No Goals, Just Strategies : Planning for Chronic Illness and/or Neurodivergence | Sterling Ink

[@rachplans]

I use the "Goal Breakdown" for like a recurring task list. For example, how often should I/do I wash my sheets. Or how often should I give my dogs a bath. How often I need to replace my mascara. etc. I did relabel the top to be 'daily', 'biweekly', 'weekly', 'fortnightly', 'monthly', 'bimonthly', 'quarterly', 'yearly'. I then put different life categories along the side like dogs, skincare, car, cleaning, maintenance

[@i.am.katiesanders]

I love that for this area! Great idea and thank you so much for sharing 💕

[@Butterflies.and.Tulips]

This is the first video I’ve found of yours. I agree about goal setting. I’m 60 years old now and I have never set goals in this way. I’ve tried a yearly planner doing it, and felt it was a waste of money! I also have many autoimmune conditions, now on disability, and have constant daily pain. It’s a struggle daily to accomplish things each day. Good luck with all your struggles.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Thank you so much for sharing. That sounds like a lot to deal with every day. And thank you. We can all just do the best that we can. Thanks for watching ✨💕✨

[@ella_nym]

absolutely with you, that goal setting can be very ableist a lot of/ if not most of the time. reminds me of a book I'm reading by Fariha Roisin called "who is wellness for?" about wellness culture and who it leaves out/ excludes. for example, I had to stop watching productivity videos primarily made by male creators because a lot of the time, their advice just doesn't apply to women whose energy cycles don't run in a 24-hour period. add to it the complexities of having a chronic illness and just? a lot of planning/goal-setting advice excludes/ dismisses those of us who have to consider how much more difficult it is for us to just "set a goal and get it done." I've always had an almost revulsion to goal setting even when I've wanted to live a more intentional existence, and I think it is definitely coming from a place of " I don't want to set a goal I likely wont accomplish cause I cant plan for how my chronic illness and I don't want to feel shame about it." so anyways all to say thank you so much for sharing this video 💜

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Yes to all of this! Totally agree. I do think there are some people who don’t mind setting a goal and not meeting it, or they haven’t realized how much it hurts them to not meet it, but it really bothers me. I feel pretty bad about it, especially when I do it over and over again. I will definitely check out that book. It sounds awesome! Thank you so much for watching and sharing ✨💕✨

[@dailylovejuice]

Loved your reflection on goal setting. For a few years, I struggled so much setting goals -- which felt so anti-me, because I'm usually so excited for it! Q1 2023 I did a lot of reflecting, analyzing, and trauma work to uncover why thinking about goals was actually paralyzing me. First thing was not surprising--after a couple of years of everything getting derailed, I don't trust planning my year anymore. But I also found myself burned out from all the expectations that come with goal setting, and the realization that so many of my goals came from what I thought I was supposed to do. I decided to do a list of things I want to achieve at some point instead. And most of them were fun creative things, like launch a new blog, get a tattoo, visit a new place. And I didn't set a date -- I got less than half of them done in 2023, and I'm excited to continue working on the other ones during 2024: volunteer, launch a podcast, finish the artist's way. No expectations, only things I am excited to do but that I usually set aside because they are not a priority. Anyways, watching this while I work on my 2024 journal!! Love the feeling that we're working on these together, haha ;)

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Love that! And that feeling they can rollover so it’s not super stressful. Ease and fun :) So glad you have the tools to help yourself. And yes! Your comment here is helping me still work on my notations so we are working on them together! Thanks so much for sharing 💕

[@mommak7201]

I love this so much! Your thoughts and reflections help me a lot

[@i.am.katiesanders]

@@mommak7201 you are so welcome!!! Hearing this made my day :)

[@gracia.oletsa]

such a helpful insight away from the popular and deeply draining norm of goal-setting. thank you for recording this; it also gave me a sense that i can also start doing youtube videos that don’t focus on my face. all in all, encouraging and real!

[@i.am.katiesanders]

You are so welcome! That was what I was feeling too, just way too drained before even approaching goals. And yes, we want to hear from you whether you show your face or not! Thank you so much for sharing ✨💕✨

[@jonr6680]

Quoting Dr Gabor Maté, folks who 'attract' disease can often have a psychological background of self-imposed diligence, responsibility, duty, and denial of rewards... So being 'selfish' seems hard to suggest is a benefit in a society that is driven by a hidden Calvinist mindset. Worse, self-care is perceived as a weakness or indulgence! The societal pressure to perform, progress, hustle... is toxic. Maté is also a great listen on KZbin, especially if you need to hear some compassion.

[@sambbbb]

The algorithm really came through on this one lol. I really appreciate seeing how you utilized the goal pages to remind you of your available tools. Earlier this year I started a nervous system regulation program to help with POTS/dysautonomia, and I was absolutely shocked when my ADHD and even some of my ASD symptoms started to drastically improve. I think I'm going to use the goals page to sort of map out which NS tools are best for which situations for me, as sometimes that reminder can be so helpful! I'm doing drastically better on all fronts, but it's so important to make sure I'm doing upkeep, staying regulated, and slowly challenging myself to do hard things (in a gentle, loving way). I have some intentions for things I want to work on next year (decluttering, addressing my PDA profile through IFS/trauma therapy, getting outside more, less screentime, etc) but from a very chill place

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Love that you are approaching from a chill place. That’s a lot to deal with and it takes patience and time that others don’t realize is important. So so glad you found this video and found it helpful. That you so much for watching and commenting ✨💕✨ (I just got out of surgery and am woozy so I hope I am coherent 🫣😅)

[@Wayfarer889]

Do you mind sharing the nervous system program? My daughter has POTS and ADHD, too. Curious if this might be a good fit for her.

[@sambbbb]

@@Wayfarer889 Sure! I did Primal Trust.

[@sambbbb]

@@Wayfarer889 Sorry I never saw this! I did Primal Trust and it's incredible :) Highly recommend!

[@vegasplannergirl673]

I am also a chronically beautiful mess and I feel you so much. Thank you for sharing.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

I love that identification! And you are so welcome. Glad to have you here :) ✨💕✨

[@Ive_kept_an_agenda]

❤ this is my second time watching this. I’m trying to see what and how to integrate this in my planning. You are brilliant!

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Thank you! You can use the Matrix I made if you want, or just make a grid in your notebook.

[@Ive_kept_an_agenda]

@ Thank you for that suggestion!

[@Sovereign.Alignment]

I don’t have a chronic illness but this video was so helpful for me as a mama of four littles with another one on the way. Between homemaking, homeschooling and everything else I have found it very difficult to achieve traditional “goals” this last decade and eventually after failing many times I was discouraged and gave up. Wanting to “prep” for the new year, seeing everyone else do their goal setting, I was feeling very sad, honestly. This gave me hope and helped me think of an approach that is very different. Your idea of “toolkits” especially. It was really helpful to hear you process your thoughts in this video. Thank you so much for sharing this! 🦋🦋🦋

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Yes! I really didn’t talk about parenting during this but absolutely it applies very very similarly. Your bandwidth is so crunched and your energy can be low. So so glad this helped and just thinking about not making goals, even after this video, is releasing so much stress. Thank you so much for watching and commenting ✨💕✨

[@missfl0werstar]

I use Alexis Kingsley's old goal setting workbook. That's the only way I can "goal plan" and it's changed my life. I skip long term visualizing and just imagine what a perfect day would look like in 6 or 12 months and take it from there. Then the system breaks it down to tiny daily actions, moving backwards. This is the only day I can think about goals as something I can grasp and achieve.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

That's really interesting. It also looks like her workbook is really visual as well? Do you find that helps? (Colors, breaking things down, shapes and diagrams.) It helps so much to look at the small things you can do daily to not be overwhelmed and not take action.

[@user-zn4fy5ye7l]

I love this, just did my version of it. A lot of things you said resonated.. and made me realized how much space I can give myself to just live versus trying to get through a check list. A lot of KZbinrs have that check list mentality and it's so tiring. It's nice to feel like someone understands we are not machines.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Yes!! I love this! And so glad it resonated. Thank you so much for watching and commenting ✨💕✨

[@TheArtofImperfectPlanning]

I can totally relate to this video at the same time I need structure and goals more than ever and the two facets of life are conflicting. I have been a non-traditional college student since 2020 and am in my senior year. But in August my world stood still when I was diagnosed with autoimmune condition(s). I started my senior year, the same week I received confirmation of my illnes. My sister has been dealing with autoimmune for decades so I understood the implications and it sent me reeling. I literally could not function between Aug - early DEC and I still had to complete my coursework . It was a trainwreck. I graduate in May and need the goals and planning to get back on track after my worst semester on record. Luckily, my mental health has returned to normal and I am able to deal with things much better than a few months ago. Sometimes we just have to roll with what life throws our way. I am lucky in the sense that my symptoms have been managable and not required agressive treatments or surgury. Hang in there!

[@i.am.katiesanders]

So happy to hear your mental health, that you worked hard on, is better! That’s huge. And yes, there are times when you have to take a break from goals and times when you really need them and the structure you are talking about. I would love to talk about that soon in my videos. Not only is each person’s needs different, but those needs fluctuate too. Without guard rails you can feel too unmoored. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for watching ✨💕✨

[@ricebeansrockroll882]

For me it has helped to keep the goals both abstract and concrete (I know that dosen't make sense but hear me out, it will, kinda). Like first is a abstract goal of idk, say being more educated. The concrete goal might be to finnish a specific course. So the concrete goal files in under the abstract one, and then daily task is to move towards the abstract, not the concrete, goal. That way I'm constantly chipping away at whatever level I'm able, and looking back even after having a bad period I will have gotten a little closer. Like on a good day i might work towards the concrete goal, actually take a class etc, then on a bad day the thing I might do is find a audiobook on youtube on the subject and listen to that as I go to sleep. And then of course there are days I don't even do that. But I noticed that allowing my goals to be abstract helps me feel more in control during times when I am just not healthy enough to reach measureble goals. And it keeps me connected to the life I want during times when it's bad, like my pain can't steal that from me. And honestly, just passively listening to a audiobook on something like programming with python going to bed, even if it feels like you wouldn't learn anything from it, once you actually have the option to act on the goal it's amazing how much your brain has picked up passively. Like it dosen't have to concretely move you towards your goal, sometimes just _feeling_ like you do can help feeling slightly more in control.

[@MsNikkiCrucio]

Thank you! I am Neurodivergent & I have a chronic disease. Thank you very much

[@i.am.katiesanders]

You are so welcome! So glad you enjoyed ✨💕✨

[@jonr6680]

42:05 Yes, brain fog from any illness, but Crohn's impact on the digestive tract (the "second brain") is a big drain on thinking and motivation... And of course energy.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Loved all your comments and will respond to this one as I heal up from surgery today. So so right about the grieving part. I was diagnosed last year but it is only starting to sink in the last few months and facing my new patterns and care. And how much the digestive tract does play a part. It’s why I do talk about planning, as best as one can, their energy and being so flexible. Thank you so so much for all your comments and for watching ✨💕✨

[@lesliedem2682]

Recently diagnosed with a chronic illness and navigating it all in combination with trying to plan as I normally would for the new year has been challenging to say the least. So many gems and 'light bulb' moments for me in this video, realising that I can/should change how I approach 'goal setting', if I even choose to do so in 2024. Thank you soo much for sharing

[@i.am.katiesanders]

You are so so welcome. It’s so hard to navigate and also it can change over time. Some strategies that worked six months ago don’t work now. I am switch up meds soon and will be seeing how that affects my energy. It makes me so happy that you found this so helpful. That’s my only goal here. Is to help people figure out what is best for them and navigate away from the shoulds if it’s not right for them and their situation. Thank you so much for watching and commenting ✨💕✨ (I just got out of surgery and am a little woozy so I hope this response is coherent 🫣)

[@missfl0werstar]

There are different kinds of goals and I find I resonate more with the type that's not supposed to be 'achieved' but is more like a value or guiding beacon. Like I want/need more calm in ny life and I'm not a failure if I dont 'achieve' it but its something I aspire toward and that can guide my actions. So if I can't move toward it in any big way for some reason, it's nice to keep it in mind and use my strategies in a way that's not contradictory to my goal(s). And when I have the energy/bandwidth, it can guide my choices. I can't have quantifiable goals, my brain rejects them, but feelings and impressions are great motivators for me. So 'having a tidy home' or 'picking up every evening' are rather meh goals for me, but 'feeling relaxed in my home' and 'recharging at home after work' are things I can put in my spread and brainstorm little things to do to help me get there. Sometimes shoving all the toys in a corner out of sight is all I can manage, and that's okay.

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Very much agree. I think that's what lead me to try something new this year. The quantifiable ones weren't working and I too want to shift more towards values-based ones. As you said, it gives a lot more room for the days where you need to just shove things to the side and it still gives you that peace because that's all you can handle. Thanks so much for watching and sharing 💕

[@ninahewitt7047]

I have a chronic illness with chronic pain, and have a ton of ups and downs. It was very sudden onset and after countless procedures and tests, I’ve been having a hard time riding the way I used to with the extreme focus on productivity. I find it makes me feel much worse to set my sites on long term goals. I have some intentions set out for the year like “be more spontaneous” or “choose fun more often” etc. but I cannot quantify or plan those things out. And my whole life has been goal oriented so much that I feel a bit lost and unsure of how to proceed. Thanks for this video. I feel seen! ☺️

[@i.am.katiesanders]

You are welcome! And I totally agree. I would love to talk more about intentions too and I love those that you listed for yourself. How do you quantify and how do you track? You could journal about it and note when you feel content and happy to see that reflected, but maybe we don’t need to and just see if there is time between pain and low energy to see if there is an opportunity to live that intention. Productivity and planning are so engrained in me too but I am learning to lean into all the flexibility and look for pockets of peace that I have heard others talk about. Just take a better moment for day instead of forcing anything close to a goal. Thank you so much for watching and commenting ✨💕✨ (responding after surgery today so I am hoping this is coherent 🫣)

[@jonr6680]

Another reference I've forgotten sorry, but basically trauma or sickness creates real loss, which is no different to loss like grieving, like bereavement. Individuals are expected to just buck up and tough it out! This is insanity. People need to go through the grieving process in their own way and own time.

[@jonr6680]

Also, don't forget the Insta effect - many channels are completely fictional. Planners are no different. Maybe worse bc it's easy to SAY they are doing so much and so successful and so happy and so wealthy... And yt is like a keyhole - channels can present this tiny view of their 'perfect' life, while the rest of their real home is a trainwreck.

[@jonr6680]

Crohn's is a nightmare for the individual, and made worse in the public realm bc other people can't SEE anything wrong. And we know people are mostly mean selfish & ignorant...

[@FeralJournal]

Love angel numbers and as of writing this 333 views. 🪽✨

[@i.am.katiesanders]

Love that! I saw your comment earlier as I was waking up from surgery and then on the way home saw 2:22. Very lucky day. Thanks so much for commenting ✨💕✨