New Astropath Who This | A 40k Parody Webcomic Dub

Roboute Guilliman is a master of logistics, less so of communication...
#Warhammer #40K #Meme
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[@heckinmemes6430]

Lamenters: "Did I hear that right? We're getting 10 new members?!"

[@ajente2o254]

"No, sorry kiddo They died before arriving here"

[@NorninTGK]

Thankfully the Lamenters got more than that.

[@vidrabagoly4246]

The lamenters always have just enough members for them to be able to suffer horrific casualities. Part of the curse i recon.

[@Blundabus1337]

People might find this a joke. However, there is a Lamenters dreadnought that believes it is the only surviving lamenter. In short, he would think they are getting ONE new member.

[@steffanyschwartz7801]

@@ajente2o254drive failure?

[@rexlumontad5644]

At least the Custodians are experts at diplomacy for 10,000 years.

[@theonering1600]

it's pretty easy to do diplomacy when you're a 9ft tall immortal demigod covered in gold, ain't it?

[@vitaliyred622]

Brazen Dragons….yeah

[@jesseberg3271]

They were the Emperor's personal messengers.

[@nyet_maker7948]

​@@jesseberg3271 you misspelled carrierpigeon with bolterspears

[@secondarytrollaccount]

​@@nyet_maker7948nah bruh they were the demon slayers of 40k considering they had to fight demons in the human webway for 5 years straight.

[@sond.lollipop8919]

I love how they just dump all the primarious Marines in a big pile outside

[@michasalamon8315]

Pretty standart military logistic stuff if you ask me. Deliveries work on the rule „Here is your stuff. I dont know where to put it, or who needs it. Its your job to distribute it to people who needs it where they need it. My job is to deliver this and fuck off. So here is your shit, I am fucking off. Good luck see you next week.”

[@noaccount4]

the codex astartes names this maneuvre STEEL RAIN

[@ianhogben3472]

didn't notice till half way through

[@joshuasepeda3289]

I was wondering what that pile outside the window was.

[@ultimatepredatorx2937]

And chucks beer cooler full of gene seed at them.

[@BaronVonMott]

"Wait! Who, or what, are you, even?!" "I'm a Custodes!" "... a what?" "You know... The Emperor's Legion? Personal bodyguards of The Master of Mankind? Guardians of The Imperial Palace?" "Since when does the EMPEROR need bodyguards?!" * *sigh* * "Right, back in the days of the Horus Heresy-" "Who's Horus?" *"THRONE DAMN IT ALL!"*

[@ferrox8421]

"Okay explain to me again how nobody expected someone named Horus Heresy to rebell against the imperium"

[@Kreschavier]

​​​@@ferrox8421*muffled noise that sounds vaguely like a hyena getting mauled by 50 cats in a plywood box*

[@dersuddeutschesumpf5444]

That would be like a knight of the round table showing up and explaining that the tales about king Arthur were historical fact

[@sahilrahman5066]

@@ferrox8421 Hehehe oh god I don't know why your comments so silly but funny at the same time

[@nischal711]

​@@ferrox8421 horus lupercal is his name

[@zanthimos]

You don't have to imagine anything. This is EXACTLY how it went with every chapter in Imperium Nihilus.

[@Shitbird3249]

Hi there we’re here to Forcibly inform you about your gene seeds extended warrant.

[@iharpo9292]

In the book spears of the emperor it seems the spears and lions didnt get any new marines, just the ability to build more. Basically it seems they got a custodian ship that went "HEY HERES HOW TO MAKE THEM OKAY BYE"

[@NuclearFridge1]

"Huh? WTF just happened?"

[@aldiascholarofthefirstsin1051]

@@iharpo9292 Which is even funnier.

[@sahilrahman5066]

@@aldiascholarofthefirstsin1051 yeah it much funnier lmfao

[@ericthered2963]

Marine Chapter XY: *only has 1 Marine left, after suffering almost total defeat in their last battle* Custodian: "I give you reinforcement in regards to your current chapter strength.... So say Hi to Bob"

[@unintentionally_edgy5867]

For those we cherish, we die in glory.

[@DaBlueIghuana]

That last marine alive must be one hell of guy, he fucking survived where every single other person from his entire chapter died. Must be an mc of a book, or an ultramarine, but their chapter would never do something like that in lore, too much plot armor on each of them

[@ericthered2963]

@@DaBlueIghuana Or maybe he was the only Marine too wounded to fight and got left on their home planet. That would induce mindbogglingly imposter and or survivor syndrome.

[@DaBlueIghuana]

@@ericthered2963 ooooooof

[@thisgoddamusernamestoodamnlong]

@@ericthered2963 well, he's a Deathwatch Dreadnaut

[@bgcvetan]

Still better explanation than Perturabo, Lorgar or Curze ever gave to their sons.

[@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus]

To be fair that’s a REALLY low bar, maybe angron is a worse father but otherwise yea

[@wikipediaintellectual7088]

Explanation for what? I think they explained how to be assholes very well.

[@henrypaleveda7760]

Perturabo if he had communication skills is a loyal Perturabo.

[@bgcvetan]

@@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus Angron is very much a high bar, imho - it's MAIM KILL BURN, MAIM KILL BURN with him all day every day.

[@RomanvonUngernSternbergnrmfvus]

@@bgcvetan remember how Peter turbo wiped out one in 10 of his guys the first time he met them? Angron did that to his EVERY TIME his sons didn’t take a world in 36 hours. Which was how long a day and night cycle was on his home world.

[@jacoblanders3484]

From the title, I just imagined a spacemarine pick up an astropath and begin speaking through him like a cell phone.

[@jesseberg3271]

In the lore, Astropaths have to sleep/go into a trance and then interpret their dreams to access messages. That particular bit of lore gets thrown out the airlock any time it's convenient, however. So basically, you can just assume that Astropaths work however you want them to work.

[@vid101.]

​@@jesseberg3271I imagine astropaths just sit down close their eyes and start making dial up noises untill they can establish a conection between each other

[@ProjectEkerTest33]

Gotta wonder how many of them didn't even remember what the fuck a Custodes was. I mean they haven't left Terra in fucking years. Bound to be some of the more isolated Chapters who don't remember

[@angrydragonslayer]

I mean, it's a custodes Does it really matter if you remember or not?

[@augmenautus]

I guess they just think they are giant golden space Marines.

[@VA_Nightshade]

For the most part, the isolated chapters are more zealous though, so they might think them more myth that reality. So, less remembering, more beleiveing.

[@alvarorubiodomech8327]

They would appear in the imperial propaganda, the normals soldiers carry

[@AnchorJG]

It's a space marine that's bigger and better than you in every conceivable way, and they're in Golden armor. There's got to be a reflex or instinct hard wired into the Geneseed to do what they tell you.

[@phantomwraith1984]

The way the Bucephalus just drops them off like an offloading dump truck just sells this xD

[@SillyPC]

Not to mention all the space marine phrases from dawn of war. "Defending Objective!" "Marine Squad Deployed" "BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE!"

[@LordInquisitor701]

Well custodians do view space marine as leftover garbage from the great crusade

[@Sigma-gb9yd]

MARINE SQUAD DEPLOYED

[@Prenz01]

the distant "brother i am pinned here" is the best

[@PeteCrutchfield]

I had to watch it 3 times to see hear that

[@rexlumontad5644]

Iron Hands are gonna mutilate their Primaris Space Marine reinforcements to reject the Flesh and accept the machinery replacements.

[@TheArklyte]

AdMech should really send a few Magos Biologis to show Iron Hands what a human body can do... and a few remaining believers in Imperial Truth to tell them about human spirit and what a single MORTAL man was able to achieve.

[@vitaliyred622]

@@TheArklytegod damm are you Ferrus himself? You are way to based to be IH player.

[@bgcvetan]

IH moved away from that Mechanicus enforced practice.

[@riverraven7359]

you assume belisarius didnt do it first?

[@theenderdestruction2362]

​@@TheArklytethat man they are telling about better be Ollanius MOTHERFUCKING pious

[@Rexini_Kobalt]

"brother i am pinned here" i literally spat everywhere laughing my ass off like some sort of chaos worshiper

[@inductivegrunt94]

That's pretty much how I imagined it went down for over 70-80% of all chapters out there.

[@luckybrass8457]

The Space Sharks have it worse: They have no planet to suddenly get things dumped on, their first notice is something suddenly filling the holds of their strike cruisers and battle barges XD And they're in the middle of the dark void on the outer edges of the Imperium. "Where the fuck did these come from!?"

[@dersuddeutschesumpf5444]

​@@luckybrass8457 They definitely got randomly hit with boarding torpedoes full of reinforcements

[@thisgoddamusernamestoodamnlong]

I think there was a story where a bunch of black templars freaked out because they thought the primaris were infiltrators from chaos and nearly, or ACTUALLY killed the custodes escorting them. They fucked up big time on that one.

[@srdodojedi3749]

​@@thisgoddamusernamestoodamnlongit was one of the fleets of the black templars in where a chaplain recieved Primaris Reinforcements but he saw them as heresy because the emperor didnt made them so he killed all the primaris and the custodian guard, but the custodian guard took down most of the black templars and 2 whole ships too

[@thisgoddamusernamestoodamnlong]

@@srdodojedi3749 does that make those guys heretics now? That's kinda like killing an angel

[@johndunn1625]

I've got a homebrew chapter that was doing stuff out in the Ghoul Stars during a narrative campaign my lgs had during 6th and the beginning of 7th, and i ended up taking a really big break halfway through 7th and missed the first 6 months or so of 8e, so i imagine their chapter master, when they finally made it back to imperial space went something like "Why is the galaxy cut in half?" "What the hell are all these tall chucklefucks doing running around?" "What are Primaris?" "Oh shit, Guilliman woke up? Since when!?"

[@ThatRatBastard]

Honestly sounds like a cool idea for a story

[@arctrooper9403]

Nice

[@kazmark_gl8652]

I'm so sorry your chapter was lost in the warp for the most eventful couple decades of imperial history in a long while.

[@theenderdestruction2362]

I had a guard regiment be basically this but they were in another necron tomb world that got swallowed by the warp and their basically all half necron now and their confused as all shit and are scaring everyone pretty much

[@juliet_angeldust]

"I give you your chapter's total current strength in reinforcements" And by that he means himself and his ship.

[@benjaminstorace6699]

Considering the short story about the Custodians giving the primaris geneseed to the Blood Ravens, This is 100% accurate.

[@robertnelson9599]

No wonder some of them tried to refuse the Primaris.

[@maxmazza2987]

"Don't fuck up" is the general vibe the Custodes have towards Marines, honestly

[@SuperMurxus]

To be honest "Don't fuck up" is their general approach to anyone. Not that they expect anyone to not fuck up except other Custodes tho.

[@mastadonking3816]

I completely missed the giant astartes pile outside the window in the first viewing.

[@dragnusu4411]

I love how Igloo coolers are still around ~38K years later!!!🤣🤣🤣

[@erikastockunaite5192]

Where tho?

[@dragnusu4411]

​​​@@erikastockunaite51920:24 he is carrying it when he enters

[@jesseberg3271]

Those and duct tape. The STC systems couldn't improve upon what was already perfect.

[@oscarainekeane]

Brother, I am pinned here!

[@marsar1775]

​@@jesseberg3271if b52s fit the 40k aesthetic you *know* that theyd still be in the setting too

[@michalaubrecht1512]

Everyone: talks about comic Me: RETURN OF THE KING

[@macshadow1150]

Alfabusa?

[@darkdarklighting]

You should have done it with the Carcharodons. Just think what if Tyberos popping up in front of a Custode.

[@blizzardgaming7070]

What if The Red Wake became a primaris, just think how big he'd be.

[@Carl-wd5yt]

@@blizzardgaming7070 He’s gonna be like 15 feet tall.

[@kalebb1226]

​@@Carl-wd5yt imperial big boy bio knight

[@bloodangel19]

Custodian: oh you guys already have primaris

[@steffanyschwartz7801]

@@blizzardgaming7070He’s going to be as tall as a Warhound Titan.

[@AlexEvans-od4ir]

I bet this went down with the raptors was the custodes just dropping the reinforcements into the middle of a random jungle and throwing the means at a bush that was also the raptor chapter master.

[@edwardbrown3721]

Custodian brother Gigachadius pulls up, dumps primaris into fortress monastery, yells GIFT FROM BIG E and leaves

[@The_Sigillite]

"Oh my Emperor... we've been saying the Primarch's name wrong for centuries!"

[@kyodarkness9243]

Alpha Legion shenanigans spotted! Botton right of the screen 0:33

[@ramagdehz9400]

This is 100% canon.

[@PrimarisBlackTemplaDraven]

Even the door servitor skull is shocked.

[@mrgreen6980]

"Fuck your IFF and fuck your door."

[@felipeboero2532]

i just noticed the alerts for sector unrest kept increasing with each new panel, but i don´t know if it´s due to enemy action or the custodes doing this shit in the area.

[@rngmade6050]

0:33 Look in the bottom right corner you’ll see something sneaky that is in each comic

[@Onua118]

@@rngmade6050 You need to get your lenses checked, Brother. There was nothing “sneaky” going on. That was simply our new Neophyte Alpharius scrubbing the floors again.

[@christopherg2347]

Remember - don't punch a Gift horse in the mouth!

[@thecollector5031]

i hear that never frozen bottom flows 👁 scratch is a cultured lad

[@the_parasites]

PM fans have been summoned.

[@Jazkal-V420]

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-" Some marine after seeing a pile of primarus marines outside the base

[@cr90captain89]

black templars & dark angels be like: we don't need heresy on the emperor's work/ we don't want the eyes of gulliman *both proceed to slaughter/ torture the primaris*

[@anthonymolina2979]

New head cannon

[@jexerkyleadefuin2729]

"Brother! I'm pinned here!" is a reflex response? Huh... the more you know.

[@logangrimnar3800]

I don't know what's better, the "I'm watching you" hand gesture, or the Walmart cooler full of gene-seed.

[@samueltrusik3251]

That went better than I expected.

[@KillerOrca]

The Dawn of War lines exactly as they were written...so good

[@jamesneese7663]

This sums up communication for the entire Imperiums history

[@bohemianearspoon8493]

This is definitely how the space sharks got their primaris

[@Cadriul]

i mean as a Custode i don't think theres a (loyalist) space marine chapter out there that would question their word.

[@wernerwernerowy8761]

Black Templars kils Custodes

[@LordEmperorBoss]

Damn that custodian was salty.

[@seekingabsolution1907]

He's talking as fast as he can so no one asks him his name.

[@jayglier]

What the Custodian went from the cushiest of cushy staff assignment, was told to wrangle 500 or more primaris Space Marines for a chapter that is known to be difficult to deal with and sent to try and meet up with said chapter with only the vaguest of directions. It kind of equates to a random Colonel ordering the Command Sergeant Major of the Marine Corp to personally deliver donuts to some random 2nd Lieutenant in the ass end of nowhere. The Custodian has a right to be salty

[@dersuddeutschesumpf5444]

Custodians generally dislike space marines since all of them remember the heresy and how over half of all space marines turned

[@crichtonvasmoya4290]

Thats actually canonical for a few of them

[@erikastockunaite5192]

Source?

[@macshadow1150]

@@erikastockunaite5192 Well, Blood Ravens had more or less exactly such encounter with Custodian and introduction of the Primaris

[@AAhmou]

@@erikastockunaite5192 The Emperor's Spears.

[@tarektechmarine8209]

At this point, any headcanon is better than actual canon at this point.

[@Manuelomar2001]

@@tarektechmarine8209 whatever. You talk as if the 40k lore weren't always completely silly. It always has been.

[@Al-Is-Gaming]

Now I want to create a space marine Chapter that is constantly outside of imperial contact

[@tarektechmarine8209]

Black templars. Raven guard/Raptors/white scars. These generally never communicate with the imperium or are far enough into enemy lines that they both don't need to due to how they fight or can't because that would give them away.

[@RedHand17]

Yep this is exactly how it happened to the blood ravens when the custodies showed up

[@Vindrael]

custodes, doing emperor's diplomatic work since their birth

[@adamk3017]

yeah i will also bamboozled if suddenly a massive banana men suddenly threw me a bunch of geneseed, guns , new recruit, and tell me not to f up

[@tarektechmarine8209]

Also the part were no one but cawl did everything.

[@MrMacavity]

Gives a new meaning to "PILE ON!" for sure, looking at that massive group in the BG

[@beest-does-youtube]

"unknown craft detected requesting iff key..... iff code "fck your iffs" received. All security systems remotely disengaged"

[@frostbyte2384]

I think (aside from the game Freeblade) this was the first bit of Warhammer 40K stuff that I have ever seen. First time I had absolutely no context and now I finally understand this. Feels like coming back to the fist mission after you master a game. Only to then realize this was just the first world of said game and you still have a LOT to learn.

[@standhaftgarithos3832]

HAHAH OMG the "brother I am pinned here!" and stuff in the background just takes it to the next level.

[@edwardbryan9501]

Wait a minute... how did the Deathwatch get their Primaris? There are thousands of Deathwatch Watch Masters. Did they get thousands of times more Primaris than everyone else?

[@OljeiKhan]

Primaris lore stops making sense when you try reading in to it like that. It boils down to "ITS FOR THE TABLETOP" and "YOU'RE TAKING IT TOO SRSLY THEY'RE TOY SOLDIERS LMAO"

[@andreasmuller4666]

The death watch is not a chapter though. They draw from all chapters as recruits. They would get primaris evnetualy from the regular chapters.

[@MrRawrCEO]

@@OljeiKhan I mean...the vast majority of Warhammer Lore (fantasy and 40k) is like that if we're being honest.

[@xXFuzzeeXx]

Deathwatch recruits veterans from existing chapters. They wouldn't take fresh Primaris bc they'd literally die immediately in the shit the Deathwatch gets up to, lmao. Maybe after a few hundred years, they'll start taking them.

[@OljeiKhan]

@@MrRawrCEO and i refuse to go along with bad writing. Not everything has to be completely perfectly making sense but in-universe consistency is pretty important for immersion. And i'm BIG on immersion 😁

[@LargeBlueCircle]

the IM WATCHING YOU AT THE END! LOL

[@HispAnakin42]

You’ve already made this. What the heck?!

[@renatoafonsomaiacarneiro950]

The same energy as "THAFUDGE?!"

[@saipranavpalla1467]

The custodian must be angry that 5 of his brethren died protecting the primaris gene tech

[@objectsupr9970]

Lobo corp music? Curveball.

[@blastchambers2150]

Ahhh yes the best way to transport geneseed. In a sports cooler you can easily yeet at the recipients head.

[@Yacovo]

Thanks for the video

[@tomjordan7606]

Shout out to the marine who ate an industrial cooler box to the face at mach 2.

[@masaruten]

I can't tell which is funnier, the idea that the marine who says 'brother I am pinned here' is the one who got bodied by the geneseed cooler or the poor sod they just dumped an entire astartes chapter of primaris on top of. 😂

[@itsonlyafleshwound9024]

That little "brother i am pinned here" was just *chefs kiss

[@phylippezimmermannpaquin2062]

Im so glad you stopped reading the intro text slowly. This is so mich better

[@ninja6245-real]

The music in the background… I know it… Oh please don’t make me deal with Queen of hatred… By the Emperor! DO NOT MAKE ME DEAL WITH QUEEN OF HATRED!

[@Tarik360]

Love the dawn of war lines in the background.

[@Lorgar64]

Lovely Legions theme in the background.

[@the_parasites]

I recognise that Lobotomy Corp. music.

[@jakubreliga2549]

Love that silent BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE

[@brll5733]

Those smol Primaris call outs are so cute :3

[@dradesgaming3565]

So each chapter gets their total current strength matched by Primaris marines? Do the lamenters just get ~50 new marines then?

[@ralach]

"Brother! I am pinned here!" >

[@accessdenied5998]

i'm pretty sure it's brother i am hit

[@ralach]

@@accessdenied5998 it's both (and if you listen closely both are used at different times in the video)

[@accessdenied5998]

@@ralach Naaah SCHIZO I heard Brother I am hit

[@SurnameName]

black templars: proceed to immediately fuck up big time

[@andreasmuller4666]

It´s alive. Got lost in the warp brother?

[@aethertech]

wait a moment... BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE!

[@macshadow1150]

BRUVA LIVES! STOMP STOMP!!!

[@harraldschmitt9113]

the title is genius

[@centurionx6195]

The "BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE" in the back is to funny XD

[@CyberController-]

Someone gonna help Diomedes up?

[@Ballagorn_Ironblood]

Belive or not, that actually happen in a nutshell for some chapters

[@ensemble3647]

Ayy, is that "never frozen, bottom flows" I hear in the background?

[@the_parasites]

LC brainrot activated

[@ensemble3647]

@@the_parasites that implies that it's ever inactive.

[@tut28Angel]

If a tall ass golden banana told me anything I would believe them.

[@KingLich451]

i dont think theyre even capable of humor

[@alexbrewster864]

I mean when a custodian tells you to buck up or suck up what are you gonna do?

[@redspyke8227]

That was good. 10/10

[@Daktangle]

Except for the Black Templars, who killed their 1st wave of reinforcements and the Custodian sent with them.

[@mainmanstan7405]

The funny part is thats how it happened in canon, more or less.

[@codename1176]

This is exactly how it would go down in TTS

[@toddkes5890]

The other fun detail was all the messages that kept popping up on the screen next to the door

[@user-eo1oc1kc4x]

Definitely Dragon Lords chapter moment

[@moore2077]

Sorry. Too busy hearing "BROTHER I AM PINNED HERE" over the voxnet lmao

[@falsehero2001]

They got Wamudes to wear armor.

[@sherrowkynarcturus5639]

Thats exactly how it went in a Blood Raven book xD

[@maxguercia]

they did that with the blood ravens. no joke, its canon

[@toastythebarbarian798]

Did he just throw a 3D Printer ???

[@Tjorvia]

This is how it happened. I was there.

[@t40xd]

Is the background music from Lobotomy Corporation?

[@studentofthedagda]

Speech 100.

[@Felix2142]

That background music. I’ve heard it before but I can’t remember where.

[@the_parasites]

Lobotomy Corporation.

[@onlyxenolord7494]

Speech 100

[@profess0rop]

"Brother I am pinned here!"

[@beyondfubar]

BROTHER I AM HIT

[@thezman9001]

Just wait till they alert everyone about the lion...

[@DarthX4]

nah box only have a letter saying tau are furries too because why should kitten be the only one having fun