“ARE YOUR STANDARDS TOO HIGH?” EP.83

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EP. 83) “ARE YOUR STANDARDS TOO HIGH?”
Do High standards protect you from low quality experiences or do they keep you out the game altogether? That was the question of the day! What we learned is people often declare their standards without considering what they have to offer and are they creating a realistic standard for not only the person they are looking to partner with but their self!Not wanting to settle is being clear on what you want- but also what you have to offer. Which led us to the question is there a difference between standards and principles? That answer was yes! Standards you can compromise on… principles you usually can not and should not.
Finally we have an exercise for anyone left with questions after this episode. Put your list of all that you want and want to see in a person from physical, emotional, financial, mental and spiritual attributes. Then add the attributes of a person that you honestly would expect to see alongside this type of person. Then you ask yourself, would you make the cut? If not, wherever you see blaring holes and differences in each example that’s where you yourself can improve.
Healthy standards = Healthy expectations
Brain storm on this:
Would you rather settle or be alone?
Make sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed this episode!
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🚨Check out the full episode on KZbin and all streaming platforms {NICEANDNEATTHEPODCAST}🚨
🥃🥃🥃 Drop that if you’re tapped in
@duke @omar.bolden @just.Jalon
Intro song: @xaroc__ - Pledge of Allegiance

[@tundeoshikoya131]

Love the episode. Being single may have its lonely moments but there is nothing more lonely than being in a relationship with someone who isn’t “right” for you.

[@josine10]

Being alone and being lonely are different. You get so much peace and clarity of your standards when you're alone. When you're "lonely" is when I see people settling/rushing into relationships that they have no intentions of nurturing.

[@kaylad1669]

💯💯

[@terrymartin1660]

Totallly agree! Well said.

[@carolinedolin6241]

Well said

[@katherinedanielle]

I feel like people confuse standards and preferences and that’s where it gets blurred and feel too high. Standards should be what you need in a partner and preferences are what you want in a partner.

[@Africanmovies4me]

I agree, I would love if they did a part 2 detailing the difference between preferences and standards and also included a woman's perspective (maybe a relationship expert or life coach)

[@sammywilliams6]

@@Africanmovies4me men need to learn from men not from a women..there’s too many women perspectives on this topic on KZbin sorry 😂💯

[@katherinedanielle]

@@Africanmovies4me I think it would be interesting to hear about this topic from a woman’s perspective

[@katherinedanielle]

@@sammywilliams6 I doubt this podcast only resonates with men so I think it would be helpful to the women who listen as well

[@allthingsjoy4049]

80% of what you want 20% of what you need.

[@katherinedanielle]

I think people’s standards are more unrealistic than too high

[@kendrick8749]

Thank you lol. And the two are not the same.

[@LofiSamurai11]

How are they different if I may ask? Not doubting it or arguing it but It's my first time seeing this perspective and I like learning new perspectives on these topics

[@katherinedanielle]

@@LofiSamurai11 I feel like why wouldn’t you have high standards? I feel to have high standards is to have standards beyond average or bare minimum. Now unrealistic standards can be like expecting your partner to be perfect, it’s cool to want someone that’s on their sh.t but it’s unrealistic to expect that 24/7. Hopefully that made sense.

[@LofiSamurai11]

@@katherinedanielle hmmm okay I can agree with that. I definitely think it makes sense. I think it's an interesting take bc now it makes you think about what high standards actually are. I really agree with Omar that your standards can often be a reflection of how you view yourself so they probably should be high. For the sake of discussion, however if you're willing to indulge me lol, from your perspective what are some examples of high standards that you have for a potential partner?

[@kcemone4392]

My thoughts exactly!

[@heyerikan]

I really enjoy when Omar asks questions :) so genuine and gets into the inner corners of things

[@mj.tierghana8454]

Jalon is so intelligent and so articulate that I think he is any ones standard. As soon as he is done speaking, we can literally end the show. Intelligent men!!!!! Give it to me all day!!!!!

[@briannaberry6607]

I’m with Jalon on being alone (not lonely) rather than settling. Why purposely make my life & someone else’s life miserable? That opens up the door of temptation as well.

[@deborahpaku5956]

Duke is an African man fr 😭 reminds me of my father. Very matter of fact, I respect it.

[@Momdrogynous]

Jalon is responsible to choose single over settling. Omar brought up how miserable it would be, I respect that Jalon’s stance was I’d rather be miserable alone than bring someone into MY misery. There aren’t enough singles who feel that way, sadly. Which is why it feels there are plenty singles who are “settling” and bringing innocent bystanders into their misery. That’s quite irresponsible. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. If you’re miserable in your own company imagine how that reflects who you are as a partner. Great episode gentlemen. 🥂

[@mariibabyy]

I loved Jalon’s take on this episode. Especially when they were talking about being alone or settling and he mentioned you can level up. Everything in your life is a reflection of you. If you aren’t getting the results you want, you have to look at yourself & do the work so you can get those results.

[@roea7846]

I agree a lot with Omar on this one. We should never tell people to lower their standards, but I get the other points of view. Great conversation.

[@Leeeiggh]

We need to first establish that most people don't have standards, they have expectations. Which makes what Jalon said in the beginning correct. People have low to no standards and unrealistic expectations. I also don't like how materialistic and physical stuff are recognised as standards before good qualities and good character

[@kaylad1669]

Y’all gotta hit the mono on the interface for the mics… it’s only playing on the left side in my headphones for more than one video I’ve clicked on 😅

[@karinaestrada9373]

Am I the only one that can only hear them through one airpod/ headphones on their videos?

[@santiagoskywalker]

Dating in LA and modern dating is definitely unrealistic. Duke hit it on the nose. Theres no room for mistakes when dating or the talking stage. People EXPECT perfection and keep it moving when people arent perfect. Huge lack of communication these days combined with too many options and unrealistic standards of others.

[@heyerikan]

I get Omar and Duke in the beginning but I like Omar’s point most because I think most people’s self image is very low and so their standards aren’t full evolved because they haven’t. Thanks gentlemen.

[@Gingerdesiree_]

I love when y’all all laugh at the same time 😂 31:20

[@sonjadf47]

Some men believe that when they “settle”, they didn’t get what they felt they were entitled to. A lot of men want that beautiful, young woman and women want the six-figure earning man; both superficial. What they don’t understand is that they are not settling, but God has given them what they NEED and not what they WANT.

[@taranikahurt2479]

I would love to see the dialogue between y’all and Steve Harvey. Speaking that into existence. Great job gentleman!!!

[@ShyiaRobinson]

I believe the reason some ppl don’t get the person they want is bc they don’t believe they’re worthy to a certain degree. If you aren’t getting what you want and aren’t willing to settle, then it’s important to do some subconscious work to figure out why you don’t feel worthy. And a lot of the time the love and money is connected; so do you feel worthy of making money and being in love? Makes perfect sense why these gentlemen are doing well in both categories 😊🙏🏽 amazing job fellas!! 🫶🏽

[@JayJay999_92]

Great episode as usual guys. This encompasses the male mindset of being afraid to end up alone and how it’s weaponized against women. I enjoyed the male perspective however a lot of women watched the older women in their lives settle instead of being alone. Even watch their peers settling now. Hence, their reaction being opposite of O’s. Women usually cultivate long lasting platonic friendships that offer a bond and community for them. I wish this question has been posed : “ How would you feel if you were knowlingly the person someone “settled” for? “ Keep up the great work. I’m an avid listener.

[@solelysol.lifestyle]

It's the attachment for me. Settling is just you being afraid of facing yourself and standing on who you say you are. Loneliness is painful but never worth the price of abandoning yourself.

[@Thelocksa102]

Man duke stay on point. I’m 5’5 250 these woman I chase are way beyond my league! I am down 20lbs my head getting big! 😝 the beer belly slowly going down! My standards too high!

[@DyamandTheGem]

Congratulations on joining Revolt y’all!!!!!

[@reginaiyahhodge1704]

the way Duke said “picking up the phoneee” 😂

[@rokiatoudiaby7079]

I can hear Omar and Duke on the opening question: 1- I belive the standard Omar was talking about was the one about what we expect from ourselves, if you don’t value you, you then don’t put yourself in high value situation and or don’t expect hight value from yourself 2- Duke point is more about what we expect from others!

[@limitlessinsight6275]

Jalon be spittin! 🔥🔥

[@Christian900]

People need to work to get who they want, so our standards is enough, we just need to work to get who we want, to offer what we want

[@DiscoveringJermeisha]

I think love is settling at some point. Nothing stays the same. But there is some things that you should require, just period.

[@AlexisR_]

This was a good episode! 21:16-22:29 and 30:22-31:18 was thought-provoking!

[@jadamiller6157]

Being a lone and lonely is two different things. Settling can cause bitterness, misery, regret, heartache, etc. It may be good in one aspect but cause havoc in other spaces.

[@queennyla1]

Jalon - “What you hate?” 😂

[@aarthur228]

Def will rather be alone then to settle, life can be really miserable with the wrong person. I enjoy my own company lol; settling will make you miss your person.

[@Miss5MT]

Duke never misses! Greeat points made

[@Delonta1221]

27:04 when I think “settle” I think “compromise” so it’s a little different. Give up something to gain more in another area.

[@kylacohenlesley6527]

Real friends would accept the constructive criticism about their standards being too high as well. If they don’t accept that then idk if they gonna make it far. Ppl have to understand being open-minded, leaving space mentally for new opportunities or relationships with ppl outside of their comfort zone is exactly how you find the right person too. You have to be open to receiving in order to actually receive. Edit: lol I didn’t realize duke was gonna say that but I agree with him 😭.

[@comeclowe]

33:19 TORE ME UP LMAO 🤣

[@reecyvlogs6874]

Jalon's take was so perfect in this episode

[@aliyahcruz2710]

What is the song at the beginning of the video?

[@tallulahdozier]

Oh no, here we go 🙄😅

[@Jess2b_fit]

In the question of settling vs. remaining alone, ask yourself why you’re so uncomfortable being by yourself.. if you can’t be comfortable with yourself how is it fair that the person you want to be with has to settle for that incomplete version of you? And vice versa. Work on leveling yourself up to be the best version of yourself and somewhere along the way you will naturally attract someone of equal quality, if that is what God intends for you. Both of my parents (recently) died “alone” (as in not in a relationship.) And they were each happier and had far more peace in their lives than many of those that have settled in unhealthy, or toxic and abusive relationships. Work on yourself. And go after what you want.

[@beu2543]

My grandpa recently lost my Grandmother. He is 72. Imagine what life is like for him and what do you say to that. Most ppl his age don’t want to get back into the dating scene.

[@paulbanza45]

Shoutout you guys A man from africa, thanks u for your Good influence, God bless u all 🇨🇩

[@ngozikim]

You can never find solace in an unsettling situation. Settling is truly disrespecting your existence in my honest opinion.

[@andremoses6128]

Great conversation as usual

[@briannaberry6607]

There’s a mixture those who have high standards and some who don’t. One problem is that some people aren’t focused on growth and self-improvement throughout life. Some people will be the same person w/ the same mindset from 5+ years ago. That’s when you get lonely people who settle in misery to not look alone.

[@kdot96ix]

I try not to expect because that’s how I get upset. I expect a lot from me and that’s always how it’s going to be.

[@oliviablakey561]

Standards are also part of how we are raised … for me it can be hard when I’m dating men and they aren’t able to provide like how I was brought up … lol

[@informedpolishbythepolishe6913]

“Make sure your personally meeting the standards your requiring”

[@courtsjournal5608]

Jalon 👏🏽 👏🏽 👏🏽

[@All_things_Mo]

O really diluted that for us “I’m not gonna be alone” either. Let’s adjust together then live happily ever after

[@keys8885]

O just made a great point about not being alone b/c I was agreeing with jalon

[@yulnikita]

Good content I think you guys would really benefit from getting the sound to be loud and clear on a consistent level

[@WhenSaraiSpeaksUListen]

Whew.. this is real.

[@Love_Lacie]

Great discussion!

[@patientv]

Here lies a key difference between men & women... I hear men say this all the time... They can't be alone... So, they settle but I gotta wonder about the woman? Or did we assume she is settling too? And why is being alone so scary to men? Eventually someone gonna die (alone) first... So if its the woman, then you just settle for another? My g-pa died 30years b4 my G-ma..she never remarried.. My uncle's wife died, he was remarried within 9mnths. Two males neighbors same thing... It's like women are the rib that is easily transplanted... All so Adam isn't alone"...... Maybe that's why there are 12 ribs, the one you loose don't matter that much.... Says the non-settling, High standard alone 40+yr old rib

[@deebrown2016]

Wow, opened my eyes. Good point.

[@comeclowe]

27:55 THAT PART

[@iyanaray9458]

People are settling

[@Sunch.x]

I think people don't have high standards because they're not doing the shadow work on themselves first to attract the healthy high standards they want in another person

[@ih9286]

What with the sound only coming out of one ear?? It’s happened more than once as well. Or is it just me

[@crystalrubbie9383]

i really dont believe ppl have high standards enough cuz babyy when your standards are high there is alot of shit you will never allow happen or slide PERIODTTT

[@Africanmovies4me]

I also think its worth discussing whether peoples standards/preferences are reasonable whether or not they can "achieve" them in a country where the divorce rate is around 50%. Maybe you get the 6 figure and 6 ft tall dude or the model who "submits", does that translate longterm into a lasting relationship/marriage?

[@SpeshialKae]

I think the word settle has an unnecessary negative connotation to it. Every one settles in one way or another, maybe compromise would be a better word. But I do agree that people have expectations of partners that they don’t meet.

[@Theeadrienb_]

I think some of the comments are super out of touch or lying to themselves when you're up there in age and your life can be snuffed out at any moment, someone to talk to could make a big difference. Ive heard to many stories of people dying by themselves and no one knowing for months, having to shovel them off the floor.

[@Christian900]

There’s a difference between people’s standards and preferences People’s standards get mistaken for their preferences That when I believe your standards are too high

[@deshawn0228]

Are you everything you’re asking for in a person?

[@StArc0De_Ari]

Very helpful info guys I actually took this into perspective and realized a lot about my friends/acquaintances. Much thanks ❤

[@keys8885]

13 minutes in I just noticed 40 minutes?!??!

[@NiceAndNeatThePodcast]

😂😂😂

[@misshun1933]

Please fix your sounds guys ❤️🙏🏾

[@LOVEKNAURA]

“You allowed your blessing to be elusive. This was created FOR YOU. But now that you’re the creator in your head, of what the situation is supposed to look like, you’re not even able to receive it.” “The longevity of your life is not gonna be what you think it’ll be because you’re gonna be lonely.” I think settling could be a good thing. You never know what someone could add to your life if you never give them the chance. All because it didn’t show up how you expected it. At the end of the day, it’s gonna come to either settle or be alone. & who the fuck wants to be 70 and alone?

[@consistantlydre]

What if you reach that standard but and now you want to reach higher

[@shilanx]

great topic! Until we as humans stop to think about long term like when you age … sheesh that’s when it hit you. 🎯nothing matters when you think about sickness and death.

[@AR-oy1qy]

I can see yall never been with someone who makes you miserable.. I'll pick alone Being alone and lonely are different things .. there is more than romantic love, some days you have to take love from who's given it friends family.. you can lose a partner, then what?

[@sonjadf47]

You young men are more wise than my 60+ counterparts. They are dating women you all should be dating and they have children OLDER than you guys! Of course, none of these young women date them more than once or twice-just long enough to get some money from his social security check. So as a single senior, never married and no children, being my own best friend is the best I can do, so I date myself! I go to concerts, pro football games, etc. at will.

[@mmmafia142]

God created us.... Gods standards are high.... Ephesians 2:10.... Wen Standard start being high....then....things are being addressed correctly..... Holiness.... Holy. Matrimony. Is. High....Standards..... I want to be the best.... Ephesians 2:10... as well as. I want my. Husband and children to be the best..... Ephesians 2:10.... God also says youre his. Chosen. Priesthood ..... That's. The. Highest. Standard.... 1 peter 2:9..... Put in the work with your. Wife ...and. Children.... Do ...it with your hands ....make your family. Be. Your. Standards..... Galatians 6:9.... Y'all can do it..... Philippians. 4:13....

[@mmmafia142]

Traditions will have you feeling ...a certain way ... Generational curses will have you feeling a certain way.... Society....social media....the process of accomplishing wat you want.....will have you feeling a certain way..... But. God... But. Scriptures.... Will. Have. You. Feeling.... and. Being.....Powerful...... Believing......and. Willing ...to. Do ....wat needs to be done..... Righteously......and. God. Blessed. Us. With. Our. Desires ......read. A scripture.... Taste. And. See how. Good..... God....Word .is..... Google.....GOCC.......and listen......just listen.......God will do. The. Rest......

[@ammm518]

I disagree with the definition given to standards. I guess there are preferences like physical appearance, financial background, family background and so on whereas standards on the other way are how you expect to be treated, and the attitude of respect that you’ll expect so you shouldn’t lower them. Preferences are made dealbreakers and standards jump out the window it became shady. Preferences= too high and standards= too low?

[@mmmafia142]

Acknowledge the. Lord and he will. Make your path straight........ google the scripture......and find out.... and keep it ....know ...it.....believe. It.....

[@mmmafia142]

God. Created. Man ...in HIS image.... and. Crested.....woman..... To be good company.... and good help...... This is wat were all suppose to do......as. Brethren. and sisters..... Fellowship.... Encourage each other.... Build.....each. Other.....into. The. Best..... Gods. Best.... Ephesians 2:10.....