Don't get provoked into negative reactions !!! They want you to snap !!!
@SurvivingNarcissism3 жыл бұрын
So true. Dr. C
@antonyka-pra-ra3 жыл бұрын
They want any reaction, sad or glad It gets really amusing when they dial up the game when the reactive expressions stop
@whitethunder90833 жыл бұрын
100
@dmrenterprizes41013 жыл бұрын
Damned straight. It was years before I got that. But finally learning to go calm. That really works.
@netrade38983 жыл бұрын
My ex-roommate initially got negative reactions from me. However, once I figured the puzzle out, it calmed me down, I was able to give an eviction notice, and stopped reacting. In essence, the rug was pulled out from under him. Put surveillance cameras in my apartment that he didn't see coming. He moved out literally in less than 24 hours like the coward he is.
@hisgraceislove113 жыл бұрын
Going no contact was the kindest thing I ever did for myself. 💖As long as you are in the presence of a narcissist , you are being poisoned.
@tatianagmy3863 жыл бұрын
TRUE!!!
@susanbissell63193 жыл бұрын
I did the same thing NO CONTACT with my soon-to-be ex. Best thing I ever did.
@jennyanderson47963 жыл бұрын
My kids were exposed... & their dad would never turn off his verbal abuse & frantically looking for escape routes ...cops came arrests ×2 ... I recall being once or twice mesmerized albeit confused to what made this guy tick ... & later learning the military style straits put on him ,he didn't know how to be free & would laugh when I spoke truthfully it was so foreign to him not to present self fraudulently .. I paid dearly for not listening to earlier warnings
@cherylverdon30773 жыл бұрын
I did the same. I sleep better now. Everything in my day is better. And I am better to those I love around me. When you look after yourself, you also look after others who matter. Spread the kindness. And leave the agitators to themselves. They'll find other listeners.
@csmoothsk8ter173 жыл бұрын
Me too but still working on finding the motivation to take better care of myself. Among other things...
@MusclesNOTtattoos Жыл бұрын
Narcissists pretend to be nice all of a sudden and get you feeling sorry for them again so they can start the cycle from scratch.
@ChocolatSunshine3 жыл бұрын
“I will not filter my self esteem through a troubled soul.” This is life changing. Thank you!
@Leafygreen1233 жыл бұрын
Agreed! I wrote that quote down and intend to memorize it!
@lauuura3 жыл бұрын
Wow! That one quote hit me hard. 🥲
@Bailey_G3 жыл бұрын
Same here...stopped me in my tracks...saved it so I won't forget it!
@KourtKourt9303 жыл бұрын
Dr.Carter, what would I do without you? You validate me and help me so much! Thank you!
@anthonybrown74893 жыл бұрын
click the profile image at the side they wont let me post my link BLOCKING silencing real shown
@krisztina4423 жыл бұрын
So, as the saying goes, the game is over when I stop playing it... Mindgames are just a huge waste of time and energy.
@colinesquire24803 жыл бұрын
💯
@carolnahigian95183 жыл бұрын
yes/-my cousin the Windy type had her own agenda and USED ME 50 Years😂and i am done.. i like my CHOSEN FAMILY
@carolnahigian95183 жыл бұрын
you cannot win-- i know, my sibling LOVED to invite me to restaurants just to humiliate me in front of a server, he lsughed Extra if i cried,, what a CAD,
@chelceasurgenor5983 жыл бұрын
Amen sister!
@RevGary3 жыл бұрын
Yet WOMEN just love the drama and love the head games.
@kristinwilliams88273 жыл бұрын
For years I would cry and crumble around my Narcissistic sister. Then a healthy friend suggested when you’re visiting her “ Don’t enter the game. Don’t pass the ball.” That worked when she started to rage at me after I had traveled 4,000 miles to see her first grandchild. Now I realize it is too much work for me to be around this venomous sister ever again. I’ve taken her abuse for 70 years! I have a choice!
@DJH97 Жыл бұрын
I have a sister like that. Mean. Cruel. Cold. Hateful. Beat on me my whole life. Yea. I don’t give her much thought anymore after 55 years of her abuse.
@cynthiahurlburt2819 Жыл бұрын
I did the same. No contact after 70 years. It is sweeter on the otherside of narcissism. So happy your are happy.❤😊
@shannonstoney15 ай бұрын
same
@heatherwhittaker61695 ай бұрын
Same here...
@Ann-eb8dp14 күн бұрын
😊😊I have a sister like that She supported my violent ex when l left him Went to court for him and said he should have custody of my children I don't bother with her
@mh4502 Жыл бұрын
Dr C called these people "con artist's" Wow, that's a very good description of them with all their deceitful and manipulative treatment. Thank you Doc.
@christophertaylor31503 жыл бұрын
"I dont need to get them to see things my way." This is my biggest mistake. I forget that they are con artists. That summarizes the dynamic. This is extremely helpful.
@SurvivingNarcissism3 жыл бұрын
Thanks, Chris. So pleased it resonated. Dr. C
@LG-kx8xl3 жыл бұрын
Agreed. The upset starts w/them, but the loss of peace starts w/the one who tries to convince them of seeing things another way because they only believe themselves.
@jessybeeckman3753 жыл бұрын
Its pretty hard to remain calm and collected when provoked, im still working on that, especially after his love bombing i forget sometimes that im dealing with a master manipulator...videos like these are so helpful and encouraging...
@gardenjoy52233 жыл бұрын
@Gemma Dann Stick to the truth in court. My narcissistic brother tried to steal everything from our mother, after our father died. My sister and I had to take him to court. He portrayed himself as the beneficial hero in helping my mother. We stuck to the ugly truth: the spider holding her in his net and sucking the life right out of her. He gave plenty of nonsense and we always stuck to the truth. We did ask family members to back us up on that, where ever that was possible. And we took photo's of the truth, like him not opening important mail (we found a giant stash of unopened envelopes) and him not doing the gardening (the grass was 1 feet long, with weeds in it, which the photo kindly showed).
@susansheldon27073 жыл бұрын
@Gemma Dann Do your best to collect evidence that backs you up. Secretly tape-recording private one-on-one conversations is legal, so do so over a period of time. Then you'll have some "proof" to show in court.
@Sheerkat73 жыл бұрын
They prey on vulnerable people who have usually gone through a traumatic event. They catch you at a weak point in your life. They don't go after people who are strong and well adjusted. Two of Mine latched onto me when I had deaths of loved ones and another when I was trying to escape a toxic marriage.
@desertangelfish1402 жыл бұрын
My ex slipped in at the beginning of Covid and I'd just been laid off from a new job. My neighbor narcissist slipped in after my ugly break up.
@kre85043 ай бұрын
Ya, it’s like they can smell it on you, & then they insert their toxic poison into you, like a snake bite, while everyone (sources of supply) remain clueless. Is there anyone in the room, that will stand up for us, where did all our supposed friends go, in the midst of the smear campaign?
@kre85043 ай бұрын
Be careful, they seem to be all around us. Get rid of one, 2 or 3 of them come into your life, to add to your troubles.
@Joe-br4ww3 ай бұрын
Why do they do this though, what's the objective for them?
@hollybiblemnlАй бұрын
this is so true, i just realized this
@brewberry38943 жыл бұрын
So true. With a narcissist your mistakes are intolerable but you will be expected to tolerate endless abuse and invalidation.
@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo8693 жыл бұрын
Just be prepared for their rage to set in. Your confusing them by not reacting. Makes them feel like they are loosing control over you. Do not break no contact guys. You can do it.
@RideAcrossTheRiver3 жыл бұрын
The one I was with came after me, though. :^(
@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo8693 жыл бұрын
@@RideAcrossTheRiver I'm so sorry! Were you able to secure a restraining order?
@RideAcrossTheRiver3 жыл бұрын
@@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo869 Police laid charges and put a peace bond on her. I felt like a shit having to call police, and I still do, but she scared my neighbors. Every day I feel remorse that I had to do that
@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo8693 жыл бұрын
@@RideAcrossTheRiver you obviously had no choice. Are you still in contact?
@RideAcrossTheRiver3 жыл бұрын
@@ringostarrs3rdwifeyxoxo869 Had not seen her in a year and had not talked to her in 6 months. Then she turned up
@juliesmithson57262 жыл бұрын
When they have so many criticisms, you wonder why they would want to be with you at all.
@hanichay11632 ай бұрын
Exactly!!! Why would I want to inflict my repulsive self on them? Why why why? Why would they want any reminder of me at all?
@hanichay11632 ай бұрын
Exactly. And if I am now convinced by them I am such a monster, why would I want inflict myself on them in anyway?
@vcatc24373 жыл бұрын
I've come to the conclusion that the other person is not stable and cannot grow up. I completely ignore their hateful wrath and snarky remarks, even when threatened. It's not healthy for me to do otherwise.
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
Veronica,You look stunning 🌹🌷 dear
@bagels30503 жыл бұрын
i’m convinced people get themselves in trouble by thinking everyone is good. everyone is not good..i also believe people get in trouble by not paying attention to signs, they make excuses for the person they are interested in. this person may be rich, attractive, well connected, etc. i like to let people show me who they are, and i act according. it’s always this tug of war with how i FEEL vs How i THINK.. when i concentrate on how someone makes me feel, i’m usually right.. when i think about a person, i’m usually justifying the bad behavior with i didn’t see or hear what i saw..
@thehotcoffeehouse60813 жыл бұрын
Bagels...yes...it reminds me of how i used to buy shoes....id find a pair i liked, based mostly on looks..try on in my size....then id stride to the mirror, see how they looked. If they looked awesome on me, & felt pretty good, i went for it. But i rarely remembered to check out they REALLY felt on my feet...esp my right foot with slight bunyon on big toe, my shorter left foot with odd bump on arch.... I just figured, none of that mattered, and rushed home with them...or removed tags from mail order, etc. Then, when the euphoria of the buy died down a bit, inevitably i discovered they didnt really fit me all that well. My toe actually rubbed agsinst the side uncomfortably ; or my arch was actually going to push up in a hurty way no matter what sock i tried; etc. U see, i just wanted to love them so much, i had overlooked all that.. Nowadays, i really take the time to figure out if these shoes REALLY feel good on my feet, before i buy them. I pay way, way more attention to the feel I know the analogy can only go so far between shoes and people, and btw this is reality for me, im not making it up as some metaphor..sadly, lol, yeah ive had to donate lotsa lotsa shoes lately. So anyway, i agree with what u are saying...we WANT to like the person, and we end up ignoring red flags out the gate, which we should not do...not saying make a snap negative judgment. Just do not ignore or rationalize away red flags or behavior that really kinda bothers u.
@Vezmus13373 жыл бұрын
Judge people based on what they DO and nothing else!
@thehotcoffeehouse60813 жыл бұрын
@@Vezmus1337 my shoes dont do much for me lately, tbh
@bagels30503 жыл бұрын
@@Vezmus1337 but people don’t judge other people like that do they. People use other things to judge people on like popularity, beauty, money, associates, can this person help me get ahead and so on. For some people superficiality, is the ticket to get in the door. I agree we should judge people by what they do, but people don’t always do that. People tend to have their own motivations when choosing to deal with narcissistic people. The people who have narcissistic family members and coworkers and bosses can’t walk away like that, i get that. Being aware when dating and interacting with people can be an eye opener, if you pay attention to their behavior and what they say, you can be put on notice. I also notice narcissistic people have a certain energy around them, I didn’t pay attention to it before. I definitely allow myself to feel how the other person interacts with me, it tells me everything that i need to know.
@bagels30503 жыл бұрын
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Agreed💕
@Vezmus13373 жыл бұрын
Let go of the urge to change or control the narcissist. The narcissist is a broken person that you cannot fix. Control yourself instead and let that be enough. When they cannot take away your self control, it is GAME OVER! 😉✌
@surferdude44873 жыл бұрын
The same is true of addicts. Yu cannot help them or fix them.
@mellymellongisland3 жыл бұрын
I told my "friend" he was a narcissist. He didn't appreciate that. The more I watch these videos, the more I understand, even though he doesn't fit all the criteria. He asked if I view him as less than a whole person. Of course I said no, but I was like, "Duh, of course".
@julief6343 жыл бұрын
No, they just get worse. I need to stand up to them, and let them walk on eggshells around me for once. I slay the narc bully! They will never respect your boundaries and the consequence s to that is video taping it and making it go public. Shame them!!!
@suzesinger67623 жыл бұрын
@@julief634 .. HA - YEAH giiiIRL ! XX make them walk on egg shell around you ..for once. ;))
@MariaCeaMIca3 жыл бұрын
@@mellymellongisland , I don’t think it’s even worth pointing out to my ex narc that he is a narcissist. They have little to no self-reflective capacity. And I think he believes that being a narc is as benign as having brown hair. He’s probably been told about his narcissistic behaviors in the past. He hasn’t changed. They are not a problem for him. They are problematic/abusive to others.
@angelanicholson9513 жыл бұрын
Discernment? Calmness? Not getting drawn in? Carrying on with your own life as normal - not being affected? Not being afraid? Not making yourself available? Not being easy-going? Being true to yourself? Not giving them an inch? Being the adult? Being uninterested? The list goes on.
@cheryldellamano33743 жыл бұрын
Easier said than done
@survivedandthriving3 жыл бұрын
@@cheryldellamano3374 Very true. But, I am finding that the more I practise, the more skilled I am getting at it. Sometimes, I still get it wrong but for me it is worth the effort.
@wifferstess28243 жыл бұрын
@@cheryldellamano3374 Definitely. I might sound like I have the answers but I still struggle sometimes.
@vancehoshizaki67663 жыл бұрын
@@survivedandthriving I do agree. It takes time and effort to develop skills such as calm confidence when dealing with toxic people. Remember, these people have developed their skills over years, perhaps decades. For you to engage with them, and to a minimal degree, without your previous emotional imbalance, will take practice. Keep in mind that you are looking to live in a healthy manner.
@anthonybrown74893 жыл бұрын
@@vancehoshizaki6766 Why do people become toxic ..Couldnt/Could it possibly be through people more often than not wronging us/Manipulation snakes gaslighting Mixed up labels by vindictive snakey HYPOCRITICAL types ... Over and over as to why dont really like socializing much anymore and receive the label of being toxic simply because refuse to be a doormat for it any longer ... Real Human /people dont set out and plan to cause harm or ruin other people its not a trait of decent people that . Some do have it spun completely the opposite way , and are very convincing . That it is they who are the sweet and rosey nice moral good while doing so .. Might make someone Resentful of others /TOXIC .. not as willing to play in their EVil games ... We are not all like that contrary to some fake humans views that all are
@joeo72573 жыл бұрын
I love it! What I have found that works is calmly say, " No, I'm not going to do that." "No, I don't see it that way." No, that is not appropriate." "NO" is a good way to stop a conversation from going the wrong way.
@lorihoop38312 жыл бұрын
I'm speaking up and out now, and of course I'm the asshole. Take any and all emotions out of any interactions, it gives them nothing to pick on.
@alisonj95332 жыл бұрын
like a conversation with a toddler "why"?
@rajakhalil86102 жыл бұрын
@@lorihoop3831
@nechamasblack8282 жыл бұрын
Yes, but then they might get into a narcissistic rage, which is not pretty......
@nv_thalia2 жыл бұрын
But i tried No n things got worse n i saw d worst colour in him,even being physically abusive for d first time,its vry difficult to establish boundaries wit dem,i tried saying many times dat i wudnt talk if he shouts n dat he must talk normally otherwise wil keep d phone etc(v dint liv together dat time )but he used to b in such rage dat he wil yel so much mor,even if i cut d cal he wil stil send yelling voice msges,if i block dat too den he wud mail
@debygiannioti42713 жыл бұрын
I read dr Carter's book "when pleasing you is killing me". Then, the strangest thing happened. I was in a situation where someone was insisting I should explain my decision. They were giving me a whole lot of reasons why i should change my mind. Clearly they weren't happy with my choices. So... Having read the book I just replied "nevertheless, I stand by my decision". Such a simple and yet powerful phrase. End of discussion. No further explanation necessary. 😲 Who knew these things aren't really complicated!
@Benjaminleo8153 жыл бұрын
Buying it!!
@strictnonconformist73693 жыл бұрын
Sometimes the hardest situations and problems are cleared up with the simplest solutions.
@elles41153 жыл бұрын
"I don't have to explain my NO to you, I said no". That's my favorite!
@juliesmithson57262 жыл бұрын
Why do they want to argue about everything? I think they may be poor conversationalists, but what's wrong with companiable silence?
@juliesmithson57262 жыл бұрын
Sorry about the typos.
@nutrigorgeous2736 Жыл бұрын
There is no limit to how unreliable, inconsistent these people are. It will be that way for decades
@auntmayme81193 жыл бұрын
“Conflict cannot survive without your participation”. A quote I came across and just now remembered it; thanks to you! Thank you.
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
I wrote that down ❤️👍🌸
@cindyfitzpatrick17533 жыл бұрын
But mine can carry on the conflict even if I don’t engage. You don’t need two to argue with them. Ugh good luck to all!
@astrialindah27733 жыл бұрын
Actually it can, they can cause conflict all by themselves... What we do have control over is our reaction to their machinations and games.
@sarahmk29663 жыл бұрын
The narc creates conflict by upsetting basic life situations. Like omitting doing things they are responsible for, behaving recklessly leaving doors and houses and cars unlocked, getting numerous traffic tickets, Not getting a job and forgetting to pay bills on time, withholding information and forgetting important things purposely playing a shitload of mind games.
@whitethunder90833 жыл бұрын
🥰
@laurarandolph56003 жыл бұрын
IF they push your buttons and get the programmed-negative reaction from you, they've successfully made you look bad; BUT if you just calmly respond or simply walk away, the negative impression given bystanders lands on them. "THE-SOUND-OF-ONE-HAND-CLAPPING"-- If you don't impulsively react according to their programming for you, they're left making noise in the wind and they look mean, petty and stupid... as they should, not you.
@allipeterson38763 жыл бұрын
I need to learn how to keep quiet and walk away. Mine will start recording me on his phone whenever I get upset.
@Ah-ed6ie3 жыл бұрын
Which makes everything I say null and void. As I have been in the relationship too long. When its all bad they reel me back which is a bad mistake. Especially when they have relatives and siblings minutes away. I have nobody because of my stubborness of "it all fine and we are good". Its like the calm before the storm.
@missysimms52273 жыл бұрын
Wow - I’d like to post this for all the family on the fridge!!!
@disaj74603 жыл бұрын
Not. Playing. Your. Sad. Little. Game.
@karmatoys8 күн бұрын
❤❤❤❤
@shereadsshescries14573 жыл бұрын
Do not let them suck you into wars, just walk away.
@yvdsan3233 жыл бұрын
Damm, wish i knew all this before marriage. Basically we've been duped. Don't feel sorry for a narcissist! Give them the boot real quick and stop all the manipulation and don't look back. Thanks for your great advices doc!
@wisconsinfarmer47423 жыл бұрын
it is part of life, learning these things through experience. sometimes repeatedly.
@user-of9bx1uk3u3 жыл бұрын
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@dubliner13033 жыл бұрын
Boot given 2020. No contact. Ignore until death.
@yvdsan3233 жыл бұрын
@@dubliner1303 hopefully after the death and in the next life they will be a changed people but I doubt LOL. Satan has got them by the neck and will drag them down to the pits of hell!
@cereal_qilla3 жыл бұрын
Yup 👍
@cooperconway67883 жыл бұрын
“In return and rest we shall be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be our strength…”
@isabelleparise56073 жыл бұрын
I am sharing this phrase: The more irrational a person is, the easier it should be to avoid their traps.
@prunelle90513 жыл бұрын
Yet, his partner is still with him after 15 years. Wow... and at the same time so sad to know that person is letting herself being destroyed, that there is nothing you can do about it. Each of us has to learn by ourselves. Such a curse for the Narc and such a enlightenment for the Empath. Knowledge is power.
@MarlanWarren3 жыл бұрын
"I'm not going to filter myself through someone who's a very troubled person" -- Words to live by! Thank you!
@colinesquire24803 жыл бұрын
Yes
@shantellcobb70672 жыл бұрын
Amen 💪
@bernadette5733 жыл бұрын
Paying attention to your internal warning signs? If they are a haunted house, stay out of it. Don't try to rehab a haunted house.
@krisztina4423 жыл бұрын
Very true, listen to your intuition and inner voice! Always!
@larasita113 жыл бұрын
I love that: "Dont try to rehab a haunted house." 🤔😱 🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️🏃🏼♀️ Run Awayyy!! 😁
@wifferstess28243 жыл бұрын
Sad but true. A more accurate saying is "You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink".
@wisconsinfarmer47423 жыл бұрын
thanks for the laugh. you got me.
@cr42283 жыл бұрын
Correct, every mirror reflected back from them is their distortion of reality.
@HeatherDMorris3 жыл бұрын
Boundaries!
@sheilajac3 жыл бұрын
I believe you got it, Dr. C is holding his hand over his heart - protect your heart!
@AnupmaJ3 жыл бұрын
Narcissists don't respect boundaries. I would say high self esteem that you don't give a damn about their opinion or the opinions of flying monkeys.. Waiting to see what Dr. C says.
@PatriziaViselliArtist3 жыл бұрын
Your advice is much appreciated 🙂🙏⭐
@sharoncorrell9433 жыл бұрын
Guard your heart. Learn to think logically and not emotionally. This will be of great importance should you find yourself in a relationship with one of these creatures and realize going No Contact is the answer to healing.
@nobodyspecial17333 жыл бұрын
Razor fence style.
@gwillis013 жыл бұрын
I like that you said "I give myself permission to be a mixture of good and bad traits"
@juniettareidhead83103 жыл бұрын
They constantly tell you that all kinds of negative things are going to happen.
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
Junietta Reidhead,You don't need them!!
@thenaturalmd3 жыл бұрын
I like the phrase "Detached compassion" as how I respond to the narcissists in my life that I still engage with as needed. It can be hard but the more emotionally detached I become from their drama, the more deflated they become and often they just move on.
@lindawinters3633 жыл бұрын
“Detached compassion”...I love it!
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
Pam Avery,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@KadyPowellAEROPOLEONEKD2 жыл бұрын
Cremation of the spirit of Care ~ Bohemian Grove ceremonies
@JL-sk4zp3 жыл бұрын
The calm part is challenging when they have caused one such extreme CPTSD
@candacecasey56343 жыл бұрын
Try dialectic behavioral therapy The practice of radical acceptance helped me.
@MsBonijoni3 жыл бұрын
. .that’s their shadow work (COTSD) that they’ve transferred onto you. Be kind to yourself FIRST in knowing your true value as a decent person in this world, and you will find forgiveness in your heart for yourself FIRST ..after this there is nothing and there is no one who can strip you of this internal protection. .as you forgive you are in fact protecting your highest virtues and honoring your highest truths forever ✨
@beckyiwuanoruo58213 жыл бұрын
Very challenging 😫😢
@LG-kx8xl3 жыл бұрын
It is but it's worth it. You have to do the opposite of the expected. No arguing, no yelling,, not even words....just. mmm..hmm & no attitude. Go sit down & cross your hands in front of you (acting weird makes them uncomfortable) & let them rant. They'll run out of words and/or start sounding like they're fighting with themselves (i.e ok. I know it's OK. Right. I know I'm right. Mmm...hmmm. They stop when they don't get what they want which is a rise out of you. That's no fun for them. Once you appear disconnected & monotone you have to stay that way for them to lose interest.
@cerenyldz27543 жыл бұрын
It is, but it's possible! I'm on a similar path, I'm sorry what they make you go through, but know that we can do it!
@TheCandaceH3 жыл бұрын
There are 43 narcissists that have thumbs downed the video. The great thing is there are 6.2 k thumbs up! That means there are more normals than abnormal. That makes me feel good. I'm glad this subject of narcissistic abuse is being talked about so much now.
@ChatieLil3 жыл бұрын
When I’ve tried so hard to stay calm and talk clearly without getting emotional I’ve then been accused of being patronising and talking to them condescendingly. 🥴😫Anyone else ?
@charlottemuller22333 жыл бұрын
They flip everything on you!! They have no soul
@-beTHEchange-123-3 жыл бұрын
Yes!!!
@melissam.60543 жыл бұрын
Projecting their own negative qualities onto those who see through them!
@pjpj34163 жыл бұрын
F*CK WHAT THEY THINK, AND ACCUSE YOU OF, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
@Susileedean3 жыл бұрын
They won’t let you do it right. They will always find a way to make you wrong.
@peachesmcgee47953 жыл бұрын
It's so hard not to react when they accuse you of things you haven't done but I'm learning not to "bite".
@coffeegirl68543 жыл бұрын
Don't take the bait.
@lovemymini84183 жыл бұрын
💪
@MassimilianoBariola3 жыл бұрын
Hear hear
@pjpj34163 жыл бұрын
It's really hard, but good for you.
@cherrybacon33193 жыл бұрын
I used to have just one side. A Victims side. Since I left my Narcissist I've become more independent and have developed a side that is stronger. I'm self-aware and am not afraid to enforce my boundaries, and have a tougher attitude when it comes to people that simply aren't worth it. 🍒
@demigaines56443 жыл бұрын
Blocking The Narcissists Going No Contact
@stephaniesomer59343 жыл бұрын
Resilience. Sensibility. Pragmatism. Stoicism. You must do what needs to be done to remove yourself completely from the game. It takes a strong will to smile a little smile and not react. To say nothing to the flying monkeys and rise above it all and turn your back. It’s all about “winning” with them-so you have to remain vigilant and refuse to be manipulated into playing...even 5-10-15 years later it amazes me how my ex still tries to insert himself and his presence into my world.
@godswillm5753 жыл бұрын
I did remove myself from the game completely. Stopped saying anything to the flying monkeys. Now the flying monkeys are also angry with me, because I don't 'entertain ' them. And in the group, its being said that I seem to have a problem with many of them, so the issue must be with me. That I'm going crazy. You see the narcissist never stops. Not even after they have ruined your relationship with others. Wish I had a good response for this crap.
@joannajohnson6963 жыл бұрын
Ten years I have held myself back from the narc I live with. Too long.
@geanieollman23203 жыл бұрын
Both my Sisters were flying monkeys. I’m ok with no longer having those sisters.
@krisztina4423 жыл бұрын
@@godswillm575 Oh, it just goes to show their really twisted mindset: you seem to have a problem with many of them so what else could be the final conclusion??? YOU represent the problem as YOU are crazy... Every story has two sides, they have probably never heard of this and of course, they have ZERO insight. They never ever analyse themselves and their contribution to the story. So I just want to say that I know the "phenomenon" you are writing about...
@soniabernatchez74663 жыл бұрын
its annoying me it s 21 years move on con artists, thank you sir
@AnupmaJ3 жыл бұрын
Develop the discernment to discriminate between good souls vs evil souls. Once identified, move physically away from such 'troubled souls' without delay. Don't ever give them the benefit of doubt or allow them back into your life. Since, narcissists don't self reflect, they find some other gullible soul to torment and drain their energy.
@lynnfincham68393 жыл бұрын
I’ve shut down the game with the narc in my life because I have fortunately been able to put her in a corner regarding theft. She knows I know, she knows how much I know, and she knows if it ever happens again it’s straight to law enforcement . That’s it calmly , positively , no anger displayed (albeit angry inside). 7 months no contact, 7 months disconnecting with flying monkeys. It’s not nice, it’s upsetting but by god it had to be done. For me and my family ... it’s no no and no ✋✋✋
@AntoDesormeaux3 жыл бұрын
Well done, and good for you!
@chellsymons5903 жыл бұрын
I bet as hard as it is it has given you your freedom back
@kateb71553 жыл бұрын
Been there; done that, too. It was the only thing that put a stop to all the bullying and violence. Four years free and counting to the end of my days!
@fridayguythomas30613 жыл бұрын
Wow this is exactly what I'm going thru been 5 months and it concerns theft. Last week I broke no contact I needed her to know I know I simply said Ever been in a house on South B Street on Christmas Day. She chuckled and hung up the phone not the reaction from an innocent person for sure. She threw out hints and half truths and basically told on herself. Today I informed her if I see her on the ranch I'll have her arrested and re established no contact forever including the fake social media profiles.
@jessshnarcky10893 жыл бұрын
A chaplain gave me the best advice: Act as if they don't exist, especially if you are not in a situation where you have to interact. Remember, they are vampires. Vampires have to be invited in first. Unfortunately, some of us are raised by/with vampires.
@Robidu19733 жыл бұрын
Great analogy. Plus also note that vampires are using guile and subterfuge to get you to invite them, and they are even attempting to charm (aka. love-bomb) you.
@whitethunder90833 жыл бұрын
Yes, Energy vampires "sucking "the energy out of u.
@sugarfree18943 жыл бұрын
When you begin to respond with calm confidence it is actually quite funny to watch them ramp it up, trying to reel you in again. Once you've become practiced at it, they begin to stop trying. Then, well, they're just rather dull to be with.
@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit20233 жыл бұрын
They love to chip away at your confidence and agency, one-pointless-argument-at-a-time.
@sallyclay19743 жыл бұрын
Don't play games with men like that. U will lose. Don't be needy. Be independent.
@ExoticalT3693 жыл бұрын
I exude 'Calm Confidence', which is why narcissists don't try me...they know that I know what they're up to from the start.
@iys6890 Жыл бұрын
Yes...we are very perceptive and they hate that!
@audioupgrades3 жыл бұрын
The challenge is to get the narcissist to move on from you. You may get out of their regular, daily games but they'll usually be plotting and scheming to get to you in the long run.
@bodaciousbethany03 жыл бұрын
I managed to stay away 3 years. 2 weeks ago. Here they come. Pop up visit. I did get to try out the gray rock method. Not bad.
@audioupgrades3 жыл бұрын
@@bodaciousbethany0 Sorry to hear they came after you and glad to hear you handled it 👍
@realhealing78023 жыл бұрын
The game doesn't work, if they can't get you to play. Stay out of the narcissist life by leaving them alone. I went no contact to save my mental health. My family of origin is full of narcissists!
@audioupgrades3 жыл бұрын
@@realhealing7802 I think it varies how much a narcissist will pursue you. Some will probably blank you and move on to easier victims. Some feel they own you and can't let you win by slipping from their grip.
@bodaciousbethany03 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much! I usually go nc. I learned over the summer about grey rock. & I hope it's another 3 or more years until they bother me again. 😄
@upsidedownworld50603 жыл бұрын
Not seeking validation nor approval is key to surviving a narc attack.
@randyeller81393 жыл бұрын
This whole talk brought a line at the end of the 80s movie,War Games. “Interesting game. The only way to win is not to play.” The behavior described here is my Head Boss at work to a tee! Great video.
@wisconsinfarmer47423 жыл бұрын
when my boss criticizes an inconsequential issue I say, "do you feel better?"
@Tawanda993 жыл бұрын
Very good! I like that
@cindys94913 жыл бұрын
I love that quote! Applies well to so many situations.
@janetpattison84743 жыл бұрын
Love the quote, and your sharing, but I hope that’s not your real name.
@9gje93 жыл бұрын
When a narcissist actively attempts to provoke an argument, they expend tremendous personal energy which they recover if the target engages. However, it's a totally different ballpark when the target responds with calm confidence - the narcissist effectively DEPLETES themself (quite rapidly) and typically will withdraw because the total encounter then occurs at THEIR personal expense. Something they will avoid if they're not getting anything back.
@EyeToTheSkyPerth3 жыл бұрын
Self confidence and knowing your self worth ... if you place a proper value on yourself they know they will struggle to make you question yourself which will make it too hard for them to control you .. so they don’t bother trying and seek out another victim.
@crockett8883 жыл бұрын
Well said.
@bernitacenteno13263 жыл бұрын
The narcissist prefers a younger inexperienced partner to " train them, to keep them in line ", about 10 years younger, to marry. So, beware of the wolf in sheep's clothing.
@bernitacenteno13263 жыл бұрын
@@eviejade6320 FORGIVENESS begins with your self and you already took the first step. You were willing to seek help from a therapist. Narcissists won't do that. Why not ? The answer is, BECAUSE THEY ARE NARCISSISTS. THE MASK WILL HAVE TO COME OFF AND THEY WILL HAVE TO FACE THEMSELVES,THE TRUTH OF WHAT THEY ARE, AND THEY CAN'T.
@bernitacenteno13263 жыл бұрын
@@eviejade6320 Thanks for your courage. I thank you too. You can do it, as long as moving forward in your new found knowledge is what you really want and you follow through with it. You are never too old to live right. PERSEVERENCE IS MY MOTTO. YOU CAN BORROW IT, 👌 OKAY.
@jennyanderson47963 жыл бұрын
Getting back to me ....has taken years, not alot of supporters for the real me to show up
@jedimaster7083 жыл бұрын
I find that, when you try get out of the firing line of a narcissist, limit their access to you, or practise indifference, malignant narcissists in particular, will ramp up their interactions with you, by seeking you out, demanding attention, using all means of communication available to them. They are broken toys, and their sole mission in life is to destroy people of excellent character. No contact is the only option, and distance is key. The further the better. You don't stand a chance when you try to avoid them in a confined space, like a working environment. Power is given, control is taken, and the only way to take control is to get right out of their reach.
@thecommunity11022 жыл бұрын
Yep. They escalate and escalate and escalate. Distance and falling off the face of the earth are oh so important.
@priyankasingh-nx6ju2 жыл бұрын
True
@BashaerB-h2c2 жыл бұрын
True. My grandfather (mom's side) went to my father's work ( a highly respected university lecturer) and ruined his reputation saying he beats my mom and doesn't treat her well. He did this after my mom didn't agree to divorce my father (he didn't have a reason, he just didn't like him anymore). For years and years after that he made a strong smear campaign against my parents. A few months ago I've discovered my mother is a covert narcissistic herself and carries many of her father's traits. I'm trying my best to break the cycle. Malignant narcissistic are lively-hood threatening and can't be under estimated! Break all ties and RUN!
@jameslandrum5553 жыл бұрын
I wish I had known all this when I was married to my Narc Wife. I remember exhausting myself explaining & pleading to convince her I had done nothing wrong when.......well, I hadn’t. I’m thankful today because I got out with my Sanity but her & the courts stripped me of everything else & it left some deep scars.
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
You cannot put a price on sanity ❤️👍🥂🌸
@mopopskull92593 жыл бұрын
I finally just told my 79 year old narcissist mother to lose my number and never contact me again because she's dead to me. I'm not interested in maintaining contact or attempting to have an amicable relationship.
@stephenlee71833 жыл бұрын
I have a narcissist in my life, outside of the home. Once I recognized his problem, I interacted with him with calm confidence. The result is that he hardens up. To the extent that he can, I don’t exist. I am actually okay with that.
@prunelle90513 жыл бұрын
Bravo
@jluecking55962 жыл бұрын
That’s right
@maribone200213 жыл бұрын
I vowed to myself, several years ago, not to let a conflict escalate. I just listened. I now just SAY "I'm listening. " The person I confront, in this particular case, is NOT a narcissist, but was raised by narcissistic patents. I have found that, by really listening, I learn something about myself that this person can't put into words. The "conflict" then resolves.
@billyrayvalentine79723 жыл бұрын
I knew my wife came from a troubled childhood. So I thought love would fix it. My love made me ignore the warnings. I knew better but I ignored it. Then I lost my way. I made horrible choices. They will never change. It was me that had to change.
@cactusjackhausen85083 жыл бұрын
I too approached it with a "love heals all wounds" mentality and thought if i just loved them enough that I could fix them.....what a waste of a decade and a half and at great personal expense mentally, emotionally and financially. There is no fixing a narcissist. Just wish id learned that sooner
@lindagithaiga19743 жыл бұрын
Very true.I tried to treat a covert narcissistic friend like a princess even planning fun outings with her but the more I tried to show her I just want to be friends,the more angry she became.I had to let go for good this time around (for that was my third attempt at rekindling a friendship) and mind my business.🤷
@haroldcampbell33373 жыл бұрын
My story, too
@suzesinger67623 жыл бұрын
@@cactusjackhausen8508 ..Me - same .xx BUT getting another life - gives us another chance, ;)
@suzesinger67623 жыл бұрын
@@lindagithaiga1974 ..Yeah - me too. All they do in the end is hurt you too bad,... they just 'handed you the scissors...and you made a clean cut' ! ;))
@VK-tl5dp3 жыл бұрын
Excellent! Seeing how the narcissist delights on playing on my reactions is a sickening enough motivation to stay calm and confident. No fuel, no fire. Thank you.
@bostonmarathoner72813 жыл бұрын
Just GOSO- when you know you are dealing with a narcissist, you get out and you stay out!
@Cubestone3 жыл бұрын
The closer we are to a situation or person the more difficult, even with professional training, it is to step back and hit the calm and confident mark. The Black Knight of Monty Python comes to mind, "I'm alright, it's just a flesh wound." Practice, practice, practice.
@corinnenorton67463 жыл бұрын
The more I listen....The more I see the light and apply this wisdom..The calmer I become 👍
@SurvivingNarcissism3 жыл бұрын
That's the point! Dr. C
@LR-yu3mx3 жыл бұрын
All that is left of my toxic family with a narcissist mother and weak enabling father... Are three brothers.. remain ing Just as troubled souls as they are... One in his 80's Just as "know it all"... boastful.... Unpopular as they were the flying monkeys through all these years... And keeping them as far as possible from me. Yippee... Freedom and peace.
@aviatoraw3 жыл бұрын
I like to tell them, “ It must be so difficult for you to get through life.” Deliver that message calmly. They love to have the attention on themselves anyway.
@dannynyman96813 жыл бұрын
In a word: "Stoicism"
@jennyanderson47963 жыл бұрын
My dad had stoicism , but also quiet sabatouging me , a little confused with this I see him as the game player but he was also covered costs never drunk had a steady job didnt cheat on my mom only messed her up ... ha' only ' deciet control
@bryando3 жыл бұрын
I'm calm and talk back like their in kindergarten. They can't take it and they explode and show their true self and it's funny. Their a joke you got to embrace. In the end I laugh. They get confused and turn into hibernation untill they strike again lol
@bernitacenteno13263 жыл бұрын
Dr. LES CARTER said, " I have no intention of giving my confidence over to a conartist ". ME EITHER. THEY TIE YOU UP IN KNOTS,TO PLEASE THEMSELVES, TO CONTROL EVERYONE IN THEIR SPHERE OF INFLUENCE.
@axiomaticidioms38573 жыл бұрын
Yeah... They crazy make and say,"look how you're acting!"
@candacecasey56343 жыл бұрын
I am getting sick of it
@axiomaticidioms38573 жыл бұрын
@@candacecasey5634 so am I
@katvond63463 жыл бұрын
When there is no show, there is no audience.
@taejonwills37563 жыл бұрын
No audience, no show.
@denisegiles19613 жыл бұрын
I will say one thing...... this is downright emotional abuse and there is no sugar coating that. Sometimes it's even physical abuse. You are placing all the burden and responsibility on the victim and that is not right in any way. These narcissists clearly need to be held accountable. In fact, when you are ruining peoples reputations behind their backs and telling downright lies.... that is also against the law, period! They can be held accountable for trying to clearly and flat out ruin and destroy a persons life out of ill attempt to control them. Let's stand up to these narcissists and hold THEM accountable for their manipulation, lying and controlling as it should be. They don't get an "out" while the victim has to put in all the work and try to defend their innocent self.
@mikeseitz27923 жыл бұрын
Living with a Narc is like sitting in a chronic mental traffic jam of confusion. Thanks to Dr. C I now chose to find the offramp and take another mental freeway. Also I have learned to "observe but don't absorb". Unplug emotions, put them in a place of not good or not bad. I understand the value and power of not playing!! Living on team healthy!!!!!
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
Are you a trucker? Traffic jams, off ramps, freeways 👍❤️🌸good analogies my friend!!!
@mikeseitz27923 жыл бұрын
@@tmo.48 No, just how I could relate to it!!
@charlottemuller22333 жыл бұрын
They love chaos and concussion!!!! Drama!
@krisztina4423 жыл бұрын
Strong boundaries and/or discernment? When I was able to say straightforwardly "This is not OK for me!" and "I don't play mindgames!" it proved to be a great narcissist-repellent.... Of course, it caused narcissistic rage but at least he walked away and didn't want to come back. 😁
@shelbyl.hatcher49903 жыл бұрын
I did the same thing!😹I said, "With tears streaming down my face, I'm better than this!" The mind games, lies, cheating..
@prunelle90513 жыл бұрын
He'll be back. Took 4 months and a half for me. 😉 Tripple whammy for him. Ignore/ cross another friend with happiness/ pointed at him laughing as he was leaving. BOOM BOOM BOOM
@joannalopez54472 жыл бұрын
It doesn't work for all narcissist, strong boundaries, don't feed into the bull. A' hole still hasn't left. Feed up with this crap.
@sage98363 жыл бұрын
"Calm confidence." I am going to write that on my hand before the next time I see the person. I can glance at my palm and brearhe when they start in.
@wisdom-fairy35503 жыл бұрын
Yep , cool idea safe
@wisdom-fairy35503 жыл бұрын
I mean Sage ...
@123raven43 жыл бұрын
WE NEED A TATTOO ON OUR ARM/WRIST AS A PERMANENT REMINDER! Great idea Sir!!!!!😁
@lovemymini84183 жыл бұрын
I’m considering getting that tattooed on my inner arm...🙌🏼. (And I typed this without seeing the above comment!)
@debb45983 жыл бұрын
My new mantra!! This is gold!
@danieladeutsch17083 жыл бұрын
When I have started to react calm - my ex-narc became always so mad about me. "Why are you so calm?!" - "Why aren´t you afraid?!" - "Why are you not scared?!" - But I was already on my way out of that relationship, so I found the power to not react and find the peace inside and a little laughter for his behavior :)
@annemurphy80743 жыл бұрын
On my way out from my ex who was a narcissistic sociopath, I was becoming much more practiced at being calm and non reactive. I had very good help from a life coach who understood narcissistic abuse and whose specialty was helping people get out of cults. Without his help, I don't know what I would have done. He literally kept reeling me in and kept me sane. He taught me invaluable tools to use while I was extricating myself from the marriage. At one point my ex said "It's like you have a force field around you and I can't get in". I imagined it growing bigger while looking him right in the eye. He stumbled backward, hit the steps and landed on his ass. He looked afraid.
@danieladeutsch17083 жыл бұрын
@@annemurphy8074 I am so proud of you! Well done! Yes - they are all afraid, afraid of being abandoned. Enjoy your free life, sweety!
@annemurphy80743 жыл бұрын
@@danieladeutsch1708 Thank you Daniela! Lessons and wisdom hard won.
@prunelle90513 жыл бұрын
@@annemurphy8074 WOW ! I got let go after 2 years of abuse at work. They were astounded by my reaction. Absolutely calm. I felt really powerful. Felt all there. Feeling like a calm lioness. They were sitting so far from me it made me giggle. (Thank you mask). Who knew that when you are sure of your self worth, getting fired is nothing ! Time for a new life ! Wooo !! Hooo !!
@annemurphy80743 жыл бұрын
@@prunelle9051 Good for you! We never have to tolerate such toxic behaviour.
@squirrelcovers63403 жыл бұрын
Call them out on their 🐂💩 and laugh in their face. They become FURIOUS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@julesm12733 жыл бұрын
Unfortunately, it took me getting away from him and educating myself before I regained my confidence. It’s hard to maintain your confidence when they’re undermining your confidence, manipulating and gaslighting you. And my final thought is how much extra work and it requires living with a narcissist and little you receive for all that hard work. Wish I’d had this information years ago!!
@stargazer50803 жыл бұрын
"Reframing"is a powerful tool for transformation, negating all regret, . eg. reframing what you said from unfortunately.... to " Fortunately it took me getting away from him and educating myself to regain my confidence, which is increasing as I grow stronger and healthier every day, enjoying more and ever more inner peace, joy, gratitude and abundance Now! "The power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is a great inspiration...Congratulations for taking your power back, as you are an inspiration to others.
@julesm12733 жыл бұрын
@@stargazer5080 good point!
@kerrythomson77883 жыл бұрын
The problem is enmeshment That is what a narcissistic relies on to keep a person stuck. Healingbthe enmeshment and recognising you are actually a separate person.
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
Enmeshment!!! I am a big reader and I don’t think I have ever seen that word used before-thank you for using it ❤️👍🌸
@denisewittman9753 жыл бұрын
I'm so thankful for your work Dr. Carter. It helped me leave a 27 year marriage and heal. To everyone out there, it can be done. Life can be good.
@erichaynes75023 жыл бұрын
Recently a narcissist tried to get their claws in me. I recognized it pretty early so I decided to do at least a few retaliatory actions to their every single 1. "Yes, I'll be there" - I didn't show up "Just text me" - I never responded, ever. "I'll be available on Sunday" - I wasn't available on Sunday My phone rings, I don't answer it goes to voicemail. I never listen to the voicemail The narcissist can't come to my house unless they barge through security gate, which thankfully they never tried. My car is in garage with no windows so they wouldn't be able to tell if I'm home anyway. I'm never answering the door if it's them knocking. If I run into them somewhere "I'm busy".."sorry, I don't have the time".."gotta work".."sorry, can't do it..sorry can't do it..sorry can't do it"..stay 10 steps ahead of them they hate when they get NOTHING from you.
@TheShadowWatcher13 жыл бұрын
I failed miserably keeping my calm, but totally thrown off guard by what the narc said. I buried my dearest Dad the other day, he came around to give me support in the evening.. apparently. Within 10 minutes of me telling him about the day he turned to me and said. Why are you so upset. Am afraid he got more than a reaction. They stoop so low then act like that was a normal question to ask after laying my poor dad to rest. I was livid 😡
@funnyhunny34073 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry.
@gloriaforzaglia9823 жыл бұрын
Sorry for your loss.
@rohithreddy753 жыл бұрын
They will lure you into negativity.
@prunelle90513 жыл бұрын
I'm sorry. I talk to myself as soon as they are close to me. " Your feet are on the ground, you are not talking to empty box and you do not need validation from it, you know who you are, I sing songs (Shame, shame shame🎶) giggling is the best remedy. Thank you mask.
@shahadah14513 жыл бұрын
I am already so much better for these videos, Dr. C.! I love them! My daughter said "Huh?" when I disengaged with calm confidence. It was priceless. She was totally disarmed.
@christianpulisic77843 жыл бұрын
Julie Basco,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
@salauerman70823 жыл бұрын
Be slow to anger… use self-control. Set boundaries. Speak little, not over-powering. Don’t plead, coax, or convince.
@JudithMacdonald-u3b3 ай бұрын
The gaslighting I experienced with this covert narcissist was so intense & confusing it took me a very long time to decide he was a phony manipulative user with a bad agenda, toxic & deceitful & someone completely void of love AND honesty Dr Les Carters teaching videos have literally saved my life I believe !
@Nina-vv3ev8 ай бұрын
When you are calm, it just makes them angry…
@SurvivingNarcissism8 ай бұрын
All the more reason to stay calm. No need to join their crazy.
@Nina-vv3ev8 ай бұрын
@@SurvivingNarcissism exactly why I disengage from the game I didn’t want to play… enablers make you look crazy… you are a wise man, sir, and I love your videos. They are very helpful.
@leilagomulka5690 Жыл бұрын
Calm confidence will stop the game. Thank you for this pearl of wisdom.
@stephaniecostello22623 жыл бұрын
This is a great reminder. I'm back at square one with a narc sibling after losing my cool. For years now I'm caring for our ailing parent for whom I returned to our hometown, back into arm's reach of the narc. It was only a matter of time before the verbal attacks, false accusations would start, and they have. I've had calm confidence this entire time but recently an attack came from nowhere and I exploded. Not gonna lie, it felt great to fire with both barrels but the downside was the narc knew they'd gotten to me and rolled right into the good guy act. So, starting over. Sometimes it takes practice.
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
Every single thing takes practice ❤️
@Rubbaduckie19752 жыл бұрын
Know that you did absolutely the right thing, you stay firm and continue with how you were before that point. That just confirms the f#@ked up mind games your Narc is playing. You are a decent human being, they are not. Good luck to you x
@stephaniecostello22622 жыл бұрын
@@Rubbaduckie1975 Thank you 🙂
@LyndieLouWho3 жыл бұрын
Bait and bash is the narcs favorite game and they win every time.
@tmo.483 жыл бұрын
Just because they bait doesn’t mean you have to bite. And NO, they don’t win every time, only when you play.
@disaffectednarcmagnet23053 жыл бұрын
I discovered this a while back and it's totally correct. Not easy to start but do a little acting and fake it until you make it, it will start to work. Expect some bad behaviour as they try to draw you back in but maintain your dignity and calm and pretty soon they'll start to ghost and find another source. Hard learned experience from a lifelong plague of these sorts, Ive been a magnet 😬
@mariannekjrnissen75003 жыл бұрын
Leaving my husband after 30 years, was The best decision in my life. I had tried a million times, but always Got convinced to go back. Because in The moment i left - he showed emotions and devastation and was able to talk and listen to me..... and i was fooled, every time.i thought - this is it. Now he Will change.... but.... then The endless discussions started over. His no-need to talk.... doing me a lesser person, telling all my faults, getting me into anger.... never Ending story.... i left two yrs ago, and still Benefit from your videos. I Found my life companion since, and i have never felt more calm and relaxed....
@annt.16923 жыл бұрын
The more I learn about them, the more I realize the world is full of them.
@lilyamezcua404710 күн бұрын
Yes!!!😢
@thumperboots50873 жыл бұрын
They hate themselves, it doesn't matter what you do for them. It's just sad how they can't be real or care and have to mirror others because they're incapable of love, only imitate, but never know how to really love anyone.
@whitethunder90833 жыл бұрын
I agree with you. I got the impression they 'hated themselves' sadly to say
@suzesinger67623 жыл бұрын
@@whitethunder9083 ..Yeah. And...when you as an Empath...'act' hateful to them...it confuses them ..They are their OWN worst enemy. x ;))
@pjpj34163 жыл бұрын
So sad but true
@angelamwatts3 жыл бұрын
Not getting emotional and reacting to the narcissist's insults, etc. took me a very long time. I really had to work on myself to set boundaries and to remain calm. Sometimes the best way to deal with it is to let the narcissist say what they say and just not engage. I respond by saying stuff like "whatever" "I see" "well, what can you do". I also learned to excuse myself and go to the restroom or simply pretend to agree with them. I had one insult me by insinuating that I did not know how to bake this pastry. Her argument was only a baker shop could make it. I said "ok, yeah it looks like a major project". The best way to deal with a narcissist is to simply outsmart them; let them have their opinions who cares?
@kimlarsson72593 жыл бұрын
At 50 years of age, I can finally say that I've learned my lessons. This channel has helped me immensely. Thank you. I no longer invite narcissists into my private life, and at work I discretely avoid them. There's minimal damage these days. Those poor souls can't harm me any more.
@iys6890 Жыл бұрын
Excellent! Me too :)
@quietsparklez113 жыл бұрын
I make a cross eyed face and a goofy smile and stay quiet when the narcissist starts this bs with me. ...lol. ( I've been through it so much that I can't physically and truthfully see it as nothing other than a lame joke) .. the rage episode sometimes wont even last very long because if I'm making that face I'm obviously not scared or affected too much by what the narc is trying to pull. Comedy and absurdity have been my way of getting through this. This is a great channel. Thank you for the hope you give💕💕🙏 ( just wanted to share that, idk why..😊lol
@denicehaley9902 Жыл бұрын
I’m finding laughing then walking away is helping me too.
@alimccreery755 Жыл бұрын
I’ve discovered that when I’m not around certain individuals that I’m in a more calming and relaxed mood. I know what that’s telling me and I’m still doing the weeding waking in my life 👍
@nancywong89073 жыл бұрын
Wow this says it in a nutshell! 👍 Boy, "gameplayers, con artist, manipulation, own reality, canniving, push my buttons, etc" . Practice calm confidence - stay objective, not shocked. Thank you, this is soooo helpful! Thank you, Dr. Carter!
@nilgiridreaming2 жыл бұрын
Calm Confidence - No Pleading, No Coaxing, No Convincing - that's the demeanour to use when communicating with a narcissistic type. This is my takeaway - thank you! Bless you Dr C.
@michelepascoe42053 жыл бұрын
I need to keep practising these skills to overcome my habit of getting drawn in by their injustice which triggers my fear of further rejection. It makes no sense as the smear campaign already caused so many I loved to reject me. And I see their disloyalty and bad character and know I'm better off without them. Thank you for teaching us what to do, Dr Carter. Develop calm confidence in the ways you describe ... I can do this.
@Alice-jd5oq3 жыл бұрын
I had narcissistic parents and later on more narcissistic people in my life and it took a lot of energy from me, because I ‘played their game’. But since a few years -fortunately 😉- I have a new neighbor, a woman who is just the same, and, to my own surprise, I react on her with this calm confidence! It works, I do not lose my energy, it makes me smile, especially because I’m so happy seeing myself doing it. I learn from it and that helps me in the little contact I still have with some narcissistic people from long ago, to not automatically fall into the same old trap. Because now I know that I can stay i my calm confidence and not to take them too serious or take it personally.
@tonya--77043 жыл бұрын
My narc just talks over me and seldom takes a breath so I just say Whatever and leave the room. Mine is a roommate situation so there are no emotions involved on my part. And I'm very good at staying to myself for a very long time. She usually acts like things are fine after a day or two, and is sweet as pie and I'm well rested with my boundaries still intact.
@alcrook66623 жыл бұрын
It seems narcissists can only imitate, they are incapable of original thought or actions. once you figure them out ignore them, waste none of you precious soul on them. Try to avoid this type of person. Thank you for the informative videos, I learn a lot from you sir!