Our Adoptions: A Quick Chat

We recently sat down to discuss our thoughts around a few common questions we get when it comes to our adoptions and why we don't talk about many details anymore.
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Hi! We are Phil and Alex! After leaving California in an RV, traveling full time, and helping our littlest with an open heart surgery, we've settled down in Tennessee. We found our homestead land and are learning each day how to live a more sustainable life. We are a family grown through the miracle of Adoption & Infertility Treatments. Our precious daughters are Kinsley Grace (6 years old), Callie Jo (5 years old), and Cassidy Drew (1). Our passion is to encourage families through infertility, adoption and building stronger healthier families. Thank you for tuning in! We hope you are encouraged!
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[@erinhendricks2585]

The reason we don’t hear about private things is because those things are none of our business! Love y’all! ❤️

[@ljcl1859]

I love seeing glimpses of the girls being sweet and having fun, but it does my heart good to see that their privacy is being respected especially as they get older.

[@lynneslayden7498]

There are times I forget Kensie and Callie adopted. I look at the bond the three girls have with each other, and I see the connection with ya'll and with your parents. You have done such a great job raising these sweet girls (all 3) and given them such a firm footing in life they will know how to handle life. They will know if the road gets a little bumpy you are right there for them, to help and love. Sorry for the lengthy post!

[@jennyevans8160]

Well said, I was also adopted and never felt like I didn’t belong, love phil and Alex so much reminds me so much of my family. 💯💜

[@donnayancy2401]

@@jennyevans8160 that’s awesome. I wasn’t adopted and never felt I belonged. I still don’t.

[@felicitymcconville4322]

My sister and l are also adopted and we have also never felt we didn't belong. I have grown up with you love and l thank my wonderful parents for that

[@felicitymcconville4322]

Forgetting they are adopted is how it should be.

[@jessicagrgich3384]

@@felicitymcconville4322 💯 their adoption is not for their adopted parents to put all over the internet. I’m glad there is people that are adopted and always felt like they belonged. But many of us are not as fortunate. My mum showed me unconditional love and my maternal grandparents but the rest of the family were very open about their lack of connection with me. And thanks to my “dad” thinking it was okay to shout it from the roof tops, I had to answer 20 Million questions like I was a science experiment. Kids can be mean without knowing it, just making comments that forever make you feel “different”.

[@juliaingrassia8996]

I firmly believe children should "always know" they were adopted, rather than waiting and telling them later... I love how you handle your girls, all 3 of them..

[@tinaschill7104]

My sisters daughter is adopted. My sister let her know at a young age and let her even meet her bio mom since she wanted to and even went and had spent time with her a couple times as well as with her little sister and my niece has made the decision to not keep in contact with her and she’s now almost 17 years old. My sister thought this same way. My nieces dad (sisters ex husband) is her bio dad .

[@tinaschill7104]

My sister came into my nieces life when she was 7 months old and became her mother because of my sisters ex husband and now she has had 2 boys as well so all theee are very loved

[@leanneadams2549]

I was adopted and I knew before they told me. I just knew that i knew that wasn’t my parents 😞

[@suach03]

I think we shouldn't tel them coz sometimes it needs to unnecessary complications or should wait for d right time. Its ok to some extent in open adoption but not wer u r adopting orphan, abandoned, closed ones

[@jessicagrgich3384]

From my experience of being adopted, I wanted to keep my personal details private. You have literally told and shared WAY to much of the girls private business. Not only that you have put it on the internet for anyone to watch. Gross. I pray your girls don’t get to the point I did when I reached a certain age that I just wanted to not have people asking me questions and making me feel different. You are just doing g this for views and money and it’s not okay.

[@TheMrKristens]

I have not much wondered about the backstory of each adoption. What you chose to share was what I know and understand. To me it has never defined your girls, you, or your family. It is merely one part of a much bigger journey. I am thankful to the Moms who chose you to be their baby's family. They both have remained in my prayers over the years. I am so happy you are both active within the Adoption Community. Promoting life and helping to show there are other paths out there. 💗💗💗 I hope the Gala was full of blessings. 💗💗💗

[@cnwolford]

Therapist here-although not a specialist in adoption or infertility. While I don’t know if this fits for Alex and Phillip in particular, I think it might work for any parent-child communication process. I encourage parents to make a “questions/suggestions/feelings and needs”box. The kids can color and decorate their own question box (a standard shoebox works just fine!). Children living with clinical symptoms or disorders find this extremely useful to communicate with parents. They are able to ask questions, and then, when the parent/caregiver is ready, can read the questions and write a response. It does help parents pause and think through their answer back to their child so that they don’t say something they aren’t sure about without a chance to pause and reflect. The questions box is also helpful for children walking through grief (loss of a parent), grief related to a parent recently incarcerated, recovery from abuse/neglect, and those that just have trouble sharing thoughts and feelings. Younger children can draw pictures and the caregiver can draw pictures back. Anywho, all good things that you two are doing to respect and love your girls through each season of life!

[@marioannamarioanna1070]

I hope you feel my question is real and not meant to be rude, but: doesn’t it make kids uncomfortable when they cannot ask questions directly? Or while waiting knowing that your parent can have read your question but doesn’t have answered it yet? Such a box would have made me very anxious as a kid. But maybe it is different when a kid is used to it? Further on I think it is not that bad to teach children that answers can change over time or situation. My kids told me (as an adult)that they highly appreciated the fact that we showed our insecurities. So I doubt whether such a box would have helped us. But you say that it might work for any parent-child communication process. Do you have that experience or is it a technique that is tested? And aren’t there more families like mine who can handle difficult things (in our family we all have health problems. I am bedridden for example)just because of the option of direct communication about everything?

[@cnwolford]

Marioanna Marioanna great questions. The communication box is not meant to replace regular conversation between parent and child. It is meant to supplement-similar to how one may write a letter to someone rather than talk to them directly. This is simply another method or mode of communication, to enhance all forms of verbal, non-verbal, and written/expressive forms of communication. There would also be preparation regarding how the questions box is used, such as not waiting long before answering back, or, if the parent recognizes a topic needs more than just a written response, then they should have that conversation. I treated a family going through divorce, and the questions box allowed their 10 year old girl to share thoughts because at the time, she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. Again, all methods and modes of communication are important, just as the expression of self is, via verbal/non-verbal, and expressive methods of communication. Thanks for the food for thought!

[@marioannamarioanna1070]

@@cnwolford thank you for answering! Of course all extra communications is 👍🏼although my kids learned me that some things are allowed just to be what they be. But I think that is only true when the openess, the possibility to talk about everything is a fact. I have the good luck to be raised in an open environment. At first I thought we argued more than most people. But than I realised that that was because we felt free to argue and to be good again. I think lots of people are so anxious for negative emotions that they have to climb a mountain to talk about important things. I can imagine such a box can do wonderful things in familie with that feelings that only harmony and beautiful memories are ok. When you are used to sugarcoat but it is important to talk about things which are not nice, painful things, things where you can be ashamed of, the box can be a beautiful in-between thing. A way to experience that even talking about things you disagree or you don’t understand from eachother can relief. Something like that?

[@mothersuperior6751]

My daughter and I had a notebook. She would write her questions or comments and place the book under my pillow. I would take the time to read and pray and then write my response. Placing the notebook under her pillow. She did not use it for long. But it was an excellent resource in its time.

[@weronikagdaniec7621]

I've used something similar in a classroom. Kids sometimes weren't ready to share their struggles and thanks to the box I could help them. I think it encouraged them to transition from being afraid to tell me anything to having a full conversation about even the worst things. They've stopped using the box after about 6 months because they were ready to talk instead.

[@dragonflyd.459]

Why do some make it more difficult than it needs to be? You share what you want and we should be grateful and whatever else you decide to do is your business not ours. Thank you for that part of sharing .

[@lynneashmore6512]

Watching this crying as it resonates with our story….our boy is two and we are beginning to face the ongoing emotion of helping our son understand his own beginnings, and enabling him to make sense of the feelings he will feel, the questions he will ask as he grows. Thank God we can rely on Him to help us! Good job guys….I’ve followed you from the beginning and we’re about to begin the process of foster to adopt for the second time - thank you for being such great advocate x

[@ga6589]

My husband and I are adoptive parents to two wonderful children, now both grown and out of the nest. I think the key thing is for the adoptive parents to acknowledge and validate the complex emotions and feelings of abandonment their child is going to have about their separation from birth mother, whether or not this took place at birth or was an open adoption. It's not easy to process, because as adoptive parents, we have a tendency to assume that if we just provide enough prayer, love and stability, all will be good- there should be no reason for an adopted child to struggle emotionally. We may feel rejected by the child we love so much and that's tough to process. I think that ongoing family counseling by an adoption competent therapist is very important and should begin with any couple considering adoption. (There is a great need for expertise in this field.) I am sorry this wasn't available when we adopted our children 26 years ago. I highly recommend the book, "The Primal Wound", by Nancy Verrier. Best wishes to you and your family!

[@lauradanatzko1854]

Counselors are an awesome idea. Adoptees often struggle with feelings of rejection that no matter how wonderful of a home they grow up in, they have a very hard time shaking.

[@TheMumfordMob]

I just want to say I love you all so much! You are so intentional with what you share. Whether that means keeping some things private or if it means sharing some things because you know it will inform or bless others. 🧡

[@whereisangie]

Colleen Ballinger has twins in the NICU right now and is asking for encouraging stories from other NICU moms to help her thru this difficult time. please send her your love❤❤❤

[@avabrickey4924]

Yes I was just gonna say the same thing!!!

[@maddiesteinbock2370]

Yes❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Sarah-Harvey]

I feel so sorry for Colleen & Erik. I was a NICU mum and it’s so hard. Watching her last vlog I just wanted to reach through the screen and hug her 🥺❤️

[@mocassidy4299]

Surprised Phil and Alex haven’t responded to this comment. Especially regarding a fellow KZbinr. Wow.

[@maddiesteinbock2370]

@@mocassidy4299 I mean 1) they may not have seen this yet and 2) we have no way of knowing if they have reached out to her or not so this is an odd thing to comment.

[@saphira4627]

Your comments are so true! My boys are men now, both open adoptions, both knew from infancy that we were/are an adoptive family. Both have had contact with their birthmothers. Growing up, their questions about their adoption came in waves and I answered honestly, even when I didn't have an answer to their questions. I had great support from the adoption worker with the agency for the first few years (this was many, many years ago). There is much more to say but this is not the place. I greatly admire you both and the parenting and love you provide to all three of your daughters. Wish I could be more helpful, just know that I am cheering you all on with love.

[@flkate9379]

Totally respect your decision on requesting privacy. I just hope that you are continuing with your open adoption and visits with their birthmoms. I've been sad I haven't heard of having any visits with either of them in quite some time.

[@toomanyboys]

That’s most likely because of their move, at least with Kinsley’s bio mom. They’re no longer in the same state and easy for her to drive to.

[@maryellenmadigan6140]

Facetime is always an option.

[@Sarah-Harvey]

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend but whether those visits continued or not is really none of our business. As Alex & Phil both said, they are the girls’ stories to share if they choose to.

[@nancyfarkas3592]

@@Sarah-Harvey exactly. That’s private and not anyones business

[@jennifersteele7575]

I have always wanted to adopt since I could not have children of my own. I think it is wonderful that you are looking out for your girls and their story. You are amazing parents! Love your channel and your wonderful family. God bless you all!

[@danettehartsock6366]

I'm so glad there are families like yours that don't share every detail of their kids lives. You guys are such a cool bunch of folks and I love you so much. LOVE and PRAYERS ALWAYS from Gainesville Florida.❤🙏😊🙏❤

[@janetrobichaud602]

I could see how your story had changed. Privacy is so important especially with your children. It was great to have followed you and I wish you all the best in your up coming loving years.❤

[@bathanytucker2701]

You can't be too careful when it comes to kids. I would be uncomfortable sharing even as much as you have at this point. I don't understand why anyone would think they are entitled to know more.

[@donnarussell5682]

You both seemed to be great parents. I feel blessed to be able to be just a small part of your lives. Thank you so much.

[@tinaschill7104]

Y’all are such an amazingly beautiful family. I love seeing y’all’s family and how your raising them. So happy for y’all.

[@lisaruley5758]

Thanks for the night blessing guys. Much love to you and your family❤🤗

[@maddiesteinbock2370]

Couldn’t love how you two expressed this more❤️

[@Melissa22-]

Thank you for sharing your lives with us!! I definitely understand why you want to keep the kids more private but in a way I feel like I’m part of the family because I’ve been here since the beginning so thank you for sharing what you can 💝 Because of you, I have learned SOOO much about adoption and have been able to educate others too.

[@ruthmarielewis899]

I just love you all! You are doing a great job raising those sweet girls. I love how you articulated where you stand. You are standing where every parent should regardless of how their children joined their families. Letting the children be children and protect their hearts and their story. I am so grateful for every glimpse you share of a God fearing family loving one another and doing life together! Much love to you all! ❤️ from this fellow homeschooling Mama!

[@Bri-wc4ib]

I learn so much from you guys. I totally respect anything you want to keep private as well! Thanks for sharing all that you do! 💗

[@mollytal7099]

I love that you are backing off on sharing about your kids as they grow. I respect that so much. Love your videos!

[@laurapav5802]

I love to hear about some tips and tricks and useful things you’ve done to communicate with birth families. I know every open adoption looks different when it comes to communicating with birth families, but I’d love some ideas of things you’ve done that have worked to keep that a healthy relationship.

[@mumzieshideout3555]

❤❤ It was sooooooooo great to hear Phil tell y'all's adoption story. ❤❤

[@1970Steffie]

Thank you so much for respecting your own boundaries in public, there are so many families who don't... Love your new picture! 😘

[@kingalls64]

You both are AMAZING!!! Upmost respect for you and your family always!! Love you all!

[@TheBlondebombshe11]

I relinquished a daughter through adoption 31 years ago. Your family is in my prayers!

[@auntbssewingquiltingandcra3442]

I’m a mother of 10. 4 bio, 6 adopted children. 5 of my children were adopted thru the Foster care system of our state. You may be able to contact your state to find a counselor specific to adoption. Where we live it’s very difficult to find Counselors however, your state may have more resources available. God Bless your family.

[@jenniferm7502]

Love you guys and love watching your journey! 💜

[@mindyschultz5685]

SO PROUD OF YOU ALL! It is so refreshing to hear you talk about this. People need to hear that it is important to put your family first and recognize the dangers of putting it all on social media. Way to set an example for others and to do what you believe in!

[@christiana2381]

You guys are doing great, keep doing what you’re doing! Privacy is important for everyone so it is perfectly fine to keep your kids innocence! People don’t truly understand things until they go through it themselves. Keep doing what you’re doing!

[@JenGrant71711]

Alex, if there are any they are rare. And for the adoptee it is impossible to find a good therapist... I'm 40! And navigating the medical system is also difficult in some specialists. I'm on the west coast still seeking treatment to help me. Sadly you and Phil are their best advocates to make sure they get what they need. And for that I know they will not suffer my outcome.

[@pdore96]

I so, so respect your parenting, and I'm glad for what you are teaching us as well. Thank you!

[@cristinweekley2547]

I agree with you guys, it is there story and it’s there choice to share it when they want to and to you guys it’s your choice to share with your children what you feel is right at there age about their story. May God Bless You On Your Journey With Your Children 🙏🏼

[@nicolepapole]

I love this and I hope this helps some people realize they aren't entitled to this information. I have been learning a lot about adoption and foster care as it has been on my heart for a while to foster teens and the more I learn about the pains of adoption, the more I feel it is important to help protect these kids. You can have the BEST parents in the world and the most wonderful life and being adopted can still be life altering and painful. Some kids go through very little pain, but for many it is very painful. Sending love to all of you.

[@ginamariedemeo]

I totally understand and hope some other family vloggers will follow the same wisdom. I appreciate you being honest about your 20s and 30s. I am 25 and interested to see what changes as I age. I am here to follow along with you and Phil, I love seeing the kids but a little privacy for them is more then welcome from me. You do what is best for your family. Thanks for taking me along for the ride as long as I have been. (Been here since Callie’s adoption)

[@elizabethspangler4087]

You shared your journey to them and it's been wonderful seeing you all grow. It's sad that some people don't get it. I love how you guys parent the girls, you both amazing. It's 100% their story and their option to share when their older or not. I'm so so glad I found you guys here so so many years ago (when you all were about to meet callie) Love you guys!

[@Libz]

You started youtube so long ago, you are learning and growing just as your children are ! You are doing amazing with respecting your childrens privacy.

[@Adulting_Autistic]

I love your family and feel Blessed to be a small part of your journey. I am a Prayer warrior and love seeing results of a family built on the Lord.

[@beautyfulldoll11]

“It started right there in that RV, it was blissful,.. just shows how bad you need it” haha you walked into that one Alex. Glad y’all got to go on another great date.

[@katrinaroot6376]

I LOOOOOOVE your family soooo much!! I've faithfully watched your vlog for about 3 years now and never left a comment. I'm not a commenter by nature, but this video compelled me to finally do so. I feel like I know you guys so well, like if I were to see you in public, I'd run up to you and give you the biggest hugs! My story: We were/are male factor. My husband has non-obstructive azoospermia, the biggest blow any man could receive in his life. We even went through with a testes biopsy to see if any existed down below and nothing, nada. It was the end of the road at that time for us to ever conceive together. At that time, we had already adopted 4 beautiful kids. After that finality and being able to close that chapter, we actually adopted 2 more times and had a surplus of chaos in our home and were focused on simply raising kids. Inside scoop- we had adopted our first privately at birth. Then we became foster parents. Our 2nd child placed with us at 4 months old, then the next 2 bio siblings together, placed at 2 years old and 1 week old. That made the first 4. We didn't plan on growing our family more, but because babies born biologically to the children you may have already adopted are attempted to be placed with those siblings, we were called..... and how do you say no??? So #5 was placed with us at 3 weeks old, then #6 was placed with us at 4 weeks old. You'd think I wouldn't be telling you that we then had another child, but we did!!! I turned 35 and broke down to my husband, essentially telling him I couldn't do this the rest of my life, knowing that I never tried. Tried to create that experience for myself- pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. I went into IUI with sperm donor, truly accepting up front that it wasn't going to work but at least I wouldn't have the regret that I'd never tried. Well, the 2nd round worked. I had a hard pregnancy, a hard delivery (emergency c-section), but the most beautiful little boy came into this world. He is now 2 1/2. I breastfed until he was almost 2, only stopped because of starting meds to go for IUI again, something I honestly never thought I'd do. But like you've said in previous videos, it's hard to explain, nor should I have to explain, why I'd want to add to my family. I actually went through 5 IUIs this time and now going through IVF w/ sperm donor. I just turned 40 and that tug on my heart is too strong to let go. This video MEANS SO MUCH TO ME and is why I'm finally commenting because I/we have been through the ringer with exactly what you're addressing, that adoption is something that is lived out daily. The current ages of all our children are: 16, 13, 13, 11, 8, 7, and 2. Some children handle the "rejection" that is felt from the day they were born better than others. It is so HARD...... my sister is 10 months older than me and was adopted. In the words of my sister, "Adoption is ugly and it's beautiful." I could sit down and talk with you both for dayyyyyyssss and hope that gets to happen someday- we don't live lightyears away. We live in Indiana. Again, I thank you for all the sharing from you guys that touches me on a daily basis. Much love.

[@mollyd7727]

This is one of my favorite posts ever. YOUR LIFE COMES FIRST!!!!!!

[@michellerobinson4653]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this it’s so important. I’m adopted and 44 years old and some days it’s feels like the Trauma happened yesterday, years on I’m still finding out new information. There’s still such a taboo around the subject, I’m still ‘not allowed’ to talk about it now. Thank you for respecting and honouring your daughter’s stories xxx

[@maryhedrick4020]

I love the fact that you Have been so open and honest with your girls that they are adopted i am also adopted my mom was amazing

[@lornalovering1647]

You are great parents with beautiful children and a loving home environment You dont have to explain why you dont share certain details It is no one else business Wishing your family every happiness xx ❤❤

[@cozychaos9021]

My son’s adoption was 3 years ago and he’s just now starting to ask a bunch of questions and express those hard emotions and we’re walking a whole new journey now. It’s hard!! Praying for you guys.

[@shelliegerber04]

I love that you respect your children's privacy. ❤️

[@BeautifulWreck2]

I think besides counselors and therapists but that you have adoptees that are grown. As an adoptive parent there is one thing you learn through your child's growth - there is trauma. Adoption IS trauma and its rooted in trauma. And you may not see it when they are little but you will see it as they enter into the teen years and even their adult hood. So the key to really knowing - is to talk to all kinds of adoptees and even birthparents. And adoptive parents who now have grown kids.

[@mcmahal]

Yes! Thank you for saying this. As an adoptee and fellow adoptive mother, more people need to hear this.

[@jsfoote79]

Oh my goodness thank you for your openness. We have an iui miracle baby and now in the adoption process. Thank you for sharing.

[@AdriaMullins]

I think you guys are doing an amazing job! A true inspiration.

[@elizabethgrogan8553]

I think you are doing the right thing, in keeping your children's stories private. I've seen parents raising their children on camera, from the day they are born. That's not healthy and children can't give consent to having their entire lives exposed. I don't feel comfortable watching that. Kinsley and Callie are delightful little girls. They love their little sister and know how much they are loved.

[@rhianevans7189]

Your children are so beautiful and are a credit to you. You are so blessed to have 3 beautiful children x

[@sweetpeabutterfly11]

You both are Amazing parents. I love how you raise your family and respect your girls personal feelings and keep things private. Not all things need to be on social media and alot of people forget that. My girls are 20 and 17 and I don't share to much about them because there are so many creepy people out in the internet that are up to no good.. Plus, people don't need to know everything. I do my best to protect them as much as possible. Their my life. God Bless You Guys!💖 💞Supportor for Life!💞

[@kellygrn7]

It's so nice that you protect the girls and keep them off of social media as much as possible.

[@monday6774]

You two are absolutely perfect for each other. I love your channel

[@nunyah7856]

So we’ll said!! Loooove Phil’s ending statement.👏👏👏👏🤷‍♀️😜

[@jennyevans8160]

Phil and Alex what you both are doing parenting I admire your way, my parents dealt with adopting me and my brother was very similar to you both. From a young age we new and excepted, we have always been so loved I feel blessed..when I was 26 my birth mother found me. That’s another story.

[@bumbles5508]

Hello from Scotland, I have followed your story from the beginning. I am 48, have been through 4 unsuccessful rounds of fertility treatment and adopted 3 children who had been through the foster care system. We have twin girls are now 17, they have always known they were adopted and throughout the years they have asked many questions and we have always tried to give an open, honest and age appropriate response. I would encourage you to let them take the lead. They will ask when they are seeking or curious. They will let you know when they are ready to hear more. As long as they know the door is always open they can choose to walk through. We have homemade life story books which have been updated as they get older. If they want to share their story with a friend but struggle to find the words they share their book. Parenting an adopted child is similar but not the same as parenting a biological child. We love all of our children equally but they each experience love differently.

[@empret7704]

Thanks for caring so much for adoption, your daughters and think carefully what you put in the internet ... enjoy your family

[@hawkinsfamilyadventures5341]

I love your videos and you're family. I completely agree it's now the girls story to tell now and if people are not nice about that then they suck. Y'all rock

[@amamo22]

I pray your journey becomes easier and fulling and you learn in how to help others in their adoption

[@Bughotwheels]

Nice to have a date :) so true about adoption its a learning process i visit my kid!!

[@EvilLisa69]

In the beginning, you had days where the bio moms had time with the kids. I'm just curious do the girls still have contact with them?

[@suach03]

Yes u guys definitely inspired me n i have adopted , hes 8mo now. It feels so awesome wen ppl say he resembles me a lot n i never feel he's out of someone else's womb. Love him so much dat i keep asking him y weren't born to me 😁 ❤. Bless him phil n alex.

[@emilyautry4336]

I don’t have a counselor to suggest but one of the best books I read as an adoptee and that I recommend to anyone who is looking to adopt is Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier. I was adopted when I was 4 days old and when I read that book it gave me words for emotions I didn’t know how to describe. Primal Wound is an AMAZING book. Love you guys!

[@ashleyparker1281]

AWESOME job, Mama & Daddy! As an adoptive & biological Mom, it saddens me when people ask detailed questions about my adopted children. My adopted sons are just as much mine as my biological son. I'm just as much my adopted daughters mom as I am my biological daughter's mom. They are all my children and each of them have a story. Their stories are their own, not mine. Don't ask me how they feel. Ask them or don't ask. You are wonderful parents, Phil & Alexis. Great job protecting your babies!! ♡♡♡

[@barbhawkinson659]

You guys are such amazing parents. 💗💗💗

[@kathrynakennedy5358]

I'm adopted myself and can't remember a time when I was told I was adopted; its always been part of my story and life. There is no 'easy' adoption. Sorry. I had a fantastic childhood and the best adoptive parents a girl could ask for!! But, being adopted has a depth evel of rejection and hurt many, especially not adopted, cannot understand. I have found a councilor that has helped me tremendously and golly! I'm so thankful for that!! I really appreciate you that you guys are protecting your kiddos 💖 It is their story to share and may feel like sharing it someday. I'm very open about my adoption, while my sister also adopted, would rather never talk about it. We were loved and in a home that joy and love were felt- I cannot stress how thankful I am for that!!! Currently, my husband and I are adopting 7 embryos- we will be able to carry and give birth to our adoptive children. I love this in so many ways!! They will have a story. Its theirs to share. We are sharing our journey but ultimately their life, feelings and processing is absolutely confidential; and should be. I'm always open to any questions 💖 Thanks for sharing parts of your life with us, especially the not so fun infertility parts. It definitely gives others hope as we face some of the same struggles.

[@Melissa22-]

Awww ☺️ good luck to you!!

[@siobhanjohnson8088]

I totally agree your girls journeys are there own story and they can tell them eventually if they wish. Hope you had a fun date 💓😘

[@jaelgarcia3892]

Love you guys 🤍 god bless!

[@aliciashowers561]

As an adoptive parent, I commend you for speaking about this. It is so hard for other people to understand that children who are adopted need the space to own their stories. That we as adoptive parents are constantly learning how to navigate all of it and that it is complicated and hard, but also beautiful and full of so much love. I've been following since right around Callie's adoption and have so appreciated watching how you have evolved over the years. Our son is 3 so it has blessed me with his adoption journey as well.

[@teeandkids937]

Love you guys ♥️ your kids are so lucky to have you as their parents! Family goals ❤️

[@julieheilman2065]

Thank you Alex!

[@nomo5773]

Alex & Phil been following for about 4 years now ✨🙏Kinsley is lucky to have an amazing opportunity with two great Patents who love her. One day she will share her story with friends, partner or maybe online ✨❤️❤️ Whatever why she decided it’s going to be one filled with love ❤️

[@janiecebender4660]

Callie is also adopted

[@mcmahal]

I know you mean well but saying adoptees are “lucky” is short sighted and not helpful. We are often expected to be grateful when adoption always begins in trauma/loss for the child. Even when it’s from birth.

[@ga6589]

An adopted child may understandably not feel so "lucky", knowing that they were permanently separated from their birth mother. That's a profound loss and we need to recognize and validate it as such.

[@Jessicace]

I think it's important to have accessible resources for adoptees and adoptive parents so that APs can best support them. I think sometimes there is a bit of a ...I dunno, glazing over or branding of adoption as wonderful and amazing when being adopted is a type of trauma (as it is viewed clinically). I think it's so important the kids have their privacy- sounds like you have all done a lot of thinking and reflecting. Wishing you all peace ❤️

[@moniale3657]

Hi, we have adopted 25 years ago a wonderful little girl that had become a wonderful lady. She know frequent her biological mother that me her adoptive mother has found for her. Our daughter has an issue with attachment toward people: she doesn’t communicate her feelings easily. But it’s ok. We know she will get helped some day. Have a nice date. We love you guys! Xx

[@tifflovemyfamily2160]

Hi Phil and Alex..yall are so sweet 💗and I'm ttc baby number 5😊

[@Dexy83]

Whenever I tell someone about this channel, more specifically, about your family, I describe you as the type of parents the world needs more of! I tell others that you grew your family first through adoption, then your IVF journey really went into hyper focus leading to a beautiful baby with congenital heart defects, through her surgery and back to the IVF roller-coaster. Your kindness, concern, humor, joy, integrity, intelligence, and internal glow is why the world needs y'all, and why I 💯 support 5 or 6 more babies that will be blessed to grow up in y'alls family. Not sure if y'all have been getting hassled about sharing K&C story which is why you explained in this video. Whatever the reason, your family shares just the perfect amount (can't lie... We'll always take more Congelliere posts 😉) so keep on keeping on, we need you!

[@PhilandAlex]

😭 you’re so kind!

[@kathleenclark815]

Sweet video! Btw..you guys look great all dressed up❣️

[@Debberdoon]

Knowing several adoptive families the truths I hear from all of them is that at some point you need to acknowledge to the girls that adoption is born out of both grief and love. There was grief in whatever process that led to them being given up for adoption. There was also love in the choice of them being placed for adoption. The grief is not theirs to bear. The love is theirs to cherish. You are wise to allow their story to be their story.

[@ldm61111]

I agree with you so much on the date nights. In the past we've had to rely solely on my in-laws for babysitting for us to have a date night and they are busy a lot (which is totally fine, they are retired, they should get to live their lives how they want). My mom had dogs that weren't the most kid friendly, but they have recently passed away so we are getting my daughter used to my mom's house so that we have access to both sets of grandparents for babysitting so that my husband and I could have more dates, even just once a month would be nice.

[@TheoriginalANGEK439]

It doesn’t matter weather a child is adopted. So long as the child has lots of love and security. That’s the important thing. And both your girls have it from you guys in abundance. And everything else a child needs. You are doing gods work, in my opinion. 👍♥️👍🇬🇧

[@ga6589]

Both of my children were adopted and I can tell you that It does matter to THEM that they were adopted. It isn't because they don't feel loved by us as their parents, but rather that they experienced profound loss (of birth mother connection) as infants. This is trauma that must be recognized and subsequent feelings be acknowledged and validated, not minimized or ignored.

[@hilarymcdonald8965]

Id love to hear how therapy goes and what you learn there! I think its very understandable to just share the adoptive parent story and protect the privacy of your kids stories.

[@Amy-oc2ui]

I just love you guys. That's all. Carry on...

[@calimomma4741]

Amen! As adoptive parents raising our kids we know close to nothing about adoption. It is a constantly changing triad of emotions. Ours, our child’s, and the birth parents. I feel like when I am old and grandma than just maybe I will know more about adoption and raising adoptive kids and and even helping my adult child navigate or find resources fo to any of those big feelings. Adoption begins with loss and as adoptive parents there really isn’t a way for us to know what that feels like for our child. All we can do is love! And do the best we know how

[@SSC_Aspirant106]

Congratulations to ,everyone who comes in every single seconds .

[@leannepaxton5012]

I’m so pleased about everything that you said in this video. I think it is 100% the right thing to do, to pull back on sharing such precious and sacred information about Kinsley and Callie’s adoptions, their lives and their stories in general. I have seen snippets of some other family vloggers, who share absolutely everything (at least it seems like everything) about their children’s lives, especially daughter’s lives and it makes me feel really quite uncomfortable about knowing something that should be private for those young kids. I have been horrified to find out that some young girl has “become a woman”! That sort of detail about a young girl’s life, should never be given away so freely, should never be shared at all, shared with thousands of people, people who are strangers. I would have been mortified, so hugely devastated, if my parents shared such a private moment of my life, as it happened, with so many people. I don’t know how I would have dealt with the shame. Although, thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about such things when I was that age, as that was about 30 years ago! No vlogging taking place 30 years ago!!! I can’t watch channels like that anymore. They cross such a big line when they give away their own child’s privacy, just so that they have content. Your girls are all so incredibly lucky to have you both as their parents and that you guys will fiercely protect them, along with their privacy. One last thing, I hope you guys had a wonderful time at the gala. You both were looking very beautiful and handsome!

[@manonjeanmitron4479]

And the girls are so special ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[@terriehumphries6028]

When I first came to the channel I did not know Kensie and Callie were adopted one looked like Dad the other like Mom. You were right in the middle of trying to pack your family and leave. Then you mentioned it I was like Wow who would have thought?

[@bonnienoone1611]

You guys look great!!

[@sarah-beruriahbattzion28]

I was adopted and one very important thing is to be honest to your children , my parents were not completely honest to me and it hurt me a lot growing up it does not meen that I am not gratefull and that I do not love them , going to a counselor is a good idea if that would help you to tell them , I believe a kid is ready when she/he starts asking questions a child will always feel something no matter how much love they get .

[@boldlybrittany8853]

Her children know that they are adopted, they always have known.

[@ga6589]

@@boldlybrittany8853 Adoptees can struggle with intense emotional issues and feelings of abandonment, even if they've always known they were adopted. Adoptive parents need to understand and validate those feelings their children may have. Sometimes adoptees bury or hide their emotions as they're afraid of hurting their adoptive parents.

[@boldlybrittany8853]

@@ga6589 100% I totally agree, I was referring to when Sarah said about going to a counsellor when Phil and Alex “tell” the girls.

[@70Colleen]

I have one natural born and one adopted child, Heather and Jeff, respectively. I told him from an early age he was adopted by singing songs to him that had the word adopt in it when I was rocking him or putting him to bed. He never realized what the word meant truly until about 4 years old when he asked "Did I come from your tummy?" This ended well, as he is now 42, has met his biological Mom and we all have a great relationship. God knows who is supposed to be the Mom raising the child, much as He knows when to bring that adoption story full-circle. I am actually closest to my son, as my daughter was always and still is a Daddy's girl. As brother and sister they are thick as thieves and much of this is the fact that they were raised as equals - it never appeared to them that adoption was better nor vice-versa in any of our conversations or discussions.

[@conniebarnes7987]

The children is one reason I watch your videos. I am 67 years old and love watching the girls. But if you are showing them less and only discussing your adoptions and IVF then I have no need to subscribe 🙏

[@kierstenkelly8275]

I think you guys are good parents you have raised your girls well and they are becoming strong beautiful inside and out.we need more parents like you both also I think you are doing the right thing about keeping the girls adoption private because any body could be rude about your girls and try to break you down twist your words make you feel like your not good parents to the girls anyways just wanted to say is I'm on your side also I love watching your videos too

[@haileydawn1271]

We looked into adoption and joined some groups and listened to some adoptees. This one group talks about the trauma of adoption, long term goals, reunification, therapy, etc. I definitely recommend getting the girls as well as yourselves some therapy. They talk about the ‘fog’ that adoptees go through, they can think they weren’t good enough that’s why mommy left them, among many many other things. I joined adoption: facing realities on Facebook and I value all of the responses of all the former foster youths, adoptive parents, adoptive kids, etc. Their story is their story, you don’t need to disclose anything.

[@dacemorrison4481]

I found out I was adopted at 11 right after my adoptive mom suddenly passed I believe it's the right thing you do they already know there's no secrets. As for me I'm 37 and don't know my birth mom or anybody and nobody telling me and it's painful to just not have the answers or even just knowing my blood family . For me my mom and dad is always going to be my adoptive parents they all I know. But it is hard to not know You doing great job with all 3 girls

[@cathyhopkinson865]

I know at one time, they got to see their birth Mom’s, I can’t remember if both did or just one. Anyways, are they still able to have a relationship of some sort with birth Mom’s? Just curious of how well this works. Back in the day, there was so much secrecy surrounding adoption within the family and curious if that was the best way to keep things or not. You guys rock as parents, never forget that!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️