Paruresis 2 Safety Behaviours

[@manuteboler]

This has honestly destroyed my whole life, if I can overcome this I feel like I can be anything I want to be, but this is holding me back from life, relationships, society, everything, causing severe depression, I don't know what to do

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Using the techniques in this series it is possible to significantly lessen the severity so you can go in more places and situations. CBT trained therapists can also help you. If they are not familiar with paruresis guide them to these videos. Also check out the International Paruresis Association in the US and the UK Paruresis Trust who run workshops.

[@numo69]

i feel the same way, ever since middle school I've never really been able to hang out with friends or family for long periods of time. Whenever I'm going on a road trip I suffer the whole trip. It feels like there's nothing I can do. If I just get rid of this I can be free. I can do what I really want to do. But it feels impossible

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

@@numo69 It does feel impossible at first but as you start to desensitise you will find that there are more situations where you will be able to go. Even a 30% improvement will open up your life considerably.

[@jakejones9579]

@manuteboler im a filipino, i feel you bro, same thinking if i can overcome this i feel like i can be want i want ..

[@narutogrg635]

Bro isnt there any kind of surgery that can solve this stupid problem. I am having problem even at home .

[@bytrusted7797]

Thank you for making these

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

No problem. Despite being quite common, its a subject that gets neglected in mental health information services so Im happy to fill that gap.

[@chronix24k5]

this is a major problem for me, i find that my biggest safety behavior is limiting my liquid intake so i dont have to pee but i find this giving me headaches often. the problem with this is im in high school and its very difficult to use the restroom without other people around. I really feel holding in my pee is hurting my health and would do anything to fix it.

[@Luca_L_M_]

i'm italian and i'm watching these series of video to try to have less anxiety... i hope so 🤞🏻

[@jetboy531]

I currently have 2 safety behaviors: - Pushing on my bladder to pee - Going to the washroom just in case However when I was trying to get rid of my previous safety behaviors. I didn't notice any improvement throughout getting rid of that safety behavior, I'm stuck on what to do next because this is going painfully slow because I want to be done with this after dealing with it full on for 7 months.

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

It takes time. Dropping safety behaviours for a couple of days will not bring instant resolution. Also are you sure that you don't have other safety behaviours. Some may be subtle. Also it is necessary to desensitise. Set realistic goals. Load up with fluid and start working your way up your desensitisation list. The good news is that because you have only had it 7 months progress should be quicker than people who have had it decades. However shy bladder is very stubborn and it can still take many months over even a couple of years to make a significant improvement.

[@jetboy531]

​​​@@TheAnxietyAtticI just figured out why I wasn't making progress, I went to other bathrooms after failing to void in a bathroom without knowing I was only allowed to go to the same bathroom. I would do each safety behaviors every week, 3x faster than you stated. And it worked for 3 weeks honestly I felt unstoppable so it was such a bummer wasting a month trying to figure out why I wasn't progressing. I was actually dealing with it briefly back in August of 2022 and I never used urinals before in my whole life so it all went down when I tried to pee in urinals without researching anything.

[@kongsite78]

Thanks again

[@aleczaguiar7878]

I have this super bad and it’s super annoying because I have school. There will be times where I hold it for like 2 hours until i find a restroom that no one is in. I have most of those safety behaviors besides alcohol and drugs obviously. I genuinely have to pee but I physically can not I’m constantly made fun of by my family because of it but it’s super hard. TMI but even at home it’s hard for me, I have to sit down and close my eyes just to pee. It really affects me because I’m ashamed of it. I got a UTI because of this, most likely because of the ling periods of time I’d hold my bladder in. It SUCKS.

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Sorry to hear of your struggles with paruresis. Your family making fun of you will not help. Paruresis is a type of social anxiety disorder. Maybe they do not recognise how serious it is. If you think it will help them understand, you could direct them to the UK paruresis trust www.ukpt.org.uk/ or if you are in the states the International Paruresis organisation. paruresis.org/ As for the condition, I would recommend that you continue watching the video series and applying what you learn. Behavioural experiments and desensitisation can result in significant improvements. It is difficult and takes time but if you put the effort in you can see a 95% improvement in the condition.

[@robertalkemade989]

yes all of the above is how i manage

[@OkayOkay-tw7vi]

Is sitting down rather than standing a common safety behaviour for a man?

[@jetboy531]

How do I prevent myself from relapsing? I relapsed in December and I know exactly what to do but I feel like if I indulge in a safety behavior too much I'll suddenly relapse, like I'm back at square one

[@orfrisbee2121]

Thank you very very much!!

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

You're welcome!

[@mellowb43]

I want to be comfortable in public restrooms especially in the mall I work in cause there's always a cleaner there. Someday's I'm successful other days I'm not.Even watching this makes me anxious but I'm positive Ill get better.

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Cleaners used to bother me but I went through the process shown in this series and they don't bother me now. Its not easy and it takes a long time but it is possible to reduce the severity of pauresis.

[@aditsaini5094]

​@@TheAnxietyAtticokay so i have been seeing this many times you are saying reducing it, so it means paruesis cant go completly, is it a human trait then? If it is, fuck humanity

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Like any anxiety disorder it may never completely go, especially if you have had it a long time. Years of safety behaviours programme the brain to think other people in public toilets are a (social) threat so it locks the bladder. Reduction of safety behaviours, behavioural experiments, and systematic desensitisation reprogramme the brain so that the bladder locks less frequently but the old programme is still in there somewhere. I have had paruesis for 34 years. Years ago I constantly avoided public toilets and if I had to use them my heart would race if someone came in. Now I use them all the time without any thought or anxiety and experience bladder lock only once or twice per year. It no longer has an impact on my life and Im happy with that. But it took a lot of work and it was a difficult journey. There is no quick or 100% fix and anyone who tells you different is probably just trying to make money. The only exception is if you have not had paruresis very long and treat it quickly then the chances of complete recovery are much better but most people don't seek treatment because they are embarrassed about it.

[@cielodog]

Great videos, very helpful! At 1”50’ the narrative is “” NOT being able to urinate”...is this right?

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Thanks Tony. Yes the narrative is 'NOT being able to urinate' because this in itself is not dangerous. But the social anxiety/ embarrassment about bladder lock drives ever more safety behaviours. Safety behaviours teach the brain that there is a genuine danger so it triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol which increase heart rate and shuts the urethral sphincter tight. The part of the brain that deals with fear is very primitive.

[@cielodog]

@@TheAnxietyAttic thank you Martin, clear now!

[@Tom-vk2rv]

Is it a safety behavior that i make sure i always go alone to the bathroom, like i dont mind strangers not seeing me pee but my friends i do mind.

[@TheAnxietyAttic]

Yes it is

[@Tom-vk2rv]

Its anoying cause i only developed it cause as a kid i could never pee while standing, while i now can obviously i cant do it at a standing urinal with people, i can do it a closed of stall but not one where its just out in the open, i hate the fact we ever have desgined those.