NO BUY WEEK #18: Shopping, Money and Me, a life overview - why am I like this?

[@xiovandijk933]

Wow, thank you for that private little gift concert :D You play lovely

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thank you! 🎶

[@marleneschick4768]

I absolutely know that my shopping addiction stems from my childhood. I did not have a lot of clothes as a child. My mom sewed a lot of my clothes and I wore hand-me downs. Then, after learning how to sew at age 12, I sewed most of my clothes until I was a young adult. There was a comment made that I overheard when I was 12...about me wearing the same dress (it was the first dress I made myself and it was my favorite)..MEAN girl comment. I'm 60 years old and I've never forgotten it.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes those moments do stick!! And only now, as an adult, can I tell myself that actually, wearing the same favorite dress is a sign of real personal style - that's a "signature" look right there, something to wear with pride.

[@bthomson]

It is pretty cool how open you are with your audience! You make us feel very included and special. We want to support you and make up for some of the hardship and stress. We are very glad that things are finally becoming more comfortable. You seem to us to deserve a good life!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thank you! And I feel like life is indeed pretty good, wouldn't change anything in the past either as it's got me to today 😄 All the best to you too!

[@jessrosejim]

I love your channel! Keep pushing. I think I will forever be on this journey of working towards consuming less. I do not have children, nor do I want them, but I care deeply about the future of all children and the world I am leaving behind for them. I wish you continuous success on your personal journey :)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes it seems to be a constant process especially since it feels like there is a constant onslaught of marketing and social influence to fight off...that's one of the reasons I made this channel in the first place, to try and dilute power of "influencing" on these platforms! Thank you!

[@cbeghin0514]

I’m 5’ 10”, half Belgian half Ethiopian, and I grew up in Iowa with an alarming amount of overlap to your story ❤️ I appreciate and relate to your mixed race and culture struggles. You just want to fit in and it’s so hard and weird as a kid. All my lasting friendships were with other first gen and/or mixed kids.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Iowa! Another Midwestern experience🌽

[@angelamelum4304]

Oh I loved hearing you play!

[@adiladilshat8923]

I might need to confess I’m addicted to your content, hahah so inspiring and super interesting!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thank you so much!!

[@madisonostermann]

Thank you for being transparent and vulnerable - I think this helps your content resonate even more. I appreciate how you talked through what the causes might be, under the surface… it makes me think about my own experiences more deeply. You’ve clearly grown so much, it’s inspiring, and I’m so excited to keep following your channel and learning from your perspective!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you so much!

[@Lavaluz1]

Your channel is so authentic and refreshing. Can relate to so much!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you!

[@cindyklempner7203]

I am similarly embarrassed about my overconsumption, which has been especially excessive since Covid. Although I have been working diligently to reduce my belongings and future consumption to a significant degree, I am not always successful.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

One step at a time! Thanks for sharing in this with me.

[@SkylightSwift]

I feel the same as you Cindy and found my consumption increased during Covid and since, probably because it became much easier buying on-line and became more the norm. Adjusting my buying habits is a work in progress and I know the triggers are email notifications and scrolling online so try to minimise that.

[@MerlynBarkhuizen]

What an interesting story - a life well lived thus far❣️

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you! I feel very lucky :)

[@LeahTackles]

I have binged all of your content! I love hearing you play, also ❤ I really enjoy hearing your story. Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

You are so kind to say so, thank you so much. I appreciate you too!!! 💖

[@angelamelum4304]

Ha I moved to South Dakota two years ago. We live north of where you lived. So sorry you had a negative experience here. Definitely learn Korean. Be proud of your heritage.

[@ST-wo3uw]

Late to this video, but was really touched by your personal story. You are so wise, self-aware, and lovely. It's a joy to listen along on your journey of personal reflection and growth!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

🥰

[@charityschweiger9446]

Thank you so much for sharing this! It really resonated with me and has encouraged me to look at my own motivations to have the “right” look to fit in. You’re brave to make a video like this and I love your content!! 😊

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

🥰

[@christinaorciari343]

I have just found your channel and I’m enjoying your content. I am doing a no buy July and otherwise just trying to take a break from buying anything I want just as soon as I want. I want to enjoy what i have. Your content and other channels like yours will be so helpful in changing some of my behavior!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you! Let's do this thing together 🤝

[@lchen3]

Love your channel! I’ve been feeling like I’ve become a little addicted to shopping because I would buy something to make myself feel better.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you! And yes I've been there, just trying to stop my addiction this year! 🙃

[@LeighannRiceDietitian]

Incredible video! I relate to your story so much. And I have a half-Korean daughter, so I’m afraid she’ll go through some of the same things you did as a child. Your video had such a happy ending :) thanks so for sharing your story and for all of these videos! You’re a gem. 💎

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw well I do notice there are more and more mixed race people in general these days so I hope she finds others to relate to sooner than I did! Thank you so much for this kind comment 😊

[@lisalenane9671]

Thank you for letting us know about your life.❤

[@bella4135]

I can totally relate to your past. My mother is Vietnamese and my dad is Caucasian. Growing up, I never felt that I fit in with the Asian kids or the white kids. We also moved after my 8th grade year so I started a new high school knowing nobody. I guess I’ve always had insecurities and that I tried to mask with clothes. But I came from a very frugal and modest home-so no lavish spending. Luckily I didn’t have social media (I’m old 😂) but Covid definitely ramped up my feelings of boredom and loneliness. Like you, I’m just trying to do better! Thankful for finding you!❤

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thank you for sharing your story, and welcome!

[@angelamelum4304]

Oh 2020 is what taught me to shop and introduced me to influencers.

[@corinnanuqui8953]

yay Bach!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Woo!

[@torvous]

I recently discovered you and have been having a bit of a binge. I love how open and relatable you are. I'm curious how your husband manages personal finances and shopping. If there's a way you could share your similarities and differences with him and how you manage it together, while still respecting his privacy, I'd be interested in that content. Thank you for all that you share!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you! So to answer part of your question, our finances are totally combined and generally we talk about each purchase we make before spending the $. It was actually just me who would occasionally make a sneaky purchase here and there, that he'd find out about later, hence me going on the "no buy year". He doesn't tend to shop much except for directly necessary things for activities he's doing (running/cycling stuff, lawn gear). It might be something I talk about in more detail later since it might be an interesting comparison when I've thought about it a bit more, but at least for now my focus is pretty exclusively on myself and how to navigate the urge to buy things now that I'm finally saying "no" this year 😅

[@OriginsofSpirits]

I loved the intro! Again, again!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw thanks so much! I'm going to try and do some more playing online for a kind of "summer project" so I'll try and bring more snippets of that to this channel 😊

[@lillianbarker4292]

I am so inspired by your self exploration and happy that your life is going well. Don’t be too hard on yourself about buying habits. Our whole capitalistic society floods us with stimulation to buy and it preys upon our insecurities, basically saying we’re not good enough unless we have a certain product.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

🥰

[@aniakucia1688]

Hi! I'm a fellow musician. It was great to hear your story. Congratulations! You have accomplished so much, both musically and in general, in your life up to this point. Keep going!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you! Got some more auditions lined up this Fall 😅

[@Chunkyshoesuk]

I came across your chanel a few days ago and keep watching your content as its very inspiring. Your honesty and stories really resonate with me. I enjoy the creativity of fashion as its a bit of a outlet for me but I do feel the financial burden of consumerism as its constantly there and not easy to get away from. Ive always enjoyed buying things but as little treats a few times a year or to save up for something and 2020 was defo the year for me too when it changed and became more of a habit than an occasional enjoyable treat

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw welcome, and thank you! I'm planning to do a bit more "fashion-oriented" content on here too soon, the little bit I've done has helped me see some things about my style preferences! Fashion is a creative outlet for me too 😄

[@bri4550]

So glad I stumbled across your video! I am sooooo over social media and overconsumption it kind of makes me queasy when I see these girls with like 200 bottles of product in their bathroom. I have a blush from 2020 that I still haven’t hit pan on 🤣 like why do I need 7 blushes??

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

YES yes yes, welcome! I'm so happy I didn't fall in THAT deep, I don't have a massive makeup collection or anything like that, but even with the collections of clothing and makeup that I DO have, I want to pare down and most importantly stop the inflow of new things this year so that I can start combating the influence of social media on our collective consumerism habits! No one needs that much, not even "influencers" who make it their "jobs".

[@t.anderson6069]

Thank you for such an insightful video 😊. I am a Korean-American adoptee who lived in South Dakota as a baby (parents originally from there). Also lived in Texas in grade school and Pennsylvania while writing my dissertation. No doubt my problematic relationship with shopping has similar roots to yours. I’ve been trying forever to get things under control, but still struggle. Your videos are very helpful and inspirational!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Wow no way, we lived in so many of the same places!!! Happy to meet you here online 😁

[@t.anderson6069]

I know! I was so surprised! Can you believe how popular Korean culture is now? I had no interest in Korea for most of my life, but discovered BTS during the pandemic from watching so many Asian food videos. Then I "met" some wonderful American fans (women in their 70s and 80s!) of BTS on KZbin, who got me hooked on K-dramas. I never thought that I would become such a fan. If you've never watched K-dramas before, you might find Crash Landing on You or Extraordinary Attorney Wood fun. Also, you might find Korean sunscreens appealing. They have more advanced filters than U.S. sunscreens (Dr. Dray is an excellent source). Plus, they are significantly less expensive.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Omg yes the Kpop and K-dramas. Thanks for those recommendations I've actually been looking for which ones to try!

[@t.anderson6069]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear It’s such a fun way to learn a little about Korean culture (which has a lot of problems, but still). K-dramas can mix a lot of genres together, which I find interesting. I really love them 😊

[@bthomson]

Revisited 7/24 . When taken all together the weight of social hardship, none of it within your control, makes the soothing need for shopping to extreme very understandable. The psychology, however, would probably not have been evident to you at that age. As a young person you just do what feels good and lessens tension. Unfortunately the habit takes hold. As habits go it was not that destructive! (Not alcohol or drugs or shoplifting!) But now the adult you can see that the habit caused problems as well as comfort. Thank you so much for allowing us to accompany you on this journey of self awareness and recovery! 🙏

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Haha I'll also say, as a young person who had to leave all her friends and move to New Zealand, the other thing I did was eat way too much chocolate, which luckily didn't turn into anything too destructive either 😅

[@imaclassact]

Hi from Houston! 👋You've lived such an interesting life! Also, I'm totally aligned with you in terms of what I want out of life right now. Shopping is ultimately not fulfilling and the dopamine rush we get from it is not sustainable.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Woo Houston! And very happy to have your solidarity on this journey too 😊

[@MIOLAZARUS]

Ohhhhhhh waow 🥲 Thank you for playing for us❤ I am a singer but I have always admired viola and violin. Such a difficult instrument. Thank you for sharing from a recovering shop-aholic myself 😊

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I admire singers! They're sharing their ACTUAL voice, which I can't do (without it being intensely embarrassing haha)

[@angelanguyen451]

Thank you so much for sharing your life over view! It was nice to hear, I relate to you in many similar ways.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thanks for sharing in this with me and I am also happy to find people to relate to here!

[@JessyLovesDisney]

I just found your channel and LOVE it! You’re such an inspiration. I’m also a mom of 2 littles in Omaha. 😊 So glad you’re happy here! (I was so jazzed when I found out you’re in Nebraska!!! I feel like no one’s ever from Omaha 😂)

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Ooh hi, happy to meet you on here! Yay Nebraska 😄 totally unrelated but let me know if you ever want to see the Omaha Symphony, I can possibly get you comp tickets depending on the show 🎶

[@JessyLovesDisney]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear I would love that! 🥹 Would be a great date night for me and the hubby. Would love to see you and the other enormously talented musicians perform! That’s right up our alley. 😄

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Great! I'm not just saying that either - when the season starts up again in September I'll probably mention it in a post or something on here, (I know I've reached at least one other person from Omaha) which will say where to email me if you know what show you might like to see!

[@eggman345]

Thank you for sharing your story! I came across your channel a few days ago, and much of it is so relatable. I’m excited to have your videos as reinforcements for accountability but also a support as many of us will slip (as with all things as we work toward behavior change) and so to those videos where you are hard on yourself, I appreciate your honesty and hope you are gentle on yourself as it is all part of behavior change❤ Looking ahead, I don’t have children now but have thought about how the online scrolling and shopping will be sooo easy (but also not that fulfilling) when I’m tired, sad, low energy…all the things! You’re doing great, and I’m sure life changes have made it easy to fall on shopping and consuming. It’s great to reflect and no better time to make changes than *now*

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you!! Kids or no kids, we'll all have low-energy, tired, not-happy times so like you said, no better time to make changes and get on the "path of progress" 😄

[@AlexiaArdelean]

Hi. I just discovered your channel yesterday and I keep watching your videos in my free time. I can relate to so many things you've been talking about on your channel and I'm so happy that I found you. I'm actually going through kind of the same thing as you. I'm so done with being influenced and keep buying things I don't need and being trapped in consumerism. Last month I've decluttered my wardrobe, I just did my skincare\makeup this weekend. Luckily my things are brand new\unused so maybe I can regain some of my 'lost' money by selling them online. Keep up doing what you do beacuse for many of us whom going through the same it's so helping mentally that we know we are not alone. ☺

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw welcome!! So happy to hear we are doing this together! I'm hoping to list a bunch of my "declutters" online soon too, so thank you for the renewed motivation 😅

[@V1sual3y3z]

So funny, my elementary school friend is almost exactly how you described yourself: "half" Asian, played a classical instrument (I think she played violin), scoliosis... I think she even played soccer. we lived on an island instead of a small town. So, definitely wasn't you but what an interesting coincidence. That combination of things/experiences doesn't seem like it would be super common. I have actually been thinking about her a lot the last few days and wondering where she is now. I think that's what prompted me to comment. Nothing I've said is particularly relevant but I think I just felt that spark of connection and nostalgia for my old friend. edited to add: I have commented a couple times and you have respond with such thoughtful and insightfully replies. I feel a little bad not responding to your replies but I find it hard to get back and find them after I've read them. At least in a way that facilitates my way of responding.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Wow that's so cool, another person with such a similar life experience! I wish I'd known more people "like me" growing up - I wonder what she's doing now too 👀 Likewise it's actually harder for me to find "replies" to comments on here than the original so don't feel bad about not replying to the replies 😉

[@lilacs_in_bloom]

Alexa, have you read “Crying in H-Mart” by Michelle Zauner? Your childhood feelings reminded me so much of what the author (she’s also half South Korean by mother) went through. And it’s a great book anyway.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

It is on my library waitlist and I think I'm almost at the front of the queue, so I WILL get to read it hopefully this summer! That's so cool to hear that it's probably going to be extremely relatable, I'm excited

[@karenbell6800]

I completely understand from a back brace/scoliosis point of view. I have severe Scoliosis and I still have trauma from that back brace! ❤️

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw happy to meet another scoliosis sister 🥰

[@cynthiahunter6588]

Thank you for the context.

[@kylreckamp]

Thanks for making these videos I relate to a lot of what you said in this video. We both had babies in 2020 too! I’m looking forward to hearing more updates. I’m currently trying the same thing and it’s hard! Not feeling alone in this helps a bit though.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

2020 was a good year for babies! At least I feel like it was, with the extra time mandated at home. Here's to undertaking this pursuit together!

[@teresamcg431]

Glad I found your channel!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw me too, thanks!

[@naiaaiello]

FUCKING HELL you're so talented!!!!!!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

omg you're too kind, thank you :)

[@clauthequeen]

My shopping addiction started after my father died. I guess I was looking for something to make me feel better…but I felt more and more empty.😢

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Aw I'm sorry for your loss, and sending you comforting energy as you navigate through the ripples of emotion and change that go along with a transition like this🥰

[@nadja9331]

❤🎶🎻👏 also korean roots here 🤗

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Ooh thank you for sharing! 🇰🇷

[@margaretjefferies6539]

Racism is everywhere. I grew up in another country and was told to go back to China even though my family have been in that country for 3 generations.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

UGH I'm sorry this has happened to you as well 😓

[@M_SC]

Oh look a viola