Nice Sociopaths, Schizoid Parenting, and Andrew Tate

Dr Kirk Honda answers patron and member questions.
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February 10, 2025
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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[@WitchOracle]

My therapist is pregnant right now and a few months ago she briefly checked with me "I'm really struggling with nausea right now so I have saltines at my desk, is it alright with you if I have some when my symptoms act up?" I don't think I would have noticed if she hadn't mentioned it, but the way she brought it up was still reassuring that it wasn't about me somehow.

[@nullusernamex]

Whenever you talk about schizoid I'm so happy as someone with the disorder. So rarely discussed

[@I_am_not_your_sister]

There's a lady I watched on yt who's a diagnosed psychopath, she's married with a kid and a job. She answers questions seems pretty honest. She's a bit different in her motivation for doing things then say I would be, but the end result seems similar. I certainly wouldn't be afraid of her, she gets her kicks from her job, and seems content with that. I'm not sure if she would have a family if it didn't "look good" for her at work, but since it does she's invested in keeping her family happy. So again the motivation is different, but the outcome is the same. She's probably like you said lower on the spectrum.

[@gmle843]

Patric Gagne. I just started her memoir. It's super interesting. The way she describes her experience makes it seem to me as though she is advocating that the tendency toward sociopathy is simply another form of neurodiversity and that our perspective on it is highly skewed by only ever being exposed to those sociopaths who are very high on the spectrum (because we are only studying those who are in jail, not those who are functioning normally in society). Dr Honda makes the point in this video that sociopaths necessarily have lives that are in disarray, but of course we would think that if we are only studying sociopaths who have been convicted of crimes. It seems like a flaw in the research, doesn't it? but that's just my perspective as a total lay person. She claims she had a very normal happy childhood with great parents and that she was simply born the way she is. Not that sociopathy and autism are in any way related, but it reminds me of how some folks talk about "high functioning" and "low functioning" autism (deeply flawed terms, I know, language around these subjects is tricky- bear with me) There is some contention about whether those who function relatively well in society ought to have a different label than those who are profoundly disabled (and in fact in the autistic community they used to- Asperger's syndrome, which is now swallowed under the umbrella of autism spectrum disorder) because they can present so profoundly differently to the outside world. Similarly, so much of the diagnostic criteria for ASP seem to assume behaviors that are visible from the outside, many of them extremely destructive, arguably to the extent that it is disabling to the individual who is diagnosed. on the flip side, one assumes there are a lot of people who don't appear drastically different from the outside who escape notice or diagnosis (similar to high functioning autism). I think part of the argument for this is, "well, if you aren't disabled by your symptoms then it isn't a disorder. so you aren't diagnosable with anything" but these high functioning folks may still have a profoundly different internal experience than a neurotypical person, their brains may be organized very differently on a physical level, and with less supportive circumstances might have ended up just as disabled by the way their brain functions. Why should we care? Well, maybe we can learn something about how to better support those folks who have these naturally different brains, to the betterment of society as a whole by studying those folks who have an internal experience very similar to those who are much more "obvious" in their symptoms and behavior but who appear "normal". Just because you know how to appear neurotypical to other people does not mean that you are neurotypical.

[@MaxMustermann-zr6kf]

​@@gmle843 there is an overlap in alexithima between autism and npd/spd/psp. Pretty sure people differ genetically on a spectrum of being able to identify emotions in one's own body.

[@Alayhoo]

Dr. Honda, you worry me sometimes when I hear you talk about ADHD and autistic lived experiences. There’s a reason why so many folks, particularly women, are late-diagnosed and it’s because so many clinicians refuse to acknowledge that being autistic DOES change the treatment approach whether they’re coming in for something entirely different or not. There’s a lot more current research literature and books written by clinicians who are actually ADHD and/or autistic that I think could help better inform your perspective than the dominant discourse. In the book The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy by Steph Jones she explains that she wrote the book because of how inadequate traditional therapies are at helping autistic clients with the underlying challenges related to being autistic (e.g. CBT, ACT, psychodynamic, and humanistic therapies). I have a psychodynamic therapist and she’s had to learn and adjust A LOT to take my AuDHD-ness into account. I can’t tell you how many times she’s said that I am the first person to ask for or about a particular thing. And she’s been in practice for over 18 years, did her first 10 years at the VA to become a trauma specialist, and she teaches at the Oregon Psychoanalytic Center. She is the best therapist I’ve ever had, and yet, as her only AuDHD client, it can be exhausting and really disheartening to have to educate your own therapist regularly and have them not understand you on a more fundamental level. It’s more just constant reminders that I’m living in a world not built for disabled folks like me.

[@lavieenlavande]

I love that your playlists and favorite musicians sound so much like my own. For the person who emailed about The Strokes, I was also thinking maybe Franz Ferdinand, Arctic Monkeys, Foster the People, The Black Keys, and Cage the Elephant-I have some songs from those bands in amongst ones with The Strokes and some of the other bands you mentioned.

[@Wonderwhy39]

Thank you dr Kirk :) It is nice to hear your opinion on various topics. I'd love to hear more about self esteem, how it forming on healthy person.

[@takethisduck399]

my last ex was a person that made me believe I'm bipolar then sociopath then a psychopath then a narcissist, etc. Thanks for the videos, I realized I was nothing to that person and this keeps me grounded

[@suras8984]

Im sorry you went through that! Have you ever learned about attachment styles? It could help you navigate dating and learn signs early of people you should not date while also building your interpersonal skills and boundaries to attract a healthy partner.

[@takethisduck399]

@@suras8984 I have not learned about that, but I'll Google that now. Thanks~!

[@takethisduck399]

@@suras8984 I don't know about that, I'll Google it though! Thank you~!

[@fruko1980]

Im a fan of your videos. Thank you for your content

[@amykarnehm3602]

27:43 My therapist asks every time she needs to eat lunch if I mind (she starts at 6am, my appt is at 1 and she has appts all the way through. Granted, I’m a weekly patient for ADHD, etc. but it doesn’t bother me in the least! She’s a godsend to me and my weekly “safe space”. My paid best friend, if you will. I don’t want her to not eat. 😁. I’m sure it depends on the relationship. Shout out to you, Doc, and all the mental health professionals out here! You are truly doing God’s work! ❤

[@klaraaycox8371]

She could also schedule 30 minutes aside, for which she wouldn´t get paid LOL

[@amykarnehm3602]

@ lol that too, but that’s not her. She wouldn’t eat if it bothered me. She’s been a lifesaver for me.

[@mwhite4572]

Oooo Pink Moon by Nick Drake. I forgot all about that. Thank you. Elliot Smith, too!!

[@Tomiswizard]

Royksopp mentioned!? They’re one of my husband’s absolute favorites. It’s funny because I hadn’t heard them in yearsss before we had started dating, not since the geico caveman commercials.

[@jackyyrag]

Those bands really took me back to my youth lol

[@truckmountgirl]

I think nice psychopaths/sociopaths make excellent emergency responders, police, fire, ambulance/paramedics, ER doctors/personnel, and other careers that require a cool head in extremely stressful and emotional situations. For the not-as-nice, but not serial killer types, careers in politics, business and finance, and law/litigation may be good fits. I do believe there is a spectrum and the majority will find a useful and productive way to leverage their particular personality to turn a negative into a positive. I am a schizoid myself and while i have deep empathy and love for humanity...people just tire me out on a one to one basis if they want a deeper relationship, and emotions especially the highs and lows, are just something i don't experience. My husband died suddenly at 39, leaving me with 4 kids, the youngest just 4. I never did cry, or become depressed. I just did what i needed to do to take care of my kids. People always called me very strong, independent, resilient, stable, stoic, fearless and level-headed. I always considered my personality a positive, I just enjoy being alone and not having drama or emotional rollercoasters, or fear and anxiety. Then I sought treatment for overeating and it was suggested to me that i may be schizoid and it was not a positive trait, but rather a disorder. Lol, what a letdown! I think few schizoids seek treatment because we don't feel there is a problem.

[@eshyr]

For any guy who doesn't want to fall down the Tate or Petersen rabbit hole but is seeking positive male affirmation online, I suggest you look up Mr Jason Wilson. He's a strong male figure who teaches self discipline mostly.

[@trust.honesty]

Remember the majority of data from psychopathy/aspd comes from the most demented caught individuals. They can have happy families albeit with weak empathy.

[@gmle843]

what are you thoughts on Patric Gagne's memoir and youtube video? She adds a lot of nuance to what she calls the "spectrum of sociopathy"as a diagnosed sociopath herself as well as a clinical psychologist. If you're planning to do a deep dive on the subject I really hope you'll touch on her thoughts. Maybe a reaction video to her youtube video could be really cool as well.

[@TAMMYJORD]

THE POINT IS FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND OVERALL KIND PEOPLE GET TIRED ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO FREELOADERS

[@h8a1c3]

Diabetic here. Sounds like she's using a cgm. If she's worried about being distracted during session she could look at her bg right before each session and take that sip if she's 80ish to avoid the crash. Either way, I don't think it's a big deal and I wouldn't hesitate to see a therapist with t1!

[@klaraaycox8371]

That´s what I thought. Also, juice is not the healthiest choice.

[@suras8984]

I feel like my ex was a nice sociopath. Top of is career can fire people with no remorse. Selfish in business deals; did not care if it screwed the other person over. But will help a stranger on the street will help anyone that asks for help. Would help so many people that it interfered with him being a father to his daughter who would repeatedly petition for his attention. He would ackowledge her concerns but still not change. He would give romantic gifts.But did not allow me to really get to know him. He lacked a LOT of depth. Could not really hold a deep conversation.

[@haileyoslund]

To the T1D: get a pump if possible! That way the pump will automatically balance your blood sugar. :)

[@DresGarB]

If you like Tame Impala you might like Melody's Echo Chamber, specifically the self titled album.

[@ramiebecker1]

Have you ever done a cover of Robyn's "Hang with Me"?

[@RaymondJiang444]

Not to (as you always say) diagnose from afar, but the way you describe your impatience does kind of seem ADHD-coded. Theoretically, I think dyslexia and ADHD can frequently co-occur, though I don't necessarily have any research on that.

[@haileyoslund]

41:10 I wonder if a good example might be someone like Trisha Paytas. I’ve scrolled past so many drama articles and videos referencing her but I mostly only watch her asmr videos and those are calm and sweet so I don’t know in-depth about all the drama. I could see someone questioning why I watch those.

[@alexhayden7599]

37:01 he asks about andrew tate

[@suras8984]

Do you think that is the psychology behind Chris Watts? Everyone that knows him said he was a nice calm person. But due to his psychology of a potential sociopath when faced with committing an affair and conflict between his wife and family his problem solving skills were sociopathic and led to familicide? Do all nice sociopaths have murderous potential due to their psychology even if they are nice?

[@andreaberg1735]

Can you make something about O. J. Simpson?

[@WitchOracle]

Check the playlist "the psychology of" I think there's an episode there from 2016 on OJ

[@Chromebiscuit]

Hitler had valid economic insights and was a charismatic leader, you can’t just "filter out" the parts about racial superiority and genocide. When people claim that men can appreciate Andrew Tate’s views while "filtering out" the misogyny-and present this as a centrist stance, this must be contributing to the normalisation of misogyny. His entire worldview is built on the belief that women’s primary value lies in sex, that their labour and bodies exist for men’s exploitation, and that this is something to aspire to. Some ideologies are fundamentally harmful, and attempting to cherry-pick from them only helps to normalise their core message. I respectfully disagree with this POV Dr K

[@takethisduck399]

👍