Never get in a Gun Measuring contest with Humans & The mind games they play | HFY | TFOS1084

[@JesseGolo]

"If I'm going down, I'm taking it with me." "What?" "Existence."

[@Enderwyvern6450]

Yea, that sums us humans pretty good

[@garysmith3037]

Human: "Well, you know that theory where there are multiple universes?" Alien arms dealer: "Yeah, what about it?" Human: "There are fewer of them now."

[@bottleogames]

I'm certain a pilot was messing around with a strangelet in another universe and as a joke wrote "I am an a - you are poop that's pee" and then the whole universe turned to excrement

[@ChaosLierLen]

o no i let out my evil laugh

[@notoriginal8450]

@@bottleogames that got a giggle out of me. Funny stuff

[@ballsacsincorp]

​@@bottleogames all for shits and giggles

[@thereprehensible435]

_"His name is 'Harvey'."_ That was a massive twist!

[@Calaban619]

He did start off by saying "he hated being called that" 😁

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@gingercore69]

I didnt get the refference

[@4yinyang]

@@gingercore69 At the beginning of the story it is noted that he hates being called "Rob, the human." Presumably because it would be annoying to constantly be referred to as "the human" every time, but then at the very end it is revealed that the reason he hates it is because his name is Harvy, not Rob. It's just a funny little joke I think, perhaps even a mind game in spirit of the core of the story that the writer played on us, the audience. Did that answer the question you were asking? Because I don't think it's a direct reference to anything specific, if that's what you were asking.

[@gingercore69]

@@4yinyang oh allright! I was thinking that maybe there was a refference to something

[@julonkrutor4649]

Human warning: 1. Do not declare war on any part of humanity. This will result in uniting humanity against you. 2. If you are at war with humanity...well, try to make peace. Also, your odds of survival, the odds of your specias, will increase greatly if you treat prisoners well and avoid "civilian" casualties. For a definition of civilian read the human rules of war. A copy is attached to this file. 3. Follow the human rules of war!!! You do not want to find out why this is important. 4. Remember, the human love war. They say they don't , but they are at war all the time. And they are really good at it. 5. Surrendering is always an option.

[@continentaltuber8610]

The char have made a mistake the humans are at our home world and are demanding unconditional surrender what do we need to do ?

[@continentaltuber8610]

@kuroryuu010 Captain’s log: after the successful counter offensive against the char we have made it to their home world, they refused unconditional surrender.............

[@Volucrum]

Addition to rule 5. After using tactics the humans consider war crimes by not following rule 2. Surrender may be ignored as the requirement for surrender to be accepted only applies to those who follow the rules of war.

[@sethgilcrist8088]

Addendum. Never ever ever kill human infants there is nothing that can save you if they think you are a kiddy killer

[@sethgilcrist8088]

6 humans are not scared of you. They are not scared of your numbers, you strength or you technology. 7 there is nothing that you can do to humanity that they have not already done to themselves and most likely before they even managed to left there home world. 8 Somewhere in some archive humans have to a plan to kill every race they have ever met. 9 never ever underestimate there ability to turn any technology into a weapon. There history shows that all their technology revolves around war. Even there metal working technology steamed from I want a better weapon to kill that guy or a need better armor to keep that guy from killing me. Or there limb replacement technology from the want to get that guy back into the fight or there medical technology oh how do I keep that guy why had been brutally injured not only alive but hey him back into fighting condition.

[@dairoleon2682]

"I wonder how they know what color it is." is my favorite plot twist because it's so nonchalant and so damning at the same time.

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@TheJMPD]

Actually, my calculations indicate it would be spinning counter-clockwise- sideways- lilac.. It's common error😁

[@NPCNo-xm2li]

Arms dealer: "Oh yeah?! What about that one galaxy killing precursor weapon." Human: "Cool, but why don't you just destroy the universe while at it?" Arms dealer: "Do... what?!"

[@AgroSquerril]

yup

[@wolfoffenris9951]

To cite starlord "because I'm one of the idiots living in it"

[@asurasyn]

"Allow me to introduce you to the Multiversal Hyper Cannon!"

[@dakotawelch7378]

@@asurasyn I feel like the scientist from Phineas and Ferb should be the one naming weapons. At least the people getting slaughtered get to laugh before they die.

[@justarandomtechpriest1578]

@@dakotawelch7378 doofensmirtz

[@williambarnes5023]

Fun fact: If you focus a kugelblitz laser array so all the beams shine forwards and meet somewhere far in front of you, what you get is NOT a black hole. It is a black LINE. Momentum from the beams is conserved, and they're going the speed of light. The sharper you narrow the focus, the closer to the speed of light the black "hole" goes, and if you leave the beam on, it's forming more black hole behind the one you just fired, continuously, stretching it out into a line.

[@jasonfinch3631]

well, that's horrifying.

[@hojdoj3567]

@@jasonfinch3631 basically the eraser tool

[@wolfoffenris9951]

@@hojdoj3567 thank you, now I'm imagining an operator just erazer tooling the enemy formation of his screen😂

[@hojdoj3567]

@@wolfoffenris9951 Opperator:oh look, xenos *erases half of fleet* there we go.

[@shawnrico8835]

That's not terrifying at all

[@Eboreg2]

I love the misdirection in the second story. The first two were some classic examples of sneak attacks but the last one showed a truly epic, and dare I say, British levels of misdirection.

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

In the Russo-Japanese war the naval plans of the Japanese fleet were leaked to the Russians by a very high ranking Japanese officer. The Russians didn't believe a word of it. The Japanese officer committed seppuku and the Russians found out. Making the Russians 100% believe it all. They dispatched their fleet to take full advantage of the plans and were annihilated. The officer was a national hero and in my eyes still is. His old life (and dishonor forever if the plan didn't work) for many many of his men and the emperor. I would say they have the Brits overmatched for sneaky. I believe that was the first ever naval victory of Asians against Europeans in the modern era. The Brits did a variation of it with the fake corpse and the documents on a smaller scale in WW2. Must have had a historian on the team that came up with that one.

[@continentaltuber8610]

Notice: socktonia is offering a reward for any captured nanites. The reward will be 20 000 credits for 10 nanite swarms. All hail Socktonia!

[@AgroSquerril]

sounds like a good deal

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

Should we use socks to store the captured nanites???

[@Volucrum]

Oh no! The nanite swarms are self replicating in order to claim the reward for themselves!

[@donashcroft93]

Do you want nanite swarm farms? Cos this is how you get nanite swarm farms.

[@boingboingresearcherph.d.2871]

@@donashcroft93 are we taming the nanite swarms now???.... The galactic community be like: "Damn you humans, not again..."

[@libhranan]

Aww, I was hoping gun measuring was going to be a human engineer playing "who's on first" with an alien regarding cartridge naming conventions.

[@erushi5503]

The gun dealer should be writing things down a human is giving him clues for free

[@AgroSquerril]

lol , true

[@IRMentat]

probably too busy shaking in fear to think about it at first. second stories alien seemed to get the general idea tho.

[@asurasyn]

Dude, if that's the shit he's allowed to talk about publicly, imagine the shit that's still classified!

[@odi1126]

@@asurasyn starts to sweat heavily

[@slaughterinthespotlight1669]

@@asurasyn the g a y r a y I mean multiverse breaker yeah haha

[@paulhuston9991]

Rob the human acts like me playing with my nephews haha

[@casanimated1715]

Don't rob the human

[@lawrencem.37]

Reminded me of messing with my cat and dog at the same time. Usually ends with them chasing each other lol.

[@dietricranck3173]

His name is Harvey

[@chrisdefresne3235]

Space Battleships that actually yeet physical rounds sound horrifically effective. Also, we still need more dakka.

[@tedb.5707]

Humans built the flying manhole cover ...without computers.

[@AgroSquerril]

a tactical assault flying manhole cover

[@LiamDerWandrer]

@@AgroSquerril XD

[@ballsacsincorp]

one of if not the fastest manmade objects ever launched even the secret operation name sounds funny - plumbob

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

Yeah, we built an artillery cannon that had to be transported by _Rails_ before the digital age or space flight.

[@Type_blazenil]

Many times, which one are you referring to? The Giga tank? Betsy? The science experiment we shot a truck out of?

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

@@Type_blazenil The giga tank sank in the mud. I'm referring to the german experimental long-range artillery that loaded shells the size of train cars

[@Stookinator]

@@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606 that one was so fucking big, the barrel size istelf expaned every time it was fired

[@potatoman7342]

​@@Type_blazenil the gustav gun

[@dantreadwell7421]

The hand distraction one reminds me of some of the stories I have heard from a friend of mind about his Sensei doing the same things.

[@lairdcummings9092]

Just a mild variation of the kinds of games human children - and child-like adults - have played for, well, since humans were human. It's basically in our DNA.

[@SittingOnEdgeman]

I love that ending on the 2nd story. Nice fluffy way to end it, I wish more stories could find endings like that.

[@LiamDerWandrer]

Fluffy? You did not spot the hidden pun? "Rob the human" whose actual name is Harvey and who just convinced the alien to stop the planned war against humanity via "childish" mind-games. Harvey does not like being referred to as "Rob, the human" either. Well, neither do I, since I do not want to be robbed/mugged. My only question is wether or not Harvey is aware of the planned conflict and/or spotted the pun? To be fair, it is still a very nice happy ending. So in that sense "fluffy" applies. :)

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the left-handed bananas

[@AgroSquerril]

indeed

[@TheDurid1]

I have to wonder what kind of store just casually sells city killer weapons to any walk-in?

[@steve2008s]

Arms dealers, USS, China and Russian, although its a head of state kind of thing.

[@Calaban619]

@@steve2008s [checked post]. hmm.. [rechecks post].. thats weird, no mention of Texas...

[@flamesredinconito6474]

@@Calaban619 Me in Texas with a small infantry unit worth of weapons with a canon: "well you see-"

[@henrypaleveda7760]

@@flamesredinconito6474 "- we're more interesting in land acquisition in Texarcana"

[@baconboi4482]

My favorite store

[@kennethhummel4409]

Ooohh a big shiny gun!! That guy must be Jayne Cobb off of that indie ship Serenity!

[@carbonbeaker409]

Jayne would go crazy in one of those shops

[@ICountFrom0]

Hearing you manage "half pink banana " like that makes me grin, well done.

[@kalskirata42]

You are a +, I am a pink banana, we behave clockwise magenta Came out of left balloon buggy

[@AgroSquerril]

that it did

[@Calaban619]

Eventually the Algorithm will be able to detect posts of "for the Algorithm", and not count them... so "for the Balloon Buggy"

[@LiamDerWandrer]

@@Calaban619 XD

[@hollyferay8131]

Scary & that mischief just saved millions of lives.

[@thatotherguy8138]

...okay, that second story ended awesomely.

[@LiamDerWandrer]

I know, right? The glorious twist, the punniest pun of them all. And the nice happy ending. I wonder if "Rob the human" Harvey caught the pun, and wisely chose to act to correct the aliens preconcieved notions of superiority. XD

[@hanneskarlbom6644]

That twist at the end...

[@LiamDerWandrer]

For the PUN! XD

[@LuanMower55]

The second story was, in my opinion, a lot better (e: fuc*ing autocorrect)

[@AgroSquerril]

glad you enjoyed

[@justinthompson6364]

I have a hard time with sci-fi settings that don't make use of missiles. Course correction is too important an advantage when there's no theoretical maximum range. Also, there seems to be no mention of how the neutronium remains stable outside the intense pressure of the neutron star, and how would you transport an amount big enough to destroy a planet anyway? It'd be simpler to lob a large asteroid and be done with it.

[@clausroquefort9545]

yeah, just combine all the tech mentioned and you have a droneship spewing RTK missiles and MASERs until it slams into it's final target with a neutronium warhead.

[@justinthompson6364]

@@clausroquefort9545 To be fair they do seem to imply it would be impractical to harvest enough neutronium for ship-to-ship combat, and the gun idea isn't necessarily _bad_ (though a more modern shell shape would probably better than a cannonball), I just don't see how it could totally replace missiles.

[@SuperGamefreak18]

@@justinthompson6364 I think it counts on the targets meant for it honestly or the rules of that setting that lead to the total replacement

[@toothpasteman3400]

@@justinthompson6364 simple it's relatively cheap and doesn't waste more resources it's an iron ball it doesn't need electronics or anything like that and unlike missiles when you run out of ammo you still have lasers (powerful ones at that) and *12% the speed of light* do you know how fucking ludicrous that is!

[@justinthompson6364]

@@toothpasteman3400 I watched the video, I know what the justifications were. The issue is no matter how fast you can throw a slug there's a limit to the distance at which you can hit an actively evading target. With a missile, there is no limit. It doesn't matter how great your other weapons are, if it's at all possible that you might need that option and you don't have itt, you've made a huge mistake.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

Is it a bad thing that I understand how all this works? C.I.A., if you recruit me to make weapons, I'll refuse, but I'll gladly end hunger with my ideas on food production.

[@Calaban619]

Wait until the author [innocent look] starts explaining FTL travel, hyper and subspace

[@Gilhelmi]

Wrong agency. DARPA are the crazy ones developing weapons. CIA just spies on (foreign) people. (And Homeland Security spies on Americans.)

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

@@Gilhelmi Very Well; to all listeners: I refuse to make weapons, but I will make all other forma of societal advancement if you deem me worth recruitment.

[@Josh-iv2bw]

The CIA has no interest in actually solving problems.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

@@Josh-iv2bw Oh believe me; I'm well aware the u.s. government in it's entirety does jack shit past keeping the cesspool that is stupid people just barely civilised.

[@Crazylom]

Strangelet is, rather, "most stable shit" in the galaxy, made out of strange quark-matter. Basically - it assimilates our shit into strange shit, which happens to behave as pink banana jungalabra, as author states. We got "grey goo" on steroids AND adrenaline

[@hojdoj3567]

bassicaly yeah but as stated by you and that video from kurzgesagt, not reality ending. if you really want to end really, all you need to do is focus a certain amount of energy over an area of space until you trigger a sustainable vacuum decay chain

[@Crazylom]

@@hojdoj3567 If Strangelet is galaxy-killer, then vacuum decay IS Universe-killer. Yah also agree on laws-bending BS being wrong. But hey, it's HFY, so okay?

[@hojdoj3567]

@@Crazylom of course. It's fiction

[@Calaban619]

@@hojdoj3567 kurzkezagt did a good job on it, but left out the part of gravity force interactions. Every quark pulls on every other quark gravitationally.. out to infinity. I guess they wanted to keep the horror show pg-13

[@papasult11]

It's like an Asian parent flexing their son's "Accomplishments"

[@blackwlf]

"His name is Harvey" startled a laugh out of me.

[@calvingreene90]

Good call on calling off the war.

[@gloop3621]

The strangelet thing they described is more of a vacuum collapse weapon; i.e collapsing the ‘unstable’ universe into a ‘stable’ one, possibly destroying everything in it in the process (or essentially nothing at all, we won’t know until it happens) Essentially if a particle changes into this ‘stable’ state, it (worst case) starts a expanding wave of ‘stable’ reality that grows at the speed of light, giving no warning of its approach, the only thing to stop it being the expansion of the universe outpacing its growth Edit: stranglets, btw, **are** a real thing, or at least theoretically real Similar to vacuum collapse, strangelets are ‘stable’, though instead of destroying the universe, they simply convert other matter into more strange matter (which is what strangelets are made of) They are both rather nasty, but to varying degrees

[@martinpat94]

Who ever makes a strange matter weapon will doom us all

[@robertcartledge826]

That universe killer weapon sounded like a false energy vacuum with extra steps

[@lbochtler]

PSP's are fun. Also, far more entertaining is a true vacuum bomb. Universe go boom, or rather slurp

[@discusmaximus]

For the Author(s), for the narrator Agro Squirrel, for the algorithm !!!

[@thepanzerofthelake732]

12:10 He would put mayonnaise in your donut and would somehow chain it up to the murder of his mother

[@notoriginal8450]

You know. Funny thing, we actually can produce dark matter today. There's a place in Sweden or something that makes dark matter

[@kurtismiller9544]

Complete and utter distraction. Confusion to the enemy!

[@harvey195]

Well that 2nd story's ending surprised me!

[@Eramiserasmus]

Humans doing human things. And that includes the pettiest ways to fight.

[@SergeyWaytov]

#1 made me laugh actually!)

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@calvingreene90]

Correct start second story 9:17

[@adphoenix600]

Oh my goodness this has no mercy here

[@canreymaster11]

His name is Rob, please don't rob the human.

[@LiamDerWandrer]

Another fine conosseur of puns, I see! I am not alone after all in noticing that one. A fine masterpiece of a multilayered pun and meta-mind-game all rolled in one. After all, did Harvey spot the pun and its implications, or not? XD

[@rwberger6]

Is that final weapon basically a false vaccuum popper?

[@AliceUnbound]

Wow, I'm early. Hello people of the internet, and sir Squerril.

[@AgroSquerril]

hey there

[@mr.r.r.o.b]

You're 1st

[@markuhler2664]

Who knew basic brother interactions were superior tactical planning in this universe. Wait til they hear how women back bite each other. They'll preemptively surrender. [As an explanation I'm a male nurse. As any one of us could tell you, at nearly every job you'll have at least one, & usually three or four, female nurse say something along the lines of, "Thank God they hired a man. I can't stand how these women talk about each other, and cause such drama." And why I may not ascribe the women's behavior to their vagina, it's usually a spot on description of what is happening.

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@csi1392]

HARVEY THE HUMAN WOULD BE TOO CARTOONISH

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@sirwinterofwinterland9901]

For The Algorithm!!!!!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@greygalaxy8638]

...Clockwise Magenta...

[@Calaban619]

Well, obviously. That is a fundamental force of strangeness, afterall. 😉

[@FedralBI]

For the REALLY big guns

[@AgroSquerril]

PAPEW

[@Monster_Ink]

For the algorithm!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@suhasinivandavasi4837]

Strange matter it is so stable that it convert any matter

[@t.j.7347]

Can someone explain to me about the ending of the second story?

[@AgroSquerril]

Rob the human doesn't like to be called that... cause his name is Harvey

[@t.j.7347]

@@AgroSquerrilFor the algorithm my brother

[@AgroSquerril]

@@t.j.7347 for the algorithm :)

[@LiamDerWandrer]

Please, do not rob the human either. It is not a wise choice to pick a fight with the tricky buggers after all. XD

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 is so much lol)

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@hughgordon6435]

First time this early? So early that there is not even a thumbs down?

[@AgroSquerril]

that is early :)

[@hughgordon6435]

@@AgroSquerril yup been going through all your content, think this is the first time I've ever seen one of your with no thumbs down? So been subscribed a while now and have always been amazed that there is always been a small number of thumbs down? Have to wonder why? Don't like sci fi? You give plenty of warning, tou narrate brilliantly, and the stories are top notch so why? You ever get any feed back on their negativity?

[@AgroSquerril]

@@hughgordon6435 Not really , some people prefer different types of stories to others me thinks

[@hughgordon6435]

Seems to me too, just never understand? If you are prepared to put your dislikes down ,why not make a comment?

[@Tmonger127]

A comment for the Alorgithm.

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@merlinathrawes746]

How many universes are there? Fewer than there used to be. Those Harvey's can be quite befuddling.

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@AgroSquerril]

:)

[@thomastruant8837]

2kg That's only like a 3.5 inch ball come on humanity you can do better than a 75mm round, that's the smallest howitzer size

[@derekstein6193]

Come on, give them a break. They're trying their best. What do you expect them to use? Jovian mass drivers? For clarification, that is mass drivers that fire jovian planets as projectiles.

[@thomastruant8837]

@@derekstein6193 nah just use 150mm instead just in case some moon is looking a little bit suspicious

[@josmeijers2818]

F.T.A !

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm

[@merlinwizard1000]

238th, 13 March 2023

[@Calaban619]

For the Algorithm. That author name sounds like junk mail spam, tho. How unfortunate.

[@AgroSquerril]

for the algorithm

[@Alleykat0166]

Fun Fact : This Is a Comment also This is not gonna get likes lol

[@johndexterzarate6663]

....Take the "X"

[@Alleykat0166]

@@johndexterzarate6663 X men? That's all that came in my mind ಠ‿ಠ

[@pavlospantazis8932]

@@Alleykat0166 ?????? ?????? ?????? Guess what i said Nugget nugget nugget

[@Alleykat0166]

@@pavlospantazis8932 nuggetx3?? Idk Lol

[@ihtfp01]

My favorite thing about humans is they see things like "can't" and "won't" and "not gonna" as a personal challenge...

[@adphoenix600]

Oh my goodness this has no mercy here

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@AgroSquerril]

For the algorithm