patton oswalt - ambien dreams & jerry maguire

[@johnroper1197]

I heard this joke 5 years ago. Fast forward to now, I just saw Jerry Macquire for the first time, I drank 8 beers while watching it, kinda drunk. I really enjoyed the movie. When he said "We live in a cynical world" I died fucking laughing, I suddenly remembered this Patton joke I heard years ago. Laughed so hard in fact I woke up my pregnant wife. Came to KZbin to relive the joke, thanks Patton lol. I will always have this on my mind.

[@BeeAre]

i absolutely love his tempo breaks for emphasis. "Capital idea, old sport! VOMIT."

[@Kiljaedenas]

"Put Scarlet Johannson's face on the chainsaw-titted clown"...Fuck I can't breathe!

[@tehremnantz]

I actually have chronic depression and one day i saw this special premier on comedy central and it turned my entire day around

[@lucyhellbroke]

I could be the worst kind of person, and say the most obnoxiously and nauseatingly trite of things... which is, well... You know how they say laughter is the best medicine... I know. I'm sorry. I can't help myself. But in all seriousness? I've suffered from severe and deep-seated chronic depression my entire life, as well literally crippling anxiety. As well as a whole host of other emotional and situational problems that, well, frankly? By themselves, make one hell of a case for Doctor Kevorkian. I'll just put it that way. But with all of the triteness of that previous comment, completely aside, honestly what has always and invariably helped me get over and through some of the absolute most devastating and Soul crushing moments in my life... It always has, always is, and likely always will be to the magic of Comedy. Legitimate, truly talented, relatable and compelling comics. That old expression, if I didn't laugh I would cry? It's been a lot more accurate to phrase it, if I didn't laugh, I'd have laid down and literally died. so yeah, I completely get it. And if your depression runs any way similar to mine, I know how completely exhausting that struggle is... But I can't recommend enough that, When things are getting really bad, hopefully before they do, you continue to seek out Comics that you resonate and relate to, and most importantly, who make you laugh. Keep on fighting, keep on laughing. And good luck.

[@ll2240]

@@lucyhellbroke your block of text gave me depression

[@Hilbilly655321]

My mom takes Ambien, and once we were both woken up at 12am by the fire alarm. When she came out of the house she said where's Carly (me), I said I'm right here, and then she said no, where's Carly, to which I said (more loudly) mom, I'm right here, to which she responded no, Carly, the little girl who lives here. It was like something out of The Grudge. Also once she took her pill but didn't go to bed soon enough and ate an entire cherry pie. Ambien's a hell of a drug.

[@yerk3]

"OH MY GOD, I'M SEEING DEAD KINGS!!!"

[@HotaruZoku]

I....dont get it.

[@41-Haiku]

Literally slapping my knee and wheezing at that line.

[@MuchKoku]

@@HotaruZoku It's a reference to an old Latin poem about 3 kings in the woods being confronted by 3 dead kings who warn them about the dangers of excessive pleasure and materialism.

[@SS3Jake.]

I think about the dead kings line probably once a month and it makes me laugh every damn time..I think I first heard it like 4 years ago 😂😂

[@Jesse__H]

That line fucking slays me 💀 That, and "Uncle Patton's naked puzzle basement."

[@patrickfitzmichael5940]

I love this guy. He's good with his words. His role on King of Queens was funny but masked his true talent. I am now realizing how funny he really is. Keep going Patton!

[@fezzik7619]

He was an English major in college. He’s very well-read and has a very good command of the language.

[@PennyDreadfuI]

Patton is likely one of his generation's best comedians. I'm pretty jaded and difficult to entertain, but he has me laughing aloud in almost every bit. It's probably because of his mastery of language.

[@lutz18692]

You know you're watching a Patton Oswalt video when half the suggestions are batman clips.

[@blastermasterguy]

(camera zooms in on Tom Cruise's tear-stricken face) Tom Cruise: WE....LIVE....IN A CYNICAL...WORLD! Patton Oswalt's Brother: FUCKKKKK YOOOUUUUU!

[@taurnguard]

Better bra ad after the video: "Are you tired of itchy tags, stiff cups, and metal underwire?" Me: "Then stop wearing a bra!"

[@chae1557]

Easier said than done 😂

[@thenaktrix2]

This is crazy. I took it the other day it felt like 50 parts of my brain were trying to dream at once. This is so accurate it's scary. I wish I had watched this first.

[@chaosapiant]

I once had butt sex on Ambien. My then-wife was into it and so was I. The next morning, I barely remember it, and she remembers nothing. Ambien...for Butt-Secks.

[@chaosapiant]

@@Rustikreign Well thank you!

[@chaosapiant]

@@Rustikreign That's how I roll.

[@VelvetVoice]

@@Rustikreign How is one supposed to “instantly” reply to a comment that is a year old already? 😂 I mean, jeez. Remind me never to ask you for a cup of instant coffee - I’d die of thirst! 😂😂😂

[@magzdilluh]

I once lived in a basement apartment and the landlord lived upstairs and would regularly take ambien. He would routinely eat in his sleep and one night set the house on fire because he put a cheese quesadilla thing in the microwave and set it to 20 minutes instead of two. That was an interesting night.

[@georgehays4900]

I like ambien. I do have some odd dreams. I usually get six hours of nice sleep, sometimes I awaken sort of mildly shocked or startled about what I was dreaming, need to empty my bladder. That done I drift of for another hour or two, wake up again similarly. Since I am retired I sometimes go back to sleep again then I’m up no hangover, clear, ready to go.

[@leemachado5286]

One of my all time favorite comedians!

[@pckrfan93]

"I'm seeing dead kings!" Holy shit, I forgot about that line! That Jerry Maguire joke is SOOOO good. One of my favorite stand-up jokes of all time; just going off of pure funny and not making a socio/political statement in the form of a joke.

[@warterbear8009]

Read that wrong at first

[@IETCHX69]

IFUCKING HHAATTEE WHENPEOPLETYPEINWHATHESAID . ANDTHENYOUOTHERRETARDSTHUMBSUP . >

[@jeremyc9593]

@@IETCHX69 It's called conversing, and is the exact same thing as when you talk to people in real life about movies or TV shows and discuss your favorite parts. It's a stupid fucking thing to get pissed off about.

[@Scavenger82]

Great, now if I ever watch Jerry Maguire, I won't be able to keep myself from laughing at that part. 🤣

[@jenburke605]

This is my happy place.

[@Cyge240sx]

His Jerry Maguire bit is on I heart radio I must've listen to that one over 1000 times I can recite it by heart. When he takes that pauses and says "my favorite Christmas memory of all time" in that evil Ratman voice that he has I get way too excited. That and in San Antonio we had the exact same galaxy multiplex

[@CavemanJesus4Life]

I saw the movie Identity, and the reveal of the killer at the end, I stood up and said "I KNEW IT!!!" Scared everyone in the theater. My Proudest moment.

[@lucyhellbroke]

Oh my God, I love that twist at the end of that movie. As I remember, I saw it in theaters, and I also predicted the twist at the end well in advance, as well, haha. :-) And hardly anybody remembers that movie. It's honestly one of my favorite movies and guilty pleasures. I find the plot as well as the way that they executed it very intriguing.

[@jackxiao9702]

I thought it was a good movie

[@Thagros]

I lol'ed so fucking hard when I first listened to the Jerry Maguire story on the album. Thanks for uploading.

[@sarahbarkley9714]

I just got the news; my thoughts and heart goes out to you, Patton, your daughter, and your family on the passing of your wife.

[@Hermunkle]

R.I.P. Return If Possible

[@GeorgeNoory42069]

In what world would you believe that Patton Oswalt would see a random comment on a random youtube clone video of one of his specials?

[@BikesAndBatallas]

In what world would a random person feel the need to comment on someone other random person's comment intimating heartfelt condolences? Well, I guess this world.

[@Theevil6ify]

I remember when I took some ambien once. I didn't go to sleep for hours, though. It felt like I was on a fucking LSD trip. I swear to God, I'm not kidding, I thought all the furniture in the room were all my best friends (not resembling particular best friends irl, but they just seemed like "people" that I really liked) and that the moon was "spying" on me. Like I'd done something bad and it was going to get me. Then, some time after it took effect, a friend came into the room and started watching some lesbian porn, just disregarding me being all fucked up. And the moments where I actually paid attention to what was on the screen, I didn't get sexually aroused at all (like I probably would while sober), but I literally started to cry a little, and thought of it as "beautiful". Not hot or sexy, but "beautiful", like an art piece or something. But then I finally fell asleep. I didn't try it again, but I get what Patton's saying. It's very trippy, depending on who you are.

[@JoggingOnTheMoon]

***** I dig that story. I used to take it all the time - had to, unfortunately, due to horrific insomnia, but i remember i had a lot of great, colorful visions on the ceiling of my pitch-black room in that pre-sleep half hour oswalt talks about. a couple of other things i remember pretty clearly: *a conversation with painted James Dean (I had Boulevard of Broken Dreams hanging over my bed) * another conversation with the characters in some Harry Potter painting, which also hung above my bed, despite the fact that I'm not a Harry Potter fan. I guess I just liked the Van Gogh-type style of it. And they weren't just one-way conversations, either - those sons of bitches were talkin' back.

[@Theevil6ify]

JoggingOnTheMoon Yeah, it works to put you to sleep by sort of "activating" or turning on the unconscious mind, which is the part of your brain that works when you sleep and makes you dream, which theoretically should put you to sleep. But sometimes it doesn't, and you're left having a dream while still awake, which explains the trippiness. It's just an "awake dream". I actually feel like taking it again now...

[@JoggingOnTheMoon]

***** me too, all this talk (type) about it is getting me nostalgic

[@dariendude17]

***** Shit dude, sounds like a party!

[@warterbear8009]

I can only imagine. Only experiences ive had with pills. Vicodin - thought i was talking to my friend for hours and it wasnt real at all. Clonazepam (spelling?) thought clouds were coming out of my feet.

[@AmyNumberSeven]

I'm addicted to ambien and loved this whole bit.

[@illusions142]

Ambien is some craaaaazy shit, man. If you've never taken it... holy balls.

[@mcn625]

Tim Cain..wait until you hear Patton's new special- Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time. Absolutely brilliant

[@nolongerhuman13]

Ambien makes me cook and eat Bertolli meals in a bag while they are still on the stove!!! And I've eatin protein bars w Tom cruise and American Indians in my kitchen. Then I told the girl I was on the phone with , that there are pigs u dee my bed and she was one of them!! Hahahah she was like what!?!?!?

[@whereisevan]

I hate it when Dream Theater shows up in my dreams.

[@CavemanJesus4Life]

I love it, because I know somethings about to go wrong in my dreams. I have no control in them, everything goes wacked. Then it turns to "Ashlyn Gere" and I am happy again!!!

[@9juju6]

Evan S I Wanna Rock Your Body (Until the Break of Dawn)

[@whereisevan]

that's beautiful, it's like poetry

[@nathankuhn9769]

GET INTO MAH CAH!

[@muskratrepairservices7701]

I' m not afraid

[@Scavenger82]

sleep meds are the best to stay awake on. tried it once, felt like I was stoned

[@nameforcomments4092]

Ahh this takes me back to the first summer I came back home after living in the college dorm. Stuff's just weird and different, but you're only there to sleep and you're only going to be around for like 3 months, so it's not worth even complaining. My mom would take Ambien and then just...not go to sleep. I would be trying to sleep on a futon mattress on the floor of my room, and she would be in there on the one computer in the house playing freecell until 3:30am, getting weirder and weirder on Ambien. About the time she'd start hallucinating, she'd leave and go to bed.

[@The.Golden.Door.]

Lolve this dude!! One of my favorite comedians.

[@concord327]

ibuprophen and mucenex cough syrup is giving awesome dreams with plotlines and recurring themes it's awesome

[@CavemanJesus4Life]

Last time I took Mucenex, I was competing in a Judo competition and I broke out in hives and had Respiratory problems, and the hives were burning me. Took me an hour of hot water shower to stop the burning. I lost big time, just collapsed on the floor. Good times

[@BioYuGi]

I know someone who took ambien and they woke up the next day to see a bucket of fried chicken on the table. Meaning they'd *driven* to a KFC in the middle of the night and come home, but had no memory of it, and they stopped taking it after that. Because they rightfully were worried about driving while not being lucid.

[@Jaysus777Live]

Check his book out, too good.

[@lucyhellbroke]

Should have plugged or mentioned the book title. I didn't even know he had a book until I stumbled across your comment.

[@cakes37]

I"M SEEING DEAD KINGS!

[@greenyawgmoth]

This video brought to you by Ambien Walrus™.

[@evanparsons123]

i like that movie. we do live in a cynical world but the grass is always teaching people to fish so they can become better people on Christmas

[@alysshart7522]

I have something in common with the brother in this sketch, because I hated the whole experience of Jerry Maguire and wanted to scream obscenities at the screen, too.

[@will.a.benjamin]

I despise it too and have never felt so connected to a standup joke before lol

[@dirbrody]

The vivid dreams is so true!

[@thelegendfamily4836]

The absoluted greatest would be if you could arrange a screening of "Jerry Maguire" in the health club that's now where the Galaxy 6 used to be located and then scream that line at the screen at that exact moment in the film. ;-D

[@TurnerClassicNinja]

Those are ambien dreams, huh? Dude, I get those every fucking day. Whilst unmedicated.

[@Loveinthemist11]

Spot on with the Ambien bit

[@Mkultradeth]

Ambien addiction sucks! I was pretty strung out on it for quite awhile. This did make me laugh though.

[@Wessimus]

If that Ambien dream bit isn't how he got the job for Sandman, it fucking should be.

[@09smitel]

I have never seen Jerry Maguire but, if I ever do, I will make it my mission to yell out "FUCK YOU!!!" when this part of the movie happens.

[@MeganKoumori]

I don't know what he's talking about. When I was on Ambien I'd just black out. Wake up the next morning like, "Huh? When did I even get into bed?"

[@gregjohnson7666]

Patton Oswalt is top 3 favorite whit guys next to Bill Burr and Michael rapaport

[@SpellboundWolf]

I love this guy!

[@user-si1do8zg9d]

'where the glamour of hollywood gets peed on night' loved it

[@ohasia]

Patton, Jim Gaffigan, Louis CK, Kathleen Madigan, Chris Rock, Ricky Gervais.... I wish they were my friends. I would just call them up, "Hey, what are you thinking about? That's so funny."

[@favoritemustard3542]

@kevin willems I Wish You Knew That I Gave Your Comment A 👎...

[@phoogoo]

I once took Ambien at a glamping trip (house in the woods on a 90 acre property). I woke up in my jeans and t-shirt in the hot tub with my mouth half submerged blowing bubbles. Never again.

[@dnice374]

Your analysis is correct.

[@stormtruppo]

I don't even take sleep meds and sometimes my dreams end up that random. "Cue talking velociraptors trying to break into my house. But the phone rings and I'm getting ordered to come into work, trying to explain to my boss that it's dangerous for me to leave the house... but wait, it's the velociraptors on the phone, trying to trick me. And for some strange reason my ex is there the entire time wanting to have sex..."

[@pretorious700]

Patton's brother rules.

[@randybeans1984]

It's like I am legend but you can get a sandwich

[@hobbicles28]

The issue is not about Ambien dreams. Rather the issue is about Ambien "dream" sex. However to get the best part, to reach the summit, which means the pinnacle of Ambien the "dream" sex part. Both partners must take Ambien together and at relatively the same time. Otherwise it's simply extremely weird because the amnesia part of it is wasted. Lol

[@mikehunt8924]

I love ambien!!!!!!!!!!

[@tuckerbowen4626]

after "The Mummy", i really want to yell "fuck you" at Tom Cruise, too

[@eddieking2976]

That reminds me, my garage needs a new coat of paint.

[@CantWeedThis]

I was prescribed ambien yesterday. I took one and nothing happened. Then I took another. Apparently fell asleep. When I woke up my bottle was empty. What the hell??? Now I'm screwed and can't sleep. Thanks Ambien !

[@seanpierrard335]

sounds bout right

[@CJusticeHappen21]

Great ad for Ambien

[@sniffableandirresistble]

Dead Kings ❤

[@TooLateForIeago]

omg. The imagery Oswalt uses at the end of the clip...

[@seafoamren]

holy crap. gold.

[@n00bJesus]

Ohhh I didn't realize it referenced anything, I was just laughing REALLY hard at that part.

[@mikelebischak658]

This will never not be funny .

[@fezzik7619]

He’s dead on about Ambien. The problem is trying to wake up in the morning.

[@trishamae8303]

I take ambien every night to go to sleep..It does make for interesting dreams, but even more interesting is that I don't remember the night before after taking ambien...But it's what works for me. :) LOL Thought this was hilarious by the way!

[@jexelbur6872]

When I was a kid I thought Jerry Maguire was a movie about Toby Maguire. Then I saw Patton Oswalt.

[@Finwaell]

if you were a kid 10 years ago, chances are you are still a kid. :D

[@captscurlock]

"We live in a cynical world 'Fuck you!' " ahahhhahahaahha

[@jackrabbit5119]

Yeah I think about that all the time. Like damn I wish i was friends with these awesome, funny, cool comedians. Wish i could just call up patton, invite him over and we just drink scotch and smoke weed. That's my dream

[@emmaduncan2296]

Now, just try and watch that movie, without thinking of Patton's brother...I didn't like Jerry Maguire either.

[@acerpro101]

God damn that movie sucked the only decent part may be cuba gooding jr but even then, “decent” may be a strong word

[@MushiePuppet17]

2:47 that part kills me every time

[@MyDanny209]

so damn true

[@timewithoutconsequence]

My mother uses ambien and goes crazy, usually takes her clothes off and goes outside.

[@lucyhellbroke]

I could go into the pharmacology or the neurobiology of this, but all I can do is laugh... Yes. The crazy shit that happens in between taking the Ambien and finally falling asleep... it truly is something else. Xanax is very much the same way. I wake up the next morning after having taken Xanax or Ambien the night before, and feel like I'm a fucking CSI team or a goddamn detective trying to figure out exactly what the fuck I had gotten up to in the 30 minutes to an hour in between taking my meds and finally falling asleep the night before.

[@customerjon]

His brother is 100% correct.

[@whitestripesftw]

IM SEEING DEAD KINGS!

[@Jeffko78]

Woooooooo partaaaaaaAAAAYYY!

[@tanyaltp]

Oh my god, laughed until I couldn't breathe.

[@kyliepollert8341]

"Jerry Maguire" is one of my favorite movies, but what Patton's brother said is hilarious; he must've really hated that lovey-dovey scene between Tom and Renee at the end!

[@lmpoar]

6:26. ladies and gentlemen, Miss Scarlett Johannson.

[@stefanmovieflixtomasi]

Picasso1975 she looks like Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace

[@mattweitman1199]

Jenny slate would crack the living shit out of herself if she watched this video

[@carryeveryday910]

I take Ambien but as intended for my Insomnia and he's kinda right you do feel really good when it starts to work but I think it's because it just naturally feels good to get sleepy?

[@kevinw712]

actually my thing is that it can DRAAAASTICALLY alter my personality, like Tyler Durden-levels lol... So I just need to be on the ball more about that once I take the dose, actually getting into bed as soon as possible, not sitting up remaining on the computer. Because boy oh boy did I have ZERO MEMORY when I very awkwardly found out about some sent emails or message board posts the night before :-/

[@jackxiao9702]

What I shouted at the end of The Force Awakens

[@DarksaberForce]

Wouldn't that be Rise of Skywalker?

[@LiberalSquared]

Mirtazapine kinda feels like that, too.

[@ThomasinaJefferson-ke7xs]

Just as long as Scarlet’s weird ass face ends FINALLY.....

[@colsmith1]

Oh my God! I'm seeing dead kings! I LAUGHED OUT LOUD! MY NEIGHBORS MUST OF HEARD ME!

[@swingAE86]

also both involved Matt Oswalt

[@gargoyles9999]

The real question is would you still do Scarlette Johanson if she were a chainsaw tited clown?

[@CavemanJesus4Life]

Yes, as long as I can call her Harley

[@monkey-trial...6578]

really? never met anyone who said that.. I used to take them when I felt over tire to get rid of that weird eye pressure feeling and it kept me awake but nicely relaxed and fearless.

[@MrBrooksGrant]

That's how all my dreams are.

[@gnomez00.]

I just snorted 3 lines of Ambien before this video. I'll keep you updated

[@gnomez00.]

This isn't thefucking goldbergs

[@lucyhellbroke]

😂😂😂

[@gnomez00.]

Jesus fucking Christ. I never remembered this comment or fucking video

[@pryingeyes1551]

@@gnomez00. That's how you know you were on Ambien. I have so many comments like that.

[@dotheevolution100]

jerry maquir... OWW!

[@elliothimshaw7079]

That had me crying laughing

[@pfossful]

Potential for major blackout on Ambien

[@astrocitizen]

What's with the weird Robin the Boy Wonder stance in front of the mike?

[@swingAE86]

we have christmas memories 1 and 2. whats 3?

[@zegler75]

Which/What special is this? I haven't heard/seen this one before.

[@Csky1988]

@TheRustyWeapon god when he said that whole last line i was laughing so hard i couldnt breath