NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast

On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles.
More coverage at: www.onion.com

[@vk45de54]

"if they were circular, there'd be no place where they can go straight." this guy knows his shit

[@collincaperton6718]

I mean he has a point

[@fighter-yo3di]

@@collincaperton6718 Circles don’t have points though

[@NiePieerdol]

@@fighter-yo3di What? Sure they do, why wouldn't they?

[@noobsquad2652]

@@fighter-yo3di yeah they have an infinite number of points

[@darthidiot7563]

lol

[@anchuto]

I always find that the best way to win a race is to finish first.

[@jesseperez3086]

If you aint first you're last

[@Just_another_turtle]

Thank you very much for that advice

[@lemo4739]

Jesse perez second place is just the first loser

[@theultimatehuman]

It's important to remember that while this may be the most common method used to win, it is not the only one. You could also attempt to win in spirit, or simply have more fun than the other team.

[@kellyrowsey2668]

I’m gonna give that a shot. Thanks anchuto 👍

[@AkheirAX]

'Is this straight enough' 'Straighter' LMAO

[@ibperson7765]

Abdul Al Amry lol

[@nyanpig430]

Satire lv.100

[@95rav]

@Praveen ... unless you are gay.

[@markb.humble6945]

@@95rav no, no, if one is gay, then there is definitely a MAJOR lack of straightness that could be happening.

[@MB-cv5pz]

I’ve seen gay parades straighter than this racing line!

[@LuisCalderon_HN]

"Eighteen dead in Damar, Kansas after tornado warning siren set to 'vibrate'" LMAO

[@samahita-vca]

Only old Onion News can make something like this lol

[@violetsterling67]

This is the funniest part of the whole thing! lol 😄

[@bugrilyus]

@@samahita-vca nowadays they are not that good enough

[@TCt83067695]

@@bugrilyus no, it's just because reality is too overtly stupid to parody

[@gooseman9690]

Did they die because of the tornado or because the siren caused an earthquake

[@351cleavland]

Having watched Nascar on a few occasions I can say, positively, that the cars do go straight and then suddenly without warning turn left.

[@squirrel8185]

Well I knew about the Left turn part, but who knew it was so complex as they also had to go fast the same time...

[@deadlyqueen7858]

I feel as if the turn is often preceded by engine noises personally.

[@jtzr1371]

Skill issue. Learn2Nascar

[@tyvulpintaur2732]

Though the drivers hate it when their GPS goes out during the race. They get so lost....

[@PhillipBell]

There's a reason that they turn left, it's not unexpected at all. The reason is that's what all the other cars do. You gotta turn left when they all turn left. The hardest thing to do is lead, because you don't know when to turn left, since there are no cars ahead of you. You just got to guess at it. That's why it's so hard to win Nascar.

[@NickG40]

"I like to go fast and turn left sometimes."

[@AiOinc1]

Screw you danica Patrick I'm just as poor and stupid as you are

[@joaomarcoscosta4647]

@@AiOinc1 If you have the intelligence and means to post a full sentence without spelling mistakes on the internet, you are clearly not poor and stupid enough.

[@mirkowehrhahne]

@@joaomarcoscosta4647 they were quoting south park...

[@joaomarcoscosta4647]

@@mirkowehrhahne I know.

[@AiOinc1]

@Sylar Rogue No, drag racers can go to the left sometimes. It just ends poorly.

[@corncornrocks]

Sometimes I forget what peddle is go and what one is stop, I respect these athletes for their ability to go fast consistently.

[@mikearchibald744]

constantly

[@datamasked623]

"Don't turn left!" "I'm not turnin' left!" "Don't turn left!" "I'm not turnin' left!" "Ok, now turn left!" "I'm turnin' left!" "Now go straight!" "Is this straight enough?!" LMFAO

[@THELANKANCOMRADE]

Data Masked your flag is the wrong way

[@boothe2803]

VIDURA JAYAWARDENE not if you’re in australia

[@Bartooc]

Straighter

[@andysedgley]

If nothing else, I admire your dedication in typing out the lyrics for us 😂

[@eydiggah5872]

SAMIR YOU ARE BREAKING THE CAR

[@planetary109]

Well you see it's very complicated, because when you turn your steering wheel left, it does two things at once. It moves the wheels to point towards the left, yet it also makes the car turn left, the common mistake people make is that they don't keep their steering wheel pointing left. What you have to do it keep the steering wheel pointed until you have completed the turn. There's a large 2 page manual on how to do this on the internet. Good luck.

[@mthf5839]

Since when is 2 pages considered large for professional-grade manuals

[@xavier4519]

@@mthf5839 there's a large 1 page manual on how to understand 2 page manuals and why they're considered large 2 page manuals, but in general, they're considered large 2 page manuals because they have words in them like a manual does and also instructions and they're hard to read exactly like a manual

[@kylewashington1841]

@@xavier4519 Links God Damn it!

[@xavier4519]

@@kylewashington1841 it's too hard to read you wouldn't understand, just assume you need to turn the wheel until the corner is over and then make the wheel straight until there's another corner

[@janelantestaverde2018]

@@xavier4519 What kind of pages are we talking about here? What size? And are there pictures on them?

[@jamiethornton6101]

Nascar would be such a boring event if they raced on circular tracks. That's why Nascar went all balls out and use oval tracks!

[@h1zchan]

+jamie thornton Why dont they do Formula 1 style tracks instead?

[@GGKevin]

+Henrick Likesrabbits They're just called road tracks. NASCAR only has but two on road courses, I believe. They rest are just ovals.

[@h1zchan]

GGKevin duh.. booooring...

[@jimmiechase9485]

@@zUJ7EjVD @PocoonoRaceway

[@samd2013]

They need to have figure 8 tracks.

[@Aqmal34]

"I'm gonna drive fast and turn left sometimes" - Eric Cartman

[@dogwithabeard2612]

All you need is to be poor and stupid.

[@bennett7658]

@@dogwithabeard2612 tell that to lightning McQueen dickweed

[@bennett7658]

Dulcimer

[@lukassnakeman]

nascar races should just randomly change the direction of the race. that'd make things interesting

[@41570]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/pmeTn3mMrq9ml6c Watching this one live was hilarious.

[@alcoholya]

Only commies think this way...

[@lowleypeasentmr.l8836]

@@41570 the video is no longer available what was it about?

[@41570]

@@lowleypeasentmr.l8836 A NASCAR race that incorporated a left turn or two. There were frequent crashes on one left turn in particular, with small lines of cars all plowing into the wall together, lol.

[@Fullyautomagic]

This is america son

[@julianvizio2190]

Its a joke but man, this is how we in the rest of the world see nascar

[@Victoria-ij3cb]

Most Americans view it this way too tbh lol

[@julianvizio2190]

@@Victoria-ij3cb And dont get wrong victoria, i love América, but my god, cannot see anything funny about turning 300 times to the left. Its like there is no strategy, or ability. In one turn one passes the other one like 30mph faster and in the next one, the other does the same. Has no logic. The same happens with baseball, ice hockey or even football, and im a rugby fan!

[@abramo7700]

@@julianvizio2190 it’s mostly about endurance and how you plan your next overtake, like if it was just one guy on the track turning left for 30 minutes that would be boring, but trying to get to first place while managing your fuel, tyres, and trying to be defensive and overtake at the same time is pretty difficult and makes for some great races plus the crashes are great too ;)

[@jamesonrosen1773]

This is our punishment for making booze illegal

[@mfelix3511]

As a British F1 fan, I can just laugh at this video, but I'm close to the danger zone.

[@aszhara2900]

This is still how they do things, amazing how far ahead of his time Dan Amon was

[@DarthNerd9]

"Is this straight enough?" "Straighter!" LOL

[@NG-gy6iv]

When you're fucking your homie in the ass and you only left one sock on

[@EYEZACISTRYify]

@@NG-gy6iv the left one!

[@neilbradley]

"Get ready to turn, but not yet!"

[@cadettipk]

GO STRAIGHT AND GO FAST.

[@u.v.s.5583]

Stop going straight! Now turn left! Now! LEFT! Damn it. Now I need a new driver.

[@shaulstrait4313]

Bad coach he didn't even explain how to stop when the race is over. Does he expect that we could just figure this out on our own????

[@zeyzerx3722]

You’re supposed to stop by crashing and causing a 20 car wreck.

[@turnip8184]

@@zeyzerx3722 thank you I was very confused on the proper protocol

[@u.v.s.5583]

That's why you always need a pro coach near you. He will know the right moment to start slowing down, to slow down, then slowly stop, not abruptly. But to begin slowing down, you must first be reprogrammed. At this particular moment it is wrong to have the gas pedal completely down. In fact, you have to release it, and then move your foot and press down ANOTHER pedal. The amazing thing is that the coach knows where the pedal is, how to find it, how strong to press it and so on. Never ever try to slow down by yourself without supervision of an expert coach. Many have died because they thought, they'd figure this out on their own.

[@21stcenturyfossil7]

You expect him to give up all his secrets in one interview?

[@pavarottiaardvark3431]

You run out of fuel and then it sorta just stops on its own

[@medexamtoolsdotcom]

How could anyone be such a genius as to figure out a winning strategy in such a complicated competition with such subtlety. It truly is a testament to the human mind and the human spirit and makes me proud to be an American.

[@ricegum2022]

That reporter is one of the best on the Onion. His delivery is hilarious.

[@vexivero]

I also am glad I got to get a rare treat of an inside glimpse into NASCAR strategy

[@TommyAngelo1337]

"Woman listens to movie scores on her iPod to add gravitas to her life" Relateable

[@B10401]

The onion has our back with these vocabulary refreshers

[@FatherManus]

I do that with Interstellar's scorem

[@cromanticheer]

I feel attacked. XD

[@mushababduasysyahid5164]

@@FatherManus me too! Fact

[@cloudynguyen6527]

You know replace "woman" with "man" and "movie scores" to "game ost" and it still stands correct Yes folks, I set Halo ost as alarm ringtone. It just makes waking up more awesome lmao.

[@evo2542]

Back when Nascar was popular enough to even be parodied. Haven't heard of it in a really long time.

[@limetwistanimations8628]

i've heard it's getting a bit more traction these days. nothing amazing but still.

[@jacockistitsworth9392]

@@sailorquestion3229 They weren't talking to that person lmao, the person they were talking about deleted their reply.

[@Qtoyghs]

@@limetwistanimations8628 Heh. Traction. I see what you did there.

[@limetwistanimations8628]

@@Qtoyghs oh, I didn't actually mean to do that, lol.

[@RemixedVoice]

I don't think Nascar has lost or gained popularity in a long time. It has always had a strong following in the south and that's about it lol.

[@drumnbasssakuga9352]

As a NASCAR fan and sim racer I can confidently say that this is about how well the motorsport is described. It requires a ton of finesse and expertise to be fast around an oval yet it's impossible to find actual guides to basic techniques like throttle control, brake control, and drafting. Also 0:55 is legitimately good advice, knowing the exact spot to turn in is key to running the fastest line, and that changes based on tire wear and air temperature

[@MAKUA5D]

drive fast and turn to the left sometimes

[@Psychicqueen]

I'm a NASCAR fan, and I died when he said that the circles were a common misconception. XD

[@Astrosisphere]

I like how the idea of turning right at 1:02 completely brings out the southerner in him!

[@Anarchsis]

I’m not even a NASCAR fan but I have always been intrigued by the tactics teams use to win races, and coach cleared it up in terms I was able to understand, ‘Go Fast’ who would have thought.

[@GIRLAG0G0]

2023 and I still laugh everytime I watch this. I always pass it along to anyone who hasn't seen it and send it to my son when he's had a hard day.

[@kniknayme9865]

Thank you Onion . This sport baffled me until you did the interview. Now it kind of make sense. Easy once you know how !

[@romansans1581]

As a lifelong NASCAR fan, I can confirm he knows his stuff.

[@contextwithjohnmalone]

Having worked in NASCAR and Indycar for over 25 years, I love this 🤣

[@redfishbluefish4973]

This reminds me of the South Park episode where Cartman was a nascar driver and just talked about left turns in his press conferences.

[@supastar25]

2:00 Expert coaching there lmfao

[@okrajoe]

The ovals through me off when I first started racing.

[@ColHogan-le5yk]

okrajoe threw?

[@harrybarber3255]

okrajoe there is just one

[@RevZafod]

Well, duh, that's why they threw him off, because as a NASTYCAR driver he couldn't count past one!

[@cloroxbleach5474]

@@RevZafod says the dude who not only Sang happy birthday to his wannabe sports car, but also gave the automobile a whole ass birthday cake #bachelorforever

[@RevZafod]

@@cloroxbleach5474 : Says the jealous guy who can't afford one. And BTW, it was a lovely ceremony, and I've been rewarded since with even more horsepower. Use your name on your own mind to destroy that jealousy, speaking as a retired chemist.

[@Coffeepanda294]

These classics will never grow old.

[@flipfloddess9986]

Even after all these years this is still hilarious

[@Leo___________]

2022 crew

[@exidemontecarlo]

I have been a NASCAR fan my entire life, and I have been racing stock cars for a hobby for over 20 years. I think this, like most Onion videos, is hilarious.

[@thunderflash82]

"18 dead in Damar, Kansas after tornado warning siren set to vibrate" - LOL

[@eggsngritstn]

The earnest delivery totally sells this. Well done. Well done.

[@Leo___________]

2022 crew

[@RedfishCarolina]

I swear this is one of the funniest skits ever recorded.

[@johnlocke4695]

My favourite financial strategy is "Buy Low Sell High" Can't understand why so many people won't just do this.

[@RoundenBrown]

Good ol' old school Onion!

[@slydtsman]

Now I've learned all I need to know about the inner workings of NASCAR & it's drivers.

[@oldbatwit5102]

One of those things that look easy on the tv but you don't realise just how much training goes into it.

[@KneelB4Bacon]

"Well, the most important point is to drive fast . . ."

[@alt_milhouse7338]

NASCAR : left or dead

[@StevieObieYT]

"Is this straight enough?" "No. Go straighter." - Valuable life lesson right there. Coach has something to teach all of us 😂😂😂

[@nascargo19thesecond]

"you might could hit them"

[@sherif.ghoneim]

Legend says he is still "going fast and going straight"

[@shivam.maharshi]

If someone can please explain that in laymen's terms without all the technical jargon, that would be really appreciated.

[@HoneyIEducatedTheWeb]

Sometimes I forget what is a car and what is not a car. Sometimes I forget what forget means, and so would think of it as a forgettable experience, if I could stop forgetting about it. You people are geniuses.

[@worldsfastestdrummer]

Brilliant!!!!

[@unincorporated1]

"If he turns right, then he's gonna drive right into the wall, and all those other drivers are gonna pass him and they're gonna win the race and he's gonna lose and that's not good"... Truer words have never been spoken.

[@LastTaboo]

...look out the windshield... That's an excellent strategy. If only common drivers used this NASCAR trick.

[@rodrigoe.oleapolverg7308]

I really like this guy's style, especially when he goes fast! I wonder if he'll use that going fast tactic in the next race, I'm sure they'll definitely win if they do!

[@BB-fd2rf]

Its more technical than I thought. Hats off to these guys!

[@sie4431]

It's a lot more complicated than this clip suggests. For example, they didn't even mention breaking and that can be very important

[@q12aw50]

Not if you just drive fast 😒

[@leebatt7964]

I had no idea nascar was such a complex sport! I never would have thought not steer towards another car because you might could hit it. Genius!

[@launch4]

I look forward to their segment on drag racing.

[@NYGGJELEBEITE]

I like how they keep at it

[@lt9690]

Like my track coach said ," IF you forget everything else I taught you, stay in front, turn left...." 😆

[@ImNotaRussianBot]

But not always left, sometimes you gotta go straight.

[@roymacarthur4561]

Heard an old interview of Graham Hill asked what his tactics were: "I drive as fast as I can ALL THE TIME"

[@unclefestus]

@argozempo I know there is a lot to it, especially the part where he's dealing with pedals and turning left. You may have to watch the video again a few times to absorb all that tremendous knowledge, but once you do, you'll know all the best racing strategies in the world.

[@maxversthappening8166]

“Just f***ing drive fast!” -Johan Deruvula’s Engineer

[@mickblock]

Right! I love how the Onion commentators completely mock the sense of importance that news shows use to deliver even the most inane topics

[@Gerdrako20]

I´m an amateur driver, and I dont know if this sound familiar to you but somethimes I confuse left side with right side and its kindda dangerous if you drive fast, I get exited when I see these real pros doing such an amazing job!!!

[@blj9793]

Finding an unwatched onion video is like finding a treasure trove.

[@SuperOlivess]

STRAIGHTER

[@gbvfan]

"Am I going straight enough?" "Straighter!!" Hahaha...The Onion is brilliant.

[@ucimyy4u]

One of the best ones yet!

[@hudbudmudsud]

I love the onion. They provide great news!!

[@cam-rod]

Leclerc taking notes for the Australian GP

[@jburm0305]

This is classic, Im almost crying this is so funny!

[@ibperson7765]

jburm0305 Yeah it’s one of the best man. So good

[@ClearTheRubble7]

I was always afraid to drive in a NASCAR race, because I didn't know these secrets. This has reduced my fear quite a bit.

[@lv-426devasher6]

A figure-eight track would be amazing! Maybe a loop-de-loop too!

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

That's something I might actually watch.

[@EtzEchad]

This guy didn't mention one of the secret strategies that only a few drivers know: there are actually two pedals in a NASCAR race car! It's very important to only press the one on the right. People have lost races by pushing the other one instead.

[@matthewklompus8444]

"UCLA report finds your office romance is never going to happen if you don't wake up early enough to brush your hair"! Phenomenal

[@requiem165]

This is pure brilliance

[@ianmudd1383]

reading the scroll is the best part

[@ConfettiExplosion]

I treat everything like a race. The drive to work, dinner, sex with my wife. I always finish first. I’m like a professional raceist.

[@jamiestewart7327]

Imma drive real fast and turn left sometimes🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@aceboogie8986]

Everytime im having a crap day i watch the onion its awesome

[@hemipemi]

It's also great to watch when you're having a crap, period. (and I imagine it's also good if you're having a crap period).

[@mitchelkvedar674]

An onion clip I haven’t seen omfg

[@aflsbrng]

i love nascar! my favourite part is when they turn left.

[@PrawilnaMordka]

The only interesting moments 😂 Be happy that Nascar has turns at all😂

[@lordsuperman5100]

"Its rare to talk to someone who knows so much about nascar".LOL

[@KenLinx]

1:20 Not gonna lie this kinda blew my mind. I always wondered why there were no circular tracks ever.

[@moravianlion3108]

This never gets old

[@SuperOlivess]

One of the most LMAO onion videos I"ve seen>

[@imAnF18nBiWinning]

This one is good too. kzbin.info/www/bejne/bJO0oZqLa5yDq9E

[@windyman56]

1:20 someone obviously never has heard of Langley. you're never going straight at that track. ;)

[@aj_theshark]

I'm pretty sure they actually know nothing about NASCAR. But this is still funny as heck.

[@dill6688]

Gator Jeaux I love nascar, but I find this hilarous

[@landoflogic107]

Langley? Try Langhorne before it got paved. It was nicknamed the Big Left Turn, as its a circle

[@Ziggy_Moonglow]

Langley? 0.400 mile paved oval and yes, you do go straight there, unless you have your car setup completely loose for drifting or just missed the setup really bad..

[@requiett]

The Onion has the most professional news anchors in the industry.

[@theintelligentcow7447]

This is one of the best Onion news titles ever

[@repressedtears8568]

LMAO sounds like eric cartman

[@VPCh.]

As someone who has never watched Nascar before, this honestly seems legit.

[@arjunashtekar.1562]

Oversimplification is an underestimated form of satire

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

The same as "Don't be last".

[@madmax41094]

"Is this straight enough?" "No, STRAIGHTER"

[@ccricers]

When I play Forza 2 online, I know most people don't really want to play the boring Nissan Speedway track unless they want to goof around in it and bump cars, drive backwards, etc. I feel the same way with how I look at Nascar races.

[@Koffiato]

11 years later and I'm wondering you started appreciating it or that effect is permanent.

[@harrihaffi2713]

I’ve learned soooo muuuuch!!!

[@JBLAKIE1]

@DeadFishFactory dont turn right because of the wall but dont turn left too soon or you'll end up in the grassy area. just keep goin straight and fast.