Olivia Colman reads a novelist's (rather funny) complaint letter to a funeral parlour

In 2009, shortly after the death of her father, celebrated novelist Lydia Davis wrote a letter of complaint to a funeral parlour.
Olivia Colman joined us at Letters Live at the Royal Albert Hall in London in November 2023 to read it.
Copyright: Lydia Davis to a Funeral parlour, from: The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis, © Lydia Davis, 2009

[@moonman555]

Olivia Coleman could read the phone book and I would happily sit and listen for hours! I'm not trying to detract from the letter, which was fantastic.

[@ariochiv]

She does just exude "nice person" waves. Even just the way she said hello and waved to the audience.

[@Dave_Sisson]

They still have phone books where you are from? I don't think they've been available in my country for about 20 years.

[@CatsJP]

@@Dave_SissonWe here done under in the “convict colony” still have them but then we are at the bottom of the pile 😂😂🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@moonman555]

@@Dave_Sisson Good for you and where you are from.

[@anastasiabeaverhausen8220]

That is just what I was about to say! But I was going to add that she, with her brilliance and nuance could make even the phone book funny.

[@KW-ro5ow]

Cremains sounds like a word to describe my cooking.

[@andreagriffiths3512]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@CatsJP]

Then you’ll know “charred” is a posh word for “burnt”…😂😂🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@KW-ro5ow]

@@CatsJP 🤣🤣🤣

[@marthaelenariveragarcia5752]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@dpej5167]

While working in a funeral home, I was once asked by a related business -- florist or some such -- If in fact we referred to cremated remains as "cremains". I don't know where they had heard the term, but they wanted to check if it was a term used in the industry. Yes, I replied, it was a term we used but only internally. It was never meant to be a term used with a family. It was never used disparagingly, but was rather a shorthand within the funeral industry. We always let the family lead in terms of the degree of respect they needed. Most often we referred to "ashes", and very rarely cremated remains. My boss would have been horrified if any of the directors and other staff had said "cremains" in front of a family.

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

So good to know!

[@kungfutzu3779]

sounds like a breakfast cereal

[@jonathanlewis453]

I’m glad, I think, that your boss would have been horrified rather than mortified.

[@BeesWaxMinder]

@@jonathanlewis453😂👍

[@kungfutzu3779]

@@jonathanlewis453 you're dead right

[@JukeboxGothic]

My lovely mother was a funeral director for 49 years. She hated terms like cremains and would never have let it be used in her company. She arranged her own funeral. No service, just to be taken and cremated and her ashes returned to me. The simplest receptacle available as well. I will scatter her and my dad on the headland where they walked when courting.

[@NadineWilliamsNadege]

🙏💙 during the holiday season. Your plans sound lovely. My father is in a lake. Visiting and swimming memories wash over me, like the water hitting the shore

[@mademoiselledusfonctionell1609]

❤

[@KevinTheTimeGeek86]

I lost my dad recently and rather unexpectedly, and he was cremated. I've never heard the term "cremains" before, I hope I never will again. Except in this particular context where someone is taking the piss out of it. This video gave me some much-needed levity in light of the recent loss. Thank you to Letters Live and Olivia Colman for making this sudden dark period in my life a little brighter.

[@WouldntULikeToKnow.]

I'm sorry for your loss. Good thoughts to out to you. 🌻

[@KevinTheTimeGeek86]

@@WouldntULikeToKnow. Thanks. I appreciate it.

[@FullMoonHowl]

The term bothered me too when I lost my dad. This does help to hear. (And I'm sorry for your loss.)

[@KevinTheTimeGeek86]

@@FullMoonHowl Thanks. I think what makes it easier for me is moving house to live with my brother and his family, especially when I get to spend more time with my young nephew. :)

[@MythicFox]

I'm very sorry for your loss. And if it helps you feel better, it's not a word that's supposed to be used in front of the public, especially the families of the deceased. It's supposed to be an internal industry thing and someone screwed up by saying it in front of the letter-writer's family.

[@Emilaria]

Cremains is a fairly normal word used in the industry, but shouldn't be said to the loved ones of the deceased.

[@NotMyName888]

Totally... Lidia is not wrong... But still humorous

[@user-kf6lu4dn2r]

As a Care Aide some decades ago, I was there when a lady passed away. When the family was there, the new doctor walked in and started calling her "The Corpse" and totally ignoring how it upset her family. Not 1 word of sympathy, not 1 hint of kindness, just very coldly "How have you decided to dispose of the corpse" and "The corpse must be removed immediately" and "Stop being so emotional, it's JUST a corpse!". . I finally yelled at him "Stop being sucha jackass to the family! She's not "the corpse" She's Name! Her name is Name, call her name!" then the charge nurse came in and dragged him out. I dunno what she said to the HR department, but I did NOT get written up and he did get fired.

[@pollyfoofoo8703]

Ah, Olivia. A breath of fresh air, as always. Love her.

[@Abidon88]

Olivia seems like a fantastic person, she radiates goodness!

[@ariochiv]

Yes, the waves of decency wash over me.

[@CatsJP]

Watch her Letters Live …Reply to the Zaporozian Cossacks she reads with Ade Edmondson…she’s brilliant

[@thomasdalton1508]

I dread to think how she would have felt to know that the machine used to grind down the cremains into a form suitable for scattering is called a "cremulator".

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

There are a whole slew of things we really don't wish to know about the whole process of preparing the dead.

[@Thats_Mr_Random_Person_to_you]

​@chocolatefrenzieya agree. But its also kinda of a problem that society as a whole is so squeamish. It means real and profound discussions about how we as a species and a society approach both end-of-life care and post death choices and other things like organ donation etc.. just dont happen, or only by a small minority etc. The overall social squeemish-ness on the post death processes is just another symptom of that.

[@CatsJP]

@@chocolatefrenzieyaThis is the problem nowadays people don’t want to know or discuss dying…it is something you won’t come out of alive anyway.

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

@@CatsJP Well, it's unpleasant on many levels. It takes a high level of maturity and probably experience to come to peace with it. Once you reach THAT point, the processes are hard to stomach when it comes to a loved one.

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

@@Thats_Mr_Random_Person_to_you I'm definitely pro-organ donation. Use every bit of me you can! Never understood people against it. I think it's just difficult to imagine, in detail, the actual ugliness of cremation or embalming being done on granny.

[@iamneophyte]

Always happy for a new letter read by Olivia Colman!

[@alexnelson7258]

I have had 3 fairly close family members who were cremated and I am pleased that this this the first time I have ever heard this word, and I hope it's the last time I ever do.

[@helenl3193]

Same! 90% of the funerals I have been to have been cremations and this is my first time hearing it. It seems so... tacky and dehumanising considering the context

[@ariochiv]

Yes... someone trying to be catchy and clever in a situation that most definitely does not call for it.

[@DonoVideoProductions]

I've unfortunately heard it several times. It's a lazy, jargonistic term.

[@CatsJP]

The word goes back to 1600s and comes from the Latin word “cremare “…..meaning…to burn…consume by fire…🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@CatsJP]

@@ariochivNot the case..it is actually a word going back to the 1600s it’s comes from the Latin “cremare” to burn or consume with fire…as I’ve commented

[@ginacrusco234]

The letter-writer is brilliant and Olivia Coleman is a genius.

[@ghw7192]

Both of my parents were cremated and their cremains are in beautiful turned walnut urns awaiting family members arrival so we can spread them. My mother, especially, would have loved that word and thought it funny! Well read, Olivia!

[@Foxweed]

Cremains are what's left after you eat a bag of craisins.

[@ellenbsmiley]

Wonderful reading! I have my own rant about "cremains", and it's lovely to hear it put so much more elegantly than I do.

[@adelaferreira4575]

Anything that comes out of Olivia’s mouth sounds wonderful,love her !

[@judeangione3732]

She should be in the next generation of Dames, alone with Brenda Blethyn, Imelda Staunton and Nicola Walker.

[@kaylaireland3494]

Sarah Lancashire and Suranne Jones too

[@alexbravo7683]

I found the mumping along speech last week and I couldn't stop listening to it, and now this!

[@angiebolton-cox1490]

I have always used cremains, didn’t realise it was strange ❤

[@courtneyclements4629]

Same here. It's not a word I've ever given a second thought to, and I imagine I've used it or heard it used in reference to all 3 of my close relatives who gave passed and were cremated.

[@monikatrenkler6147]

What a night this has been! Worth every penny for the trip from Vienna to London 😊😊

[@ritajean15]

I will be using this word every time I talk about my death plans, because I am an English professor and love how language is used and changed.

[@CatsJP]

Glad…I have a degree too including linguistics and dabble in psychology…I love a good euphemism, slang or saying and there origins, and phobias, …like…Thanatophobia…fear of dying…🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@comealongcomealong4480]

@ritajean15 Do you happen to know whether the American funeral industry led the way with this portmanteau term - cremains? Digital connectivity seems to increasingly hybridise and commodify our words and language.

[@ritajean15]

@@comealongcomealong4480 probably not, it’s probably because someone heard it wrong and then it spread. Much like labtop instead of laptop.

[@kitkakitteh]

Maybe because I’ve worked in medicine and organ donation, the word has no negative connotations to me. It’s just a way to differentiate between an intact corpse or ashes. One you can legally scatter or keep in your living room; one you cannot.

[@tanha4623]

Dear Olivia. God bless you

[@renakhtw]

She is the best

[@samfowler2073]

*Checks Dictionary:* Cremains: the ashes that remain after a dead body has been cremated (= burned). It seems to be a perfectly cromulent word

[@user-hx4ki8uv7n]

Hmmmmmm, while appreciating the neat brevity of the word on a technical basis, i find i agree that 'the cremains' while referring to a recently dead loved one sounds harsh and insensitive.

[@alexnelson7258]

It is perfectly cromulent, but in me it enbiggens a sense of insensitivity

[@sirmarisa]

Maybe its a portmanteau, cremated+remains = cremains Edit: indeed it is a portmanteau, I didnt get to the end before commenting

[@Tilion462]

While certainly cromulent, I feel 'Cremains' is likely to pericombobulate a few people. I'd certainly be anaspeptic upon hearing it referring to my loved ones.

[@user-hx4ki8uv7n]

i hope the funeral director's reply was frasmotic!@@Tilion462

[@CatsJP]

If people don’t like the term” cremains”….then you won’t like the term “Underground Furniture”…this is what the funeral director said to my father and myself when he flung a pair of French doors open with coffins on display some even on types of shelves in a room when we went to pick out my mother’s coffin…he said “Welcome to the Underground Furniture”..my father looked at me..I looked at him..we were taken aback…then started laughing…on the way home we both agreed we could see the funny side and it did gives us a laugh to ease the grief..it’s all in the perception on how you see things..🇦🇺🇦🇺

[@griffinharvey3910]

That just cracked me up! Best belly laugh I've had in awhile! 😀

[@jq8974]

It took me a few minutes to realize what the word meant. Reading other comments, I understand the word is meant to be behind the scenes in the industry, which makes much more sense. Thank you for your thoughtful comments. And thank goodness for Olivia - what a gem!

[@davidhall8049]

She’s just a lovely lady thank you 👏🏾👏🏾

[@sophelet]

I agree COMPLETELY. "Cremains" sounds like an unnecessary shortening perhaps only to be used when the undertaker writes quick notes about the family's wishes. It makes my skin crawl. And, as a church musician in an Episcopal church, I cringe when anyone uses it in that context. Ugh. The author of the letter was extremely careful to avoid scolding; in fact, what she wrote was more instructive and more generous. Good for her. Well read, Olivia Colman.

[@CatsJP]

It’s Latin for “cremare” I gather you and a million others have no idea of the origins of words or where linguistics come from.

[@ps3udologue]

@@CatsJP cremains is a portmanteau of cremate & remains, it has nothing to do etymology of 'to cremate'/cremare wtf

[@CatsJP]

⁠@@ps3udologueI have a degree in linguistics that covers everything from semantics, phonetics context and Latin…I would be happy to enlighten you on my comment about the use of the Latin term…it goes back to 1600 years borrowed from the Latin Cremare or (nominative Crematio)…and cremation goes back 17,000 years..the first discovery was here in Australia…the Mungo Lady…I have a Dual degree which includes marketing and the psychology in marketing from QUT in Brisbane so I’m happy if you care to take up my offer..but anyone who loves the sound of turning pages or any sound usually has misophonia and that is a kinesthetic outlet for release.

[@secretforreddit]

@@CatsJP We all understand where the term "cremate" comes from. it is simply the informality of the portmanteau of "cremated" and "remains" to which many object. Just because it comes from Latin doesn't mean it's suddenly formal or appropriate. As a fellow linguist and as a Classical archaeologist who has dealt with the cremated remains of many different cultures, I ask you to please stop being such a pompous jerk.

[@amadeusendymion1272]

@@CatsJP Well then, it would have been nice if you'd taking the time to tell us what the likely noun for the results of a cremation would be (is?) Latin is remarkably economical about using roots.

[@haywardgarner4850]

Well said. Well read.❤

[@dizmix]

Thank you Lydia... 👌🏼

[@sopdox]

I’m going to keep asking. Letters Live, please come back to NYC. We miss you.

[@cherrypichick6782]

They ARE coming back May 6, 2024 but ALL Tix are sold out. Anyone want to sneak in with me? 🤔

[@createone100]

So good!

[@Dnn411]

Love, love, love Olivia Colman.

[@Engineer_Who]

Yeah, no one wants to send their recently passed loved ones to the funeral home that markets themselves as "quirky." If you've ever thought about employing the slogan "We put the 'fun' in funerals!" you are in the wrong business. Please stop.

[@karenburrows9184]

Brilliant. Just brilliant. Wish I'd said it.

[@CatsJP]

But that’s were you are wrong..funerals today are regarded as celebrations of life and many people love a good funeral that is happy not sad and mournful…they even have living wakes so they can join in before they die…get over it..your not going to know because… no one has survived dying.

[@MythicFox]

In this case, 'cremains' isn't meant to be quirky. It's an industry term that's actually not meant to be used in front of the public, especially the families of the deceased.

[@idreamtiwasbackatmanderley414]

@@CatsJPwhen quite young, I went to the funeral of an elderly Russian man, refugee in France from the revolution. The service in the orthodox church was amazing, so much incense, so many icons...Then all his surviving friends were sharing good memories of the deceased and drinking shots of vodka. It got joyous very fast!

[@janekinnane5884]

Brilliant performance, she could make the phone book entertaining

[@no-oneman.4140]

Marvellous.

[@4sstg]

I first saw the word when the undertaker sent the letter saying the cremains were ready for burial. My beloved sister was now cremains. Very difficult to take in.

[@chocolatefrenzieya]

I've never liked this word, either. I'm glad someone could complain so eloquently. :D

[@LilyGrace95]

Maybe my family just has a dark humour, but 2 of my 3 grandparents who've died in my life were cremated, as was my great uncle (and I think my great aunt a couple of weeks ago?). And to be honest, "cremains" sounds like exactly the kind of thing my family would say 😅 We cope with a lot of things through humour, death being one of them, and while I understand why some may be upset by it, that word just sounds so ridiculous to me that I find it hard to take it seriously, bringing much needed levity to an otherwise horrific situation.....

[@r8chlletters]

I wonder why ashes fell out of favor? It’s a short term and historically used.

[@youngandobrien]

It’s also inaccurate because because they’re not ashes. Everything but bone completely burns off and what’s left is the skeleton, which is processed into a powder.

[@brendalarue4690]

I enjoyed the beautifully written letter, Olivia's flawless delivery, and that it's on YT for all the funeral directors on God's green earth to see. Words. Matter.

[@briancox9357]

This is rapidly becoming one of my favourite YT channels. And 'cremains' is a horrible word.

[@olafbigandglad]

They told me, Francis Hinsley, they told me you were hung With red protruding eye-balls and black protruding tongue; I wept as I remembered how often you and I Had laughed about Los Angeles and now ’tis here you’ll lie; Here pickled in formaldehyde and painted like a whore, Shrimp-pink incorruptible, not lost nor gone before. -Evelyn Waugh, The Loved One

[@lobstermash]

Thank you. And it was Waugh's "The Loved One" that made the use of the expression "your loved one" sound ridiculous and hilarious in my family circle. You could just use the person's name. In hospital we would say "Mr Smith is comfortable", not "Your loved one is comfortable". It's mawkish and perhaps a tad presumptuous.

[@johnhagen31]

The word "cremains" (and also "corpsicle" for cryogenically frozen bodies) has been used in science fiction literature since the 1960s and possibly earlier. To me it's almost not even a surprise to hear it.

[@TheBearAspirin]

From the 1993 film starring Sir Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thomas: "The cRemains of the Day".

[@waynekempton7160]

Yes, I watch shows simply because Olivia Coleman is in them.

[@cisium1184]

Buried my Dad two months ago. I don't think the funeral home used the term "cremains" with us. The priest did, however, on the phone when I was talking to him about the internment - or as I called it, the "planting."

[@myladycasagrande863]

Regardless of how one feels about the word, cremains are the reason one should never use a spoon from a funeral parlor's kitchen - no way to know whose ashes it's been in! (Spoons are a handy way to divide up ashes if multiple family members want portions of them.)

[@youngandobrien]

You know, this goes into the center of my Venn diagram of “things I wish I didn’t know” and “things I’m glad I know”

[@hallson3437]

I am so glad she said portmanteau I was going to 😂

[@janetpendlebury6808]

I have never heard of the word cremains before, but I like it. We cremated our beloved dogs ourselves after they died, and you are not just left with ashes, but also bone fragments etc, so cremains is a very accurate description. I would like it to be used more than the word ashes.

[@jmackmcneill]

The thing is, awful as "cremains" is, there seems to be a small but EXTREMELY energetic faction of people militantly opposed to the use of the term "ashes" to refer to cremated remains.

[@SuprousOxide]

What's awful about it?

[@jmackmcneill]

​@@SuprousOxideDid you not watch the video? Do you just troll the comment sections looking unambiguous statements to post stupid questions after?

[@SuprousOxide]

Just because she dislikes the term doesn't mean it's offensive. So what's awful about it?

[@mikelove6502]

Another modern yet totally unnecessary car smash of two existing words....

[@maiNmusica]

I personally think the word is hilarious! Now I hope they use it when I die because I LOVE IT!

[@JRO44]

Cremation remains do not have any ASHES in them. It's pulverized bone fragments and dust.

[@rosieHolliday5887]

I agree with Lydia

[@loraineriddell7157]

Well I never 😲. I've not heard that word before and would be mortified if someone I knew was referred to as "cremanes". Or is it "cremains"?

[@thomasdalton1508]

The second one - cremated remains.

[@maryphelps7381]

Language always has been an Important & Playful Tool Throughout Civilization. Learning & Understanding sadly doesn't reach Schools Curriculums it seems.

[@cherrypichick6782]

"Ashes to Ashes, Cremains to Cremains" just doesn't have the same poetic ring. 😝

[@SaffronSphinx]

When my dad died and they said cremains, I was like... did they seriously make a cute word over this?

[@MythicFox]

To be fair, it's not meant to be cute, it's meant to be an internal term that's not supposed to be used in front of the families of the deceased.

[@janetpendlebury6808]

@@MythicFox Why not? It is an accurate description, more so than ashes, I love the word cremains.

[@hallson3437]

Noone laughed at "where he might be" it made the "complicated relationship" even funnier

[@amandahunter4034]

I like the word. It says exactly what it is - cremated remains of a person or pet. I'd have no objection to an undertaker using it when speaking with me. There is no point in pretending death hasn't happened by dressing it up in pretty language. Death is a normal part of life.

[@kirkhunter146]

It isn't cremated remains that remain. What remains of remains is bone. Skeleton is what remains of remains. These remains are crushed by a machine into small pieces.

[@markgrissom6107]

I personally love this word and would quite like my family and friends to refer to me as „cremains“ when I am cremated and become ashes.

[@maryc.dalton1284]

I always thought that “cremains” was an ugly and impersonal word. Why do funeral directors use it? It’s almost arrogant, is if they’re putting the emphasis on themselves and their job. As mentioned here, “ashes” is easy to say, and has a comforting sound.

[@MythicFox]

They're not supposed to use it in front of the public, it's meant to be an internal industry term.

[@Nushka23]

@@MythicFoxperhaps then it shouldn’t be used at all.

[@eilidh771]

Olivia obviously knew the rule book for advancing your career in acting and comedy.Spouts all the right views on cue.

[@d_richter]

When I first heard the word, I thought it the funniest thing! But I'm also the same person that told her son "Don't write anything mushy on my urn, unless its 'Frijoles!'" As that was the mushiest thing I could think of at the time. And I DO realize Frijoles Refritos, or Refried Beans, is more correct. It was just funny at the then and still is!

[@christoffellner84]

If only....Olivia Coleman could read Letters of Maria Theresa of Austria. And the Answers of her daughters by Erin Doherty

[@rbkskillz]

I would never use that word to the family of the deceased but it seems like a reasonable industry jargon to me. Maybe the representative was new?

[@ZolaClyde]

Maybe, but after reading that letter, I doubt he’d do it again. The letter was nice to him until “cremanes,” it was direct and a bit sarcastic but not mean.

[@MythicFox]

Either the representative was new or was just tired and had a brain slip of their own. Or both.

[@paillette2010]

It’s fairly common in the US. I learned training showjumpers: pick your battles. Then there’s the children buried in rubble in Gaza. So there’s that. Tone deaf.

[@ashleyclinton3485]

This letter was very worth reading but nevertheless a difficult one to properly display the humor as well as personality of the writer. Only Olivia Colman could pull it off so well!

[@mattyt1961]

The Cremains Of The Day is either a remake of the classic film, or what you get at a really disturbing Diner

[@davidfulton179]

I first heard the highly objectionable "cremains" after the death of a beloved cat. A tech at the veterinarian used it on the phone and instantly disliked the word and the speaker at the same time. That's what happens, I'm afraid. I hold the user responsible for the weapon of destruction even if they did not invent them. The sheepish complicity is what bothers me. It's as though they are saying "well of course they will approve of my using this term! My using it is all the validation it requires!" My problem is primarily is that term does not solve a problem. No one was offended by ashes. This is clearly and obviously the product of one of those retreats that people in certain profitable but unsteady businesses - in this case, the funeral business - attended in the 1970s. Some vulgar undertaker got traction with a seminar on "More effective ways of Upselling to the Bereaved" and no doubt the sub-topic of language make an appearance, as it alway does in these scenarios. Never deal with the real problems, just change the vocabulary involved! Say "person" instead of "woman" and misogyny will end. Call it PTSD instead of shellshock and we will have world peace! I think "cremains" came into English around the time "craisins" did. At least that is an example of useful economy scaled to the occasion.

[@Ater_Draco]

Cremains predates craisins by 30 to 40 years

[@chrisninety1]

Did you know that a funeral parlour will never just hand you the cremains of a love one - you have to urn them first.

[@kimsherlock8969]

Very humorous for some outside of proper British expression of death. A refusal to see ashes are the dust of life Ashes to Ashes dust to dust .?

[@marytesta3003]

I didn't think about it at all. But ashes might be better. Hmm.

[@hannahk1306]

Personally, I prefer the word "cremains" to "ashes" which just feels like something you discard as the remains of a fire or from a cigarette butt. However, I'd have thought that the safest term to use with grieving friends and family is "your [insert relationship]" or quite simply their name.

[@jldisme]

LOL

[@sladeevans1242]

I mean would they prefer ash residue or desiccated, charred bone fragments? Dust? I think cremains is rather poetic and respectful when used as a noun.

[@kimberlywescott1489]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@DigitalDistortion]

😂😂😂

[@censusgary]

I agree wholeheartedly. “Cremains” is an abominable word. Say “ashes,” and if that’s not specific enough, say “burnt humans.”

[@puirYorick]

What was wrong with saying ashes that led to the fabrication of the term cremains?

[@AtomicShrimp]

Apparently some sort of 'ummmm... acktually it's not technically _ashes_' thing (because bereavement is just the *perfect* place for pedantry to pop up! /s)

[@gerardacronin334]

Why is it okay for a funeral director to use the term “loved one”? In some cases, the deceased is anything but loved. It’s dangerous to make assumptions.

[@rackpunch3872]

There are alternatives to 'cremains', what about 'credaver' for instance?

[@AlexAnder-lg7si]

I first heard this word over 40 years ago, but maybe I hang around weird people.

[@seanwebb605]

How would you like to collect your crushed bone fragments?

[@risk5riskmks93]

People are really trying to make the whole process “fun.” I don’t care to play this whole game anyway, so I won’t be attending the laugh-filled funeral. Sooner or later, in some capacity, there does have to be grieving.

[@MythicFox]

It's not meant to be "fun," it's not meant to be used in front of the public at all, but sometimes people screw up.

[@mch12311969]

This year, next month in fact, marks ten years since I lost my wife who was cremated, I have never had an issue with the word "cremains", the mortuary was the first place that I became aware of the word. It didn't bother me then and it doesn't bother me now, honestly, I remember thinking that it was interesting that the word was invented.

[@TonyP_Yes-its-Me]

I too hate the word "cremains", but I do understand why the use came into being. People in certain professions, often use made up words for unpleasant things, that the general public would dislike. I work in a hospital, and we use words in public, that disguise the true nature of the subject. Subjects, that the public would find upsetting or distasteful. I won't tell you the words we use in these situations, but I will tell you that a patients relatives are often called "Rellies". As in, "Can you talk to Mr Smiths rellies, about his treatment".

[@buckygormley7741]

I really have no issue with it. It's shortening up and blends nicely. You're telling me cremated remains is far superior to cremains?

[@worldadventuretravel]

I've thought the word, "cremains" is cringe AF from the first time I heard it. IDK why we have to euphemize everything, "ashes" is perfectly fine. After all, "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" is commonly known to be how we all go out. Why gloss over it?

[@MrsBrit1]

I don't see the issue with the word, honestly. It doesn't bother me. It just means "cremated remains." Maybe it's not right for everyone, but it wouldn't bother me.

[@patdarish6777]

Oddly, the first time this word was heard by me, I found it odd and just simply WRONG. If so many folks have this reaction, I’d suggest the funeral business folks pay attention. We are already suffering profoundly with the loss and having a loved one reduced to a “word” such as this adds to the suffering. Listen up, keep this word in the back room. Funeral directors , you have chosen this career, don’t allow it to become so routine and mundane that your abilities to tend compassionately to sad and bewildered folks has too become impaired.

[@lindagates9150]

I have heard the term used by archaeologists I fear the authors education is lacking 😮😂 I enjoyed listening to the letter 👋🏻🧝🏼🤚🏻🌟🌺🍀👍👍👍💝🤓💝🖖🖖🖖🍀🌺🌟

[@Alsatiagent]

Nothing personal, Ms. Gates, but it is not the constraints of the authors education that is being broadcast. Or posted. I think you are way off here. Have a decent day.

[@lindagates9150]

@@Alsatiagent the authors spoke of her father having objections to the word sorry my comment doesn’t meet the generally accepted standards I am of the opinion my sense of humour wasn’t adequately addressed in my comment. I could have done a BeaverDam N.B. Ca.Amsterdam NL Rollingdam N.B. Ca.and Rotterdam N.L.better job. 😱🆗 sorry for the lack of proper punctuation I have a form of Dyslexia that makes punctuation and spelling difficult 😞 but my tablet give’s spelling advice.🖖🍀👍

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Listen again to the letter: her father was an English literature professor and she also makes her living from words. Possonly, she's a writer or teacher.

[@factsoverfiction7826]

Listen again to the letter: her father was an English literature professor and she also makes her living from words. Possonly, she's a writer or teacher.

[@Alsatiagent]

Understood. With all sincerity and no hate, I must ask what was the joke in your comment? I have an aversion to emoji's but I see they are a tool for you and took a second look. It's the reference to archaeologists that threw me off. Were you going for sarcasm? @@lindagates9150

[@nicolad8822]

I’ve only ever heard Americans use this “word”. I don’t know why they can’t say someone has died rather than passed either.

[@CallumMcPherson]

I like portmanteaus and sometimes invent ones of my own for fun, but as someone whose dad and dog were both cremated, I think using a portmanteau to refer to the ashes of a loved one is beyond disrespectful. Portmanteaus have an air of playful irreverence to them which is completely inappropriate in this context.

[@Lmay1787]

Cremains is a normal word. Maybe there is a better term, maybe not. Like using body vs corpse. I prefer cremains over ashes. Sometimes there are words that need to be used to define things better. This makes me think of how words start out as sterile and medical and scientific and some people take offense so then we cannot use those terms. For instance, mental retardation was a perfectly normal phrase. Your mental capacity being delayed...i.e. retarded. Then people took offense and now we cannot use those words. But even the terminology currently used will be considered outdated in a few years.

[@r8chlletters]

This is a “handle” used in the industry between professionals not to be uttered to grieving family. People are not a gimmick like a cronut. It disrespects the honor we give the departed and the grief of family to use gimmicky terms of convenience to name what was recently a living person they love and miss. Ashes is short, historical, accurate and inoffensive. We don’t refer to a newborn baby as a “fleshie” for a reason. We don’t need catch phrases for the most primal events in our existence. We already have language that is ancient and honorable.

[@dorothywillis1]

I hate these words that suddenly pop up and everyone assures me that they have been around for centuries! "Cremains" "Gifted" and a lot of others.

[@Ater_Draco]

Cremains hardly just popped up. It's first recorded use was approximately 80 years ago, and was likely to be in use before that time. Gifted in relation to intellect has been used for 120 years approx. The use of to gift as a verb was first recorded in the 1700s

[@dorothywillis1]

@@Ater_Draco Just because someone happened to use a word in the past does not make it part of current vocabulary. For instance, in the 1500s the word "let" meant to stop something. But if we used it that way today no one would understand it. I don't like the way words become suddenly trendy that have been dormant for centuries. We have perfectly good words for the act of giving. How about "gave," "given," and so on? Yet suddenly we are inundated by "gifted," which until recently meant unusually talented. And by the way, why are you so intent on defending such words? Do you just enjoy an argument?

[@Ater_Draco]

@@dorothywillis1 TLDR: boomer whining to avoid admitting she was incorrect

[@dorothywillis1]

@@Ater_Draco LOL I'm too old to be a boomer!

[@harbourdogNL]

It's great writing. And they're ashes, not 'cremains. And it's a coffin, not a 'casket'. And the person is dead, not 'passed'. Stupid euphemisms for people terrified of reality.

[@tracytaylor5115]

“Coffin” and “casket” are both legitimate terms. A coffin has 8 sides and is wide at the shoulders and narrow at the feet. Think of old western movies. A casket has 4 sides and the lid often opens in two sections. It is frequently made of expensive materials, is highly polished and resembles a piece of furniture.

[@juliadoherty83]

Why the audience kept laughing, I don't know. I'm a young widow and if somebody had used that word to describe my late husband, they'd have been told to leave. With immediate effect, before they were able to cause more upset. Not funny. Not in the slightest.