Why I Gave Up My Game Dev Dreams...

[@GMTK]

Hey - thanks for sharing your story. Sorry to hear you had to go through that but glad to hear things are better now - and pleased to hear that GMTK Game Jam has played a small part in your renewed interest in game dev! Keep it up!

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks Mark! I do feel like the game jam was the thing I needed to get back into it... Hopefully I'll be able to take part again next year and be able to make something better!

[@jackellis6550]

I think you’d be surprised how relatable this is. Not just for game devs but the feeling of being totally lost in life, depression, burn out.

[@Iamjake1000]

We all want that escape.. I d been busy from 7:30am till 9pm . Then I open unity.. in burnt beyond belief.. but I keep dreaming and going back to it :/

[@xr.spedtech]

I have to code often or else i would freak out. Personally, The only burn out i have is with gaming and movies. I never understand you people.

[@the9thinning1]

i appreciate you being open about stuff like this

[@user-darkodbd]

What I learned from 10 years experience as a game dev: - You can't force/rush creativity - If you can't come up with a unique game idea think about your top 3 favorite games and try to combine them, this works surprisingly well. - Fun > Producitivity. What helps you the best productivity if you quit and never finish the game? - DON'T pollish everything at the end, I can tell you it hurts to just pollish for months straight... Do it step by step after prototyping . - People love to watch your progress. Use a blog/youtube to show your potential customer what you are doing right now. - To make Games takes twice as long as you think.

[@SeriousGamer-pi7kw]

Great Advice! Creativ work is allways very challenging because Creativty is generally not meant to be used like work. Its allways best to learn from more expierenced people in the same field especially in creative fields. There are just so many hole along the way you can fall into and "waste" literally all your lifetime.

[@Cooldadder]

This is one of the realest videos I've seen on KZbin in years. I think you just helped inspire and give a lot of people hope that things can and will get better.

[@alexevaldez]

When youre a senior in this industry, due to realism you'll realize dreams and childlike wonder becomes rarer and rarer the older you get. I treasure moments when people show me something and I can feel the passion and excitement. Watching your video is one of those moments that really makes me happy.

[@kalebdison6976]

This has been a very inspiring story to watch. I have so many unfinished projects from books, to games, to art projects. I have to remind myself that the real joy is in the making, not in if it is a success or not. I wish you luck in the future, and you have 1 guaranteed customer for all your future projects!

[@OnionFestival-si7tr]

you’re wrong. The joy IS in the finishing and subsequent success. Try it. People who tell you otherwise are losers.

[@TheInternetIsDeadToMe]

What a wonderful video. My youth was very similar to yours. I was constantly drawing and creating ideas for games. I eventually studied animation at university and struggled to get work afterwards. I always felt a bit disappointed that I never achieved the things I wanted to, but was also rather proud of at least trying. I always felt my uni course was a bit haphazard and not really well put together. A lot of the software we used (flash etc) was out of date by the time we had finished. I managed to get some placements after uni, but it cost me more to get to the jobs than what I would get paid. I went through quite a dark period. Keep up your awesome work. You’re a talented person and seeing you push through and compete something because you genuinely love it is truly inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. I relate so much to your story.

[@thepotatoduke1948]

As i am approaching graduation, i am afraid of having to go through similar stuff. I have always liked games too, and tried to make games. But game industry seems the least stable option in terms of software engineering domains. About 3 years ago i attended a game jam with friends but it was a disaster (it was one of those where you were supposed to be physically there, they said they would provide food , it turned out to be just a piece of bread for a whole day, and food we ordered did not come for a long time, some other stuff happened too...). It left a bad taste in my mouth about game development but as time went on, i wanted to try game dev again. I am supposed to make a graduation project, i asked if it was possible to make games for this and was said if it was "technically complex" enough they would allow it. Now i can try and make one, but am afraid of wasting a year to game dev when i could be learning things about much more stable career paths like enterprise application development. Every time i remotely think about game dev, i am bombarded with content and posts like this and it scares me. Anyways, thank you to anyone who reads this.

[@laroldsjubilantjunkyard]

Good video. I dabbled in a lot of the same things. I remember Flash. That was my first Game Dev love. I was also super upset when it ended.

[@MattRoszak]

Game dev here! While it's turned out well for me, that's definitely pretty rare. Most jobs in the industry treat you very poorly, and if you're an indie, your chances of making more than zero money are pretty low. I guess it's pretty similar to doing KZbin - you only hear about the success stories, and not the 95% of people who don't make it, and luck also plays a huge role even if you're talented. So my advice is basically to treat it as a hobby if you want to do it.

[@artdjesus6267]

This is so inspiring to see your family support you with your ideas like that. That kind off support is rare for aspiring gamedevs.

[@andyschannel687]

Very relatable, although I've never had a panic attack. I do have so many regrets over all my unfinished game projects.

[@KnightRiderDDR]

This video reminded me of when EricTheCarGuy (an youtuber) was building his Ford Fairmont putting in a Mustang engine and making it a sleeper car. At one point he had to weld a rollcage and this proved to be too much for him and since he was already burnt out he was on the verge of giving up despite puttung so much work into the project. Then some fans showed up and helped him out with the rollcage and this little push managed to give him enough momentum to finish the project (as much as a project car can be finished). My point is when you hit a wall while doing a project on your own and just want to give up, maybe, just maybe, it is not a bad idea to reach out for help. People don't have to finish your project for you, sometimes just a little bit of help from others is enough to get you over the hump and set you on your way to the finish line. Also don't expect the first few games you make to be good ones. But as someone once wrote "If you are not able to finish a bad game, you will never be able to finish a good one either."

[@erneststackhouse1133]

i had an panic attack 24 years ago & know how much that stays with you through out the years. Glade you shared this video as i have managed to live stress free since my attack & i'm glade to hear your not putting release dates on Super Donuts it will get done on YOUR time. i use to be a firefighter & the most important thing i learned from them was to keep yourself safe before helping others. As you can't help anyone if your not around. So your health is #1!!! Takes guts to make a video like this, keep up the good work!

[@RetroBreak]

So glad to hear you've not had to go through the panic attacks since then! Thanks, and happy you enjoyed the vid!

[@Coestar]

Appreciate your story here very much, it's very familiar to me. I had (and have) similar ambitions and ran into my own set of similar problems. You've done more than I have in that you've at least released a game haha. You should be proud of just seeing it through, but I know how it defeating it feels to pour so much effort into something that ultimately doesn't go anywhere. I've also done the same exact wandering from tool to tool hoping that something would click (learning Godot now lol). Sounds like you're on a much better track today and hearing your story has been encouraging for me as well. Good luck with your projects!

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! Good luck with your projects too! Godot seems like a great engine, excited to learn more!

[@himasf]

Wasn't sure about the video length when I clicked on this but I'm so glad I watched the whole thing. Thanks for sharing!

[@RetroBreak]

Glad you thought it was worth the watch! I was worried it was a bit long, but there was a lot to talk about!

[@sienihemmo]

I fully came into this video expecting a downer, but I thought that I might need it to temper my own expectations. I don't follow your channel but the video got recommended by KZbin when I was watching gamedev videos in general. However, I'm really glad things have worked out for you and I hope that in the future you have more success than you originally had with Super Donuts.

[@RetroBreak]

Glad you decided to watch the video :) are you making a game? Good luck if so! As for whatever I make next, I’m not setting any expectations, so as long as I’m happy with whatever it ends up being, it doesn’t matter if it’s successful or not :) I have this channel to worry about being successful! 😅

[@Divisionlo]

Thank you so much for making this video. I've never wanted to be a game dev but you'd be surprised how much this story translates to other mediums. I've been working on a comic off and on for years and it's so difficult to stay motivated and make consistent progress without anxiety and fear that I'm not good enough/the project will never be finished overtaking me. It was really nice to see someone else's story from the very early days to now and see how I'm not alone in these experiences. Thanks again. PS, super excited to see Super Donuts is coming back, I only recently found your channel in the past week or two and have been binging videos, so I've seen in a few others that it existed but is no longer around and have been disappointed that it's gone. Excited to give it a try once it's out.

[@RetroBreak]

Thank you! I feel like any of the creative videos and stories I’ve seen are all interchangeable. It’s good to know that everyone struggles to make something they truly care about! Glad you found the channel, and don’t give up on your comic! :D

[@damikki]

Pot Noodle, Chocolate Fingers and of course the can of Energy drink. Well it looks like you have all of the programmers major food groups covered LOL. I am a developer for a local university and although I very much enjoy my job, I always wanted to get into game development myself. One day I will sit down and make a game but I am so busy and a gamer that it will have to wait until I retire LOL. Thanks for sharing your life with us the good and the bad. I wish you every success in your future game making endeavours. I wish I had known you when you were starting out, I was one of those bedroom coders and would love to have had a padwan learner to teach and code with, you sound like someone I would get along well with.

[@RetroBreak]

That was my mistake all these years, not just living off pot noodles and Monster... wait... actually that was my diet at Uni! 😅 Thanks for watching, I would have loved to know someone like you who would be willing to sit down and discuss coding with me, would have been very helpful!

[@Killysunt]

Good video, I've had the same sort of thing happen with other creative outlets & likewise after dropping them, they end up coming back later on in life when things feel right again

[@chadzero]

Man I bought dark basic as well with the same idea as you, I thought "man this is it, I can make games!" That also obviously didn't pan out. Your story behind unfinished projects and dreams when we are younger I think really connects with people. Thank you for opening up about your mental state, a lot of people don't realize that behind all the videos that they make, that everyone is human. I think this is your best video yet - I feel like you excel in talking about your experiences, makes for a more engaging video. I reckon you should start doing more retrospectives, but more on your experiences in gaming that isn't Top 10s but more so, reminiscing about years gone or how you can connect a situation in your life to a game that you played at the time.

[@RetroBreak]

Thank you, glad you enjoyed the video! Yeah, Dark Basic was really unapproachable for anyone who wasn't already an expert programmer! I really wasn't sure if anyone would care about my personal story compared to the usual game lists! I'm quite surprised by the response so I'll definitely try and make more like this if I can think of the right topics :)

[@daved8070]

Thanks for sharing your journey. Whilst I have sadly left now, I spent about 15 years in the games industry. As a note to others, you don't necessarily need to have snagged your dream role to enjoy the industry. Studios need none game dev roles too e.g. IT, HR, web developers, QA etc. Though absolutely don't give up on your dreams either! Also, once you're in, its often easier to get the role you wanted. I joined as QA wanting to be an artist and ended up a programmer 🤷‍♀️ Finally, designers usually don't require much programming skills, they use the tools developed in house.

[@KidLudens]

Hey dude! It was nice to meet you in person yesterday at London Comicon. I'm glad you're in a better space & you've rekindled your passion to make games again. You do a great job with the channel, and you've introduced me to a lot of hidden gems on a bunch of consoles, so thanks dude. Keep creating, & don't ever give up on your dreams, they're far too important to let go of. All the best!

[@RetroBreak]

Nice to meet you too! Glad you found time to watch the video :) I’ll keep trying my best!

[@suitNtie22]

I find your journey is relatable to so many aspiring devs. I'm so glad you decided to do a game jam! I am being 100% honest when I say Game Jams really are like medicine to aspiring devs. They allow for the first solid momentum of FINISHING a project and I find it really boosts confidence. best of luck to you in the future!

[@RetroBreak]

Thank you! I really did love doing the game jam! I've done a few before but always as a small part of a larger team, but this was the first time on my own, so being able to actually do everything in the time limit and release something playable was a massive confidence boost, and has probably solidified Godot as my engine of choice to try and make something in the future

[@luckyknot]

I releate a lot wit your storry. I´m 46 yo and attempting my first commercial game after prototying small stuff that went nowhere. I have experienced lots of anxiety, partly springing from a past job experiences, and for pushing myself too hard. We love games and we should appreciate what we do, even if it´s uncomplete prototypes, as we are learning new things. I understand your frustration... it´s awesome that you set up to make small games for game jams, I´m sure this will give you great confidence and joy, your last platformer looks really cool! I would also recommend you to stick to one engine if possible, to leverage all the knowledge you acquire and to keep it fresh. Best luck sir, you have a new subcriber!

[@marsinvader9078]

This is like if Naruto gave up on being Hokage

[@TheABelliz]

This was extremely interesting to watch! I love the fact that you have all your older projects, its like having your whole life goal documented. Thank you for sharing you journey.

[@Skeffles]

Thanks for sharing your game dev journey! It's really relatable, especially when you talked about how you started at school and such. I also had a teacher that didn't know how to code and gave us samples he wrote a few days before we needed it.

[@gameboardgames]

I admire your honesty here! Life can be a crazy journey eh! Best of luck with your new game.

[@draft_fusion]

Love the story, I also have been through a lot of that as well. Its really hard for others to understand sometimes and I am glad there is someone else out there who understands.

[@RetroBreak]

I'm very surprised with the amount of people in the comments who have gone through similar things, there's a lot more people going through it than you realise! Most probably don't share it openly... I kept it to myself for a decade until this video!

[@Zenarkand]

I found your channel when searching for DS game recommendations. It was super helpful to me, but what really stuck out the most was how genuine your love for games is and just how you present yourself. You seem like a wonderful person. I connect a great deal with this video especially in regards to burnout. Knowing when to shift gears and do something for your mental health is so important. Thanks for sharing this. I really respect you being so open and honest. I'm very happy you are doing better. Wishing you all the best! Hope you have a great weekend!

[@SpartanDiab]

As someone who has been trying their best to do solo game dev since around 2011 I feel your woes fully, I spent so many years thinking I could just make a game and do what I thought was a fun job but in reality it's so much harder! Happy to see that you are playing aroung with godot casually and enjoying it so far! I think the best thing you can do is try to enjoy it as a hobby and take breaks from it often instead of sweating over it.

[@RetroBreak]

I think the problem comes form no easy framework or process to follow when learning to make games, it's so open ended, with so many options I fell into option paralysis a few times, and never know where to start back up from... There needs to be some kind of game design fundamentals framework that's completely engine and programming language agnostic first to get all the core concepts in place first... That's what I think I was missing anyway... Also, yes, no stress this time! :D

[@inceptional]

@@RetroBreak Interestingly, I think going to uni to study animation provided a little of that for me in some backwards way. As animation is a very fixed and known art form, at least classic 2D animation is, and it's just really nice and actually very natural and intuitive learning the basic fundamentals of that and putting it all together to create your own fully complete animations. And things like creating paintings, making comics, writing a book, etc, are all the same too. Isn't it interesting how it's all the older art forms that have this apparent simplicity and pureness to them, something anyone can master actually quite easily through little more than practice, basically all the things before computers and code and programming took over everything. If we could just get something like that for game creation, a few pure fundamentals that are essentially timeless and static and independent of the programming part of the tools, then we'd be great. I actually think that must exist, but there's so much fluff around that, especially because of all the different game creation tools and their apparently ever-changing form, that it makes it sometimes extremely hard to know where to start and build from. And it often has this weird thing where it inevitably seems to lead to everything getting so convoluted and bloated that it kinda becomes impossible to progress, at least for me. I don't know how to get beyond that with anything other than the simplest of games. So it's not ideal. But maybe one day we'll find a solution for that, and something that everyone who wants to create games can benefit from. What I would say is to actually spend a lot more time of creating the game design documents and such up front, as maybe that's the key to making all the rest just a little bit easier or something, doing the part that doesn't require programming basically. And that part is at least trackable and manageable by the average normal human being. It's just the code stuff that usually efs it all up in my experience. Because programming, as of yet, still just isn't anywhere near natural. Lol

[@St4rdog]

@@RetroBreak An interesting framework/pattern is to think of your game simply as an input/control scheme switcher. Each screen/context has list of available inputs (for example, the "gameplay screen" has move/jump/interact/inventory/pause inputs available). Then at some point you will switch to another screen, which will have a bunch of different inputs available. Also focus on data that is not attached to visuals. The data/state should have all information about the current situation. You should technically be able to play/navigate your game with no graphics and just a black screen (of course you will need debug/cheat hotkeys so you can level skip without visuals/collisions available, etc). Beginners get in a complete mess with Unity/etc due to mixing data/visuals and treating a "player object/gameobject/actor/node2D" as the actual player, and not just the player's visual representation.

[@StoneRiverMN]

Thank you for sharing your story. I think that so many of us can relate to having dreams of what we wanted to become when we were kids and then life not going that way. I myself have ended up in a field that I have some passion for, but so far from where I began. I still have a little flame flickering inside for what I dreamed of so long ago but I have come to a state of peace and acceptance that it will never happen. I love that you are still fanning your own flame to build into a fire. YOU ROCK!

[@jameswelch2850]

this is your best video I think, Nick, for various reasons. Love your normal stuff, but this was great. Really honest.

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! Probably my favourite one to make too as it was so personal. It's been a nice surprise to see so many people enjoyed it!

[@gstreetgames2530]

Taking personal responsibility and being realistic is important to success in anything. Here is a series of observations based on your own admissions. Take it as you will, it's not meant to demoralize you, but rather give you what those around you failed to give. 1- Nobody ever bothered to teach you how to manage your expectations and focus. 2- Nobody bothered to teach you how to be intellectually independent or mentally strong. 3- You put all of your trust in school, which is a HUGE mistake, considering school doesn't teach how to think. 4- You allowed OTHERS to control what you learned, and never bothered to take the initiative to actually learn programming as early as possible on your own. You expected to be spoon fed the skills needed and became passive instead of proactive. 5- You thought that liking a hobby and making drawings and plans on paper was enough to guide your actions. 6- You settled, you got into IT and wasted yet even more time expecting to be gifted with the knowledge needed to make games. 7- By the time you took some initiative, it was the 11th hour, and even then and now you aren't taking it seriously enough. 8- You have a soft constitution, make more excuses than progress, and allow yourself to be an unfocused feather in the wind. 9- You really don't "want" to be a game developer, its a whimsical desire at best. Software engineering requires a specific mindset. People who are stoic, determined, serious, detail oriented, and highly logical are the ones who do the best in such a field. You can't be wishy-washy, aloof, and emotional. It is ENGINEERING after all! Anybody can draw a plane, very few can create a working jet engine.

[@RetroBreak]

Honestly, thank you for this comment. It's what I needed to hear (10 years ago...) Let me try and think it through here... 1- Nobody ever bothered to teach you how to manage your expectations and focus. True, for whatever reason, I never had to study or worry about grades in primary or secondary School, everything apart from Maths just seemed to come naturally. I could easy fluke exams and get an A or B... It wasn't until my first year at Uni when I realised that I had been coasting the whole time and never put any thought into how to actually learn or focus. It came as a massive shock, and really knocked my confidence. It should have been obvious looking back... 2- Nobody bothered to teach you how to be intellectually independent or mentally strong. True for same reasons as above. 3- You put all of your trust in school, which is a HUGE mistake, considering school doesn't teach how to think. I had no reason to doubt that school was teaching me the right way before Uni, I'd never struggled to pass an exam or get good marks in coursework, outside of Maths, I got A's and B's in all the other subjects without really trying. I never even considered that I wasn't putting any actual thought or effort into learning (instead, just memorising facts and rules, and things like IT and English just came naturally to me.) I think the whole education system needs a reform to help kids understand the importance of self learning and how to make sense of concepts that aren't just straightforward. 4- You allowed OTHERS to control what you learned, and never bothered to take the initiative to actually learn programming as early as possible on your own. You expected to be spoon fed the skills needed and became passive instead of proactive. I was just going with the flow and thought that whenever I came across programming, it would come as naturally to me as the other work. When I saw Dark Basic as a kid, I didn't even know where to begin, so quickly just dismissed it as something I'd probably never need to know... Later on, when I encountered code again, I think copying the code tricked me into thinking I could understand it. Hence why I applied for a programming course without any real experience, as everything I'd coded in college had no errors, so I figured it was all ok! (Very naive of me...) 5- You thought that liking a hobby and making drawings and plans on paper was enough to guide your actions. Partially true, also school pushed me into going to college and the only thing I enjoyed was games, so game design just seemed like the natural thing to do. Looking back, I probably should have taken an English degree, or something in Videography or Media, as that comes naturally to me. I can easily spend all day reading and learning about video editing or writing and it doesn't feel like work. 6- You settled, you got into IT and wasted yet even more time expecting to be gifted with the knowledge needed to make games. I did. I got the job in IT just because the opportunity presented it's self (again, not taking any initiative to do something I actually wanted to do... Instead taking the easy option.) It's not something I really wanted to do, and perhaps I thought I could apply some of the knowledge I got through work into making games (I couldn't, for a long time at least) 7- By the time you took some initiative, it was the 11th hour, and even then and now you aren't taking it seriously enough. Honestly, you're probably giving me too much credit. I took the bare minimum effort path to making games, I waited until I found an engine so easy to use that I could make a game and still not learn anything I really needed to (it's literally made for kids, in a coding language they teach in primary schools!)... Even today I'm barely putting any effort in. All the attempts in the past ended after a few tutorials because I didn't have the patience or motivation to stick at it, and blamed everything else getting in the way. If I really cared enough, I would have made time for it, like I did with making videos. 8- You have a soft constitution, make more excuses than progress, and allow yourself to be an unfocused feather in the wind. In terms of game dev and what's shown in this video, sure. I wouldn't say i'm unfocussed though, more that I'm just focussed in the wrong areas. I've put a tonne of time and effort into my KZbin channel and been taking this very seriously, as well as creative writing projects which I've never shared anywhere online. But like I said, I genuinely enjoy writing and making videos, so it's not like I've actively had to try and learn how to do it, it's just been a natural progression over time. 9- You really don't "want" to be a game developer, its a whimsical desire at best. Some part of me does want to. But I either need to take it more seriously and actually stop beating around the bush and focus on learning programming properly, or give it up and focus on what I enjoy instead. Or, like several people have suggested, find a team to do the parts I don't enjoy. Anyway, sorry for the massive reply, this has given me lots of food for thought! Thanks!

[@gstreetgames2530]

@@RetroBreak Don't be sorry for the long post, it is most appreciated. You are among the very rare few that can take such constructive criticism without trying to hide from it, spin it, or shoot the messenger. I did indeed mean in only in game dev for point 8, being the only example I have to go on. I should have noted that, as looking back it would have been better to say it that way. I can see that you have great skill and determination for media creation. You would probably do quite well on a game development team as an advertiser, storyboarder, or many other jobs not directly related to programming or asset creation. Through that you could learn what's needed to work your way to designer. Designers typically start out with programming, as you kind of need to understand logic systems, but I think you could get what you needed just by being around others who are doing those disciplines. If you still want to chase the dream, that would be what I recommend. Also, you could use your media skills to recruit a team to get behind your ideas, but again I would suggest that you study systems at the least to help you design better plans if you go that route. Lastly, if you really want to learn programming, you would benefit greatly from a tutor. School is not structured for proper learning, as they removed the Trivium and Quadrivium processes and went with the Prussian military model that just makes test slaves and mindless drones. If you ever need any guidance or help, feel free to reach out to me, I have taught many people like yourself to program and would be willing to help you with some free advice/guidance.

[@kurtisbunker7724]

Rad to see this video doing so well. congrats.

[@grimm4]

Really appreciate videos like this one, thanks for sharing.

Really glad you are better. Game dev its really hard. I've tried on and off through the years and I totally relate with the lack of time to put in what you love. Keep the good work and energy, the best of luck to you Sir. :)

[@ubuntujavier]

I had a very similar experience to yours! Thank goodness that studying electronics brought me a little closer to repairs and games. I also don't give up on my ideal game and I keep programming and making notes when I have some time. Thank you for sharing the experience of burnout, sometimes I am angry because I am not able to move forward and I think it is the frustration of not doing what I have in mind. It's time to get over it and focus on one thing at a time

[@RetroBreak]

Attempting to overcome the burnout and figure out where to start is the hardest part, good luck to you, hope you manage to do something!

[@skRapKlan]

Amazing stuff.. Thanks for sharing these treasures from your childhood! And the whole deep dive into a forgotten game developers dream..

[@emilypetrillo3888]

Loved this, you gave me the nudge I needed to give it a go again as well :) Thank you for sharing your story

[@sumnz]

This is great bro, it takes me back ..especially the old school msoffice stuff (hell yeah clipart!), and the random stickers just placed everywhere. My mom recently gave me my old stuff and I wanted to be a humor comic writer. I also made little magazines and stuff! Thank you!

[@RetroBreak]

Amazing! Keep hold of those old ideas, it was so nice to look back over everything! Make your child self proud and make something :D

[@TheGamePiece]

I can very much relate to you, like wow haha. It's very easy to get caught up in it all, I wish you the best in future creative endeavors.

[@jul16ares]

That's why I like your "Tops" and "Hidden gems" videos, your judgment for what is a good game design or gameplay comes from your passion, knowledge and experiences about games. Keep it up alive, let it go, and life will bring you so many accomplishments. Sheers from south of France

[@RetroBreak]

At least all my game design knowledge isn't completely wasted then! Actually, they did warn me that knowing how games are made would stop me being able to enjoy them! But that never happened at least! :D

[@jul16ares]

@@RetroBreak Sure not ! And you contribute to make me start ds collection. I bought Dsi XL and somes games...

[@CapcomTurk]

I really appreciate the honesty in your video. As a game dev myself I could relate to a lot of it, I found myself chuckling a lot watching this. I wish you the best with your games.

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! Best of luck to you too!

[@jorgedelajungle3940]

Would like to have more details about your time in corporate jobs. Your description of the first job is puzzling me: they hired you without any purpose??

[@RetroBreak]

It’s a weird story. I applied as an “IT Graduate” and was employed by the company on a 2 year programme, it involved moving to different areas of the business every four months. I joined and was told which area I’d be in first, so I began working in the Application Development team, but clearly the programme hadn’t been very well communicated with the managers of the various departments because they didn’t know what to do with me. The idea of rotating around the different departments was strange anyway, as they didn’t tell you where you were going next, so after the first four months, I just stayed there for a while until they could find somewhere else to move me that had enough free time to train up a graduate. As you can imagine, asking a department to train someone up for four months, just for them to leave, was a big ask. So most of the time I was just put in random areas and given menial tasks, or sometimes nothing at all… Eventually I gave up waiting to go somewhere and asked if I could join the web design team, as I actually enjoyed that, so for one of the last areas I stayed in the sharepoint development team and enjoyed that. But they couldn’t keep me on after the graduate programme, so I went around another bunch of areas I didn’t really want to be in… Glad I’m out of there now! It felt like they were making it up as they went along!

[@jorgedelajungle3940]

@@RetroBreak Thanks a lot for the details :)

[@punnypuns5103]

The way your eyes sparkle when you talk about the magazine you made and your ideas is so so beautiful to see

[@EOFGizmo]

So our experiences are eerily similar my dude! I too ended up doing a Computer Science degree, made indie games with friends after uni and completely fell out of love with it around 2017 after a few awful contract projects. I have recently started to dip my toe in with some Game Jams and i still harbour a little spark to make a full project again!

[@LinkyHYC]

Congrats on this difficult journey! It's great to hear you are in a much better place nowadays. In the end, making a game is tough and takes a long time, so it's better to learn to be patient and to accept certain realities (like we're never going to be the next breakout indie title). I'd say it's also best to have a stable income on the side on a job we like, even if it's not 100% what we would love to do for a living. And it's great to hear you're back making video games at your own pace! Take your time and enjoy the journey!

[@LinkyHYC]

Also it's super fun to see your old ideas and prototypes! It shows that everyone's improving at a different pace and that's OK!

[@SolinoOruki]

You're a great story teller who has found an audience that really enjoys your work, and the tools you use to tell stories is video games, so I'd say you haven't really given up on your dream, you've just found another way of fulfilling it

[@RetroBreak]

That's a nice way of thinking about it, thank you! It's not been wasted time when I wasn't making games :) Maybe I can use what I've learned on YT and apply it back to games in the future

[@mustardegg2]

That was interesting, thanks for sharing. People rarely talk about their failures but its a fundamental part of the process.

[@cramlink6455]

I enjoyed this video so much, so inspiring, really glad you got back making what you love ❤️

[@RetroBreak]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it, I didn't know what the reaction to this video would be, it's very different to anything else I've made!

[@NathanBonline]

Man, I'm so glad the algorithm pushed this too me, you are truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing such a personal story

[@Ion3353]

You have a great family that truly loved you

[@otakuchrash]

Very weird coincidence having this pop up. Also from Shrewsbury, went to Staffs (for a different course), think we're about the same age. Same as you making games was/is what I've always wanted to do. But spent most of my life not doing that, not learning. Actually went back to uni and did a computer science degree which I graduated from this year. Graduated 2 months ago and watching this was relatable to how I feel now. Lost, no idea what I'm doing with my life. Having dreams but being too unskilled or motivated to achieve them and being in my 30s and feeling like time is running out and I'm just spinning my wheels. Didnt expect to watch the whole thing but was good to hear a more grounded albeit depressing viewpoint compared to all the success stories you normally hear on KZbin.

[@RetroBreak]

small world! Congrats on finishing your CS degree! Maybe see if there's a game engine you feel comfortable with and try out some programming :) Hope the video wasn't too depressing! I thought it would be nice to share a different perspective than everything else out there...

[@StrikerXL_BE]

Thank you for sharing your story so publicly on KZbin. I find it incredibly brave of you. Some aspects are also familiar to me, such as the many changes in management over the years, which ultimately led to an unpleasant collaboration at the highest level where I had to report. My knowledge was misused, and my plans were either scrapped or altered to the point where execution was no longer feasible for anyone on my team. This resulted in burnout, despite my passion for my work. Eventually, something new will come my way. In any case, thank you for your openness; I greatly appreciate it. 😊

[@Asobitech]

As someone who ended up doing a Mathematics with Computer Science degree, because not enough people elected to do the Computer Science with Maths degree, I feel your pain very much so. I hated Uni so much.

[@RetroBreak]

Hooray for mutual pain 😅 Any time you're forced to do something you didn't choose is always a bad time :( Be glad it's all in the past now!

[@xr.spedtech]

You still have a job in IT ... I should tell you about me.

[@MochaRitz]

Yeah, saying that he failed while in a spacey room full of video games, talking about an IT job. All i can think is, are you serious? You still have the resources to tackle gamedev my guy. I'm solodeving out of a shoebox with an empty bank account... Edit - watching more, yeah, no passion for making games, only an idea guy. Being disinterested in all technicals.

[@Greatdictator]

Glad to see this didnt end on a downer note and that your in a better headspace, this is the exact kind of passion that drives this industry. Have you ever considerd helping out on PC game mods ? Theres lots of projects out there where you can ask if you can help out and you can help out for a while and say ''hey sorry i just dont have the time anymore'' and you still helped contribute hopefully. Regardless hope you have better luck in the future with your game dev journey and thank you for being so open, any creative passion will have these kind of hurdles and especially if you hope for it to be your job in a world that so readily abuses the people that make the world that much more interesting. Cheers

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! I wish there was a clearer path for creative people... it does feel like they get the hard path by default...

[@mrtesticlease4638]

rooting for you, man

[@daze507]

Hi Nick, I listened to your story with great interest. If I can give you my honest opinion, all your issues were created from the fact that you forced yourself in the game development area of the game industry for the sake of creating something playable whereas it is obvious to me that the area you really shine in is game design, creating stories, art, game mechanics etc., not only it is where you shine but it’s also what you really enjoy doing, what you created as a kid is here to prove it. Maybe a better course of action would have been to try to get in a game company as an apprentice designer, in other word doing what you enjoy doing and being in the right head space, then slowly get in touch with the programming aspect of things, what step at a time. As for creating something playable, maybe finding someone who was able to program and teaming-up with that person would have also been a good idea. Sometimes, wanting to do to much on your own doesn’t work. Let’s also remember that many of the most famous game designers are not able to write a line of code, these are really two distinct areas in the industry.

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I do agree, I should have focussed on my strengths. I really think I made a mistake choosing to follow programming as my first uni course. I didn't have any of the knowledge required. Would have been better to do design and learn it on my own, or team up and learn from someone else who enjoys it. I did learn some from a friend who was a talented programmer when I worked on the Plunderbuss project, ( 24:17 ) wish I'd done more of that.

[@KitsuneFuzzy]

I really feel you. The game dev life really seems rough these days, even for AAA studios. Good luck on the GameJam and stay sane!

[@doomera5911]

you give me hope thank you

[@croope]

Nice video, thanks for sharing and being honest about difficult times.. I only recently discovered your channel and the main thing I like over other channels that cover retro games is how positive, passionate and non judgemental you are. I'd be interested to know if you now regret not pursuing a QA role in the industry? I got my first job as a QA in the games industry more by luck than anything and I went into the design team. It wasn't the best fit for me but someone like you would have easily gone far in design although maybe had a few redundancies along the way.. I eventually went into software development out of the industry and it's a better fit for me. I could really have seen you thriving in the games industry though

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks glad you enjoy the videos :) In some ways I regret not going into the industry, but I was under the impression that going into QA was a dead end, as the path from there to designer wasn't clear. But on the other hand, if I did go into industry straight away, I may not have put as much effort into this channel...I spent any spare time at work planning this channel! It's hard to say in retrospect if it was the right idea or not.

[@Victor-yc8fd]

It's never too late to learn ! I hope you will make a game ! (Maybe in GB Studio ? 😉)

[@RetroBreak]

I have made a few games in GB studio but never released anything, you can see bits of it later in the video... I kept feeling like It was too restrictive to really do what I wanted, so went back to learning programming... but maybe it would be good to make something in an engine like that again. I used to love making things in RPG maker because I could just focus on the characters and story and not worry about the code.

[@Victor-yc8fd]

@@RetroBreak I love the end of the video. The fact that you come back on game developement is so cool. I feel like you always tried to do very big projects. Doing a jam was the best thing you could've done to 'scale' down your ambitions. Nice work !

[@electricturbodata9368]

​@@RetroBreak I've been planning games all my life too.😅I'm happy I've managed to do some small games for a few retro systems over the years. I agree with Victor here that building a small game at the jam really seemed to kick-start your learning/creativity/passion. Have you considered keeping the scope super tiny in your first, say 10 games? Everything gets sooo much harder when a game grows. I know it can be a bit frustrating since we all have our magnum opus in mind, but being able to finish some small game(s) is really rewarding. Have you checked out pico-8 by the way? It covers all aspects you need to create a game. The tools are integrated in such a condensed manner and it has quite strict technical limitations, that it really gets the creativity flowing (and I know you love the Game Boy). Of course one gets stuck on how to program stuff all the time, especially in the beginning, but there's such fantastic tutorial videos and resources. Here's my favourite 5min introduction to video game coding on the whole of youtube (his other pico-8 tutorial videos are great too). It's called "Delightful Game Development with PICO-8" kzbin.info/www/bejne/gWa1iYCrfZpnn9k Of course you could always pair up with coders, artists and musicians, but there's some weird charm in doing everything yourself too. There's just a sh*tload to learn about everything then. Art, music, coding etc. etc. At least it doesn't get boring. Strange how much pain there's in creating art and how draining it can be. Still it's somehow what we art minded people almost live for.

[@MADMANNe1]

Thanks for sharing, I have similair experiences trying to "make it" in the music industry! Keep your head up! : )

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! Hope you are doing well with your music!

[@ArtofWEZ]

I love Sakurai's game design documents where he mostly focuses on visual presentation of ideas with veryy little words. so cool to see another version from someone who doesn't like art like yourself. Glad to see you are having fun again.

[@RetroBreak]

Sakurai's game dev channel is amazing, such a great resource for less technical game dev info!

[@MicahBuzanANIMATION]

Honestly would love more story time style videos like this, or behind the scenes of games you're making.

[@belindaj1953]

Quantum Shift looks great, please bring that one back to life too!

[@RetroBreak]

I would love to one day! I did try to remake it in Unity but never got anywhere with it... There was lots more written and planned than I ever included in the original RPG maker game!

[@Phisherman10]

Man, what they were showing you as “developing” must be why so many games are just interactive movies these days.

[@SuperMegaDave_]

As someone who also gave up his childhood dream of making games, this resonated with me dearly. Thanks for sharing your story and glad to hear your journey in game dev isn’t over yet.

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks for watching, hopefully your journey isn't over too!

[@doittoit.]

You are very creative!

[@titanmoruma5834]

This is an awesome video! I used to do zelda and banjo kazooie maps as a kid.

[@PivotGuy401]

I feel like we've lived very similar lives! I related to a lot of your story, I've been wanting to make an actual game all my life but never had a real push or drive. But after some time of taking care of myself, I'm doing a game jam for the first time in many years w/ my girlfriend and I'm super excited!

[@RetroBreak]

That's great to hear! Hope you make something you're happy with! :D

[@JamesArndt]

I was glad to hear you want to revive the donut game. Earlier in the video you showed it and it stuck with me how much charm and appeal it had. Call me crazy, but if the donut game had a narrative layer with some lore or backstory that is unlocked…I think it could have even more appeal.

[@sneshead3326]

Yes can’t wait to play super doughnuts! Glad you’re re-releasing it. Very interesting learning about your past. This just shows you should never give up on your dreams ✨

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! I hope people enjoy the game when it's ready! I've been making a lot of improvements over the original too! :D

[@2soulzkilluminati135]

This is a very good video, first time i watched it, tears came out of eyes. I didn't watched it fully then. Now i watched it in full and i can relate to you. Because i loved to play games, in school i asked my teachers if there's is some kind of a work where i could make games back then. She said no, then i gkt pressured by my family and my teachers to find a job, i didn't even had time to choose and know what u wanted to be(and because my teacher said that there is no videogame creator job) i was discouraged. I chose a job i never wanted to do in the end, which was gardener. In Germany you had to go to work school first. I wanted to quit it in the second year because i was terrible, the workers were terrible to me, cursing at me whatsoever. They tried to avoid me and stuff, but it was also my fault because i was terrible at this work. I became a drug addict smoking weed and using cocaine and i became an alcoholic, almost every made myself drunk. I also tried ro kill myself, but i tried to kill myself since 11 or 12. While still being in job school i had this dream idea for an rpg. In Facebook i talked with someone about it who after i showed him a very early draft if the map, redrew it and stuff. Sadly nothing came out of it. After work school i tried to find another job but it was not possible since i was a gardener my only choice was being a gardener and i didn't wanted to waste new 3 years in job school again because i took something else. I also tried it since it was my dream to create a game but i didn't had the degree for it. In Germany you have to get a higher degree, it's like a pyramid system. So I was back gardening again, although i managed to quit drugs, i was still addicted to alcohol. I was still terrible at work and after work i would do fiverr coding lessons but i was so stupid that i tried to learn the commands from my mind and not what they do and how i do that etc. i still got depressed, i thought about suicide again, punched and hurt myself and i always ate my own skin from my fingers and to top it off i was also framed in work by 3 kurdish workers(one of them former pkk terrorist) because i told them where i came from. I soon got kicked out and tried to find work but nobody wanted me so i began working in labour for 3 years. It was not very good but in one company it was ok, i made friends there. In the last labour company, i was being laughed at by being terrible, they kindly cursed at me, but i also behaved bad to them because they behaved like apes towards me. There was a time where i really broke into tears while working, i literally cried but nobody cared though, some laughed at it. There was a guy who gave me coffee which i thought was kind until i saw that ge put some medal scraps inside it. My throat was hurting and i still cried, some even recorded me while crying and working. It was terrible and i drank 3 alcohol bottles after work. I got fired from labour and decided to fix my life by visiting an night school for a higher degree. While still being in night school, i got motivated again to do games and worked on a small shmup but sooner and later after i asked my brother how the Sprites look, he said it looks fucking terrible and i got discouraged. Also i saw that the same guy who redrew the map for my dream RPG had if i think correct stole my ideas and was working with a group to make a mega drive RPG and the main character and names were 1 to 1 the same but the main character had short hair in their project while mine had long hair. I felt shit but said under the video where it was presented that it looks exactly like the dream RPG i had in mind and about the mc and the names and said that i would have no problems if they did their own stuff instead of taking some parts of my game i had in mind. Well i still feel discouraged to continue on my shmul but i want to try again.

[@PhạmAnh-h4w]

You didn't give up, the title was wrong but that's a good thing. Hope u can continue making game in the future.

[@remusracingro3884]

Nice one bro

[@Afaik777]

Makes me feel bad for that little kid dreaming of making games with his characters, and these ideas never actually materializing… But what an awesome mom, making the toy version of the design.

[@RetroBreak]

My mum was so cool making that for me! And maybe those ideas will come back someday...

[@Sinistar1983]

As the indie developer currently developing Eternal Memory. I will say your road has been a long and difficult one. I commended the dedication that you've done to keep doing it. And I hope that someday you can make your dream games. Because I've been down that road too where support for game development classes and jobs are terrible. But only by sheer will can you make it real. I've been doing game development for 12 years, and it's a miracle I've held on this long.

[@yobowargames]

Great video. You have great potential.

[@huskymcfluff]

Good for you, man. Don't think I was ever happier to see a trollish video title. I originally went into programming because I wanted to one day make video games, and I ended up spending fifteen years as a software engineer focused in web development. I've had a pretty successful career doing that. Then out of the blue an old friend of mine bought me a Udemy course in Godot as a gift (and an attempt to manipulate me into making games with him). All of the dreams have come back for me, and now there's like fifty games I want to make. My problem is pixel art -- I'm not good at it, and I genuinely don't enjoy it. Code is my first love, and I can do some incredible things with it in Godot. If I can _just_ nail down pixel art, I'll be golden.

[@huskymcfluff]

I almost went to one of those "game design colleges" out of highschool. It was called "Full Sail", and was down in Florida (USA). If I had signed up for that school, I may very well have had the exact same journey you did.

[@saligraphy]

thank you for sharing!

[@NeatWolf]

Came here to say the same as others: very relatable. Even if - my experience was kind of... complimentary? My strength was(is?) programming but changed so many unis and felt let down so many times. Which, does not translate well in your CV. And, yup, panic attacks, anxiety for a decade and then I decided to move to UK, in a place where I wasn't isolated and could attend to events. Got the pandemic instead. Got a bit of success and then, the global post pandemic crisis. And, depression again (legitimate this time). I believe we could have been good friends/teammates if we had crossed our paths before and maybe, just maybe, forever altered our life paths again. For the better hopefully. Nice work on the video. It definitely made me nostalgic and made me sigh a lot, having to relive my past again and again. I kinda had lived your story in a parallel universe.

[@RetroBreak]

If we’d have met before the pandemic when you moved to the UK it could have been great! Thanks for sharing your story :) it’s been great seeing everyone else’s experiences in the comments! Hopefully you’ve managed to get somewhere you’re happy with now!

[@Josh10bit]

Thank you for sharing your story. It did feel like you were a little harsh on yourself, mentioning you hadn't learned much about coding, yet you had done a good amount of games up to that point. It appears that experience has been handy as you transition to Godot. As a fellow Godot-learner, I hope the engine is treating you well and works with your brain. I find your comeback inspirational for me to continue my own gamedev journey.

[@Rajjuo-bz1en]

Indian slime, an Indian super hero. Love it. Love all the way from India.

[@ProperNeko]

I can totally relate to everything you said, as it’s mostly parallel with mine. I lived from drawing game design scribbles on paper, to going to uni to get a first on a games development course, to releasing my game (made in Unity) on mobile devices. I did take a few steps further and I got two masters degrees related to games development, first in said subject and second in entrepreneurship. The projects I have been to have either fell apart or featured people who gave me a hard time and criticised me for my intelligence or team work, without a single care for how I’m feeling. I have been dealing with anxiety, depression and burnout too, and the support back then was lacking. I even applied for jobs which led to failed interviews and unpaid work experiences, and the best I got was working in McDonalds. Even that stressed me out a lot and had panic attacks or exhaustion, while managers and leaders went really hard on me. Put it all together and it made me uncomfortable with any job. My current best was doing volunteering, but my wellbeing was so bad that I ended up taking a break, which I then didn’t return. I ended up quitting game dev as a result and never looked back because not only you have to put up with people who would take things so seriously that they expect you to work all the time, but I have found most games would not even succeed in selling. I ended up seeing games as coping mechanisms and I should’ve pursued other career paths including animation and writing. If I were to find out that getting into games dev meant learning a more specific area like animation or networking, then I would’ve had better transferrable skills, even if I dodged the bullet with the toxic work culture in games companies, but it was all too late for me as someone in the thirties. I still thank you for opening up about your experiences, and the video was well done. It’s nice that you are still going on with developing games. I have tried considering porting my mobile games project to PC for itch io, but I have lost enough passion to go back to games dev again.

[@RetroBreak]

wow so sorry to hear that people you worked with treated you like that :( unfortunately, toxic workplaces seem common place in any technical field, I had people warning me about it when I went into IT too... Hopefully one day you'll find that passion again, just without any sales expectations and with a better group of people!

[@ProperNeko]

@@RetroBreak Thanks. I’m still dealing with my mental health but when I get better, I’m more likely to seek work in say a cafe for example. Right now though, I’m happy writing my stories on paper, which is one way to feel good.

[@InkRibbon]

I've seen your passion for game boy games and I really think for you, RPG maker and especially GB Studio. Both of them don't require programming and pixel art (especially Game Boy) is not too hard to learn.

[@RetroBreak]

I enjoyed playing around with both of them, but I really want to learn programming as it will have more real world applications for me career wise too

[@BrunoValads]

I really hope you succeed in your game design career. I'd love playing a platformer full of story designed by you in GB, NES or SNES

[@TYNEPUNK]

it just shows even if you put your life and soul into game dev, even then it doesnt always work. I went through the same shit, writing code during the day and dreaming all day about 7pm when id get a few hours to make my own game, angry when i had to go to bed. I spent nearly 2 decades writing my own engine with its own drag and drop editor. Just to make one zombie game which sony turned down at the last minute. after that i switched to unity, my engine was used in one failed mobile game in 2003, and developed until 2012. Honestly ive spent every day on unity since then, 12 yrs of daily use and it really becomes very easy to whip things together, especially with assets. I would give unity another go and just be even more relentless. I also got badly sick, got DVT from silly long sessions like 24 to 34 hrs of coding. As you have just proven, game dev is stupendously difficult, it requires you to dedicate your life to it, and even then its still incredibly hard. In some ways I guess I like it because I know its a hyper difficult artform to master (and once done it deserves respect, its like 4 phds imho making a good game), but with unity things are getting much more achievable. Im glad coding finally clicked for you, it takes time. One thing im always confused by is how people afford their own place after all these hardships, im desperately strugglign to pay rent and im a pretty well paid coder living in a pretty cheap country. Ah pot noodle thats how :) Your new game looks good, give up on ladders, complete nightmare lol. donut game looks good (reminds me of superfrog, actually im making a platformer too!) id happily playtest. See my channel for my own struggles, I have some very ridiculously long dev diaries. Good luck and very huge congrats on becoming the games coder you always wanted to be, im the same as you. Always been my dream since a kid, I think I was 7 when I said id be a rich and famous game dev by 40.... missed that though haha.

[@RetroBreak]

So sorry to hear all that time and effort didn't go anywhere! I'm lucky that I got a job separate to all this game dev stuff (sharepoint developer and project manager) and it pays well, so I don't need to worry about finances or any other stresses! Hope things improve for you!

[@GrandFew]

You've a lot of reasons to be proud of yourself. Fair dues

[@promaster424]

I really hope I don't have such bad luck in university as you did starting to learn game development. I've been studying programming in school and it would be a dream to start working on games as a full time job, and if not at least I hope everything goes well for you, me and everyone else that wants to make games for other people to enjoy!

[@RetroBreak]

Hope everything goes well for you! Don't let this put you off, i'm sure there's plenty of good positive stories from studying game design too! And i'm sure things have improved in the 15 or so years since I started

[@SproutyPottedPlant]

There was someone just like you at my local Bannatyne gym today, same voice profile and even looked like you, but I am visually impaired so I couldn’t be 100 percent sure 😅😅🌱 was doing bicep curls on the bench whilst me and sister were doing chest and tris nearby and again in the steam room!

[@RetroBreak]

😂 I can assure you it wasn't me, the only Gym you'll find me in is a Pokemon gym :P

[@SproutyPottedPlant]

@@RetroBreakhaha may have been your doppelgänger 🤣🤣 though it was funny when he started doing his cooldown in the main foyer 👍

[@Phazore]

This personal story is really interesting!

[@paipai762]

Such a great video. Finding your place in the world is so hard even when the answer might appear obvious in hindsight. I feel I had a simulare journey as you, but in my case I tried to do design when what I actually wanted was to code and program games and it seems to me that you wanted to be a writer/designer etc and wasn't really passionate about the datascience, and yet forcing yourself to level up skills you wish you didn't need. Don't get me wrong, the logic and designer skills you had to learn and use to make all the games (including PP games) is impressive! Sticking to learning skills is always insanely hard untill you get good at it, a constant uphill battle. The sad part is that, I believe if you found someone to teach you the toolset you needed you could skip YEARS of useless school, or if you had a team or teammate you could focus more on what you like about making games and probably be in a better mental state along the way. Just speculations from someone who doesn't know you tho :)

[@RetroBreak]

I think you're absolutely right. The first time I ever felt like I had a slight grasp on what the programming actually did was when I was just sat with a friend trying to make something, he was a programmer and told me to look at what he did and change some values to see the effect in the game. Before then, it was all just copying from textbooks and not really having any understanding of the underlying concepts. I only have myself to blame for not taking the time to study it outside the classroom. As you said, It doesn't come as naturally to me, so it does feel like I'm forcing it. But I could have at least tried a bit!

[@paipai762]

@@RetroBreak Glad to see I wasn't talking completely out of my ass xD Forcing yourself to learn something at the wrong time in your life can be impossible for some people. I think that if I started trying to get into programming before my mid twenties I would not be mature enough, had the wrong mindset, lack of work/life experience etc... And it not coming natural don't need to mean anything if you find a passion for it, after doing something for months/years will literally change the pathways in your brain so thinking in for example code becomes natural to you :)

[@RetroBreak]

@paipai762 I sometimes wish I’d gone straight into work, then gone to Uni in my mid 20’s instead. The extra time to learn how to think properly and experience in the real world first would have made a massive difference I think.. I’d be so much more prepared to learn now, compared to at age 18/19..

[@paipai762]

@@RetroBreak Exactly man! But it is what it is, and we have a solid amount of time left to chase our dreams and more experience to steer us moving forward. Even if life is more complicated and free time is scarce : )

[@N7sensei]

Ah man. I did something similar as a kid. I used to make video games in Microsoft Paint in like Win95 or something, then in Warcraft 2 and Starcraft 1. Good times.

[@WaltuhBlackjr]

I feel so much sadness you were robbed of a college experience that actually helps you make games.

[@RetroBreak]

Maybe it was partially my own fault for not stuying on my own outside of what the college was teaching too...

[@Lady_of_Hyrule]

Are you my long-lost twin?! 😆 Your story is so similar to mine! I also went to school for game development (design/production, specifically) and struggle with programming and math. Fortunately, I had the opportunity to work in the industry for a brief period of time as a freelance game designer at a small studio, but I never managed to get a full-time job at a larger company. I eventually formed my own indie studio and released a mobile game, but it's no longer publicly available since it wasn't successful enough to bother maintaining its App Store and Google Play Store pages. A few years ago, I made a funny little team project in Godot as an artist and designer, but I've been too anxious to commit to making another. I have so many resources at my fingertips and still get starry-eyed when I dream up ideas, but actually sitting down and bringing them into reality is a daunting task. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story. It's reassuring to know that there are other devs out there who stop making games for a while but find their way back.

[@RetroBreak]

Thanks! How was your time in industry? I had the option to do that when I swapped to the game design course, but it would have been even longer in education so decided not to... The daunting feeling when you have an idea and don't know where to start is so debilitating... there must be a good way of breaking it down to a more manageable size to help get started..

[@Lady_of_Hyrule]

​@@RetroBreak It was pretty good! However, I should note that it wasn't your typical medium/large company type of experience. I did an unpaid internship first and then transitioned into freelance for one small company. I had wanted to be a part of the AAA industry, but knowing what I know now about poor treatment of developers and layoffs, I think I dodged a bullet. I guess you could say I got my indie start early! I don't blame you for not wanting to spend more time in school. I had to spend an extra semester at mine due to being behind on math, which I felt was a waste of time. I know basic math is important, but only to an extent. I have a grand vision of an action/adventure game I'd like to make someday, but I'm planning on making smaller, more experimental projects first. My mobile project was kind of like that, though I don't plan on making any more mobile games for the time being.

[@AudioMayhem100]

Codeless or minimal code Game Engine Options: FPS Creator, GameGuru Max, Construct 3, Gdevelop, CopperCube, Easy FPS Editor, RPG Paper Maker, RPG in a Box, 001 Game Creator

[@RetroBreak]

Tried a bunch of them but didn't click with he UI or workflows in anything other than Stencyl... It's great there's accessible options for everyone though! :D