Our Favorite Ways To Kiss | Chosen Family Podcast

This episode, the fam discuss their stance on parental names used in bed, the hair and fashion obsession to gay pipeline, whether or not to come out when you’re in a straight-passing relationship, and our favorite hand positions when kissing someone.
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[@nataliehubbard6568]

Ashley labeling Alayna’s clothing journey as “humanizing” absolutely killed meeeeeee

[@chelister27]

Lmao looking any excuse to be less attracted to her 😂

[@DDD2323-z5i]

I don’t know where these words come from in her mind but she always chooses the perfect one for a comedic moment 😂😂😂 truly a natural talent trained well

[@Over.thewillow]

She was talking about the fact that alaynas not perfect

[@kate4658]

Ashley just slowly sinking into the couch 😂

[@bellahawthorn4575]

Becoming one with the couch

[@justjulss8365]

i wanna point out how mak has gotten so comfy on the pod on the first episode’s she was usually pretty quiet but now she’s sharing sm, being vulnerable and making some fire jokes :))

[@nicolewebb1649]

Yesss! I’ve been noticing too and loving it! Our son is growing up so fast! 🤣😂🤣

[@howdyshell123]

I’m a queer woman in a het passing marriage. I also realized my queerness in my late 20s, so kind of a late bloomer. When I realized I’m queer, I struggled with wanted to come out but not knowing if I should. What I finally landed on was telling the people closest to me who I knew would love and support me, and then just being myself around everyone else. I put a little pride sticker on my car, and if my uncle that I didn’t actually come out to noticed it he hasn’t brought it up to me. If LGBTQ+ stuff comes up at a party one of my friends is hosting, I’ll talk about it as honestly as I can. If someone outright asks me about my sexuality, I won’t lie. But I’m not necessarily telling every single person I know. If it comes up, it comes up, but the most important people know and that’s what matters to me.

[@bethyberryy]

I finally just settled on the same conclusion for myself about a 2 years ago. There are a few family members who I will tell when I'm in a serious relationship but until then, I come out to those who I want to and answer questions and bring it up in conversations when I feel is a good time. Lovely to hear from someone who has decided on the same solution. Much love

[@More13Feen]

I am in a straight passing marriage but it feels very queer to me and I am happy with it. We have kids too. And I have zero motivation to date. But my partner always knew I am pansexual and we don't value monogamie very highly. So I don't feel limited by my mariage to a man at all.

[@marian96ful]

Omg you guys, I also realized Im bi last year in my het marriage and feel exactly the same! I want to stay in my marriage so it feels sort of weird to do a big come out, but I have told the people closest to me. Love that there are more people like me!

[@JoeyONeil]

Love how the family dynamic is advertised as "Mommy, Daddy, Baby" but in actuality is "Old Man, 12-Year-Old, Dog" ♥

[@tinaspvalizada2251]

i think old man and a 12 year old is the same person ahahah Mak is a tiktoker. so it goes: Old 12 year-old man, tiktoker and a dog😂

[@toritempo]

Ashley was so chill this episode. The whole vibe was cozy. Love you all.

[@MarkCalise]

I'm bi and was in a straight passing marriage until I came out as a gender fluid trans femme (AMAB), and then I was in a lesbian passing marriage until she passed away from long term liver disease a little over a year ago. When I still thought I was a man, I came out to my mom when she made a kinda biphobic comment. She said she could understand people who were gay because you could have a same sex couple that were committed, but she thought a bi person had to sleep around. She had made that comment before and I had tried to explain without explicitly coming out and it just didn't stick. So this time I came out and explained that I was attracted to both men and women and I was in a committed relationship with my wife. I don't think she's ready to have the discussion about polyamory. So my advice is, if you're in a safe place and are no longer dependent on your parents and are willing to risk your relationship with them, come out to them, you might change their mind about queer people.

[@venlak2899]

sending you hugs

[@Lion-ik6lv]

thank you for sharing

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

Thanks for sharing all the love ❤️

[@madisoncawdron2910]

Just imagine a chosen family tour like this podcast live and the audience could ask questions instead of listener write in

[@Lion-ik6lv]

I'm ready

[@noahalexis3100]

I love how comfy and seriously you talk about bisexuality.

[@juliettegaufreteau1728]

I feel like coming out doesn't exclusively reach for validation, appreciation or acceptance but also that sometimes we just want to be seen and considered for who we are entirely, even if it comes with rejection. Not being able to be completely yourself and perceived like it is a form of violence - especially if you hear disturbing and hurtful comments regularly from your close circle. Some of us would rather be out and excluded than in the closet and 'included'. Coming out often comes with cutting ties. (French gal here, excuse my english, love u all

[@juliettegsl1363]

I absolutely agree with u, personally it felt like a weight on my chest and at some point I was just like « fuck it, like it or not I’m gay, I just wanna be living and respecting who I truly am. » (I’m also french btw and got the same name, have a good day people :))

[@user-df3kp9nn7b]

@Ville You okay?

[@user-df3kp9nn7b]

@Ville Alright, I’ll tell you about how many fists like me were in you were many times for fist fighting so I’ve been in some fist fights I don’t know if I want to be one of you whoever us is so I’ll go ahead and tell about how I’m probably not one of you us

[@rruysch]

thats just validating yourself though. id still call that validation, its just not coming from someone else.

[@juliettegaufreteau1728]

@@rruysch maybe, I haven't thought of it like that, but if being able to feel complete and true to yourself is self-validation then yeah i agree

[@bakicci]

I WAS THE PONYTAIL KID AND THIS CHECKS OUT didnt know about this thanks for psychoanalyzing me

[@Subscriberfromwayback]

Me tooooo

[@user-gh1pj3tr5t]

I also wore an absurdly tight ponytail until I was 20, when it went to a men's cut🤣 this story cracked me up cause I really didn't know that anyone else did this🤣🤣🤣

[@ddt9164]

Me too and I need to know the science behind this

[@CalCondiff]

It’s Ashley and Alayna being over with being called mommy and daddy more and more each episode for me😂

[@tjwithersauthor]

I love these conversations sooooo much. they're literally at dinner time in my timezone - even better. oh wait oh nooo, I just realised Mak forgot to put on the pink shirt! :'(

[@volom6473]

I guess we know the favorite parent...

[@crystalunplugged8532]

I’m studying art therapy rn and Alayna sounds so much like a therapist - did she major is psych in college or something? It’s wild!

[@Lolajoy27]

She used to teach something called mindfulness self compassion, she mentions it in episode 3

[@silverhoneycat]

How does 40 minutes go by SO FAST?! Binge watched every episode last weekend so I was VERY ready for today's. Ladies... questions I didn't know I had, were answered. I can't imagine how many others like me are just LIVING in this niche. These talks are a family affair I can get behind!~ So much love!🥰

[@Celeste_779]

yo what's your pfp flag? I feel like I've seen it before

[@melodyluppino7584]

Well that just spoke directly to me. I'm 32 in a het-passing marriage and have been slowly coming out the last two years. My advice is that it doesn't have to be to your whole family all at once. Have a cool aunt you think will be supportive? Start there. Or maybe a cousin who has some queer friends or at least more understanding of queer issues through media. Then they can help you have a little more insight on how other family members might react.

[@kennedyeckels4492]

I’m 23 and I feel like I’m literally growing as a person with Mak because everything she says is just like…SAME

[@derikanolen8201]

I was married to my husband and I did realize I preferred women and thought it safe to say so but ended up in a situation that almost took my life and I no longer can trust men and had a very hard time opening up to anyone but I’m 49 now and I basically have come around to say f@&$ it and just be myself. Now when I was in my 20’s I had no one to come out too because gay was wrong so I try to be there for the young crowd to be there for support

[@skyla.rainsmith8360]

Omg the ponytail in elementary school thing! I can relate! I didnt know that was a thing

[@emilylynch7278]

12:24 bro that ponytail to gay pipeline hit so hard. I had my hair in a ponytail or braid every single day from elementary to freshman year. My sophomore year I cut my hair to shoulder length. My junior year I cut my hair “boy length”

[@TheEnchantedBesom]

So as your chosen family "cousin" 37 year old bi femme Jen in a het passing marriage, I literally feel like you made this episode for me. 🤣 Lol I will say about the coming out question, as someone in basically the same position, it's not worth it to me. My husband knows, many of my friends know, and I feel comfortable being myself. Granted both my parents and in-laws live several states away (5+ hour drive), so I don't see them often. I go to pride events and post it on social media, so I know they all see it, but no one has said anything to me about it. Which, whatever. I'm going to continue to be happy and live my life how I want. 🤷‍♀️

[@mynameisb4020]

As a bisexual whose never dated and come out to a somewhat homophobic family, here’s my take on this. With coming out I have always been extremely lucky, I am young enough that most people in my generation do not care. I had a best friend come out freshman year of high school so when I finally realized i was queer two years later i was okay with the idea after having spent the last 2 years learning to try and be an ally. I came out hours after i realized it. a few years later i came out to my siblings and turns out my brother was also bi. at some points i thought it would be okay to come out and at others i thought there’s no point unless im in a serious relationship bc i might still end up marrying a man. i knew my parents were very catholic but they were always supportive so i felt at peace being queer in my home for the first year. then Trump got elected, i know my parents voted for him, and they started saying homophobic shit at home all of the sudden when I had never so much as heard the word gay at home. I hated them for years and I did undergrad at home bc once this all happened it was too late to apply to schools outside my home town. i was miserable but my sister ensured me they would always love me it was a very complicated feeling. my older brother did what i myself had planned to do, finish college, get a job, and come out. he told me the next morning that it was fine. so while i wasn’t ready to come out i figured nothing bad would happen so i should just rip off the band-aid. i regretted this for a long time. i ended up coming out about a week after my brother bc i kept chickening out. They said they’d always love me but that “they had their own values but they understood my generation was different”. i didn’t know how to feel about this but i figured they just needed time to adjust. i went from quietly being the most gay version of myself to openly being the least gay version for my parents. after about 6 months i wanted to test the waters and make a gay joke (almost an anti-gay joke really) that i didn’t want the converse with the rainbow patch because they were too gay and was met with awkward uncomfortable silence and i knew pushing myself into being quiet wasn’t going to change their minds at all and i stopped. i was angry and sad all the time. eventually i just had to ask what they meant and they confirmed that they loved me but that gay marriage was wrong. so i was miserable and locked in their house for the pandemic and didn’t start to feel okay until i moved out for grad school. we’re in a weird place now. it’s been 3 years since my brother and i came out and being queer is just the thing we don’t talk about. i buried those feelings because they were going to bury me. As soon as I finish school and have time for therapy i want to seek that out and work on our relationship bc i really love my parents but they are not perfect.

[@gduffey2615]

Thank you for adding this perspective! Your phrasing of shifting from being quietly the gayest version of yourself to openly being the least gay version around your family really resonated with me. I'm bi and have not come out to my family because I expect it will go similarly to what it sounds like you experienced. My parents are very religious/homophobic to the point where the idea that their children could be queer would never occur to them. They are too clueless to catch onto any expressions of my queerness now, which allows me to express myself as freely as I want short of explicitly telling them I'm queer. I'm keeping things that way for now, because I think coming out will force me to become "openly the least gay version" with my family to make them comfortable. I hope your relationship with your family evolves to something that allows you to be the version of yourself that you want to express, and/or you find a chosen family that supports you regardless!

[@MichelleKelly1698]

“Nobody likes you when you’re 23” 🎵 followed by the little smirk and silence 😂

[@NewtAfterDark]

I am genuinely so happy that I found your podcast by random chance, aka. KZbin recommendations. At first I was unsure if the things you'd talk about in your Podcast would be "for me" as you are three lesbian cis women and I am I am a gay trans guy - but MAN, have there been so many things that really punched me in the soul & made me reflect on the fact that there is a LOT in our experiences that overlap. Like this episode, when it was about being afraid to self-actualize. I think a lot of folks who were assigned female at birth have had to deal with family members taking away their agency when it came to expressing themselves with clothes and hair. In my case, I remember the obsession of older folks insisting that my hair HAS to be long otherwise I would not be "pretty". And if I wouldn't dress in a specific way that I would be 1) a disappointment because they couldn't show me off as a prime "daughter" and 2) they would get aggressive over their view of me as a person getting challenged. I let family dress me for a long time in fear of not being "lovable" any more, but I was miserable for so long. I did not understand why at the time, because all I had known was non-existent agency over myself (and I hadn't even realized that I was trans yet either)... but after some years of therapy and moving out from home I actually realized what had been going on. Once you manage to get away from what keeps you from being yourself, physically and/or mentally, things will get better. I know that now, thankfully. And I'll say this - figuring out the balance in where my gender-expression lies has been so exciting! Yeah, it's hard and sometimes it hits you with dysphoria when something doesn't work for you, but ooooh man when you get it right it's so good!! I for one realized that I like to just dress like a mismatched puzzle made of masc, femme & neutral clothes. Some days it's more masc, some days it's more femme - and that doesn't take away from me being a trans guy! I know you all said before that you can't really speak for trans folks, but know that I feel very much seen and understood when I listen to you three. So yeah, from a gay trans guy to you three wonderful lesbians - thank you for this podcast that really makes me listen & reflect on a lot of queer things.

[@Shoot4AlarmFire]

Same! Only I am asexual/aromantic, so why would I want to listen a pod about queer sex?? But I do and I love it! This is my favorite space on the Internet!

[@bekahharmon8658]

Thank god for insomnia keeping me up for these episode drops

[@lyric6719]

real

[@mahakhamidd]

so real

[@JustinGrays]

Feels

[@kaylinmays3041]

I live in Japan so for me staying up for these is not hard

[@piperw17]

Yes thank thank goodness for this bulging rib to keep me alert I’ve been wait for two days because I forgot what day it was.

[@teresaspish6756]

Adding to the coming-out conversation. I'm a pansexual woman in a straight-passing marriage. I've decided to be selectively out. I am out to my family and friends. I've never openly discussed it with my spouse's family or my coworkers. I didn't feel like it would add anything to my life to have these conversations where I know my in-laws wouldn't fully understand. It never seemed worth possibly damaging those relationships. I also had an ex-boyfriend's parents claim that I was more likely to cheat on him because of my orientation, so I think that has made me more cautious. (FUN FACT: that ex actually cheated on me multiple times during our relationship.)

[@Alice-zs3eh]

That little ‘love you’ from Mak right at the end 😂 so cute

[@Mango-ly2dx]

I think with the bi coming out question, sometimes the reason for wanting to come out is just not wanting to hide anymore. Feeling like you can actually be yourself around other people, even if they don't have a great reaction, can make someone feel more comfortable and like they can be themself. Having that weight lifted can be a reason for coming out and not have to worry about pretending to be someone else around other people

[@abbz7455]

You asked for the cousins, (or whatever we are), to write in, so here's my personal take as a bi woman married to a man, with some homophobic family. The members of my family that I thought would accept me, I came out to this year. (It's also very interesting how many family members came out as bi to me after I did!) I don't know why I felt the need to tell them. Maybe it was to just be more authentic to who I am, and validate that they would accept me for me. The family that thinks anything gay is a sin, I don't talk about it to. The downside of that is, while I maintain a relationship with those family members, it is not as close as the ones I can be out to. Maybe with time more and more of them will become accepting. I think a big problem is, I feel like people will ask me why any of this matters, since I am married to a man. And I don't know why. It just does. Also the point about my relationship being straight passing, but still somehow a queer relationship, I find that to be very true. It's a very unique and special dynamic. Thank you for talking about bi issues, because I already half the time don't feel gay enough to listen to this podcast, but I keep coming back to it because you guys are awesome!

[@andiegwilt357]

You are gay enough to be here, thanks for sharing

[@1SophieDEF1]

You are totally gay enough to be here! I'm glad you're at least able to be out to some of your family. I hope that the others can someday become more accepting too ♥️ May I ask if those who came out as bi in return tended to be younger? I have a younger cousin who is also queer but older members of my family feel very heterosexual.

[@abbz7455]

@@1SophieDEF1 It was a surprisingly wide range of ages.

[@abbz7455]

Thanks guys, for making me feel included. It's definitely a struggle.

[@skyecovington5130]

I started out the bi-ponytail-masc-guy, now I'm HAPPILY a bi-sometimes-ponytail-fem woman and I haven't been happier in life! Coming out to my extreme right-wing family was the hardest thing I've ever done. Luckily for me, the ones most important in my life are still around. I'm one of the lucky ones. Btw "cousin" is also an honorific that royal families give one another when addressing each other.

[@amandaodom5732]

As a 22 year old I relate so much to what Mak was saying about figuring out what you like now vs what you have fond memories for, especially when the memories don’t match with how things are currently. I also had that apply to exes as well, where I’d be reminiscing and realize I didn’t miss the person, I just missed the simplicity and lack of stress at that time in life. Also this question immediately hit for me because while I’m sexually attracted to men and women, I’m only romantically attracted to men, so it feels like it’s not worth coming out to my more homophonic/religious family over, especially because if I’m in a relationship or going through a dry spell of not sleeping with anyone it feels like there’s no point to sharing about my sexuality

[@jamie-rs8lj]

you know what? i'm proud of ashley for letting Alayna and Mak top more in this episode

[@Meg111011]

Ashley not verbally plugging her pod but having the sign behind her.. lol

[@mkt7301]

I really thought I was the only person who ever had the “mom buying all my clothes” and fear of self actualizing thing- and it was really an important shift!!

[@snemehta3274]

About the coming out as bi question, as a person who identified as bi for a long time and came out to my family (and came out later on as trans), there's also a possibility that they will dismiss it entirely and say you're just confused or pretend you're just straight anyways, and that can be deeply hurtful in other ways. even if all you're looking for is for your family to , that doesn't mean that they will accept that knowledge, so i think the question for that person is kind of whether they are in a place to be okay with all the potential outcomes, and also what "worth it" means to them

[@yohitmanbang8516]

i'm in a sort of odd situation where i go to a very liberal, progressive boarding school in a very conservative town. while i'm comfortable "presenting gay" at my school, i often find myself sort of afraid to be explicitly gay when i go downtown. even though i could put my life in danger by being too up front about my sexuality, i don't completely avoid it. in this situation i feel more inclined to be myself because its something i don't have the opportunity to do in my hometown. so returning to the question of "is it worth coming out in an unsafe environment?" i think in some situations there's freedom in no longer having to hide that part of yourself even if you're risking something for it.

[@nathanmoranx2105]

In Ireland some of the younger half of life people say 'this is sending me', 'I will send you' and it is a good thing and this episode totally sent me.

[@Samisinthecity]

As a mom I absolutely hate the idea of someone calling me “mommy” in bed. I don’t want to attach a sexual experience to the part of my identity that is connected to my child. No shame to anyone who feels differently because not everyone is going to associate it the same way. But that’s just something that I would absolutely not enjoy.

[@kaytlindorris4553]

“no one like you when you’re 23” bc that’s the year everyone enters the twelfth house of perfection. the astrology girlies gotchu (:

[@kyndramb7050]

That's exactly what Blink 182 was talking about.

[@sugarnsquats6934]

Wednesday is my favorite day of the week! The banter, the laughs, the empathy... LOVE IT ALL 🥰

[@TheYougosara]

The more episodes I watch, the more the chemistry evolves. Love it.

[@sarah.mae531]

"you're in your early 20s" "oh is that what that is?" 😂felt that one mak

[@KrisCarlson-lb9sj]

how does every single episode resonate so hard? ugh love yall

[@mrfredbasset]

I love Ashley’s advice for coming out and I 100% agree. Only come out when it’s safe to do it and you feel comfortable. You never know how someone will react. I have a gay uncle and my mother is always singing his and his partner’s praises how much she loves them. So I didn’t think twice coming out to her as Bi and it didn’t go well. I ended up not speaking to her for 5 years. And now that we’ve reconnected it’s just something we avoid and pretend never happened

[@JuMixBoox]

Your kissing talk drove home to me how long it's been since I did that. For some reason, because talking about sex is always theoretical to me I don't ever get that feeling there, but when you talked about kissing positions I genuinely couldn't remember how I ever kissed and that did something to me.

[@elabrum4187]

always look forward to these episode drops! thank you three for creating an accepting environment for everyone through these videos :))

[@cass.henschel8728]

It's ramping up the cult vibes calling us cousins😂😂😂

[@lexie4713]

people are always surprised when i say that i’m gay. they say u dress straight and i hate it so much. what does the way i dress have anything to do with my sexuality. it bothers me so much and people just don’t stop with their unnecessary comments. i wish more people my age were more accepting of it and i’m hoping it gets better as i get older because i am only 16

[@fangbanger1719]

Ashley giving us free feet content, how generous of her

[@kiranrao621]

elena's voice is so comforting

[@frankiestein9557]

Alayna*

[@stellaturnnidge9408]

Me: I'm not gay I'm bi Also me: * watches the newest ep of chosen family within the first 10 mins of it dropping *

[@giovanaafonso1868]

omg the clothes talk was so relatable, i 'm just like alayna was saying, everything i have is donation and gifts from people, but i lack a sense of style and self expression, but i'm also trying to change that now that i came out, idk why is connected but it's, i guess the closet that i was in was for my whole self and not just only for my sexuality

[@valentinafernandapalacios9651]

i'm a bisexual woman in a straight passing relationship. For me, it is also really important to be seen as queer because otherwise i don't feel like people are truthly validating my identity. I came out to my friends first, but it got to a point where i needed to tell someone in my family about it. over the years i've been bringing to the table the topic of sexuality, gender identity, just to know how my family reacts to it, and a few moths ago i decided to tell my mom, who over the time i've seen changing her mind on the topic, being more open to it, and it went great. sadly, i cant say that about my father or brothers, because i don't think they would be that accepting about it, and because i'm in this relationship with a man, i dont feel or have the need to come out to them yet, just as you say, i dont see the value on doing that now. Of course i want to tell them sometime, but maybe not this year nor the next one, maybe in a couple years forward when i'm out of this house living in my own

[@tovezuiderveen4234]

Alayna's description of refusing to care about dressing herself describes my experience of gender dysphoria as a trans woman exactly. Learning to dress yourself and love what you wear is such a liberating queer experience

[@haisal2846]

🤣💀💀💀💀Mak putting her finger in the mouth 💀am howling dead

[@tiffanyseide1582]

I just found this podcast and have been listening for the last 6 hours. I've had more therapy listening than I've had in the last 20 yrs. (41/F/pan) I feel seen. thank you for what ya'll do.

[@schrys2005]

Damn thats why i love u guys...I never thought anyone else relates to what u said about clothing and not caring about it before 🥺

[@hurricanecatrina9548]

17:40 Ashley has the sweetest, proudest little smile at Mak right now 😭😭❤️

[@GloryDay225]

re: 29:25, Alayna I'm glad you said that because I got on a weird corner of tiktok recently where a bunch of people absolutely jumped down my throat because I said exactly what you just said. They said if you're a cis woman dating a cis man, that is a straight relationship regardless of whether you're bi/queer/whatever. I fundamentally disagree with and resent that sentiment and let's just say I was not in likeminded company and was made to feel like I'm simply not up to date on what the "correct" takes are.

[@Em-di3jq]

I’m sorry, but Alaynas wrong... it is a straight relationship. You have the comfort of being able to hold hands in public without looks or fear of homophobic attacks. It’s not the same thing. If a bunch of people are “jumping down your throat” and there weren’t any “likeminded people” maybe that’s saying something💁‍♀️...You have privilege. Period.

[@tris5602]

I'm in a straight passing marriage: my husband is queer and I'm non-binary. We'd been married for two or three years before I came out. I honestly don't think either of my parents or the majority of my siblings even know what that means, but it was important to me. Ultimately, I needed people to know the truth even if it didn't make sense to them or they didn't understand it. It's a part of me, and I have a right to take up space, so I do.

[@andy-ff5pv]

I had a similar situation, dating a man and deciding whether or not come out to my family, in my case it was just my mom. I needed to feel valid in my orientation and be myself but at the same time I knew it was going to be this big, painful experience, so I didn't come out, I found my validation in other ways, such as being out to my siblings, friends and boyfriend, and having a space on the internet to be myself without attaching my name to it. It took me breaking up with said boyfriend for me to come out to my mom, and it went exactly as I thought it would. The first thing she did was say bisexuality wasn't real. If I was still dating him that would've been such a bigger nightmare. So idk, maybe sometimes waiting is the best option. But I'm glad I don't have to hide anything anymore.

[@tristezaeternal]

The last two episodes Ashley is just glowing, I feel weird saying this bc in the previous episode she shared about having health issues :c And in this episode she looked so cozy, and in general the vibe was so comfy, love it

[@Green-88]

@Ville dude. Shut up.

[@Grounded_Gravity]

Addressing the coming out question - my husband and I are bi and polyamorous and both have very different views on outness. Both are valid, but they can clash at times and we are still figuring it out. I'll share them both in case they're helpful. His father is homophobic, and if he ever finds out about either of us that relationship will be OVER. His mom has terminal cancer and he has lost two stepfathers, so for him he wants to keep his father since he will be my husband's only parent at some point. He also thinks of his queerness as privileged information that only trusted people get to know, not a source of shame. He doesn't really have much shame attached to it, but for him the effort required for discretion is worth reducing the stigma he would have to deal with. My parents aren't homophobic, but I don't think they will love the poly piece. For me, I'd rather just share it all at once or not at all (partially because that way I probably won't get invalidated on the bi piece). They're currently giving us some financial support bc I will be earning less in the near future to complete a counseling internship. So I'm waiting until we are totally financially independent to come out, but I do plan to do so when the time is right because I went through many damaging years of shame and suppression, so being fully authentic without censoring or hiding myself is important for my mental health. Until then, at least I have plenty of community and spaces where I can fully be myself and be seen for who I am! I hope the writer will find the right path for their own needs and circumstances. 💕

[@Callie_Oop]

Ashley's comment about being touched near the corner of her mouth is so validating! I have the exact same thing and I've never heard anybody mention it before!

[@rush_amanda]

100% what Alayna said about the seasons!!! I love it too it legit makes me feel alive and energized lol

[@caleef5206]

waking up feels easier when i have this podcast to help lol

[@naestse4786]

Mail has peak golden retriever energy. Alayna has more what I call “Labrador energy”. Not quite as oblivious as a golden, but still a simple, dependable pup.

[@mil6046]

I love how Ashley sits and listens to Mak and Alena so contently and invested in what they have to say🥰🥹💗 so wholesome

[@mil6046]

It is very beautiful 🥰🥹

[@emilybristow6611]

Love this podcast, currently bingeing alllll the episodes. As for coming out as bisexual when in a straight-passing marriage, i felt the need to come out to some family members who I felt would be supportive. My parents would never be homophobic towards me if they knew, but they're older and fairly conservative so I felt like it was best to leave it alone. That being said, I'm 32 and if I had come to this point at a younger age I would've probably felt more pressure to be open with my parents so I felt like I could include them in my 💫journey💫

[@conlon4332]

11:52 I'm British, so losing £50 with those ads definitely sounds accurate, haha!

[@kaisims8366]

So as a pansexual enby, it was very important to me to come out to my very homophobic mother. Very soon after I was married and in a straight passing relationship, it was just eating me up inside. It felt like I was hiding from her, in fear. I didn't want her validation. I didn't feel like she "needed" to know. I was just so sick of thinking back to all the times she would say very homophobic, problematic things to me, and my siblings. And tied up in all those memories was the guilty feeling that I didn't speak up. I just wanted to finally say the things and make her understand that "those people" she always talked about were siting beside her as she said all those awful things. I just didn't want her to keep saying the shit she was to my younger siblings and other people around her without thinking " oh wait, they might be gay." I was prepared to burn that bridge. (honestly I had already burned that bridge) I just wanted to take that chance to be the first one to say, hey think before you make an offhand comment about how "You shouldn't wear that. Do you want to look gay? etc" because I had to deal with that shit for years while I knew I was queer. I did it for my family, and the hope that if they do come out, at least she's already been exposed to it, and might be better about the language she uses.

[@amusiclover7340]

I related so hard to the beginning about self actualization and wearing what you want. I never bothered dressing myself besides casual pants and t shirts, mostly because I felt that I had to hide even though I didn’t realize it was comphet. Clothing never felt comfortable on me so I decided to wear more neutral things because it was tolerable. During 2020 is when I realized and I finally began dressing in a way that feels the most me. It’s how I’ve always wanted to dress even when I was a kid and I’m aware that clothes don’t belong to one group or the other but I was afraid of “dressing gay” or in a way that might’ve prompted negative attention. So seeing other people on the internet dress how I’ve wanted to and be free combined with Alayna’s Masterdoc video helped me slowly be more comfortable with myself. So just wanted to say thank you to everyone for what you do and your hard work. I now happily dress like a fruity Pillsbury Doughboy and I’ve never felt more me :D

[@fangbanger1719]

Hey Mak, I love how we can see you coming to yourself in a fashion sense on TikTok and KZbin! I always notice this when I watch old content of yours, your fashion game is on point nowadays. Speaking of style, you should tell me where you got your necklace from.

[@Makingemi]

hi! thank you :,) my style has evolved a lot as i’ve become more comfortable. my necklace is actually from a local shop near me, but if you look up “sterling silver chain” i’m sure you can find one like it!

[@bethdavisjimenez]

can you please make these episodes longer? I love listening to you all speak. I too love playing with my undercut when it's nice and short.

[@kelreneegranger]

PONYTAIL PIPELINE!!!! I used to take the hair-tie out of my hair and the amount of gel I would use to slick it back would hold the ponytail part up😭

[@RangerandRick]

What mak was saying ab the ponytail to gay pipeline - I am currently 15 turning 16 in less than a month and i would only wear ponytails for the first 2 years of middle school. But then i noticed bc of my curly hair it would get way to frizzy so i stopped. Then i started putting it in a bun (where is is still currently, every moment of the day unless i am actively washing it) and i have wanted to cut my hair since i was 12 but 1. i dont know what would not look bad with my face shape and just overall what i look like 2. I have never not had my hair up so imagining it being to short to put up makes me excited but terrified and 3. My mom always said i couldnt get a big chop but never told me why and then publicly announced (for the first time ever might i add which was embarrasing bc it made me feel like they were going to think i was trying to make her look bad bringing it up when i was just truly upset about it) infront of family when i brought it up that it was just because i was "to young" . But i feel like when i was young was the best time bc i wasnt as worried ab how people felt ab my looks at the time and i could have found what was right so much sooner. Anyways now that i am "old enough" i still cant bc my father and his side of the family are so against me getting it cut bc its "so Beautiful" even though they only see it when its in a bun and so slicked back that you could see my thoughts. Anyways sorry for making this so long but it hurts so much that i cant be myself or find myself until i am older and it is something i think about everyday but have noone to talk to about this also sorry if there are any typos i litterally stayed up through the night watching this podcast bc of how safe it makes me feel and how much i relate 😅

[@UnusVita]

You guys are killing me. Speaking my own deepest held inner thoughts back to me like other people experience it is...I don't even know how to express how it feels

[@Cam-my9jb]

As someone from a hyper conservative background, plus having been engaged to a man, realizing I'm queer and trying to find a way to validate myself whilst being in a seemingly traditional relationship was super important. I needed to separate myself from my past and the toxicity of it, whilst appearing to be in a traditional relationship with a man. We've since separated, and I'm on my own journey, but yeah, having a chosen family to help validate you and tell you your feelings are important is sooo special and needed

[@danielasat4563]

Alayna is definitely a golden retriever lesbian. Loved this episode, happy new year!!

[@ambiguousaesthetic4170]

Honestly Ashley gives me burmese. All the lovingness and warmth of a dog but with the class and gentleness and sweetness of a cat

[@tuesdaysdt]

Aaaaare we not gonna talk about Fulton making biscuits and how sweetly he looks up at Ashley?????? It’s the sweetest thing so GD cute 🥰🥰

[@annabelapurva-madhuri4861]

I appreciate how good you guys are at listening and holding space. It’s a rare thing!

[@handsomesquidward7081]

OMFG THE AIR THING YESSS the crisp air and the "i feel like i can walk in the grass barefoot and just lay in the grass" air when winter becomes spring omg alayna wanna be my wifey??👉👈

[@madisoncawdron2910]

Hey thanks every week this podcast just gives me slightly more joy and honestly the way i think is it’s nearly Wednesday then you can watch chosen family

[@caitlinwhisenhunt1341]

The clothing thing has been huge for me and didn't even realize it was me being scared to present how I want until recently. I never had a style and kind of dressed more fem. Now that I'm out, I've been experimenting with more masc looks and I think I'm finally realizing I was so scared of that for so long. I didn't want people to think I was gay I guess? I wasn't ready. Idk but I can relate a ton!!

[@lulustrawberry8634]

I love how Alayna and Ashley are like NO MAK … NO.. NOT IN THE MOUTH that made me crack up so hard because they sounded like parents telling their child what not to do 😂😂

[@Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamanda]

Fulton making biscuits 😭😭😭😻❤️

[@coffeegal810]

Did anyone else notice that Ashley didn't mention "the other pod"? 😂

[@rachaelkuhn6969]

I was playing this while I was driving and every time I was at a red light and glanced down, Ashley was lower and more melted into the couch. 😂

[@hollyolson3854]

I don’t know if I like how Ashley keeps trying to put her other podcast in the background.. in the first few episodes Alayna expressed that she shouldn’t be doing that. Have you all come to an agreement

[@pariahcovers5893]

I am a persian bisexual woman and I feel SUPER REPRESENTED by mak naming our food one by one. Loved it. 10/10 I'm having finals right now and I've watched ten episodes in a row to keep myself awake. Thank you so much for doing this.

[@LeeHasBeenTiredSince02]

Thank you for doing this podcast. Life's been really hard lately and my actual family is being weird too so you guys feel like a safe place for me to go to 💙

[@robynweyeneth1531]

Currently 26 and this is the hardest year of my twenties by far 😅 so much being unpacked

[@definitelynotdia7532]

Saw the title and hit watch SO FAST

[@saraxadam3659]

I came out to everyone when I was still a minor, financially dependent, etc. because I choose chaos lol. No but while I admit the better advice is to prioritize your safety, I do think there's something to be said about the brazen approach. Like: this is me, 100%, take it or leave it. It truncated the process, not to mention the fact that I didn't make a big deal out of it probably diffused the situation in a way; like it let them know that I was comfortable with myself and with being myself in our community for a reason. Or something. You know?

[@virgilmcclendon5072]

Very funny and informative. I liked the laid-back feeling and hope it was not because your hip was hurting. As usual, it was awesome. You ladies blend together so well. I loved it.

[@katysassara1324]

I think it’s not just a matter of being dismissed by the husbands family and not having that part of you validated, but also a fear of being perceived as a threat to their son. I am a bisexual woman in a relationship with a straight man, and having had this conversation several times with several people - my partner’s mother, my cousin who’s son is in a relationship with a bi woman, etc - every time the immediate response has been fear that this means their son will be cheated on. There’s such an stigma around bisexuality as being hyper-promiscuous that in my experience the first response has always been to be perceived as an unreliable partner and I’ve had to have that conversation several times. Luckily in my instance every time I’ve had this conversation it has been positive and productive, but I know that will not be the case for everyone

[@samanthahammett9178]

Ashley just looking at Alayna and Mak (but especially Mak) with this wise admiration… like so happy for Mak and so interested in what she’s saying but also recognizing where she is and that being in your 20s sucks. So wholesome. 😭

[@lexylady]

Lol this was the dessert part of the catered evening Alayna is describing. It’s tiramisu, all elegant and delightful. Then Mak comes out of nowhere and says, “Not me just realizing there are lady fingers in here!” Alayna says, “Mak, you stop dissecting your dessert this instant” in her best mommy voice. Daddy Ashley just sits back in her chair with a smirk on her face saying, “That’s my boy.” 😏

[@tuvamartinsgard3402]

I love cousins!!! I think it’s perfect :)