Not as Nice as You Remember

[@ehecatlKchChina]

People now like to act as if Lorelai exaggerates the pain of her childhood but that part where he practically attacks her after defending her against Straub really breaks my heart; it gives you an insight of what it was like to grow up in the gilmore house. That’s what makes GG so great, this characters are complex, all of them make mistakes but have also good qualities

[@StealAwayTheStars]

Lauren Graham is so great in that scene. The way she recoils and suddenly Lorelai is 16 years old again. My heart breaks for her every time.

[@138veronica]

It really makes you think about how Lorelai's favorite birthday was going to the movies with Richard as a kid. Just.... him taking the time to spend the day with her without criticism 😢😢😢

[@jomathieson1679]

been seeing a lot of hot takes recently claiming lorelai was the villain in her relationship with emily. i feel like screaming "did you even watch the show?" them using examples like; lorelai not telling emily about her soon - to - be wedding or the idea that she was a spoilt brat for leaving the lap of luxury with her parents to raise rory in a shed. completely ignoring the years of mental abuse she suffered.

[@iluvlost09]

When Richard attacks Lorelai after she tries to tell them that she and Chris are no longer together, he is so needlessly cruel to her that it makes that scene extremely hard to watch. I don't get the large section of the fandom that acts like Lorelai is just whiny. Richard and Emily have so many examples of treating Lorelai like pure garbage.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Oh wow, I totally missed that scene. I'm sorry for responding so late, I didn't see your comment until now. I have to go back now and watch.

[@kellyreadingbooks]

Dang I never thought about how he only showed interest in Rory after he realized she was intelligent… that hits hard!

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I didn't realize it either until I read other people's feelings on Richard. It hit me too.

[@myas.6485]

do you remember in episode 3 season 1, when he takes rory golfing, he only appreciate her when his friends start complaining about how ugly and stupid their grandaughters are?

[@ginao6810]

I bet he would have had more intrinsic interest if she was a boy.

[@nightmare-fuel]

@@myas.6485 I think it’s also evident of the internalised misogyny of the 90s and early 2000s . Even when it’s a female led thing, everything is all about how perfect the female lead is and how no one else can compare to her and how everyone who meets her falls head over heels and puts down other women just to emphasise how perfect she is, rather than she’s just a regular beautiful girl who works hard, learns from her mistakes and deserves her success and popularity, like millions of other women. That’s also where the writers fail Rory. The buy into their unattainable fairytale and refuse to hold her accountable.

[@champigranja1179]

And she wasn't that intelligent. She had a hard time adjusting to Chilton and then to Yale. She is an average student.

[@LizzieHunterPaul]

I think the thing I dislike the most about Richard is how dismissive he is of Emily and how little power Emily has in their marriage. There are huge issues in their relationship that are never properly addressed. Number one being Richard lying for the entirety of their marriage by seeing his ‘what if’ girl behind Emily’s back, when he calls party planning frivolous and says all Emily does is shop, letting his mother treat Emily like trash every time she’s in town, and the worst thing is when they reconcile they don’t address ANY of those issues. He treats Lorelei really badly too. Time and time again he acts as if she’s just stupid. That lecture he gave her about how he just needs to make one call to get Rory into Yale (which is problematic in itself) was so sanctimonious. AND I COULDN’T STAND how he played victim when Lorelei calls him out for being rude and controlling and then he turned it around and made it about how Lorelei and Emily made him feel bad and how they don’t want him around cause he’s a burden. NO it’s because you were a condescending jerk.

[@enfermagembenfermagemb2251]

This. 💯

[@anialuchik2743]

Oh yes!

[@jclyntoledo]

Honestly they definitely missed out on showing how their marriage was actually improving when they got back together. It just made it seem like they fell in love again and that was that.

[@GBfanatic15]

I commented this on the above comment but like..he reminds me of my dad which is why I have such mixed feelings....both the good and bad remind me of my dad

[@aet5807]

He also allows his mother to treat his wife like garbage. In her own house. He’s trash.

[@blackmarketstarlight2983]

And also remember when Emily said the gardener is always listening to music when working and Richard says "if he can afford an mp3 player we are overpaying him"

[@JS-mg1mk]

Omg I remember that scene. Made me so angry 😡

[@yanziky]

when did he said that

[@alyzu4755]

Oh man, that made my blood boil!

[@Cocuyoo]

Also the scene with the panic room. Emily said something like dont tell the password to the maid, she will tell her kids and they will come to rob you, something like that.

[@sydneylawson484]

Not to be dramatic, but I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to finally analyze this man. As a woman with a complex and often disappointing relationship with their father, I saw Richard’s flaws right away. He is very culpable for Lorelei’s trauma. Both directly and indirectly.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Oh my gosh, I'm glad I was able to make this video for you, I'm sorry I didn't do a full analysis of him. I wanted to talk about him for a while too. I hope you have found ways to heal from the relationship with your father.

[@sydneylawson484]

@@PensiveWhiskers thank you! The video is great! Honestly my goal is to just not meltdown at his funeral a la Lorelei haha

[@veronikapop8161]

i'm honestly suprised someone even likes him at all. I mean yes, he has his moments, but those are very few and far between... I've always saw him as a very bad person. I also see this because of my family, the toxicity, selfishness, and even narcissism and nastiness it's actually very triggering to watch him. What is most scary is how real he is.

[@Lanaxparillaxwife]

Same I saw his flaws right away as well & never really understood why people like him (same goes for Emily)

[@saraa.4295]

The fact that Richard does not defend Emily gets even more heinous when we find out Trix wrote a letter to Richard begging him to leave Emily. It means all those years he knew Trix was not kidding, but thought Emily was not good enough. I think he kinda enjoyed the idea that his mom thought he was too good for Emily.

[@DeepikaGinger]

He had no problem yelling at her when she criticised him.

[@saraa.4295]

@@DeepikaGinger well that's different..that's him..HE is beyond reproach isn't he ;)

[@PensiveWhiskers]

You're right; I didn't fully even put that together. Trix's letter is evidence that Richard was well aware of the fact that Trix didn't like Emily so everything that Trix said was obviously a way of mocking Emily rather than joking around. I'm also sure that Trix has voiced her dislike of Emily to Richard before the letter.

[@saraa.4295]

@@PensiveWhiskers and that in his worldview, his mother did rank higher in the social pecking order, and was therefore in the right. Which might suggest that he thinks the gilmore's rank higher than Emilies family did. After all, he did not object that the hunztbergers thought only a certain type of woman would fit Logan, he objected to the fact that they thought a gilmore wasn't good enough

[@lauriecarson6483]

Richard don't defend his daughter when Emily is attacking her

[@g.mitchell7110]

I saw the title "Not as Nice as You Remember" and my immediate reaction was, "Wait . . . were there episodes where Richard was actually nice, and I remember him as a snobbish jerk because I missed those? Or am I remembering correctly, but he's worse than I remember because there are episodes where he kicks puppies and refuses to cover cancer patients' treatments?" But nope, he's exactly as I remember him. An elitist snob who judges everyone on a purely transactional basis. Like Emily, but at the other end of the involvement spectrum -- Emily is overly involved in everyone else's business, especially Lorelei's, and Richard avoids personal involvement at all costs because he simply doesn't care. There are people who see him as nice? Weird. I always thought the whole point was that Lorelei ran away because she had toxic parents, one who neglected her emotional needs and one who was emotionally abusive, and their relationships as adults continue this trend. They obviously love each other, but that doesn't mean their relationships are anywhere near being healthy or good for each other. Yeah, I loved roughly the first five and a half seasons of this show (the last season sucked, and the downhill slide started in season 5), and I always thought that the point of the dinner scenes was to show that Lorelei was not exaggerating in the least the degree to which her relationship with her parents was toxic for her. Both of them.

[@CrisOnTheInternet]

Richard is one of those people that can't be contradicted or they lash out. He's above and beyond of everybody.

[@Lozza685]

Lorelai got that from him too and in turn, Rory kind of got that from them both. Neither are often willing to compromise either, or like if someone disagrees with them.

[@DeepikaGinger]

@@Lozza685Lorelai has difficult relationships with her parents but she does try.

[@Lozza685]

@@DeepikaGinger I’m not saying she doesn’t. I’m just saying and even Dean pointed it out in the termites episode I think it was that both Rory and Lorelai tended to dig their heals in as they were both as stubborn as Richard.

[@Blubes23]

She doesent try tho until she needs money. Shes pressured to do it.

[@DeepikaGinger]

@@Blubes23 She tried to minimise their influence in her life because they can be manipulative and insensitive. But, if she feels like she’s in the wrong in any situation, she apologises, which is more than they ever do.

[@odieb7157]

Actually, the whole Gilmore clan is Elitist, even Lorelai and Rory. They all seemed to have inherited that particular quirk of ridiculing and screwing over those they look down upon. It took me multiple viewings of the show to notice it in Rory and I think it's because Lorelai tried so hard to raise Rory to see that doing such things are a bad thing to do, but being raised by Richard she does slip up, mainly because she only sees it as bad if it is done in a higher (richer) part of society type setting. For example, Lorelai's obsession with her and Rory eating abnormal amounts of junk food and yet staying skinny, not bad right, until the episodes where her and Rory willingly, flippantly and atrociously mocking fat people to highlight their ability. Another is their view of stay at home wives, you know what Rory did to Lindsay, she she looked down on her and therefore slept with Lindsay's husband. Not to mention cheating on Dean, it was because Jess was book smarter. Now for Lorelai it is harder to see and I attribute it to Emily's years of failed attempted manipulations forcing Lorelai to rebel. Unlike Rory and Richard, Lorelai seems to be well aware that her family is born with this trait and she works hard to fix herself when she manages to catch herself acting on it. An example is when she horribly talks back to Sookie, rebutting her attempt to give Lorelai dating advice when Sookie doesn't date. Unfortunately, she believes this trait is blessed on her family by the generational wealth they have inherited and therefore fails to correct Rory when Rory acts on this now blossoming trait.

[@carola-lifeinparis]

I used to love and identify with Rory, but since the last season came out, rewatching it - she is not nice. She mocks Lorelei using coupons and she has always been as she was in season 8, we just never noticed.

[@caseyjc5]

That and the whole family believing that graduating from an Ivy League college and becoming a successful journalist is the only option Rory should have and another other option is beneath her. Though I do like how Rory sometimes changes her mind and Lorelai even suggested she try out other majors when Mitchum told her she doesn’t have it.

[@lilianbeeh6778]

Rory’s reaction to the Huntzberger’s looking down on her highlighted her snobbery. “I’m a Gilmore” gross.

[@MsMp15]

Lorelai shows this streak when the night before her parents vow renewal, she re-arranges the seating chart while waxing poetic about entitlement and not facing consequences. We then learn the following morning that the wedding planner cops the blame for seating chart and is fired.

[@lol-hl8pd]

They also highlight their elitism when it comes to the interests they deem cool and superior to the rest. Case in point their music snobbery, snobbery about the bed and breakfast (which is literally so similar to the Dragonfly in it’s ridiculous), etc.

[@nadinaventura]

What strikes me the most about Richard is his attitudes towards Emily because they betray the idea that he thinks she's beneath him and that he's so good and patient and indulgent with her, when in reality she has dedicated HER LIFE to building his career with all that thankless work of planning dinners and meetings and all that jazz that is the machine oil of *good connections*. He wouldn't have gotten as far or been as happy if he had remained a bachelor. And he also scapegoats her *a lot*. I think he's intelligent enough to know that if he keeps quiet, he can appear as the good cop to Emily's bad cop, and get what he wants while getting the backlash to hit her alone.

[@jclyntoledo]

Lost me on the last line

[@uniquely_kylee1859]

👏👏👏

[@ElizabethYuen-rx9xo]

That actually makes a Lot of sense!!!

[@LaviniaDeMortalium]

I love Richard as a character. He's flawed, he's complex, he clearly loves his family, and frankly shouldn't be allowed to have any sort of soap box. But he's a character. I put him in the "Paris" box. ie: Characters I love as characters, but people I would hate as people. Paris is a lovely character. But she's a garbage human.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

"Shouldn't be allowed to have any sort of soap box." 😂Well put. I think that applies to a lot of the characters; they are so fun as characters but would be troubling in real life. I would run from Paris in real life.

[@LaviniaDeMortalium]

@@PensiveWhiskers Paris would 100% make me cry. It's why my brother and I started calling it the "Paris Box." She's our OG character of, "Would never want to meet in real life, but is a cool character."

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

Well said😂. I feel that way about Dr. House. I’d rather meet and work with Dr. Bailey.

[@littlekaren1551]

Paris was definitely a garbage person when the series started, but had much more growth as the series progressed. What astounds me is how many poeple say that paris saved rory or that Rory wouldn't be where she was without Paris. more like the other way around. Paris bullied her for basically no reason most of the time and even tried to sabotage her work on the Franklin, which is an extracurricular Rory needed for any college she were to major in journalism for. meanwhile Paris got rejected by Harvard, where she was a legacy family. bcuz act like that was so unrealistic, not when you consider how awful she was. even Paris knew she was an ass. Which is 1 reason I respect her. at least she knew who she was.

[@LaviniaDeMortalium]

oh definitely. Paris improves by leaps and bounds. By 'Garbage' and "the Paris box' we generally meant 'people who were too mean to be around for long' lol. Paris is dedicated, brilliant, and very headstrong. All admirable traits that I admire and enjoy the character for. But I'd 100% cry on the spot dealing with her. She's needlessly mean and sharp with people (imo) so I don't think she'd be very fun to be around in that context.@@littlekaren1551

[@alianalukoko3504]

Richard’s disrespect for Emily and her responsibilities really irritates me. I don’t necessarily like Emily, but it’s clear he doesn’t respect women in their society. Another things that bothers me is how he talks down to Lorelai in the episode where he visits Stars Hollow after retiring. This show is so well written because Lorelai’s reaction is so realistic. He was a distant father who believed he was right all the time and he felt like everybody needed to hear his opinions. When dealing with a person like that there seems to be no point in trying to defend yourself and simply just nod and say “ok” until it gets to a point where you can’t take it anymore. I’m going on a tangent here, but in AYITL when Lorelai couldn’t think of a good memory she had with Richard, I think that was expected considering how he was as a father. I don’t understand why some viewers take that as her being selfish. They did have some good moments but the bad can outweigh that sometimes.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes, I do think Lorelai's line in AYITL made a lot of sense. I am 100% on board with you on "the bad can outweigh that sometimes." He does have good moments and I can understand him but that does not erase all the pain that he caused.

[@haleyadamic]

still though. You can think of one good thing and it's a funeral. It's expected to share something nice about the departed. So it's just really selfish she didn't have the foresight to think of one nice thing. There was a lot to choose from. I mean heck it must not have been easy living with him as your dad, but he did have a nice, calm energy and his work ethic is impressive.

[@tokyworld]

People in their 40/50s in 2000s were born 1950/1960 and that was a wildly different world than what it is today. Certainly Richard and Emily represented the old conservative way in the 2000s. In today's context it is even worse. For example, did you know it wasnt until 1974 that women could open a bank acc or apply for a loan on their own? Im 40, this is why it doesnt surprised me that Richard didnt consult anything with Emily with all life changing decisions. (quitting the job, going back, putting his pension as collateral). In today's context, Richard actions are almost despicable.

[@eml5194]

I’m not Emily’s biggest fan but gotta give her credit where credit is due. She is putting in all the work to keep the family together no matter the cost to herself. I was proud of Emily when she separated from him, she gave and gave only for Richard to ignore her/blame her/or get made at her. She is not perfect by any means and doesn’t know when to quit when it comes to what she wants and how to get it. Emily also guilts her daughter into situations she does not want for herself. Anyway super interesting video, really enjoyed it.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Thank you! I also like the scene where Emily decides to separate. She tried to approach Richard with reason, she even pleaded with him to not sue Jason and when she realized that Richard could not be reasoned with, she walked away. I think that was a healthy decision.

[@HM8463-z3b]

He also didn’t put much effort into getting to know Rory during the golfing episode until she met his friends and they were impressed by her. Remember them ragging on their own granddaughter?

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Very true; even while they were golfing, it took Richard some time to start liking Rory. There was a shift during the episode after he started to realize her potential.

[@uniquely_kylee1859]

@@PensiveWhiskers He didn’t even want to pay attention or listen to Rory. He was always reading the paper, responding with monosyllabic answers, or simply ignoring her. He only wanted to be around her when she was of benefit to him.

[@naturallyemily]

Men like Richard view daughters as extensions of them. I think that’s why he “mentors and fosters”. Rory as a reflection of him is much more palatable than Lorelei

[@tokyworld]

you misspelled women wrong

[@angelatircuit2355]

While I'm not a fan of Emily, I think Richard was worse. I completely agree with you about the scene after he defended Lorelai to Strobe.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I'm right there with you; I think Richard is worse.

[@hollyk7052]

I love Emily more because of her growth after Richards death lmao

[@CP-gk4ri]

I feel like Emily genuinely cares about Lorelei and Rory, and just does not know how to go about it and how to manage her emotions. Richard on the other hand is more dicey...

[@thatjillgirl]

@@CP-gk4ri Exactly. Emily does love Lorelai and just CANNOT connect with her because she fundamentally doesn't understand her, and she genuinely loves Rory as well. But Richard? It often feels like he loves Lorelai and Rory only insofar as they are reflections of the family name. Everything he does for them is because they are family, not because he cares about them as people.

[@katpiercemusic]

Don’t forget that Richard didn’t connect with Lorelei until she demonstrated that she was wavy in business. He came to the in and criticized everything from the way she dressed to how she spoke to people and he assumed she didn’t understand the basics of running a business because she didn’t do it his way. I don’t remember clearly but I think it’s when he sees her handle an emergency very calmly that he starts to be proud of her. And it’s heartbreaking because you can see how much she craves that approval. It really affects her.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes! I thought about that too. We see that Richard is proud of Lorelai for her business savviness, but that's the only time he starts to recognize her.

[@caseyjc5]

All of those examples are great, but another one that comes to mind is when Rory goes to court for stealing a yacht. Richard acts like it’s no big deal because it’s Rory who did it and thinks she should hardly be punished by the law or anyone and he’s more concerned with her going back to Yale and not getting the community service hours she got. If I did that as an adult my whole family, especially my dad, would be both furious and shocked.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes! That is another good example; Richard did not react well in court when Rory received her sentence.

[@MissJasmine305]

Also, lbr, if *Lorelai* had ever done something like that Richard (and definitely Emily) would've held that over her head for *years.* But because it's Rory and he and Emily clearly see their granddaughter as their family's "2nd chance" it's viewed as not her fault and they think she should get off scott free smh.

[@nelodypond9282]

He knew she was working at the inn, he said motel to throw shade and insult her. It was a sarcastic joke.

[@irinagostin4071]

So this is what pisses me off about Richard: his teenage daughter was impregnated by a teenage boy, none of the children seem to have had any sex ed provided by the adults in their life because purity culture, it seems, though the show doesn't come right out and says it. Fall out? She is blamed for everything by both families, he is painted as the victim. Richard doesn't see any issues with that picture. Only Emily tries to balance the conversation. To both fathers, it was the 16yo girl's responsibility to moderate the boy's behavior, not the boy's or his father's responsibility to teach him to use some sort of protection. And on top of that, Christopher's lifelong failures keep getting dumped in Lorelei's lap, even 16 years later, although Strobe is never required to explain how exactly did Lorelei raising a child alone in an inn in Stars Hallow, prevented Christopher who was living with his family at the time in another city, from going to any college. Richard never asks his friend to explain that train of thought.

[@fynnfish]

I still don’t get why Christopher couldn’t go to Princeton? They didn’t marry. WHen Sherry gets pregnant he we are told that he wasn’t around for the pregnancy or Rory’s baby years. He didn’t need to work right away to support Lorelai and Rory, because the Gilmores and his parents did have a ton of money. I don’t know if I remember correctly that he was forced to work for his father, but there was no reason not to let him go to Princeton and he could have worked at Richards or his dads company after Princeton. Also, Getting a full time job at a prestigious law firm right out of high school isn’t really a bad thing either. Btw it never looked like Christopher was sending a ton of money to Lorelai. We don’t even know if she got sent any during her early years at the inn. At 17 in the 80s I don’t think she had her own bank account.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I had the same thoughts; there really was no reason for him not go to Princeton. Based on what we learn, Christopher doesn't stay with Lorelai after she has Rory. It almost feels like a plot hole. I don't know if I'm missing something.

[@thatjillgirl]

It seems like after Lorelai ran away, he just didn't really try to stay in regular contact with her. I imagine he didn't really volunteer much in the way of support or contact, and Lorelai didn't ask for it, because she only wanted it if it genuinely was his own idea.

[@fynnfish]

@@PensiveWhiskers time for an in depth video :D

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Oh god, dissecting what the heck happened there will take me months. 😂

[@ABalloonInNeed]

@@PensiveWhiskersI always got the feeling Christopher used Lorelei and the pregnancy as an out because he was a teenager and a flake

[@zinc8002]

your video makes such a good case for how emily is firstly a victim and then an abuser. emily is a victim of the patriarchy, she has a husband who doesn’t respect her and no identity outside of being a wealthy housewife. she is abusive towards lorelai and by extension rory because she has so much love for her that she doesn’t know how to express it to a daughter that was always so different from her. even her worst actions (and i am always rooting for lorelai’s happiness btw) are done because she desperately wants to be able to love her daughter. richard takes absolutely zero responsibility for any of this. he just gets to float back into rory’s life in season 1 because he feels like it, and unlike emily has no desire to even try to change himself, whereas emily, like when she steals robes with lorelai, really wishes she could be more like her. he has less actions to be responsible for, not because he is less abusive to lorelai but because he was never trying to be close to her! so so much of lorelai’s issues are more his fault than emily’s. i think this gives him much less to redeem himself than emily. this is why, even though richard also deserves to have his love and care recognised, that i loved emily’s story in the revival. she deserved to know herself without him.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Your comment really nails why I like Emily more than Richard. Emily actually tries to connect to Lorelai and Rory, and not just to control her. I think she genuinely wants to be close to her daughter. Richard doesn't care as much and gets away with a lot.

[@dalewall3726]

I didn't like Richard, liked Emily. Richard was always putting Lorelai down, while worshipping, Rory, even though gave Lorelai grief for having her.

[@hollyk7052]

Very realistic lol

[@lauriecarson6483]

Emily was putting Lorelai down too and she broke up her and Luke's relationship. Emily is not likeabke.

[@normalisboring5022]

Actually, rewatching this show makes Lorlei so much more impressive. She understood extremely early in which environment she was raised and decided to remove herself and her child from the situation.

[@loveIetter]

about dean at the dinner, i really wonder abt what if rory also got a “mixture” of grades, how he would treat her. i genuinely believe he would see her as less worthy of his attention or the gilmore name

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I think so too.

[@thatjillgirl]

One hundred percent. He primarily cared about Lorelai and Rory only insofar as they were reflections of the family. Rory was a shy, academically successful kid with ambitions he could approve of, so he liked her. If she had been otherwise, he would have been just as dismissive of her as he was of Lorelai.

[@loveIetter]

@@thatjillgirl honestly i don’t love rory but it just sucks that ur grandfather’s love is sooo conditional, i think emily wouldn’t really care about her grades that much but i wonder if rory knew that her success is such a large reason behind richard’s love for her

[@KrislonR]

​@thatjillgirl He would obviously be disinterested and disappointed if he had a "dumb" granddaughter. But imagine if his granddaughter was Madeline, she's still smart with good grades, but not a people pleaser, boy obsessed, "in trouble", i think even at that point he'd be disappointed.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

That would be sad. 😔 I could see him being disappointed, especially because Madeline doesn't often show off how smart she is, her intelligence is more understated and reflected in her grades rather than what she says.

[@anialuchik2743]

SPOILER ALERT !!! He was gaslighting Lorelei when he told her he didn't remember she warned them that Huntzburgers mistreated Rory and the way he disrespected Lorelei's parenting (one of examples, when they had a plan to get Rory back to Yale and then he ignored it and made it his way, as he thought he was right and knew how to fix things better than Lorelei.

[@CrisOnTheInternet]

That scene really infuriates me, the one time Lorelai needed them the most they stabbed her in the back. Also I don't get how Rory, the girl with the cons and pros list didn't take into consideration opinions of other people in the field, ignoring completely the fact that he is his boyfriend's father.

[@lauriecarson6483]

Emily was too not just Richard. They do that a lot to Lorelai.

[@louvrebaby]

Didn’t they throw the party for Rory so she could find a man suited for her even though they knew she was dating Dean... and also when he was telling Emily it’s too late for Lorelai (to find a man who comes from a rich background) but it’s not too late for Rory so they held the party?!?

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes! That is another good example of Richard's elitism. I left out the examples where Emily was the co-conspirator but there are certainly plenty of those examples that demonstrate his personality.

[@Blubes23]

Rory wasnt exactly crying until she realised she forgotten dean tho 😂

[@tokyworld]

Richard has all the traits of an absentee father. Hell Lorelai leaves the house and HE isnt the one going for her? WHAT THE HELL? ASP makes it seem that he was just ok with that event. He doesnt resent her, or anything. Im sure Richard watching Lorelai be strong independent by 16 must've been like telling him that cows are aliens and they could fly.

[@BirdOnATypwriter]

I actually think Lorelei comes allot after Richard, they both are hard working, somewhat eccentric and have a certain disdain for social protocol (and fancy parties). The difference is just that while Lorelei ran away, Richard doubled down, doing exactly what people expected from him. (His biggest act of rebellion being to go against his mother and marry Emily) I don't know if he made that choice consciously or not (my guess is not), but at some point he not just decided to play by the old rules, but also to expect the same from everyone else. Still, sometimes you can see that he actually kind of thinks all that stuff is stupid and I think that's the main reason people like him more than Emily.

[@angeliprimlani9389]

I’m so glad to see this. Most GG discourse is about picking apart the faults of the women, and Richard (and Christopher too) are rarely called out. Richard is also a big part of Rory’s sense of gifted child entitlement and stress, almost coming to blows with Mitchum for giving her a bad performance review. Very snowplow parent energy attacking your grandchild’s former employer in the men’s room. Just like the tantrum with Headmaster Charleston. I gotta defend Mitchum here. We are being consistently told Mitchum is just a jerk, but what he tells Richard in the bathroom is essentially right. If she has “it” she’ll bounce back. He also qualified his initial brutal feedback to Rory by saying his gut has been wrong before. In AYITL he gets her set up with her Condé Nast interview and he absolutely doesn’t have to because he doesn’t know she’s still in a relationship with Logan. And then she blows that interview, and the spec article they give her … so Mitchum is not wrong. The entire narrative about how evil Mitchum is comes from Logan. His actions in context are reasonable and Richard’s behavior is entitled and inappropriate.

[@nadinaventura]

I'm always baffled by people's horror at Mitchum's feedback to Rory because... the whole point is that Rory has hammered on and on and on about how she wants to be Christianne Ammanpour, you know, be there to ask the tough questions and get the truth no matter the cost... and then when she's given an opportunity to show if she does have what it takes (she's dropped in an environment and left to her own devices) she *shows* she doesn't have it because her instinct isn't to "go get it" but to pick up administrative work (this and the DAR plus the Yale Daily News thing pointed towards Rory being a really good manager? But then that didn't go anywhere in either the OG show or AYITL? that was weird). So, yeah, Mitchum WAS right. It's not that people should be gatekept from things they want to do. But it's one thing for me to want to enjoy playing basketball, and a whole different business trying to get into a major league while being just 5' tall.

[@angeliprimlani9389]

This is going in a bit of a Justice for Mitchum direction, but the only reason his behavior seems unreasonable is we are TOLD it is, by Lorelei, Richard and Emily and most especially by Logan. Nothing he actually does is really outrageous other than giving a harsh performance review, one he even qualifies while he's giving it. And he turns out to be absolutely right. He doesn't have to give her the internship at all, and when she takes over the Yale Daily News, he is complimentary, if kind of smug about what he sees as his role in her success. (This isn't even unreasonable. He doesn't know about her Dark Period, and from his perspective maybe his harsh words lit a fire under an otherwise unmotivated person.) He even comes to the conclusion that she's a great influence on Logan, which by the way is Not Wrong Either - Logan goes from being a spendthrift party boy to a young man with serious business aspirations while being her steady boyfriend. Rory is mad at Mitchum attributing Logan's changes to her, but honestly that's true. After all he's gearing up to propose to her. He's trying to live up to his idea of the person she'd want to be with. That's not even bad. So here's Mitchum with the tough love and the compliments, welcoming her into the family and helping her professionally and he's bad ... why? Because Rory made a sad face? Because Lorelei and Rory had a fight? Because Richard nearly punched him in the men's room? It's not justified.

[@tanvi7532]

Always felt worst part of gilmore girls is its realism . Its aldo the best. In irl this is how a person like richard would be , its also how rory turned out badly it's more realistic then it all being great and everyone being warm

[@misharaveendraraj3067]

I think the biggest mistake Richard ever did was to ignore Lorelai's wishes and let Rory stay with them when she dropped out of Yale. I know he realized that he messed up later on, but the absolute betrayal to disrespect Lorelai as a mother was just evil.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

That was definitely another one of Richard's mistakes. I left that one out as it was a combined decision with Emily. There are a few examples of Emily and Richard doing bad/manipulative things together and I felt those examples would be good for a separate topic, although I do agree that it demonstrates Richard's bad behavior.

[@hollyk7052]

Generational values AND traumas are spoken of in this show, it’s why I love even the most flawed characters. Because they’re supposed to be, (technically every character could be broken down as not so great)

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes, very much so. I'm noticing that almost every single character, even the minor ones, have some sort of familial trauma.

[@sparksfly6149]

Precisely! I'm always very disappointed when I hear people talk about how they stopped liking the show because character so-and-so got annoying, or unlikeable etc because it shows that they missed the point entirely. These characters aren't supposed to be wholly likeable or aspirational. They are flawed, sometimes downright awful. The important thing is; their actions make sense. You can understand the motivations and mindsets that led to their behaviours. They're actual people, not hollow shells to be endlessly admired.

[@DeepikaGinger]

@@sparksfly6149Agreed. And I like it when those motivations and mindsets are explored in the show, but I feel like they weren’t always talked about enough.

[@joobcave]

I found it interesting how we learn almost nothing about Emily's background. Her role is seen as frivolous, but it's the best a woman in her position and time could aspire to. She got her Mrs. Degree and she did rather well with it (motherhood notwithstanding). Richard can excel/overextend at work because he can shirk the rest of adulthood: social life, family, legacy, household, groomed appearance, good and healthy food, etc. and while a lot of this is carried out with hired help, he is oblivious to the Emily army that facilitates/elevates him. He's more likeable than Emily interpersonally, but that might be because all he has to do is make a nightly appearance for his daughter while Emily had to actually raise her (which is why many of us have more friction with our mothers). Even in modern, two-income relationships, many men who do see women as equals still don't understand all the background details/skill of what women actually do to maintain the couple's image/relationships/quality of living.

[@LizzieHunterPaul]

It’s interesting how elitist Richard is considering that job he wanted so badly as a child made him redundant and useless. He was so invested in image that he never thought that his world would betray him. Even though he admits he did the same to his previous mentor.

[@saraa.4295]

I always wonder if it was intentional that we never actually see them "produce" anything. Richard, Jason, huntzberger..all those men, we hear how important they are, but they just make connections, tell others what to do! They are important because the rules say they are, but honestly, they aren't

[@niranjanrajesh1058]

​@saraa.4295 bruh this makes negative sense. "They are important because the rules say they arr" what in God's green Earth does that even mean? And connections are super important btw. Making more connections does make you important too

[@LB-gz3ke]

Richard screwing over Jason was horrible. It was so dishonorable. His word meant nothing. But that situation produced some awful behavior from Lorelai as well. She dumps Jason because he is suing her family. She pulls her own "defending the family name" moment when Richard clearly does not need or deserve her backing.

[@thatjillgirl]

I really feel like the writers just wanted to get Lorelai back to pursuing Luke and didn't have any good ideas for how to end things with Jason, like maybe they hadn't expected the Lorelai-Jason pairing to go as well as it had. It was a really out of character reason for her to break up with him. It also felt out of character for him when he showed up at the inn and sat around moping, insisting that he would get her back. It all just felt like they were done with him and wanted to steer her toward Luke.

[@lauriecarson6483]

Oh the nerve of Lorelai dumping Jason cause he is sueing her family. How dare she do that. For once she is thinking about her parents and not her boyfriend. If I was in Lorelai situation I would do the same thing.

[@lauriecarson6483]

@@thatjillgirl I don't think it was out of character at all. Would you be with someone who is suing your family. I'm glad she choose her family and not Jason.

[@thatjillgirl]

@@lauriecarson6483 If he was suing my father, who I had always had a pretty rough relationship with, specifically because my father was screwing him over by destroying his business and making it all but impossible for him to rebuild, then yes, I would understand exactly why he's doing it and be mad at my father, not my boyfriend.

[@LB-gz3ke]

@@lauriecarson6483 Richard and Jason's Dad would have expected retaliation. A lawsuit likely would have ended in some fair financial compensation. It wasn't a personal feud. It was just about business. If that had been Luke somehow screwed over in a business deal with Richard, there is no way she would have taken her father's side. She would have been in her Dad's face calling him out on his devious behavior and supporting Luke getting compensation. And if, God forbid, Emily had done something like that to Luke, she would never speak to her again! She just wasn't worried about Jason struggling and didn't care enough to take his side.

[@xarenanotmyrealname4134]

A thought popped into my head of at least some of Richards worse qualities come from Trix and we all know what Trix is like I don't even want to imagine what his dad must have been like.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I'm working on a video now where I say the same thing. 🙂

[@luanngordon8639]

Well, Trix and her husband were second cousins, after all😂

[@LianaChau]

screwing Jason over really took the cake for me!!! that was just unbelievable

[@PensiveWhiskers]

It really makes you wonder what else he has done in business (and school) to get to where he is.

[@ricardoquinones1327]

I’m so obsessed with your videos! When I saw the title the first thing I thought of was the scene from the Strobe episode cuz it was just so so cruel. And I love your comparisons with Giles. It also highlights how great Giles is (he was literally tortured by Angel and still his reprimanding Buffy feels, to me at least, like disappointment rather than rage) compared to Richard. 😢

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Thank you! I feel like the structure of the scene on Gilmore Girls was painfully similar to the scene in Buffy but like you said, highlights how different the men are. It’s cool to see how the same structure can reveal different things about characters. I’m so happy you are enjoying my videos!

[@carolannaitken5812]

Given how poorly Richard and Emily treat Lorelai its surprising how much confidence she has.

[@ennuiblue4295]

His 'we're paying him too much if he can afford an MP3 device' still grates. It's like they should have everything, and their employees nothing. Enjoyed the video! (also I wonder if he would have been as receptive to Marty if he knew he was struggling, he only knew he was a *Yale Man* 🤔

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I totally forgot about Marty! I agree with you, I wish I included him. Richard was pleasant with Marty and I think it was because he was a Yale man. His perspective might have shifted if he knew of Marty's background.

[@drezdendolla.9143]

​@PensiveWhiskers I hope you make a video about Marty too!

[@oooh19]

Yea but maybe now Marty is wealthy or at least not struggling as much. Wonder what happened to Marty after Yale?

[@desmond107]

Yes to everything. And I completely forgot about the way he treated Dean, especially compared to Tristan and Logan, it does say A LOT about him and a lot about Emily, who was kind to all of them. I think Richard must've been a horrible man, husband and father when he was younger. We see him as the harmless grandpa, because we watch him through his relationship with Rory (and even that is questionable). But even as an older man, he still treats Lorelai horribly and only sees Emily as the "representative wife". We see Emily as the main villain, but I think a lot of her flaws are just a result of her life with Richard. She can't control many things, so she tries to control the few things she CAN control. He's one of those horrible, dominant, powerful men who kind of "redeem themselves" and try to fix their relationships once they retire. And that's when we meet him, so we like to give him the benefit of the doubt

[@PensiveWhiskers]

That's been my feeling on Richard as well. When I started to look closely at him, I couldn't help but start to attribute a lot of the problems to him. He's not the only one at fault, but he played a big part and I think it's easily overlooked. Thank you for your comment!

[@cosmokramer7009]

He was awful with Dean and that was totally unnecessary. He made everyone uncomfortable, especially Rory. But, in the end, he was right. Dean became a construction worker who had no ambitions and played videogames as his only hobby. And he turned out to be a cheater.

[@desmond107]

@@cosmokramer7009 Being rude for no reason is always wrong, not just because it made Rory uncomfortable. Even if Dean already WAS a construction worker (and not a 17 year old kid, which he was) that's no excuse to treat him badly. Anyway, by that logic, Rory wasn't any better,. She didn't excell in Yale, stole a boat, dropped out for a while, kissed Jess while she was still with Dean, kissed Jess while she was with Logan, she was literally the one cheating WITH Dean ... by the time she was 30, she STILL didn't achieve anything and was STILL sleeping with a taken man. It seems like Dean and Jess both managed to get a better life for themselves than Rory did, even with all her privileges. Maybe if Richard ever called out Rory instead of blaming everyone around her, she would do better in life

[@no.6377]

@@desmond107 omg you cooked the whole Gilmore clan😂😂

[@susannehuber3996]

He was cold, distant and only seems to care if it does something for him.

[@daniellelucy6056]

A perfect example of his generation and upbringing/social status. A well-written character who struggled with his (subconscious) personal biases and got genuine reactions from the show’s audience as a result. He may be infuriating and heart-warming all in the same breath, but it just means his writers knew what they were doing. I love this show and the little time-capsule it represents - makes it perfectly re-watchable even 20 years later.

[@KatBaumgarten]

I always loved richard because he reminded me a lot of my own grandfather: cold, distant, sometimes overwhelmingly caring, incapable of expressing emotion and most of all - strict

[@sayhello5377]

Another thing Richard did that I really disliked happened when Lorelei was helping him get his new office set up. She took time off of work and went over to his office for days, getting everything organized and setting it up for him and helping him to be set up for success. Richard really appreciated this, of course, but then he got his feelings hurt when Lorelei reminded him that this is not her job, that she has her own job, that she enjoys, and that she does not want to work for him. He got very upset like her world was supposed to revolve around him, and she was supposed to be following in his steps.

[@doesitmatterwhoiam8838]

One of the things I like about GG is that men talk and act the way men do in real life. And, before somebody says, yes, I know that the men don't really fawn over brainy brunettes in real life.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Well, they do if they're hot. 🙃

[@oooh19]

Nope nothing to do with hair color it’s about skin tone and your build but yea everyone likes different things

[@doesitmatterwhoiam8838]

@@oooh19 wasn't trying to make a federal case.

[@caseyjc5]

@@oooh19It’s more about the face and body but okay 😏

[@jackiesliterarycorner]

The two moments that stick out to me were already mentioned, but they're the surprising Rory with the Yale interview and when he says he only defended Lorelai in front of Strobe, because he was defending the Gilmore name.

[@a-go-go19]

This video and this comment section is SO VALIDATING

[@PensiveWhiskers]

To be honest, I kind of made the video to find validation. 😂 I haven't seen any videos criticizing Richard (not comprehensively) and I wanted to find people who felt the same way.

[@a-go-go19]

@@PensiveWhiskers so true. I see a lot of “they’re both bad, but its mostly Emily’s fault” kind of takes so it’s refreshing to seen any thoughtful criticism of Richard aside from “he’s kind of distant”.

[@Robin-of2jt]

another excellent video ! richard's classism and elitism are definitely some of the things that bothered me (not in a narrative sense but an emotional sense) on my first watch, and its only become more uncomfortable as ive grown up and understand the realities of class and money more. when richard bullies dean at dinner and when he insists luke franchises the diner to make him "acceptable" to his social circle, its just so horrible and dehumanizing. nevermind that dean is established to be very skilled (building a car from scratch at 16, later working in construction), or that luke has run a successful business for years in what is a very laborious industry--they arent wealthy, they arent of Status, so they are spoken down to and must be removed or fixed

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Those are very good points; Richard looks down on certain professions and doesn't recognize that their jobs are not any worse than his. Richard was handed his ticket to Yale through legacy, he landed a job at an insurance firm likely through connections. He never worked for himself, he worked under somebody else. Luke has managed to convert his father's old business into a diner and to keep it running and successful for years. What Luke has done I think is a lot more impressive and not any less intellectually stimulating. Luke doesn't just work at a diner, he is running a business. Notably, when Richard decided to open up his own business, he was a lost lamb and needed Lorelai's help. Dean did build an entire car and he understands construction, which is not something that a person can just pick up.

[@NeverlandSystemKitten]

I LOVE his character. While he can be caring and loving and loyal... he is also a very awfully flawed person at times, too - distant, cold, and elitist. He is very much the product of his upbringing and lifestyle, and EVERYTHING Lorelai wanted so badly to NOT be. His character was so great- both at his worst and his best.

[@angelaholmes8888]

Yes Richard was the product of his time

[@junglebat2139]

I do appreciate what you have shared about Richard Gilmore: he is a farcry from a perfect person. He is similarly flawed as Emily is, if not more. But! I personally find him as one of my favorite characters in the series. He has so much good inside of him, and has demonstrated many kind and loving actions. I would go so far and say that he is capable of redemption if not showing those arcs as the seasons went on. Even to his passing in the show, the grandfather left a legacy worth remembering: be it his insistance to not have Rory consider paying back a loan too soon, let alone with any interest (a point Rory wanted to bypass and offer more in return), the embrace Richard gave to his grandaughter when she came to him in tears after dropping out, the memory Lorelai shared of Richard showing his compassion with a day out of school and at the movies together, and the last scene we would see of the character opening his eyes and recognizing the impact and person his daughter had grown up to be. I will not say that Richard is a saint or deserves to be praised too highly. But, I do see the dynamic of his character, the humanity of a very elitist man set in his ways slowly break down walls and begin to make a change towards being better with his family (not perfect, but bettering) before he was gone. TL;DR Richard is not a perfect person. But he has some memorable moments of being a good person or at least doing good things worth recognizing, leading him to becoming a better person in the later sessons of the show

[@hershey_stay8699]

The moment which made me truly realize that Richard was just as manipulative as Emily is in S2 when Lorelai helps him set up his new office and he keeps delaying getting a new secretary just so he could have Lorelai help him. I get that he wants to spend time with her and their chemistry as father-daughter in those episodes is really nice until Lorelai points out that she can't keep working there because she has her own job and he acts all hurt and immediately dismisses her. He guilt-tripped Lorelai into thinking that she hurt him. He doesn't have an outburst like Emily who just says what she wants but he acts in a subtle manner so that his intention isn't so evident.

[@katevenhorst1723]

Yes!! 7:03 was literally the nail in the coffin for me for Richard. What could have been a heartwarming moment between Richard and Lorelai, where he could have said he wouldn’t stand for anyone defaming his daughter because he loves her and deep down he even respects her despite everything, turned out to be a moment where Richard reveals that he only defended her to protect the family name-not his daughter. And OMFG yes the way he never defended Emily from his mother, Trix, was not at all funny or acceptable.

[@Jag592]

How about when he went against Lorelei's plan to keep Rory in Yale and then just let her live with him, without telling Lorelei or discussing it with her.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

That is another good example; you're right! That one wasn't on my list because I am still VERY confused by Richard and Emily's decision there. I could not believe they did that, especially Richard. It almost felt out of character for him. Going against Lorelai made sense but being ok with Rory dropping out felt like it was going against everything Richard had stood for. It's mind boggling. I wonder if it was done for plot or if it was meant to signify that Richard is so opposed to his own daughter that he would even allow his granddaughter to drop out of Yale, a school that he has been begging for her to go to for years.

[@ambernicole2340]

​​@@PensiveWhiskersI always thought he did it because Rory came to him instead of going to her mother. It's like when Emily told him "he's the favorite" when Lorelei was mad at her for breaking up her and Luke. Richard liked being the favorite. He liked that Rory put him above Lorelei, and he probably thought they could "fix" her better than Lorelei (kind of like when they belittled Lorelei bc she didn't go to an ivy league school so she wouldn't know how to get Rory in). I figured that desire to be better than Lorelei in Rory's life drove it (and I'm not sure he realized his own motivation at all). But he told Lorelei "she came to me".

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I haven't thought of it that way but I definitely can see that now that you've said it.

[@mintchip5763]

One specific time I got really weirded out by Richard was that one episode where he finds out from his colleagues that Emily had gone on a date with another man after they had seperated and Richard responds so irrationally by purposefully crashing his car into Emily’s to stop her from going to an event. This scene always sticks out to me cause the narrative frames it as being a positive because he’s “fighting for Emily back” at that point in the series, but this is so seriously horrible. I am gonna say I don’t think he was wrong to be angry about it since he had just started to reconcile with Emily at that point but the way he took it out on Emily like that was so absurd, and so inconceivable wrong to do in the real world.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes, I do regret not putting that one on my list. It would rank pretty high for me. I missed a ton of examples.

[@zaraandrews600]

Richard always reminded me of my grandad. I remember him during one Christmas dinner lecturing me about how I needed to sort out my life and know what I was going to do after my bachelors (I still had several years left of studying).

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I'm sorry to hear that, 😕 that is really frustrating. I hope your grandad showed his loving side as well. Older generations can be stuck in their ways.

[@marianneshepherd6286]

Correct me if I'm wrong but in a later season (can't remember which one) doesn't Richard verbally attack a judge and a lawyer (a good friend) because Rory was sentenced to community service due to breaking into a boat then taking it for a joy ride.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Yes! That is another good example. He was being very entitled when he yelled at the lawyer and judge.

[@dianaszuts398]

I love your content. You are so natural and always pick great topics :)

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Diana! Thank you so so much! You've been such a constant presence since I've been doing Gilmore Girls videos. I appreciate it so much. ☺

[@dianaszuts398]

@@PensiveWhiskers You're very welcome!😊

[@martinmackye9865]

Since it's not mentioned once in this video I feel compelled to come to Richard's defense with the monumental truth that it was him and ONLY HIM, that provided everything. HE PROVIDED EVERYTHING. HE KEPT EMILY HER ENTIRE LIFE IN SAFETY COMFORT AND LUXURY. HE SUPPORTED HIS DAUGHTER AND GRANDDAUGHTER WHENEVER THEY ASKED FOR IT. Without Richard this family is nowhere.

[@JudeMarchisio]

Great character analysis!! Really enjoyed the video.

[@Robert-hz9bj]

Honestly, the thing that always bugged me about Richard was how much he infantilizes the women in his life, particularly Rory and Lorelai. When Rory decided to drop out of Yale and live with Emily and Richard for a while, Richard finally comes around to the realization that his indulgence of her was a mistake. However, rather than pursuing the (extremely) obvious solution of sitting down with her and having an adult conversation with his now-adult granddaughter, he instead goes to Lorelai and asks her what kind of incentive might get her to return to Yale (ex. offering early access to her trust fund). And when Lorelai disagrees and tells him his whole approach to this situation is wrong, he takes umbrage and says "he will not be spoken to that way by her" before storming off in a huff. In his mind, Lorelai and Rory don't seem to be grown-ups. He seems to view Rory as an innocent, wayward child whom he can coax into proper behavior by offering her a shiny toy, rather than a young adult who needs a good kick in the ass to help get back on track. And, alternatively, he views Lorelai as a bratty, rebellious teenager who needs a lesson in respecting her elders, rather than a rational, fully grown woman with opinions and views that differs from his own.

[@momorales1021]

He is not a good husband nor father. But isn't that the point? From the very start, Lorelai's parents are not portrayed in a good light. They were never glorified for being good. I'm confused. Are there people who think he is a good guy?

[@138veronica]

I'm always here for the Richard slander. ALWAYS!

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Hahahaha, welcome!

[@YayaBolender]

And when he is helping with Rory’s project at Chilton and they are working in his home. Emily comes to see if everyone has enough to eat or to drink, and she talks to Rory. He is very condescending towards her because it is a “business meeting” as he says, and she shouldn’t be around, like what she is doing, again, is meaningless. He doesn’t respect her, she is serving him. In spite of all this, I like Richard a little. He was missing a lot in the reboot, I was sad that he was not there, the character as the actor who unfortunately is not among us anymore.

[@naomimurapa4406]

I dont think Richard was mean, i think he came from a world of toxic masculinity and patriarchy, where men are expected to trivialise all things femenine (Emily's shopping and tea parties) and believe taht women are lesser beings. But we see that he has a heart when he talks about the time he took Lorelei to the mall when she was sad as a kid... or when he catches Lorelei trying to escape by the window and he lets her go and pretends that he didnt find her... I think he understood Lorelei and Emily more than society would let him show... He had a soft core, he just comes from a world where the soft core is not considered manly... I see him as a gentle kind man who was firced to hide it in order to get and stay ahead!! His dismissal of Rory in the begining was more about Lorelei than it was about Rory, i believed he loved her very much from the start but wanted to maintain his manly/angry dad persona as was expected of him... when he realised that Rory was smart, he couldnt hide it any more, so its nit that he didnt care before, its just that he couldnt justify why he cared so much... he comes from a world where you have to justify respecting women...

[@OcyTaviAh]

I never had the same positive feelings towards Richard as you did, but that may have been because I personally came from a similar abusive background and was under no false ideals of what abusive people were like. But it just goes to show how abusive people can be tricky like that, and can appear loving and caring and genuine when they’re not really. Richard and Emily love Rory and Lorelei, but it is always with string, it is conditional.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

I disagree, Emily was right to "force" Richard to spend time with his granddaughter

[@PensiveWhiskers]

So I totally hear what you're saying. I don't think that Emily was being a villain by suggesting that Rory and Richard go golfing together. That, in and of itself, is not a bad suggestion. My feeling on it is that when she was suggesting it, neither one was inclined to go golfing together. If Rory was expressing a desire to go, then it would be fair for Emily to insist that Richard go with her. Rory was open to the idea when she was leaving the house, but she didn't seem inclined at the moment that the suggestion was made. After Rory agreed, then I think it was fair of Emily to chastise Richard for how he was acting.

[@IssaPartay]

Yeah. I think that’s just how he is in the relationship. I also think he’s nervous to get attached and have Rory go away like Lorelei did. It’s not as cut and dry as everyone makes it out to be.

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

Suggestions: More bridgerton ones BBC’s Sherlock and Merlin Onto Richard, You reminded me how much I loved the storyline of Emily separating from Richard. In this storyline, you see how much she wants to be respected. She lets her guard down more and there were many nice moments of her reuniting with Lorelei and exploring other sides of herself. Considering how many parties he needed to impress people, I hate how much he diminished Emily’s contributions. There are many skills involved. Project management, negotiation, budgeting, time management, networking, etc. I get why he thought Rory did not have the heart for this and could be much more, but considering how much Emily loved doing this, I hate how much he belittled her for it. I think I am mixed on Richard, but for every good moment he has, he has to have 10 bad ones.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I have a Bridgerton idea that I wanted to talk about but it falls into one of my wacky thoughts categories rather than an actually thoughtful analytical video. I've been nervous about sharing it because it's silly. Sadly, I haven't seen Merlin or Sherlock 😔. I'm mixed on Richard as well. It does bother me how much he minimizes Emily because I think that Emily has a lot of potential and is actually very intelligent and he doesn't recognize that she is very savvy and does a lot for him.

[@gabrielleduplessis7388]

@@PensiveWhiskers i wouldn’t mind some silly videos. I am sure everyone else would not mind either.

[@scnlnaomi4549]

You know, when I say I relate with Lorelai; I relate when i say BOTH Emily and Richard are just like my folks. This show points out what MENTAL manipulation Yes, maybe there is some over- dramatic visualization But still, This show makes me realize, mental manipulation or any manipulation at all does not have to have scars, buuuuuut, your body remembers, and it makes you react, this whole thing feels like a ramble even to me i dont even know what i am talking about

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I'm very sorry that you had to go through that. I think the body does remember. Even if we move on, we develop these knee-jerk reactions to events that remind us of our past. I get what you're saying. 💜

[@scnlnaomi4549]

@@PensiveWhiskers Thank you for looking at it with kind perspective. It means a lot, kudos to u for making the video

[@ev1si]

This video is so so good! I agree with all of these points and I’m so happy that someone else, you, is seeing Richard the way I’ve been! Thank you!

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Thank you! My rose-colored glasses finally came off and it feels good. 😆

[@kristentaylor5359]

I didn't remember Richard as nice, he was always more interested in his own life than his wife, daughter or grandchild. Dude was a super snob too. I would've been shocked if Lorelai had turned out as normal as she did, both of her parents were dismissive and snobs

[@mikaelalove5055]

Throughout this I realized that Richard is an invisible force that creates contention between Emily and Lor. Not always but most of Lorelei's anger is always so well expressed towards her mother in a way that we only get small clips of when it comes to Richard. And in a way I wonder why it's so easy for her to take all her frustration out on her mother animatedly where it doesn't happen with Richard. Emily does gross things but I find that her relationship with both girls is highlighted more and it's so much easier for Lorelai to focus her hurt from both parents on just one: Emily. Which makes you assume the only parent she actually bonded with was her mother. Even in a twisted way.

[@footballreddevils600]

To be fair about the country club thing he was only hesitant because he also feel concerned Emily is pushing Rory to do something that she doesn't want or need to do and someone Rory's age should be doing other things than hanging out with older people in the country club it kinda shows complexity of people Rory turns out she enjoys it because she was introverted/easy going in season 1 and doesn't need to do tje party thing all the time

[@PensiveWhiskers]

That is a good point. I think that a part of Richard's fear might be the fact that he knows that the DAR lifestyle is not the right fit for who Rory is as a person. Although, I do think he sees the DAR events as frivolous, but his concern about Rory wasn't just about that.

[@purpurina5663]

Essentially, these people didn't LISTEN, Richard and Emily especially. They went on and on about what they wanted/thought and never took in the other person's perspective, if they could get in a word at all. Sometimes it was infuriating, sometimes borderline ridiculous.

[@humanbeing8163]

Even when I was really upset with Emily, when Richard and her "took a break" I felt the world SO much lighter

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I felt the same way on my last full rewatch.

[@rosssallee9790]

I think it's funny, the entire point of Lorelei's disdain for her parents are of these flaws. Personally, I feel the point of this entire show is the road of making these flawed Gilmores a family again. The Friday night dinners are the heart of the show. The most important dinner is the first one after the separation of mother and daughter. The level of growth is on display when you see them in true form, arguing, laughing and standing up for one another. In the beginning, why would he want to know his granddaughter? Lorelei made every effort to keep the family apart. In growth, and in time, I think she regretted some of that distance.

[@ayushikhetan9012]

I love Richard but like you said, he was distant and uninterested in bonding with Rory. If you realise, Rory kind of had to earn his attention and love. She had to be capable of getting into Chilton, she had to reading books like him and she had to be so sweet and pious for him to give her attention. If Rory wasn't like that, if she was like Louis or Lane then Richard wouldn't have taken any interest in her. His love for her comes from rory being the child he thinks will make him look good. Obviously it wasn't the case all the time, he might have also been distant because he resented lorelei for not marrying Christopher or not getting into Yale or getting pregnant or the fact that he didn't have any bond with Rory since she was a child but the whole golf episode is disturbing because the way other grandfather's were speaking about their grandchildren it seemed like he might have not feign any interest in Rory if she wasn't the way she was. The fact that he chose Huntbergers over his own daughters speaks a lot. Richard and Emily were obsessed with fame and status and they attached people's worth to those as well. That's why he never liked Luke even though Luke was always their for his daughter and Rory.

[@anawieder5003]

As someone who has an incredibly invalidating and emotionally unintelligent father, I saw through Richard’s narcissism right away. He has no ability to show affection unless he’s prodded to. He cares only about status, and image. He’s dishonest and uses shame as a weapon against Lorelei

[@meganb.higgins973]

The love of money is the root of all evil as they say....

[@OfficialSTJones]

I like your analysis! I’m a long time Gilmore fan and this is really spot on. It would be interesting if you did one on Christopher and Rory’s father/daughter dynamics too.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Thank you! The Christopher/Rory dynamic is very interesting. It's also very heavy and sad. I am a bit nervous going there for now.

[@OfficialSTJones]

@@PensiveWhiskers i understand! You’re totally right! It is sad and probably does go pretty deep

[@gnatasha-bite]

it's always weird to me how Richard seems to evade all judgement for his role in anything. The narrative pushes everything on Emily. I know it's a show centering Mother/Daughter relationships so the relationship between Lorelei and Emily is given more focus, but they rarely acknowledge his faults.

[@carysthompson638]

My least favorite moment was when he not only distrusted Dean and dismissed him but actually intercepted Lorelei’s parenting and Rory’s free will when Dean made that car. Everyone just brushed it off as him being silly overprotective Grandpa but to me it came off as him treating Dean but especially Lorelai and Rory horribly. He literally though of himself as so important as to actually “forbid” Rory from driving HER OWN CAR.

[@Blubes23]

Nah, he looked at dean and saw the real dean no one else saw and that no one really talks about. He was head over heels for rory, but married another. The other woman, his wife, showed clear signs of distress about their life together. And at a few scenes she acted straight up scared of him. Richard knew the monent he saw dean what kind he was. It was never about the car. Same with emily wanting him to meet rory at the door instead of honking outside for the scool dance. She knew too how shit he was as a person. Nothing to do with lorelais parental skills, tho they clearly was off. Remember that rory is blinded by her mothers side of things. She wasnt mad about richard blindsiding her at the school, shes mad because she knew the mother didnt want her to go there and that she didnt got to prepare for the meeting, because she might actually wanted to go there and do a good meeting. Shes acting up bc of her need to please her mother. Rory is actully quite fond of the rich lifestyle. But she is so gazlighted by the mother she always tries to please her.

[@tacomartinez9469]

"Richard is being a total dick" Has to be the most pun intended that wasn't intended 💀

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Hahahaha, true.

[@coneil72]

Richard is a POS and I hate how this fandom glorifies him (though I don't deny anyone liking him despite his flaws). Excited for this vid!

[@angelaholmes8888]

I didn't like how remorseless Richard was about bullying a student i don't like people like that because i was bullied so bad that i dropped out of school sadly people like Richard do exist

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Oh my god 😧, I'm so sorry you went through that. That is horrific, no child should experience this. In order for me to watch the show and accept Richard, I literally have to pretend that his story didn't happen, because the reality of it is too much. I feel like I do that with other parts of the show, where violence is used for comedy but I can't accept it on a real level. That section about the window was very long, I ranted for a very long time and cut out most of it because I felt that people would judge me for perceiving that action as the worst one. It really is in my opinion. I'm truly sorry you lived through that, you didn't deserve it.

[@belafaulds6405]

I rewatched this show recently. I didnt really see the build up to the separation in season 4 and 5 the first time I watched it. But when I rewatched it i was so shocked at the way he behaves

[@rachelr4126]

God Giles is the best tv dad seriously.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Couldn't agree with you more!

[@Dashti1000Days]

I love this! I feel like Richard tends to get a pass because people focus more on the bad things that Emily does. Maybe because Emily's horrible in an active way from the start, whereas Richard is horrible passively at first. But I totally agree with everything you said

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Thank you! I also think that Richard more often gets a pass because his actions are more subtle and he's kind of quieter about it. Some of it is inaction, like not defending Emily in front of Trix and not telling Emily about lunches with Pennilyn Lott.

[@haileymorris174]

Great video. Character flaws are so important to a good TV show or story in general

[@darcy8687]

Also the time when he started his own business and lorelai helped him out with unpacking and doing the secretary stuff for a few days. When she said she had to go back to her regular job he got so cold and made her leave immediately. Like wow, she did you a HUGE favor. Can't you be more grateful and kind?

[@hellolunabee7]

How did I forget the window story???? 😮

[@jessicav931]

Another curious thing: Richard is dead in the special. I don't know if this was a decision related to the actor. But it worked for the character, because the show was about the Gilmore Girls and he had nothing else to show. But Emily! Emily story become complete with Richard's departure. She loved him so much and it was her identity to carry for him and building their elite image together. Once he is gone she stop carrying about those things and specially: she starts to be flexible with the maid. Because she doesn't need to chase perfection to serve Richard anymore. Once she lost her husband, there was a lot of spacr left. So she developed a nice relationship with the Help and with the community (becoming a volunteer at the museum).

[@rosekafe7063]

I wonder if Richards distance could also be because he is insecure. Richard never talks about how he missed Loreali he only talks about the pain it caused Emily. I wonder if he decided to act non chalant and cold towards Loreali and Rory because he feels hurt and would rather act like he never cared for them then show real emotion especially when Loreali expresses time after time she doesnt like them. I think this rejection made him have the defense mechanims of trying to reject them. To make himself feel like it doesn't bother him how they feel. I think this is why he is so distant towards Rory and Loreali in the first season because he knows they don't really want to be in friday night dinners and rather than acting eager he acts like he doesn't want them either. I have the same issue, too. When my sister used to have a birthday party, my mom would always insist that my sister included me as a friend. I would always pretend and protest against it, saying I would only stay for a little bit even though i really wanted to be there having fun with my sister. I knew sister didn't want me there because she wanted to spend exclusive time with her friends(which wasn't often because we werent allowed to go on playdates)so I tried to pretend I didn't want to be there either. I tried to make myself think that it didn't hurt me that my sister didn't want me there, and I didn't care.

[@vpenguin333]

The irony is that there's a distinct possibility that Rory could have actually been happier if she continued on being involved in the DAR and following that lifestyle that did seem to make Rory happier than she wound up in the sequel series. Rory clearly wasn't cut out to be a journalist, but there were so many other paths she could have taken, and she probably would have wound up more fulfilled and content in the end.

[@minakshibastapure6117]

Richard is an abusive husband and father. He is not flawed. He is horrible. Emily is flawed. Emily cares about family and reputation. Richard only cares about reputation.

[@lauriecarson6483]

Emily is that way too. Did you ignore how Emily treated Lorelai.

[@minakshibastapure6117]

@@lauriecarson6483 I didn't ignore that. I was making a point that Emily is the parent who tried but failed. Richard is the parent who didn't try. Richard won't be such an absent father to a male offspring I guarantee you.

[@she7061]

true!! especially when you see how he treats Christopher @@minakshibastapure6117

[@no.6377]

I never gave much thought to Richard honestly. I knew I didn't like him and found him kinda annoying, but oh boy. You got me re framing some of these things. Guys like Richard are an ick, the way he's so dismissive. It's that old boys club type of sexism that's perfectly normal for his generation.

[@jameyst.peters4678]

I guess I have a soft spot for Richard based solely on meeting Trix. Richard has always strived to live up to being a Gilmore. Trix drove his every goal, she set the tone for his entire life. She married a Gilmore for the best of the Gilmore name. People weren't super into their second cousins back in the day. What she did was a calculated move, one of the few power moves a woman was able to make. I think that he adores the women in his life. It think that has never been in question. His 'way' of loving them is providing. Being successful and providing them with luxuries. For Lorelei to reject those luxuries at 16, is unfathomable to this man. He admires Lorelei for her independence however her independence is his biggest resentment as well. Same thing with Emily. He love Emily's drive and her intelligence, however they are his biggesr resentments towards her. Thats why he allows Trix to insult her and finds it amusing. Emily Gilmore could fillet Trix if she wanted to. But because of how she wants her family to appear, she swallows all of that. Richard swallows a lot of bs off Emily and even his daughter and granddaughter. If she cant give it out, she can take it. Now that being said, I definitely agree that Trix's visits were some of his worst times.

[@PensiveWhiskers]

I know what you mean. I have sympathy for Richard given how Trix is. I have grown to appreciate Trix as a character but if I met her in person, I would be fuming.

[@Ariana-wv4pf]

Richard and Emily are awful. But compared to my own "parents" they are the most loving saints. My parents psychologically tortured me, humiliated and terrorised me as a hobby, deprived me of sleep and food (because of this I developed extreme PTSD and picca as a child) and basically treated me as a slave.

[@amyli092]

Richard's attachment to his mother seems to be unhealthy to me. I know that your analysis is primarily focused on his behavior as a main character in the series, but if one was to dig a little deeper, I'd say that because his mother was a very influential and impactful person in his eyes, this basically sent him on a path where he thinks he can get away with anything and achieve success by any means necessary. His cruelty or negligence are two extremes that could stem from his own trauma issues since we know that his father died when he was young. Of course, none of this is being said to excuse any poor behavior on his behalf. There's so much complexity and dysfunction to the Gilmore family in general, including Richard and even Emily. I really enjoyed this analysis! 😊

[@PensiveWhiskers]

Hey! I also think that Richard's attachment to his mother is unhealthy and his relationship with her would explain why he became so ruthless and negligent. Like you said, it definitely doesn't excuse it but I like that the show gives us a foundation to understand Richard's character.