NEGATIVE IMPACT Of COMMITMENT In A Toxic Family: What You Need To Know

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Sometimes your family may include the personality trait of machiavellianism which changes the scope of everything. Once you learn this trait is in your family, you can better assess how you need to proceed. To see my live chat on Machiavellianism in family, click here: kzbin.info9vGY9VkKcZ8.

[@karlatx2844]

I am definitely not liked. They always appear to invalidate me and believe or expect negative things about me. There’s no support or sympathy for me and my feelings. I am always wrong and spoken about behind my back. Almost as if they enjoy me struggling.

[@BLACKWomeninMUSICFestival]

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[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry.😔 Thank God that life doesn't end with them. You still have life to live and despite who they are, you must have peace. I hope you do as you continue on this journey.

[@terrijones1167]

They do enjoy you struggling.

[@hayswhite]

This makes so much sense. I’m grieving their complete lack of respect and care for me. I just don’t count. Wow. This helps so much. I couldn’t understand why I was in so much pain thank you

[@seahorse251]

I hope you can find peace. I know it's painful 💔 😢

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry to hear this😔 It's a learning process and perhaps that process started with this live chat. It will get "better" overtime and as you figure things out. It's a process to figuring out what you need and want to do.

[@BLACKWomeninMUSICFestival]

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[@imaginepeace7588]

Thank you so much for extremely well said Unfortunately This is my story 💯. The years of traumatic emotional experiences abuse and chronic illnesses are unbearable. I’m giving up. They have been abusing me for years. I have Autonomic Nervous System Dysfunction and POTS and autonomic neuropathy. The trauma caused CPTSD. 6 months of hell on earth nightmare. I’m done being bullied by people. I’m mostly alone because my husband is a narcissist and has abandoned me neglecting me. Verbal abusing me. Too much! 😥😥😥🙏✌️❤️‍🩹☮️

[@seahorse251]

I had no support, no love, and no help from my family growing up. I went no contact 30 years ago. Narc mother has passed. My three siblings are not interested in having a relationship with me. I would have relationships with them but they were just flying monkeys for the narc mother 😢 The siblings don't talk to each other now either. I accepted long ago exactly what you are saying no support, no love, no help. My life has been a living hell. Only God has been by my side protecting me, sending me strangers to help when I had major surgeries. Thank you Jesus for loving me ❤ I really enjoy your teachings.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I hate to hear when another human being feels unloved. But I absolutely love that you say "Thank you Jesus for loving me...." Sometimes that the best and only love you'll get! Hopefully you will have peace on this journey.

[@seahorse251]

@TherapistTamaraHill thank you. I appreciate you 💖🌻🌼🦋

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

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[@seahorse251]

I tried for 28 years to get that balance. I finally had enough and called it quits. Mic 🎤 drop. Never went back. Period. Poor acquisition of skills yes. Like how to forgive others. Stability. Black sheep escape goat yes. I don't think people are tolerating these toxic families these days. Good for them. Parents are dumbfounded when their adult kids stop talking to them. They should watch this video. Maybe they would get a clue. I didn't have a conversion disorder I had the real thing. Skin conditions, IBS requiring colon surgery all on my own.

[@BLACKWomeninMUSICFestival]

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[@Odetta-c3y]

This live chat has been so helpful for me. Tamara you have answered so many questions that I had about my family turning against me because I see the elephant in the room and I will call it out. I called out the sick Sister and I believe she played victim and everyone is drinking the Kool-aid. So I am estranged from family. I did them one better and went no contact. The pain is great however I would rather work through this pain than to go back to familiar pain. Thank you Tamara

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome. You will move through this. So many of my clients would agree with you: "The pain is great however I would rather work through this pain than to go back to familiar pain."

[@Odetta-c3y]

❤❤❤❤🌹🌹🌹🌹

[@CaptainBlood-ge9zw]

I held one soft boundary… and the entire system fell apart.

[@Makanalani888]

They never stop. My parents new trick is having family members from off island come to my home uninvited, unannounced and unexpected. They come at 7am on weekend mornings no warning. They came to do a deliverance prayer because they believe my parents even when the story doesn’t line up. My parents have turned my cousins I grew up with against me! The holidays are so hard. They want hold me to their family obligations but they betrayed and continue to betray me over and over and over again. I tell people I have no family. They all believe I’m either mentally ill, demon possessed, or just evil. 😢

[@seahorse251]

Overeating, retail therapy, hoarding. Maladaptive behaviors.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Agree! Good point.

[@BLACKWomeninMUSICFestival]

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[@-Ms.L]

Thank you for posting the gang stalking video and this one😊.

[@angelinesanders6471]

Thank you for all of this information

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome!

[@anthonybates8568]

The accuracy of your breakdown. Smh Story of My Black Sheep Life 🤔🧐🤨😒

[@Sarara-mv5sx]

Disappointed I missed the live - internet issues. Looking forward to watching.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗I've been there!

[@Sarara-mv5sx]

@@TherapistTamaraHill On another note, if I may: I remember you mentioning your interest in forensic psychology - there is an excellent BBC fictional series titled "This Thing of Darkness". It's absolutely compelling, really outstanding content and production - the blurb is "An award-winning drama that explores the psychological impact of murder, inspired by the work of a real forensic psychologist in secure prisons. The series follows Dr. Alex Bridges, an expert forensic psychiatrist, as she assesses and treats perpetrators of serious crime". I'm wondering if you might consider an episode on the topic of forensic psychology? - and I have a feeling you'd really appreciate this radio show - so well done.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you for mentioning this!! I do recall seeing this somewhere but lost track of it. I will definitely be adding this edge of psychology to the live chats more this year. I will check into this too!! Thank you. It may be my new obsession!

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

They should change when it’s really bad though. Yes they said I was the family enemy so extreme

[@imaginepeace7588]

Thanks!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome! And thank you for the superchat!

[@yurkstudios]

I Thought this was a curse in my family…now this is common??? And only weeks after me disconnecting I come across this video. 😮🙏🏼

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

So venerable to all sorts of spoofery and using because of commitment and obligation being in me

[@jeremy19175]

Dr.tamara i found the videos they are titled cutting ties and inside the mind of people who are mad at the world

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Awesome! Thank you for clarifying that. I will get to your comment now.

[@tragedy-and-comedy]

From Norway, Thank you so much for your wisdom and guidance. ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome!! I'm glad this was helpful. And thank you.

[@DAJ-y3l]

9:58 THATS EXACTLY WHAT THEY PLANNED ON !! BUT IM THE BLACK SHEEP INDEPENDENT SINGLE WOMAN WHO DOES NOT NEED THEM ALL IV EVER NEEDED IS GOD & GOD IS ALL THAT I WILL EVER NEED LOVE & APPROVAL FROM !!✝️☮️💜 I DECIDED AFTER THEIR BETRAYAL THAT I WILL LOVE THEM & FORGIVE THEM FROM AFAR ❤💔❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 10:58 you just nailed it 💯

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

That's a really good point you make here: " I DECIDED AFTER THEIR BETRAYAL THAT I WILL LOVE THEM & FORGIVE THEM FROM AFAR...." Sometimes that's the only way to love a complex family.

[@MeetMeOnTheMoon]

Thank you.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome!

[@BLACKWomeninMUSICFestival]

🎯💞🙏🏾🌹

[@KimberlyGladden-r2x]

I’ve already set lots of boundaries with my family and relatives It’s for the betterment of my Mental and Emotional 🥹 Health And My Love Life With My Native American Fiancé

[@Smartbeautifulawesome]

They should change when it’s really bad though

[@KimmieSue.]

I'm seeing alot of psychologists are telling ppl to walk away from their families. I think it's ungodly and ppl need Jesus.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

I figured it is best to address this comment to help illuminate what the truth is. If you can point out in scripture where God says it is "ungodly" to identify evil and move away from it, that would be good for those who may want to know. I do not know any scripture that says this. In fact, it is the story of Abraham and Lot that supports a move away from people (a family member) who is problematic. Read Genesis 13:1-13. *www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%2013&version=NIV There are other stories in the bible where this dynamic is a reality. And let's not forget about Paul who had to go his separate way from Barnabus Acts 15:36-41 www.christianity.com/bible/niv/acts/15-36-41#:~:text=37%20Barnabas%20wanted%20to%20take%20John%2C%20also%20called,such%20a%20sharp%20disagreement%20that%20they%20parted%20company.. It's important that true men of God know the scriptures and recognize that "Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men.” Proverbs 2:12-15 Somtimes that is our very own family. And sometimes that wisdom shows us to walk away. Not always, but sometimes that's the only wise choice you have. What I do believe is ungodly is making the bible trivial. That's not my intent here. We just have to be careful with how we apply the Word and that goes for me too! People need to understand that walking away may not be the remedy in ALL cases. But no scripture in the bible says you must stay imprisoned.

[@julieanna8495]

There are four daughter in laws in my in-law family. I was the last one to enter it. They made me the scapegoat to almost everything.🫤. Finally after 36 years of this and a diagnosis of Parkinson’s, I have blocked contact with two of them. The constant criticism and back stabbing coupled with the gossiping of these two have worn me down. They have not taken it well. Who will become the new scapegoat? The third one has late stage cancer so they cannot gang up in her.🙃. I left them a dilemma.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Oh my. That's a long time. Sounds like a complicated family dynamic. Gossip, invalidation, rumor spreading, and sneaky talk are all "primative defense mechanisms" of immaturity. This behavior needs to stop as it doesn't accomplish much and they should understand that. So I can't blame you for using this coping mechanism.