People pleasing, fawning, and trauma

[@damescholar]

Coming late here. I am no working with my being a people pleaser, and this is very helpful. Yes, I am conditioned by trauma. I am autistic and have ADHD (diagnosed very late in life) and my father was volatile and ”explosive” being traumatized himself by violence in his childhood, not violent but getting easily angry about very little things, and living with him was like walking through a mine field. Adding to that my being different from others, I came to believe that I am not accepted as a person unless I try to be nice and accommodate to the needs of others and try to be as normal as possible. Luckily I was so shy that this did not harm my sexual relations but it harmed my other relations and my working life. Now, as I said, I try to learn to say no.

[@lizafield9002]

Thanks for this merciful view & insight. It struck me that it's a good unseen reality to be mindful of in others, too, as they struggle for happiness in a traumatized, high speed, shouting, ecologically collapsing world. An ancient philospher i think called Philo said (something like) "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting an invisible battle." To transform "fawning" into "calming," as in kindness, detached & benign, would add up to a great life on & for this good planet & human evolution. 🌜🍁🍃🐬

[@AnnStoneson]

Hi, Liza. Practicing kindness and coming from a place of love is what Bonnie Badenoch, one of my dear mentors, talks about in her book, "Heart of Trauma." The book is all about how to be a therapeutic presence in the world, and I absolutely love the message in it. Calm presence can offer us all a refuge from what life brings, and we're meant to lean into each other as we weather life's storms. Thank you for commenting!

[@ameliarbaldwin1402]

i dont ha e time thats the thing.thats what truma is.