How a Murder Case Brought Domestic Violence to Light | The New Yorker

[@mariehannan-mandel6740]

Why is it the victim’s responsibility not to allow abuse and never the abuser’s responsibility to not abuse???

[@jeaniehorton5964]

Amen!

[@lu.ciel8770]

Exactly

[@Safia-DM]

Exactly!

[@thewordsmith5440]

To add to this. Abuser literally will follow the victim when they leave.

[@pygmymouselemurbutt]

LOUDER FOR THE FOLKS IN THE BACK

[@JudithRandall-vz1zk]

It takes MONEY to relocate with several young kids. Where would she have gotten money? Her husband never gave her any and she didn't have access to a bank acct. Your "solution" is an insult.

[@reuvenknight1575]

Yeah, and there are so few shelters with so few beds! People like to point out they exist but they never consider for a second that they may be full or unable to help.

[@crowdogfull]

Amen!! Watching these cops acting like they know what it's like to be a woman is taking years off my life

[@MCan-hh2zm]

Yup, and women couldn’t get a credit card unless cosigned by their husband or parents. This means the husband could cancel it at any time.

[@meganfaith4052]

She had four kids! Only 3 years before the crime took place could women even apply for credit cards in her own name. What was she supposed to do? Just run up a tab until they got thrown out on the street?

[@nujeru99]

Prosecutors like him are such scum. For him to pretend that she could pack up 4 kids and just disappear...is indeed a F'ing INSULT to anyone who's been through domestic abuse

[@sunnysmiles8211]

The real truth of this is that men’s lives have been valued more than women’s lives for as long as we can remember and that’s why nothing has been done for so long.

[@selah71]

This is going to dramatically change. Women have been suppressed and abused due to the patriarchal system and is slowly but surely changing to a matriarchal system. ✨✌️✨

[@ThinWhiteAxe]

...Men are the first to get drafted and their lives thrown away during war. Men do the vast majority of dirty and dangerous jobs. Men's mental health or claims of abuse are often ignored or laughed at. I'm not saying women don't have problems too, but to say that men are valued more is absurd.

[@annnee6818]

Yup

[@StubbyandShifu]

​@@selah71 I wish it would change in the USA. Women are losing rights here.

[@selah71]

@@SLD-bz9so Agree. The matriarchal system brings balance and equality for everyone unlike the patriarchal system.

[@sherryjohnson2654]

Nearly 50 years since the Francine Hughes case and women are still being blamed for the abuse they suffer. Our society continues to fail them and turn a blind eye to the true criminals.

[@carolnicolas5792]

Yup...men say "choose better"...instead of "stop beating women"

[@ReemTahir]

Because many (not all) of the cops, lawyers, judges, and prosecutors are all part of the same boys club… even the women in those roles

[@iz6566]

It is patriarchy and hatred of women, that’s all

[@dreamsrmadeof]

and many of those blind eyes are other women.

[@bigoudi07]

​@@dreamsrmadeof Yeah but mostly, they're men.

[@MsFunnybags]

The most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence is WHEN SHE LEAVES.

[@nspector]

Yeah. People really do not get this. Even now, even now that it's been said and proven and said and said for YEARS.

[@morganstarchild5359]

Exactly it's true! Been there unfortunately

[@maryxm1]

@@morganstarchild5359 me too...turned our children against me...Pure evil

[@janejones7638]

Especiallty because many abuse victims don't have money to leave. I mean really leave. If you're still in the community and your children are still going to school, you aren't really gone. You're easy to find. I'm not sure what can be done because many women are found through their children.

[@CornbreadOracle]

Had an incident here recently way out in the wooded mountains of Tennessee. Woman trying to leave her man. Comes out here to stay with a relative to try to get away. He tracked her down. He showed up and go violent. She had to shoot him. He died.

[@marrs_bars]

11:55 "the problem of battered wives" Let's go ahead and reframe that to the more accurate statement of: "the problem of abusive husbands" okay thanks ✨

[@birgip.m.1236]

💯%

[@popeyefreeze2541]

I mean it kinda means the same thing no?

[@lilytheflower-4004]

@@popeyefreeze2541the first one says the abused women are the problem, the second one says the men who abuse are the problem. Which one do you think is more accurate

[@popeyefreeze2541]

@ they’re both the same thing

[@kathleendavenport4988]

It took me almost 12 years to leave my 2nd ex-husband even after he put a gun to my head. I did leave him once before and he found me and beat me worse. I had a restraining order and the cops never arrested him for violating it. After almost 12 years I ran 800 miles away and went into hiding. They think it is so easy to just leave but it isn't.

[@trailertrish]

Marcia Baxter omg!

[@margaretowuadey]

@kathleen davenport I'm SO PROUD of you for leaving. It is the hardest thing to do. But you did it. God bless you, x.

[@babytaz4u21963]

Thank god you are safe. Hugs!!!

[@susansage1876]

Good for you and I wish you peace and love.

[@LisAbe]

Wishing you peace, health, wealth and joy. Take care. X

[@omeemodesigns215]

"She could have escaped.".... Some women do, only to get stalked and killed.

[@blackberry731-q7h]

Exactly😩

[@novaluxurious]

This!!! My Uncle's Ex Wife was murdered by her boyfriend after breaking up with him.

[@stacycamacho59]

Yes.

[@Eveonthehill]

Been there, done that. My ex-rays make radiologists look at me sad. I'm glad she made it out.

[@Eveonthehill]

@@novaluxurious I'm so sorry.

[@leanderrowe2800]

If I am constantly beaten up by my husband, walking and talking on egg shells, I would be driven to insanity too. Because of her, the children could live and told the story of their monster father.

[@teijaflink2226]

You living in constant mental and physical stress, it's like living in war, how are you able think clearly in a situation like that. Like make plans to leave or not just one day snap.

[@Lilith-bw9pq]

My mom, me and my siblings have been there. My dad is a psychopath.

[@robinshaw4572]

This is why jury nullification should be taught quietly to our growing children, along with empathy.

[@mydyisgod]

@@teijaflink2226, if it were totally possible, I’m sure this lady would have. Watch the movie “The Burning Bed.” If you’ve never been in that environment, it’s easy to say “just leave” but much harder to do. Be blessed

[@tonyarodriguez2098]

AMEN

[@imthatreader8950]

“She could have taken the kids and left.” That would’ve worked for five minutes until someone reported her as a kidnapper

[@jacquelineandrews1464]

Imagine if he killed her he would have done it to the children ..... most men in these situations also sexually abuse their children.. its sometimes no way out but by defending yourself and children

[@luckyduckydaisyflower2344]

Yep

[@amityislandchum]

He would have murdered her, and probably the kids, too.

[@Kayla-rd5jd]

the amount of women and sometimes children who have lost their lives for leaving their abuser should be proof enough but it never is. people who say that just don’t care

[@brianfreer4942]

Ppl who have kids together have rights to the kids as much as the other...found that at the time I left my ex-wife. You can take the kids and go as far as you want.

[@missprettyhyna]

“She burned him for punishment” ???? Noooo she killed him so he wouldnt come back find her and continue the torture ugh

[@katperson1955]

Contrast her case with Tracy Thurman, who DID leave, them was tracked down, beaten and stabbed while the police stood there and did NOTHING! They had a perfect opportunity to rid the world of a monster and all they did was watch as he almost killed his wife.

[@karentucker2161]

Yep

[@missprettyhyna]

@Steph Daigle thank you !!!

[@JW-uy2on]

Such a male analysis. Women aren't obsessed with revenge/punishment like men.

[@DiaryOfALesbianGamer]

Yes!

[@marianharris441]

She could just leave.........that's such a masculine point of view. In the 70's she couldn't even have her own checking account.

[@Metonymy1979]

If he hit a stranger or strangers like he hit his wife he would have been in jail for decades.

[@annaj5095]

Facts!

[@gaden74]

💯

[@douglasgriffiths3534]

That's why DV needs to be treated like the assault and battery it is, regardless if it's your spouse or not. It should not be considered a "family matter". That kind of thinking is stupid. (Jan Griffiths).

[@CHOICEBETWEENFEARANDLOVE]

😢

[@AnnaLVajda]

No they usually treat strangers great you can ask their coworkers about them they might say he's a great guy that's so if the woman reports it they are not believed or are accused of exaggerating etc. Cops have high instances of domestic violence too so they enable their own kind. So long as it is behind closed doors out of sight out of mind? Somehow women are portrayed as "privledged" in society too told not to complain and be grateful about their miserable existences. Some abusers do not even act like that till the kids are born either but somehow she should have known better before getting involved it's her own fault etc.

[@Patricia-cn7ox]

“She could have escaped” LOL. That guy STILL doesn’t understand trauma and abuse.

[@franciscoinc2658]

So much has changed and so much hasn't...and this is what he represents. He still doesn't get it.

[@lillyess385]

He would have hunted her down and murdered her and the kids.

[@user-od8eq8bd1g]

​@@lillyess385 He wouldn't even have needed to hunt her down. It's very unlikely that she had the means to go anywhere else than to her friends or family. He probably had control over the family's finances so she couldn't even try and start a new life without him, if she tried to divorce him it's likely they would share custody of the children meaning they would be in danger all the time and she wouldn't be there to protect them. So really, she couldn't realistically leave him without putting her children and herself in an even more dangerous situation than when they lived together. And that is still true today, for many women the only way to actually be safe is if the man dies because the legal system won't protect her or their children.

[@jitaamesuluma9730]

well i do and i never set my husband alight , i finally lost it and beat him up , yes , but never killed him and that man was abusive in every way to me , every way , to have killed him in such an horrific way , i would understand stabbing him or shooting but to set him alight , even i say that was NOT OK , THAT WAS MURDER , she did not do it while he was beating her , it was thought about , she did it on purpose , what is ok ? based on fear for your life ? its not ok to wait till he is asleep and burn him alive , even if she was still scared she could have shot him , it at least is a clean quick death

[@user-od8eq8bd1g]

chanel kim exactly, and what about the children? They can’t go to school on the run, they’re not safe on the streets or in a homeless shelter.

[@insatiableivy]

So “he should have stopped beating her” wasn’t an option? Instead it’s “she should have left” SUCH BS

[@kyliepechler]

The fact it she did try to leave a few times, but he found her, and his relatives helped him find her.

[@katperson1955]

@@kyliepechler His family was just as horrible as he was.

[@disgruntledmum4916]

Just boys being boys

[@kathleendobens6648]

Your out of the loop. You have to be in their situations. We also have no power over our lives. B............e

[@insatiableivy]

@@kathleendobens6648 are you saying g he had no self control?? That’s obvious

[@sheepaboss9655]

No she didn't want revenge she wanted to feel safe.

[@sheepaboss9655]

@Corno di Bassetto I wouldn't wanna leave my husband in fear of him following me and stalking me trying to kill me so If I had too I would kill him since back then the police wouldn't help

[@sheepaboss9655]

@Corno di Bassetto if a man needs to do the same thing then so be it but now times are different so I don't think that extreme of measures need to be taken people actually listen now

[@12thDecember]

You nailed it. The only way she would ever feel safe is with him 6 feet under.

[@alisonbarratt3772]

My husband is lucky i did not do that to him

[@hennylo68]

@@sheepaboss9655 So the only way to feel safe is to murder the guy? So murder should be legal now is what you're saying.

[@fortniteguy6490]

These abused women should not go to prison for protecting herself and the children.

[@erinleslie5233]

I read this as 'these women should go to jail for not protecting themselves and their kids' excuse me while I calm down lol

[@maxineheadroom]

FORTNITE GUY HAS SPOKEN.

[@brandyyolidio4213]

It is self defense, he was killing her

[@caelidhg6261]

especially if in self defense.. which the latter woman obviously was doing. If Someone was strangling me and I reached a knife I wouldn't hesitate to stab..

[@genri.a9128]

They should

[@lefish5277]

“You can just leave” this is why men need to stop talking

[@mavssami41]

Nah men need to talk more

[@MissEdie1973]

If it was so easy to "Just leave.", then why do so many women get unalived AFTER doing so ?! How about telling abusers to "Just stop!!" !!!

[@Ketowski]

@@mavssami41 Most talk a lot about things the6 know little about.

[@mavssami41]

@@Ketowski 🪞

[@Ketowski]

@@mavssami41 Yes, I am. You’re welcome.

[@misshisokapaints109]

The system failed? He was comitting crimes against her for years and years infront of their children. He told her in front of the cops that he would kill her. If she had left and not set that house on fire, that man could have killed her and those children. In my country a man killed himself, his kids and his wife. By the time all that had happened, all people are saying is "RIP" and "thoughts and prayers". They're all dead now! It disgusts me that that man can just sit there and say "she could have just left"

[@aprilmay1061]

@Dia Key That movie was made about this story. It starred Farrah Faucet as the wife.

[@Missditabomb]

@Dia Key So glad you all got away!!

[@Missditabomb]

@Dia Key You're welcome. I hope your life is a happy one.

[@laddmm1]

Take the law into her own hands? The law abandoned her!

[@Confessions089]

Exactly and how did they not arrest him for threats?

[@victoriaabbey3525]

We watched the movie in class. So intense. She did leave. Multiple times. Everyone around her enabled him and blamed her. She had no real help. She had to or she would have died.

[@ca2082]

I remember seeing the movie when I was a kid, IDK how my parents allowed me...but I was up watching it with them. I remember I covered my eyes when he would abuse her. I had nightmares, I was scared that men could treat women like that b/c my dad was the opposite. My mom explained that if someone loves you that don't do those things. She said not all men are like that but that you have to know that no one deserves to be hurt like that...unless it's a life or death situation then it's different. Man, lol, my mom didn't hold back....but if I could sense the fear just by watching it on TV I could never imagine how desperate she must have felt being IN the relationship and alone.

[@annaj5095]

We did too. In our adult living class in 12th grade.

[@Katee586]

Victoria Abbey, they actually had you watch the movie in class? I remember watching it back when it first aired, and I just couldn't stand the violence. I had to get up and walk away. And it's not like I never saw women get beaten, but to watch nobody help this poor lady, and thinking about ALL of the other women out there who deal with this type of violence just breaks my heart.

[@victoriaabbey3525]

@@Katee586 It was a college class. We had a section on domestic violence. We watched the burning bed and talked about the real case the Netflix series unbelievable is based on.

[@Katee586]

@@victoriaabbey3525 - What is the Netflix series called, Victoria? And people, PLEASE, for the love of God, if your man is jealous, you might think it's 'cute,' but it won't be if you stay with that person. If you don't believe me, watch, Life With Billy. That true story was even worse than The Burning Bed. If a man, (or woman) EVER lays a hand on you, RUN, AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!

[@sarchalto]

The late actress Farrah Fawcet's stellar performance in the 1984 made for TV movie The Burning Bed has stayed with me for these 40 years. She brought to life the horrors many of us endure and few escape. A magnificent actress!!!

[@pamelaharris8480]

I agree. I have never forgotten it!

[@Carly_Jay]

Farrah Fawcet was battered in real life.

[@birgip.m.1236]

​@@Carly_JaySad.

[@mydyisgod]

Great movie and I too remember it very well.

[@karenscales5077]

I absolutely remember. Back then, that movie was an eye opener. Even for a teenager like myself.

[@kathyreinholdt828]

So many questions why didn’t she leave. Instead, ask why didn’t he stop beating her. He never stopped, nobody stopped him…until she stopped him. She did the job that should have been done by police, the courts, a society that values patriarchy.

[@andreamarshall911]

I just love how the prosecutor says she's not allowed to take the law in her own hands, ignoring the fact that the husband took the law in his own hands to inflict his punishment that was also against the law. So he's allowed to beat her (police often won't make an arrest, especially back then, but the court will allow eye witness testimony in court and accept that as evidence wtf), but she's not allowed to stop it? I'm glad at least the jury in this case saw reason.

[@MsJoyce31202]

@@andreamarshall911 👍

[@Seevawonderloaf]

Excellent argument. He never stopped until she stopped him! The first woman's husband said "I will kill you when they leave" WHILE the police where there

[@kathrynshields8221]

Not easy to leave........no support, no Money,children to care for.....no job, Perhaps no education.Fear instilled by the perpetrator.

[@Star-dj1kw]

EXCELLENT POINT

[@rocklesson86]

Did this guy really say she should have left. Clearly the guy has no idea what abuse is really like.

[@crystald8465]

He said it on camera with a straight face. He still doesn't get it.

[@Bronwyn-cf3um]

And if she didn’t have anything, how was she supposed to “just disappear?” It takes money to just disappear. He doesn’t get it and he’s not trying to.

[@TheTonialadd]

Yep! They use the stupid excuse that “she should have gotten a restraining order against him...” I heard a guy in AA tell the group that when he was served with the restraining order he thought that meant that she really loved him... and people laughed. 🤬! This is why we need to lift up each other! The patriarchal society needs to go away.

[@TheTuellfamily]

But she went back to the man, so did she deserve to get beat?!?!? His reasoning is so off.

[@rocklesson86]

@@crystald8465 he needs to have several more seats.

[@llamaface6229]

My ex hired a private investigator to find me. Not so easy to just leave.

[@alwaysniccole3810]

That’s so crazy. My ex did the same. Not that I was in a DV relationship but he began stalking me.

[@FundingAnimals]

I hope you are safe now. 😢❤

[@Shadow1Yaz]

You two as well?! Dang

[@blessedbrebre]

Yup. Me too

[@Ketowski]

@@alwaysniccole3810 Sorry to hear that. I hope that it’s not still happening to you.

[@codacreator6162]

“Because, traditionally, wife-beating has been considered a family affair.” Chilling and so tragic. It’s heartbreaking. One of my earliest memories is of my dad slapping my mom across the face. I would have been around two-years-old. He wasn’t a wife-beater on level with these guys, nor did the episode repeat - to my knowledge - but it is telling what kind of lasting damage domestic violence can leave behind it.

[@harrynac6017]

Yep, and people saying "he would never abuse his kid" doesn't understand that violence against a mom is traumatic for her kid aswell.

[@edelweiss8168]

I always tell women, "If he hit you once, he'll do it again."

[@sambur6480]

If he hit her once he is a DA. He not only would abuse her physically, but emotional as well.

[@lunix3259]

My dad till this day thinks his child beating strategy made his children what they are today and that everybody does it. I am disgusted to have a father like this. Now whenever I see someone forcing things onto women, I would be able to catch early on and call out on it no matter how uncomfortable it is to do so because no one stood up to my dad fearing for their safety, including my mom

[@SoulsJourney]

"She could have just left." God, the continuing willful ignorance is astounding and will get more women killed.

[@bethclark9319]

Easier said than done. The dominating spouse or partner spends years belittling their partner or spouse making that person can't do anything without the abuser in is not willful ignorance. When battered woman syndrome (BWS) manifests as PTSD, it consists of the following symptoms: (a) re-experiencing the battering as if it were recurring even when it is not, (b) attempts to avoid the psychological impact of battering by avoiding activities, people, and emotions, (c) hyperarousal or hypervigilance, (d) disrupted interpersonal relationships, (e) body image distortion or other somatic concerns, and (f) sexuality and intimacy issues. Additionally, repeated cycles of violence and reconciliation can result in the following beliefs and attitudes: The abused thinks that the violence was their fault. The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for the violence elsewhere. The abused fears for their life, and/or, the lives of loved ones whom the abuser might or has threatened to harm (e.g., children-in-common, close relatives, or friends). The abused has an irrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient.

[@SoulsJourney]

@@bethclark9319 Yes, I understand all that. Apparently that one guy (whose name escapes me and I don't have time to re-watch the vid) is the one I was saying was being willfully ignorant about those issues.

[@bethclark9319]

@@SoulsJourney I'm sorry. I was agreeing with your statement. I forgot to add agree. I am not a troll who finds fault with peoples statement.

[@WhatAWonderfulNameItIs]

They also said, there’s help out there, they could’ve asked for help. Wow. They just don’t understand! Like the one lady said, abused women are most likely to be KILLED right after leaving.

[@beths3288]

Yes, when you don't get it, the statement "just leave" demonstrates the lack of comprehension of the problem. That being said, I'd say things have changed substantially for women since the 70's. I think a lot more women (but clearly not all) are avoiding getting involved in these types of relationships to start with, or can more quickly recognize abuse and take steps to stop it earlier. And I think the frustrated male population today is somewhat the result - a lot of "incels" out there who can't find women to abuse, because women realize they don't need to be in these situations and they have their own power.

[@stephaniemcpherson2558]

My husband abused me for 13 years & its NOT simple or easy to leave! Shelters are often full, have very short time limits you can stay & waiting lists for income based housing is months or years long. I tried to leave in 2015 and was told that I could go to a shelter (4 week limit) BUT my autistic son couldn’t b/c he was 12. I have absolutely NO FAMILY. What was I to do? We eventually left & lived in my Honda Civic for a year while waiting on sec-8 housing.I am on disability b/c my husband broke my back while trying to leave a few years back. I had no $ for divorce lawyer so he got everything(no pro-bono would help me either) I’m finishing my degree now & we’re safe, poor but happy so trust me… you can’t always “just leave”!! 😢 DON’T JUDGE others. Please.

[@firstnamelastname6016]

That is an awful situation, and you are so incredibly strong for getting out. I cannot comprehend the idiocy of some people to believe that all it takes to escape an abuser is just walking away. I hope things are getting better for you and your son; you two deserve a world full of kindness❤

[@kellysamons3722]

So sorry that you had to deal with that. Glad that you are safe now.

[@Itookmymeds]

As a child survivor, it is why now as an adult I am going back to college and then law school because family law makes a person act pro se[on their own] with no legal help because it is under civil code and not criminal code where you get a lawyer for free. SO many SA/DV/IPV survivors feel trapped because of no money for legal help. I want to change that.

[@alwaystruetoblue]

​@@ItookmymedsAll love and blessings on you ❤❤❤

[@prim.an.propher1505]

I’m literally on the verge of tears reading your story. I am so sorry you went through that. I’m even more angry that resources such as housing are squandered by people who don’t have a true need but are hoarding them out of sheer greed and laziness

[@angelicalicari8355]

1:22 "I refuse to accept the taking of the law into one's own hands" except that beating your wife wasn't illegal at the time, so she wasn't punishing him on their behalf, she was filling in the gaping holes in the system.

[@suzbone]

This should be top comment

[@khadijaejaz]

What's legal is not always ethical

[@audnbob1]

OMG yeah,...when he said THAT I was furious! Maybe if he was being beat half to death on a daily basis,...would the table's turn the/! You know they would! Makes me crazy when I hear crap like this!

[@ariesgirl9592]

👏 👏 👏 👏

[@munkustrap2]

Well, someone had to take the law into their own hands...the police sure weren't. 🤬

[@ranadaghesh3816]

Did he really sit there and with his whole chest just say she could've left her abuser? That man has never been afraid for his life he will never understand what it's like to be a woman and even more so a woman of color.

[@victoriaspencer4602]

Abuse comes in all colors.

[@BUCSLIFE27]

she did leave. several times. he followed her

[@sonnyroy497]

@Tom Walsh ???

[@jgunn03]

I agree. A white male sitting there talking about abuse. The dude on the top of the pyramid scheme judging those on the lowest tier. You notice how long it took for Thomia's conviction to get overturned, for the abuse issue to even come to light? Don't tell me race didn't play a role in that.

[@scdu]

@Live to ride Ride to live statistics don't care about your feelings.

[@CjDndu]

The guy at 16:15 seems like he has an inherent disgust for the lady and very huge lack of understanding of what an abusive relationship looks like...

[@summerscoming123]

These women are cleaning up the streets as far as im concerned. Give them a medal

[@alessa7013]

Yes!

[@kathrynshields8221]

YES...........they deserve a medal and much more !!those scum don't need to be.on our planet💩.

[@sharpedge3355]

How many women saved by these PoS going to jail or being killed?

[@paigeconnelly4244]

"Why didn't she just leave?" has the same energy as "Why don't homeless people just buy a house?"

[@poohcatchyou3917]

This comment deserves more attention

[@katperson1955]

It is such a judgmental, ignorant question. They should teach classes on domestic violence and the way it evolves, how a woman can fall in love and end up committed to a man who seems like a dream at first...charming, protective, loving, caring but gradually turns into a nightmare. During that "transformation", he systematically isolates her and, by the time that isolation is complete, the physical and psychological abuse becomes constant. I got out but so may women don't until it is too late and, even if they do leave, unless they have the resources to go into hiding, can be found and murdered.

[@vickypedias]

"let them eat cake"

[@lizpantelis]

It's so much worse coming out of prosecutors mouths - if he REALLY believes it's so easy it shows a serious hole in education of social issues for someone who is supposedly highly educated.

[@annec6200]

The way that older white male prosecutors said, she should have left him was just like if he had said, "why didn’t she say "no" or why she wore a short skirt" for a black woman who didn’t have the same outcome…That was the definition of victim shaming with a side of white privilege… Am I wrong because it was blatantly obvious…

[@vickykay3480]

The lawyer who said she could have taken the little that she had, taken the kids, and disappeared would no doubt be the same one to happily take her to court for custody on behalf of her abusive husband. What an insulting thing to say.

[@Mishellacqua]

She couldn't have just left. Most women can't "just leave". If the woman does leave, that's usually when the husband kills her and even their kids. Exactly what happened in several countries this year.

[@teijaflink2226]

Yeah just like what happened to the young woman with a baby in Greece who just wanted to leave. It's a very real danger, so many men go into insane rage. Even if he isn't abusing you I think it's sadly very important for women to tell they are going to leave in a safe place and not alone somewhere where no one heard you

[@lorriefinley3129]

I've been out of College/University for a LONG time. But is there much postings about help for abuse victims? Phone numbers, cards they can take? Is there a shelter office on campus (by a different name of course) for victims to stop in to get resources? I'm just thinking this is a perfect place. But then again so are Grocery stores and Children's Clothing Departments.

[@elijahhernandez906]

​@@teijaflink2226What happened in Greece?

[@frasersgirl4383]

My first memories of my father were when I was about six years old and he was beating on my mother. In the house, in the car…..it was a secret. Saying she could have left is a terrible lie.

[@Star-dj1kw]

I am so sorry 😢

[@audnbob1]

Our house too, then he'd go after us.......

[@Candlewick14]

How awful my god

[@Michadoo]

@@audnbob1 I'm sorry

[@juliebella1221]

My Father hunted single Mother's with children to assault the children. His car was blown up he was so evil, but sadly he wasn't in it. Evil thrives while good dies.

[@tomsparks6099]

This presentation gives more time to the men commenting on the guilt of the crimes rather than defending the millions of women who have suffered abuse without recourse except to rid themselves of their abusers.

[@teambeining]

She couldn’t just leave, because the husband “owned” the kids back then. She couldn’t keep them in a divorce unless he okayed it. Women didn’t have rights back then without their own job and money, which was controversial. People don’t realize how far we’ve come in a short time, although there are still some areas in the US where this is still the reality.

[@johndoe-wv3nu]

Sorta how family courts treat men today?

[@CHOICEBETWEENFEARANDLOVE]

@Tom Walsh it’s true, why try to deny it?

[@alisonbarratt3772]

@@TakenTook the children saw it

[@purplelove3666]

@@johndoe-wv3nu it hurt doesn't it?. Its hurt because its happening to you, but where were the men when this women where getting beaten ?.

[@vkrgfan]

Some areas? There are a lot of women that chose to become housewives despite all of these cases. Traditionalism is very strong, the majority of the population is highly religious so it’s going to take time to undo all these traditional ties. The problem is no one ever talked about abuse, moreover abuse was accepted as a part of a human trait.

[@gisellegonzalez2628]

She could’ve packed up the little she had and leave!! Really!?! He has no clue no clue whatsoever. She opened the floodgates for every abused woman.

[@bellaann4942]

She couldn't leave. He had brainwashed her into believing he would KILL HER if she left. And he backed it up each time with a punch. That does so much to the brain many do not understand. She did the world a favor.

[@ElleDeas]

I wouldn’t even say brainwash, I’m sure he was committed to that act!!

[@LambentLark]

Definitly not brainwashing. It is a promise they fully intend to keep.

[@yvonne3582]

If they do leave, they are met with a barrage of “he didn’t mean it”, “he won’t do it again”, “he’s such a nice guy”, and I’ve even heard family members say “do you think you’re the only one?” as if this commonality excuses the abuse. It happens to many women so learn to live with it, until of course he finally succeeds in killing you.

[@nfbconnect]

My family convinced me to go back 6 times. When I left I lost everything and everyone.

[@grammiecopper9024]

@@nfbconnect reading these comments bring back soo many memories that I wish I could have forgotten. 😢 I am sorry that you had to go through so much. 😔

[@emmaleechase613]

Yup. ‘Gaslighting’…

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

@@nfbconnect And when somebody abuses them do they do the same thing to themselves?

[@missyramsey7513]

So so sick of the victim blaming, as if she could just leave. Not that simple, ever.

[@bridgetb9899]

I remember watching this movie in the 80s, as a kid, with my parents...my mother was receiving regular beatings so it really struck a chord. It's heartbreaking.

[@SarifaXionic]

People say just leave but forget about cases like Cynthia Brown or women of color. Sometimes you can’t just leave. You need a plan you need a friend to help when you aren’t allowed to have friends. You need the police to help when they still turn a blind eye.

[@HeyitsBri_]

Cyntoia

[@ThePimmy11]

@Speaking Truth it's not not a color issue either. Is your skin dark? You're more likely to get time instead of it being recognized as self defense. You're more likely to have the cops see you as having provoked it. You're less likely to have the resources to get away. And when your violent partner is treated as second class, they are more likely to need someone to take it out on someone they can feel more powerful than.

[@ThePimmy11]

@Speaking Truth it's in no way a leap. Look at every instance in history where a particular group is under oppressive law, those groups see a spike in domestic violence. Just because YOU don't live it doesn't make it non existent.

[@Preservestlandry]

And then he'll kill your friend who helped you so you have to live with thinking it's "your fault."

[@madamluis2537]

This isn’t about color wierdo

[@Sheridan-365]

I look at her as a hero for all women who are being abused. She should’ve never done jail time.

[@tamikalee4441]

I definitely Agree!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@isitoveryet9525]

Absolutely. It’s just sad that things only started to change, because that case happened to get the media’s attention. All the women who were thrown in prison for trying to protect themselves, and/or their children, were completely ignored.

[@lilysfield1]

She was not heroic. she snapped. She reached the end of her rope. He brought it on by his inexcusable abuse. He was the cause of his own death. Justifiable homicide.

[@tonybrown7041]

​@The Abyss You mean to say Francine's a heroine.

[@Goodiesfanful]

She was not convicted, so she did not do jail time for it. But other battered wives are less lucky.

[@SN-sz7kw]

My Catholic grandmother was never able to leave her abusive husband. The church excommunicated women who left husbands who beat them. A mother of 8 children, she finally lost it and started going out at night setting fires. Her only way of expressing her rage and terror.

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

Why would she want to be part of a church like that?

[@Kaarver]

That’s so sad, I feel so sorry for her!

[@krdiaz8026]

@@Ariadne76-k3d The Church doesn't excommunicate women who leave their abusive husbands. You can leave. You can even file for an annulment. I don't know the whole story here, but what individual Catholics do or not do can sometimes not be according to what the Church teaches. The official teaching is Catholics must help the people who are being abused. The problem here is domestic disputes, including violence, were legally and culturally considered private affairs during those times, hence people, including the police, were unable to do anything. It wasn't because they didn't want to do anything.

[@janbeee]

@@krdiaz8026 please explain why you chose to say "this doesn't happen." And later, "Oh, it definitely did happen during the time frame we're talking about." You had an excellent opportunity, instead, to ask why he chose to put the blame on the victim instead of the church or the abuser.

[@SN-sz7kw]

@@Ariadne76-k3dWomen and children did not have a choice in those days. Raised Catholic, married Catholic, stayed Catholic. One of my other Grandmothers once told me that she had wanted a divorce, but she had children and no job. As she put it, “I had no place to go.”

[@yosyem6956]

Woooow so he can get arrested for being “belligerent with the officers” but not for physically and mentally abusing his wife. Also why was she arrested with no bond? Truly this was a miscarriage of justice for this woman. And the sad thing is that the laws and system is not on the victims side till this day.

[@lorriefinley3129]

She was arrested for First degree Homicide. It showed her arrest papers. Normally 1st ° Murder is no bond. There would have been no way for her to pay a bond anyway.

[@lindakachona7500]

Thought as much

[@ptcreations8947]

That guy saying she needed to "punish him" before she left...what bullsh*t

[@alisonbarratt3772]

That man prob abuses someone.

[@bobbierobinson6269]

I'd she did that's fine too.

[@JeanineBruen]

it's the arrogance when he says it too that really is the icing on the cake. I'm so sick of hearing men like him act like they know anything about being a woman in this kind of life or death position. especially when children are involved.

[@fullacharms]

I bet any money he's put hands on a few women himself

[@JW-uy2on]

Such a male analysis.

[@shelocsher2396]

Abusers treat you like they hate you. Yet leaving is the most dangerous time.

[@categurl3967]

These men who are suggesting she could just walk away with 4 kids, have never been beat in a place you should feel protected. I have been in that nightmare

[@lorriefinley3129]

It sounds like you are safe now? I'm hoping all goes well for you & you have a strong support system in place.

[@jaminavestajugo3456]

So sorry to hear that. I hope you have gotten out of that terrible situation.

[@darlyswynn5594]

That statement “she could have left,” infuriates me. As someone posted, leaving is the most dangerous point with an abuser. I had to escape 1200 miles and I was still terrified he would find me. That was 40 years ago and the PTSD is something I couldn’t escape, it returns sometimes after all these years. After I left I volunteered at a battered women’s shelter, and that helped me so much. God bless the people who have been abused…I am much stronger now, thank God.

[@courtneykleiner9666]

*Hugs*

[@tammybrown4901]

🙏🙏🙏❤

[@sheenaldeo]

PROUD OF YOU! There is hope and you’re proof!

[@JennyOSunshine]

I hope you are as proud of your strength as we are of you. 🌸🌺

[@darlyswynn5594]

Thank you, all of you, for your kind and lovely words. If anyone out there needs someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to contact me or anyone. 🍀🌹🌸🌻

[@norwoodwildlife9849]

R.I.P. Francine Hughes, she passed away on March 22 2017.

[@elaineandjohn9599]

Stand your ground unless it’s your husband?

[@HeyitsBri_]

Of course, because if you’re a woman facing continuous torture by a partner you can just pick up and go. Why is that so hard 🙄 (sarcasm)

[@amayastrata4629]

M Detlef there is plenty of case law that shows how an abused woman may react in this way. Try reading some of it. It may help you to appreciate what happens when living this way of life and what a person can do to your mind. Then a simple, shallow, never going through this set up mindset opinion may be changed. Probably not but it’s worth trying to understand if you consider yourself intelligent.

[@paulabrown6840]

Typical uncaring cynical attorney who doesn’t care about justice...just MONEY! 🤬

[@aubreyalvarez7396]

Hmmm... sounds like bs to me

[@mercury_rising]

@@paulabrown6840 sounds like her attorney did a bang up job.

[@intherapture]

The bar has always been the FLOOR for protecting the vulnerable among us in this country. Therefore, we always have to destroy the comfort of the powerful to make progress.

[@intherapture]

@M Detlef I said vulnerable and powerful, not majority and minority. Words mean things. And only white women had the vote since 1920, so maybe it's best for you to save all those exclamations and focus on learning comprehensive history and intersectionality.

[@inkyguy]

@@intherapture, Fortunately, it looks like that comment was removed.

[@carolynworthington8996]

Excellent point!

[@Jamakaya1]

"Power concedes nothing without a demand." - Frederick Douglas

[@moiraslater8526]

You don't get to leave an abusive relationship...you escape.

[@dammar117]

It's disgusting to hear that guy say she could have simply left. And the other lady didn't deserve 15 years in prison. Wtf, actual criminals often get less.

[@lorriefinley3129]

Neither did the other 200 women that were trying to get out. To think, she was the only one. It must have been devastating for those women.

[@nomine4027]

She could have taken what little she had and disappeared? That guy still doesn't seem to get it. Nauseating.

[@beattitude12]

I’ve worked with abusers for 20+ years. I casually track DV murders, looking for one thing in particular- had she left? Was she leaving- or did he think she was? By my count, almost 95% of the women killed by their partners are killed BECAUSE they left, were trying to leave, wouldn’t come back, or the killer thought she was going to leave.

[@candicefrost4561]

Look also for if they were pregnant, because pregnant women are more likely to be beaten.

[@kassassinprawn516]

70% of women who are murdered by their domestic partner have already left the abusive relationship. Maybe if cops would friggin do something about crimes against women, they wouldn't be driven to such an extreme.

[@valeriewoods6882]

Meghan Montgomery, Birmingham AL.

[@LK-qz7eh]

Cops are useless and they are wife beaters too so don’t count on them for help!

[@TT_09]

Cops fully know about these types of crimes, many of them are abusers themselves.

[@katyw8201]

But it’s very difficult for cops to do their job when statistically majority of the women do not press charges against their abuser. Now, domestic violence isn’t just getting beaten, we know that it’s also mind control so that can make it difficult because the person being abusedis scared. However, we can’t blame the police all the time for everything.

[@Nelle-uj3eg]

Stop just saying she should leave him. When you are viewed as an object by your abuser to them you are not human and you can be treated any way they choose! The abuser views you as something that they will not give up no matter what no matter where you go they will follow you!

[@lifewithk6056]

“You can just leave” abusers groom their victims into thinking their worthless and won’t survive without them, leaving is not just something you do when you’re abused. It takes wearing multiple faces and playing dumb to survive the day. Men can’t fully understand because it’s so far fetched to them that they’d ever be so powerless themselves

[@jaminavestajugo3456]

The abuse can also happen within communities that put a lot of pressure on women to maintain traditional gender roles and family structures. There are so many structures that can allow the abuse to continue easily. :-(

[@blacknight2149]

Well said

[@TimeLady8]

The sister of my son's best friend was murdered by her boyfriend in 2022. She was only 33. RIP Jenny.

[@rovic101]

Now let’s talk about the children who are a product of these relationships. The laws are not strong enough. If the evidence is not strong enough, the man won’t go to jail. The judge will grant the father some kind of visitation/custody order. The abuse continues. He then uses the children as a way to continue the abuse of the mother. It’s a vicious cycle. Children are suffering greatly because of domestic violence and it is affecting our future. Kids are being raised seeing this happen, then they grow up and are abusers, and get into abusive relationships. It doesn’t stop. I don’t know how to make it stop other than to protect my children as best as I can.

[@Tink6217]

Unfortunately if your dad or mum abuses you dad or mum the kids are likely being abused too.

[@Tink6217]

@Naim Miah I mean the once who abuse their partner are lickly to also abused the kids.

[@desireepetitdemurat8660]

Well said.

[@Koda-ys1lg]

God bless you for the awareness in your comment.

[@hamilcross]

as a child of parents that abused each other and has since been in exclusively abusive relationships, i felt this. hard.

[@monicawerner5762]

The guy says “she could have disappeared”......I really hope he has since gained insight

[@ida1620]

Doubtful

[@Jude74]

This video shows he hasn’t.

[@Kim-Berly200]

My grandmother, born in 1916, was beaten by my grandfather constantly in Flint, Michigan. The police never arrested him, but the one time she fought back by cutting him with a knife she was arrested😢

[@sandranorman5469]

My ex husband beat me with the telephone after he stayed out all night. Spent 10 days in the hospital. When the cops took me to the ER the Doc who treated me said ,”What did you say to make him mad?” I got out to find that he had cancelled our heat. So I went and cleaned out our savings accounts.

[@TheMaiah13]

Typical blame it on the woman mentality! Disgusting really.

[@mercury_rising]

As if anything said could justify that!!!

[@candaces.7547]

I’m so sorry this happened to you.

[@DuckHouse1]

That's appalling!

[@recoveringsoul755]

Did you ask the doctor if he beats his wife? And what "sets him off"?

[@mariamassey5468]

ANY COWARD THAT BEATS A WOMAN OR CHILD DESERVES NO MERCY

[@ccrgrl]

My mom was a battered woman, they keep you without money and try to seperate those that would speak up, when I turned 16 I got us out of there

[@ERAforALL]

Brave child!

[@BeautifulDove-i7u]

Bravo

[@paigeconnelly4244]

"Why didn't she just leave?" How many times have we hear that an abusive husband has just murdered his wife and kids then committed suicide, because was going to leave him?

[@shimlacy]

As a child of the 70s, I remember that movie because it starred my idol Farrah Fawcett. I begged my mom to let me watch and we did together. We both cried. It stuck with me my whole life and I knew I had watched something very important in my life. Her story helped countless women and prevented future tragedy for some. ❤

[@lorriefinley3129]

It was a turning point for many teenagers & young women. I realize its a bit dated but I believe it should be shown along with this video (with a few tweaks) at school.

[@chiantikight9630]

Loved Farrah! I read & saw the movie, it had lasting impact to this day on me.

[@christineegan465]

Obviously someone has never been in an abusive relationship before. You don't just "take the kids and run'. You will have the crap beaten out of you when he finds you.

[@joyceannjackson4796]

Francine Hughes was my mother's hero. She thought that she deserved a holiday named after her.

[@lorriefinley3129]

She does - its Mothers Day!

[@jaminavestajugo3456]

I hope your mother didn't have similar experiences to Francine Hughes.

[@lorriefinley3129]

@Red Hot Pepper Spray ?

[@annacostello5181]

Guy Fawkes Day

[@catsundre2904]

Stop victim blaming!! Sometimes they can't leave! They are groomed into coming back! It's a vicious cycle and I don't know why they can't SEE that!!!!

[@killingkiddo]

Yes! Agree

[@trailertrish]

Even when u CAN see it, u feel helpless and ur gaslit into thinking there is nothing u can do.

[@SweetLilWren]

These clips are all old, and or speaking about the ways things were looked at at the time it occurred (I think 🤔)

[@ArtOfficialKreations]

I wonder if the term “victim blaming” would be used so cavalierly in that last case? (Where the woman stabbed her boyfriend 9 times, but not a word was said about prior abuse during the trial) Saying the boyfriend was abusive (years after the fact, mind you), when he’s not around anymore to refute the allegations? Sounds like *”victim blaming”* to me. _Murder Victim Blaming…_

[@bdale5231]

@@ArtOfficialKreations Crying!

[@melexanie5403]

People who say "Just take the kids and leave, or just leave" Have absolutely NO idea how hard it actually is to leave relationships like this. I did, but it took me 7yrs to do it!

[@user-mi5xq8zj7u]

"When your protector is your predator it ain't fair"

[@slazaro8586]

There's no need to be a protector, just a partner

[@linaaviles430]

Which is why we need to stop teaching women that they need to be protected

[@slazaro8586]

@@linaaviles430 and also teach men that they don't have to harm women, we all equal

[@user-mi5xq8zj7u]

@@slazaro8586 ...that sounds naive

[@slazaro8586]

@@user-mi5xq8zj7u Watch this video, it's so interesting kzbin.info/www/bejne/noC4eIF9jNKBZs0

[@cookieboo3253]

The Burning Bed I remember well the movie staring Farrah. What no one understood back then is eventually these people go insane. They are not able to stand one more moment of abuse.

[@gwenethgraham8061]

I hope lifetime show it every now and again

[@shonaharris9328]

Domestic violence syndrome.

[@TheMaiah13]

Years after I had escaped my abusive boyfriend, I still had nightmares of him finding me and hurting me. I would flinch when I hear someone who sounds like him, or if someone crept behind my back, my instinct is to lash out and hurt that person. You are scarred beyond what people can see. Its been more than 20 years, and thankfully, am free of the trauma at last.

[@86crud]

Insane, no. Crazy woman? I don’t think so. We’re talking about emotional and psychological damage, sure. But she was not insane.

[@Candlewick14]

Interesting point.

[@smileyjack2]

Listening to men telling abused women what they should have done 🤯

[@Gypsy415]

It inches forward and launches back. Women started fighting against domestic abuse in the 1700's. The Temperance Movement was primarily to reduce domestic abuse and improve the stability of the family. Abused women always know there is no escape unless the abuser dies.

[@GotoMaki4Micah]

this should be pinned at the top

[@inkyguy]

Yes, the Temperance Movement was in many ways a women’s movement to protect themselves and their children.

[@lorriefinley3129]

As was the right to vote. Because they knew with this power, they would be able to influence government plus be able to run for government seats and have more power to make change.

[@sailormoonie93]

as someone who works in law enforcement and assault cases … hearing “she could have escaped” is such bull. that’s the most dangerous time.

[@susansuewwilliams]

My children and I were victims of psychological abuse. Never physical, but I always something that plunged the psychological knife and twisted it. Now in her '50s my daughter still does not have a relationship with her father, because she remembers the abuse, of what the psychologist called a bright, intelligent young woman. She was seven when I got the courage to leave.

[@Heart_rachel]

“She could have left” my ex husband closed my credit cards and kept my car keys and debit card. How do you leave with no car and no money? Leaving requires logistics and plans, and I made it out eventually, but it took years and I’ve never stopped looking over my shoulder.

[@jenelaina5665]

Glad you're out. ♥️

[@catherinesigurdson4189]

I'm an abused woman and I have the anger still inside me. It's been 30 years.

[@nicholasjanke3476]

What happened to the person who abused you?

[@eastside_bee]

the first step towards post rehabilitation is to let it go… I know it can be difficult but in order for us to move forward with life we have to learn to let the past go.

[@DetectiveTrupo203]

One of the best things you could do for your mental, emotional, and physical health is train in boxing. It's great cardio but it's so powerful psychologically to hit a heavy bag and let your anger out and feel how powerful you are and know you could physically protect yourself.

[@Heartcoachtalk]

Sending love and prayers of peace and healing to you ❤️‍🩹🙏🏾❤️‍🩹🙏🏾

[@charlenerathgeb8217]

This clown Lee Atkinson is everything that is wrong with the system. A mysoginist with power.

[@naomibackes2639]

Thank you!! No one understands until you have been in it. The co-dependence and the fear is terrifying.

[@o.h.w-ok]

Children who suffer child abuse have no power to leave, no way to speak up, no one they can trust, and no way to save themselves. ❤️ You are always in my heart. It wasn’t your fault.

[@HandmadeDarcy]

In an abusive household, there is never even a moment when the abuser is “not in the process of abusing”. The terror IS abuse.

[@lorriefinley3129]

Yes, that is called Emotional and/or Mental abuse.

[@katrabbit]

Exactly. It's a constant feeling of dread and terror.

[@Tracymmo]

I grew up with that. The damage it does is just awful. And if I tell people that I grew up with a violent father, the first question is "did your dad hit you?" They don't get it. It doesn't really matter if he did it didn't. It was living in terror, but knowing when he'd explode AMD how far he'd go that was terrifying. It was witnessing his rages that has scarred me for life.

[@Krispiiee]

I had this. Was in an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I lived in constant terror or when he’d snap it was horrible

[@earnold1896]

​@@Tracymmo ...agree 100 percent.

[@tisherbug27]

The victim blaming by the men in this is infuriating.

[@hellepost1439]

Alex Skeel Jordan Worth

[@momohatsana2365]

These men that talk about just leaving and not staying with the abuser is so disappointing and part of the problem. Despite many years and cases of domestic abuse they still don’t get it!!!

[@angelagillett1033]

So you choose to live in an abusive relation ship. Everyone has a choice.

[@smayor23]

@@angelagillett1033 is not that easy to leave an abusive relationship, you make it sound easy but is not ,oh I forgot you never been in an abusive relationship so you won’t understand

[@misssoso5859]

So that justifies or excuses murder?

[@TheAmandaMAYshow]

@@angelagillett1033 educate yourself. Your right everyone has a choice but not everyone can make that choice without risking their safety.

[@roastedpeanuts1994]

@@misssoso5859 sometimes, when the conditions are really extreme

[@PatriciaGodboutArt]

ThIs guy has absolutely no right to judge her.

[@jeaniehorton5964]

Yes!!!!👏

[@lindacabral922]

He's her son

[@ReemTahir]

@@lindacabral922they are talking about the law enforcement guy… not the son, who sounds very affectionate and sympathetic towards his mother

[@Beulabuttress]

The police treated violence against a woman by her husband the same way as if he'd vandalised a piece of his own property. It was the same in Australia.

[@SpringerA1984]

The woman deserved a medal and a new house.

[@mpatel5252]

If she wasn't going to do it he eventually would have. Not to mention the psychological damage that has already been done to the children at the point. If you abuse the mother you abuse the child.

[@ronachadwick7908]

Why would he terrorise his wife and children? Why didnt he just leave? Why wouldnt he let her go? Wish people would think and question the violent person.

[@eggpon6819]

This is scary, the same things he experienced in 1977, I did in the 2000s and 2010s watching your mom stuffer and experience abuse is extremely traumatic

[@Allergictocatstoo]

It’s 2020 and not much has changed! May her memory be a blessing.

[@deepanagaraj8764]

And I thought in US it has changed a lot since then!!

[@NODE1975]

There are safe houses now so that has changed

[@bobbierobinson6269]

There are laws that have changed. There are people who have changed. There are shows, commercials, books,pamphlets, etc, everywhere about abuse. How not to be in it, how to get help, how hide are just some of the information. The 70's was far worse. I watched my dad beat on my mom so bad she looked like a tree had fell on her, while she was 8mths pregnant. The only reason he stopped that time was because I climbed on top of belly crying. That's not the first nor last time, but the worse I saw personally. He knew all her family, all her friends, there was no place to hide..so she would go back out of fear. I have to say that she was smarter than most, after he died she never lived with another man who would hit her. Many women who live through that believe that they deserve no better or just really think that's how men prove their love. It's a cycle of pain physically and mentally. God bless the women who live through that and the children who have remember.

[@deepanagaraj8764]

@@bobbierobinson6269 Hope you found peace now

[@bobbierobinson6269]

@@deepanagaraj8764 thank you. I don't think it bothers me much except I have told everyone I ever dated that they better not hit me..It only happened once and when the cops came over the hill they had to drag me off of him😉

[@kooolllkatscat7830]

As a child my step dad beat my mom in front of my siblings and I for 12 years . I will always remember how he would be my mom as if it happens last night . He is a horrible thing so evil and the worst thing that ever walked this earth .

[@almostatami]

I wish it was as easy as just running away but there are a multitude of things that keep you stuck with an abusive partner. It's infuriating.

[@leslietig4]

Feeling like you aren't worth it and your kids need you to stay

[@andreasantoni6896]

I saw the Burning Bed on Encore back in the early 2000's and that was a powerful movie. I figured that there are more layers to peel back to this case besides the domestic violence and Francine Hughes murdering her husband, Mickey. There's the feminist issue, the fact that local law enforcement was completely incompetent, and family who clung on to traditional family values, despite the changing times. Francine Hughes was brave enough to stand up to her abusive husband and get out the marriage before she herself got murdered. Stories like The Burning Bed is a great means to teach society a lesson about the evils of domestic violence. RIP Francine Hughes 1947-2017

[@aprilmay1061]

There also was a book and it of course was more detailed. Her husband was horrendous and got what he deserved.

[@andreasantoni6896]

@Piatequila And if laws did exist then they would be ineffective. Ineffective laws against domestic violence fare little better than no laws against it.

[@lorriefinley3129]

Being the movie was made nearly 10 years later, a lot changed in that amount of time. In my post I said both this video & the movie needs to be shown in schools -for a way to show changes/ no change (but video needs a few changes too).

[@Cheryltwin2012]

It's not so much that law enforcement was incompetent. They had to operate under the laws that existed at that time. Many cops, even in my own case, were frustrated because, unless he was beating me in front of them, there was little they could do.

[@Fluttershy890]

I remember watching this film and it's heartbreaking how she was not only blamed, but people questioning why she didn't leave. She tried many times, and even when she told authorities they hardly did anything about the situation.

[@msperez1234]

I left an abusive marriage after 71/2 years and I’m 6 month out, it’s gonna take a long time I’m completely broken 😞

[@aimeeinkling]

You can do it, honey! Six months is a long time! Just keep going and think of it in terms of six months at a time. Next thing you know, it'll be 20 years!

[@lorriefinley3129]

Congratulations! You are a Strong, Strong lady! When you catch your breath, soon, check out a counselor/ therapist who treats PTSD and uses EMDR for treatment. It's simple but effective & usually only takes a couple times but it helps so that you don't have the emotions when you remember the incidents. It really helped me for my PTSD episodes.

[@jacquelinedagneau212]

one day at the time sweetheart !

[@annburlingham4563]

I'm so glad you're out.

[@katrinaparris8013]

Don't go back!

[@sonnyroy497]

She did what she had to do because the 'law' would NOT intercede on her behalf. The 'law' was made by men, FOR men. She really didn't matter.

[@lorriefinley3129]

I'll clarify that statement: the law was made by white men FOR white men.

[@--Skip--]

Still is.

[@paigeturner5358]

@@--Skip-- In some ways but women have a little too much power now where they can claim DV on a whim and their husband is arrested with no proof. It happened to my son which taught me how things have changed and how men have no rights when it comes to their children, possessions etc. It's a bitter pill to swallow. Men experiencing DV aren't acknowledged and the family unit is under threat.

[@HelloTuuuurdz]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@HelloTuuuurdz]

@@lorriefinley3129 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@arnethd9730]

That man should have been in a mental hospital, not married with children.

[@susanperry4177]

Or prison

[@ISEEKSPACE]

I don't understand the ignorance of people when they say she should have left. I mean, they just don't understand that to leave after being broken down so many times, the idea of where to go so you are not found, money, the stress of what will I do with the children, etc. makes it so so hard to just leave. You can't because the way society has made things to be where one has to be financially stable enough to walk away in the first place, is just not possible or very, very difficult. Chances are when dealing with an abuser, it isn't only mental and physical, it's also the control. You have to understand this man probably controlled each and every aspect of this woman's life. I can't imagine her struggle. The desperation it must have taken this woman to set this man on fire to save herself and her children is what should be looked at. To what point does someone have to reach to set someone who you loved at some point, had children with at some point, decided to try raising a family with at some point, on fire or killed because of the abuse they were enduring. I mean, for godsake! Ignorance to the core!