how I knew I was transgender (and liked girls)

Coming out started a long time ago for me. First time was 6 years ago and that's when I came out for liking girls. Second time was 2,5 years ago when I came out as a trans guy/nonbinary. Here's how I figured it all out!
1:06 - 4:07 coming out as gay
4:07 - end coming out as transgender
Love,
Noah
My Links
►INSTAGRAM: @noah.hella
►SPOTIFY: open.spotify.com/user/pievieplee

[@allisonh5491]

i remember the first time i walked into urban outfitters and bought stuff from the men’s section, it was liberating

[@themoribundapathetic4530]

Waiting for that moment lol

[@aaronzayden3765]

A trick: watch movies on Flixzone. Me and my gf have been using them for watching all kinds of movies lately.

[@chadkarsyn4452]

@Aaron Zayden yup, I have been watching on Flixzone} for years myself :D

[@redrockasrama7215]

Yes dresses make me feel like a drag queen as well.

[@loversspit]

I’m in love with your voice!

[@NoahHella]

Celty :)

[@jihyun4062]

Best intro ever! XD

[@NoahHella]

Yiro Hyun haha tnx

[@spiritedrenee9895]

I'm pansexual and non binary. I was so confused for the past 3 years. You're channel and others have helped me though, for the last 6 months. (:

[@ebogar42]

You're still fucking confused.

[@zosiafoks1752]

Great song for the intro 👏🏻👍🏻

[@sherambles7414]

I honestly don't know anymore if I am trans or nonbinary. I am terrified to transition at all, I am 25 and married to a VERY straight man. I just look at you and I am so jealous and happy for you that you are so incredibly handsome. On the other hand, wore a really masc outfit the other night and husband complimented it... So it's something I guess! Anyways I am really really glad you post videos. Thank you.

[@sandsmarc]

At this point you should stay female and simply endure. Sometimes in life you just have to endure. There is no point in trying to imitate something that it is impossible for you to truly be. You presumably love your husband. Enjoy life, have some kids, stay with reality, and find happiness in something other than your gender, which is immutable. Happiness is achieved by focusing on goals and bringing value to others. Much more important than being “seen” by strangers as something you are not. Simply focus your energy on more important things, like creating, and having a good career, or raising a family, and bringing happiness to your mate and yourself. Following an expensive, narcissistic, and absurd path to being an imitation male will never make you happy. So don’t go there.

[@NoahHella]

Go see a gender therapist and share your feelings with your husband. I’m sure he loves you and want to support you whatever the outcome is. Good luck!

[@sherambles7414]

Noah Hella Hey thank you for replying! I actually ended up telling him what I have been going through and coming out as nonbinary. He has been pretty supportive and I plan to get a reduction to help with dysphoria (and health issues, currently a K cup) which is something we had already previously discussed. So just coming out and his reaction to it (neutral-positive) really helped a lot with the questioning and I realized I am definitely NB. Doing much better mentally now. Thank you again for your videos. :)

[@clrenee2122]

I was married for 10 yrs, had 2 kids, tried to conform, be something i thought was expected of me. 5 yrs after my divorce, I had an epiphany, everything made so much sense i knew deep inside already, lots of red flags over the years..... Trust me, stuffing it deep down inside made me a miserable person, and a horrible parent, friend, partner. Go see a gender therapist, they'll help you work out everything in your head! It's kept me sane this year!

[@leeiapalucci136]

Not gonna lie, this made me emotional because of how relatable it was. Thank you for sharing your story

[@NoahHella]

Ali Iapalucci no problem ❤️

[@dansenkat]

You talking about how you felt that your real body was underneath what you already have... it really hit home. Thank you for sharing!

[@Lgisas]

You’re really cute Noah.

[@LeMotMista]

Outstanding story here, Noah. I'm just an aging cis-hetero dude, near-zero interaction with lgbtq folks in my insular life, but I've been deep-diving into trans stories 'cos I need to KNOW, ya know? Don't wanta exit this mortal coil as ignorant as I entered it… Your "Paint It Black" intro is smashing, and then your three-part narrative of your coming out takes off with smooth assurance - your eloquent ease pulls us along for the ride. Clearly, your journey has lotsa terrain ahead - quite a trip awaits you, I'm sure. Make the most of it, and keep us all informed, your KZbin audience, as you stake out unexplored, ever-changing vistas…

[@evolies]

In the beginning of this video I was like ''Huh, I relate so much to Noah's story. Our coming out journeys are actually reeeeally similar (I'm a 17 year old transmasculine person), hahah that's kinda weird..'' but then you said that watching Pretty Little Liars is what made you realise you liked girls, and I was like ''????????????????'' because that's literally exactly what happened to me when I was 11?? And now I'm convinced we're the same person just a few years apart???? Help???????

[@NoahHella]

Loke hahaha crazy shit are you also thinking of doing filmschool? 😏

[@evolies]

Uummm.. well... yeeeah???? I have actually?????? I'm gonna keep writing question marks until the world makes sense????????

[@Yayatube03]

Noooaaah!💗😎 also nice intro😍

[@senecarus_whitur]

Woah dude. I found out that I am bisexual and that sorta started my whole 'gender questioning' process which I had ignored for a long time. I felt very similar to the way you felt. This is really helping.

[@NoahHella]

Sonja Gottschalk that’s great! I mean shitty about the dysphoria part but I’m glad this video helped :)

[@senecarus_whitur]

@@NoahHella yeah... thanks! I've been fighting myself a lot lately... I have some mental health problems and blamed my trans-feelings on them.

[@millie6679]

This was comforting :)

[@marelieoosthuizen2793]

Noah! Me being me is always scared to do things since I watched your videos I'm relaxed and because of you I have the inspiration to do a FTM trans.. you rock my world thanks!

[@lakehounds7970]

i'm really glad that you and others make videos like this; i have a lot of self-doubt like somehow every *other* transguy/nb is valid except me, that somehow i'm lying or faking - but what you described is exactly how i feel and it's really reassuring. especially at the moment, since i recently came out to my parents and they're taking it kinda hard. keep on keeping on

[@themoribundapathetic4530]

Oh big mood

[@noahwinegarden4838]

Hey man! my coming out stories are really alike to yours! Thanks for sharing your story! 😊

[@wren6048]

thanks so much for sharing Noah! you’re such a rad person! i’m really happy for you, it’s so cool to see the journey you’ve been on.

[@wren6048]

& i low key geared up a bit during the part when you admitted to yourself that you were trans. i related so much, as well as the part where you talked about being ready for all the changes right away and your family being a bit uneducated/ worried and not ready right away. i’ve definitely struggled with this. my parents are very religious (mormon) and will most likely never be on board, but it’s something i think a lot about. i feel like over the past 5 years there’s been an influx of resources for queer people (at least where i live in Canada) but not as much for friends and family or possible allies. it’s super tricky to navigate because for most trans & queer people, they end up taking on the sole responsibility of having to educate the people around them... and like, that’s a fuck ton of emotional labour - especially when you’re still exploring and figuring it out for yourself and are possibly feeling super dysphoric and exhausted. it’s honestly so interesting to experience and it’s neat to see how similar but also how different people’s experiences can be.

[@Edgartripp]

Awesome video ❤️🙌🏻 love your intro!!

[@vapor4den]

Keep being Who you are, coz youre beautiful ! 😘

[@NoahHella]

vapor4den thanks ❤️

[@LukaHauptmann]

hey Noah, thanks for sharing this. It's always cool to hear other people' journeys and your story is especially helpful because it is very similar to mine and I can relate to lots of things you mentioned. keep up the great work! :)

[@pimpampet13]

Super video Noah 👍🏻

[@matthiasausfrankfurt]

12:40 - 12:55 Thank you for sharing this with us. You are wonderful.

[@bobabyisjustsoazy]

loved the video noah. 💖

[@esther1535]

Oehh nice intro man!

[@Laurapeetje]

Hee, ik kwam je video tegen al KZbin-ent: wat een toffe, slimme dude ben je. Mooie video's en mooi en inspirerend om te zien hoe comfortabel je bent geworden in wie je bent! :)

[@daileydrawss]

This has been so helpful for me thank you! I've been struggling with body dysphoria since I was little and always been more tomboy and never felt I should have been born a girl either. Over time I too came out as gay but also agender but as the years went by in still struggling with the body I'm in as I dont think it is right for me and having this video helped put more into perspective for me. Thank you!

[@NoahHella]

Nicole Dailey that’s amazing, good luck w your journey :)

[@rileys58]

So happy for you Noah. Your story and Transformation is beautiful like you. Now people who are lost can find hope in your truth as you did the same when you needed it

[@alexvandervelden6654]

Hi Noah, I'm also from the Netherlands (Alphen aan den Rijn) and I am 17 yo ftm transgender. I only told my parents in May how I felt and haven't told my brothers and sisters. My parents say that they want me to be the person I am and it doesn't matter if I'm a boy of a girl. In the mean time, they have been saying al these things as that I am only trans because of people on KZbin and that it is just hormones that make me feel this way (which is right, I don't like them) but they think that I should wait till after puberty, and biologically speaking puberty is over when you become around the age of 24. So my parents said in an conversation with jeugd en gezinzorg that they don't care or will accept me, but I an the person from jeugdzorg didn't get the feeling that they will support medical transition or even calling me an other name which isn't my profile name. I have two questions for you, How long did it take your parent to accept you for who you are and How do I start an conversation with my siblings (brothers 15 an 24, sister 13, 24yo brothers girlfriend is 23)? I hope you can help me Bye from Alex (dutch pronunciation) if you now an other cool name that starts whit an A please tell me. No-one calls me by a boy name jet. I also told some friends but not my whole class so I can't have them call me Alex and since my brother an sister go to the same school as me I don't want them to find out that way.

[@mbreeesh]

I can totally relate to you. I went through the same things to changing my name, binding my chest, and finding theirs other options. I feel you.

[@unspokenvoices3399]

I really loved watching this...I can relate to parts of this video.Thanks for sharing this with us ! I know this is gonna help people

[@NoahHella]

that's all I can wish for

[@terrajonathans29]

Eyy I bought my first clothes of the man section from the H&M too! I went to the store tho..that was scary af cut my hair a few months after that. Think your videos are very helpful for a lot of people and its nice to watch a trans youtuber from the netherlands ( im dutch too)

[@jonathannakanichi1487]

Your videos have been very helpful to me, when I was confused about my gender I spent weeks/months watching several videos on youtube made by trans guys or non-binary people, and your channel was one of them. It was so fucking confusing bc I didn't feel like most trans guys I was watching, but the 'non-binary' identity made sense almost instantly, it was just what I needed to understand who I am. I'm now 8 months on T and I still love watching you change, I've been thinking I might be more binary than I thought at first too, not that it matters anymore, it just kinda made me feel more connected to you (in a non-creepy way) bc you have seriously been one of my references through my discovery(ies) and it feels nice to see that I'm definitely not alone in this, in all of this, so thank you Noah and my best wishes for you, always.

[@tmbboehmke]

Thank you for this video. It helps to hear from another trans person on T. I don't have anyone in my life that is ftm, to discuss things with.

[@Sicsen]

I thought this vid was gonna be you coming out as gay 😂

[@NoahHella]

Sicsen Well I’m bi so you’re half right ;)

[@peytonhollieday6458]

i really relate to your descriptions of your dysphoria

[@wouterschendelaar]

je bent een topper!! respect x

[@Bartkonig]

Cool video Noah, keep it up! 😎

[@NoahHella]

Bart Konig Thanks Bart :)

[@myrkflinn4331]

My effort to be awoman was worse: long hair failed, didnt take care of it, couldnt even do it in a ponytail (was also due to my autism and struggling to understand how things worked for years, but even if I learned it, I sucked at keeping it clean and felt just uncomfortable with long hair and girl's clothes, then I did short hair and boy ish clothes, body still felt off, bad, I felt like I just functioned somewhat but I felt so unhappy and judged on my looks 'still do', especially when they bring up my female body parts and then it came; the thoughts, what if I were a man? cos I always thought that, but that time, I did properly, finally got proper eduation about the whole LGBTQ and knew: I like girls but I am not a woman... straight guy? yes, and finally, it clicked, everything felt better, everything made sense. And I wont return ever to my previous state ever from now on! I would just to be go back to that hidy hole/hidden place, but now I transitioned and I honestly know it is a necessity now and not a choice cos without my T, I flip out, without working out and getting rid of the weird shapes and such, I freak out now. I could settle into it, but nope, and why? Cos Im a guy and I know what is best for my mental health now. I like to get out of my comfortzone, ONLY if it will make me happy in the end, not stuck and lost. And transitioning is that what does the happy thing!

[@holamovie9343]

that intro was so cool

[@adamelu1908]

Damn I just realized Im a big fan noah

[@EB-dk8hb]

i experience the same thing with feeling my head is put onto another body. I recognize when talking to other trans guys or when watching youtubers, that others experience same things as me, as weird as i think they are. Makes me feel less weird :')

[@robertrist2300]

Your heart is the best Noah and you are the best the kind of person I would trust you with anything in life and who ever comes your love they will have the best of the world as a love or best friend to and I believe in you too this video was your best one ever I do would do anything in the world for you my friend from Nashville Tennessee take care Noah

[@sarahs6230]

Can someone help me? I don't really understand how you can be both a transgender boy and non-binary? If someone can explain that for me, I'd like to understand.

[@elliebroadhead3592]

Noah your voice is beautiful!

[@NoahHella]

Charlie Broadhead Charlie, Thank you!!

[@leyadam7284]

Relate so so so muuuuch at this

[@clover2321]

I love these videos there so amazing

[@mino9377]

I actually rlly love your voice

[@NoahHella]

Mashaal Khalidi thaaanks :)

[@danizijlstrax]

I had the same with pretty little liars🤙🏻

[@linneamariequentin8216]

I had the same with the MTVshow "Faking it" haha.

[@nilkoc33]

thank you so much for this video. it helped me a lot but i think i will take things slower and for now i will keep on identifying as a masculine lesbian. By the way it first hit me that i might be into girls when emily from pretty little liars came out too! lol

[@paolaramos3036]

Ooof feel you bro

[@yasminajimenez664]

je bent een mooie man Noah van binnen en van buiten :)

[@envyrem]

I remember when I was young I cried when my mom told me I would get boobs At 10 I remember seeing a video about a trans guy and thinking "I'm going to be that when I'm older" I came out a few years ago to a couple friends but I went back in the closet as my family grew suspicious. I grew my hair back out and I've been trying so hard to be feminine. But in the end I always come back to questioning my gender and wanting so bad to be a boy. Everyday I'm so uncomfortable with who I am. I was so happy when I was presenting as male and I wish I said yes when my mom asked if I wanted to be a boy. But I just have to wait it out now.

[@NoahHella]

that makes me sad :( Take care!

[@p00kiechipys19]

You look like bby NF ❤ and i love it

[@keirastorm6563]

Oh, do you mean Emily Fields in PLL?

[@NoahHella]

oh yes

[@eiroswrld9825]

idk why but this video rly helped me understand how transgender people really feel before they transition

[@montse3227]

Off topic but I love your tattoo on your wrist 😍

[@NoahHella]

Montse thanks!!

[@adrianz5614]

What Do you study?

[@NoahHella]

Jordan Z Anthropology

[@kjh5574]

Ok but why are all boy trans, I’ve actually seen, sexy ? Coz your looking fine lol EDIT : the trans I “know” (that’s what I can’t formulate...my english is not good enough bc I don’t know you but I know you in the way that I know you exist) There is this big misunderstanding right now, I’m apologizing for the people who thought I was being rude that was not the aim. I formulated it in a bad way that sounds like FETISH and I am not fetishizing trans or anyone NOT all trans are “sexy” TO ME because I haven’t meet all trans in the world and yeah that was my opinion. Again, I’m sorry for what I said. Hope everyone can understand Ps : I thought about deleting the comment but I prefer assuming what I said was wrong

[@NoahHella]

Laur' H thanks for the compliment :) and I don’t agree with your observation tho. Most of the trans guys you see on social media are handsome but I also have seen a lot of them that are not so handsome (in my opinion) just like cis people. They’re just not on social media. So if you want to compliment us on our looks, just say “you’re sexy” or whatever lol and that’s enough ❤️

[@kjh5574]

Noah Hella I’ve seen a lot irl and on social medias and I usually don’t find boys so attractive but maybe bc they were girl before ? Idk...that’s just my opinion haha

[@NoahHella]

yeah ok and you don't mean any harm with this, I see that :) But I'd appreciate if you phrase it a little differently

[@anniehowell6266]

didn't know you were from holland. you sound like english is your first language

[@philip3278]

Are you Dutch?

[@NoahHella]

I am yes

[@philip3278]

@@NoahHella Same!

[@GabiBattaglia]

You’re cute☺️

[@annalovisa]

God he’s cute.

[@theodoreharvey4814]

This is totally off topic but you're hella cute

[@hellosorrymyemailaddressis3413]

BRO YOUR INTRO LMAO

[@vincenttherat195]

dresses don’t make me feel like a drag queen, they just make me feel weird

[@themoribundapathetic4530]

When i wear them i usually don't like them unless they're dark colored and pass as goth.

[@vincenttherat195]

The Moribund Apathetic I feel you

[@ajrwilde14]

everyone can still tell you're a woman tho, nobody's fooled

[@jacobbranham9015]

How? Men can also look like that? Everybodys different like wtf.