unresolved shame will eat you alive

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[@AttemptedClown]

I've felt shame all my life for essentially living as a series of unfinished projects, now I have cancer and I don't have the energy to work on things I didn't finish when I was well, what I'm working on now is becoming ok with that and enjoying my remaining time because shame or not there's still fun to have and I want to grab everything I can still reach

[@pat9590]

wish you the best🙏ik you’ll find happiness in what you accomplish

[@pigeont1221]

I hope you get better soon! inchallah you will be better! Love you

[@LeoRising0416]

Having fun is really valuable, I hope you're able to have a lot

[@JulianSteve]

Wishing you the best of luck. Thank you for sharing with us❤️🙏🏾!

[@Kothe5mv]

Godspeed man. Keep living your life to the best of your ability. In my thoughts man.

[@praesentia3880]

having feelings isn't cringe. talking about those feelings isn't cringe.

[@samtinkle9076]

feelings are human. humanity isn't cringe. believing that having feelings *is* cringe... isn't cringe. it's pitiable, it's not a good belief, but it's not cringe to believe that, because you can learn and change that belief.

[@praesentia3880]

@@samtinkle9076 Self compassion is key 𓇢𓆸

[@moldycarrot9267]

break down cringe pls

[@bassekaman8315]

Wrong

[@symmetrydprk]

yes it is dude

[@ilikestuff7598]

My own bipolar causes a pattern of embarrassing behavior, followed by shame. Rinse. Repeat.

[@sunnystarthe]

Me w autism. I can't even get up anymore

[@kintuppa]

I'm sorry. I feel the same way.

[@cpetersen6454]

right. i feel like im constantly picking up the pieces from a previous episode.

[@sorawakabayashi]

It won’t always be that way. There are ways to manage episodes. Getting there is hard as fuck, but it’s possible ♡ Godspeed

[@ilikestuff7598]

@@sorawakabayashi well I mean… I take my medicine. And all my years it’s taken a lot to know my own regimen. But you cannot live the life of someone that doesn’t have it. That’s the fallacy that everyone thinks about disabilities. If only he would just treat his depression, he would magically be cured. If only he would just wear hearing aids, he wouldn’t be deaf anymore. He’d be just like us.

[@reidtrevar]

I've heard guilt described as "I did something bad," and shame described as "I am something bad." I have felt a lot of shame about OCD thoughts, and this distinction helped me seperate those feelings a little bit. Thanks for talking about it.

[@st.valentineArt]

Dr. K said shame is the distance between where you want to be and where you are now. I think we can neutralize this emotion and see what it has to teach us.

[@misslayer999]

Love love love Dr K!

[@1152pm]

that's a positive spin on this awful feeling! lol shame is exactly like that when i think about it. it's always about doing something and looking back and feeling like that moment describes a part of myself i wish i didn't have, a part of me i wish i could change. why? because that's not who i want to be. the thing that gets me is that maybe there are certain parts of us that cannot change to the point we would like it to. also even when we do change and get to that first personality goal we will always change this ideal of how we' d like to be, and comparing ourselves to it and feeling ashamed when we behave like the total opposite of that. it can be positive if we use that discomfort as part of what gets us into moving where we want to be. but it's not always like that, some of us get stuck in this familiar discomfort because changing would be way too uncomfortable

[@Remedy462]

What if it is not distance, but existence? What if it is my existence, as in, myself as an individual for being alive and being severely mentally ill and hating myself my entire life and being ashamed of every single moment of it?

[@Asrahn]

I feel shame over the things I've said and done though, not from not being a billionaire or whatever. If I recognize I am a better person now, in no small way owed to the mistakes of my past, but still feel shame over what I've done, what does that mean? Where should I "go" to neutralize it?

[@Stressymessy]

thank you for sharing! All I know about shame, and for reference I literally just started this video and paused it to respond to your comment, is the fact that Brene Brown says vulnerability is the heart of human connection and we cannot have vulnerability without shame. That's all I remember from her talk, the power of vulnerability but I have been embracing shame ever since I heard that talk! Your quote connects the pieces for me ❤

[@WelfareChrist]

I grew up in an abusive house, got hospitalized as a kid alot, my stepdad was a meth dealer, CPS showing up, the whole gross thing of it. I'm 39 now, and it was only in my late thirties that those experiences really started to show up. Something happened one day when I was thinking about the details and I started to not look at what I had been through as me going through it, but just as some random ittle kid, and it came crashing in "Oh my god how fu-----d up all the shit this poor kid had to go through". It was like something was there preventing me from seeing it as this sad thing that happened because it was me it happened to, and if you asked me I'd say that I'm resilient, I'm strong, I know who I am, I'm confident, blah blah blah blah. Turns out I'm also a sad little kid that had to be super brave when the adults around him would constantly beat him up for no reason. And sure, I am more than the consequences of my trauma, but I am ALSO the consequences of my trauma, and somewhere along the line in the course of surviving the last ten years I forgot that. And I find sharing all of this helps. So if you've made it this far: thanks.

[@willd6215]

I feel you. I had the same healing experience when I started to show sympathy for the child in me who was abused. To separate the parts of us is so helpful to hold space for their experience and comfort them

[@hellkitty98]

thank you for sharing. i hope you continue to be the adult that would’ve helped little you out and continue to inspire younger you.

[@nenasummers-shanafelt5126]

This is what happened to me in a way as well, am 37 going through some CPTSD and have recently put in my resignation from work to stay home and work on myself and take care of my family in a way that my parents did not and would not take care of me.

[@madelynnk9727]

I feel shame constantly for my agoraphobia and depression/anxiety. I have a job that's 1/2 working from home, but every time I need to go into the office I call out sick because I'm absolutely terrified. It feels so stupid because its an easy job, I'm just scared of being perceived. millions of people are able to work 40+ hours and I struggle to do half that. Shame sucks.

[@MrMeatballYT]

I know how you feel.

[@black-nails]

What I found is that sitting with that emotion, going to work/ school still and trying to tell someone (not a serious talk, just aknowleging it) when you come there that you are absolutely terrified is helpful. I always feared that I will be too anxious and scared and act weird because of it, but there is nothing truly shameful about being anxious. I stayed home to keep that anxiety to myself, but turns out it's okay to be terrified anywhere lol. It's how it gets better.

[@beerboots]

I struggle with a 20 hour work week. Ashamed I earn so little and ashamed I work so little. I used to struggle with a 12 hour work week after a decade of unemployment due to crippling anxiety and depression. Couldn't walk into the office for an occasional face to face interaction without shaking, sweating and allocating all my mental energy towards not having a panic attack. This particular issue is no longer a problem for me. Failing to adhere to a perceived social expectation of what a 31 year old 'should' be doing, and what he 'should' have accomplished by now... it has been and at times continues to be incredibly destructive. I empathise with your situation deeply and wish you the best.

[@FyerBear]

I hate the 40hr model and crumble any time I even come close. Any work I can do that doesn't tax my mental taxes my physical and eats up my time and energy in a way that feels impossible sometimes. I think a lot of people are realizing work doesn't have to be this way. I hope you find some peace soon, you deserve it

[@thedrewciferian]

@madelynnk9727 You're not alone. I often feel shameful about my own agoraphobic tendencies that make me struggle as a college student in a similar way. I tend to skip class and tell my professors I'm sick when in reality I'm too scared of being perceived. I'm glad to know there are other people out there who feel similarly because it is often really isolating. Just know that other people are not going to be as mean to you as you are to yourself in your own head. That's what I've been having to tell myself, and it has been helping me to overcome the feelings lately. i hope you can find something that works for you one day ^_^

[@danny98432]

i feel crazy shame. idk sometimes i feel like i say something without really thinking about it and then the thinking comes hours after the conversation, then i have a panic attack. i end up mind reading and thinking about how whoever i was talking to thinks im a horrible person now. its just exhausting emotionally.

[@IzzyCherryLime]

I can never stop thinking about the quote from Uncle Iroh: “Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source”… I’ve been dealing with a cycle of crushing guilt for the last year basically and it’s crazy how easily pride can get in your way of actually finding help. And then it’s so humbling to finally realize you’ve been looking in all the wrong places. “The mark of the immature man is to die nobly for a cause while the mark of the mature man is to live humbly for one” -JD Salinger

[@CTHD13]

Pride is the source of shame in more than just not seeking help. Shame is all about measuring yourself, and imagining how people measure you. It’s all about you, just like pride. For example if I greet someone at the grocery store and they don’t acknowledge me, shame says that I must have done something wrong. Shame says their lack of greeting was about me. But maybe they were just really caught worrying in their own head. Maybe they didn’t notice me. When I realize that no one cares about me measuring myself, I am free.

[@thaliaayangla7492]

This video was really comforting I feel like I’m doing nothing but rotting away everyday because the fear of doing anything is overwhelming and now I’m in this cycle of shame and fear and it’s consuming me I have moments of clarity then I just go back to doing nothing and the state of the world isn’t helping idk but it was nice to feel a human connection through this video and these comments

[@anardi7112]

I'm an Old and I still work at untangling decades of dumbass shame. Therapy is a great tool for a lot of people and you can add me to the list of people who say it helps with stuff like this.

[@rat_world]

@@anardi7112 Therapy is wonderful and very helpful once you find a good match of therapist

[@BryanSalyersXD]

You can just say that therapy has helped you, it's okay 👍

[@dmoney5443]

Full agree, I don’t know how I would’ve have worked through stuff like this without therapy. Having someone you trust give you perspective is invaluable

[@emptyinternet]

The older I get the more shame I feel, and the quieter I have become. I basically strive for "say nothing, be nothing" now because the shame is too much.

[@UnkieNic]

You deserve to exist and be yourself. It's okay to be quiet, but you are not nothing. 👍

[@qwertydog9795]

same. was homeschooled and shamed a lot during my teens for well just existing now I just don't know what to do because I'm socially retarded and angry at the fact that I wasn't allowed to grow up at my own pace

[@marbles_machine]

you know, i feel/act pretty similarly- and despite working really hard to undo it, it's very hard to unpack years of compression! but if i've learned anything through the beginning stages of this process, its that people are complex and messy. everything we do is imperfect, regardless of anything else. sometimes shame feels innate, but you don't have to be nothing in order to circumvent this feeling. oftentimes dealing with it just means letting yourself be, wholly and truly, mistakes and everything- we're all constantly learning new lessons and methods to life anyhow !

[@marmadukescarlet7791]

@@emptyinternetthe shame was originally instilled in you by someone else. It doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to them. Give it back! 🐛🦋🩵

[@AttemptedClown]

@@emptyinternet That's really great I've had to fight to find my voice and now that I have it I should remember to cherish it :)

[@MegaMEGATRUCK]

It feels like shame is supposed to be this tool for us to look back on our past failures and realize that we should do better, and yet it tends to stick around after we've already made those realizations and worked to improve ourselves. I'm at a point where I feel like I'll always feel some tinge of shame thinking about my past issues, but I don't allow myself to forget that I'm currently the better person that I was hoping I would become years ago

[@rexis188]

I think it's helpful for shame to stick around. It helps us empathize when we see others making those same mistakes, and maybe helps us help them.

[@xXJAng3lXxx]

I think some of the shame for me, especially with interactions, comes from knowing what I'm doing wrong socially but not knowing how to fix it, or even knowing how to fix it but its like I'm incapable of implementing it... Idk maybe I'm just embarrassed by my own personality and I can't except it and have been incapable of changing it

[@pejazya]

I feel shame for letting myself down.

[@ZoeViola5353]

This hits hard

[@palmpat1147]

I am 42 and just got married to a dime who adores me. But I'm so lonely sometimes and deep down I hate myself. I wish I was your friend and you're 20 yrs Younger than me. I'm ashamed of that. I'm ashamed of being a dirty drug user. Even though I'm also a actual botanist who can name most plants species. I hate my body. My thoughts are stupid and they sound boring and trite and worthless. I wish I knew you. You seem real but you are a screen. Meanwhile I hate my flesh. I need a friend other than my wife. I lost so many friends. Some died. Some drifted. Some I've treated badly. It's too late for me to be cool. To love myself. But I love you, Noah. Why do we do this to ourselves? Even though my body is normal, I covet your hair, your tats, your strong hands. I'm ashamed of those feelings but I haven't given up on at least wanting to improve my self image and how I present myself to the world (myself)

[@rl936]

If you love him, listen to the words he says friend. You’ve recognized the origin of your shame now you must give it up. Rebuild the skeleton: you don’t need to finish construction, you just need to start

[@mossnevaeh]

This is beautiful. You are worth everything and worthwhile and you're beautiful because you're yourself. I am so sorry. And it is never too late to be cool. You must be there for yourself. Cool-ness comes from within. Love yourself and everything else falls into place. I for one think the way you shared this was pretty cool, and I like your words and their cadence. The botany is awesome, and yet another good trait that many share but is unique to you in the context of yourself. Keep going. Go to therapy if you can. I wish I could share the love I have for your pain and existence as a stranger with you. Abstract concepts and reality and just life and existentialism is scary. But you willing to partake is important and rare and there are others like you who feel this pain. with love ❤

[@ThisChangeIsAwful]

its never too late. as long as we get another day to try again its not too late 💜

[@theuncappedneedleyouforgot2664]

If you think about it you’re probably not as bad as you think - but you manufactured consent to build this outlook in yourself and solidify it consistently- just my leap frog moronic guess. Anways good luck. 🕳🧎🦧🦧🦧

[@chaliealexis7471]

He does have nice hair

[@nahaiatours]

Shame is an old friend here. I even can recall being shamed for expressing shame.

[@glyph_official]

the "Is this good? Is this helping you?" direct to camera was such an accurate, pitch-perfect repetition of my sarcastic self-deprecating inner monologue that I laughed out loud. This all sounds like a textbook description of rejection sensitive dysphoria. I can't speak to your personal life but I can tell you I re-watch your older videos and they're great. I loved the aesthetic on this one though, the background music and the muted color grade and the subtle J-cut jump cuts really created a chill, pensive vibe. You started in a good place but you are also clearly evolving and progressing as an artist.

[@konraddickhaus3178]

i feel shame about my past, about my thoughts ( OCD is a bitch babyyy), I feel shame when I'm passionate, when I'm not a perfect version of the character i''m wanting to be. many times I;ve found I just have a negative feeling about it and I'm just angry at having not succeeded. even saying failing is weird to me. for a lot of years I never even thought of something that cause me to feel hope. recently understanding that and my moral ocd has had me thinking about how I want to have thoughts that cause me to feel hope. i;m five minutes into the video but you said you wanted to know what shames us and I thought It might be cool to share.

[@Sijdwnkzdkdk]

Wow, I’ve pretty much had the same experience. I wouldn’t wish OCD on anybody, it’s such psychological torture. I hope you can find peace with yourself one day, you aren’t a failure in the slightest. Society fools us into thinking how or what we should be, but we’re all different. Take care of yourself, buddy Edit: also, I know this is easier said than done, but please try not to feel moral guilt or shame over your OCD thoughts. They are your condition, not you.

[@ivy8091]

Hey I have this too. Lately I’ve been labelling my thoughts as intrusive. They can be so convincing that I think it’s me but a lot of thoughts are so automatic that we don’t even have time to process and categorize them. If I feel bad after a thought I always try to remind myself that it is intrusive and not reflective of my true intentions. I find talking about it helps too, being honest when I have these thoughts and having safe people to tell me that it’s okay is very helpful.

[@xXJAng3lXxx]

I pretty certain I don't have ocd, but I've had some bad periods where my thoughts don't feel controllable, those bad thoughts that bother me so much that I have to chant weird little things like it'll make sure they don't come true, or yelling at my mind to shut up. usually I can just brush them off but I think during particularly anxious or stressful periods its worse. But they do make me feel shame, even though I know they're not based on what I believe or want, I don't like them I've heard of people with ocd having similar coping mechanisms which has made me wonder, but I don't think its quite the same severity

[@joy-wire]

I'm ashamed of myself for living with my mom and being on antidepressants at the ripe old age of 25. Not because I consider meds taboo (I don't and I'm open about my issues) or that I live with a parent (my mom is a saint, also I have a full time job and we share expenses equally), but because I'm obsessed with being as independent as possible. Truth is that my dad was narcissistic and most of my life consisted of mental warfare. That led to living my teenage years in deep depression and making an attempt on my life just after middle school. Along with fantasies of running away to live in the mountains or whatever. Now I'm actually happier than ever, and I'm only here because of my mom, therapy, and being forced to interact with people at work. We moved away from my dad and he has no idea where we live, which is more than ideal. I never really expected to live to 20. But still, it eats me up inside that I needed help from others. That I should have sucked it up and not let that stuff affect me. Obviously it doesn't work like that, but I still dream of moving to another continent and starting over. Edit: Thanks guys ε>

[@iheartlreoy8134]

Suck what up? Don’t worry about it don’t frame your experience in what ever anyone else has it’s all different and we have approximately 75 years left you’re doing great

[@sorawakabayashi]

@@joy-wire spooky how similar our circumstances are. What brings me a lot of peace is knowing that everyone leads their own unique path. There’s no “one-size-fits-all”. Fuck the status quo, and also fuck narcissistic parents

[@RandomCityBlues]

Don't feel ashamed, I was with my mother into my 40's after moving back in my 30's. I started meds 3 years ago and things started to change. I have the best relationship with my mom now, and she helped me find my own place with a down payment. You're still very young, don't worry about being 25.

[@carpo719]

Don't feel bad I have a friend who's on antidepressants and lives with his mom and he's 45. 😊 there's no shame in living with family. We all do what we have to and things are expensive now

[@njay4361]

Hard to "suck it up" when it comes to abuse. Emotional abuse is abuse and it requires healing, not suckinv it up. Hugs!!

[@mememan3799]

I have shame about putting myself out there to the world and being seen by others. I got bullied as a kid and when I anyone makes a comment about me now I like freeze up and disassociate. Gonna do some things to try and battle through that.

[@amber4305]

I'm the same way and I'm almost 30. It's crazy like I'm a grown adult, I'm allowing other people to take away my emotional security at this point. Because I have the ability to stand up for myself and or walk away when a negative situation happens. I'm also working on the not freezing and fawning part as well.

[@glilimith]

A couple videos ago you mentioned the importance of going outside and talking to people, and I realized that I'd gotten used to most of my relationships being online, and worked up the courage to go try finding a meetup. It had been a while since I'd talked to strangers, but I found an activity that didn't seem intimidating and convinced myself to go. It wasn't perfect, but I think it was a step in the right direction and I want to push myself to try again because I do think it was good for me. We're all on our own little journeys and I think it's helpful to see you on here being honest about your own, not as a "I turned my life around and so can you" kind of deal, but as a "I still mess up but I want to keep trying" kind of deal. Seeing someone else keep fighting even though it's still a struggle I think lends others the courage to do the same. So, thank you Noah for sharing your own journey, and to everyone reading this: I'm proud of you for every time you try again at something scary, even if it's something small.

[@RawDealCo]

Adhd, codependency issues, and a mixed bag of addictions means I've lived a f'ed up life full of regrets. I keep wondering if I'll ever be good enough to be involved in people's lives or if I should just become a recluse hermit

[@Avaxity]

exact same for me too, and you’ll be good enough, it just takes some work and time. also to have people in your life that understand and accept you, is huge. 🫶🏼

[@kiacating8029]

My whole therapy session today was about how I realized recently that I lie all the time, unintentionally, without even realizing, usually because the truth of what I'm actually feeling/thinking feels shameful. I got so used to hiding it all and pretending from a young age, as many people do. Then I find myself feeling ashamed for feeling ashamed because all things considered my childhood wasn't all that bad. Then it becomes shame all the way down. I'm working on accepting and untangling it all, without judgement. Thank you for posting this and getting real about shame, a lot of us need to talk more about it. This is helpful.

[@kristenhicks2504]

i feel shame for the fact that i exist, and every aspect of my existence. for example, i feel shame about the resources it takes to sustain my existence, i feel shame about my body, i feel shame about my interests. nowhere near an exhaustive list. i have been thinking about shame a lot recently, and i've realized the shame is caused by the fact that i was forced to exist without my consent by my parents, my family, and even my society had a hand in forcing my existence, but then all of these entities have brainwashed me into believing that i don't deserve this existence that they forced upon me without my consent!! this is also the reason why i cannot bear a single second of my existence, because this world is an absolute nightmare. (edited for clarity)

[@annernas]

thank you for writing this

[@kristenhicks2504]

@@annernas thank you for reading! i can't stop sharing my feelings and beliefs and trauma dumping about the horrors of this world all over the internet like i go insane if i try to keep it in. but it doesn't seem to really reach anyone, or least of all actually /reach/ them, so i'm just really glad you got some value out of my words.

[@mossnevaeh]

@@kristenhicks2504 I absolutely love sharing the horrors of this world over the internet as well!!! Your words are valuable and so are you. I wish one day you can see it. Because that's truly an agonizing feeling.

[@TheAzul_Indigo]

What is a villain to the villains? A hero. Take everything they give you and give nothing in return. They made you, they owe you. Have the best life you can.💙

[@kristenhicks2504]

@@TheAzul_Indigo i must be doing something right then, because the villains definitely don't see me as a hero. i wish someone had said that to me as a kid tho. i mean i kinda figured it out on my own, but not succinctly enough to live by it in the face of all the brainwashing. i want to shout this from rooftops, i want to make shirts quoting you and see the quote on billboards. i wish they taught kids that in schools, but that wouldn't be good for their economy.

[@EdibleGlue369]

It's important to understand and observe shame vs guilt in times like this. Guilt normally boils down to "I DID something bad" and people tend to avoid that feeling of guilt because they feel bad about what they did and they don't want to do it again. With shame however, it boils down to "I AM bad, because XYZ" and unfortunately this can lead to shame cycles. In cases of addiction for example, an addict may wake up feeling like shit because they went on a bender last night. They tell themselves they're a terrible person, a piece of shit, etc. and then those negative emotions will feed into thier addiction, continuing the cycle of shame. This is how it can happen in addiciton, but its helpful to show how shame can persist for a long time when you get caught in a funk. These cycles are when I start to feel like I'm being eaten alive as well! When my therapist brought this to my attention, I was quickly able to reel myself in and be like, "Hey, cmon man. You did something 'bad' or 'wrong' but you aren't a horrible person!" I personally feel like this has helped improve my self esteem and even made it easier to "let it go" when I feel bad about a mistake I made.

[@mossnevaeh]

wonderfully said ❤❤

[@fletcher447]

Thanks for sharing, it felt cathartic to hear about your experience. I grew up as a Christian who went to church, and as someone who is also gay that really took a toll on me and caused a lot of shame. Shame is something that I’m dealing with each day, but it’s nice to be reminded that I’m not alone.

[@snully99]

Thank you very much Noah. When I watch your videos where you get vulnerable and talk about the struggles of being a person I can confidently say, “He just like me fr”

[@dontpanic5278]

Woke up this morning feeling copious amounts of shame about running away from things that I actually wanted. Like, running away for no good reason other than being scared of happiness or change or potential failure or whatever. Terrible feeling. When you describe shame as "heavy" it's very accurate.

[@LyssaNicole101]

Last year I was doing a lot of trauma healing and involved with that is understanding my shame more and what triggers it. I randomly stumbled upon this lecture on youtube by a psychologist named Christopher Germer. In it, he talked about how shame is a common human emotion that everyone has the capacity to feel, and how self-compassion can be used in response to shame to lessen its grip. This video was mind blowing for me. The idea of responding to my shame with self-compassion was daunting, but it got easier when I conceptualized myself as two beings: the one with the shame, and the one with the compassion, and they were having a conversation. Whereas the shame-self would say “I’m bad, I was made wrong, etc” the compassionate self would say something like “You are not separate from the rest of the species, and you are not the only person who has ever felt this way. Im sorry that you’re having a hard time. It’s okay to acknowledge that this is difficult, and I will love you and treat you with kindness even still.” I found I could hold more empathy and grace for that part of myself if I could imagine myself as an other. Anyways highly recommend “Self Compassion as an Antidote to Shame” by Christopher Germer on youtube

[@caelanmurie-gq2sj]

I was abused as a child. My happy memories felt distant and I didn't think I'd ever experience it again. Long story short, met the love of my life. She helped me so much and cared for me when I couldn't. With her encouragement, we both got therapists, then psychiatrists. Turns out, I have severe ADHD and PTSD. My life felt hopeless and everything felt hard. Like, it was excruciating to do anything that would be beneficial for me. Dirty dishes, left-out food. I'm now on Zoloft and Adderall. I feel like a "Normal" human being. I'm now realizing how severe my depression was. I have no idea how I've made it this far. For the first time in 20 years, I was excited for tomorrow. If you feel like you need help, seek it.

[@unclepappy3823]

I held a door for someone at the gas station on my way out and they didn't look at me or say anything. I then proceeded to spiral into shame and fear for not knowing what I did wrong. Having a thinking brain can be rough

[@ada5851]

Ironically, they could have been caught up in their own shame spiral, too distracted by their own pain to recognize the kind acts around them. Or they were just plain distracted. It's easy to forget other people have their own minds, their own thoughts and worries.

[@samtinkle9076]

broke: WHY IS IT ALWAYS THINKING 😾🧠 woke: please stop...I beg you, *please* stop thinking.😞🧠

[@mossnevaeh]

Others are not a reflection of you. I am sorry they made you feel that way. You didn't do anything wrong

[@xXJAng3lXxx]

me as the guy who didn't say thankyou thinking back on the situation a couple hours later: AH FUCK I FORGOT TO SAY THANKYOU *spirals into an anxious pool of shame for the next day and a half*

[@datguy9408]

They weren’t thinking, who cares.

[@lyoshawatchin]

I think growing up with adhd has changed the way i view myself forever. I was often told im annoying, attention seeking, too loud, too lazy etc. when i thought i was just talking about something i liked or trying my best. I didnt really notice how ashamed and inferior i felt until in my late teens. The entire time before then i was just whole heartedly convinced i am worse than everyone around me and the best course of action is to show as little of me as possible. Now im told im a "good listener" when in reality im just terrified of speaking. I havent improved much and it feels impossible as its such a core trait of me.

[@crowsong8097]

I live with cptsd and depression, and shame is the fn worst. I have legitimate flashbacks that take me back to intense moments of shame. Meds help, but I have kind of had to learn to just roll with it. Your videos are wonderful and I am glad you are here. Thank you for posting.

[@Val19indigo]

I've been dealing with huge self-esteem issues for about as long as I can remember, and I've always felt a lot of shame. Shame about opening up about my feelings, shame about asking for help, shame about not finishing stuff, shame about having said the wrong thing at the wrong time, shame about simply existing and being a burden to everyone who know me; at this point I even feel embarrassed when I walk outside and I'm aware people can perceive me and form thoughts and opinions about me. I hate that it's preventing me from doing so many things. I have finally started seeing a therapist recently and I really hope I find the strength to work on myself, because I'm kinda exhausted by all that shame and self-hate

[@RailwayScholar]

you're good. like everyone else you're in this world against your own will. so adjust your expectations of yourself to that reality.

[@wolfgangotium2777]

Shame is a funny thing. It kept me from watching this video initially because I didn't want to bring up the memories of interactions I feel shameful for. BUT, I was listening to the frontal lobe video and you mentioned this video and how shame and guilt are different things, and that made me immediately go back to this video and watch it intently. Thanks Noah, you mullety poo bear ❤️

[@throwawayschnitzel]

i appreciate all these people sharing their stories and what they've gone through. To me, shame is like a virus that rots the whole of an entire activity. For example, i can't practice my instrument anymore because i remember how bad i am at it, or i cant play sports since when i was a kid i was shunned for not being good at them. eventually it spreads to everything and you can't even get up in the morning.

[@granth9942]

I feel shame for my feelings, for my poor social skills, for my vices (drugs, porn, online distractions), and for my inability to overcome or even recognize my issues. I also feel shame for many of the coping mechanisms I habitually partake in (the above plus isolating, excessive eating, wasting away in my bed). I don't remember a time in life that I felt accepted, I've always been told (explicitly or implicitly) to stuff myself down and become small or else I would be criticized, yelled at, bullied, or neglected. It makes me feel crazy even talking about it. By all other accounts I had a great childhood and life. Excellent education, plenty of nature and outdoors, all my basic needs met and more. But I've come to accept, slowly, that I was failed. The people around me, despite any good intentions, failed to let me thrive early on, and continued to ignore the issue as I grew. I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever fully get over it, it's such a huge loss - the loss of oneself. But I'm trying, very gradually

[@laynepieri4214]

Talking about that feeling of waiting for something. I totally get it. This video feels very important. Thanks.

[@Nuenuen]

You’re doing great! This video made me cry and realize a lot of things and I want to say thank you for that. Thank you for helping me Mr Samsen. Love your videos dude

[@aingosay]

haven't finished watching yet but when i saw that u uploaded this earlier it felt so weird because i had just been obsessing over the realization of how shame also has had a grip on me for a long time. i had just started acknowledging it as a big part of my life. it's so heavy.

[@cassisregular]

noah i feel exactly the same things you are describing. it somethimes gets to the point that i just feel shamed for being alive, and then i have small periods where i feel confident and happy and then i feel ashamed for feeling good and i feel sad and ashamed again.

[@jazzombi9680]

Im disabled autistic and super sick and ive got ptsd etc…. Shame is a huge thing for me aswell and im aware how illogical it is. I feel ashamed for not being able to take care of myself… if my legs dislocate and i stumble i immidiatly feal fear that someone is gonna try to help me. I need help despritly but i feel like im worthless if i receive help. Which makes it hard to ask for help. I feel ashamed for taking up space of any kind taking up money resorces and time.. and energy especially. people getting water for me or needing to help me shower. Childhood ptsd is the root cause and then becoming sick as a kid then disabled just made it all worse. As a kid shame is how i was taught right from wrong by some of the abusive people in my life. If i did somthing wrong i was shamed. I also have a dissociative disorder. If plans change i will panic and cry. So much random stuff. I have memories from 14 months old crawling alone for hours outside in some grass as i was neglected. Lots of other incedents of my abuse. Its insanly facinating how dissociative amnesia and memory works. But also painful.

[@rhysbartram]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@juanmacias3]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@carly102982]

Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@peishancraken]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@juanmacias3]

Is he on instagram?

[@carly102982]

Yes he is dr.porassss.

[@-natmac]

Thanks for this. I carry a lot of shame about how I treated some people before I had any diagnosis / concept of what I was battling mentally. And about how long it takes me to start and/or finish projects that I’ve committed to. Lastly, shame about my body. I’m 33 now, and still feel some shame sometimes because of comments and attention when I developed seemingly overnight at 14. There was a lot of control around my clothing as a teen and very normal stuff was deemed inappropriate. I still have days as a full adult where I think “oh shit is this too exposed?” when I’m eyeing literally just a normal tank top lol.

[@freakerzzzx]

I subbed to your channel because of the workout videos, I stayed because of these profound videos that talks about life in general and pretty much mirrors what I'm going through right now. Thank you for these precious videos man it's kinda comforting listening to your videos as a distraction to what is happening to myself right now.

[@SizzleCorndog]

It’s wild to me that people feel shame about things they did. I’ve always experienced it as things I didn’t do, which I guess is basically regret but still. Maybe it’s the kind of adhd I have but I’ve always had issues initiating things which often comes back to bite me ie I should have sent that email earlier, I should have started studying more, I should have started dinner an hour ago, etc. It’s to the point rn where it constantly feels like if I’m not doing something then I’m effectively getting worse at everything. On the flip side of this is being aware of how just getting up is enough to start that motivation and that I should be proud of all of the things I have done already because most people would consider them impressive for someone my age. Idk it’s a vicious tug of war and while it isn’t fun I think it’s borderline central to the human experience

[@NeighborhoodOfBlue]

The vulnerability you offer here is brave and beautiful, Noah. Thank you. You are a positive example of growth and personal development, and I appreciate you.

[@MattAngiono]

I'd say an important part is to realize you definitely don't start this journey with a blank slate. Not only are genetics involved but also epigenetics. This means the suffering of even your GRANDPARENTS are playing a role in your biology. This doesn't mean you can't overcome anything, but especially with shame, it's absolutely imperative to see that there was so much that was out of your control. You can take back SOME of the power. This is a balancing act that we all will live with forever as conscious beings. Cheers! Hope this can help whoever reads it! ✌️

[@willmax95]

As someone who also doesnt like upsetting people, when I get caught in a moment like that it sits with me for a long time. I later learned that this is called rejection sensitivity dysphoria which apparently is linked to ADHD. It makes your mind wander and you want to do something about it. I have have so many moments like this that are just glued to me, and YES, it is also unresolved shame. Also the shame about old content is a very real thing, a thing that only people who make content will ever understand. It's also weird because people who don't make content just live their life and ~SOME~ forget about these things but for us, its right in front of our faces and lives on the internet, either privated or still public. its weird. anyhow, great video noah. this one felt super personal and I really dig it

[@pablokult248]

I feel ashamed when I try to be vulnerable, I feel like I don’t deserve it and that one day everyone will know my terrible secret (being worthless). it’s something that I’ve been trying to work through since I was a kid and was improving on but yknow life was happening and there was about 2 years where I really stagnated and withdrew into old survival mode habits but i’m in a safer place now and i’m trying to let my guard down again. I’m getting ready to start an online handmade jewelry business soon and i’m excited and deeply scared (the jewelry market is in a down swing rn 😬) but i’m just gonna do it anyways because jewelry making is the thing I wanna do, so might as well give it all I’ve got, yknow?

[@biteofdog]

I hope you are able to overcome what made you feel worthless so that you can enjoy life. You are most definitely not worthless, you have many beautiful and creative things to give to this world. Reminds me of the saying "Nobody has the right to make you feel worthless, no even you." If jewelry is difficult to sell online currently maybe there are local stores like coffee shops, boutiques, plant nurseries that could sell your products.

[@Heidi2003]

Virtual hugs to Noah and anyone else going through this.❤

[@pelagaki97]

When I mix my words when I speak I feel shame and I am expecting that people will make fun of me. I have a similar feeling when I read stories I wrote or listen to my recorded voice. It would be nice to learn how to be free again and find enjoyment in small things without overthinking. Well, acknowledging the issue sounds like a good way to start. I wish you a beautiful journey with your art projects and thanks a lot for the video!

[@FirstLast-hf2ub]

fucking hell it feels so good to hear you talk about crying as the normal, non-issue that it is. the absence of shame that i feel hearing you talk about it, is liberating and a reminder of the weight i want to release in my life.

[@leilawhene219]

incredible video, i sincerely admire your vulnerability especially as a fellow bipolar baddie. the cinematography is so ridiculously beautiful and ethereal and you’re doing great

[@PossibleBat]

I literally tell everyone this and they think I’m some kind of Christian zealot preacher, but I’m just being sincere, there’s plenty of stuff you are ashamed of yourself and you need to forgive yourself for that, understand being human means being imperfect and regret will get you nowhere, forgive and move on, that happened, and it’s in the past, we are in the present moving forward towards the future ❤

[@johncalley4494]

I'm ashamed of the person I used to be. I was a heroin addict for 7 years. Been clean 9 years now but to this day, I'll still have a flashback and remember something fucked up and just spiral into depression. I feel like I'd be a lot farther in life had I not wasted all those years. But I recognize how far I've come. It's a gift just to be alive

[@daa5865]

I'm embarrassed about existing is the best way I'd describe it. I constantly feel watched (sort of Truman show style) and subsequently judged in everything I do, so much so that I often feel uncomfortable changing cloths, pull the shower curtain up when the blinds are rolled down, always hide under my blanket once I'm in bed and don't move for the rest of the day. I can't look people in the eye when I'm walking outside, just as I think about every single person passing me, when they glance at me or make any unexpected movements I assume it's caused by me, I hate phonecalls and I cringe when talking to people I don't know because I haven't figured out how to hold a conversation with them like how I manage with friends. I'm ashamed of praise for accomplishments and criticism for mistakes. I get terrible secondhand embarrassment to the point I can rarely watch series or movies anymore unless they're dark and serious themed. I don't know what it is, but I recently learned in psychology about self-image and self-concept (I'm translating this from German so Idk if these are the correct terms) and there are conditions that these things are in, the is-condition (so how it really is) and the should-condition (how it should / you want it to be) and if these don't align, problems arise. So my self diagnosis here would be that I'm not where I want to be with something deeply fundamental to myself that it's branching out into the fact that even walking around and existing as myself is shameful because I'm not what I want to be. Oversharing 101 probably but hey, you ask, you receive. Good day everybody, treat yourself kindly.

[@biteofdog]

I feel for you in not feeling like I'm the person that I want to be. I've been feeling lost (stuck) this past year and I've been in my comfort zone for too long. I know what I need to do to get to the next chapter in my life but being stuck in the past holds me back. So, I'm just going to do it and get out of my comfort zone and see where it takes me.

[@daa5865]

@@biteofdog good luck :]

[@hanpedunkten]

This video hits real hard, and you are such an amazing person. This kind of reflection and vulnerability is as brave as it gets. Seems like the longer we hold on unecessarily to shame, likely the less we have to really be ashamed of... those who should be ashamed are expert at hiding and compartmentalizing it from themselves and the world... Thanks for having the guts to do the hard work.

[@kitcatart9492]

Thank you Noah, as always. This was really needed I think.

[@JONEPUNK]

I struggle with this a lot too. A realisation i had, that hurts, is that I don't care for many things people do. But if I do them, oh boy, I'm going to torture myself bc I'll be thinking people hate me now bc I did some stupid unimportant thing

[@trc.96]

you are doing so good at feeling things. crying is uncomfortable sometimes but it can also feel so good. but understandably like ,, a lot. i personally am impressed and encouraged by you talking about your emotions. so many people think not having them are normal and to be achieved- that is the world that will k1ll most of us, fastest. i'm so here for this

[@HaloGirl67]

when you were like " i feel ashamed for talking about shame" like dannng i felt that, i think thats important, because a lot of us were raised to literally think that way, though. that feeling shame is ...shameful and something not to be talked about, and definitely something wrong with you for feeling it. but i do think it's normal. i think it connects us.

[@gummywormjim]

I have insane amounts of shame and its a lot to talk about, so I'm not gonna here. I just wanted to say that I appreciate this video so much and it helps a lot. Thanks Noah. Keep being you and I hope good things and good people keep happening in your life.

[@ashleighcalvert8937]

I believe ANY time people talk about their own shame is good because we are made to feel that we have control of our emotions and for many with mental health issues that is not possible. It does make me feel less alone in it and that many of us are trying and want to be more than we currently are. In a world where success is the only measure of worth it is crushing to feel you aren’t achieving. But I do believe that is all coping with life and other people. Your life is worth living for the simple fact that you are and I know that I often forget that. Creating when you feel a void is a mountain and the only way you can climb it is a little at a time. Please be kind to yourself because I want it for you and I will try to do the same to honor you.

[@finn4647]

i really appreciated this video a lot. i suffer in somewhat similar ways to you due to some of my own mental health/trauma, and i think just having someone else voice these types of feelings can be very helpful. thank you noah time

[@P_and_You]

Before I went to rehab I had a shame cloud in me. If anyone got near my shame cloud I would blame them and cut them out of my life. This would send me deeper in my addiction. In rehab, through therapy, I faced my shame. I said it out loud, genuinely apologized for the things I have done and try to live my amends. The freedom that has given me is a gift that I probably don’t deserve but, I will accept anyway. You are doing such great work Noah. Love you so so much ❤

[@joymarcruz4417]

Hey noah. I've been in the same boat for a long time as well. These thoughts consumed every waking moment of my life. I'd think about people i hurt, mistakes ive made in my life, the way i mistreated my ex, and the ways i react to things. Its been extremely hard living like this. Ive been going to therapy for a couple months and have been taking antidepressants for maybe 4 months. The pills have helped with suicidal ideation, but i cant get rid of this shame. Im sure we will figure it out soon Thank you for posting this video.

[@velevetyy]

were always told not to feel sorry for yourself, but i think feeling sorry for yourself is how you solve problems and be more compassionate towards yourself and others

[@sarahlueck1732]

Seeing your artwork and style evolve over time has been one of the most enjoyable parts for me. I dread untangling my shame and I just so happen to have thought about shame more often than I ever have for the last 6 months. This video came at such an interesting and special time! I appreciate the illustration of looking at the association between negative feelings and a certain task or choice. Sometimes the hardest part of shame is even naming it and let alone trying to get your arms around it. I have a lot of shame around my mental illness and feeling like an incapable person. Untangling feels like an endless cycle and it is so valuable to connect with my loved ones about it. It feels like more hands on deck to help alleviate the emotional weight. I help categorize my shame by the general questions of “do I feel like I am I doing too much or not enough?” Which helps me get to the root! Your vulnerability has always translated to being genuine despite never meeting you. This video in particular felt nice to be seen in some of the thoughts and feelings you’re having, and to witness you growing and changing. The video was beautiful AND I would still enjoy your art even if you recorded it on a Razor cellphone. Tldr; your vulnerability is deeply appreciated and I support you great job 👍🏻

[@CA1TE]

Shame unnecessarily messes up all of my brain and life and work and art things. You know what I think this man is me, I can’t believe I am this man I am confused. I went to read all your video titles and I feel like we need to have a yap. I happen to have countless videos where I am just talking and doing things in my camera roll and I admire seeing someone’s content actually making it to the light and helping people feel less alone. It is nice to be seen. I hope you experience peace and calm ✨

[@Anarchistyogi]

This is super relatable, and I want to thank you for putting your vulnerability out there. One thing I feel the most shame about is having emotional needs and giving them space. I never really want anyone to see that about me, I imagine they’ll reject or judge me. So it’s really helpful to see things like this, where you put your vulnerability out there, and I can notice that I don’t judge you for it.

[@babychickan]

It's crazy u made this video cause I had a deep moment with myself out of no where recently where I said I need to forgive myself. Out of nowhere I had this insight

[@ainselart]

I see it being very rarely discussed so I’m grateful that you were able to share on the subject. Thank you.

[@BrendanFilms-x2u]

Thank you for making this video. The vulnerability in sharing these emotions with such an audience is very powerful and in my own opinion important for helping others understand their feelings, and in turn how to process them. Having dealt with many similar thoughts and feelings, yet having experienced life in a totally different way, it feels good to know that I am not alone in my feelings. Thank you Noah.

[@calebh7507]

First time stumbling upon your second channel, this popped up for me and I found your way of freely talking so interesting and meditative, very refreshing. I cozied up with my boyfriends dog in the middle of the day with the heater on and got to ponder many things. Thank you for this video

[@MrT13X]

This actually hits a bit too close to home, but I really wanted to thank you for posting this

[@AmberRamVT]

you are explaining my life in this video, thats crazy. thank you for posting, this is really nice.

[@acoldhand]

I ghost people because I'm always too (socially) exhausted to respond or call. It takes me months, sometimes I never manage to at all. These are often people who have been in my life for years. I feel ashamed for hurting them with this behaviour every single day. Put it on every to do list. And secretly think they are better of not having me in their lives anyway because my depression is a burden to others, even if I hide it well.

[@brooksmiller5597]

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't feel this... Noah is eerily relatable I'd call it guilt, rather than shame though - guilt I live in the USA - a global destabilizing force. Guilt I am okay, while my sister has been battling *serious* health complications since 2007. Guilt that I have all this privilege that I have done nothing to deserve... Shame that no one I know gives a phuck about Gaza 💔 while I literally cannot stop thinking about it... on top of ruminating about social interactions, like Noah

[@MossTunic]

it's because you & i & noah & so many others aren't that different despite how separate & isolated we are made to feel

[@Investigator86]

I so relate. Never be ashamed of heart break, it happens in more than just romantic relationships too. And keep growing. I just recently learned to extract shame from guilt and I don’t relate to shame as much and I can work through them better now. It is taking deliberate actions like the openess you are expressing here to improve and make better patterns for me.

[@ArchWizardCj]

I feel shame but less in the sense that i was some calculated or aware participant of the wrong doings but just growing and realizing how horrifically bad my foundation was and having to unlearn the horrible things that both happened to me and erre taught to me. That and just a realization that being genuine in of itself is an entirely rare thing nowadays , and how many ti es i threw myself at situations genuinely and got caught up in unfettered emotions

[@pastelthief_]

I feel deep shame and guilt for having been kicked around for most my life. All the abuse and frankly the trauma I've experienced at the hand of other people makes me feel like I'm not even a real person. I'm starting to feel alive again though, like I can just pause and take a deep breath, it's a long and winding road to freedom of mind for sure. This is probably an incoherent little ramble, but I really relate to this video. Thank you.

[@macc188]

I'm really enjoying this format, thanks for making this

[@vi-xz6cw]

I feel shame about remaining friends with the girl who slept with the guy I liked. And continuing to see the guy after that. I feel shame for thinking that if I said how uncomfortable it made me I'd be kicked out of the friend group, so I decided to play into it instead. I feel shame about the amazing people friendships and interactions I missed out on because I was too scared to step out of my comfort zone. I feel shame about when I did step out of my comfort zone and had a bad experience, so I shut down again. I feel shame about not being there for my mom, and feeling like she doesn't know she can lean on me. I feel shame because I'm working so hard to make my family proud, when I know they'll love me regardless, because I don't want them to love me for nothing. I feel ashamed that the stresses get to me and I might take it out on them without realizing. I feel ashamed that my family thinks my poor social skill in general just mean I don't want to be around them, and I'm scared they'll abandon me for it. I feel ashamed that I even think they'd do this.

[@LangSmith.]

Shame is difficult, but important to overcome. It’s a life’s work. This is an affirming video.

[@Namenlos34]

I feel shame for many things I did as a kid. Mind you, I truly was a good kid. A damaged one, yes, but a good one. Now, with more wisdom and experience, I feel ashamed of myself. I wonder, when is the time to let these things go? Do they ever go away? I'm 22 so maybe that's perfectly natural, but still...

[@Creationweek]

Been journaling consistently for 4 years and inconsistentently for ten. Its weird i felt a lot of shame about other people reading the shame and guilt and negative feeling i dumped into those books. I have been reading through them lately. And now they dont hold that weight. I dont think anyone would want to read them, but if someone did i wouldnt care. Every now and then I catch my wife going through them though. It does annoy the hell out of me when she asks questions.

[@JA-vx8ig]

❤ you're not alone in feeling shame over little things like jokes to strangers. Thanks for sharing.

[@Medievalguy88]

Really enjoyed the honesty in this video. I think a lot of us are going through the same shit. Also, I just really enjoy the slice of your personality you're sharing with is here. It's nice to just listen to you talk about whatever. Hope you're well.

[@Remedy462]

How do you forgive yourself for having adhd, severe depression, anxiety, and an entire lifetime of shame, every single moment of it?

[@gfrancagm4017]

Been feeling a lot of shame from my past relationship. The way that I treated her bad, when she didn't deserve any of it. This shame led to some changes in my habits and personality, but also made me scared that I'd do it again to someone else. 7 months after, it stills ruminates my mind, but it's getting better. Sometimes, when I beat myself up over this, the thing I'd like to hear the most is "I forgive you", but it's sad knowing that it possibly won't happen. Still, I move on

[@Stressymessy]

As humans, we crave forgiveness as a part of acceptance but you don't need that to heal. I am someone who has been the abused, So this is just my perspective, not judgment or an invitation for debate. i feel that saying "I forgive you" and "I am sorry" are both empty words meant to pacify a situation. True closure comes from changed behavior, and you cannot change for anyone but yourself, So if you are trying to change your behavior hoping for forgiveness, that is not true change. If it helps further, I'm speaking from experience here because I tried to go sober from alcohol for all the wrong reasons until I could finally do it for myself, because I realized I didn't like who I was when I drank, and I wanted to be able to hold myself accountable. Before you can hold anyone else accountable, you need to be able to hold yourself accountable. So focus on holding yourself accountable, including your past actions. This requires vulnerability which connects with shame, I haven't watched this full video so maybe this point is made already but what I know about shame and vulnerability comes from an emotion researcher named Brene Brown, she says we cannot have human connection without vulnerability and we cannot have vulnerability without risking shame, without feeling shame and working through those emotions. So my unsolicited advice is examine the emotions and trauma underneath your actions to determine why you reacted the way you did and why you projected your reaction onto her in an abusive way. at the end of the day, we are all reacting to things around us, your emotions are always valid but it's what you do with those emotions that matter, you can internalize them which will make you worse, you can project them onto other people unintentionally or intentionally, or you can work on your emotional regulation, learn to process your emotions appropriately so that you're not hurting other people and continuing that cycle. because it is a trauma cycle, my past fucked me up and I am doing the hard work of unfucking myself, its worth it!

[@AngstUrnacht]

Thanks for this Noah I’ve been dealing with my own stuff for a while active ripe age of 20 and it’s always comforting to hear other peoples experiences.

[@mayamatthews1568]

Thank you for every video you post. I hope you know how much talking about these topics help. I always have a mix of anger and resentment that only some of us live this daily and the rest can’t understand that this is our norm that we can’t help but live like. The biggest pain in my life is around guilt. Especially with my family and loved ones and time. Therapy is the only way I’m safely able to slowly figure things out and unpack why I feel this way, otherwise I have no advice yet. I would love to be able to do what you do for people one day. Thanks again. We appreciate you 🤍

[@SmilingRuby]

Shame has a function, and I think it's to teach us a bit of grace. It allows you to understand how good people can do shitty things, and that everyone has good and bad days. When you can empathize with other people's shitty things more, then you can more easily give grace to those around you who are having a bad day.

[@OnlyUkeThatMatters]

Wishing some strength to everyone, especially Noah, who understands how Noah feels

[@ahyokawolf7207]

Since you asked- I think the thing I have the most shame over is the way that I process my emotions. I really have to distance to try to take in that this is my real life and these are my actual emotions and I have to figure out how to deal with them. But the thinking takes forever and I can't streamline the process.

[@skellexis404]

this came at the right time because i’m currently being trained into a new job and i can’t avoid getting things wrong that im learning to do for the first time around people that have been doing those things for years with ease. but also i feel shame in every other area of my life, which I only recently learned from my therapist

[@NB-lx6gz]

Hi Noah. I was in a similar situation to you 1.5 year ago probably. A guy I had been messaging since March 2022 and met about 3 times told me he never wanted to talk to me again (this is February 2023) and it took me 1.5 years and regular psychological appointments to over come it. I felt an insane amount of shame since this guy friend zoned me before, and then right after that he started showing signs that he might be interested and he did indeed later on asked me out to the cinema and then his apartment to watch a movie... He wanted me to sleep over there but I couldn't do it because I remembered he friend zoned me...and I just didn't know what he wanted at that point and I was too afraid to ask. I was so ashamed of my attraction to him despite him having friend zoned me earlier. I felt so dishonest but I couldn't help. So in the end I think I was just an option. He completed his Computer engineering degree and after that he said he never wanted to talk to me again. He said we are not the same level. Now that I think back there were a lot of signs that he just didn't really want to get to know me and the amount of time he spent messaging me just didn't make sense... But I have let that go... Please don't be so hard on yourself Noah....you will overcome. But I advise you to look up the term limerence and to reach out to a therapist it can help a lot. Good luck ❤

[@bogan3249]

honestly yeah, same thing. was with a dude and neither of us knew what we wanted. put way too much of my self worth in the fact i finally got with somebody. i was way too obsessed and scared of losing him, and he didnt really want a long term romantic relationship. so many weird moments and i broke up because i knew neither of us was getting what we wanted. we stayed friends and he got over me in a week. its been months and i still think about him. it feels so pathetic but thats just how the human brain works. its just so hard to be honest when everything feels like a mistake. the word is limerence, its an important concept for people to understand. to love someone as a coping mechanism.

[@NB-lx6gz]

@@bogan3249 For me I blocked the guy after a month of him telling me it' over, during that month of not talking I went mental/jealous as hell...I think me blocking him partially fueled my obsession, because I kept wondering "what if I didn't block him and he changed his mind about me..." (later he also blocked me back on Discord, I forgot to do it there) and with blocking I also gave him a sort of power/made him appear more powerful than he is. It takes time, but it is possible to get over these pressing, recurring thoughts. Thanks for sharing your experience.

[@koiboy.starboy]

all my life shame has been eating me alive. i'm a trans, asian immigrant living in an european white dominant country. it's so exhausting. it's like everytime i have a dream, i'm following a leash that leads to nothing. i feel like a stranger to everyone, and soon enough, i unlearned how to open up. i learned how to lay in bed shaming myself on how embarrassingly i acted throughout the day. how i have nothing figured out, no real close friends. no good physical attributes. no talent. i fear soon i will be afraid to even go outside. hating myself had become part of my daily routine, and there is no day where i haven't considered dying early. i feel like a sack of rotten potatos lying on the ground in the middle of a crowd of beautifully baked potatos and excellent meals. maybe i am just supposed to be the filler citizen who dies young, never able to succeed in what they wanted. i'm sorry i'm venting like a stray puppy crying out for food, but this is really the only space where i can let out my feelings.

[@NewSparky97]

Whenever I think of shame, I think of what Uncle Iroh said to Zuko in the Episode "Bitter Work". Iroh is teaching Zuko how to redirect lightning, but he can't seem to get it. Iroh tells him that he needa to quell the inner turmoil before he can redirect lightning. He says "You need to let go of your feelings of shame, if you want your anger to go away." To which Zuko responds that he doesn't "...feel any shame! I'm as proud as ever!" What Iroh says next is what sticks with mw still. "Prince Zuko. Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame." Pride is the emotion relating to the things that we like about ourselves, and the thinga that we want to be. Shame is what we feel when we fail to live up to those ideals. To speak about myself, I think of myself as the type of man who stands up for others. Who does what he can to protect those who can't protect themselves. Even at personal cost. That's who I want to be. Brave, selfless, and principled. I feel shame, all the time. Because I do not live up to that ideal. I have a soft heart, and am afraid of confrontation. I think of myself as a coward, often. This, to me, is the relationship between pride and shame. Incogruity between what or how you are, and how you think you should be, or want to be.