingroom & not once did he ask me what's wrong , but trust me your wife remembers every word you said & if you bring up that she acts cold she'll blame it on you saying something like : well i didn't say anything because you'll just be blaming me on things , they'll turn themself into the victim

[@mariehalsey8892]

Diana Edison how are you these days??

[@tashikalewis3842]

Artemis Chemistry Me too

[@RealityCheck1980]

Excellent video, this is exactly how my estranged narc husband acted with us to the point where our young son would ask why he’s nice and talks to others and not us.... 😞 Thank you for breaking down the ‘Tonus’ and explaining that it’s the true self. He also had a lot of routines and rigid beliefs.

[@morellaesparragoza5629]

Is this why he hates taking me to the beach or go out.he seems robotic when we go out.

[@marym897]

Yes

[@MarieMcDonald-ty5tb]

My narc is the same w/the beach and never a date night.

[@Sammysapphira]

Have you considered he might just not like the beach?

[@oklahomaisok]

They don’t want to do any activities with you if you are looking forward to them and show enthusiasm. Even if it’s something they would do with their friends like fishing. It’s the damndest thing.

[@samvaknin]

@sauroid1 Both Hitler and Stalin were remote-"diagnosed" as narcissists by the eminent psychoanalyst Erich Fromm.

[@kellihansen6446]

Thank you Sam it always helps me to understand deeper and more thoroughly where the narcissist is coming from and how their world operates. You give great insights., that both confirm and deepen my insight.

[@youngmiestro]

Thier actions are destructive to society

[@Betsyjoy32]

I appreciate the clarity that you bring

[@weyounion9112]

Excellent! I (57) am learning to resist to my 8 years older sister, and I've been so used to be her drudge, Pavlovian-style. I can write and send her a mail today that she won't appreciate. I won't even be nasty to her(don't want to go at her evil level), I will simply respect myself. It's about time! Thank you Sam for all these enlightening videos

[@gitanapalestina]

this confirms my past experience...my god..thank you for putting my mind at rest!

[@janwhittom]

The barren wasteland. Interesting. After dealing with many narcissists I have noticed that I will go into the relationship with joy and all but then when they are done with me, I am left in a state of emotional wasteland. It does seem like they are psychic vampires. Its as if they see the joy and all and want to suck it out. One time I thought that they could be described as locusts.

[@totf6359]

Janet Whittom yep! I call them peace snatchers and emotional vampires. Downright miserable and subhuman.

[@laleezy77]

Just imagine being getting stuck up in that for YEARS with someone or a parent!!! Omg!

[@lizardme88]

Wow! This describes my husband of 30 years exactly!

[@nicolenorris8991]

I have learned so much from you. Thank you for all your time to provide an education for others on this important subject.

[@KianaRae1]

My husband since i can remember, will show up to other people's homes without announcement feeling that he is desired and welcomed. In the beginning I went along, he stated that this is not an imposition. An Italian Family, I thought this was welcomed. Later on, I saw this as an infringement on other peoples lives. I no longer engage but my husband is on 2 other family's couches in total, 5 times a week. I am now too embarrassed to attend. He feels that his presence is worshiped.

[@siddislikesgoogle]

Its a normal practice amongst latin peoples to arrive unannounced and have everyone drop everything to play host, its something I can´t abide but its a form of cultural narcissism I suppose. On the other hand, latino hosts really don´t seem to mind and actually have a good time of it. Weird.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

He's visiting too much. You need to sit him down.

[@ChrisInToon]

I very much am minded to keep to myself more times than not, I feel it is an honour to be welcomed into someone house, but like the other person said is this more a cultural thing and are you living rural or in a city, people have different customs. There are thresholds to a house, most people only are welcome at doorway, so to even get in a hallway is a progress, to sit down at a place is an honour

[@samvaknin]

Watch the video on false modesty on this channel.

[@kingduckford]

I've observed and studied the behaviour of constant change in the narcissistic and despondent, and I think you stated something I've seen myself, that even if the narcissistic person, or the person who believes radical change within one's life is "random", "spontaneous", "wild", "out of control", it is, indeed, a very rigid, predetermined, thought out act for control, not the pretend loss of control they claim. The "living la vida loca" image is a cover for a life that is planned and controlled. Radical change within the person's life is indeed predictable, part of a pattern, and done with a specific goal in mind. Even the despondent who makes radical change does so in the attempt to regain control of life and the world. The giving up of something already held and secure in the name of loss of control and "winds of change" is paradoxically to gain security and control.

[@dante4d]

+kingduckford Are you saying that constant change in behaviour is like mathematical equivalent of derivations of functions? You can have a function that constantly keeps changing, but if you derive that function, you get only that constatnt - the constant rate of change. Even if chaotic, such lifestyle is always "constant chaos", so it can feel secure for them being so predictable. Is that what you're saying? I've seen this in real life in a person that was starting a new life every day. He always insisted that "Everything is under control, but I'll do whatever it takes!" or "I'll do whatever comes my way, you live only once!" What I really saw in his behaviour was that he keeps doing the same mistake over and over again and fails his new life every day. So he actually stays exactly the same. Antithesis for his life would be to find one thing he would keep doing all his life and build on that, because he's like the Bruce Lee quote guy - a man that practices 10 000 kicks 1x - not dangerous, because he never mastered any single one of them...

[@kingduckford]

+dante4d Excellent way of putting it, both in sense of math and personal observation. Change is a constant, not a variable for these individuals. When they "change" its no surprise to anyone, because change is their constant. Even if we cannot predict the exact change, we know a change will happen, which makes it a predictable constant. This person will get another divorce/relationship, will move again, will change career or job, change hobbies, ect. We may not know which person they will be in a relationshi9p with next, but the breakup of the current and new relationship coming are certain. We don't know which career he'll throw himself at next, but we know for certain he won't stay in this one much longer. We don't know which hobby he'll start next, but he won't keep the current one, like every other hobby he's abandoned. The individual never stays with anything, and in truth, doesn't value anything. They want the symbolism of relationship, but no actual human connection, want the prestige of career, but not the mastery of a trade or skill, want to be part of a church or group, but don't know anything about it or even desire to learn. The constant reinvention is rarely daily, like in the case you mention, but it might as well be, because their attachments to things are so hollow and symbolic, they never really were part of anything, even if they stick with a job, person, group, ect., for a month, three months, six moths, ect., they were never really "there", never really "part of", attached, or involved, any more than someone who is taking part for just a day, or passing through. In your case the rate is daily, but for many others it is months or years, but yes, they are all the same pattern, and all to the same effect. Your friend, and many others in the same mentality, are like someone who commits the same sin every day, than claims forgiveness from God, than uses the fact he is clean and pure and forgiven as an excuse to go forth and sin again, because he will be forgiven again. Instead of admitting mistakes, learning from them, and moving on, they find ways to absolve themselves of their mistake, "put it behind them" like it never happened, "move on", and "cleanse" themselves of the guilt of the wrongdoing, only so they can "change" to do the same mistakes again. One should use God's forgiveness to free themselves from sin, not as an excuse to become bonded by sin by furthering their sins. Narcissists and sociopaths use this "change", "reinvention", "I'm a new man every day I wake up", to ignore the past, ignore the lessons, and commit the same mistakes and destroy themselves. I don't have to face my wrongs because "I am a new man, not who I was before, therefore I can safely ignore my past". The equivalent of a desperate gambler begging for someone to pay his gambling debts so he can be free and clear and get out of gambling, but once he gets the money to pay back his debts, he simply creates new gambling debts instead. We did not pay for him to be free, we paid for his old debts so he could get new ones, we freed him from slavery so he could sell himself back into bondage. The narcissist frees himself from past mistakes through change and abandonment, only so he can make those same mistakes again as a "new man", he frees himself so he can re-enslave himself. He will free himself of the last relationship he ruined so he can start new to ruin another, ect. "Change" is a constant because it allows the narcissist to avoid both responsibility for past problems and also the lessons. Your Bruce Lee quote is right on the money. A man is better off becoming a master of one thing, rather than a constant amateur of everything. This is true, the narcissist never really grows up, never gains anything, never sees any self improvement ever. "A rolling stone gathers no moss". The narcissist would rather defend his ego from mistakes than learn from them and become better, so they rarely learn anything, and almost never improve or grow, because the idea of room for improvement would insult the narcissist by implying he's not perfect! The narcissist would rather move onto the next kick rather than admit imperfection of the last one and the need to improve. They both want the freedom to make the same mistakes they enjoy over and over again, and also don't want to acknowledge imperfection and wrongdoing. Constant change is a way of accomplishing both, as well as giving the narcissist excitement. Its no wonder it is the biggest constant they have.

[@camillecole9497]

Yep!

[@alliemeade2409]

kingduckford I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ. You must've known my husband for many years! SPOT ON!!!

[@inspectorbudget]

kingduckford Wow, that was mind-blowing how you just broke that down. Please write a book or make videos. I'll subscribe.

[@simplexpressions4192]

This totally explains the reactions I'm getting from my dad right now. Thank you very much for your help.

[@Garcian_Smith]

It's almost quite creepy how accurate this speaks of my mother's personality. Just now she showed me how she has these OCD like routines and behaviors. She said was unable to clean the bathroom floor unless I cleaned the bathtub first which is a rather odd thing to say to begin with. After that I told her not worry and that she could start cleaning the floor whenever she felt like it and that I promised I would clean out the tub after the floor dries. Then there was this long uncomfortable 10 second pause followed by this crazed look on her face (most likely suppressing anger, outrage and disgust). It was then also followed by her literally uttering the words "I have this system I go by and you're screwing it up. I'm sick and tired of doing everything around here!" 30 minutes went by and she said she's not cooking dinner tonight any longer. I'm guessing she did that to be passive aggressive and spiteful. Yet 2 hours prior to this incident she was bragging about what a great feast she was going to cook up. I'm just now starting to wonder just how bad of a meltdown was she having in that moment?

[@dante4d]

+Garcian Smith I like to clean the floor as the last thing to do, because I usually make a mess while doing anything else (like cleaning some shelves, sink, toilet... ). So that was my first thought, but the thing about cokking/not cooking dinner... that's nice example of passive aggressivity, right. For women, it's more typical to have BPD than NPD, or that's how I understand it. Women tend to go emotionally oversensitive and unstable while men tend to go too cold and psychopatic. I would be interested in know if what you are experiencing possibly meets any of the games mentioned in book called Games People Play. I think it's text can be found online for free...

[@Garcian_Smith]

+dante4d For the most part I'm quite positive she's definitely has NPD. Took me many years to figure that out the hard way but when Mr. Vaknin says machine like daily routines with automatic responses and reactions, I mean wow....it's super predictable. Everything she does is done in a very strict order it's not just a bathtub thing. Ever seen that old Bill Murray movie Groundhog's Day where he keeps reliving the same day over and over and over again until he starts going insane? Same thing with her. I know what she's going to say and when she going to say it. It's gotten so bad I finish her sentences as she's saying them to me. Anything that disrupts this system of hers is looked upon with intense scrutiny, contempt and irritation. More or less just a "shut up and do as I say!" state of mind tends to form the more the routine is interrupted. Not fun at all....

[@KristenWack777]

Wow this explains so much! I have an overt narc mother and a covert narc mother in law on steroids. I have never made the connection to the inexplicable aversion to change and need for repetition of behavior. My inlaws are completely consumed by the narc matriarch. Every time we have a family gathering I feel like I'm watching reruns of a script. The same safe conversations, laughing at jokes we've all heard a million times over. It's as if they are all reading from a script of safe subject matter. No substance at all. Thanks for your insight!

[@seekwisdom5102]

+kris777 And probably having the 'other people' as the focus of the conversation.

[@alliemeade2409]

kris777 yes. They are extremely repetitive. And it is sooooo annoying!

[@mountassaralimi8884]

they also laugh ONLY at their own jokes

[@samvaknin]

Send me a message with your questions. Thank you for your kind words. I suggest that you buy the book from Barnes and Noble (online or in a store near you). Copies sold via Amazon are second-hand and MUCH MORE expensive!

[@jurejo]

In some cultures you never abandon your parents, esp. if one of them is victim of narcissist. So, I don't really need my father for anything but have to keep in touch with him because he is my father & my poor mother has to live with him. There.

[@DefaultName-ns7om]

YOUR VIDS SAVED MY LIFE!...IM NOW FREE! MIND BODY AND SOUL!

[@karylcave]

Thank you so much for your videos sam, I have been married to a narc for 25 years I only just realized his affliction, I knew there must have been something wrong but never put my finger on it. Your videos keep me focused. He has now left with my secretary took my job and business, but I am glad and learning to be free. Thank you again for your amazing insights into this personality.I cant tell you how supportive your videos are.Thank you.

[@samvaknin]

Yes, exactly. Narcissists and schizoids have a lot in common (see my video on this topic).

[@gitanapalestina]

I see a lot of this in someone I dated recently, I felt traumatized in his presence and I was charmed by him and also felt great compassion but my intuition or inner ability to tolerate it further, overtook anything else going on. It tormented me that I may have misunderstood him or what I felt until I came across these descriptions but again.. Don't we search for what we can identify with so we make sense of it??

[@gitanapalestina]

and who are you to know what am I made of or how I am to make such a presumption? what is your knowledge and depth for me to take what you said as something worth to hear and consider? this one angle belief of law of attraction is not even a rule of thumb on everyone that you attract what you are. open your mind to more than its only black and white out there. sometimes opposite attracts to learn self love, boundaries and better judgment when needed to filter it vampires. when you take an initiative to reply to someone you do not know, filter your words, speak good or do not speak at all. if you have any knowledge or awareness, learn how to communicate it well first before you go commenting on to strangers and looking feeble.

[@laleezy77]

I think that was the thing for me that i realised smthn was wrong....everything would be gd & i aould STILL have a bad feeling..i said a prayer ove rwht i was feeling & 2 days later i was discarded..thank you Jesus!🙌

[@samvaknin]

Thanks. Be sure to purchase it from Barnes and Noble (bn dot com) - NOT from Amazon!

[@nicholasbogosian5420]

A lot of these are symptoms of PTSD

[@nicholasbogosian5420]

@@007lutherking NPD is very different from CPTSD. But there's some overlapping symptoms, if navigating like Vaknin away from or fleshing out the DSM criteria. CPTSD is actually more clinically similar to BPD.

[@ChrisInToon]

Interesting comment, I am struggling with a sibling for easily 5 years now, they are incredibly forceful, but I did not know that there was such a thing as reactive abuse, where the control freak person winds you up to such an extent and you react in an incredibly upset way from the traumatizing effect they had on you and bingo the control freak has what they want evidence that you are a bad person who raises there voice.

[@kmoreland3413]

Sam your videos are so accurate. It's the explanation of the smaller things that helps the most. There were so many parts of other publications that just didn't quite "fit" - it was all just about cheating. Your videos identify all of his intricacies and I know they're authentic. Thank you for allowing me to make sense of this.

[@samvaknin]

Just be sure to buy it from Barnes and Noble (bn dot com) - NOT from Amazon!

[@jackcallahan2719]

Disingenous was the word that recurred in my mind. I am a critical thinker, she hated that because I presented her with ideas she didnt want to have to think about.

[@matchalatte4101]

my psychopath ex is exactly like this, he has extremely rigid boundaries and guard his autonomy and privacy fiercely. when its time for his routine whether it was shower, meals or sleep, he would refuse to give me even one second more of his time. super rigid and robotic.

[@razasyeda6054]

Probably cheating that’s why.

[@matchalatte4101]

i was contemplating between aspergers and psychopathy and unfortunately its has to be the latter. hes extremely selfish, only interested in getting his needs met, love bombed me in the beginning, pressed for sex quickly followed by devaluation by bailing out on plans & dates. or straight up ghosts & disappears only to come back weeks later to hoover me back. also often triangulates me with his exes. at the end of the day it really doesnt matter what he is - narc, psychopath, sociopath, aspergers, BPD. most important thing is whether you like being treated this way, i dont.

[@borisgearhead6632]

Hi Sam, thank you so much for posting these video's. You are doing truly good work by sharing these.

[@Grainnie3]

The book is a worthy tome. I find myself referring to it over and over again. While I am not qualified to "diagnose" anyone, especially from a distance, I find the book has helped me in gently guiding people to take a different look at abusive relationships.

[@danaengel4115]

Has anyone encountered something like this? I am ONLY codependent with one person, a narcissist. We were broken up for 2 Years and I forced myself to date and have other relationships. At first there was some interest but it didn't last long. There was nothing but emptiness in my life without him. I have all the feelings of a codependent but only with him and without him I'm unhappy. It doesn't go away and I feel incapable of moving on. Has anyone else experienced this?

[@MB-mz2fz]

Congratulations Dr its amazing the experience you been achieving all this years about this topic and thank you for sharing

[@madeinhisimage3447]

Yes! I see a lot of OCD, ADD and Impulsively.

[@samvaknin]

@piloooogen Can't post links here, so go to my Website for an answer.

[@lisamizelle857]

Why does a narcissist imitate people? Example: he buys the same things that his friends have such as motorcycles, boats, houses, and imitate the behavior that his friends are displaying at a certain moment? Seems he adjusts to the friends He is around, but it's an exaggerated response

[@nothingbutme1150]

Its called mirroring. They are like chameleons, they adapt to any situation, circumstance or people just for the aim of receiving narcissist supply. Narcissist do not have their own idenity so they have to mimic others and feed off of other people's energy.

[@blackmak]

+Shannon G yes

[@Mario_N64]

Yeah, they don't have any true identity. They buy the exact SAME cellphone someone they idealize or fear uses, even if it's not popular anymore, like a Blackberry. They buy the exact same car, same color, trim and equipment.

[@alliemeade2409]

Lisa Mizelle From what I've acquired, ACCEPTANCE and belonging is crucial for the narc.

[@PeaceNLiebe]

Experiencing this currently and it is gd annoying but ultimately makes them look sad. It's so in my face and they flaunt it like it's their original idea to buy this or that or get this color. Only days or a week after seeing me with the object, style, music, even meals I make.

[@maribelru2011]

Thank you! found some signs of narcissism in myself! : ( sux! But it helps to be aware

[@paivikeskitalo1515]

This elucidates the meaningfullness of routines from the narcissist's point of view very well. Thank you 🐦🐬🐳

[@mitchevans9315]

My wife is a “narcissist”. She is absolutely driving me crazy. I am trying to fulfill my marriage vows. But she is draining me. Help!

[@totf6359]

Mitch Evans work on fulfilling the love for yourself and your sanity. It will only get worse.

[@laleezy77]

@@totf6359 i think thays the BEST thung u can do for yourself cause they will drain u & u will ve left eith NOTHING FROM THEM..so Keep your cups full on your own!!! ❤

[@Bob-pn6wx]

Is the narcissist “picky” about his supply search regarding appearance? Does it matter about narc supplies physical appearance such as weight or age etc?

[@gorunsko31]

This is gold. Thank you, Sam, the Professor. 🙏❤

[@Euricious]

So if narcissists are "junkies", addicted to their behaviour in terms of psychological survival, does their "addiction" have a physiological base as well (like dopamine with sexual or internet addiction)? Do they drug themselves with this behaviour?

[@samvaknin]

+Euricious Narcissists as junkies www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal66.html and samvak.tripod.com/adrenalinejunkie.html

[@TheFreakonthenet]

Is it possible that a narcissist would rebel against stereotypical ideologies and find narc supply in that? I believe my grandmother may be a narcissist. She plays the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect victim. She doesn't believe women should be working (I'm guessing because she was a stay at home mother) and the economy is failing because women are now working full time. Also very racist, and homophobic. Her views are unalterable and there's no point arguing. I deal with her by agreeing and keeping quiet. I don't know if it's narcissism or just old age, but she is kind of an asshole. My mother is proud of the fact that she is the opposite of my grandmother. She takes pride in being feral, having a house that isn't perfect, but at the same time has many other narcissistic traits. At my graduation she was running off everywhere, talking to everyone. When we wanted to get changed and have dinner she started yelling at my dad and blaming him for not getting enough photos because he had back pain and left early. There are photos of my dad, my sisters and I, however few with her because she was busy running off. She also couldn't find the place we were having dinner at, despite our numerous calls and offers to drive her there. When she finally arrived, she wasn't getting attention and sat out on the sidewalk. Then she randomly found two Brazilian girls and said they were her friends, and she met them because she was an international traveller. The last time she travelled outside of the country was in 2004. She's also started many 'businesses' and is 'academic' and now that I've graduated uni she keeps talking about doing a PhD, despite the fact she's only ever completed a diploma. Basically, she embodies everything that is the opposite of her own mother and is proud of that. So again, I wonder, is it possible that a narcissist would rebel against stereotypical ideologies and find narc supply in that?

[@samvaknin]

TheFreakonthenet Narcissists re contumacious and rebellious samvak.tripod.com/journal28.html Read more about counterdependents samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html

[@katharinaarnold9655]

Yes from personal experience I think that's possible they love to rebel it makes them feel like they are special covers up their emptiness and lack of everything

[@jbsang54]

Which my 'Narc' roomie, he is extremely concerned with his 'body functions' and makes it a ridged point to go the exact amount every single day. If that doesn't happen on a 'reg schedule, he gets VERY upset. Not good...

[@marjoriemurphy9424]

Jaja Sang mine has that morning hour long bathroom ritual too.

[@inawood8658]

Mine used to sit on his throne in the bathroom for 45 mins. Every morning and night.

[@IO-hg7oe]

Ina Wood no doubt with the phone in his hands texting his several friends

[@inawood8658]

Ioanna Creatureofhabit. Yes exactly, and texting his secret girlfriend.

[@laceyrose2636]

Sin D 😂😂😂probably !

[@MsBananaAnna]

Interesting. The people in my boyfriends life joke about him being "controlling" - but, they don't know the whole of it. He has OCD like routines in the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, garage, doing yardwork, planning trips. Some of them I can laugh at, but some of them he insists I do and I do so only not to hear him whine & complain. I do feel sorry for how anxiety ridden he is, as he can't relax until things are just so. He can't relax when I cook in his kitchen - he hovers around me incessantly.

[@laurieAable]

How do you deal with a narcissist you cant get away from? And you had a argument with and told them about what they were doing?

[@angelaarp8538]

I have a question. I just ended a 3 year relationship with a narcissist. Is it possible for the intimate partner to pick up the traits of the abuser? I cannot believe how much I have changed and I'm hoping to get the "old" me back. Also I used to believe everything my abuser told me about his ex spouse. I agreed with him like most people do when they get into a new relationship. Should I contact her and apologize for believing him? I cannot believe I put up with a man who had no regard for rules, has the biggest ego and has even gone around saying he owes things (property, businesses) when in fact other people were involved (me).

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism is contagious www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq42.html

[@angelaarp8538]

Thank you so much!! Glad to know I'm not "crazy and possessed" as I have been called before. I think you may have saved my life by watching your videos. Thank you again.

[@chillout7975]

Angela Arp that's what they do : they'll call u possessed because he's projecting his shit onto u ....I had changed a lot due to my toxic relationship and often would doubt my own sanity ......I realise your comment was written a long time ago hey - hope your well and truely free from the never ending bs ;)

[@samvaknin]

Watch the video on my channel titled "Narcissists and Medication."

[@merzhoykin]

Very helpful video Sam. Perfect broad explanation that can apply to majority of cases.

[@darthmommy1975]

Richard Butch describes you, boyfriend of mine. I am catching on to you...( Puts my mind at ease the way I am disregard as being SPONTANEOUS.) I care what you thought of me yes, but certainly I don't need you nor anyone to validate my worth. Yes, worthless like I've told you time and time again. You don't listen.. Listening and studying what's wrong with me for years, I've really had come to this point of reality. Clearly " Narcissistic personality." I am growing weary of being with you and it is not so easy to just up and leave you after 8 years now is it. This will now be a public announcement for everyone to hear me out,since once again,I am ignored dismissed and downright do not listen how I've been nailed down into the ground. Enough is enough. Be nice already...( Perhaps " Nice"could be put this in those ridgid routines) Thank you Sam Vaknin. You have opened. up my eyes, my heart, my mind.

[@LittleWingandSir]

This is very interesting to me. I had always put down my ex's rigid routines and seeming automated behavior to having been an officer in the Army for 20 years but now I can see that it is most likely part of his narcissism. Army is also on the list of favoured occupations of the narcissist as well. Thanks again Sam ... :)

[@ssellers1870]

The narcissist I knew made lists almost constantly and he would try to accomplish tasks on these lists, he called them "goals" but they were not that encompassing they were things like clean, apply for this job, go to this country, etc. but not learn this or do a set of sustaining tasks (like college courses) to accomplish a goal. He was very self-righteous about these tasks, even though because he was internally so chaotic he could never accomplish most of them and never in any kind routine way. Yet these were used as the excuse as to why he couldn't spend time with me for instance he was busy yet he wasn't...It was a method of self-distraction I think. He was somewhat self-aware and was trying to fix himself with these tasks but this isn't a disorder of action it is a disorder of emotion.

[@myroseaccount]

This points directly to religious thinking and fundamentalism. Are all religious type narcissist? God love me don't you know! Sounds a little narcissistic to me

[@samvaknin]

Narcissism and Religion vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html The Cult of the Narcissist vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html

[@samvaknin]

You may also find these of help - please click on the links (they apply to all types of relationships with narcissistic or psychopathic abusers of both genders): vaksam.tripod.com/5.html vaksam.tripod.com/abuse3.html vaksam.tripod.com/abuse18.html vaksam.tripod.com/abuse.html vaksam.tripod.com/abusefamily.html vaksam.tripod.com/faq1.html How Victims are Pathologized and re-abused by the System health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/5068

[@alyosha3563]

💯 + all the videos Sam has done on narcissism and pedophilia

[@betheloveyo89]

After a relationship with a Narcissist (who also suffers with combat-induced PTSD), I am providing last-resort, static supply to my Narcissist. He is always now with me "the Tonus." Not sure why I bother, except that I'm most like an inverted myself, so I feed off the technicolor. But my question is how does the Tonus Narcissist regard those of us in his life who see him for what he is? I make no bones about it; I reference the harem, his supply, and his rage. I am surprised he tolerates my bluntness.

[@drwcody]

Lol. Sam thnx for your videos. Your articulation and honesty have bettered my understanding of some aspects of my psyche. MANY thanks sir

[@freddycloudburst]

What happens when the narcissist self realises their comparatively different innerscape? Can the narcisist behaviour be empathised after their void emotional capacities are considered? Perhaps the narcissists actions can be understood, mainly by their state of near permanent isolation?

[@darleneburns4093]

Thank you for this video. It is helping me to understand a person in my life.

[@sauroid1]

Would Hitler be considered a Narcissist? i remember someone who knew him writing that there really wasn't anyone who could contradict him in any way, and doing so could result in dangerous consequences. He would rant for hours to groups of people to the point of exhaustion, and of course everyone listened and agreed. Tactically he made some very bad choices, like not immediately responding to the Normandy Invasion, and none of the general staff would dare contradict him.

[@Dally_Sparkles]

gee.... i think i'm a Narcissist.. i'm non religious though

[@andowalsh]

one time my ex was looking for a pair of shoes in her wardrobe, thinking they had disappeared!! like the world had ended.. its OK she eventually found them..i did care..honest.

[@carlosbeauty]

Having routines as discipline would be the positive solution?

[@despoinakiwii]

The answer is sooooo simple my friend!!! Think and you will find it! ;)

[@jpbshsu]

Clearly stated with clever, fresh idioms that enlightens the listener. Thanks!

[@14margott]

Thank you foe all this. I will have your book, soon, I hope. Sadly enough,you are describing my Dad, the histrionic type.

[@asanablue]

Boy is that correct. Routines. The rigid lifestyle is what I likened to one who has veen in patient or in treatment.

[@dnomztirnebirus1109]

Dr. Sam i just wnt to say that all the info and videos regarding narcissists yours is the most informative and its like ur telling my experience i had with a narc althou i dont you. Hope to learn frm u more.

[@1watchenit]

Hello Sam. Thank you for your videos on narcissism. I am being dragged through the courts by my ex narcissist of 7 years, where she's aiming to get a protection order against me in order to keep our child from me. I have to represent myself and wanted to know if I can somehow bring to the courts attention, even though she's never gone to seek professional help, therefore has never been diagnosed. she has many traits of a narcissist. To many in fact. Keep up the good work Sam. Cheers

[@azzap3122]

So when I'm talking to my wife and she appears to be listening but playing her suduko mobile app with no eye contact and one word response that seam to have no sincerely she is really focused on her internal barren landscape .... I've watched her do the exact same thing to her mother She also calls certain people mainly family members everyday and certain supiplirs

[@ChrisInToon]

supiplirs what is that word?

[@yerk3]

How would you differentiate between a narcissist and someone who simply has OCD or some autism spectrum disorder? I have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and may have some form of undiagnosed OCD (I have several textbook symptoms) and I am very methodical, am comforted by routine and am stressed out by unexpected change.

[@PheeFhee]

my ex narcissist had OCD routines too (I now know he's a a malignant N)...the odd thing is, he is also disorganised and chaoic, but i think even to this madness too, there is a method in it....its like his helter-skelter ways are ORGANISED too, if that makes sense. He too had crazy OCD routines for...sex, the bathroom, the kitchen, watering the grass, etc. At first it was annoying, then it became very disturbing.

[@tiakennedy1681]

Thank you 🙏

[@GRAHAM2109]

I don't like change and tend to stick with what I am used to..good or bad. I have bpd though.

[@babeofthedead]

Absolutely amazing!

[@pmarceau]

Also look up Obsessive personality disorder. it is very similar to OCD, with a few differences, that should be easy to differentiate. I have Asperger's and grew up with a older narcissistic brother. So I may be able to help you differentiate. But I am not a doctor.

[@Durga695]

I have had to listen to Sam V's utube posts continuously for at least 2 years to grasp how deeply involved, and understand the ampleur of the abuse and how to move on. Kol Hakavod. By the way it never struck me that Sam Vaknin was an Israeli, thanks for all the help and support, from the Negev.

[@samvaknin]

Thank you for your kind words.

[@Durga695]

Thank you, all the best on your path too.

[@cupcake4120]

I know these traits very, very well.

[@chriswillhite5260]

I'm very interested in your system people are saying you're not born with it your parents or peers make you like that butt how can their behavior make you feel no emotions like a robot I don't know if I believe that

[@linsioux217]

+Chris Willhite If you receive no love or empathy as a child, that part of the brain shrivels up. I read about studies and they described it better. The MRI images clearly show that part of the brain and the differences. If you never hear speech before a certain age, you will never be able to learn how to talk. Sure, you can learn words and their meanings and even utter them. But you can't put together a sentence. The brain never got wired for it.

[@samvaknin]

+Chris Willhite Pathological narcissism is a reaction to prolonged abuse and trauma in early childhood or early adolescence. The source of the abuse or trauma is immaterial - the perpetrators could be parents, teachers, other adults, or peers. Pampering, smothering, spoiling, and "engulfing" the child are also forms of abuse - see these: vaksam.tripod.com/narcissismglance.html vaksam.tripod.com/npdglance.html vaksam.tripod.com/journal42.html metapsychology.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=de&id=419 Narcissistic and psychopathic parents and their children - click on the links: groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/4727 The Genetic Underpinnings of Narcissism vaksam.tripod.com/journal43.html Portrait of the Narcissist as a Young Man groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/narcissisticabuse/conversations/messages/5048 Adolescent Narcissist - A Case Study samvak.tripod.com/narcissistadolescent.html

[@laleezy77]

@@linsioux217 omgoodness

[@samvaknin]

Watch the video "Narcissist: Stable Life, or Roller Coaster" on this channel.

[@janesayers897]

Thank you so much so helpful Blessings Jane

[@pingpong2456]

Im very insecure and even scored a 1 on a narcissist test but i don't really have empathy for others, i just think im spoiled and selfish, i think this contradicts my narc score

[@dante4d]

+Ping Pong You might have condition they call "inverted narcissism" or a "covert narcissism" I think... Try looking that up and see if that fits better...

[@samvaknin]

+dante4d More about inverted and covert narcissists www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq66.html

[@samvaknin]

I don't. Others do.

[@colleend5171]

Sam Vaknin, I would like to ask if a narcissist can seem very close to his family (parents, brothers and sisters? Actually praising them, but being financially well off and allowing them to live in squalor. If they can seem to have lots of friends who are really only acquaintances. Seem very religious? But display almost all of the other traits that you describe?

[@colleend5171]

+Sam Vaknin also very successful in their career. They say they have been married 1 time, then later reveals that they have been married 2 times. They say that they were both crazy then admits to cheating on one and "feels terrible". They have a child that their family doesn't know about.

[@samvaknin]

See the relevant video on my KZbin channel. Use the search box.

[@gaminghqpc922]

Helpful! thanks Mr. psychologist.

[@HeatherMarkham]

I am a student of Psychology and am trying to differentiate between NPD and APD. As I understand it, APD often has parts of NPD, (as well as borderline), but after hearing your descriptions, and watching the documentary you were interviewed in, I suddenly can't tell the difference between them Can you please explain the separation between these? Your information is very good.

[@shqiponjamehmeti9914]

What if they have a job, a family and a life which looks from the outside, in order, where is the chaos which is taking place then; when it´s not obvious?

[@xorda200]

But don’t we all like the basic routine? Friends, work, hobby’s ?And is it not normal when you are used to somethings or some one, the word fall apart when you loos it ?

[@jess5963]

reminds me of Nietzche

[@HashslingingSlasher-xc5tb]

Some narcissists are very spontaneous and don't have rigid long-term beliefs. Also people with Asperger's, for example, may fit this description but not be NPD. He did say, "many narcissists" at the beginning, though, and not "all."

[@samvaknin]

With the DSM 5, Asperger's is no longer an accepted mental health diagnosis and autism is often misdiagnosed as narcissism samvak.tripod.com/journal72.html