Not Until I Say I Do

[@Ben_Hedlund]

I keep coming back to this video, and I keep recommending it to people. Great stuff, Pastor Fisk.

[@mrs.teilborg649]

My husband and I did that sort of thing before getting married and we have had a blessed marriage for all of our 21 years together ❤.

[@lilyreinemann9878]

Thank you Pastor Fisk! I'm in my young teens and this has been really helpful, so I can find the person I want to spend the rest of my life, with God- pleasing means and less heartbreak!

[@kirstenhorne2029]

This is really helpful to my sister and me. I wish he had made a whole video series on this topic!

[@thewordrules]

When my husband and I switched from being lifelong evangelicals of various forms to the Lutheran faith, we asked if we had to call ourselves Lutherans. Well, 2/3's the way into the class we were very proud to be Lutherans. So much more biblical; everything backed up by the Bible. Not so in other evangelical, feel good churches. Until you have taken a good confessional Lutheran catechism, you might not understand what I mean. Huge difference.

[@clarinetcantata]

This video is excellent!! I'm in my early teens, and this is exactly what I wish so many of my peers thought about marriage and dating and how to go about it all. It is so sad how much marriage in the modern secular world has been distorted (divorce is almost entirely assumed). I'm totally sharing this video with some of my peers.

[@Revfiskj]

I’ve thought for years about how to update it and not lose the content to history. Thanks for sharing it!

[@71stTrench]

Thank You! amen, amen , amen. I'm a young man in my early 20s and I have never dated anyone, yet. and not really because it's the way my parents raised me, but because from a very young age I recognized the foolishness of the modern beliefs on the subject. Anyways, I really needed to hear this. I've always felt alone on this among my friends and this was very encouraging,

[@judithtaylor6713]

Great video. Thank you for sharing this wisdom. Gods blessings as you navigate life with your children.

[@karinaberndt832]

Thank you Pastor Fisk! Wonderful video from the beginning to the end! Agreed. 100%!

[@jb_0029]

This is how the Lord told me to approach women - exactly what you said and yet I didn't listen. You're right about everything, all else can and usually does result in sin. I wish we had more aged families in the Faith to teach the youth, because proper roles and distinctions are impossible without God's Word

[@tigermoonlight67]

As a girl in her late teens who has had to explain to others why I don't date, I'd like to thank you so much for this video. For a long time, I simply told people that I didn't want to deal with all the "drama" that comes with the dating scene. That wasn't really true. What I really meant was that the young men who showed interest (none of them bad people) were simply not people I or my family could see me marrying. Now I'll just send those people to watch this video. :)

[@aroggow]

Thanks for the video Pr. Fisk. Excellent advice for teenagers, singles, dating couples and parents. Sadly, after looking at some of the responses, it seems that many people are watching and not listening.

[@Cris43130]

Pastor Fisk is not saying that his viewpoint is exclusive to the Christian faith, merely that it is the viewpoint that the Christian faith is and should promote and that this mindset is rooted deeply into the history of the Christian faith rather than a best practice that was recently discovered and then incorporated into it.

[@RomGabe]

@Christ43130 Amen to that!

[@KMW1027]

I loved this video. Thanks for remembering to give advice to those of us whose parents aren't available to give their guidance. One other important thing I would tell any girl thinking about getting married: find a man who is ready for marriage. Don't fall in love with a guy who will EVENTUALLY make a great husband and father... find one who already is ready. Otherwise you'll set yourself up for years of waiting and potential heartbreak.

[@mrjkdeyoung]

Really one of your best, Pastor Fisk.

[@rationalmaterialist]

Ha, this is about verbatim what my son has been hearing from us since pre-K. I'm glad someone else is saying it, too! Thanks

[@travist7777]

NO TOUCHING! (Seriously, it is good advice. It has been shown that it begins, in women, the process for accepting intimacy; i.e., "wearing down her defences.")

[@paulwirth1123]

Very thankful I've been led to this program... find it intriguing we both have 4 kids, my oldest girl is named Trinity

[@daisywhite7453]

Amazingly well explained. Well done Jonathan Fisk.

[@bholtz5151]

After everything I did in my youth this makes sense to me.

[@115alphonzonite]

when someone tells you, "My love for you burns like a 1000 suns..." tell em', "You said once you'll love me forever and now you'll only love me for 10 thousand billion years?? rude."

[@loofrin]

wow, amazing. well done!

[@RiebauChef]

The spiritual/intellectual aspect of ensuring that future is indeed "the one" should indeed be worried about before the 'hand-holding' road of intimacy beings. Practically speaking, my opinion is that "engagement" (there is a commitment to marriage) allows for hand-holding etc: Of course you didn't have time to address how statistics show that doing it the "modern" way (living together first, etc.) actually increases the likelihood of a marriage failing. Thanks, RevFisk.

[@callunas]

That is great! I hope you'll find someone soon!

[@TAKMusic100]

yeeeeeaaaaahhhhh, we'll see how things go...

[@rpgurljay]

Thank you so much for this! It was very encouraging to me since I've developed very similar views and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I'm a young woman of twenty three and since a young age I watched the pitfalls and fallacies of worldly dating. However, it is very discouraging sometimes when there seem to be no good Lutheran guys in my age group. Pray for our generation.

[@samanthagrace9683]

My dad sent me this.

[@SamOwenI]

I think this is good advice. I think it's important to ask yourself why you're doing things. What are your desires? Why are you dating? Why do you want to hold his/her hand? etc. Questions like these help us to see that it's more than "just dating". One thing though: I think you've misunderstood what a gamete is. A gamete is a sperm or egg cell. These things don't cause sexual desires. That's more to do with hormones. Think testosterone, oestrogen, progesterone released by ovaries/testes/adrenal glands.

[@Vikingsia20]

C. S. Lewis' The Four Loves is an excellent resource. His distinction between "love" and "being in love" is significant. Anyways, it is a good video once again. P. S. Love the Transformers referenced image.

[@MattLorfeld]

@rebekahinnc because Pastor Fisk understands how a male age 17-22 thinks and the hormones raging during those years. It's decent advice, and note, he did say he was speaking in terms of his opinion. Personally, I'm not sure I'm within him 100% and also applying this to all stages of life... but I also can't deny that the advice he gave is good... difficult... but good especially in those hormone raging years. To fully understand, you really have to be a guy looking back on this time.

[@007TruthSeeker]

Great video! Rather a sharp jab to the shallow and loose lifestyle of so many moderns, but timely and meaningful. You will attract trollish comments, I'm sure, since speaking the truth in public causes that to happen, as other prophets have learned. God bless you, your work and that wonderful family of yours.

[@News2urearsBlogspot]

Nice vid. Added to my playlists

[@dizzysound]

Hey, its 720p! Terrific!

[@wallowamater]

I love it!

[@Andy61077]

@AndrewMalanCardistry Actually no, he did not say to "wait to get married until we were in our thirties." Please watch this again and LISTEN because apparantly you weren't taking very good notes. And I'm sorry if that sounded a little rude, but he also did say it's okay not to agree with him AND that he used some of this off of his own opinion.

[@myuserid1969]

Many are but they know how to control it and save it for marriage to make their wives happy women!

[@RemedyDriveRox]

Okay, so I am 17 and have been dating my boyfriend for 10 months. The only reason I am dating him is because I believe he is the guy I want to marry. We both believe the same things religiously and about mariage. He got me a promise ring and we are promising to God and eachother that we are going to save ourselves for marriage. We don't have a pastor on campus right now so its hard to talk to anybody about things, but is this considered wrong then? Me dating?

[@yulianataalendo5617]

❤️❤️❤️

[@Vikingsia20]

@loofrin lol...that just so happened to be the day that Pastor Fisk was on Issues Etc. about another topic.

[@rebekahinnc]

Not to mention the whole, "When you actually find the right person to settle down with, go for it. If you've found that person, and you're waiting to get married, you're wasting time." THAT is kind of... bad advice. If you found the right person and you're still unsure, OR your life isn't in order yet, then do NOT get married right then, otherwise it could cause a lot of trouble.

[@cfarr18]

At my very religious college (a Missouri Lutheran Synod private school), a professor my freshman year literally scoffed at another religion. I don't enjoy other people's religion being forced upon me, let alone hearing someone LAUGH OUT LOUD at another people's beliefs. I see no reason for me to convert now, after already living 20 years of life that have been amazing WITHOUT your God. But to each his own, and I respect what you're doing, bringing Jesus to the internet and all :)

[@OrthodoxofUSA]

In the photo at 9:59, the guy's feet are not touching the ground.

[@livie1313]

Yea, I'm also Lutheran. The one issue I have with this would be the emphasis on the idea of "family dating". Its not the entire idea, but the fact that you make it seem like family input is 90% of the overall choice. Plus, Gen. 2:24 kinda contradicts what your saying. The same thing is mentioned Mark 10:7. I agree part way, but I think family input should only get 10-20%, because of those verses.

[@rebekahinnc]

@antsterr3 Ok, I am not going to disagree this time. I keep getting replies to my comments from earlier, and it irritates me slightly, because from what I could tell, no one had answered my question. Maybe I missed their point, but you actually answered my question, and that's really just what I wanted to know. I may not agree with everything Pr. Fisk is saying, but part of that could just be because I didn't understand it fully. Or maybe just because of how I was raised. Thanks for explaining.

[@redeemingamy]

What about when you are over 30, have saved yourself for marriage...don't have a "family community" to help you pick someone...and what's out there is pretty much leftovers? Heh.

[@joehanneman1644]

If ur gonna hate then y did u bother watching the video

[@rebekahinnc]

@tutal Okay, good point. And there are some things I do agree with in this video. Though, that doesn't really answer my question. I hear a lot of families I know making the rule of, "no kissing until you're married" or some such. And I am not a guy, so I don't know how the male mind works, but if a guy is going to lust no matter what, then what's the difference if you hold hands or not? Or kiss I guess?

[@007TruthSeeker]

Actually, ALL of what Rev. Fisk said is supported by scripture. You would do well to read all of it, and not just the parts that don't scream "Sinner!" to you.

[@DanGorby]

A revelation just smacked me in the face: physical touch is probably way more dangerous for us men than it is for women. We have a hard enough time controlling our sexual urges as it is, but adding physical touch to the mix would be like holding a can of gasoline over a fire. I could be wrong; it might be just as dangerous for women, I don't know.

[@RyanDrevlow]

@rebekahinnc That is the point of everything he is trying to say. Putting "Being ready" which in America means having enough stuff, before what God wants in your life for your marriage is a "bad idea" as you put it. The being settled does not bring satisfaction because it is an allusion and there can always be things said that a person must have before marrying. Your are simply placing the "stuff" in that place instead of God. How well has it worked in America "being prepared" %50 divorce.

[@wildflower789]

I agreed with most of what you said. Except for the "Is he a lutheran? If not, don't date him." part. It should be, "Is he a Christian?"

[@RomGabe]

@Lily Marie ... to be a Lutheran is to be a Chrisitan. IMHO, there is no CHristian traidition/denomination/stream that confesses and upholds the Gospel in its simplicity and purity as in Lutheranism. Check it out!

[@wildflower789]

RomGabe I never said that to be Lutheran does not mean to be Christian. What is your point? Are you saying that anyone who is not a Lutheran is not a Christian?

[@rebekahinnc]

Before you marry someone, it's better to be SURE of the decision, and it's better to have your act together before getting into that kind of commitment.

[@MattLorfeld]

@rebekahinnc 99% of males have already lusted before any physical contact is made... as to waiting until one's life is in order... well that will never happen.

[@therealsimdan]

@TheAilama88 See his video titled "Everlasting Extras: Gay Marriage"

[@greetification]

Thanks, but I think I'll stick with the "try then buy" approach.

[@007TruthSeeker]

Those comments you described as "good" actually are snarky attempts at flaming, which are hardly productive. Rev. Fisk has labored to craft his comments to help those actually interested in growing and developing as a Christian in this filthy cesspool of a world, which causes violent reactions in those who don't want God in their lives. Recognize yourself in this discussion?

[@quickpersonsIND]

Thank you but nope the thing about this is that no one should ever marry or have sex it says so in the bible it is in there Corinthians 7:8-9.

[@v1hebrews11]

Excellent! Except for the only-marry-a-Lutheran stuff. ;) I will be sharing this with others - Lutheran or not. ~A Bible Believing Christ Follower

[@RomGabe]

@v1hebrews11 ... check out the BookOfConcord.org and what it teaches on SIN. It will blow your theological socks away. You will not find in Christianity a deeper and more biblical confession on what SIN is. Welcome to Lutheranism ... Sola Gratia, Sola Fide, Solus CHristus, Sola Scriptura, Soli Deo Gloria.

[@rebekahinnc]

@tutal Ok, but if 99% of males have already lusted even BEFORE physical contact, then what is the point of not holding hands if they already lusted in the first place?

[@TheSletrab]

I'm not a Lutheran but if you replace every time you say Lutheran with Christian then this is all fantastic advice!

[@RomGabe]

@David Bartels. To be Lutheran is to be Christian. Lutherans confess the 3 ancient Creeds. You will not find a more Gospel-centric church and confession besides Lutheranism.

[@007TruthSeeker]

@quickpersonsIND Ridiculous and childish. The context clarifies Paul's intent, which is not what you said.

[@rebekahinnc]

Ok, but, it's not even a sin to have physical contact with someone. Physical contact meaning hand holding, or even kissing. But if you're lusting after one another, then that'll cause problems. But if there's no lust, then what's wrong with it? Honestly. What if you just want to hold hands to hold hands? Seriously. You hold hands to cross the street when you're 5. There's not much difference to me.

[@cfarr18]

I dont like the way you make it seem that ONLY people who follow this style of relationship can be happy. My parents are both atheists, and have been married for coming close to 30 years. That's my least favorite part about the church. They make it seem as though to be happy you HAVE to be in it. No one else on the face of the earth has even the slightest chance at being remotely happy, that unless you're part of the church, you literally can't live a good life.

[@mystic-taco]

Two things. 1. When I first saw your videos, I thought you looked like a 19 year old kid. I'm guessing you're in your mid twenties... Yet, you have a six year old child.... Did you not just tell us all to wait to get married until we were in our thirties? #hypocrisy 2. It's almost as if this video is designed to be therapy for the weird people that aren't as successful at dating. Very little of this is supported by scripture. I think you may be getting your information for obscure places.

[@scarshapedstar]

Marriage isn't about love and fathers shouldn't even allow their daughters to meet men who they don't want her to marry. You do realize that this sounds a lot like Saudi Arabia, right?