Our Hamlet

Adam McNaughtan wrote the poem "Our Hamlet" to help his Glasgow, Scotland inner city students understand William Shakespeare's "Hamlet". McNaughton set the poem to the traditional tune "Mason's Apron". It is performed here on August 11, 2024 by thirteen-year-old Arthur Amidon with harmonies added by his grandparents Peter and Mary Alice Amidon as part of the Guilford (VT) Community Church's Variety Show. Lyrics below.
There was this king sitting in his garden all alone
When his brother in his ear poured a little bit of henbain
Stole his brother’s crown and his money and his widow,
But the dead king walked the grounds again and said “Hey listen kiddo,
I’ve been killed and it’s your duty to take revenge on Claudius,
Kill him quick and clean and tell the nation what a fraud he is.”
The kid said “Right I’ll do it, but I’ll have to play it crafty,
So that no one will suspect me I’ll kid on that I’m a dafty.”
And with all except Horatio and he counts him as a friend,
Hamlet, that’s the kid, he plays he’s round the bend,
And because he isn’t ready for obligatory killing,
He tries to make the king believe he’s tuppence off the shilling.
Takes a rise out of Polonius, treats poor Ophelia vile,
Tells Rosencranz and Guildenstern Denmark’s a bleeding jail.
Then a group of travelling actors like 784
Arrive to do a special one night gig in Elsinore.
Hamlet, Hamlet loves his Mommy,
Hamlet, Hamlet acting barmy
Hamlet, Hamlet hesitating,
Wonders if the ghost’s a cheat and that is why he’s waiting.
So Hamlet wrote a scene for the players to enact
So Horatio and he could watch to see if Claudius cracked,
The play was called the Mousetrap, not the one that’s running now,
And sure enough, the King walked out before the final bow,
Now Hamlet’s got the proof his uncle gave his Dad the dose,
The only problem being now that Claudius knows he knows,
So While Hamlet tells his mother her new husband’s not a fit one,
Uncle Claude puts out a contract with the English King as hit man.
And when Hamlet killed Polonius, the concealed corpus delecti
Was the King’s excuse to send him for an English hempen necktie,
With Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to make quite sure he got there,
But Hamlet jumped the boat and put the finger straight on that pair.
When Laertes heard his Dad had been stabbed in the aras,
He came running back to Elsinore, toute suite hot foot from Paris,
And Ophelia with her dad killed by the one she wants to marry,
After saying it with flowers she committed hari kari.
Hamlet Hamlet no messin’, Hamlet Hamlet learned his lesson,
Hamlet Hamlet, Yorick's crust
Convinced him that men, good or bad, at last must come to dust.
Then Laertes lost his place and was demanding retribution,
The King said keep your head and I’ll provide you a solution.
So he arranged a sword fight for the interested parties,
With a blunted sword for Hamlet and a sharp one for Laertes.
To make double sure (the old belt-and-braces line),
He fixed a poison sword tip and a poison cup of wine.
Well the poison sword got Hamlet but Laertes went and muffed it,
Cause he got stabbed himself and he confessed before he snuffed it
Then Hamlet’s Mummy drank the wine and as her face was turning blue,
Hamlet said, I believe the King’s a baddy through and through,
"Incestuous, murderous, damned Dane", he said to be precise,
And made up for hesitating once by killing Claudius twice.
For he stabbed him with a knife then poured the wine between his lips,
He said, ‘the rest is silence’ that was Hamlet at his chips,
They fired a volley over him that shook the topmost rafter,
And Fortinbras, knee deep in Danes, lived happy ever after.
Hamlet Hamlet ain’t it gory,
Hamlet Hamlet, end of story.
Hamlet Hamlet, I’m on my way,
If you thought that that was boring you should read the bloody play.