A Key Sign of Dissociative Identity Disorder - with Kathy Steele, MN, CS

Get the latest strategies on treating trauma in the short course: "How to Identify and Treat Dissociation (Even When It’s Subtle)" with Kathy Steele, MN, CS, Bessel van der Kolk, MD, Ruth Lanius, MD, PhD, and many other phenomenal experts: www.nicabm.com/program/dissoc...
According to Kathy Steele, MN, CS, dissociative disorders often present in subtle ways that may be tricky to identify.
So in this video, she walks us through some key signs that can help us differentiate dissociative identity disorder and structural dissociation from more mild forms of dissociation.
She’ll also share several critical steps for working with clients who dissociate.
To see the full blog, visit www.nicabm.com/?del=YTOrganic...

[@iamintentional]

Until I was diagnosed with C-PTSD in 2008 I walked through life without noticing or considering that how I managed was any different than anyone else. I studied psychology at university, did research in Beth Loftus' lab and never realized that my inability to remember the vast majority of my life was abnormal. I have no "full" memories; just pieces that circle around in the funnel cloud of my mind and ever so often I'll hear something, see something, smell something that sends a piece to my conscious awareness; a still photograph of one moment in time. There are several really bad/scary pieces always lurking in the background; but always in pieces...no full memories not one birthday, holiday etc. What you talked about was what I was told in 2008; I have no ability to process long term memory...the memories are there but they are "misfiled". The woman who diagnosed me disappeared and I have been unable to find anyone since who understands anything about complex trauma or dissociation. I now rely on channels like yours and The CTAD clinic on youtube. Thank you for your further input.

[@ericaschuller5980]

Yes Ctad clinic is awesome.., I have a bit same story as you Got diagnosed with cptsd and postpartum depression first in 2006… then we started more therapy but i wasnt feeling anything but had a lot of memory and time loss. And some later in therapy She suspected osdd/did but She coudtn treat me but explained what it was but there not many specialized therapist Still not officially diagnosed. I love the Ctad clinic information. Workin on it.❤

[@evamarie2247]

I hope this isnt crossing a boundary, but ur welcome to follow my page for helpful tips and knowledge on this disorder. Iv dealt with it and am medically Diagnosedand disabled with it since 2009. I don't hide the reality and the learning that comes with it. Hope this helps.

[@iamintentional]

@@ericaschuller5980 Thank you for taking the time to share. I'm so sorry for whatever you've been through in life which saddled you with these burdens to bear. It's frustrating to try and explain yourself to those who do not have a clue what you're talking about...and it increases the shame you carry along the way; so it's comforting to hear from others who understand. As time went on I distanced myself and now I am most comfortable as a high functioning agoraphobic. I wish you peace and understanding.

[@donnabunce1639]

Same with me. I was never diagnosed correctly until more recently. Along with neurofeedback and a therapist who knew how to work with DID I was lost and scattered. Psychiatric medications were hell and caused further damage. I could not stay present. Neurofeedback has been key along with psychotherapy in processing childhood trauma.

[@Nightwalker25-m3u]

Yeah same for me. I have cptsd as well. Can't tell what triggers it.

[@personaddi]

3:52 "Dissociation is about hiding from yourself" ❤ Thank you!

[@FirefliesMulti]

In our case, it's not about hiding from ourselves, it's about pretending to be someone else, and we still have to do it. we have to pretend to be the host, because people don't believe we are real and/or dont understand that we exist. We get really good at pretend.

[@Rat_Queen86]

I’m not going to lie I went to my therapist over a year ago and when I described these symptoms, I broke down crying when she said ‘have you heard of DID?’ I had a diagnosis of CPTSD and thanks to her and a lot of work, my parts have been identified and now work well.

[@cosmingurau]

My girlfriend has diagnosed BPD, with a pretty severe form of DID, which was not diagnosed yet. What kind of work are you talking about? Can you please point me into a direction? I am scared for her.

[@TheYokaiRadio]

​@@cosmingurau You sound like my bf😂if it weren't for him tho, I wouldn't be here. Remind her that you are not the enemy & she is safe. Repeat it so much it becomes a mantra. It took me way too long to figure out that I wasn't fighting my bf, I was fighting the person that hurt me. I felt I had to be that way so no one will ever be able to hurt me again. If she fights you hard, then I'm so sorry she ever had to go thru that kind of torture by the hands of another. She's safe now. Rinse, repeat

[@FirefliesMulti]

Why did you need to say you weren't going to lie? just curious

[@jaysencorbett4974]

@@FirefliesMultia couple years ago my family started saying “not going to lie” as like a catch phrase

[@justinbarney5137]

My wife has DID, I wish there was more help for her/us. We are separated again because her persecutor alters just destroy good relationships self sabotage is an understatement… I wish there was more help out there for us. Thank you for this video more people need to know

[@Robertsmith-un5cu]

Psychedelics are the only thing powerful enough to heal DID

[@mysticalturtle9889]

@@Robertsmith-un5cuthat’s not true. There are plenty of people who figure it out with therapy/internal work. Now personally lsd did wonders for me accepting my internal world, and I know many people who have had good experiences in that sense, but the human brain is the most powerful psychedelic we have access to. Our own minds are the most powerful tools at our disposal

[@laurenking9524]

@@Robertsmith-un5cunot at all true sorry

[@FirefliesMulti]

@@Robertsmith-un5cu Not true. God is more powerful than psychedelics, and therapy from a wise therapist can help those with DID find balance and harmony.

[@FirefliesMulti]

@@mysticalturtle9889 This is true wisdom. Thank you.

[@maryjanerx]

Its like i have these conversations with people, and dont rememebe that they happened... but the other person does, because i say the same thing again

[@user-dz5rr1yr8r]

this is unreal. ill say somethi g. and say it again.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Think another listen for myself. Overwhelmed is an understatement. I’m so tired of waiting and keep trying …. And no funds or physical ability

[@matthewtikka5133]

I recently learned I have DID/OSDD, undiagnosed at this point. A month ago my PCP informed me I have tried 25 different headache medications. I have no recollection of any of them, nor do I remember unexplained pill bottles. A couple days ago I took my meds, turned around to look at the clock, turned back around and had no memory of taking my meds. I have since adopted methods to keep me safe around medications. Medications alone are a trigger for me. Weird. Also, take the advice to take it slow. These are wise words. I learned I had DID 15 times in a single evening. It was about the most uncomfortable expirence of my life. I would not recommend a note on the bathroom mirror approach that my alter took.

[@thefirm4606]

I’m coming from the other side here. My sister was diagnosed after some 40 years. She and I suffered through traumas at the hands of others. We were close because we had to be. As an adult, her narcissist side took centre stage. The relationship between us became toxic over many years. It’s been a struggle to get myself away from what had become a coercive relationship. I love her, I know she loves me, but she’s made it clear she doesn’t want me in her life unless I submit. And I cannot do that. I did that for too long. She’s generally refused support, therapy or medication. Most times she denies, misdirects and gaslights. She will not engage. She can present really well but has burned so many bridges that I know she will find it hard to come back. I’m not here to judge, but to learn. I need to understand why this happened. Why I lost my best friend. I know I have chronic depression, severe social anxiety, addiction - bless my therapist I’m working on it. But I need to understand what is going on with her to balance the person I know and the person I see now. Thanks ❤

[@age93]

Bless you. I have a very similar experience with my sister. I am the one who suffered most growing up and have immense struggles as a result- she loves that she’s portrayed as the successful sister while I’m just the fuck up. Her and I are at different ends of the spectrum with personalities. I have BPD traits and I’m positive she has NPD or something more extreme such as ASPD or dark triad. What you’re trying to “balance” is called cognitive dissonance and is what makes narcissistic relationships so difficult and painful. It’s an internal battle of conflicting knowledge and beliefs. I’ve finally reached the point where i view her as her true self and only think of the person I knew her as very occasionally. It’s as if my sister is dead

[@thefirm4606]

@@age93 thanks. Just one point- I wouldn’t call it cognitive dissonance, it’s more that I need to stop putting her in the light and get a more honest assessment of her. I can’t keep having the hope that all of this will be a bad dream, but can’t ignore that sometimes it was great. I’m coming to terms that we will never see each other again. And putting my new life together without her in a way that doesn’t leave me with abandonment issues. My life is now for me and the people I love now. Not in the past. Those who had a better impact. ❤️

[@Cathy-xi8cb]

Well, I would say that the percentage of chronic suicidality/attempts in DID, the ease with which they can decompensate, and their frequently exceptionally low level of somatic awareness DOES challenge the average therapist. Never take on someone with DID without skills, supervision, and a very, very good seatbelt!!

[@moonman1222]

i came out of intrafamilar child torture out of age 14, i was ripped away from my torturer and thrown into the first “safe home of my life”. i went through every stage of learning about my brain with my now diagnosed did system partner, starting with a mushroom trip at the beginning of 16. i don’t have the memories of it but i understand that i was aware of my “depression and anxiety” as early as 6. i learned what bpd was a few months before tripping and researched for hours and hours for the next coming months. i’m dissociating as i type this my brain feels blank but i’m aware of these facts of my life right now. i thought wow that just explains everything, the minute to hour mood swings that just didn’t make sense, not remembering huge gaps and decade of my life, dissociating from life and my body, the child like tantrums, the horrible paranoia, and intense fear of abandonment that felt like it was him again. i learned what bpd schema modes were and thought that was the exactly what was going on. i would go through cycles when i lived in the “safe house”, that was extremely unsafe in normal terms but nothing compared to my childhood homes. something would happen, an intense trigger for a child alter that made us feel like we were there again and extremely unsafe. then the little would sob and sob to my partner terrified and then i just felt like i was being thrown into reality and i would feel the tears on my face and wipe them and stare at my partner. we moved out of that house and were homeless for a month. one of the first nights in our new home a little fronted completely alone and talked to them and sobbed. that same night we had a dream that was a memory she has from a sā from our torturer, we felt every single emotion, the fear, arousal, paranoia. it was a regular thing and that was clear. i me 18 do not have any memories of any sā. my torturer is now a convicted felon, with dozens of charges to be filed when i have more control. she woke up and screamed, our partner comforting her. and then i was there. after hours of dissociating through the day i was sitting my my new safe age re closet ( that’s also what we had tonight was happening prior to figuring out being a system) and staring at a barbie poster and the little alter started hyperventilating reliving the memory. since that night i go through stages of denial extreme, this was probably 3 months ago. but then the cycle happens again and there are once again words coming out of my mouth that i can’t quite hear most of the time and a reaction that is not mine. i get upset and call my self bad and hit myself. there are persecutor littles in my system. there is a 16 year old who is stuck in time in our old room with our dog who died after we were kicked out and homeless. there is a hyper sexual 4 year old. there’s caretakers that take over when i’m not here and kept us alive as a child. i’ve put hours and hours of research into this but i don’t have an option for help at the moment since i don’t have insurance. my partner was diagnosed with did at 17 after months of intense emdr and trauma therapy. they have saved our life. we are learning to work together and help and realize that we are safe and the reason we found out now is because this is the safest life has ever been by a long shot. we are living away from every single abuser, but a lot of alters still vividly remember trauma and i get a weird flashback but it’s just one image but i know what happens, i’ll see a bed sheet or a car seat but no memories that follow just an overwhelming chest body cold or warmth of what i’m remembering and i’m there and it’s where i am right now. anyways just looking for some advice or help on how to work cohesively with child alters. and to say that things can get better, starting to unlock my system is saving my life.

[@nicabm]

Hi Khol T, I don't have any personal recommendations that I can give, but I can direct you to this database: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Here, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors - specialties, approaches, and methods. Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blogs or free materials and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I do hope this is a step in the right direction and helpful in finding the resources you need.

[@chinesekungfu2031]

​@@nicabmcheckout beauty after bruises....they can help you find a counselor

[@suze5945]

I was originally misdiagnosed with bipolar 2 at age 18.and at age 34 received a proper diagnosis of did and ptsd with no bipolar. Ty so much for posting this!!!

[@laurieford6373]

Very comforting video for DID.

[@encryptdidangels2324]

Thank you so much for talking about this. We have been professionally Dx'd and have spent a Long long Long time in therapy (off and on) until we 'finished' (?) therapy (as our previous psychologist told us, however we were surprised to hear that). We chose to be (what she called) a 'high functioning integrated system' which somehow means, we chose to remain a system but we (now) have accomplished being able to (more often than not) communicate with one another, negotiate if need be about life changing decisions, or even in most cases, chose to switch (b/c someone wants to play a game, or someone wants to go have coffee with one of our friends). We do still 'trigger switch' (if we are triggered) and CPTSD she said will probably be a factor for the rest of our life. All that said, everything you said in this video, Chef's Kiss!! The approach you talk about was the same approach our psychologist took with us, taking it slow and letting us reveal ourselves in our own time with no pressure or anything. She was legit 'fine' with 'who ever' in my system walked into her office. Again, thank you so much, it's mental health professionals like you that make a difference to those like us!

[@joannek7447]

As usual, Kathy, you are so helpful. Glad to hear this presentation. Thank you

[@tallulahforbes2259]

We are so thankful for this video. Thank you so much. It so hard to find accurate information anywhere besides trained professionals in DID, im glad there a least one accurate source on KZbin where everyone can access it! /g

[@sun018]

Learnt a lot from your guidance, thank you so much 🙂🙏

[@rhea.ok.]

What would you say to someone who is suspicious they have a dissociative disorder? Part of me is in denial but more of me is like “oh yeah no. we have something”. We’re scared to go to a professional because while yes I have that denial, the parts of me that think I do, don’t want to hear that we don’t. 😅 hope that makes sense.

[@mustachedmalarkey8838]

I am diagnosed with DID and I can tell you, denial is a function of the DID system. It's meant to be covert and not obvious to us, so it can work behind the scenes to keep us safe. Even with diagnosis I still have many moments of doubt. I'd say denial is basically one of the symptoms.

[@cozycapricorn]

you described exactly how i'm feeling...

[@LeeS-ur1lk]

Currently going through the same thing. Although I’m pretty sure, at least in this very moment, that don’t have DID exactly but OSDD. I’m not sure though. I can’t be. I’m not diagnosed and only a very small part of me can even fathom opening up to some stranger about my inner thoughts. I have severe trauma from childhood and honestly I don’t want to think it’s that. I really am at the point where I’m hoping this is just some fiction I’ve made up because I got triggered by a TV show. (moonknight.) So I guess at the end of the day, I really can’t rely on anyone but myself till I know for a fact that it’s safe for me to get help. I don’t know if that day will ever come. I would love to hear if you’ve discovered anything more recently.

[@user-jm6ds5dz3t]

Smart lady Really. thanx. all about the wording.

[@LifeinGlow]

Thank you for the video!

[@terriwerning3477]

Best explanation I have heard on this issue.

[@TheInfinitySystem]

Thank you for this video.

[@alexandria3004]

This was educational. Thank you.

[@djbond6241]

GREAT EDUCATIONAL VIDEO ABOUT HOW PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE THEY DISASSOCIATE THEMSELVES..... ABUSE, NEGLECT, TRAUMA CAN & DOES CAUSE DISASSOCIATION.... ESPECIALLY (** ADVERSIVE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES =A.C.E.S.

[@alonnamarie299]

Thank you for this video 💜

[@SeanMacdonald_CodeMonk]

very insightful. thank you

[@novalee4650]

This explains so much

[@andersonsystem2]

This is a great video.

[@peach53]

I've had this happen before, didnt know what it was

[@felineoverlordservant2419]

I trauma split when I was 6 or 7 years old. Both my mom and brother are vulnerable narcissists and were extremely abusive towards me. I was always different from them, highly sensitive, overly agreeable, introspective, emotionally intense, etc. I was diagnosed with borderline at my 1st mental hospital, then dissociative disorder and complex ptsd at my 2nd mental hospital, then when I went to trauma treatment 7 years ago, dissociative identity disorder and complex ptsd. I don’t necessarily think the borderline diagnosis was wrong, one of my alters is absolutely borderline but she only pretends to not have empathy. She was a great big liar about not caring and it would take an idiot doctor not to catch her malingering, narcotic chasing behavior. She’s the alter that deserves the most empathy and compassion. The reason she was created is heartbreaking. Anyways, I’m missing about 25 years total of my life on and off memory wise and other periods of time I only kind of remember, like I’ll remember an emotion or feeling but not the event, or I’ll remember the general nature of the event but not the specifics. I also can’t remember most of the people I’ve dated during my borderline and other alter time periods, names or faces. Post trauma therapy, it’s pretty much consistently been isolation and my inner self helper these last few years (she’s the reason i was able to learn self compassion and how to love myself) but about a month ago I was flooded with very early childhood memories and I think I’ve been able to fuse my ISH with my core and co-habit-ate, I can’t be sure though. It’s super confusing having DID. I don’t have a clue how many alters there are and piecing my life together little by little without any help and isolation is close to impossible. Treatment is expensive and very few professionals even understand this. Also, having DID it’s definitely not like I switch alters with completely different memories immediately after I’m triggered. Most of my alters sort of share some memories. Although, there is an alter that was created when my son was taken by cps (I got him back), we don’t share any memories and I have no idea what the personality is like. I woke up in the mental hospital not having any idea how I got there. The night before I lost about 6 hours staring at the floor, CPS came the next morning to give me information about my son, I had a psychotic break then it was 4 days later and I’m in the ward. I actually had to ask how long I’d been there…then my borderline alter took it from there. I can’t even describe what checking out like that feels like…maybe I can, it’s kind of like blacking out from drinking too much only you’re not drunk, then suddenly waking back up after a long time, as though you were under anesthesia maybe?

[@UniDocs_Mahapushpa_Cyavana]

You may never be able to know all the inner alters, but you can get a great start if you just started listing and detailing every alter you know about (along with your other alters) in a systematic, broken down way. 📹🔗: kzbin.info/www/bejne/sJO6kHpsg5Z9qdUsi=OFZxorKJKbvQGB9L Also, the uncaring alter might be non-human and thus has no unreasoned love for humans and is sick of human general nonsense. Or hyperintelligent with a mad genius 🧑‍🔬 streak. So they might not actually be evil.

[@MattsHardwarechannel]

It’s a damn shame, I have it. It’s so dumb being young and vulnerable leads to a situation like this when you’re not treated well, I hope the best though!!

[@Robertsmith-un5cu]

Psychedelics can help. I knew a woman with serious DID. She did mushrooms with Syrian rue and sometimes LSD and she could map out her memories and altars and hear them all at once. She saw her forgotten memories and reprogrammed her mind.

[@IbarraAlejandro]

​@Robertsmith-un5cu But that makes no sense since there's no cure for DID so how's that possible? 😅 alters can go dormant but they can't be killed even after they go dormant they can also reintegrate again especially the host....

[@felineoverlordservant2419]

@@IbarraAlejandro yeah, that suggestion sounds super far fetched to me too. I can possibly see how professionally assisted psychedelic treatment during EMDR or neuro feedback can help with integrating alters one at a time but alters aren’t separate people talking in my head or taking over, I have to be triggered by something for the switch in my brain to change and each alter is triggered by different events. For example, when my mom needed to be the victim after being abusive towards me and unable to take responsibility for her bad behavior, she would need me to be the villain so during my early teenage years and after years of abusive cycles, my borderline-ish personality was “born”. She holds most of my anger and resentment, and she pretends to not give a shit but it’s a mask, she gives a giant shit and is the most toxic and heartbreaking one of us all. She was created because my core self just couldn’t be a villain, I was way too sensitive natured had way too much empathy. It felt like I was dying every time they were cruel towards me. Now, they’re all me, it’s just my brain is fragmented and each alter personality (or mode) operates using different parts of my brain and stores memories in separate folders, some of which are shared folders, if that makes sense. I also have super mom who was created when I came home from a part time job after trauma treatment (trying to get my life back together), my mom was screaming at my 5 year old autistic son and my dad was screaming at my mom that she shoved a dirty sock down his throat to shut him up. In that moment, super mom was born and did everything she could to be the mom my autistic son NEEDED, not how I needed him to be. I quietly picked up my child, brought him to his room, rocked him and said over and over again “this was not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Mommy will fix this so it never happens again”. Then super mom worked her ass off to get the hell out of our parents house and away from them. I haven’t been her in awhile since we’ve moved out and I homeschool him now (I work from home too and we prioritize self love and emotional health) but she is emotionally mature and is triggered when my son has a meltdown or is in a crisis.

[@dorisw2507]

I wish you were my therapist. I gave up with looking for help

[@djbond6241]

Never,never,never give up LOOKING FOR THE HELP YOU DO DESERVE TO GET.. THAT'S HOW I FEEL. WE DON'T GET TRAUMATIZED OVER NIGHT. WE DON'T GET WELL OVER NIGHT EITHER.. THE RIGHT HELP TAKES TIME TO FIND ...5/17/2023

[@dorisw2507]

I watched this video again 2 months later and almost wrote the same comment

[@clarescott6748]

I am freaking about having a new counselor on Monday. I spoke about my PTSD and nothing about the Dissociation. I want to see if the counselor can see it.

[@NV_SunshineRush13]

I have dissociative disorder and you're exactly, if we are automatically assumed and directly have to go back into to space pushed or feeling rushed, it won't do.

[@denicejackson4839]

Marlene Steinberg MD psychiatrist describes 5 core symptoms of dissociation: amnesia, depersonalization, derealization, identity confusion, and identity alteration. Her SCID-D questionnaire didn't quite fit my personal experience with DID, but it asks questions that are better starting points than most mental health professionals are trained to discuss. Ms. Steele is discussing identity alteration with amnesia with parts that could punish or die rather than expose the wounded child. My current thought is that explaining the 7 defense mechanisms and introducing a modality that normalizes having three levels of parts that are only partly co-conscious like Internal Family Systems or Terry Real's theory is more validating than the more lurid labels of APN/EP in the structural dissociation model. Real's insight that "teenage" parts are actually wounded child projections of an adult is helpful, but his assertion that these parts "cannot learn" is inaccurate; I think what Real is observing is that these teenage parts think therapists are not in touch with the reality of the danger their system is in and are not easily assured that they are no longer needed. I appreciate Ms. Steele and the structural dissociation treatment model of resourcing the client with mental energy and efficiency per Pierre Janet's action model before overwhelming them with processing memories.

[@djbond6241]

Ditto 🎛🎤🥁📲🎼🎶🎙🔊🎹🎸🥁🎤🎼🔊

[@donnabunce1639]

Healing is an experience of coming together in loving compassion and understanding. A wholeness and respect. A love that was always wanted and sought after. My mom was very wounded and unable to provide safe and secure attachment as was my father. No matter my age, education, and status this is what I needed along with neurofeedback. Now I can see who is who and keep myself safe. Finally I feel and sense my own goodness and maturity. I am grateful and continue self-care. 🙏

[@SouthernGothBelle]

I don’t have DID but I have chronic dissociation as a response to trauma. I was afraid of what was happening to me. When something would trigger me I would start to feel like I was in a dream, my surroundings weren’t real, or that I wasn’t real. It was terrifying. I thought I was the only person experiencing this and I was only about 11 years old.

[@Lacey-cz1wu]

🖤

[@age93]

DP/DR isnt just chronicle dissociation. It’s a dissociative disorder itself .

[@SuperDammitGirl]

I have a lot of missing time. Memories since childhood. Time for a while like months and years. It’s scary. I’m trying to learn about this as well

[@SuperDammitGirl]

I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar as well

[@hart_on_fire]

I was abused verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically by my adoptive mother. I realize now that I have dissociative amnesia. I actually remember a lot of the abuse. I dont remember certain friends that I supposedly had, teachers, or conversations. My mother was carrying on about a lady that supposedly would spend the night with me as a kid from church, and how she had seen her and she said to tell me hi. I couldn't remember her at all. I had no recollection of her. I am still friends with some of my childhood friends though. I honestly thought my mother was messing with me for years on the holidays. She would get me the strangest gifts. I finally asked her where she got the idea to buy me this or that. She said that I had mentioned it in passing while shopping. I had no idea what she was talking about. Then some of my friends started saying, "Dont you remember when this or that happened 🤔?" I had no idea what they were talking about either. Its so weird. I do remember spacing out one time in elementary school. A group of us were actually having a therapy session with our counselor. We were supposed to be coloring or expressing ourselves on these color pages she had given us. I apparently started coloring another girls page next to me. I snapped out of it and had no recollection of even coloring on her page. The counselor got mad at me and said I was selfish for doing it. I ran out of the room crying and into the bathroom. The other students in my counseling group came into the bathroom to comfort me. I apologized to the girl but I honestly never remembered doing it or even being aware of it. Ive started to piece things together as a 50 year old woman. However, its took me 45 years to be diagnosed with ADHD. I do believe I have disassociation at times. It doesn't happen enough that it effects my every day life or well being. I suppose I have picked and chosen what to remember and what my brain thought was important.

[@Facts.152]

Don't worry dear. Give me your birthdetails.

[@KaozHealingMagik]

We went in hospital in 2020 & the psych doctor observed the conversation with the social worker, we were talking with British accent for a while then we would ask what are we talking bout or wut wuz ur question, switch from I to we to I saying things like well I don't know or remember that so if sum1 else knows that'd be great as our hand passed the back of head. We got diagnosed with DiD and other things. Ours wuz blatantly obvious. We are also a poly fragmented system.

[@oliviapenelopehope4497]

I have great spatial memory, but pretty bad event memory. I also don't remember most of my childhood (I'm 27). In 2020, I thought I had DID to explain my several states of consciousness (different personalities and feelings states). I have no emotional reaction to traumatic memories. (For a long time, I've been able to turn off my emotions when they get too extreme, whether that be by potentially switching or by dissociation). I don't trust my own thoughts to be my own, as in, I do not know if my feelings are merely absorbing the ideas of others instead of being my own thoughts. I'm whatever others need me to be, but I can't stand doing it. Sometimes it feels like this body is somebody else's, and I was mistakenly given the wheel.

[@oliviapenelopehope4497]

I also don't like to use the pronoun, "I" as it feels incorrect. If I am part of a system, then it only seems fitting that I refer to myself using plural pronouns. It was just as the covid pandemic started that I started feeling like this body wasn't right and my dissociation got worse. It hasn't gotten better, but I distrust those thoughts saying something is wrong much more than I used to. Not that any of this commenting matters, though. This isn't a therapy session, so we'll just be ignoring these thoughts and move on with the day, trying to hold it together. 0-o

[@mxrsh7]

You asking yourself what you really are, because you don't know anything about what your original personality is made of or which of these personalities is really yours. Like a reflection of yourself on multiple mirrors; with each reflection doing their own thing, yet copying or doing some similar movements as the original image. It is comfoundment at its peak.

[@oliviapenelopehope4497]

@@mxrsh7 To some extent, everyone has different personalities, just most are very subtle. Think of the way you act around coworkers vs family.

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

I'm curious how this is different from somebody like me that can't directly access our thoughts, but isn't particularly dissociative. I"m a visual thinker, but I can't see any of the pictures. I can be around and engaged with what I'm doing, but not have any accessible thoughts about what I'm doing. I'm very clearly in the driver's seat as the stuff that I'm doing is appropriate to what I'm wanting to accomplish. For the most part, I'm only slightly dissociated through most of my days due to just the physical discomfort involved with ordinary sensor inputs, and generally remembers things extremely well, provided they're not too repetitive.

[@476f7474]

We have been unsure about whether we have did or not for a few years now. It's confusing and our therapist isn't specialized to diagnose did while we haven't been able to trust any other therapists for a long time now. The switches happen often. Now I am here, not actually remembering having written the beginning of this message but it's more like I'm being in an inside communication with whoever did. We have over the last years established a system and protocols to get to know one another and to work together better towards healing as a system and maybe even fully integrating into one human identity and it's psyche. If that makes sense? Back. I liked the video because you very clearly described signs I could check against and I / we meet them all. Anyways, we have this problem: We are afraid of going out and even much more afraid of going to a mental hospital but also we need help and it would be so great to have someone experienced with the disorder. Though actually, we did progress great with our current therapist. Like if the point is to peel it like an onion, that's really what's happening with us. We already worked through our trauma from what our father did to us which we never really forgot but it was just in plain sight but I had no idea it was that bad. Now, the hidden years, like whatever was before we were 12 or something. Haven't really recovered much yet but we do collectively have sort of internal confirmation that our mother did stuff she really should not have. That's however still for us to fight through before we can let it go hopefully. It's like old me's, frozen in time whenever a traumatic thing was too much. It's like in stories when you have to listen to a ghost's story to allow them to move on - but it's all ghosts of who we used to be. Anyways, one of us just had this idea. Since our therapist is actually doing a good job albeit being inexperienced with the condition, maybe we could go to some day-only mental facility. Help would really be awesome but not sleeping in our own bed, that's bad...

[@lenara4363]

I've been trying to find a therapist that specializes in dissociation disorders. However, I can not find any in my area. I live in the Metro-Detroit area. Any help at all with follow many thank yous and virtual hugs.

[@nicabm]

Hi, I don't have any personal recommendations that I can give, but I can direct you to this database: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Here, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors - specialties, approaches, and methods. Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blogs or free materials and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I do hope this is a step in the right direction and helpful in finding the resources you need.

[@joeprimal2044]

How about a person who with certain triggers suddenly turns from a sweet friendly kind person to mean nasty and hostile, and then turns back into sweet the second the situation is resolved / trigger is removed? And when I say changes instantly, I mean literally in an instant. After it’s over the person acts as if nothing just happened, and later will swear they never did or said the things they said? The person also has a few times gotten panicked when there was a problem and began to act obsessively, continuing to do something over and over even though it wasn’t working and said she was sorry, she could tell she was acting irrationally but she couldn’t stop. Could that be DID? Any idea from anyone?

[@TessVonKaam]

I have cPTSD but relate a LOT to DID… can it feel similar? I have part that clearly talk to me and take the front if triggered but most of the time I am aware of it

[@jessicasmith6938]

Hi, I think I need help. I think I’ve had dissociation for all my life however I seem to be low functioning now whereas before I may have been high functioning and I feel like I may have a protector alter that has taken over. I find it hard to feel and be in my body especially securely attached with people, but anyway I feel like this dissociation stuff has gotten way out of hand and it feels like I’m not living my life

[@user-dz5rr1yr8r]

oh man! exactly😮

[@19battlehill]

Trauma is CREATED for this exact reason.

[@FirefliesMulti]

Other specified, use to be called "Dissociative disorder not other wise specified".(ddNOS) We were dx with this at first, and it was so invalidating as many of the younger alters were so confused. How could they not be specified? did that mean we were an oddball that just didnt' fit into any other category? They were upset that no one was being specific. I mean we had to be either one thing, or another. We couldn't just be some non specific thing! You're correct that dissociating has a bad name, but even more so, more than one personality/identity has a really bad name! and some therapists dont' even believe that it's a real thing. so we were told that DID wasn't a valid diagnosis at all. so what did that make us? invalid? we didn't exist? because a therapist said that calling us by our names would "cement" us in and make our condition worse? how? He just made our condition worse by saying that alters weren't even real! It did so much damage. In his opinion, alters were created by a former therapist putting the idea into our head, and to "people please" we took on the symptoms to appease the therapist. What in the actual..... ? You've got to be kidding me right? this therapist seriously thought that they had that much power over people that they could put some notion into their head and suddenly the person takes on the symptoms? If the above is true... then why can't another therapist, such as themselves, put the idea into our head that it's all made up and we are really just one person. Guess what? despite what they said, we are still multiple people. Therapists, need to be very mindful of what they say to their patients. And how they label them.

[@MissSpaz]

I was recently looking at old medical records and to my shock, I have a DID diagnosis. I thought it was wrong but I do have pretty severe memory issues. People have told me I've said things, done things, and I just say- well, I don't remember but I'm sure you're right. And these aren't little things, they're big events. I don't have alters. I don't have headmates. That all seems like role playing to me, and I don't think those people have DID.

[@hatzbatzsystem]

We went to institution for 1st time in April 2020 and while there, the doctor immediately saw all signs. We have so many and it was so obvious we got the diagnosis. Things were said like, well I rem3b3r at 7 then jumps to 9 then idk. Then conversation would continue and sum1 different would say well wen I wuz 3 then 15. Then 1 would come out and talk about time we got in trouble and has stair trauma and stuck at age 9. And 1 awoke in hospital and wuz 6 and had to be taught and caught up.

[@Everydayheros]

This is big.. this explains narcissistic fully. . .. I wonder if she feels it's spiritual rather than mental.. I'm fully present 24/7 but I notice when my spirit is conflicted but I'm also fully aware so if I'm operating in a negative light such as anger paranoid etc I'm corresponding I'm present I can talk to it and gain control.. but ive witnessed alot of people not remember being present during a very emotional moment like being happy having fun or crying. Like as soon as next Day it never happened to them or they don't remember the emotional part of it even if they remember the event they don't remember how they felt. But most importantly they don't remember themselves the can tell it as if they wasn't there they remember by what others was doing

[@kellyschroeder7437]

God Bless 💞💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💙💞

[@kellyaylorjarrell]

YES, BUt...i have PTSD/D.I.D. And Dr. Said she saw me, "Switching," I thought i was stupid for the past 10 years. 😢😢😮😮😮😮😮 can you make a video about that?

[@Coalminer69er]

I don’t remember anything from 6 and 10 ,is that bad ?

[@ericvelazquez-sanchez5644]

Where does a person go if this is occurring to them?

[@nicabm]

Hi Eric, I don't have any personal recommendations that I can give, but I can direct you to this database: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Here, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors - specialties, approaches, and methods. Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blogs or free materials and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I do hope this is a step in the right direction and helpful in finding the resources you need.

[@BlueHeron654]

ISSTD website has a therapist directory

[@EEEEEEELE]

I have multiple Traumata, dissociation was my only way to cope with daily life. Please after I took B22 shots IV 3 times a week bc I was getting Panik attacks like never before, the dissociation is gone and didn't came back the last 8 years! So maybe you all want to look into this as well. Thiamine high dose treatment helps with fight flight modus, look into Dr. Lonsdale. Lithium orotate (vitamin) can help with depression, PTSD very fast

[@EEEEEEELE]

B12 shots

[@mbybak]

Was this the only thing you changed?

[@IbarraAlejandro]

that's false lmao and you can't be "cured" in a short time... what does a vitamin got to do? There is NO cure for dissociation and alters can not die, so what u talking? They simply go dormant but its always possible to bring them out of dormancy.. in all cases this always happens, and PTSD CPTSD also sadly never goes away..

[@chinookvalley]

I'm wondering if my Silent Seizures are actually DID.

[@sheila9371]

I have amnesia for periods of time throughout my life. I have many gaps.

[@JesusLightsYourPath]

This is a super long comment, I'm sorry. Sometimes I think that I have D.I.D. but I don't think my symptoms are severe enough? I don't remember most of my childhood. I have memories here and there of my childhood but I mostly only remember traumatic parts. My lack of memory has made it difficult to perform well in school (college) because I don't really remember what I have learned. I forget a lot of things but I don't even realize I'm forgetting most of the time, I don't think I have complete amnesia?? I always forget to do important things like turn in an assignment, pay rent, take medicine, I have to set alarms for everything and if it's super important I have to set several alarms for it. But this seems kind of minor to me, I've never really found something I bought without remembering that I bought it. I do forget WHEN I've bought things, I throw a lot of food out because I can't remember if I bought it last week or last month, I used to write dates on stuff whenever I buy it but it's so exhausting to have to do that. Anytime I go to a really stressful meeting such as a job interview or a therapy session I have to write down everything we talk about in a note book as we speak, otherwise my memory will become foggy after I leave and I won't remember everything we spoke about. I've experienced some dissociative symptoms such as my voice changing to a childs voice or a males voice and it feels so foreign to me but I don't know how to change it back. I have to wait for it to change back on its own. I get triggered anytime I experience conflict, it makes me feel terrified but I hide it well, sometimes I have to cry afterwards (when I'm alone) because I almost feel the same way I felt when I was being abused. I tried to be in my first relationship but my feelings with him were so conflicting and confusing. The beginning half of the day would be great, I would feel as though I was happy with him and wanted to be with him but then the other half of the day I would feel numb, like I didn't want any affection from him. I felt so confused but he was very patient with me the whole time. I eventually ended the relationship because I thought maybe I just didn't have real feelings for him. I often feel numb after a traumatic event happens and my brain pushes the memory far in the back of my mind so that I don't really remember it. Thanks if you read the whole thing, sorry if it was all over the place. I worry that if I bring up D.I.D. to a therapist they will automatically say that's not what it is since I'm the one who suggested it.

[@user-qb1qf3jp3z]

Hi, I felt led to read your comment. I as well am broken from not knowing what's happening to me when I switch between having a great outlook in the morning, then by about 3:00, I get into panic mode and anxious anger on my husband who has done nothing to me. I feel like I'm two different people and it's frightening. As well as what you said about your memory, I can so relate to you on that. My forgetting so many important things throughout the day, it effects my family, and my marriage and husband bless his heart just takes my anger because he knows in awhile I will be happy again. I'm also a struggling Christian. I saw your name on here and thought wow a believer in Jesus is also struggling with this. But even that is hard, I feel like a phoney and a hypocrite for my actions that I feel I can't control anymore. I know my message is long too, but I just had to respond. Pray if you can, know that there is hope, I have to tell myself this as well. ❤

[@drewedwards7187]

Doc can we really talk I have a fiance who went through a very traumatic experiences as a little girl and she split and she has about five different personalities and I love her with everything in me I would like you to teach me how to deal and build better memories cuz it seems as though she associates the bad time with me to all the other traumatic events it kind of like ties in but it's not but in her mind set

[@heatherzee4836]

i am going through the exact same thing with my fiance too...its heart breaking

[@myhumansuit]

Can this be disguised in PTSD?

[@lonelycrescendo]

I don't know how I'm going to get through this

[@ab-lp1fb]

U need a safe place. It takes years. First u get meds go sober get housing, then as ur brain relaxes the memories come back. Please journal please record ur voice on the phone. U could definitely bounce back.

[@catalystcomet]

I understand

[@Spectre2434]

❤❤❤

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Said right living head up 💔🥲

[@Coalminer69er]

Could be dangerous being active and not paying attention at the same time.

[@TheWeirdPapyrus95]

wait is it not normal to not remember your life until 5th grade

[@SmallSpoonBrigade]

5th grade is a bit late. IIRC, most people will remember reliably from somewhere between 4 and 8. So, it's probably possible for some people to not remember life until then for other reasons, that would be rather unusual. Personally, I'm on the other end where I start to remember events when I was nearly 3.

[@laurenking9524]

There is the symptom dissociation and a dissociative disorder. And in the Uk people can be qualified to actually diagnose and therefore there are those who don’t…

[@Coalminer69er]

Depersonalization?

[@user-dz5rr1yr8r]

i was in the military and i dont remember my 6 weeks of basic training. the bad thing is that no one believes me.

[@ab-lp1fb]

I never remember why i laugh. It is like hysteria. I know personally i want to be so serious and respectful but there is always irony. Sometimes meds and rests and regular habits bring back the past in dreams and reverie.

[@terhisomersalo8588]

People remember their childhood?😮😂

[@just_heidiii]

This was my thought when I was referred for/heard about DID lol people remember being children?

[@Michael_X313]

Can I email you?

[@nicabm]

sure! [e-mail]

[@laurenking9524]

It’s not just not wanting to be or know those things. People get a specialist who is trained. Therapists get trained or sign post to one who is. Please.

[@djbond6241]

I WAS SPACING OUT VERY VERY VERY MUCH IN GRADE SCHOOL... MY TEACHERS BROUGHT IT TO MY ATTENTION ACTUALLY 😢 I NEVER GOT CORRECTLY DIAGNOSED WITH (* ADHD ,ALCOHOLISM, ADDICTION, AND P.T.S.D. FROM ABUSE IN CHILDHOOD AND ALCOHOLICS AS PARENTS AND MY BROTHERS A DRUG ADDICT AND ALCOHOLIC, & CRIMINAL AS WELL. 😢WE DON'T GET TO CHOOSE OUR FAMILY 😢😢5/29/2023 HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY

[@djbond6241]

THERAPY AND RECOVERY IN ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS MEETINGS AND NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS MEETINGS ARE VERY MUCH LIKE PEELING THE LAYERS OF A ONION! 5/21/2023

[@Abigail-wz8ks]

Can you be my therapist? 😅

[@nicabm]

Hi Abigail, I don't have any personal recommendations that I can give, but I can direct you to this database: www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists Here, you’re able to search for therapists and support groups based on location, and filter through the results based on a variety of factors - specialties, approaches, and methods. Alternatively, I would also recommend that you review some of our blogs or free materials and reach out to our community. Many times, both practitioners and patients will comment on our materials, which may help you with what you are looking for. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, but I do hope this is a step in the right direction and helpful in finding the resources you need.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Bingo 🥲💔🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@ariebirb]

people remember things from before the age of 10?

[@UniDocs_Mahapushpa_Cyavana]

Alters within DID tend to have very obviously different personalities, so it should be obvious most of the time, if you are paying any attention to someone's personality.

[@NyandereDesu]

DID is a covert disorder; most alters know this well enough and will still pretend to be the most prominent alter (host) to others. Most people wouldn't know I have DID if I never told them.

[@sr2291]

A lot of times, they don't front to the therapist. The therapist is hearing about what happened outside of therapy. My therapist once asked Why don't they come out in front of me? I don't know.

[@heuristiclynx]

Often many alters attempt to mask and pretend/act as the host as to not arouse suspicion. For many of us, acting obviously very differently than usual in front of our abusers increases the risk of further abuse and trouble

[@siennaskye_journey]

DID is actually on average a covert disorder. Even in switching- alters will act as much like the host as possible because you’re not supposed to know you have DID. No one is supposed to know. That’s the whole point of the disorder. The majority of people with DID don’t know they have it until they get help- and even then, there’s the major denial/doubt, which is really a symptom of DID as well.

[@cosmingurau]

​@@sr2291exactly. my gf has it, and pretty much the only people who have witnessed the full extent of her DID is me and my mom.

[@maggie0285]

How about just talking to the client and not treating them like a specimen? So what if someone stares off into space for hours? I've seen therapists classify someone as having a bout of amnesia just because they didn't know what the therapist had been talking about while in session. Instead of amnesia maybe the client was experiencing anxiety and couldn't focus. Therapists need to STOP suggesting things

[@Handle70770]

I know, I'm just responding to a one month old echo, but the "so what?" is actually a very big "SO WHAT." "so what if somebody just wastes away while they're in a panic attack begging for help without actually using their voice" is exactly what you just said, "stop suggesting things that could help them out of It" is exactly what you just said. and you, even so what amnesia. I was diagnosed in 2019. My life has been a nightmare that you have chalked up to so what. It makes me feel good, knowing that in a month, no one paid attention to you. you're welcome for being the only one who recognizes that you even exist🎉