Obsessions about death, reality, and the meaning of life

Existential OCD involves obsessions about philosophical questions that no one can answer. People with this form of OCD may obsess over whether they are real, what happens after death, the meaning of life, or the vastness of the universe. In this video, we will talk about the obsessions and compulsions seen in this form of OCD, as well as how we generally approach treatment.
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[@MelissaShepardMD]

Hi all! Thank you for watching. Please refrain from using the comment section to try and convince others of your views on what happens after death or on the meaning of life. I understand that these are well-intentioned, but they can be harmful to people with OCD. And it is off-topic as a person's actual belief system has very little to do with the development of existential OCD.

[@Youtubeuser10873]

If i have an icd about the fear of losing someone how is the exposure therapy done for this type of fear?

[@Manuel-nl6hr]

I'm having a real bad existential crisis. I don't know if it is depersonalisation or derealization. All i know is that i have that intrusive thought that everything around me isn't real, myself included, i question everything, life, existance, the universe....everything seems so illogical and that shakes me...I get trembling, my heart races really fast and sometimes i simply can't find peace or hope...I feel so alone, and terrified, like i can't trust anyone because nobody really exists. I can't fight it with logic and i dont know what to do...I've never been this terrified in my life, i swear. All i want to do for the whole day is to lay down as if im ill and cry, sometimes i cant cry cause i feel numb and empty...I have no interest in anything anymore. Can someone please offer some help?

[@thebestnickname]

O my god, same here! For me, it started like a week ago. Now, every night for me is like hell, because the terror of death and uncertainty is chasing me, when I'm trying to go to sleep. Also, it's been my first time having a panic attack, and back then I thought I'm having a stroke\heart attack. Every night, I'm trying to control my breathing and distract myself from any inner thoughts. It's taking me 2-3 hours to actually fall asleep… Kinda sucks. I wrote everything kinda short here, but your experience is literally the same as mine. I'm really sorry, I understand how terrifying this state might be, hope you will get help. I will try to find some psychologist for myself after Christmas, I think you should do the same.

[@Manuel-nl6hr]

@@thebestnickname Hii, it really sucks i know...After a week i can say with confidence that my derealisation phase is over, but i still can't get a good night sleep due to my death anxiety and phobias. It's probably because i turned 20 today and it was really shocking...i guess i need time to accept it. Also, i've already visited a psychologist and we will reschedule it. I just want to feel like i don't care about it anymore and i know i shouldn't cause im not that old but for some reason these thoughts don't seem to be willing to leave. In any case, i wish u a fast recovery and mental stability, it's such a shame not to have it

[@abhinkrishna5091]

U will get over this bro. Get busy. Set some goals

[@sharmilakhanal3377]

Yes. Mine was the same and I'm recovered now. But the philosophical thoughts like nihilism still trigger. All we have to do is accept whatever the feeling we have and try to do the daily life task at least try baby steps if its hard to move. Dont add up the thought. Let come and pass these intrusive thoughts but you dont have to reply and listen theses thoughts. With practice you will learn letting go of those head voice believe me. But it might take a little time to teach our subconscious mind that these are only instrusive thoughts and not reality and they are no dangerous. You gtta practice with having sense of safety. First step is think thoughts are not dangerous, feel safe anddo not add up your thoughts with thsese intrusive thoughts.

[@ashmac87]

Look, those are just thoughts. They're not necessarily true. They are a way of looking at the world. Some ways of viewing the world may help us thrive, and others will tear us down. It's ok to have thoughts like that and it's ok to feel scared. Just notice them and then move on. It will take a lot of practice before this fully works. You're retraining your brain to feel neutral towards those scary thoughts.

[@DihelsonMendonca]

On the contrary ! The more I think about these things, the more I want to think. It gets on loop. Anxiety, fear of tragedy, uncertainty, ruminating thoughts. 👍

[@gunshotlagoon922]

I've suffered from different kinds of OCD throughout my life and was able to conquer each of them one at a time. But existential OCD has been so tough to overcome that it sometimes feels hopeless. The certainty of death and the absolute dread that surrounds it is too scary for my mind to ignore. It has also led to other problems for me including panic disorder, high blood pressure, nihilism, suicide ideation and health anxiety. The good news is I was just recently diagnosed by a therapist that I have this type of OCD after months of trying to figure it out on my own. I just want to move on and look back at all this as just a bad dream.

[@marial3301]

@Gunshot Lagoon Hi, how are you these days? Have you recovered? I got my existential dread OCD after DP/DR.

[@marial3301]

@Gunshot Lagoon Hi, how are you now? Any better?

[@gunshotlagoon922]

@@marial3301 Hello. Thank you so much for responding. I have not fully recovered. However, I can say it has gotten better with time. I still have the dread, panic and anxiety but I have more control and awareness than I did two months ago. The intensity is less. Even if I have only improved by 10% I am grateful for it that I will work to double it. Taking it day by day, minute by minute, is all I have. I still want to accomplish things with this life I have. For now, I've decided I would rather be a sad winner than a sad loser. I'm trying my hardest to not let this consume my life even when I feel like hope is lost. I do whatever it takes to push forward, even on days when I'm so down and broken. Thanks for checking up on me, I really appreciate it. I hope the best for you in your journey as well. Feel free to message me again, nobody should feel like they're alone.

[@marial3301]

@@gunshotlagoon922 I agree, no one should feel alone with such overwhelming feelings! I'm glad you're better, two months is not a long time so I'm sure you'll keep making progress. Did you also have DP/DR and a fear of death/disappearing/nothingness? I'm doing better in terms of DPDR but thoughts about death and pointlessness of it all are still bothering me. Hopefully they will fade away soon... BTW I can relate to everything you wrote, especially that part about trying to be a sad winner instead of loser (well put) PS Has therapy helped you?

[@gunshotlagoon922]

@@marial3301 Absolutely. I've been experiencing dread, anxiety and panic over death and purpose for who knows how long now. I would ask myself why bother putting in any effort into life itself if I'm just going to dissolve and be forgotten anyway. Or why waste a single ounce of energy having goals and responsibilities, why spend any time trying to find or add meaning to an otherwise meaningless exercise. These thoughts race through my mind on pretty much a daily basis. Going to therapy helped identify what was wrong with me, I stopped going upon realizing that only I can take things from there. After listing all the damage it has inflicted upon me I made the decision that I will not lose to OCD. Even if life is full of sadness, I just no longer want to suffer from depersonalization and brain fog. I think that's the goal, at least for now, to still live your life even through all the mysteries and uncertainties but without having to give up your sense of self. I hope things continue to get better for you.

[@thegamingrelish9272]

Trigger warning!!!! Im currently going through this myself. I currently am fixated on happiness. I heard a buddah say that true happiness comes from within and not from the outside (people, situations, objects, etc..) and when i heard this i begin feeling very detached with the world and very emotionless because my mind belives that nothing outside of me brings me happiness because it comes from within me so the only reason why im feeling happy is because the happiness its coming from me and that idea just made me feel that everything is useless because they dont bring me happiness.

[@ShawnaeRasmussen-fr1eu]

I have OCD & this is the best description I’ve seen on KZbin so far. I have the “purpose” story on repeat in my head. And thus have become avoidant of following through on my career and dreams because I’m unsure if it’s my actual purpose, or I may have misjudged, etc

[@ShaneBlackheart]

I am so thankful I found this video. I have C-PTSD, and I thought it was related, and it may be, but existential OCD describes in a way what I have struggled to describe for the past two years. It's been a nightmarish cycle of anxiety and obsession, and I felt so alone with it. It's all I can think about sometimes and it has robbed me of a normal life with my other diagnoses. I also experience DPDR with this, as I already have dissociation issues with C-PTSD and DID, so the existential OCD leads to dissociation a lot of the time.

[@marial3301]

@Shane Blackheart hi, how are you now? I got existential dread OCD after DPDR... Have you recovered?

[@marial3301]

@@genesisdesanfermin964 I'm sorry, I hope you'll recover very soon!

[@marial3301]

@@genesisdesanfermin964 same here, started with DPDR. And DPDR were caused by a mix of old traumas, stress, excess caffeine+ sugar etc. I've had DPDR twice before in my life and recovered by myself by living a normal life and changing some things. However this time it's more intense + developed this fear of death that I don't remember having before at least not to such extent

[@khouloudaithsain9215]

@@genesisdesanfermin964 hello , just wanted to ask how are you coping with this , i'm currently going through this

[@khouloudaithsain9215]

@@genesisdesanfermin964 I'm really scared right now , i dont know how to deal with these thoughts

[@findyourenergy5962]

I have the thought that life is meaningless, because we all going to die in the future and so life doesn't matter because everything that exist, will go away.. It makes me more sad then anxious.. I dont know what to do... This hits different then other ocd thoughts I had.

[@marial3301]

Hi, have you recovered from it?

[@findyourenergy5962]

@@marial3301 I'm not completely recovered from ocd, but I think acceptance is key in thoughts like these. In existential ocd in general, acceptance is key. And don't ruminate about the thoughts. When the thought comes, try to go out don't search for arguments. Let it stay there... that helped me a lot. And I can deal with it a lot better know.

[@marial3301]

@@findyourenergy5962 I hope we both recover fast. Hopefully existential ocd is just like any other OCD and you can just go back to normal

[@onlyabdelix]

Yea I've had that too and then I realise I'm just exhibiting something called an all or nothing cognitive distortion I still fall victim from it time to time and man is it such a lonely place to be in I just want it all to stop I want my life back I want to pass my degree etc I can't live like this it's been a year and that's too long it's mental anguish for me and unfortunately it's hard to find a therapist in the UK that specialises in ocd

[@user-ml1di5ll1z]

@@findyourenergy5962I'm going through the same now ,my mind keep trying to convince me that there's no point to life I hate this

[@eldadelo]

OCD since age 7. Very severe most of the time. Various various types. As I approached age 40 started suffering from existential OCD and it is absolutely the worse type. Thank you for this video Dr. Shepard. Everything you described is exactly what I'm going through. The only videos I watch now days are about stuff like metaphysics, solipsism, astronomy and death. Feels like I desperately need answers to the big questions.

[@bizonc]

It’s terrible thing to not have answers to the big questions. I have a high need to know esp with the most important questions. Sick cosmic joke we will never get the answers and never have certainty of certain things. In college I thought I could figure it out if I read enough from the smartest greatest minds current and past in philosophy, theology and science. 😂what a fool I was. Still at an impasse and have zero faith with religion. Once that candle lit or burned out, no going back

[@freeviebee]

You can never get answers through rumination. Because all of this is not 100% certain. So what helps is to look at the root-fear. Is it your physical death? What emotions come up in your body if you FEEL this root-fear? It's the mind trying to distract the body from feeling emotions that feel threatening...issues of death, abandonment...it mostly comes down to existential threat. Once you can feel some of these emotions, the thoughts become less and less and eventually fade because you will signal your brain with acceptance of these feelings that there is no threat.

[@katl2929]

Thank you for this comment! I've been suffering with this for 3 monhs and only now found out what its called lol@@freeviebee

[@crystalvyces]

Oh wow. I think I legit have OCD. Oh man. It’s like someone finally understood what i can’t stop thinking over and over! I didn’t realize that depersonalization was also an OCD trait… oh wow. Umm how does one find a therapist? Psychiatrist?? Asking for a friend. 😂

[@chlover908]

This video is SO helpful thank you so much!! Do you by any chance practice in oregon?

[@DihelsonMendonca]

⚠️ I'm struggling with it for 8 years. It comes and go. In the end, you want to know why you are here, what's my purpose ? What's after death ? Why do anything if everything is meaningless and sad ? 😮😮😮

[@user-ri1jm7jw8n]

Get your treatment, just searching on KZbin won't help , it's a big mental illness

[@dhatingaddhingda1266]

I am suffering from existential OCD too.. But thankfully after suffering from it for 8 months I've finally found a Cure.

[@maktheweirdo]

What was it? I'm going through the same thing

[@gretaranzieri6858]

Can you share tje cure?

[@dringavlogs8120]

Dear Melissa I’m Dringa vlogs, I’m completely blind, autistic and have a chronic heart condition. I watched your anxiety video because I have that as well, matter of fact, today, I JUST posted a video about anxiety coping. I loved your notes about smell, sucking in smells I like, like catnip, woods, vanilla or eucalyptus, calms me down, but I like to have it in my face, sometimes I do so by applying it to the nose part of my mask. As for mindfulness, not really my cup of whiskey, neither is deep breathing, bot I love how descriptive your video is, being blind, I like that you described the product you were talking about.

[@MelissaShepardMD]

Thank you so much for watching and for the great comments. I love your ideas for different smells- I'll have to try them!

[@BB1990x]

“Is this me in a coma right now” - OH GOD, new OCD unlocked ugh

[@neptuneflower9156]

Ew or stuck in a dream thats a recent one for me ugh

[@lmaowhat9607]

hello everyone, am in the middle of the worst existential crisis and death anxiety of my life, has consumed me for over a month now and it feels like I cannot go back to normal with the “knowledge” I’ve acquired and the realisations I’ve had about life and death. I keep having this thought that every second that passed will in time be a memory that I will not be able to relive. Whenever I am experiencing something good all I think about is how when I look back on it when I’m old I will feel hopeless. Has anyone dealt with similar thoughts?

[@jess-jm9xk]

hi! I kinda relate to this, don't know why but it has been a spiraling thought and its been 8 yrs now for me

[@terminator04201989]

I been going through this for years and it's getting worse. I don't know what to do

[@DihelsonMendonca]

Me, 8 years on it. My life is destroyed by it.

[@chiselcheswick5673]

I have had it reoccurring on and off for 28 years. I remember the night it latched on to me at age 20 and ever since then I rarely have a day where I don't think about death etc. Even though the thought of my inevitable death sends me on to panic it also means I would never want to repeat this miserable existence. Catch 22. Good luck and keep fighting...

[@paradoxinmotion]

i definitely identify with this since i was a child

[@casey9658]

This is me 100%

[@JoshPalmer-kg6ow]

Alan Watts helped me let go of some of these meaningless questions. I'm happier for it now, being aware of Zen and Taoism.

[@sudaissial8351]

I am dealing with this

[@mrc.p8423]

I have this and Depersonalization and derealization for 3 years.

[@Matthew-zv8qe]

Same keep going strong

[@mrc.p8423]

@@Matthew-zv8qe have too.

[@marial3301]

Hi, how are you now? I also got it after DP/DR

[@marial3301]

@@Matthew-zv8qe hi, how are you now? Have you recovered from dp/dr and existential OCD?

[@mrc.p8423]

@@marial3301 still got it😪

[@oswaldocortes8881]

I have existencial OCD....WHAT CSN I DO? THE THOUGTS DONT GO AWAY

[@dolphin-studio]

The worst part about mental disease, is the fact that because of the infinite variables sometimes is alsomoat impossible to pin point what it is and can be confused with something else then ln top lf that findind an expert who has two of the most important criteria has experience with what you are dealing with and its the right one for you, the o ly way to know is to test whoch requires money which requires work, that you cant do because of said ilness. Its a spiral that many peope will nevwr recover from.

[@malint886]

The bad part in this is that im a medical student and i really have so many things to do and to study and i can’t do anything all my day is just about what if im going to hell or what if there’s is nothing after death.. what will i do when my family died and so many questions about what…😭💀💀💀 I feel like im losing the feeling of being safe inside ..

[@oswaldocortes8881]

Do i have t take medication gor existencial OCD?

[@tomsale5142]

OCD moves threw cycles

[@themadmattster9647]

I may have this

[@missionarydylan4299]

Hi. How can I book with you??

[@OllyAnder1]

I’m wondering the same.

[@moarlust8217]

😔

[@jessickalush3305]

In an ok head space? That's never😂

[@sqshq1337]

Nihilism destroyed my vision of life forever

[@Matthew-zv8qe]

It’s okay you will get through trust me

[@tha2kgod912]

Trust me it didn’t. I went through the same thing as you. Nihilism is a BELIEF & a perspective. It isn’t truth. A nihilist doesn’t know anything more about life & existence than a Christian does. Everything is a guess. This doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It may or may not be true. Embrace uncertainty & be set free from OCD.

[@sqshq1337]

@@tha2kgod912 Yeah that's what reassured me, that it is only a vision and not an actual fact. Because science has its limit and everything we don't is juste a guess. Thanks tha 2k god

[@ethanwoodhouse2434]

@@sqshq1337 how are you doing now

[@sqshq1337]

@@ethanwoodhouse2434 Hey ethan. To be honest I'm slowly getting out of my depression, doctor says I'll still have to be treated for 1 more yeah to be sure there is no relapse. Concerning the Nihilism, I think I just accepted it, but also one friend told me that science can't explain everything which is the same as religions, these are humankind types of knowledge. Since there is no proof that life is meaningless but we can't also prove that life has a meaning, you just try to aim for happiness which is the most important goal in life. Thank for asking, have a nice day!

[@devinevin222]

I am so afraid of death the fact I am going to die eventually that it makes me suicidal. I never want to not exist but the idea of forever is impossible and just as scary. I feel that to be alive and sentient is a curse of eternal suffering. I have never felt a fear or pain greater than this

[@StaticBlaster]

relax. it's like pre-birth. you won't feel, see, hear, taste, or smell anything.

[@EmpressLestat]

Or you could be experiencing a spiritual awakening...

[@Youtubeuser10873]

How do i know how do i differentiate?

[@EmpressLestat]

@@KZbinuser10873 Being interested in spirituality especially at this time, is what is suppossed to happen. Most of us who are on this path, consummed a lot of data and research to aid us in discovering what is true about our reality. For me, this presents challenges and comforts (like knowing this life is just one of many). The only way to understand why the world looks the way it does at this exact time, is to pursue knowledge of Spiritual Science. I would think it would be termed OCD, if your doing it at the expense of everything else or that creates constant ruminating thoughts (although i think about everything now thru a spiritual lens).

[@Elespectador94]

​​@@KZbinuser10873not that hard but if you had very strange experiences like the ones that you just simple cannot explain by any means. Yeah, that means that you are selected.

[@philmitchell909]

Its everyday. Body checking. Plus addiction. Please help me

[@RachelRosen69]

Me too.