Oliver's VSD surgery update: we're home! ❤️‍🩹

[@AmyBee4]

This is all fresh and new and you're still processing. You will heal as he heals. Today, it's all about the surgery. Tomorrow, it's 99% about the surgery and 1% about how cute he is when he smiles. And next week, it's 90% about the surgery and 10% about his poopy diapers. And by summer, it's 5% about his surgery, and 95% about him just being your healthy, happy baby.

[@lilyvalelearning4246]

soo perfectly captured!!

[@SeekerKC]

_Very_ well said.

[@amyh2888]

That's a great perspective.

[@emmap.7314]

Thank you for sharing that beautiful perspective!❤

[@abbeyball6890]

❤ I love this. That's a really great way to look at difficult things thank you for sharing ❤

[@armstrongcatherine]

I am a paediatric cardiologist in the UK And this was one of the most beautiful explanations of being a heart mummy I have ever heard. I have no doubt this post will help so many other parents

[@Skibbityboo0580]

A cardiologist (among many others) saved my mom's life, and I am so very, very, very, grateful that there are people like you, thank you so much for all the extremely hard work you put in your whole life to do what you do. Really, thank you so much!

[@serenity34now]

100 percent helped me feel validated when my son was going through this, thank you.

[@softblankets]

hearing “of course” from the surgeon when you asked to hug him… that is what makes a good doctor. wow

[@carolwentworth3709]

Fear can really mess with your head. Hope he heals quickly. You are a great mom. He is lucky to have you!!

[@plantyfan]

Yes. That's when I cried. ❤ I'm sure he needed it too; of all the patients he's going to work on, he had to be under so much personal pressure to give this baby a chance at a healthy life.

[@courtney2590]

My obgyn hugged me so hard when I found out I was pregnant again. It really means the world having a good doctor 🥹❤

[@sdcopelands]

My 19 year old daughter had open heart surgery for her ASD/VSD at 5 months old. It was on a Wednesday and we were discharged on Saturday. Your video brought back so many feelings! We even had a similar experience in the cafeteria! She has been a swimmer since she was 8 and has zero restrictions after surgery. You got this (and so does Oliver)! I actually went back to school after the whole experience and am now a NICU RN.

[@Shotsee]

As someone whose daughter is about to go through the same surgery, this comment warms my heart and gives me comfort. Thanks for sharing

[@sheHerTheyThem]

Mom of 6 who's sobbing watching your video. When my 3rd oldest 1st born son was 4,he experienced a fall from a 30ft cliff resulting in a brain surgery,I had to make the choice for that surgery knowing he could come out in a vegetative state,but knowing without it he would die..it was like the impossible decision back in 1994 as a single young mom. Now he's a dad of 4 daughters, a teacher in Texas impacting SOOOO many young children,with half the gray matter of most. Children ARE SO RESILIENT!!! blessings on your families health journey ❤❤❤

[@TheNoiseySpectator]

I don't understand why people consider that a hard decision. If you choose not to do the surgery or treatment, he will die. If you do, he will have problems, but he will live. The end. If he might die or he might live either way, that is a difficult decision. It may be a painful, serious decision and onerous, but not difficult to make.

[@promisedjubileedaniels]

Brain plasticity is MIRACULOUS. 😭😍😭😍😭

[@sheHerTheyThem]

@@promisedjubileedaniels it truly is🫶🏻 I can't believe it. He went from being right handed to left handed, his eyes are permanently slightly crossed even after corrective surgery, but he's adapted and wears glasses,I think he looks adorbs and it's makes him more approachable to kids because he's also hilarious and is a total game and comic kid at heart still 🫶🏻

[@sheHerTheyThem]

@@TheNoiseySpectator because the surgery was so complicated,at the hospital he was at,there was no time to transfer him to a better more advanced hospital, I had no time to research different surgeon or a better hospital for something that your 4year olds brain is literally vegetative state/death/meh/thriving wouldn't YOU want more than 15 minutes to decide what hospital,Dr,or anything else of your son's FOREVER is at stake🤔.. because I was pregnant at the time and it was incredibly stressful to know that whatever i did ,down to the wrong Dr, could forever change my sons life..and in 1994we didnt have cell phones,so no I could NOT google the Dr.

[@opinionatedone]

​@@TheNoiseySpectatorI'm thinking you haven't been in this situation. There is nuance and a plethora of factors and feelings when you're there. And everything is so intense, it's anything but simple.

[@WendyCzymoch]

Your body isn't done processing the chemicals from the first batch of emotions before another wave of big feelings hits. Give yourself some grace. Things will level out. You are a warrior.

[@rebeccabutterbaugh263]

Thank you for sharing ❤ I am a Perfusionist (person who runs the bypass machine during open heart surgeries). It’s not often I get to see or think about the effects of what I get to do everyday at work on those who we are operating on. I am so appreciative of you sharing your emotions and experience throughout this. I needed this reminder of why I do what I do. Sometimes I can get tunnel minded and often don’t remember the effect we are having. I love getting to help families like yours ❤ Hoping Oliver continues to get stronger every day!!

[@learningtomakelimeadeoutof9318]

Thank you so much for all you do for us heart patients! I’m 31 but had 2 open heart surgeries when I was 24 and 25 and will need more throughout my life. You are a blessing ♥️

[@lisam8105]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@micheleseenarine980]

Thank you for all you do! ❤

[@PrairieDawnC]

I didn't even know that was a specific occupation. Is a perfusionist trained as a nurse? Something else? Thanks for playing a special part of lifesaving surgery.

[@AngelaSmith_1970]

You’re amazing, thank you for caring for people who need the extra help 😎🙏🏽

[@abornphighter8774]

Else and Jonas, I was born I'm 1987. I was born healthy but started getting sick at 6 months old. Noone knew why. But when I was 4 years old, after a horrible few days, I was diagnosed with an ASVD and Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. I am now 37 years old. I lived a long life and now I'm being told I need a heart and lung transplant. Your little Oliver is what we in the PAH/PH community call a PHighter. Little babies are resilient. Your little man is no exception!!

[@maddiedoesntkno]

Woah why would you make them worry for their baby’s future like that? Like I know there’s a hopeful message attached, but that’s…. They’re already facing such a long recovery and so much uncertainty.

[@anio1349]

​​@@maddiedoesntknoI think the point was that Oliver won't be needing any transplants. And reassuring Elyse & Jonas that Oliver has a rosy future as a healthy little boy, thanks to their recent trauma (of Oliver's life-saving surgery).

[@Bernergirl2008]

Oliver’s VSD was caught fairly early and medical science has brought things like various heart surgeries miles forward in even relatively short decades. There is lots of hope for him ❤

[@lizhyink5636]

​​​@@maddiedoesntknoThis is a " YES, - AND" sort of acknowledgement. The difference is technology and medical advances, true. Outcomes may vary, and probably have improved for kids-these-days. Having surgery earlier saves lives while lessening damage over time, AND being a congenital heart patient * is a lifelong health factor to consider. ( I also was born with AVSD, atrioventricular septal defect, and my parents learned early, but the doctors said it was safer to wait till kids were bigger to do open heart surgery. It was patched in the 80's when I was 5. Dr.'s can now do surgery when a child is 5 *months old with more precision. That's huge. Even so, dental work, or any infections that reach the blood ARE a risk for congenital heart patients, and DO require care.) Being conscious of this is a reality. Making peace with it, just as any chronic illness, allowed me to manage it better and admit when habits might've needed changing as an adult. ( As a child, people said I was, " good as new"/ my heart was "bionic", but that overconfidence led to lots of mistakes, which could've been prevented with a more thorough understanding of what to be aware of.) ** Also, it would've been good to know earlier that neurodivergence and migraines are often co-occuring genetically/ and/ or due to circulation for people with these conditions, but now that I know, it feels less frustrating, just part of the package.

[@KristenDorscht]

I saw your Pumonary Hypertension binder . Our daugher was diagnosed at 5 months old and she is now 10 years old. If you ever have questions, I am happy to help. PH is really rare. From one cardiac mom to another you are doing an AMAZING job!

[@mikaelamiller4183]

From a pediatric cvicu nurse, you are doing amazing. Thank you for sharing when you didn’t have to and spreading awareness to CHD.

[@MarcoZamora]

Hey Elyse, my dad was a pediatric cardiologist. I grew up hearing all about babies with congenital heart defects. Something I really learned is that most of them are really well understood, VSD included, and if a doctor or nurse that knows their stuff tells you your baby is doing well, be sure that they are. I also raised five kids, and what you're feeling all over the place just means you're a good mom and a good human being. Your being worried means that everything will be taken care of, so you end up not having to worry. Huge, huge hugs. You're doing great, your family is doing great. I send you love from a dad that worried when it was time to do so.

[@bluejenn30]

Words cannot describe how thankful I am to you for this video, but I will try. When you said that you were "gaslighting yourself" I just broke down. I had open heart surgery at 50 for a double bypass. You explaining how you feel and the back and forth of your emotions was exactly what I have been going through. I have never heard anyone explain it like you did and didn't realize that this is what I was doing to myself. I haven't quite been able to forgive myself for al l the trauma I caused. I want you to know you are not alone. PTSD is real and manifests its self in really strange ways. You will get through this and so will I. Love to you and your family. Oliver is so lucky to have you.

[@mrspokitstheriot477]

You said the surgeon said 'of course' to the hug and Idk why I just started bawling. It took me right back to that moment for me when my babies had surgery. I'm so glad he's doing so well. Take care of you. It hit me so hard like 2wks later.

[@megs.9915]

My baby has never had surgery and I was bawling through this video too. Just so hard to live in a world where babies can have holes in their hearts, and so good to live in a world where those holes can be fixed

[@erikabastarache7647]

I've never gone through anything like this and also cried about the surgeon hug🥹❤️ powerful moment

[@tammymom24bugs]

As a mom of a child who was in a similar situation I totally relate with the feelings of up and down. My daughter had brain surgery for a tumor and all the feelings are so true You go back and forth and waiting during the surgery and after the surgery. You are so valid!!! She was almost 2. You are amazing doing so well! I remember her doctors saying you will remember more than they will and they bounce back so quick. It’s us that takes longer to bounce back. I was always waiting for the next shoe to fall! She is now 19 and has no recollection of anything but I can remember every single thing. Hugs mama. I know how you feel and know this new normal will be so good! Hugs and know you are doing amazinf

[@lmorgee5]

The emotional let down is enough to make you feel like you’re spinning in circles to make sense of what just happened. It’s a massive experience that takes its role on your body. Feel your feels. And let yourself know it’s alright to feel it all. The more you’re kind to your self, accepting it all, the quicker you’re going to balance out. I’m so proud of you. You’re just so good and kind and real.

[@sumgirl720]

Yes, yes, this! Just because you're in a better situation now doesn't mean you have fully processed everything you've been through. You've probably not processed it at all just trying to get through it!

[@marshalangelaar7260]

Sending love and prayers your way. Yep, it's a LOT of emotions. You're doing so great sharing and feeling them all. Big hugs to you and your beautiful family.

[@jennifertaylor40]

I'm so glad Oliver is doing well.

[@mcarter4421]

This is so well said ❤

[@ssavaart]

So happy to hear Oliver is going to be okay. Sending Big Hugs from the Hobbit Hole. ♥♥♥

[@tepiddairy]

❤❤

[@yazbee8736]

I love your art! Specially of women. ❤ glad you know and love Elyse too! 😊❤

[@tansy2279]

Scott?? Wasn't expecting to see you here, but i love seeing your empathy

[@jennywiswell]

Such wonderful news! Prayers continue for Oliver's uncomplicated healing!!! And for you guys to get the calm center of life back in your home, and nervous systems!❤

[@doloresbullock3398]

You were stressed over this for so long, your body needs a little time to adjust to being happy and relaxed. Once you get some good sleep, you will hopefully lose the sadness. I am so glad he is doing well.

[@stephaniestempinski7788]

Thank you for the update. I have a coworker who has a son who went through this almost 30 years ago, and her son is 30 and is in great health. He volunteers at a camp for cardiac kids every summer, and he loves knowing that a surgeon saved his life when he was so little. So grateful for Ollie!

[@mysoulcalledlife]

That must have been absolutely terrifying. It’s totally normal that your body is now needing to process all of that terror. Be kind to yourself regardless of the competing thoughts going on. You’re allowed to process whatever feelings are happening in your body without needing to explain them. I’m so happy Oliver is ok. Thank you for updating us.🫂💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@etighe5]

“And that is good, so why do I feel bad” really hit home for me. My son spent 32 days in the NICU. He’s been home for 6+ months now and I still have days where I cry about the times when he wasn’t okay.

[@opalelf1113]

My son had to have his entire colon removed. After weeks of being in an out of dr.’s offices and multiple hospital stays suddenly he was having surgery. It was on a Saturday and I arranged for friend to be there with us. The minute I walked into the waiting area and saw my friend, I completely collapsed in her arms. It was like finally I could let go of the emotions I was keeping locked up. What you have gone through is one of the hardest things you will ever experience. Be kind to yourself. Also consider counseling and find support groups for your son’s condition. Have a people that share your experience is priceless!!!!❤❤❤❤ My son was 18 when all this happened to him and today he’s 24.

[@hopeadler507]

I’ve had my entire colon removed too recrum included. I can’t imagine how scary it was to suddenly need that done!

[@Illustrat_E]

From a fellow mom of a CHD kid and former RN - it’s ok have ALL the feelings. It’s so SO normal to experience the emotional pendulum. Give yourself the grace to feel it all. You’ve got this! And glad to hear Oliver is on the mend!

[@moonsnakesheddingskin]

"The healing is hard." Pretty much sums it up. So glad to hear that he's doing well. Many hugs!

[@amandawalz4988]

I work in a Cardiac Surgery office and your reaction to this whole thing and the conflicting feeling is 100% natural and normal. You're never alone in something like this even though it feels like you are. And thank you for sharing this with all of us! I know this will help other parents in the future.

[@elyse_myers]

This is so kind 😭 thank you so much for your encouragement, it means the world to me!

[@MelissaSworab]

I'm 53 years old and my brother's 51 and he had surgery as an infant under 6 months of age and it has a huge scar on his upper abdomen lower chest. It was a major surgery and traumatizing. I'm sure for my mom and dad, but I'm here to tell you that neither one of us think about it for a second other than my brother had a cool scar and a cool story to show and tell when we were kids. Hugs to you and the family

[@kathryn583]

The floating feeling about living in the happy news for a minute is everything & the cashier was a beautiful soul. Thank goodness for people like that. & a surgeon who hugs you is just so spectacular. I’m weeping. (Mother-Baby RN here btw). Thank you for the sharing.

[@Bitsa75]

I just cried and cried and cried through this video. Mom of two boys- both healthy so far (19 and 9) and just being a mom… felt every second. Thank you for letting us in like this. So happy all went well. You’re such a wonderful human, Elyse.

[@ShelbeyPolkowski-yy5xu]

The flip flopping back and forth you’re explaining, I’ve never been able to put it into words. And it’s like WOW! Someone else has this brain too and we’re all gonna be okay because other people are functioning like me and they’re doing the damn thing too. Ugh I just love listening to your videos. Thank you. And so glad your family has moved into this next season of healing!

[@wonktootie]

What a gracious surgeon to let you hug him after everything went well. That probably made his day as much as it made yours. You've been through so much. I'm glad you're listening to how you're feeling and that everything turned out well. Remember to take it one day at a time and know that your family is so strong and beautiful!

[@AndrewMacKay-y6y]

Oh mama, my eldest had open heart for a BIG ASD in 2018 and I can understand EVERYTHING you are saying. He is now a CRAZY active, football playing, amazing 8 year old. What an adventure and a gift and a trial all in one, from one heart warrior mama to another, I can understand every emotion ❤

[@high62609]

These sweet people make hospital trials so much , not easy, but are a comfort.

[@TheNoiseySpectator]

Sure, the _sweet_ ones do. 😀 But, the callous, cold ones! You want them to die so they cannot hurt or neglect your child! If the medical staff are all the Good kind of people, then thank God. If they aren't, they have not just hurt the baby, but (less important) they have made the parent Hate them enough to kill them. A human Being being driven up to that level is an injury they don't recover from, no matter how small because they can always reach that level of Rage again. (Notice I spelled that "Hate" with a capital "H".) But again, if the child's is harmed or helped is most important.

[@high62609]

@@TheNoiseySpectator you're talking to someone who has medical ptsd from a stay that cause 3 extra surgeries and 2 broken bones. I had some awesome people as well but at two other hospitals.

[@ashleyragan9039]

My son had to be in the hospital for 3 weeks due to a serious and life threatening illness. At the time, I was 17 weeks pregnant with our second son. One thing I was not prepared for was the phase you are in which is the healing at home with meds. My brain kept telling me (at the hospital) that if I could just get him home, things would be good. But you do lose the sense of security that you had at the hospital bc you don’t have anyone telling you if you’re doing things right and if your child is continuing to heal. The medicine schedule and process was grueling for us. This happened almost 3 years ago and we are just getting to the point of feeling good and “clear” in the way we talk about our son’s illness. It is overwhelming. Just know, you are doing so good momma! You and your husband are exactly who Oliver needs on this journey. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings but just don’t live too long in the sadness. Praying for you ALL as you heal at home.

[@allieferington9546]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am a heart mama and I’ve felt all of these feelings a million times over and no one in my life understands. For the first time in almost 4 years I feel understood

[@Bernergirl2008]

Another cardiac mama here to say ❤❤❤

[@auntieree]

Not me crying, remembering handing my infant to an anesthesiologist for a surgery. As a heart patient, and the mother of twin boys who both had surgery at 6 weeks of age (not for heart) I felt every single little part of this. It is terrifying to know your baby is having any surgery, but his heart. Elyse, you're my hero. I am ever so grateful to hear of the success of Oliver's surgery.

[@WhitneyMente]

Thank you so, so much for sharing this with the world when you didn’t need to share or update. You don’t owe the world anything but you sure are leaving a beautiful mark on the world by sharing your vulnerability. I appreciate your honesty especially regarding your mixed feelings. It’s nice to hear people admitting the mix of emotions during a crisis, trauma, difficult time, rather than pretending and showing people what we think they want to hear. Praying for Oliver, August, you, and your husband for all around healing and strength and release. You’re doing an amazing job as advocates and parents❤

[@Just-wiggling-thru-life]

If I could “love” your comment a million times I would ❤❤. Such a beautiful way to say thank you for the update despite “us” not being owed anything while also acknowledging her rawness and just genuineness is why we love her and her family both so much! We should all live JUST to leave a beautiful mark on the world. ❤Much love from another “unique random internet” stranger who wishes to pass on some love.

[@TheThriftyWoodworker]

It’s not a surprise to those of us who have been watching you for years, but you are a great mom. ❤

[@mooglily]

Mama all of these feelings make complete sense. I hope you’re giving yourself as much compassion as possible throughout all of this. I’m so happy to hear that Oliver is ok, but this transition is still so emotionally hard. It makes sense that the feelings are insanely complicated & intense. ❣️ hoping for continued good health for you & your family. 💐

[@lizswirniuk7315]

No, THIS was beautiful and so real and so appreciated. Thank you for sharing and validating the “ands” of life - scary AND beautiful.

[@turpinrachael]

Our grandson had the same surgery and it’s an absolute emotional wreck. The text saying he was on bypass was a moment we will never forget. The fear, joy and invasive thoughts are so hard on your body. Prayers to all of you for continued healing.

[@shelbygrey970]

You are SO allowed to be scared, anxious, sad, fearful...and happy. This was and IS traumatizing. I am so happy Oliver is home, I'm so happy you're all together, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to still process ALL of the emotions. You are SO strong, and amazing and a FANTASTIC mommy. ❤❤ sending so much love and all of the prayers ❤

[@laurenwest8659]

So happy that Oliver is ok. I’ve had 3 open heart surgeries one when I was 2, another at 3 and one at 22. Plus 4 other heart surgeries. I’m turning 40 this year. Oliver was in good hands. But I’ve seen the babies all hooked up to a bunch of IVs and tubes attached to them. It’s a lot! Thank you for sharing your story!

[@kimberlykelley4835]

I just want to thank you for explaining anxiety in such a clear way. I understood every word and thought you shared. Your description of feelings was perfect. As a mom, a person with anxiety, and a patient… not heart… these words about gaslighting yourself touched my soul. You really do got this!!!!!

[@rachelbork5763]

As a fellow heart mom, thank you for this video! My daughter had her open heart surgery 2 years ago and I have never heard a more accurate explanation of the emotions that happened that day better than you just laid out. The conflicting emotions/expectations are debilitating and even harder because you have to just keep going for your kids. Thank you for sharing this and know that there is an army of heart moms out here who hear you, support you, and completely understand what you are saying.

[@profshroom]

My anxiety and PTSD are giving you a hug. This is a blessing and I pray for healing for ALL of you.

[@courtbrowne9210]

As a mom and a doctor I’m sending a big hug. It’s so helpful for others to see what it is like to go through this and normalize your emotions, you are a great mom.

[@PRETTINGTON]

I think your self-perceived lack of eloquence communicates well the confusing fluctuation of emotions and feelings of overwhelm. I think talking through and around your experience while trying to find the right words in itself may express what you’ve been through more fully than the perfectly crafted speech could. I don’t have kids so I can only imagine what you’re going through, but saying you were gaslighting yourself perfectly captured the way I’ve felt while loved ones were hospitalized. Your self awareness is A++. So glad Oliver’s surgery was a success. Keeping your family in my thoughts. ❤

[@madiantin]

I was doing fine until the surgeon was not only ok with the hug but didn't let go until you did. That's amazing right there. Made me cry. Love to you all.

[@shelbybreazeale2699]

Thinking of you! I went through this as a single mama at age 19. Your feelings are completely valid and it’s great to go through all the emotions. It helps you heal a lot better! 💕 Prayers of healing and health for you all! Children’s Omaha Cardiology is amazing; their entire team is phenomenal!

[@greenacresbloom]

Your explanation of what is going on with your son could not have been more beautiful. Your raw humanity and the depth of your love shine through and that is stunningly beautiful.

[@ComesATime01]

One heart mom to another you nailed it. All the emotions are so very complicated that I wasn't able to put into words or comprehend what was happening and you validated everything I've felt. Thank you for that.

[@Beginnerreadsthebible]

I think you became a viral vlogger so Oliver would get like, a million prayers up to heaven ❤ SO GLAD he is OK ❤

[@KathrynTartamella]

Thank you for sharing this! My daughter has a VSD and will be having OHS Friday to patch the hole. Lots of huge feelings and emotions over here. 💝

[@lseegs]

I just have to say, it’s so refreshing to hear the good and the bad and all of your emotions you felt. It makes the rest of us feel so seen compared to most content creators who make everything seem “so perfect” all the time.

[@debvw9740]

You are healing too mama. All good thoughts and healing vibes being sent your way!

[@Everywave_Sandra]

I am so glad the surgery went well. Heal up little Oliver 💕

[@nellagroen2039]

Thank you so much for the update. I am sending your family all the best wishes! I just wish I could give you a hug. You are a wonderful mother.

[@MistyLong-h1p]

There is no easy way to explain the anxiety, fear, happiness, joy, worry, thoughts racing about the future, being present for the healing… Yeah, it’s a roller coaster. I’m very happy for you and your beautiful family! 💕

[@MeyerLHS]

I’m a heart mom, my guy was 6 weeks old when he had his COA repaired. Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s not easy.

[@kathrous98]

I am an open-heart surgery baby and it was hard for me to watch this video. I can't even imagine how you are feeling. I think that you are still sad because you are processing everything but also because it is extremely hard to see your little baby on a hospital bed with wires and plug and medical tape all over. When i look at my baby hospital pictures i am so sad for my mom who stayed by me the whole time. You are not alone and everything you are feeling is normal and okay. ❤️ I am sending so many healing vibes ❤️

[@yesjess2734]

I absolutely get the feeling of not being sure how to feel. My daughter had a craniotomy at 10 yrs old for a brain tumor. It was the most horrible and best experience of my life. I've never felt more helpless and thankful at the same time. She's 13 and driving us crazy now with her teenage antics. It gets better.

[@Amanda-rr4su]

My daughter had her first OHS at 2 weeks old, she had her second OHS at 2.5 yrs old. The first surgery she was hospitalized for 36 days. For the second surgery she was in and out in like 4 days and her first 10 minutes home she laid on her belly rolling around on her freshly closed sternum trying to get a goldfish that fell under the couch. 😳 I was screaming inside but she was acting like it was a normal Tuesday. 😅 It’s insane how resilient these kids are. ❤ it is for sure an emotional rollercoaster for us parents, stay strong Mama! ❤

[@dianev6180]

Just proves the best videos are near & dear to your heart. Beautifully said momma bear, Oliver is thriving under your parenting, no doubt!

[@keric3673]

I was born with a disability & 38 years later I still think surgeons give the best hugs

[@ToriBissell]

"We just gotta sort the pressures out." That phrase feels both literal and figurative. It's been a lot and it's okay for it to take you time to process it and feel it all. Hang in there!

[@robinbliss6513]

Your feelings are a natural trauma response. It will get better, your body is just responding to your brain’s survival instincts going off on turbo mode and it will take some time to settle down and be normal again. If you’re having trouble returning to normal after a couple of months, you should seek help for ptsd. No joke. Catch it in the earliest stages before it becomes your baseline and it’s easier to undo. Your family has been through a crisis, and the crisis is not completely over yet. Be patient with yourself and with Jonah. You can do this. I’m so proud of you!

[@ElenaBowman-di9hl]

So glad to hear. Hoping that you all get some rest.

[@nicolepennington2013]

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate you being so transparent. I'm lifting up your family in prayer.

[@laurenschlebach6571]

Thank you for your openess and vulnerability and for making the important things in your family that should be private, private. I respect the heck out of you and always love your updates.

[@ripleydemmer3964]

You are amazing, beautiful, smart! I’m so sorry your other platforms backfired! Don’t take it to heart! I was on tik tok and you built my self esteem, and helped me cope with things I was not prepared for, Elyse, you helped me. And if you helped me, I can only imagine how much you helped others! Don’t listen to anyone who’s trash talking you! You are a wonderful mother! A fantastic person! And very human! I love you! Sending you healing and loving vibes!! You are going to have so many core memories with your son!! 🥰🥰 He has a f***ing awesome mom! You are amazing!!

[@jodiegerling5524]

Give yourself space to grieve what all just happened, space to adjust to the newness of it all. Talk to someone trained in trauma. I waited so long after our daughter's open heart surgeries that I didn't realize I had PTSD from it. It's ok to both have abstract grief that this is his story and what just happened with also having gratitude that he's doing well. It is complete whiplash in the beginning. And that's ok. One day at a time. ❤

[@Fluteperson01]

He was so proud of you, the doctor! He knew he needed to be there in that moment

[@babercookie1]

Thank you so much for sharing! Our son was in a motorcycle accident on December and had brain surgery. He is a walking miracle and when you said , you just got used to him being sick and now he’s better and you weren’t sure what to do with that. I have been in my own head and depressed and couldn’t figure out why and you saying that flipped a switch for me. Thank you so much for sharing!! And God bless you all and complete helping for baby Oliver!

[@tepiddairy]

Praying for you and yours ❤

[@yeahyeahd]

I'll never forget something that the surgeon who did my dad's kidney transplant said-- you may not have been cut open yourself, but the family goes through a different type of trauma, especially during long surgeries or serious hospital stays. Take the moments for a break or a walk or a coffee when you need them. Don't let them pile up until you're under so much weight that you can't breathe. It's okay to need those moments, to take that deep breath and think about something else for a second or two. So glad the surgery went well!!

[@HumdrumCurio]

I learned a long time ago that you can be really happy and really sad at the same time. It sounds like you are grieving the loss of the life you thought you were going to have with your baby but also immensely grateful and happy that you still have a future that includes him in it. Sprinkle some anxiety on top and you’ve got a rollercoaster of emotions. Take care of yourself my friend ❤ healing is hard

[@kelweinhold9875]

I respect you and your decision to protect your peace. I have subscribed here.

[@kaymarie346]

Praise God for the wonderful doctors and nurses who treated him and for a successful surgery! Praying for your family in recovery! ❤️🙏🏼

[@sarahlagan2926]

Love how honest and raw you are. Thank you for being who you are and talking about the hard things so others can resonate and not feel alone either! You are amazing!

[@sagerobyn]

Parenthood forces us to hold two opposing emotions in the same breath. Both are true. Both are valid. Wisdom is giving them both equal space. You are relieved/grateful/ecstatic that his surgery went well and truly devastated that he had to have open heart surgery. Thank you for posting this and being vulnerable showing us both truths.

[@monicag.1527]

So beautifully put 💙 praise God, my child has not had any medical issues, but have felt the two opposing emotions in the same breath many times. Especially during the newborn phase.

[@tjmonet5182]

It's called burnout. You're going to need support and you are loved. Get some rest, lots of rest. Hang in there Mama.

[@kaitlynkidman1821]

I was born with Tricuspid Atresia and one think that I have learned is that trauma never makes sense. I’m 27 and I’m so blessed to be alive. But I struggle with guilt constantly. I have had all those things go through my head and I haven’t had open heart surgery in 16 years. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[@mickeymouze3381]

You just went thru a very traumatic thing. Your feelings are so valid

[@NurseAllison]

Thank you so much for sharing. Crying happy tears for you guys. I was a preemie, it’s illuminating thinking of how my mom dealt with my 3 mo in the NICU. You’ve helped me to appreciate her even more!

[@MeganLeeds-w8i]

I identify with every moment of your video- I experienced it all 20 years ago with my own son. You will be forever grateful and forever worried- you just learn to put those worries away in the back of your brain so you can function. Life is good and he will will thrive (and so will you!).

[@JesseRuscin-so6fv]

Oh my gosh - “It’s good but it’s bad and I feel bad even though it is good” - hit home. It is self gaslighting. “Like it is fine” but it is absolutely not fine. Man, I haven’t had anyone else say that out loud. So thank you. Our 2 year old had a massive seizure that last 1 hour and 8 mins. She too was in ICU. She recovered and it could of been worse “good” but she seized for an hour “bad” she will recover with no issues “good” but 3 days in ICU on life support “bad” - It is like we need to be thankful that things are getting better, healing and not worse, but it is horrific that it had to even happen in the first place. We have to feel both and it is crazy. Give yourself a lot of grace. This is not the final destination just a stop along the way.

[@rachelfree4120]

Bless your mama heart! ❤ It is SO hard and scary, but you’re doing it, and he’s doing it, and it will get easier.

[@bryonyvaughn2427]

I'm so grateful for your update. I'm glad Oliver is doing so well AND I'm glad you shared your journey through the constant ups and downs. Explaining how you're experiencing it helps people to know how to show up for and be with you in more helpful ways. It also helps people understand how to show up and be for others more realistically and compassionately when their loved ones, coworkers, and acquaintances are going through similar. You have no idea how much good you are doing for the world with this video. Thank you, Elise, and I wish all the bet for you and yours.

[@cwoitas26]

Thank you - No one ever felt me more safe than the Cardiac surgeon we had for our son's VSD repair. When he did the pre-op appointment it was calm and peaceful. Also, I brought a puzzle and went into a bubble and didn't emote which enraged my husband for not caring about our baby in surgery. I barely finished the boarder of the 1000 piece puzzle before they called me over. You are right...there is nothing you can do to alter the goings on in the room so why stress yourself to the point of tears or panic.

[@daniellecarrier5056]

Oh Elyse! Your brain has been bombarded by so much new information that is going to take a while to process and work through. You are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained and the progress with processing it all will come gradually as you get used to life with this new normal. I hope that you and Jonas are getting rest and giving yourselves ALL OF THE GRACE! I am sending you both a giant internet hug and looking forward to when you are able to experience the joy and peace that this ordeal is going to bring in the future. 💙

[@catiadomingues2964]

This video has really hit home and I understand the emotions you are feeling. My son was diagnosed with a large VSD at 8 weeks old, he had open heart surgery at 5 months to repair the hole. It was the most traumatic experience of my life and I’ll never forget it. We are now almost 3 months post operation and he is doing well, I’m so thankful but it doesn’t stop me from constantly worrying and feeling anxious all the time. Sending you prayers and strength, you’ve got this! ❤

[@CW-rt4sr]

Yes yes yes. You're so good at holding the nuance. Thank you. My husband and I spent 9 weeks in the NICU with our oldest. We brought her home on a difficult medication system (caffeine twice daily), a heart monitor, an NG feeding tube, and oxygen. I was trying to explain to a friend this soup of happy to be home, scared for the future of this child, grief of our experiences so far, etc. I said, I thought when we got out of the hospital it would be easier. She said, you thought you were running a marathon. Leaving the hospital completed the marathon. Then you were handed a bicycle you didn't know how to ride and told that the finish line is 100 miles away, when you thought you were done with the marathon. Of course you're tired.

[@natashamcglynn1995]

First of all, I'm so happy to hear he is out of the woods and doing well. As a pediatric home care nurse, I recommend looking into home Care nursing if you have not already. It can be really overwhelming and you have another child to think about as well. Having somebody there to keep the medical aspect on schedule, somebody to sit awake in the room at night to make sure he is okay and monitor his vitals, ECT can relieve a lot of stress and pressure. Also just remember it is your home and your child so if you get assigned a nurse that you're not comfortable with you can just call the agency and say no thank you and they'll try to send you another one. You guys are going to do great and he is so lucky to have you.

[@tepiddairy]

Good idea! Commenting so algorithm bumps it to the top!

[@alimakowski6942]

Finally watched this after avoiding this video. My daughter had open heart surgery at 2 weeks old for VSD, ASD, and aortic coarctation and I am terrified of reliving that experience. But I am so glad I watched. "Every hour was the best and worst hour of my life" is so exactly how it felt. Thank you for sharing your experience. It helps hearing the complicated, and often disagreeing, emotions from someone else who has lived it. My daughter is now a very healthy 2.5 year old! I'm so glad Oliver is doing well!!

[@OneMillionSpenders]

Thank God. I'm so proud of you for processing this, even publicly. We are here with and for you. Oliver has many, many internet aunties. Love your little family 💓

[@iamsomefamousperson]

AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT COFFEE!! That is totally what my coffee everyday is for!

[@susanfenwick734]

you have explained everything beautifully already. I'm so grateful also for Oliver's amazing surgery and care. He's a lucky baby to have such wonderful parents who are able to provide him with what he needs. I can imagine it's been unbelievably scary and that would account for so many ups and downs once the 'problem' is fixed. Sending you and your family a huge hug, from a Mom and Grandmother in Canada

[@colleenshields3401]

So happy to hear he is recovering well❤🎉🎉 please join a parent support group for children with VSD. Your feelings are completely normal! Hugs❤

[@eileengoeslean-vsg7808]

PLEASE give yourself some grace. You gave birth only 5 months ago and have been dealing with all of the VSD. My son, now 41 years old was also born with VSD. He did not ever need surgery, his closed on its own when he was in his 20s. I remember so vividly when the pediatrician came into the hospital room as I was preparing to be discharged and started talking about a murmur most likely VSD - a hole in his heart! I became so distressed, that my OB arranged for me to stay with my baby. And they were talking about EKG (I didn’t know what that was) and that brought me to sobs. You’re shifting from joyful gratitude and the realization of the gravity of the situation. I think you are an absolute warrior queen. Sending all the positive energy to you. You’ve (and Oliver). Have got this!! ❤

[@Desirae383]

Verbal processing is SO beneficial 🫂 The duality of feelings and emotions FEELS weird and yet is so normal. Continued prayers for your sweet family.

[@Bernergirl2008]

I can’t reach through the screen to give you a hug, and no emoji is good enough. So much of your story took me back to my son’s first heart surgery. (He’s had 2/3, and the first was the longest and riskiest.) I kind of can’t imagine getting updates every hour. I guess some people probably find that helpful? I don’t know if I would have wanted them. They weren’t offered to us, and we didn’t ask. My husband was with our older two when I went to get coffee after our son was taken to the OR. I didn’t have your husband’s experience of breaking down talking about the surgery because I wouldn’t let myself say it out loud. Part of me wanted to, but I knew that breaking down is exactly what would happen and I didn’t have anyone I knew right there, so it just wasn’t going to happen. It was undoubtedly the longest, most stressful six hours of our lives. He’s so good now, and it was so stressful and uncertain then, and both of those things are true. Don’t beat yourself up too much about the conflicting emotions. They’re so, so normal. Wishing all the best for your family and especially for Oliver ❤

[@angeladial8325]

You are brave and beautiful. There isn’t ever gonna be a ‘back’ to normal just a continuation of life and the whole ride just moves forward. The best news is that you are already showing amazing skill at the twists and turns. Things will level out and the whole community you’ve been blessed with is cheering all three of you on!

[@radioheadfanlove]

We love you, beautiful mama! Praying for continued healing in ALL areas sweet babe! You are amazing ❤❤❤❤

[@alciraproenza-collazo]

I'm in tears. And I get it. 100%. My husband had OPS (quad) at 65 and all the feels w/Oliver are the same. "Survivor's guilt"....omgosh I didn't have those words. I needed those words. 😭😭😭😭 Personally, I don't think a f/u video is needed. This was perfect. It was enough. It was everything!!! Stay blessed ❤🙏🙏🙏