Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]

[@SlightlyDisturbed123]

"It's not an act of love if you make her." Fucking hits home.

[@freddyplaysgamesandmuchmor7285]

As someone who just got dumped by a guy who I thought loved me for me. He tried to change me and that line is relatable. But the words he said hurt me mentally and emotionally

[@clairer342]

@@SlightlyDisturbed123 I wonder if this line has a deeper meaning about marital sexual assault

[@EmeraldSea-si7yh]

@@clairer342that’s how I definitely interpreted it.

[@Noa-g1ex]

They wants to be "respected" from fear or from nothing, yet they think they're entilted to our "love and care" built also from nothing, is that fair?

[@bearbaitofficial]

Sexual assault is how i heard it ​@@EmeraldSea-si7yh

[@nikolettperedi560]

The feeling I get from this song is so ancient and so deep, I feel like all the rage from thousands of years of oppression to the women of all history is united into this song and it's incredibly powerful

[@jade3855]

This comment!! I don’t personally relate but I’m sitting here soaked in tears from just thousands of years of female rage. 💔❤️

[@missnikkiparker3112]

@@jade3855 Truly same.

[@julianamae7239]

exactly what I felt too, well put

[@aleksandra...]

Me too, I'm actually in opposite situation as my husband is doing most of the the labor (except emotional) as I'm chronically ill and unemployed. (and we had ~equal share before I started having health issues) But historical and contemporary examples are so heartbreaking, PLUS, all the future daughters (and sons) that are internalizing that as normal, I'm envisioning and this song is bringing all the emotions up... 😢

[@husky7281]

@@spoonky7243 girls, this dum dumb dude is trying to make a scene in the comments, dont give him attention.

[@AnantyaV]

My grandma gave birth to 17 children, 10 survived WWII, she did all the work, was a wonderful chef, seperated from her husband, an abusive alcoholic who was busy with a prostitute literally whilst she was in labour giving birth. She was shunned by her society, called a whore because she left her husband. This, grandma, is for you ❤

[@slavicpower7709]

Props to your grandma. Praise her strength.

[@PicassosCat]

It's crazy that you bear 17 children of a man and gets called a whore for leaving.. Times really changed huh? We may have our problems but I think we should give ourselves a little bit of credit for how far we've gone.

[@DavidMusic5885]

u didnt write this song

[@fave525]

and yet the society acts like it's women chasing marriage and men running away from it as if it's not men who benefit from it the most

[@популярнаяодиночкалауна]

​@@DavidMusic5885Duh

[@rini177]

the line "therpist, mother, maid, nymph then a virgin, nurse then a servant" stuck out to me a lot, women are expected to be perfect and be everything in one, couldnt have said it better

[@tiathompson6674]

All while looking like a sex kitten vixen!!!

[@samanthap]

@@musicremixes847 You listen to way to much Andrew Tate.

[@samanthap]

@@musicremixes847 🤣🤣🤣🤣 "I'm a man I know exactly how women live life and their challenges they face.." right whatever you say asshole

[@Minus-SL]

​@@musicremixes847rage bait 2/10, good job trying tho

[@samanthap]

@@emmaschmidt4774 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Bryna..]

the rage that builds up through the song is devastating but so beautiful. this song invokes so many emotions. the line about the daughter breaks my heart and Im not even a mom

[@shellygirl999]

The message behind this song is exactly why I refuse to have kids. It doesn’t matter how well I teach my son not to be incompetent, or teach my daughter not to be meek and domestic, society expects them to be that way, and kids don’t deserve to suffer through that. I’m ending my generational trauma right here.

[@fakename658]

I Only wish it was angrier

[@gameguy3394]

@@shellygirl999 🤪💀😂

[@thejadegecko]

@@fakename658 It needs a rock / metal remix/cover of it. @SkyDxddy needs to do a cover. It would be perfect.

[@charlomand3r]

same and motivates me to break the cycle if i ever decide to have kids

[@aubryellaotero1064]

The part about having a daughter and being afraid that she’ll meet the same fate is a true terror that keeps me up at night

[@namtellectjoonal7230]

yup....one of the reasons I don't want children I don't wanna bring a child into this ugly world that will treat them unjustly and then turn around and blame them for not being able to keep up

[@maca6630]

I understand you. I have three daughters and I raise them so that they know how to claim their place in the world, but I will always want to raise a boy in feminism. They need to know that they're born with a privilege we don't have.

[@anonaweaver9741]

Couldn’t imagine because I was the oldest of 3 girls. Then had 2 boys. Stopped before we did have a girl

[@desireeluciano]

I totally understand

[@aubryellaotero1064]

The sad part is I have a wonderfully fantastic and amazing man who takes care of me now but…. It took so long. Just to find someone who truly respects me. Been through so much abuse at the hands of men to get me to this point that I really don’t see any woman being able to completely escape the violence her whole life.

[@Seafoamee]

The symbolism of her lighting her candle and watching it burn down while his is unlit and barely touched is perfect

[@Raelyn03]

I was just about to comment on that, its really such a cool detail!!

[@fallen_star2319]

Add in that al the ones in his view are perfectly fine, while hers are starting to burn out? The one symbolizing her burns out entirely, the one representing him is never lit. But the surrounding candles, symbolizing work and effort? His are half tall, still easily burning. Hers are almost at their ends - she is completely burnt out in herself and from the excess work that she does for him, while he doesn't need to exert himself in nearly the same fashion. It's a smaller detail, but a really nice one.

[@garimabajaj7443]

oh my god, wow. this made me think so much.

[@paigelarrabee3143]

Her candle seems to symbolize patience. Her fuse must get lit every mealtime. Even if he isn't there and away at work. She toils over everything and so it has been eroded to the point of an escape plan.

[@bleepbloop838]

Like she loved and unloved, but he never learnt to love. Idk.

[@MelXBow]

"Not all men" but every women relate to at least one lyric in this song.

[@user-pz4ni7vr1s]

I'm 14 turning 15 soon and I can relate to every single fucking lyric in this masterpiece of a song

[@tatiblack6087]

"not all men" until it happens to their daughter

[@marrocovin]

i turned 17 two months ago, and i relate with this song in a different way. mommy issues activate. this song is obviously about domestic abuse, tradwife ideals, and misogyny, but i think personally people who have issues with neglectful yet bossy/heavily controlling parents can also relate heavily to it

[@haileyanderson6748]

@@marrocovin mm I never saw it that way

[@Selfcarelover.1410]

im 15 relate to every lyric except the baby machine part and ive been able to relate to this since i was 12

[@tanyadarling6892]

I love that we don't see her face at the start, like how many women have lived and continue to live as faceless, nameless entities, whose work is never acknowledged as theirs - I love this song for so beautifully expressing both power and grief

[@angytingz]

i was thinking this too!!

[@moonshine7374]

We don't see the guy's face either, are you psycho?

[@silveralpha3630]

Idk why this reminded me of Rosalind Franklin...

[@patternrecon5271]

Loxist subversion Kalergi plan Minimum replacement birth rate: 2.1 Israel birth rate: 3.00 EU birth rate: 1.53 Canada birth rate: 1.47 USA birth rate: 1.70 Australia birth rate: 1.66 Russia birth rate: 1.50 Ukraine birth rate: 1.23 Moldova: 1.28 Belarus: 1.38 Serbia: 1.48 Bulgaria: 1.56 Romania: 1.60 Albania: 1.58

[@Eclipsiscv]

It reminds me of a line from “Whatever you want” by Vienna Teng - “she’s just a dress wearing a face in the doorway.”

[@shreyachoudhary3378]

In my culture, traditionally men are the ones who eat first even though the women in the family are the ones who slaved away at the kitchen to prepare the food for everyone. The way that she has to wait for the guy to eat first reminds me of that. It is also symbolic of how even though women are the ones working so hard, the fruits of labor like say, opportunities are grabbed by men first while women always have barriers stopping them. Women always get the left over. Such a powerful depiction.

[@shreyachoudhary3378]

@@jooniesbonsai4064 i'm not from India but I understand what you mean

[@sarcasticallyrearranged]

Men haven’t been out hunting for a very long time and don’t need to be served first for any reason unless their arms are broken!

[@axolotl_aristotle]

Which country are you from?

[@cloydxx]

What culture is that

[@liliesandroses6323]

In my country there is a saying that the cooker would eat the smoke( the one it's produced during the cooking process). Generally in the past that was the rule first person that was eating was a husband, then children and last things that were left were left for mother

[@audreydahlman4473]

I absolutely love the symbolism in her choosing to eat a pomegranate. Pomegranates are used in so many ways in different religions and myths, but in every single one it is a symbol of womanhood, rebirth, or something of the sort. It’s such a powerful choice to use that as she eats in rebellion.

[@PILOSOPAUL]

The immediate thing that came to my mind was Persephone who was a captive of Hades, she is usually represented by pomegranates

[@mariakara2419]

yaaa also fertility i think ive heard

[@andyhu7205]

I like to think of it as her casting herself into hell to escape him! The pomegranate in Greek mythology is what kept Persephone from her mother in the underworld!

[@cecilkeith1951]

Persephone and Hades vibes

[@adiastar9815]

@@Ashni1 interesting. In many other languages, it is literally called a "grenade apple", plus "pomme" in french means just apple...

[@casper3791]

"If I had a daughter, I'd watch but could not save her" is such a dreadful yet often truthful sentence

[@conniehowell-yg1hb]

vote blue

[@matthieulepoittevin]

just had to warn her to choose better.

[@ardisfaire]

​@@matthieulepoittevinso your comment is to literally suggest, yet again, to blame women for men's shi+ty behavior?! Men need to accept accountability for their horrible weaponized incompetence, and abuse and exploitation of the women in their lives

[@boilermakerpatriot]

Just please never reproduce ❤

[@motaku220]

@@matthieulepoittevinmen like to hide their true colors people can change too

[@hee-hoo5672]

“I know you’re a smart man, and weaponize false incompetence. It’s dominance under a guise” THAT FUCKING LINE AND THE SUBSEQUENT LINES HIT HARD. This whole song is so beautiful and heartbreaking yet at the end so strong

[@RiverCrystal]

This is the first time I've heard of weaponized incompetence in a song and I'm here for it.

[@hee-hoo5672]

@@RiverCrystal same, the first time I heard it I felt my brain physically click. There’s finally a phrase for what I’ve been trying to articulate, AND it’s part of a beautiful song???

[@harvardpsychic8396]

I think of myself as a well read, self aware feminist. And this song just made me realized how much I give to men and how I never even saw it! I never saw it because I was conditioned to give men so much of myself. I was groomed to it before I knew how to speak, and know I'm not the only one. It's so sad.

[@kenny995]

It was a brilliant line. I've started calling out weaponized incompetence from people in my life. I ask them if they are genuinely dumb and can't do it, or if they are playing dumb to make you do it. They go silent real quick and that silence speaks volumes.

[@golden0lady1]

What does it mean by it ? English is not my first language

[@airheadmikito559]

What struck me about this song is that EVERY woman knows of another woman being treated like this or has gone through it herself. No sister is untouched. And there's a deep, deep fury about that. Even if not personally, throughout history, women know.

[@ElizabethUkeh]

Tbh, I don't know a woman who hasn't been through some kind of deep trauma with men. Hating men is pretty easy

[@salaahkhayr2398]

Treated like what exactly? Doing housechores while the men provide and pay for you? Lol.

[@user-ed7et3pb4o]

@@salaahkhayr2398 the more of your comments I read, the more I believe that your IQ is double digits. I feel sorry for your poor mother.

[@DeirdreMooMoo]

​@@salaahkhayr2398doing a majority of the housechores while also working a full time job and doing a majority of the childcare and emotional labor that comes with having children. Being exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night to feed a child two people created and being told they're being bitchy that following evening. Being expected to cook after coming home from a full shift of work and maid. And being told to be grateful because the man in the relationship brings home money.

[@chloecampbell9821]

@@salaahkhayr2398 this me bad vibes 🙄 *edit* Your comment gave me bad vibes 🙄

[@ahe1009]

this is absolutely a love letter to women throughout history. as historian rosalind miles points out: part of the reason men were at the forefront of so much innovation throughout history isn’t just because of lack of education for women, but because they were free to do more with their time as women were carrying most domestic and emotional labour in the home.

[@aspannas]

So true. Do not forget that men stole work from women constantly throughout time and wives to "great" men stood in their shadow, just look up Mileva Einstein-Maric who was married to Albert Einstein. Any woman who managed to make a name for themselves had to work 10 times as hard as any man.

[@HelgaMoro]

Women worked the fields too. And held other kinds of low paying jobs. In addition to all the domestic labor. And yes, no education and weren't allowed to be members of scientific clubs or political organizations. Were humiliated for even speaking up in the presence of men. And then men say "but we created everything". Bruh. If yall's egos weren't so fragile and you didn't hold women back, humanity would already be happily living all over the solar system.

[@ashleyunderwood8558]

EXACTLY! THANK YOU!

[@michelletierney3319]

Who cooked Adam smiths dinner 📖

[@ailimarie]

@@michelletierney3319 His mom. he wrote his book while living in his mom's house

[@quaryn]

Every time I hear "the capillaries in my eyes are bursting" I remember my friend Freyja, whose ex-husband strangled her to death. Rest in power, bright star.

[@RavindraPatil-c2p]

I'm so sorry. may they rest in peace ❤🕊️

[@Luci-morningstar--]

Is he in jail????

[@KatWrangler]

My heart hurts for her and you. 😢😢😢

[@gauner1312]

that was my first thought. they burst when you get choked. we know this song has many DV lines and that is one of them.

[@lexinarts]

Rest in power💜

[@karanhdream]

The pomegranate symbolism is powerful. This fruit represent fertility, marriage and desire but it can also represent death and feminine independence.

[@ashleyspeirs1100]

Yes! I see it as her eating her own six seeds. She’s committing to herself which is how she can disappear. She’s committed to her world. English teachers are gonna have a time with this! Haha

[@Letstalkforever]

​@@ashleyspeirs1100oh for sure. " what is the symbolism behind the fruit? How was used it and what can you tell the artist is trying to convey. Write your response in 700-1000 words paper. Must use citations, MLA or APA 7th only." 😂

[@amvperson]

I think it’s also a representation of Persephone and Hades, the Greek story. Persephone was forced to go down to the underworld. She was kidnapped by Hades. She performed a hunger strike to protest the kidnapping, but she found some pomegranate seeds and she was so hungry she ate them - In the video, Paris is very hungry and eats them quickly. That’s how Persephone ate the pomegranate seeds - and she ate about 4 to 6 so I think it’s a representation of being unknowingly forced to be there. It’s like your stuck in “Hades” (The Greek name for Hell). I also love the line: “It’s not an act of love, if you make her.” I think people often overlook the fact that you can be raped by your partner (gender neutral on purpose). In the song “Leave Luanne”, Luanne - a married woman - gets raped by her husband. Being married doesn’t mean that all s3x with your partner is 100 percent consensual.

[@izziemoss8262]

Also thought to actually be the forbidden fruit from 'the garden of eden' instead of the apple.

[@phoney2627]

​@@amvpersonThere's another version of the Persephone and Hades story where Hades literally forces the seeds down her throat which would fit the theme of this song better imo. Also you left out the part that in greek mythology if you eat anything in the underworld it means you have to stay there, so that was why she had to be there for the half of every year even after being saved.

[@percivalchase780]

Watch how he looks amused as she starts eating before looking angry. He feels like she's a joke before she keeps going, she proves to him she's serious. gods i love this song

[@momo-wp5mb]

Righttt

[@kittypanda10]

Yup I wonder if they will find us amusing when we all fight back 😡

[@merelha5930]

I personally think he looks more uncomfortable? Like he doesn't understand what she is doing and why and actually physically doesn't look at her (looking down, hiding behind his hands). He looks up after a while and is also shocked she is gone.

[@musicremixes847]

@@kittypanda10 try and "fight back"

[@thalfor54]

Totally agree! I can hear his thoughts, like "How amusing, she's acting up!" then "Ok, now this is not all right, I'm going to have to punish her." He's thinking deeply toward the end, but there's no hint of self-reflection, of any awareness that he's the problem. Blind to the reality until (and probably after) she's gone

[@taylorbalon6488]

This song unleashed something very scary and emotional inside me. It’s like suddenly I’m feeling all the grief, suffering and anger of every women since the dawn of time.

[@miriamschmitz394]

Exactly and it connects you to your female ancestors

[@jessicam.3438]

i love this comment paired with your icon

[@taylorbalon6488]

@@jessicam.3438 LMAOOO thank u :))

[@Farbklex94]

This is how I felt, but I couldn't put it into words.

[@user-gv2mc3db8v]

Literally, just wow.

[@kiterafrey]

Even if the man you choose isn't like this, EVERY woman feels this song to their core. If not our lovers - our fathers, our society, our religion...all crashing in on us.

[@katzikat4669]

same. If I went back to evangilism and opened a church, it would be an Asherahn church. The sermons would happen in a garden that is enclosed by the building itself. There would be gender neutral sermons at morning, that would just say the cookie cutter stuff from other sermons, but then at afternoon, there would be sermons for women only where women are taught how to survive and thrive in the world we live in, and how to make sure they know their role as the ones who pick which man gets to procreate and which man doesn't. And the teachings would be all about the divine feminine. For the afternoon sermons, there would be a waiting area for the men where they can watch footbal and eat cake until their women are done with the women only sermon. And then there would be a safe space for women only.

[@marshahawk2293]

Then they want to force a JD Vance on us? I think not!

[@conniehowell-yg1hb]

vote blue

[@earliemariaknuckles9219]

Even as a single mum, you still feel this weight.

[@HolgerDanske]

Good thing there's never a single expectation on men.

[@annabelle6770]

1:55 "if we had a daughter i'd watch and could not save her" this part brings tears to my eyes every time i listen

[@cutiepienico5600]

Same cried when first heared that line hit me hard😢

[@wordwoman9900]

I am that daughter. I saved myself. But my mom still cried when I pointed it out in adulthood and she realized what growing up under my father's thumb was actually like.

[@alexwhyley2786]

@@wordwoman9900Sammmmmme. That part made me sob instantly soon as I heard it. So sad and cruel that it’s such a universal experience so many wives and daughters can relate to.

[@kanaksikarwar223]

Actually they can save bit they choose not to! That's how times are changing. The more you support your daughter the more you are saving her from all of this.

[@PerfectlyDeranged]

This hit me hard too. I left. I wasn’t going to watch my daughter grow up thinking how I was being treated was anywhere near okay. That the example for her would to be bullied, beaten down, insulted, gaslit, manipulated, tricked and deceived while I worked my ass off to look after a man child. It wasn’t happening. I cut my losses for her sake and I thank god every day that I did.

[@lachlainegordon806]

When she grabbed the pomegranate to signify her enjoying the fruits of her own labour was just YASSSSSSS and pomegranates have long been a symbol of womanhood bc they represent periods. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

[@chembabe8264]

And blood... it signifies blood

[@quizyjest1616]

Plus in Greek Mythology pomegranates are seen as a fruit of fertility, hence their signifying of blood but more specifically menstration. Additionally, in other faiths pomegrantes are seen as a fruit of gods, so her eating it is a symbol of defiance, not unlike Eve in Abrahamic faiths.

[@iamV10010]

​@@chembabe8264 can't tell if you're adding to the original comment by saying the pomegranate also signifies blood or if you're making fun of it in an"it ain't that deep" way. Please clarify so I may respond accordingly.

[@ponypony2905]

AND it's also present as the fruit that sentenced Persephone for life with Hades in the underworld, despite her protests I MEAN ITS SO BADASS

[@AgentLane13]

@@chembabe8264 boy have I got news for you about the connection between menstruation and blood

[@kiararodriguez2118]

The background vocals being children at the end enrages me and breaks my heart. This is a masterpiece. Every little detail is perfect

[@em01455]

I didn’t even realize that my god

[@highdeadesigns6424]

That's my favorite part😭😭

[@universal_stupidity]

she has apparently said they aren't children, but it's still beautiful

[@solus8685]

I think it's young women, not kids

[@aeonia_anassa]

What even made you think that's children singing, its extremely clear it's not but the fact you "heard" children's voices worries me. Whatever it is, I hope you're taking care of it.

[@lizxu322]

The fact that she was most likely escaping an abusive father herself and so latched onto a 'saviour'...she realised her daughter would repeat her life if she isnt too careful. Its cyclical.

[@samevans1289]

"It's not an act of love if you make her." Sex, pregnancy, being a stay-at-home parent, housework, being submissive, and so much more that can apply for that lyric - things and acts that come naturally to many people and/or are done willingly by many and can result from love, that turn into a freaking nightmare when it's imposed on people.

[@lesbihonestart9888]

"People". There's only one type of person this is imposed on. It's women.

[@LilFrg]

It can also apply to forcing a woman to have a career when she wants to be a stay at home mom. Forcing a woman to do anything, but don’t down play societies new hatred of stay at home mothers 🙄

[@samevans1289]

@@LilFrg Don't turn my comment into a debate by making a skewed and straight-up intentionally wrong reading of the lyric. "It's not an act of love if you make her" - where is the act of love (and towards whom?) in a woman choosing her career as opposed to becoming a homemaker? That's the whole premise of my comment - that doing all those things can be acts of love IF they are not imposed to begin with. I think I was quite clear in my comment.

[@lesbihonestart9888]

@@LilFrg domestic labour by women is supremely undervalued for sure. The desire to stay at home with little education and pop out kids doesn't exist in a vacuum tho. You gotta look at how many of these women are raised with strict, traditional misogynistic values that tie their worth to reproduction, how much their education has been limited, and also just the world around them that actually does value women staying in the home at large. Some feminists critiquing the pitfalls of being a stay at home mother - aka the lack of finacial independence should their husband leave/die/get sick/abuse them and also the detriment to little girls being raised with the same misogynistic expectations to follow their mother, as well as the damage to the environment of popping out a bunch of kids, doesn't mean stay at home mothers are societally hated. Look at home many countries in the world do not allow women comprehensive control of when/if they get pregnant. How many deny access to employment or full independence without marriage to a man. How many allow child bride marriage (this includes the USA btw). Society doesn't hate stay at home mums. It hates WOMEN. Whatever role we occupy is unequal and unfair because of this.

[@iamsatan8961]

​@@LilFrg did they say it couldn't? Oh wait.. They didn't you're just creating an argument because you're bored

[@luxluther436]

“So he never lifts a finger” can have two meanings. One, he never does work. Two, so he doesn’t hit.

[@glengamble526]

@@AutumnRose.. nope. Words have meaning. And context.

[@yashny]

The first one for sure

[@queenofbooks9526]

or three, so he never points a finger and accuses, aka emotional labour

[@namtellectjoonal7230]

I didn't make that connection before I read your comment, thank you for the insight

[@glengamble526]

@@queenofbooks9526 🙄

[@fozzyspots]

this truly is a love letter to all the hundreds of millions of women who have lived and died, nameless and faceless and unappreciated, terrified and violated and unfulfilled, lonely and clever and murdered. we see you. we're sorry.

[@manifest2203]

Well said 👏👏

[@CityKanin]

Louder for the back row!

[@rollins5865]

😢

[@nekonions]

This made me tear up

[@Nandemonaiya00]

LOUDER for those in the back 🎉

[@nouvjh9]

The rage I feel whenever I listen to this song could light up cities

[@ancientsprout]

Same! The fire is real. Let it fuel light

[@matthieulepoittevin]

well playd , jews

[@anaionescu8913]

The pomegranate is a symbol of renewal and rebirth in some cultures. The fact that that's the food she reaches for as she rebels against her 'master', and devours it hungrily, tells such a powerful story of aggressive protest against oppressors.

[@marthadumptruck5102]

The pomegranate is also an established symbol of womanhood- to the Greeks, Gauls, Roma, and in Judaism. It’s been called “the fruit of the womb”. It’s not just renewal/rebirth- she’s claiming her womanhood fully, wholly for herself.

[@All-ze9cl]

Also, idk if this has any relevance to what she is saying, but in the greek myth, Persephone gets trapped in the underworld because she eats hades pomegranate. She has to stay with him during the winter which is why the trees lose their leaves. SO it could be her reclaiming her womanhood and eating the pomegranate in spite of the man.

[@horselover40]

Its also a very difficult fruit to eat and stay relatively clean even when trying. If you just say screw it and go to town it could be seen as a symbol of everything "unladylike" messy, ungraceful, even savage if you go about it right, but true womanhood can easily include all of these things. Even though we often hide them

[@rowanfrost8489]

Stephen King actually uses the pomegranate symbolism in his book Rose Madder.

[@spiffyvanspot]

Just adding that it's also theorized the fruit Eve eats in Eden is a pomegranate, not an apple. There's a lot of layers to that choice in the video.

[@lectia4091]

“For someone who I thought was my savior, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour.” Hits hard when your with somebody who promised to take you out of your misery but ends up traumatizing you just as the same or even worse.

[@mary5177]

much love and healing!!!

[@hazelhope5646]

its just trading one jail for another.

[@DarthFurie]

I know exactly what you mean. Wishing you freedom, I'll have mine soon❤

[@lectia4091]

@@DarthFurie thanks and Dw you will just hold on ❤️❤️

[@flawedsanity]

It hits home very hard for me too. All my life I've just traded one horrific situation for another, it seems. Wishing freedom and peace to everyone in the comments - I hope I will get mine soon.

[@soullessnstereo]

The fact the marriage candle beside him has NEVER been lit and her's has burnt down. Every little detail is feminine perfection.

[@bubbleslot]

What's a marriage candle? I missed the symbolism on that one

[@gessicakaylanedasilva6932]

@@bubbleslot i think it represents love, he never really loved her, and with time and abuse her love dies/fades.

[@bubbleslot]

@@gessicakaylanedasilva6932 ah, that makes sense

[@Cryoniiic]

God I didn’t even notice that

[@solar0wind]

Are marriage candles a part of a certain culture? I don't think we have/had them in German culture, but maybe I'm just too uneducated😅

[@AnnalysiaCottrell]

A group of 10 year old girls did a lyrical dance to this song at a competition they had ropes as props. Shivers

[@pulacascar179]

Is there a video?

[@AnnalysiaCottrell]

@@pulacascar179 no sadly I live in a small town and it only has 3 studios participating

[@pulacascar179]

@@AnnalysiaCottrell oh ok

[@Magicalwolfgamer]

That’s epic !!

[@avadakedevra2895]

In india, there is this tradition of the wife/mother in the family eating last, they are not allowed to sit with the family and eat together. Instead they are often left with the leftovers of their own cooking while the men and children are served first and take away most of the food without consideration for the mother. I am lucky to be born in a progressive family where this tradition has long since been abandoned. But it still persists in many many families, regardless of economic class.

[@gisellmuniz7321]

I am from the north of Mexico Chihuahua, The traditional woman need to be serving the family food into the men and the children finish there food. making hot tortillas in the process. when you are like 8 years old you start helping the mother too. it is so interest see how cultures can be similar in view and traditions, I love India food !!!

[@avadakedevra2895]

There are so many similarities in mexican and indian culture in general life as well! Its truly astounding. We dont have any common history, our countries located on two sides of the world, opposite to each other meridian wise, and yet!! Lots of love to mexico from india!! ❤@@gisellmuniz7321

[@RachelDeRosier010894]

If I'm the one cooking the food, no one should be allowed to eat until I sit at the other head of the table. Periodt.

[@avadakedevra2895]

​@@RachelDeRosier010894 exactly how it should be.

[@charlottaberg6934]

😢❤

[@jessiemayfield6749]

I love the line ‘it’s not an act of love if you make her’ referring to marital/relationship sexual assault blending perfectly into her complaint of being forced to do and be too many things. It’s subtle but important

[@kDv815]

It’s truly horrifying that so many people believe rape can’t happen in a marriage. That is a disgusting view to have and is entirely untrue. Consent is always needed, regardless of relationship

[@kaosooll]

I hope and pray that all of us women never experience this kind of pain. ❤️‍🩹

[@BadActingWYIM]

@@kDv815 its disgusting how brain washed we all are. i remember onw time I was sexually assaulted by my boss and girls were telling me not to tell his wife or blaming me. Saying the wife wont believe me anyway or ill just cause the child to grow up with a single parent. wtf? he gave me a raise suddenly the next day but i left. gross

[@matthewbates9629]

I mean it sucks that happened but what do you expect and if you told the higher ups they would make you sign an affidavit legally binding you to not say anything leaving was the best choice you made in my opinion

[@Brokegirlhomestead]

And now that you wrote this it makes sense even more 😢

[@punpkinpi2015]

I just noticed a very incredible little detail in the candle she lights for herself in the beginning. Throughout the song you can see it burning lower and lower, and by the end when she's disappeared, its at the bottom and the wick is the only one blown out. Both her and the candle were burnt out, and so she left. I love the attention to little things like this in music videos, makes the story all that much stronger and shows how much love was put into making it. EDIT: I just noticed the man's candle is not only longer but is never lit. He's never having to burn himself out on any domestic labor whatsoever.

[@alexwulf9150]

Also the pitch of her voice seems to follow this pattern as well, the high, timid childlike beginning slowly sliding into low, strong, mature end.

[@irenequarena2064]

and can we also point out the fact that she ripped apart a pomegranate, and started eating exactly that fruit? the remind to Greek mythology and the myth of Persephone, trapped and tricked by Hades with 4 pomegranate seeds to stay with him in "Hell" for 4 months a year? what always represented oppression in symbolism now is the key to freedom and also the fact that all she eats reminds of a blood-ish color might also represent the fact that she got so tired of hanging on that she quite literally eat her heart out, such a beautiful song and meaning also through images

[@Gabi24492]

​@@irenequarena2064 curious enough, Hades was probably the best olympian husband by far

[@ugetsuapologist5310]

@@Gabi24492 very low standards in greek mythologies but their relationship was the definition of grooming and should not be glorified.

[@jhunt5578]

"On any labour whatsoever" Yes because men don't do any work do they. Smh

[@elizabethcharlton7755]

I love how the "all day, every day" part has the rhythm of a work song, something you'd hum to yourself to keep a steady pace during menial chores. Makes me think this is a thought that's been mulling in her head specially during these chores, cleaning and cooking for a man who wouldn't do the same

[@pamelam1101]

I sing this in my car a lot, and I SING it, I almost cry every time for some reason, even though I've faced barely any of this personally. And I beat on my steering wheel to the rhythm when that part comes up. It's like a battle drum or like the orchestrated footsteps of women realizing the abuse they've gone through and marching to freedom. I'm not good at putting things to words but that's how I feel when I hear that part of the song.

[@GemBob123]

This song just epitomises how women's roles are consistently delegitimised. Even the stereotypical housewife is not seen as real 'labour'. Cooking, cleaning, managing the home, taking care of the children is a job. Just because it's not paid, it's seen as somehow 'worth less'. Stunning.

[@hassanalkhalaf1115]

But who does stigmatise it? It's not men, it's feminists. They shit on women who are haply to be housewives because how dare they to live happily under a man?! During that conservative men don't expect their wives to work a job and at home because everyone has their assigned roles. Want to quit that? That's cool but many are happy with that as long as they got the choice

[@hassanalkhalaf1115]

@L W these aren't my words. It's used by (extreme) feminists to shit on housewives and mothers

[@hassanalkhalaf1115]

@L W that's a valid point.

[@wickywickyjoka]

@L W From experience, Partnership is just what she's been gaslighted into believing. You are literally blinded to the fucked up happenings around you. You're told you need to earn your keep, and you agree. That is only right, right? You could be on the streets with nothing, you are ungrateful. You don't want to be "that wife", the one that sits on the couch eating bonbons. He already looks at you and smiles every single time a song about a partner sitting on their ass and spending all the earned income comes on the radio... But for some reason, room and board ends up paying cents on the hour, and it demands that you do every single other thing that isn't going to work. And there isn't even an attempt to make any of that easier on you, i.e. This man didn't even use a trash can, his trash just magically disappeared off the floor beside "his chair" everyday. He complained that having a new baby was hard on him because every time he cried in the middle of the night, "I had to try to fall back to sleep!" If I even asked him to clean up just his own part of the mess in our home, it was a fight where he threw his job up in my face. I spent 12 years after he stopped paying for us to live trying to "repay" the room and board I received for 10. Let's not forget that I was earning that room and board DURING those 10 years too. I told everyone around me that we were partners, too! And at that time, I thought I fully meant that. But the reality was, he worked outside for 8-10 hours, and I worked inside, at the school, at the doctors, at the after school functions, in the yard, and all around town for 24 hours. He got two days off a week. I got an hour to bathe on his days off. He got bonuses and overtime. I got setbacks, and had to make compromises. Partners.

[@SaturnStatic]

And if u have a full time career you get shamed for neglecting your family Nothing is ever good enough! Stay at home women are shamed, women with careers are shamed, women with kids are shamed, women without kids are shamed Essentially, people just don’t respect women. That’s why the whole “pick me” thing is SO stupid Acting “like one of the guys” or “not being like other girls” won’t earn the respect they think it does

[@user-gb6dz6dh4l]

“It’s not an act of love if you make her” sends chills down my spine 😭

[@van_ol1056]

Literally, so many misogynistic men justify giving women all the domestic chores bc it's a "love language". And men's only love language is somehow always physical touch, never service

[@Rebekah_withanH]

​@@van_ol1056 the love languages thing was invented by an Evangelical pastor

[@SummerSun-sg3wf]

And yet they never touch you to control you

[@schuylergeery-zink1923]

Touch is about platonic and no sexual affectionate touch. And usually you naturally DO the love language you prefer. So my husband appreciates acts of service (when I cook for us) and he cleans a lot, does his own laundry, does the dishes etc. He also is quick to give praise and is receptive to words of affirmation. I enjoy quality time and touch, so he knows I want conversation and like hugs and massages. We do all the love languages tho. It’s just we know what to ask for clearly of each other.

[@rosasuarez1]

​@@SummerSun-sg3wf?

[@xPrincessGarnetXVI]

I love how the song is introduced with this eloquent and poetic tongue and then right before the chorus she breaks out of it and goes "and I'm getting fucking tired." The shift is so perfect, so spicy and beautiful. It's just another aspect placed on women she is breaking away from - that swearing and speaking aggressively or speaking out in general is not seen as "lady-like." This woman is an absolute genius.

[@sophialakota]

🙌

[@Anastasi.R]

Wow, such a nice observation ❤

[@FishieFishFosh]

English teachers having a feast on this song oml

[@xPrincessGarnetXVI]

@@FishieFishFosh my thoughts exactly lol

[@briar2603]

also at the end she breaks out of it too!! honestly it was kinda funny to hear at first because of all this amazing poetry and metaphors and stuff and then suddenly "24/7 baby machine" but it really makes sense if you analyze it. she seems so done at the end.

[@ccyoutubecc11444]

This was my mother when I was growing up. One day when I was little, I could overhear my parents having a fight while I was coloring in the other room. She was crying to him about how all she does is clean, the dishes and laundry never end, and my dad said "keep your voice down, she's right there" and my mom replied, "Let her hear it." That memory is seared into my brain. I want to have children, but am very hesitant to do so -- the injustice of motherhood is too overbearing, and even the most progressive of men are not cognizant of how skewed it really is and therefore unequipped to be truly egalitarian.

[@lumiiforyou]

I can relate. Ever since i was 6 till now (im 14) all i hear is arguments and my mother venting to me about how she wish she never met my father since he never does anything. Im really tired and i cannot deal with the stress any longer.

[@toriliu9090]

get a cat like i did

[@michelletan03]

That’s why I got a cat

[@grantoyamaha]

On the other hand everything you live in,drive,sit in, the bathroom you use the washing machine, the computer ,tv and kitchen is made by men.

[@IvyElekwa]

​@@grantoyamaha Oh shut up will you...the only reason men invented those things were because women were literally not allowed to do or be anything serious,not too long ago when a woman knew more than she was supposed to she was burned to death for being a "Witch" so only men were even Allowed to think talk more of invent and even at that we have many iconic women inventors despite all of you small minded,weak, insecure men holding us back from time immemorial...

[@amber61pop]

"Apologies from my tongue, and never yours." "If our love died would that be the worst thing? For somebody that I thought was my saviour, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour." I cried, these lyrics hurt so much. Thank you.

[@harvardpsychic8396]

That line made me realize so much. I've had relationships with men of influence. I was drawn in under some idea that they would make my life easier and love me. But they almost always drain more from me then they give, and I do mean DRAIN. Looking back, if I had just given them the finger and invested that energy in myself then I would have been better off. Damn, the patriarchial PR system is so huge and insiidious.

[@user-ki6dt9bf1s]

😊😊

[@aPeachWhoLovesYeshua]

@@harvardpsychic8396 Patriarchy isn’t the problem, selfish and inconsiderate men are the problem. I’m currently learning to love myself and God because I put too much energy into selfish men in the past💯

[@charliemackin9620]

It's all propaganda and ponting out the worst of possibilities to destroy the west and its traditionally rich culture. Now we see no culture and broken families due to propaganda like this filth. Could have make a better song for the human soul. Life requires work to survive 💪

[@AbeeraUsmanKhawaja]

​@@aPeachWhoLovesYeshuaPatriarchy & men both are problem.

[@OKHolly]

I can't get over the line "You weaponize incompetence...it's dominance under guise." I never thought of it that way before, but men feigning incompetence truly is just another way to control women. It's so insidious and blows my mind.

[@tima7814]

it's very calculated but at the same time it's so obvious, it makes you think of something a toddler would come up with. speaks to the amount of emotional maturity men are accepted to have vs. what women are beholden too.

[@paigelarrabee3143]

It can also be interpreted as him weaponizing her perceived incompetence to do things so only he can do it and so she has to rely on him.

[@Irisicaaa]

I've seen it in my father a million times

[@amandavlam9656]

I think it's important to note it's "you weaponize false incompetence" too because everyone involved knows it's an act and is just supposed to go along with it

[@salaahkhayr2398]

Military, blue collar jobs are saying hello. Oh damn women have it so sooo bad lol.

[@linbbzz8855]

I love how he refuses to listen to her chanting in the end. But when he does, and that’s also when the chanting stops, she is gone. What a powerful double meaning. Not only does he finally start to pay her attention ones it’s over and not during her words, but also: it’s too late now.

[@kutter721]

rather reminds me of the "walkaway wife" syndrome - when women have asked and asked and begged and ultimately get ignored, then they're surprised when she leaves, like she did it with no warning.

[@scorchedroseproductions3266]

@@kutter721 this almost happened to my husband and I, but he got the wake up call and has improved substantially. There's still work to do on his part, but he's making great strides and I had begged and begged and begged. But it did take me almost leaving for it to happen

[@williamsstephens]

​@@kutter721 I warned him. And yes, he was surprised anyway.

[@mightykaytor]

There's a fairly well-known essay online by a divorced writer called "She left me because I left the dishes by the sink" or something very like that wherein the gist (kindly broken down for men by a man) is that it was NEVER about the dishes but his lack of consideration and sense of entitlement that destroyed the relationship. Should be eecommended reading before cohabitating with someone.

[@Evija3000]

​@@kutter721 I work in a court, including divorce cases, and indeed it's always the men who don't understand why she filed for a divorce. The weirdest case was when two elderly people had married. She wanted a divorce not long after because he treated her like a full on nurse and caregiver. He seemed unable to grasp the issue, said he still loved her, etc. Seemed like a romantic type, completely oblivious to the practical burden he was putting on his wife.

[@camiocain5075]

girl, every single woman ancestor is AWAKE on the other side. i know they are so proud of

[@Nameless-y7v]

They are not proud,freedom lady

[@camiocain5075]

@@Nameless-y7v they’ll be waiting for you specifically 😘

[@Nameless-y7v]

@@camiocain5075 as if I am going to hell

[@brandiswingley521]

I burst a capillary in my eye giving birth to my first daughter 12 years ago, and then pumped milk for her in a supply closet while she was under the lights for jaundice. It was so painful I bled, while her father told me my eye disgusted him and mooed at me for feeding her. When I made him food he didn't like, he'd spit it out into my hand. I'll probably never pay off the loans I took out to help support us both. It's been a decade, but the rage this song stirred in me is overwhelming.

[@justasadgirl]

I am so sorry you had go trough that

[@brandiswingley521]

@@justasadgirl I'm okay! I made it through, and all that life gave me and took from him almost makes me believe in a benevolent god lol. Everything he was ever proud of is gone and he's alone. I married the love of my life and couldn't physically be happier. Women can survive and grow in the worst conditions. ♥️

[@sthecoolbro4357]

you are so incredibly strong, your daughter will grow with an amazing roll model

[@brandiswingley521]

@@sthecoolbro4357 thanks friend ♥️

[@eltheducc5576]

this is a heartbreaking story, I’m so glad you made it out. Some women have never escaped this type of situation and it breaks my heart. I’m so glad you’re doing better ❤

[@oliviasonell960]

I love how this isn't about a physically abusive relationship but about how the labour demanded of women by patriarchs kills us.

[@hassanalkhalaf1115]

And men don't do labour at all? They're all day up to work and get you the money for your house. Both do equal work yet men don't complain about it. Unless there isn't a physical abusive relationship no need to cry

[@hassanalkhalaf1115]

@@tiana3416 okay how about you calm down a little bit? I'm pro feminism, which is why I enjoyed this song and the message. It's just so lazy and privileged to cry about having to do housework regardless of gender. I call men out who expect their wife to do everything as well. It's just normal once you set up who's going to be the stay at home parent that it's expected from this person to do labour at home while their partner does labour outside. Also cut me that reversed "men don't cry" bullshit

[@user-ed7et3pb4o]

@@hassanalkhalaf1115 it’s not equal work. There are many, many studies on how it’s not equal work. If it was equal work, it wouldn’t be so common to have men sitting enjoying themselves at every family gathering while the women are slaving in the kitchen. If it was equal work, my mother wouldn’t have to spend her whole Ramadan cooking while fasting to serve the iftar that the men expect, while they waltz in at the last minute after a whole day of doing nothing just to devour the fruits of a whole day’s labour in mere minutes without so much as a thank you. When you say things like that, you are disrespecting your mother.

[@teaganpoppy]

@@hassanalkhalaf1115 Notice how no one agrees with you? Embarrassing.

[@northernroyal814]

@@hassanalkhalaf1115 awww sounds like you’ve never experienced what a woman goes thru 😂

[@DK-gc8od]

Can we just talk about how clever the line, “Nymph then a virgin” is like it just ties in the impossible standards that men have for women so perfectly. They are expected to have the bedroom experience of a nymph and be sexually arousing or seductive without ever actually having had sex before so they can still fulfil their sick fantasies of an untried virgin. Like, its all just so frustrating and impossible

[@antidote351]

Really on point. Nothing really has changed since medieval times, but now we got also entitled polygamists and pornculture and many pick me's enabling this depravity, saying it'd be empowering..

[@LovesGaming37]

Males want virgins but then pressure women to ha e sex with them and when the woman does, she's called easy and a slut. We women can't ever win. We are damned if we do and damned if we don't

[@bmoe4609]

Yup

[@bmoe4609]

​@@antidote351 nothing wrong with porn n im a woman. U gotta find the ones geared for us women on our pleasure

[@empress.bijira]

​@Radfem Tahlia i certainly hope when you mean all misogyny you mean *all* misogyny, which includes the misogyny that targets our trans sisters

[@lioness_of_Judah]

I grew up in a very abusive household where my father absolutely terrorised my mother and treated her like dirt. This song hits home for me. Thankfully my mother divorced my father and pressed charges against him so now he’s in prison and she is finally safe from being stalked and beaten. Now she’s happily remarried and doing better than ever :)

[@awk-wordwriter7179]

The ending of this gives me chills. I remember my mother and her bf locking up the pantry and being the only sibling who had a key. My mother was never home or when she was she'd lock herself in her room. Her bf was no help. So I had to cook for a household of five. Always serving myself last. My brothers yelling at me and throwing tantrums because they wanted snack food as opposed to the meal I had just slaved over. I remember having it drilled into me that it was my job to watch my younger brothers. That girls mature slower. That men have needs, so I shouldn't be so harsh. I remember staying home from events to make sure my brothers ate. Being told it was my fault if the family was ripped apart. My mother to this day will claim that I was never a problem child, but when I tell her I was suffering silently she plays the victim. I remember my church wanting me at their private school, but not my brothers. Because I was a meek obedient young "woman" and they were "rowdy boys" When this character served herself, not caring for manners, just for her hunger, I felt that. She saw the fruits of her labour as her own and decided to reap the benefits, to take care of herself first. Before fleeing this one sided, one way, relationship that did nothing but take and take. This song captures the pain of being viewed as nothing more than someone's mother, wife, daughter etc... As well as the release you feel when you realize you are so much more than that.

[@Tiana.r1]

I am so sorry you had to go through that. You're so unbelieveable strong and brave I really hope you're doing okay and got the help you needed! Please take care of yourself and stay safe!

[@deanndrakidd]

Girls mature faster than boys (biologically and mentally- science backs this up)...... oof I'm so sorry that you grew up dealing with that load of rot

[@christyanarose]

I am sorry u had to go through that... Wow... Love to you. ❤❤❤ ❤️❤️❤️ and I think the artist has succeeded ...

[@YourMindinBloom]

hugs for you

[@-N-Y-M-P-H-O-L-O-G-Y-]

Hugs!

[@gabriellakangombe4032]

"24/7 baby machine" hits hard. I'm a 19 year old Congolese girl who has a large extended family where people tend to marry young and start their family young too. Since I hit 18, most talks about my future have been about motherhood and child-bearing. I took a gap year and got into a good university that I worked hard last year to get into, yet I got hardly any congratulations or tips for how to survive uni. At least, it's very minimal compared to the motherhood tips. I'm tired of being viewed as a baby machine lmfao

[@auiak7689]

Everyone expects me to get married and have children someday even tho I definitely do not want to. It sounds pretty horrible to me. I’m going to prove them wrong and stay unmarried with no children. It’s so tiring that I’m expected to be a mother before I even hit 18.

[@paintmyheartout90]

Congratulations on getting into school!! 🎉🎉🎉❤

[@gabriellakangombe4032]

@@paintmyheartout90 Thank you! 💚

[@solar0wind]

I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. I'm German, and here it's frowned upon to have children before you're 20. It's crazy how different views can be in different cultures. However, we still have pressure on women to have children, but depending on the region and other stuff it just starts in a woman's 20s or 30s. In any way, congrats for getting into the university, and good luck and a lot of strength for your future studies🙏 Words from random strangers aren't as impactful as words from people close to you, but until they start giving you the compliments you deserve, I hope this can act as a small substitute😊

[@gabriellakangombe4032]

@@solar0wind thank you! i appreciate it

[@aesthetic_writer]

A message to future generations: Don't let this song die

[@snortsalineoflavender]

@@donavenbruce9939 why is this important rn?

[@captainfiri7619]

​@@donavenbruce9939 how about no

[@This_is_weird]

@@donavenbruce9939 okay Bruce of course of course, now let’s get u to bed

[@donavenbruce9939]

@@This_is_weird of course of course, you cannot talk to a horse 🐴

[@strawberrysangria1474]

@@donavenbruce9939 What exactly is your value? Big man go make money? Little ladies can do it too, and they can fold their own laundry. If that's all, then you aren't needed.

[@ukotoa1639]

As a guy, I can’t imagine what women go through, but I know one thing that I’ll stand by until I die, women are hell of a lot stronger than I could hope to be. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for my mother who gave up so much for me- I just hope one day I can be at least half as incredible as she is

[@AnnaGrace603]

So sweet that you see a womens strenght. Dont make your women be a strong women ever. Be a strong man for her so that she can be soft and feminine instead of strong. Women are secretly very very exhousted from being strong

[@lkqgirl3121]

Thank you for understanding our struggle, you're a treasure

[@Birbzz]

Youre amazing please never change

[@motaku220]

@@Birbzzhe’s not a amazing just slightly emontionally smart

[@ZinedDa_nice90]

Sie tat es aus Liebe denn nur eine mutter die den Schmerz erträgt frewillig durch die Hölle geht und dir ein freie Zukunft schenkt ist zu ehren !! Sie tat es aus Liebe !

[@dreaming_hearts]

The fact that the pomegranate is the symbol of Persephone is symbolic. The way she rips it apart. She was trapped in this marriage and now she's destroying it. Edit: 3.9k likes? Are you kidding me? Thanks!

[@SnazzyArcade]

Pomegranates were also the "forbidden fruit" in the garden of eden, not apples.

[@not-so-obvious_autism777]

@@SnazzyArcade Oh dang really?! Cool!

[@SnazzyArcade]

@@not-so-obvious_autism777 Yeah pomegranates are indigenous to the middle east, while apples are from central/east asia.

[@AmberSpellcraft]

Hades also loves Pomegranate thats is go to fruit with him.

[@AmberSpellcraft]

@@SnazzyArcade No one really knows that cause that story isn't straight forward with that.

[@imhere9034]

I’m so glad it’s 4 minutes long. Most people create tiktok hype for just 2 minute songs but this was just beautiful.

[@redmasquerade13]

Came here to say this!!

[@drendraleigh4722]

It's 4 minutes and somehow I still think it's too short so I listen on repeat

[@oliverxhmll]

listen to her other songs. I had no doubt it'd be good cause she's actually a talented musician

[@Sarah-vi8px]

It's so refreshing seeing a song that's even better whole than just its viral tiktok hook

[@soulmana1010]

the people who make the song arent the same that "create" tiktok hype, a single person doesnt have control on how popular something they post will be. i'm glad y'all arent dissapointed, but i hope you dont give other indenpendant artists a hard time when their song preview doesnt live up to the hype they have no control over

[@itswhatever5043]

I love the line “Apologies for my tongue, but never yours” because women are expected to be quiet and submissive, not loud and outspoken like men. But the line also sounds like it could be “Apologies from my tongue” as women feel like they have to apologize for every little thing while men get a free pass. Simply amazing lyrics.

[@amyr9909]

This song has so many lines that hit you like a sack of bricks that it's easy to miss some of them like this one here. Thank you for pointing it out.

[@iicriss5648]

!!!

[@KolyaUrtz]

Too bad it's completely disconnected from reality

[@girlgamer6678]

​@shizotericar4524 dude, it's absolutely a thing. By all means my dad isn't abusive, at least not to me and it's not like he yells at or beats my mom but my dad's always asking for the littlest things and when he doesn't get that he sorta makes a fuss, my mom apologises for the smallest shit and can't talk back to him without being silenced, demeaned or ignored. It's not like he's the worker and she just takes care if the house, neither. She works more hours than him and makes more money, and he does pretty much nothing either than work a couple hours, does manual labor and does the taxes sometimes. Like I appreciate him and love him, he's a good guy, does what he can and is a caring father but women are absolutely silenced and have to apologize for speaking.

[@mishidesu]

@@KolyaUrtz Probably from yours but your reality is not everyone's reality.

[@bellabreene6507]

I showed a man this video and he said it was “too confronting” as if it’s not our everyday

[@Therian13]

Man vs Bear.

[@thealmightybucket5930]

@@Therian13 bear

[@Dogwolf12]

@Therian13 as a sexual assault & harassment survivor, bear, every time. The bear won't kill for pleasure, and it won't SA me.

[@JohnMarston-lo5qk]

Man you women are so retar ded🤣🤣yeah..a human definetly uses the words "confronting" in his daily language. Go be the victims again.

[@JohnMarston-lo5qk]

@@Dogwolf12 I would choose the bear as well. Atleast the bear won't cry about every single thing and then falsely accuse me of a crime just because it got bored.

[@sevengoeke412]

Out of all the incredible lyrics in this song, for some reason, "It's not an act of love if you make her" remains hitting the hardest for me.

[@danielleharmon6025]

Yes! That is one I keep whispering all day.

[@lanternure6122]

I don't usually comment but no one is talking about the plates. The song is literally about her being trapped in a loveless marriage and forced to be nothing but a tool for him, all the while he's eating off of a Blue Willow. The pattern on that dish is supposed to tell the story of a true love that was denied by the bride's father and ended in the couple becoming birds so they could be together. Her plate is a Blue Onion, based on a Chinese design that featured an Aster and a pomegranate. Asters represent many things in different cultures, but most notably love, faith and purity. Pomegranates in China represent fertility and a blessed future among other things. They are literally eating off dishes that show what their marriage should have been. Love, devotion and happiness but that's not what it ended up being. It's such a subtle detail and I love it. (also, although the design didn't originally feature an onion, I think it should also be noted that the word onion comes from the Latin word unio which, if I remember correctly, means unity or to unite.

[@barbaragordon_]

Such a cool detail, thanks for explaining

[@jnannadavid6114]

There's such a long long history of women's secret languages used to communicate when they were cut off, isolated, and abused by the patriarchal societies they had to survive under. Flowers and Fans in England were well known, but even using the plate settings in this music video is amazing. I would never have put it together without you pointing it out and I am so grateful that you did! Nushu is another women's language that comes to mind and has such a rich history. I feel like there is a huge movement growing within the universal sisterhood of women on this planet, where we are starting to give voice to the long legacy of warnings our mothers and grandmothers were forced to whisper or desperately symbolize without hope of escape. We live in a world where we can finally speak these things out loud, and join together in the fight to fix them.

[@NTLN-N]

Learned something new. Though, this isn't the case just for loveless marriages, even men who genuinely love their wives too often sit back and expect to be served. I'm so tired of everything.

[@aiden3627]

This is amazing I couldn’t even see the design, good catch. And thanks for explaining!

[@cazgreen_]

​@@NTLN-NThat's not really love if he's sitting back and expecting her to serve him.

[@jennifervan75]

"So he never lifts a finger" has 3 meanings. 1.That he never does any work. 2.That he won't abuse her. 3.That he won't acuse her. (Pointing)

[@4leftclovers]

This is my favourite line from the song actually.

[@saoirsejb]

Astute. Yes.

[@rebekahrutledge1633]

That is an amazing insight! Love it❤

[@whatever4350]

Abuse sounds more logical

[@jennifervan75]

@@whatever4350 all 3 ways can be interpreted

[@janetrhodes0610]

This song has hit me hard. I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years. I was always last. I worked full time, I was a baby machine, I was held down in every way. I left for my health and safety and for my children's. I have done my best to teach them a better way. We cannot go backwards. We cannot raise our daughters in a world where they will end up with less rights than us or their grandmother's. I am deeply concerned by what I see happening in North America, especially the USA. Rise up sisters!! We have to fight for our rights!

[@lucreziabenelli4521]

This song is like 1000 times better than I could’ve ever imagined. It really captures the feeling of being a woman during all History. It has such feminine rage that we can all feel it through the screen

[@ilsedevries2529]

Have you heard her song 'fruits' ? It is also a lot of femine rage combined with witch vibes

[@lucreziabenelli4521]

@@ilsedevries2529 I actually did. Thanks to TikTok I did a tour of all her music, and I’m utterly in love with “fruits”. But thank you anyway for the suggestion ☺️

[@aceonmaces_dolphins]

I totally agree and I also want to point out to support your statement that when she's eating the pomegranate, it splatters and it stains her fingers and chin. It resembles blood and the eaten pomegranate bears a scary resemblance to organs. I think that part really exemplifies the female rage that the video is projecting where she's so angry from the mistreatment that her husband shows her and that's a murder stare if I've ever seen one.

[@lucreziabenelli4521]

@@aceonmaces_dolphins Yes, I totally see what you’re saying. I also loved that she seemed to enjoy eating the pomegranate, and with that regain the power she lost while with him, and “freaking him out”

[@damepasty9203]

​@@lucreziabenelli4521 I have heard that the fruit that Eve actually ate that got her and Adam kicked out of the garden of Eden was mistranslated as an apple. They say it was more likely a pomegranate.

[@expectopatronummf]

This is to my grandmother, a delicate elegant lady, a true artist who was married off at 12 to a 27y old cave man . And to my great grandmother, a 14y old slave who died giving birth , and no one remembers her name because she didn't even speak their language 😢. * I can now paint , hike , say no to marriage, become a doctor , take dancing classes , have my own money ... Thank u for the sacrifices❤

[@harleyloraine7699]

Your grandmother and great grandmother would be so happy to hear that 🥺😢

[@gie4349]

Yes! Their sacrifices aren't in vain. ❤

[@yanshi1797]

God bless these women. Lots of love to you I'm proud

[@triveniarora6575]

Oh man this comment is so powerful. ✊

[@EvelynCostanza]

Poor girls…just innocent children

[@Kacierepellla]

My mom just left my abusive dad after 37 years of emotional torture, and I am beyond proud of her. I just sent this to her, if you see this mom, I love you!

[@dont_harsh_my_mellow]

Congratulations! I’m sure your mother is deserving of better. 🎉

[@Country--teen]

You GO girl :D happy your out of thay

[@majasteinchen]

Hey, Kacies Mom! You are not alone! You can be proud of yourself. I wish you a lot of strength and love ❤

[@pcplumx4367]

I'm currently trying to find the strength your mother had

[@lovematilda]

@@pcplumx4367 i have faith in you!!!

[@notthegoodgirl]

Paris Paloma is the only writer of this song and it is nothing short of perfection. Can’t stop listening.

[@AppreciativeViewer]

These lyrics dig to every woman's core. Therapist, mother, maid, nymph, virgin, nurse, servant, baby machine, an appendage or accessory to someone else's life and dreams. Women are expected to be selfless and do so much "labor" without it even being regarded as such. Why do you suppose self-indulgence and independence are so sought after? Why is it a high bar to want a partner, but not want to become their mother?

[@jooniesbonsai4064]

And the worse thing is that they even get praised for being selfless when they should have never given up those things in the first place, which even encourages this kind of behaviour, idk if i should say this but it's better to be selfish in this case

[@untitledgaming9081]

@@jooniesbonsai4064 to an extent because we don’t want people stealing from their lover just to buy stuff for themselves. So maybe a little selfish but not full on narcissistic

[@sarcasticallyrearranged]

untitled gaming What in the hell are you on about? Stay on topic because you’re babbling about someone stealing from their lover?

[@SpiritualBabydoll]

Correct

[@Firsona]

@@untitledgaming9081 I think you missed the point. It's not as much about materiel things, though that's a part of it. No one is saying you should use someone. What we're saying is culturally we were taught that we should not even want to have time or space or things for ourselves. We should be happy to support someone else our entire life.

[@drendraleigh4722]

I love the imagery of her tearing down the food and gave him a teethy smile, it's all the things woman are not suppose to do. I love the way she acted through the MV, iIt looks just like how many women act when they are so exhausted they couldn't keep on. Silent, questions, and just gone. I love the way the last chorus sounds like the echoing from the woman generations ago and generations to come while you asked him over and over again in the background 'If our love dies would it be the worst thing?' and he sits there looking flustered, angry, and defeated, yet did nothing to comfort the women he supposedly love. I love the use of the table because it reminds me of the things guys like to say ; 'what do you bring to the table?' It's almost like we screams with you that 'All of this are mine. My affaction, my emotions, MY LABOUR. MY FOOD, MY TABLE' so you gauge yourself with the love that you decided to take for yourself for the last time before you go.

[@lilac.2858]

Beautiful analysis, this comment was really interesting to read!

[@luizaferreiradacosta95]

I love the symbolism of her eating a pomegranate, a symbol for fertility and death in Hades and Persephone's myth

[@drendraleigh4722]

​​@@luizaferreiradacosta95 Yeah, just hammering down how much had been 'taken' from her and her mother(so like, generations of women). Also in the myth what Hades did was not considered 'wrong' at the time since Persephone's father(Zeus) already gave her up, because the women has no say in the matter of marriage. The verse about how a daughter would suffer in the same cycle fits real well here too. Also in the original myth Demeter also was able to save her daughter from an eternity in hades by basically neglecting her 'labour' and stop 'giving' as her role as a goddess should be therefore forced the men's hand to give her back her daughter.

[@multigamep1ayer]

I wish more women from Bangladesh, India and Pakistan, Afganistan, Eritriea, Senegal, Ethiopia listened to this song.

[@droolie.]

I'm listening..

[@bearlovesmelanie]

men*

[@FoAl-h2b]

​@@bearlovesmelanie😂

[@erinlong3963]

I have never in my life been excited for a song to come out! Until now!!!

[@justpurekhaos]

Me too!!! This is the first time I've literally counted down the days for a song release. So hyped!

[@dliouk]

Me too! ❤

[@georgia9029]

weve been blessed this month by her and hozier

[@pamelabrennan5619]

@@georgia9029 fact

[@lilok.d8291]

Same!!!

[@egghead_felix]

This song is the most perfect representation of female rage I've ever seen. I have chills.

[@lovemycats2009]

agreed! especially when the little girls are screaming along to the song in the background. gives literal chills

[@MushroomCloudOfDoom]

Ditto. Had this on repeat for two days now and I’m ready to start a riot. Feminine rage is such a powerful thing

[@salaahkhayr2398]

Imagine men make one because of military, blue collar jobs, war!!! But hey, men have it so easy damn lol.

[@l.r.4006]

​@salaah khayr those are seperate issues. this song is specifically about abusive relationships that women get trapped in. How about instead of complaining here, you make your own music?

[@salaahkhayr2398]

@@l.r.4006 I’m pretty sure it’s more about things women are socially associated with more than abuse. Tc

[@nonbinaryaugust6587]

“It’s not an act of love if you make her.” Can we just talk about inclusive this lyric is? It includes women that have survived hundreds of different backgrounds and undergo mass amounts of trauma, bringing it into light in a song that has almost 10 million (as of now) views. Fucking genius.

[@miyounova]

@@thiey439 that particular line though, refers to marital/conjugal rape.

[@HexagonSun990]

@@thiey439 she wasn't lmao

[@Stettafire]

​@@HexagonSun990She deffo was

[@cosmictg]

it's an anthem. it's a movement. so powerful.

[@ladyofrillwater]

Some things I noticed about this video: She's well-groomed, well dressed, her hair is done and her makeup beautiful. By contrast, he's dressed down and comparatively slovenly. He eats in a messy, brutish way in front of her, tearing at things with his hands despite the beautifully made table setting. Yet when she does the same, he's at first awkward and then irritated. He notices she's upset, but doesn't care. It's not until she snaps and is open and blunt and abrasive about it that he responds, and even then he only squirms and refuses to meet her eyes.

[@untitledgaming9081]

Here’s another thing to notice. When the camera shows her from the front, she has candles all around her and he has very few candles around him when the camera shows him from the front showing how much she has to do vs how much he has to do

[@starsilent9961]

That last line of the paragraph. When I finally get angry and confront my abuser with the truths and proof of his abhorrent behavior he can never meet my gaze. Like he's ashamed. Good he should be.

[@Firsona]

I've lived this. Supposed to do it all and be perfect through it. Validate, support, comfort, fix. And in the end, he refused to change anything. He doesn't want it different. It's comfortable and pleasant for him. Just enough to quiet you for now..until it can't be quieted any more.

[@rebecca4096]

He poisoned her, his ring is a ring that holds poison. When he is turning it, it shows he is wearing one. He is posieneing the food by reaching across the table. She is conditioned by him and automatically messes with her ring nervously and then he hits the glass and she goes to attended to the table, like she is conditioned to do but instead sits down and eats the food. As soon as she starts eating he stops and hangs his head because he knows what he has done. The camera pans back to her at the end and she is gone because she fell to the floor, poisoned. My husband pointed this out to me because he said he use to have a ring just like it.

[@sharonagresta-siekerman8601]

​@@rebecca4096 how could she be poisoned if she ate the pomegranate??

[@sinbingaming4419]

I don't know if it was an intentional artistic choice or just how it sounded best to her, but the fact she doesn't necessarily get loud throughout the song is interesting to me. You can hear the anger in her voice, yeah, but she doesn't YELL like I've seen some people want her to. The background voices get louder/cry out at one point, but the singer herself keeps her voice relatively level. Makes me think about how women's anger is meant to be quiet. Palatable. If a woman acts out or yells in anger, she's seen as hysterical, crazy, and over-reactive. She's supposed to keep it to herself, or at least keep it quiet enough that people can ignore it or brush it off. Even when she's digging into the food with her hands, she's still covering her mouth at times before seemingly not caring anymore. Her anger is controlled. She gets FIRM, but not loud, and I find I actually like that better than the idea of her going on a yelling rampage.

[@anneascott]

wow, I didn't realize that. you are absolutely right, perfect explanation. thanks for this comment.

[@LordOfTheUnderworld]

Its like a post i read once going something like this: Its between a human and a werewolf Human: "How can you not be angry?" Werewolf: "I am angry," the werewolf said. "But unlike you, I dont have the luxury of showing it without being called a monster. Without someone taking it as a sign of proof that i needed to be put down like a rabid dog" H: "But everyone gets angry... Thats human." W: "Up until the point when you're not human" Its an amazing metaphor for anyone that is othered by society. When a woman is angry, shes called intolerant. When a dog bites, its called rabid. No one asks why the woman was angry, or why the dog bit. Even though they had all the right to be angry, no one cares.

[@Coffee-ve8ub]

I was thinking of that too how women are expected to stay quieter even when angry or were called sensitive or hysterical. It also made me think of how when people suffer from things like what she talks about in her song and many other things that can cause exhaustion and depression a person can feel something like anger but be too exhausted to really express it or not be able to show it, and to me it sort of sounded like that too with the one tone of voice she uses through the song never changing volume

[@chesirecat1000]

She goes against what is a common portrayal of female rage: a quiet, seething rage that is even more frightening than the loud one. Because when a woman is quiet, you know that she doesn’t have any ounce of care in her body anymore. Quiet women are the scariest, imo.

[@hillmidget1326]

Beautiful take on it

[@Smulenify]

For some reason this made me think of a Norwegian folktale I haven't heard since I was a child. There is a husband who is always angry and constantly complains about his wife not doing enough at home; so one night the wife offers to switch places the next day, and the husband happily agrees. It goes terrible and the wife eventually comes home to find him stuck upside down in the porridge pot. I used to love hearing it as a kid, a grumpy man who gets taught a lesson and all. Now however it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I see how deep of an issue it still is today.

[@jeannedarc8580]

Do this folktail has a name ?

[@Smulenify]

@@jeannedarc8580 "Mannen som skulle stelle hjemme" is one of the names, it translates to "the man who was supposed to take care of the home".

[@jeannedarc8580]

@@Smulenify Thank you !

[@ShipperTrash]

The most unbeliaveable part is the husband agreeing to try this

[@boredperson1185]

Im not getting married like EVER

[@laminshanizam5488]

Bruhh .. her songs are so dark feminine .. I already love her ✨

[@ameciadestiny]

this is quite literally a song just for women in general not just some dark feminine aesthetic it has actual meaning and significance lol

[@paigenicole3469]

@@ameciadestiny dark femininity isn’t an aesthetic. it’s the part of society that has been shunned all over the world. this is dark femininity in a song because it’s all the words we have been screaming inside that want to come out. this song is a perfect example of dark femininity.

[@Breathefreemylove]

It’s about misogyny and sexism against women. Don’t romanticize oppression

[@darwi_briste4624]

Dark feminine is a brutal reality, not some trope in various artistic media, and having lived it and facing it AGAIN, the very concept kills women.

[@jorilynpeterson2018]

@@paigenicole3469 YES 👏🏽 And art is an extremely powerful form of expression as well. This is a beautifully raw work of art.

[@Catseye189]

My marriage fitted to song! I worked, he refused to work. He had an "oops" and I got pregnant. I raised the children, cleaned the home, payed back his debts when he stole from people. I treated the infections when he cheated on me. He was always so snide, so condesending, mean. Free (divorced) 13 years this July!!!!

[@moonlitSapphire3691]

So proud of you! Wish you all the best!❤

[@RevyT-js7ui]

The fact that I haven't had an infection since I kicked out my ex and reading this is MINDBLOWING (2 and a half years)

[@Catseye189]

@@moonlitSapphire3691 Thank you so much!

[@Catseye189]

@@RevyT-js7ui Right! Good for you

[@A_Latte-CoffeCup]

Good job ❤ Wish you the best for you and your children

[@MollyKewl]

Me: unmarried, child free and financially stable. Relating so hard to this song for some reason and glad to my fore-mothers for giving me a chance to escape the drudgery.

[@moneypowerglory.]

we broke the wheel, our mothers and us.

[@aubreyaubrey66699]

Happiness in slavery then?

[@lexa2310]

Yeah. If the sufragettes hadnt been so loud and extreme for their time we probably wouldnt have halve the freedom we have now.

[@lexa2310]

​​@@aubreyaubrey66699No. Thats why womens-liberation was such an Important thing.

[@Abby-gx4qi]

@@aubreyaubrey66699 what feels like slavery for you may not feel that way for someone else. I'm a housewife and I love it but I totally understand why people wouldn't choose it. Everyone should have a right to choose how they spend their life.

[@angiespringer6828]

I’m in an amazing marriage with my husband. But I feel this to my core. My women ancestors here this and it’s like a battle cry.

[@vaevictis3905]

Maybe It's strange, but as a man I can relate with this song. Actualy its my favorite. Always reminds me to my mother, who raised me alone, and my father who left us for a new family. My mother is a fucking hero. Mom! This song for you. 🥰

[@FabiolaLopez-t1s]

😊❤I also dedicated it to my mother

[@solala1312]

I'm glad you are thankful for your mother's sacrifices and that she was a supportive parents to you. I met many men unfortunately who resented their single mothers because of the lack of male role model. not all parents are perfect but I think single mothers have it way harder than single fathers.

[@SaritaSingh-dx8lv]

❤ yes to loving and strong mothers

[@todiewasanart9037]

You are a wonderful person 💞💞

[@hadssecret]

❤

[@jodirook71]

A man may work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done.

[@Bell_plejdo568p]

How is it never done?

[@wasifabul2545]

@@Bell_plejdo568p basically they mean to say that motherhood and taking care of the house is work that is never truly complete

[@prettytopia]

​@@Bell_plejdo568phis work ends when he leaves the office. The woman comes back from the office and does chores, otherwise she's called a gold digger.

[@lionkingflo6355]

​@prettytopia thats why both should do the work and help each other

[@prettytopia]

@@lionkingflo6355 in most families the man doesn't help and the woman doesn't have it in her heart to let her kids suffer in muck, hence she does all the housework.

[@honeychild8525]

The "For somebody I thought was my saviour" rings very true to me - a lot of troubled young women think they have found someone to save them but in fact its just another abuser.

[@wompusslompus5424]

This is what I'm paranoid about. Who's to say the next partner isn't the same? Are we running from one prison into the cage of another? What if we don't really know who they are until it's too late?

[@ravenvalentine9823]

​@@wompusslompus5424I just left a physically abusive relationship and this exact thought crossed my mind. I guess the best choice is to never let anyone put us there in the first place. Never give someone an inch. It hurts, for ourselves and for the people we meet moving forward but walls are required for a stable building. Always have a go bag, never have a combined bank account, pick up a hobby around self defense or a weapon, (archery, HEMA, etc.) and live like minimalist. Makes packing much easier to leave.

[@elysses]

@@wompusslompus5424I was abused as age 15 by my adult neighbor who was 35, I escaped at 18 only to get wrapped up another abusive relationship when I was 19. I left him at age 21 and a year later I met my current boyfriend. I can just tell he wouldn’t lay a finger on me. You can tell by their actions, if they are rude or mean to other people, then they will be to you eventually. If they are aggressive towards others often, they will be aggressive to you. My current boyfriend insulted me once during a fight, he saw how much that hurt me and never did it again. A good person will know right from wrong and choose right, while someone with deep issues will choose the wrong choice often. I guess what I’m saying is, you get this gut feeling, especially if you’ve been in a bad relationship before. If you haven’t, still listen to your gut, if they make you feel bad, worthless or even not good enough, they will continue to do that because they are a broken person, you are not the issue, they are. If your boyfriend hurts your feelings or makes your uncomfortable, be VOCAL about how he made you feel, if he is a good healthy minded person he won’t do it again, if he fights or continues to do it, he will never change and it’ll only get worse

[@Arun71150]

‼️‼️

[@prettytopia]

​@@wompusslompus5424I've never even been in a relationship and I'm so scared cuz what if he's abusive 😭

[@bribaby5212]

“It’s not an act of love if you make her” 🥺 I wish someone said that to me long ago.

[@TheCrimsonPope]

The line "For somebody I thought was my saviour / You sure make me do a whole lot of labour" sits with me the most, because as women (mostly before Gen Z) we are sold this myth, this "promise" that marriage is the best dream ever, to meet "a prince" plan a wedding, and when you "catch" a husband this is the ultimate win for a woman... but then the reality is a wall of weaponised incompetence and the "dream" is serving and just being a second mother and servant for the man who does not understand any of that OR us as women and they mostly don't even care to try.

[@aspannas]

I realized this very early on as a child seeing how my dad treated my mom like a slave. Most men truly don't view women as people and as their equal which is why they're so fine with letting a woman alone take care of the emotional and domestic load, we're below them according to them.

[@za685]

So well put! Women were seriously tricked into thinking that marriage was going to be their biggest accomplishment, they just got trapped honestly

[@EmilyTotallynotbees]

When I realized I was a lesbian at around 12 I thought that I would never be happy because I would never have a husband, which is so extremely fucked up looking back.

[@saturnreturn272]

Men think we were born this way and it comes easier to us to cook, clean, and be the primary/sole parent and organiser of all aspects of domestic life. That’s why they have no guilt leaving all these tasks to us. And once we do have children with them they think we will never leave them because single mothers are valued so low by most men. So men and husbands eventually become lazy and women are forced to pick up the extra work at home whilst often working outside the home too. This song is amazing at calling that out.

[@SuperbFairy]

@@saturnreturn272 it's important to bear in mind that as much as you dislike people making assumptions about women as a whole, it looks hypocritical when you generalise an entire gender in response, the opposite of what you were praising

[@lonesheep8697]

Powerful. My mother always said women would be the last to ever be considered equal. As a singer, she would've loved to have been alive to witness this song.

[@tinaspvalizada2251]

i’m sure she witnessed it and i’m sure she loved the fact that you thought of her to this song❤

[@ladyofrillwater]

I remember when the Democratic primary of the 2008 election in America was happening, my mom and dad disagreed on who would win. My dad argued that America was too racist to ever put a black man up as a candidate, and so Hilary Clinton would be the candidate. My mom said that sexism would win out over racism. She was right.

[@NormallyImKim]

@@ladyofrillwater Sadly...

[@snickeringpigeon4370]

Hm. I don't agree with that. Black women effectively didn't have the right to vote until 1965 and it's a proven fact that black women earn less than white women for the same job (and women in general earn less than men, as I'm sure you are aware). Black women also have a shorter life span than white women and have a higher maternity rate. The list of examples goes on an on. Point being: I think in plenty of situations racism still outweighs sexism. However often they go hand in hand. Even today in the US they try to keep black people from voting via voter ID laws and discriminatory designing of voter districts and number of voting booths. Both people of color and women still don't get treated as equals.

[@ladyofrillwater]

@@snickeringpigeon4370 Oh certainly. Obviously the situation was more nuanced when it comes to broader ramifications of race and gender, which is why intersectionality is so important. The experience of a white woman is different from that of a black woman, and a black man's experience is different from that of a black woman.

[@gwritesss]

I'm not even a wife yet, not even a girlfriend, but this song took a chainsaw to my soul. Sitting here silently while my rage is simmering for every women going through this.

[@Michael-st9ky]

No one dares mention what the men go through

[@cabitsuchild9700]

@@Michael-st9ky women aren’t in positions of power to change things for men. But everyone women I know agree things are bad for men too hence this song about Labour I for one would be more than happy to split chores and work full time the main problem being have the choice to do this I’ve met many men who have these picket fence dreams who don’t want their women to have equality- feminism helps men and women

[@cutmehtwice]

@@Michael-st9ky Bro, why should women sing a song for us lmfao 💀. It’s our own fault anyways, since we were the one who created the goofy ahh standards anyway. Stop crying and go make a song if you’re so mad.

[@drea7421]

​@@Michael-st9ky bet u never actually mention mens issues unless its to undermine womens😂

[@strawberrysangria1474]

@@Michael-st9ky So, when's your song coming out, or did you want Paris Paloma to do that for you? You make her do too much labour!

[@grantairias]

theres so much symbolism in this video ive watched it like 15 times and can still pick up new things. my personal favourite detail is that he has a full unlit candle next to him and the one she lights at the first chorus is already half gone and slowly disappears until the end of the song when it’s literally burnt out. then theres the fact the first time she sings the chorus it looks like she's trying to have a calm conversation but looks hopeless because she's said it all before, he doesnt hear her at all. during the second, she starts actually expressing her frustration at the situation and is clearly trying to be heard but he still cant hear her. by the final chorus shes given up on being nice and following the rules laid out for her, she decides fuck this, i dont care anymore and essentially checks out of the relationship. its only when she "loses her shit" or whatever else men say just before theyre broken up with, that he can even hear or acknowledge her. at first he laughs as if its a joke, then he becomes more and more uncomfortable. this mirrors so well what so many women go through trying again and again to have conversations with their partners who don't hear them until its reached the point she has to leave and then he'll tell his friends it "came out of nowhere!" because for him it did. i hear stories like this all the time.

[@eykyra]

I can't get over "the false incompetence is dominance under a guise", it's the most perfect line of these overall brilliant lyrics. It perfectly encapsulates this subtle yet infuriating way that the patriarchal society teaches women to voluntarily assume the responsibility of care giving and housework tasks while men grow up used to having things done for them so they abuse this privilege by expecting their partners to take on the job of their mothers or female caretakers and assume these tasks by default because "they are not as good at them", because they never actually put the effort to learn.

[@StaceyGray-mj3mj]

Perfectly said 👍🏻

[@Llkolii]

My ex weaponised incompetence, I didn’t know what he was doing at the time

[@Halvale]

@@Evija3000it's so funny and kinda ironic, when I have similar experience as you and I'm the one with ADHD. It definitely makes things more difficult but it's no excuse for doing nothing or not trying.

[@veratrindade5883]

Once I was told I did the doctors appointments for the children because I like it.😂😂😂 who likes making appointments and take care of schedules????

[@eykyra]

@@veratrindade5883 Ah yes nobody talks about the mental workload of organization but that's an entire thing as well. When we have to tell the men what needs to be done when and how and basically carry a schedule on our heads but then they'll go and say they're the ones with the logical thinking and we're too unstable to be in charge.

[@catrionathepoet130]

There honestly needs to be literature Grammy for lyricism. The double meaning for 'so that he never lifts a finger' (while he never does puts the work in/so he doesn't hit me). And for 'it's not an act of love if you make her' referring to working tirelessly to suit him...and exactly what else it sounds like when you remove the context of the previous lyrics.

[@eibteeda3317]

I thought the line might mean S.A

[@doggirl.]

@@eibteeda3317the line can mean whatever you interpret, I'm sure this song is meant for every women to find relatability

[@catrionathepoet130]

@@eibteeda3317 yes definitely.

[@catrionathepoet130]

@@doggirl. 100%, I feel like every woman can relate to at least a line of this song.

[@whatnow548]

I'm sure 'never lifts a finger' is only intended to mean 'never has to do anything for himself' and not 'doesn't hit me'. I know this because it's a popular phrase

[@chloee4729]

My mother blasts this in the car when my father is also in the car. The look on his face is always priceless. Still waiting for them to get the divorce papers over with.

[@kobainpeep7114]

Sounds totally healthy 😅 great 👍

[@Nick-ss7jb]

Yeah thats stupid

[@RunAround7510]

you are sick

[@aloevera5600]

Good on your mom, I hope this isn't too hard on you

[@anxietygirl_BIonroblox]

@@Nick-ss7jb no it’s not

[@swmblseries]

I'm really sad when I heard about my grandma's story. Her husband (my grandpa) let her do all the house works and made her labour a lot of children but didn't provide enough money to raise them. She died in the childbed in her 13th labour. (The child didn't survive either).As the children weren't raised with their father's love, they don't know how to share love with others including my dad. I realized a big difference between my mom who was raised with love and my dad who lacked in love. The aunts and uncles of my father's side do not share their feeling and less communication between each other. But my mother and her siblings were very warm to each other. Luckily my father is not a narcissist like my grandpa. Although he doesn't know how to express his feeling, he still love his children with actions and behaviors.

[@JabamiLain]

Might sound empty, but sending support here.

[@just_resa]

This song reminds me so much of my own family. My mom did EVERYTHING. She got up every morning before everyone else to make breakfast, then she had to wake up my dad, than my sister and me. She prepared our lunch, just for my dad to throw his away at work. She took care of my sister and me, cleaned the house, took care of the garden, cooked etc. And all of this while slowly turning blind, because of an eye disease. When my dad came home, he wanted a warm meal, so after a full day of hard work, she had to prepare him something. Sometimes I feel like the only reason he wanted a family, was because it looked good. On his days of he was just sitting around while she did everything. In the end, he cheated on her. In our home, while she was on vaccation with my sister and me. When he finally left she broke down. After all those years he put her down, he and his parents tried to destroy her after the break up and she had to take strong medication to get back on her feet. I personally didin't even realize it when he moved out. He was never there anyways. And now I haven't had contact with him in 9 years (exept for the times I'm forced by family, which I don't count). My mom is doing better. She's her own person again. The divorce was the best thing that could have happened to her. I look up to her, because I don't know anyone stronger than her. She had a shitty childhood and a bad marriage. But she was always there for me. Even when she was so tired, even when she couln't get up from the sofa because of depression, she was there for my sister and me and faught for us. But she deserved so much better. Now as an adult, I'm trying to be there for her. She's fully blind now and I'm trying to support her the best I can. I want her to have a happy life now. She deserves it so, so much. But my dad... He can go to the deepest depths of Tartarus for all I care. He tries to be in contact with me and he always plays the victim. But why would I feel sorry for him? Some people tell me, that I shouldn't bee like that, because he's my dad. I never chose him to be my father. And he never was one. A dad should care about his children. I only have one good memory with him and that's it. He was just never there. Different from my wonderful and strong mom.

[@iheardimnotalive.6054]

You have a great mom!! Lots of love, girl. We need to support each other now. Women need to stand up for other women. That's how we will come of out of this. By making each other know that you don't need to burn your flame to light up their world. That's Your light. You have full right to it. You shouldn't be expected to give it in the first place.

[@fakeaubrii]

❤

[@chaseykaluha3040]

Your story made me cry a lot because I can relate, but I wished my mom had the opportunity to enjoy the rest of her life that was unfortunately taken too soon... My dad claims he never wanted to leave us empty handed but his way of showing it was to be able to give a paycheck. He was always emotionally unavailable as a husband and father. He never stood up for us when my older half sister, his other daughter, started stupid drama and spread rumors about us. He actually went along with her lies. Thanks to his racism, I never had friends and was bullied. The last straw was 2016 when he acted like crap against a family. Thanks to his worst racist bullshit, I had to lie low the last 2 years of highschool because I had death threats. People wanted to kill me and my mom because we were also there with my dad but we tried to stop his scandal. He just dropped the ball on my mom and played victim. He never cared about her health, never bothered to even ask. He always ignored her and get passive aggressive when he didn't get what he wanted. He only knew to bring problems and disease to her... I distanced myself because I was scared of being treated the same way again just from observing him. Only when he needed help, he remembered my mom. Fast forward to the pandemic...my dad was one of those people who thought the virus is "fake". If it wasn't for my mom and I scolding him to take care of his damn self, he would've contaminated us sooner. Unfortunately in late August 2021, he did get contaminated from his job and refused medical care thinking "it was just a cold". My mom already had poor health and got contaminated from him... I had to call emergencies for her to be admitted to the hospital and throughout the whole September...it was her last fight. I miss her so damn much and I was in too much in shock to tell the doctors what really happened while my dad played the victim. He treated me with disrespect and dumped all responsibilities on me to take care of the house, finances, etc. He still gave me shit when I clearly told him I needed to take care of my health because I have scoliosis and throughout 2022, I developed muscle pain that I unfortunately am unable to get checked because I can't afford it and to hell with asking my dad for help. He disrespected my boundaries in not wanting contact with my half sister and forced me to spend time with her. My half sister always hated my mom for no reason when she should've questioned our father as to why he left. My dad had the audacity to invite her and her family to my mother's funeral when that was NOT what she wanted. That was the final straw for me and the ultimate betrayal for my mother and I. He tried to tear apart my relationship with my fiance who he begged to move in with us right after my mom passed away to be there for me emotionally. My father apparently never mentioned this detail with any of my relatives (mom's side) and only god knows what bullshit he said about my fiance to my half sister. At least my fiance was man enough to explain what he was going through and asked for my hand with permission. Of course, my fiance wanted to ask my mother for my hand, too, because he respected her a lot. My dad always belittled him just because he was financially broke when all he has done is help him with whatever he asked. Fast forward towards the end of 2022...my dad finally wants to act like a father but he can rot in his own guilty conscience and continue to self destruct himself for all I care. A few of my relatives have mentioned that my dad wishes he could open up to me but doesn't know how when in reality he doesn't even ask how I'm doing. He just asks for favors. So, I got a new job this January at a financial company and focusing on myself and my fiance. I also got my father a life insurance policy. If I can't beat him, I'll join him but only for my personal interests at this point. If he felt entitled to exploit who he claimed to love, I'll exploit him in return as well and just need to play my cards right. He can go fuck himself. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'll gladly give away his ashes to my half sister since she and her relatives claim they miss him a lot. I unfortunately couldn't have done much because my dad would laugh at my mom who insisted on wanting a divorce before and would tell her "haha, not yet"... I really fucking hate him and can't wait to get a place of my own. I've been taking therapy and doing better lately. I'm glad your mom is still by your side and is stronger than ever. Please cherish her. I wish my mother was still her and all I have found are things she gifted to me throughout my childhood and her clothes. Whenever I wear her clothes, it feels like my mother is hugging me. I miss her telling her stories and her teachings. I miss her voice because she was an awesome singer. I miss helping her cook and I make the same recipes to relive those moments... I never had time to grieve in peace until now.

[@just_resa]

@@chaseykaluha3040 Seems like we made each other cry. I feel so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how this must feel. Loosing my mom would be the worst thing for me. So I can't even imagine what you are going through. I hope you can somehow break contact with this awful side if your family. They don't deserve you at all. Your fiance also sounds like an amazing person and I wish you both only the best.

[@foufoulo._.z]

You see... I recently experienced something similar to this. But he still doesn't know that my mom knows and he keeps trying to manipulate all of us. I'm really sorry for everything that happened to our mothers. They deserve the world

[@ushijimawakatoshi2106]

The way she set the table so beautifully, and he just made a mess of feasting while she ate nothing. Nothing until she tore open the pomegranate and ate like she'd been starving, while he just smiled like her desperation and rage were funny. The way he didn't move when she left because his ego told him she needed him, when really, she's never going back and he will be lost until he can find some helpless maiden to manipulate. And then she'll set the table, wondering why he never looks at her.

[@fourleaves6877]

I personally saw the smile as forced. When he hits his glass and she refuses to start cleaning, he begins to look confused and lost. When she looks up with a grin, looking like she's just chewed a man's throat out, his reflexive return-smile and the way it /fades/ hit me as- "Oh, I'm uh, glad you're having fun, but this isn't funny anymore, I don't understand, what are you doing?" But I think any interpretation of art is valid, and this is absolutely a masterpiece.

[@purple66666]

The pomegranate also has hidden meaning. It was believed in ancient times that the pomegranate was the actual "forbidden apple". It's another jont to patriarchy. She's "sinning " by eating it. But the pomegranate also symbolisms the results of hard work and great wealth. She's finaly eating and enjoying the results of her hard work and she's doing it in a way that shows spite for him.

[@KATT2252]

@@purple66666 its also an ancient greek symbol for both death and fertility, another great hidden meaning

[@I_am_Lauren]

@@purple66666 The way she TORE into the pomegranate was such a great detail, coupled with the symbolism of that fruit.

[@kellythomas2059]

I was under the impression that she had to wait for him to finish eating before she was allowed to eat. That's the way it was and still is, in some cultures. Disgusting.

[@yashny]

Let's raise our children differently so our daughters don't have to go through this

[@yl508]

Sons too, so that they don't feel entitled to such servitude and get used to being treated like little babies by their wives who are not their maids

[@yashny]

@@yl508 yes definitely.. I think if we raise children of both genders with domestic skills then neither will feel entitled to be taken care of especially boys

[@yl508]

@@yashny as a mom of a baby boy, I couldn't agree more. I'll definitely show my son how to cook and do chores

[@yashny]

​@@yl508 I'm so glad to hear that from a mother! Your son will grow up to be a wonderful man. I wish you well :)

[@yl508]

@@yashny thank you, I wish you well too ✨️

[@paxet.]

fr paloma needs more recognition

[@Jess-y7c]

Trust me all the feminists know who she is including some swifties!! I agree with you though this song needs more recognition!!!

[@Lestheangel]

As a latina, its rlly deep in my families roots to serve their husband basically. Husband cheats? Ok its fine. He needs everything at his feet? Ok. Hurt her emotionally everyday? Ok. They stay, its a sad reality that woman are literally trapped in this system and its awful. Im glad people now are realizing this and speaking loudly about how unfair it is. This song helps me cope bc I always clean, cook, take care of the baby etc bc my brother wont help my mom 🧍‍♂️ yup. Im only 14 too

[@firstclasswaffles]

First, you should not be putting your age out there (no matter how old you are). Second, it's not ok if someone cheats they can give you STDs and I wouldn't wish gonorrhea on my worst enemy you can actually be sent to jail for transmitting it knowingly to someone else. While there are medications out there to hide or reduce suffering it usually leads up to an early death due to increasing complications to the body. There are some diseases that men carry that they are not screened for because it doesn't impact their health as much but it can kill women and pass on diseases to the child.

[@kay-wj3jx]

i’m an indian dating a latino, from colombia and i agree how deeply being housewife is rooted in his family. literally had a fight over how i’m lazy because he thinks i wouldn’t make a good “housewife” because i’m lazy, because i don’t like cooking. i’m 18 and i live with him, i do dishes, i do a lot of work around the house while he does the bare minimum and yet i’m the lazy one-

[@firstclasswaffles]

@@kay-wj3jx I'm seeing red flags and it sounds like you need to set some boundaries ASAP. You both do not have enough life experience (hopefully he's not an older guy because usually they know how to live and they're just pretending not to know to see if you're naive enough to fall for their lies) so it's not a good idea to live with someone else until you get a taste of working full time and then coming home to chores. It's exhausting. Working, setting doctor's appointments, researching things, running errands, laundry, fixing things that break, exercising, planning meals, cooking meals, etc. - you should both learn to take care of your own body and personal property first before trying to take care of the other person. Once you see how difficult it is just to maintain yourself for a year, it takes maybe 3 years to get used to living life confidently as an independent adult. You will realize you're not lazy at all and it's very tiring because domestic labor is just as taxing as work but worse because there is hardly any break. Hopefully he will realize it too so he will truly appreciate you. Also after those first few years working, you should have some emergency money saved up just for yourself in your own account just in case he breaks up with you or you need to leave him. You're not married to this man and at the end of the day his money does not belong to you so make sure to make your own money. Also consider couples counseling especially if you are from two very different cultures.

[@AlekL3]

​@@kay-wj3jxI really hope you leave that guy

[@kay-wj3jx]

@@firstclasswaffles no he’s not old infact he’s two months younger than me, he’s still 17 and i recently turned 18 but he thinks his mind works like a 40 year old and has many life experiences. He’s been through a lot of things in his life with emotionally abusive father and absent mother. He’s had a rough childhood and so do i, we both come from broken families so i do my best to support him mentally and physically. he’s definitely the traditional kind of guy where he thinks he’s the man of the house but the house we’re living im the one paying the rent, i get all the stuff for the house, we just moved in and i spend most of my money on the furniture, i went to ikea alone and got heavy ass furniture by myself so it’s a little disappointing that he doesn’t appreciate all that i do and i have done for him. I love him and i’m giving him some time to realize how good of a girlfriend i am because i’m confident enough to say this because of everything i do. I wouldn’t be moving in with him at this point but due to unfortunate circumstances i have to. I was assaulted and i had no where else to go so he took me into his house and his family is really nice too. He’s never been in a relationship, he’s hooked up with many girls and broken many girls hearts but he gave me a chance and that’s why i like to think this relationship is special in its own way. I just hope as we grow and mature and we graduate highschool this year, we become stronger and he realizes his flaws and become a better man! I also got pregnant by him and had to get an abortion because we’re not ready to become parents. The worst part is when i tell someone all this, they except that we must’ve been together for 2-3 years but that’s not the case we’ve been together for 6 months and everything happened too fast, i don’t regret it but i hope he can change his mindset when it comes to women because he thinks less of us

[@berriexcream]

My mom was a housewife didn’t want to be but my disgusting father coerced her into it, had her believing she couldn’t do it on her own. Up until their divorce I watched her lay out his clothes, make dinner, make his bed, make his plate, she’d be up at 2am with a hot breakfast and his lunch packed for him. The house would be spotless by the time we got home at 4pm-for years I watched this and that man never gave her a single thank you-not one. I have completely gone no contact with my father after everything, he truly is the reason I have trust issues.

[@ujiiiiosjwwj4jr]

I'm so sorry no woman deserves this :(((

[@foggylegg6362]

To all people, you don't reap if you don't sow. If you don't put the work in, you will have no one who cares.

[@berriexcream]

@@foggylegg6362 excuse me? Are you implying that the abuse my mother and I went through isn’t valid?

[@mariadrinkstea2297]

💔 no words

[@mssuqiyomi]

I’m glad you went no contact with him. Hopefully he pays for what he’s done when his time comes

[@itsmejulia1]

Growing up I hated my mother, because she was always one small mistake away from a full-on rage she'd let out on me. Nowadays I start to understand why things were this way. She worked full-time, she took care of me, she cleaned the house every weekend and she cooked a warm meal for us every day. She was working 24/7 , of course she'd feel frustrated. And when my dad would come home from work, his work would be done for the day. I know my dad, and I know that if she'd asked for help he'd have refused. I understand her a bit better now, even though none of that excuses letting your frustration out on the child. My fiancé and I know better now not to let things get this way.

[@emiliakaakyo]

Thank you for sharing your experience for making the invisible toll on children visible and for looking back with empathy and compassion. Your mom was constantly in survive mode and when in survive mode you are always one wave short of a shipwreck.

[@thebinlgbtisbabadook7832]

❤ i hope you heal. I was an unwanted child. My mom wanted to abort me but abortion is illegal in my country so she was forced to marry my dad be a stay at home mom. He didn't force her to stop her career dreams, but the elders in our clan did so I grew up receiving all her frustrations and hatred. Now that I am planning to have children, I am on my way to healing so I can avoid passing this trauma unto them. Wish you the best.

[@purpp-esque1711]

Well, how many hours a week would your dad work? If she's worked all day tending the house, why wouldn't she rest along with him? How big is the house? Can she not split the work in parts? Are you and your siblings running behind her obliterating the house?

[@itsmejulia1]

@@purpp-esque1711 They both worked 40 hours a week. My dad wouldn't have helped her, and asking him to help would have been in vain. They both grew up in the 60s , so I guess it's part of a "traditional" upbringing to assume that the wife takes on the housework. I don't have any siblings, and while I wasn't exactly a poster child, the chaos was usually confined to my room.

[@purpp-esque1711]

@@itsmejulia1 Oh, thats strange for both to be working in the 60s as cost of living was lower and 1 job could make a family subsist. They must have been poor.

[@idekanymore8361]

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” - Cesar A. Cruz I am disturbed, and I’m so comforted by this song. This song came out during my junior year in high school, when I was trying to recover and process being sexually assaulted, manipulated, and coerced by someone I chose to link up with for a period of time. At 3:03 the set of lyrics really captured my experience with the guy who terribly hurt me, as well as the rage, frustration, and how I did so damn much for his pleasure while he didn’t even consider mine and my proper consent. This song is so cathartic because I may never be able to get him to understand what he’s done, or even tell him how it all affects me; so, it feels amazing to have this song speak for me.

[@l33ki-atsuki83]

I like it when he laughs at first when she crams the pomegranate in her mouth, before losing his smile immediately when he realizes she's serious. 'Humor my silly wife, let her have fun, while she tries to make something of herself, but the second she actually starts to slips from my control...'

[@tomydismay]

Yessss that's one of my favorite scenes. He captures so much verbal aggression there without saying a word, including an earlier scene where he's eating while staring her down as if to challenge her to say something, to "forget her place" so he can remind her of it... and then she tears into that pomegranate indicating "challenge accepted". It's both astonishing and alarming how well Henry Hayward captured this type of toxic behavior from his subtle expressions to his overt disdain towards her resentment and ultimate rejection of the roles she's been fulfilling for him. Enough is enough.

[@detribli8877]

"I know you're a smart man and weaponise the false incompetence--It's dominance under guise." This line is so powerful.

[@amouramarie]

That reminds me of a scene from... Agent Carter? Where the guy in the office hands her a stack of folders and goes, "Can you refile these for me? You're just so much better at it," and she says sweetly, "Better at what? The alphabet?"

[@francessweeney2308]

Agent Carter replied with " What's that Agent Clark, the Alphabet? I can teach the alphabet. Let's start with words beginning with the letter a(he's an asshole in other words)"

[@kittykeight24]

My husband does this alot.... Normally to do with our kids. "well I don't know how". "you just do it better" :/

[@cry-piddawg]

I love this line too. We only communicate this pain because we know men are smart and capable enough to empathize and understand and change. I don’t hate them, if I did, I wouldn’t bother

[@rosealinescheuerman7183]

This line hit home. Truly the epitome of my last relationship.