Out of the Doghouse: Sex Addiction, Infidelity and Betrayed Spouses

[@VanessaDayleRaeWaggoner]

My husband hates me playing these videos. I don’t care I need this played loudly for all to hear and I just don’t care how he feels anymore. 😢

[@tiffy101ification]

As I listened to this video little light bulbs were going off left & right above my head. Everything you’ve said we’ve gone through. I feel both validated and sad. The rage I feel inside sometimes frightens me. I have had extensive experience-with sexual trauma as a child & teen. Im a recovering addict. 28 yrs of marriage later my husbands sex addiction came tumbling out into the light of day. All I can say is thank you. You’ve put words to my insanity. Please continue to shed light on this difficult uncomfortable topic. Everything seems so immeshed & convoluted. I’ve been married most of my life to a man I don’t know, who allowed me to feel crazy & take all the blame & responsibility for 2 ppl. When I can only take responsibility for my part. I hope there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to be happy so much of my adult life has been the opposite.

[@KayRoseLiving]

I pray the Lord heals and comforts you in Jesus name, amen 😢🙏

[@mikemestas9835]

yea this guy touches upon stuff that can help us out hope you do alright Mam

[@monicabhagwan5594]

Thank you so much for this. So many therapists botch this process and cause additional trauma to the spouse.

[@michelleanderson7828]

Where was this 5 years ago? This was all I ever wanted - to be validated and have someone else hold him to the fire because i hated being the "parole officer"!

[@vrobinson1971]

I sooooo agree

[@TimeWastingMachine]

I love the whole thing except for the part where they said that the betrayed partner shouldn't get disclosure if the relationship is likely to end... I think the betrayed partner deserves closure and as much information as they would like.

[@Disappointment12907]

It's the least the unfaithful owes them.

[@janicebrown3282]

You spoke about everything I have been feeling. My husband and I are going to stay together. I am sending him this talk you just gave. It gives me hope. I am not going crazy it is normal for me to feel the things I have. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@Thisflippinggypsy]

Your not going crazy sweetheart! Your reaction is a normal reaction from a normal healthy mind. I am going through all of this... It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

[@bluebonnetsoftexas]

Me too

[@bls5160]

@@RavenStealstheNight First of all let me say how sorry I am for what you are going through - it just sucks that you and everyone commenting here got stuck with a selfish lying cheating immature husband. Anyway, just go to ChumpLady.com and join. You can also sign up for her email and reading that will give you strength and guidance everyday. Tracy the woman who is the creator and also had a book published too. Good Luck on taking your life back. Don't let the stupid choices he has made have any power over you anymore - you are too good for him. You are a good person that never deserved any of it. Hold your head of high and know that life will get better.

[@EllenCPickle]

@@bls5160 research malignant narsasist.,.. changed my life!!!

[@clrify]

I’m going through this too...I will not be staying ..too much gaslighting...too little trust...right now I’m getting ME back...then I will pack her bags and walk out the door with her!!!

[@mattthrasher9133]

I acted out with other women the entirety of my 18 years of marriage. I was also addicted to opiates and meth which fueled my sex addiction. Somehow through it all my wife realized that none of what I did had anything to do with not loving her. I was sick and needed help. I got clean from drugs and got treatment for sex addiction. 3 years sober and my wife and 3 boys are back together with me. So grateful. Very few marriages survive what we went through. Now that I am sober, present with her and the boys, honest in everything I do and say, our relationship better than ever. Guess I’m one of the lucky ones. The 12 step meetings I go to most if not all are no longer married or on 2nd or 3rd marriage.

[@yourenough3]

Robert Weiss is so on point. Its great that he has these opportunities for the victim

[@Liz13IamFree]

This makes me feel SO much heaviness just listening to the absolute validation of what I've been living and feeling. Such a horrible nightmare!

[@lisaMay1966]

This is my life. I'm living in a nightmare. Only for 3 years. It's time to walk away. He won't do meetings, PMO at work, refusing sex with me. Anger out of control.....list is endless but now I know it's common

[@kindlee3468]

Mr. Weiss you nailed it! I feel you are talking about my life.

[@EllenCPickle]

Me too!!!

[@carrieellen6824]

I did not want to watch this... So much Devistation, major trauma! And this video is a worth watching. If you can escape, please do.

[@cre8veheart]

This IS the best, most sobering info on this subject - I have ever heard- amazing , amazing truth- None of this is easy- It IS WHAT ANYBODY LIVING THIS NIGHTMARE AND LONLINESS NEEDS TO HEAR ty from the bottom of my heart- I , as the lonley wife of a sex addict need to know I am dealing with a monster- In this there IS HOPE for the marriage- Most importantly , a clear distinction of right & wrong behaviors

[@nr1785]

How can there be hope for your marriage if you are married to a monster?

[@fishstickbio594]

If he doesn’t see this as a problem …..you can’t do anything unfortunately !

[@eddufort]

Most sex addicts, if not all addicts, become addicted as they needed a vice to hide from unbearable pains of deep trauma, their trauma was usually a form of abandonment, never having been affirmed, appreciated, or demonstrated love, and thus developing a constant sense of not belonging, or made to feel worthless ... many were brought up from a young age having been shown that all they were, was a source of disgust ... this is the cause of their illness. Though I understand your anger, to call them monsters as opposed to ill people, misses the idea that they were never brough up with the stability, opportunity, affirmation, or safety that you had - often it was the absolute complete opposite - and these people are everywhere. But in our pain, we understandably choose not to consider that. It doesn't mean they are good for you, but it also doesn't mean they are not good people who are lost. How does a person who has been made to believe they are worthless, often at a very young age, and continuing on until they become a teen or young adult, become able to to pull themselves up by the britches? many just don't, they don't make it, look at the death rate in drug and alcohol addiction. Many do make it, but only by engaging in an exhausting lifelong battle.

[@redrogen7]

This is my current life, constant internal tug-of-war inside.

[@newearthlivingithaca]

Mr Weiss i wish i could adequately convey the value of the service you are providing. This just happened to my daughter and closer to EVERYTHING you describe she is going through and experienced. It’s virtually textbook case. The inlaw family has completely abandoned her. She’s betrayed by everyone. Thank you thank you The way you describe the years and years of lying but wanting to support your partner and your together and the impact of living amongst those lies I’m Grateful you included that part. Thank you so much

[@bengans2406]

Dear Rob! I have learning a lot. Im a sexadicted, since I Was about 20 years young. In May 19 I got terapi, before I didnt know I was an addict . Thank you Rob for exposing. Love Bengt

[@annettealixroussin8385]

Very supportive and realistic information. Thanks for sharing and caring!

[@Stephanie-ph3yb]

Every single word that you said is true and speaks to my current situation

[@melissaturffs9612]

As a heterosexual woman sex addict, it's difficult to find empathy and support for this. There is a double standard as well.

[@Disappointment12907]

It's the flipside of being a betrayed husband.

[@puppiesentrenadoguarddogsp8971]

Hi Mr.weiss I star with telling you That im a sex addict And i didnt know till 9 moths ago. I knew i was doing wrong but i did think it was part of been a man casue ll thw man in my family are the same way,in my casa i never want to be like my dad or my family member i want it to be a faithful man to my wife and kids. I been married 16 years and i stop acting out when i got married and then when i became a christian.. but that didnt last long.. I was dying in this addcition maybe not physically but moral and spiritual and my healt was degrading .. many time i try to stop and to be a different person but even pray didn't work... I was lost and iwas accepting my life the way it was but always looking for the way to stop.. I hurt my wife and kids and destroy my home.. and that feel horrible but im willing to fight no mattet what need to do for my family and for me... and my God.. Im been pure for 9 months. And everything you tslk about is true. Thanks for your work....

[@CornbreadJenkins34]

Congrats on 9 months !!! How are you doing now?

[@MarinaM-o6p]

I DECIDED TO GO TO A “DEAD BEDROOM “ FOREVER …THIS MAKES ME FEEL VERY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF ….I FEEL MUCH BETTER KNOWING HE HAS NO ACCESS . 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@helloDobson3259]

Good lecture, but no mention of trauma bonds? No mention of attachment issues? Many of those spouses that were cheated on need counseling to understand that.

[@dayawhitaker8775]

WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. KEEP GOING!!!!😎

[@newearthlivingithaca]

Considering that Love is behavior and the massive trust building value of full disclosure in the case of the couple that has children but not staying together it would seem to me that full disclosure at the right time for the wife would be very much beneficial to her yes but also to the coparenting that will be taking place for many many years

[@janethomas78]

My friends wife is going through this. Thanks so much for this information. It helps so much so much to know the details.

[@maureenharris2909]

2yrs and still angry. He is in treatment but still failing me. 😢

[@WhatsUporDown]

Time to leave

[@amyodell1945]

Treatment for people who can afford it.

[@onepilltwopillredpillbluepill]

Funny how they could afford their addiction, funny how they had all the time to do it, but recovery work is Soooooooo hard.

[@AdrianaPittard]

1 19:03 Thank you for your supportive message, it validates my feelings and makes me feel normal. I have been betrayed many times,my husband has lost my trust and in part me.

[@timcarp1964]

I am learning to embrace my inner asshole! LOL but serious too. I have been a nice guy who really wasn't very nice.

[@157294]

Question: Is a disclosure in defiance of and counter to the 9th step?

[@BlackDeath920]

I felt a lot of this.

[@patticriss2238]

15-20 other women? Try 100’s. Can’t even fathom it sometimes. (Somehow I’m stuck in my husbands utube acct. this is the wife.)

[@patticriss2238]

Omg. I had no idea married at 20 and it’s been 35 years since then. 4 years since dday and I still don’t know what to do. I feel like a failure.

[@kimpuchek1956]

Patti Criss We are not failures We have had our lives turned upside down and inside out. We believed and we trusted our unfaithful spouses. Affair Recovery has a 13 week group call with other betrayed wives that can help with your journey going through the betrayal work. Michelle Mays is also a resource. Shelley Martinkus has programs. No matter if you are choosing on staying with your SA spouse, or leaving them, I have found that I still need to find what it is that will help me out of this deep pain and worthlessness. You are worthy of so much more than to have this be your life story. Support groups have been helpful for me trying to process my own situation with infidelities and SA.

[@kasspriscilla9350]

To me this sounds like she's a CO sex addict where she enables the addict totally obsessed with the addict in his behavior and tries to control him by the things that hes trying to do well I'm one of those people I was married to a sex addict I used to do those kinds of behaviors and it was exhausting I'm happy to say I don't do that anymore it's been a lot easier for me however my husband never stopped his sex addiction and that was his place to choose whether he was continued to do it or not in my case I couldn't live with that so I had to divorce him I feel bad for him but he would not get help And I couldn't stay married to somebody who was constantly acting out sexually

[@hollyvondross9635]

Just never have sex again with the sicko.

[@nancybogart3899]

HOLLY VON DROSS. ---amazingly he left me … I couldn’t believe it.

[@carolyneverett762]

Don’t blame the wife for what the husband has done. Shame on you.

[@jessbenadjosh]

Brilliant!!!!!

[@fallon7616]

Love Patrick Carne's

[@CornbreadJenkins34]

He's great! Such a wise person in this field

[@karolhouse6282]

My 20 yo discovered my husbands affair

[@ingelasitaram8296]

38:55. 😂😂😂

[@pj5111]

How do I contact you?????

[@faydove]

This can happen to a spouse at any age . You creep.

[@mikemestas9835]

if i think i go it licked i am not leanin on the arms of my higher power and listening to you is like He is using you so thank you sir---this is great VIVA sexual sobriety,