People Who Only Talk About Themselves (🙄sigh)

This is an episode of Transform Your Relationships, a video podcast by Dr. Rhoberta Shaler and Laura Rubinstein, CHt. Originally recorded on: November 10, 2020
Our Transform Your Relationships Series addresses tough to talk about situations in personal and professional relationships. Your sanity matters. Take on your personal power, enrich your life and create more joy.
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[@Socialmediablastoff]

It's hard to have a close relationship with someone when all they talk about is themselves and always trying to one-up you. So I choose friends who ask me questions and seem to have a genuine concern as I do the same for them. Gotta have a dynamic exchange of energy.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Yes, it's very difficult to create equality, reciprocity, and mutuality with someone who continually takes focus in conversations and relationships.

[@FruityHachi]

my therapist disapproves of this and thinks it's completely normal when people only talk about themselves because humans are naturally selfish is what she said

[@debrasmith915]

I met a man who talks of himself it is all about him. Never met a man so into himself and I noticed he tells me my feelings he tells me what i think he takes words and forms sentances for me. Well that is annoying I asked him if he has had a mental assessment if not he should he told me I was so insulting and I told him if you can throw it you better learn to take it and I felt great.😅

[@susanparker9877]

​@@FruityHachiA horrible misunderstanding of communication and empathy.

[@YourWifesBoyfriend123]

​@@FruityHachiSounds like a great therapist

[@ryandeffley7652]

We're living in a very narcissistic and self involved society largely driven by social media. Everyone wants attn/validation instead of true connections. 💯 On dating apps I do pretty well at getting likes and matches. But one reason why I unmatch a lot of them is due to lack of social reciprocity. I mean, I'll ask women questions, make observations about details from their pics, talk about the prompts on their profile, etc..My goal is to actually get an initial read on who they are. But after 5-10 messages, i haven't been asked a single thing about myself. 😂

[@YourWifesBoyfriend123]

Exactly my experience.. they don't even bother asking a single question. And then they complain they have no success on dating apps 🤨

[@SilentTrip]

I don't mind people who talk about themselves, I enjoy learning about them... ... as long as they are willing to let me talk too and give me the same grace.

[@futureofmoney3527]

True that these types always seems to have an urgent talking point that requires us to lean in and constantly listen without reciprocation in the conversation. There’s always a new thing.

[@GingerMarcel]

My coworker is a conversational narcissist and will leave the room to find someone to talk to if someone comes in to have a conversation with me. It’s like, “well she is having a conversation, so I’m going to have one too!!” It’s childlike. These people also do not catch on to social cues. I’ve seen people keep walking when she talks to them and she doesn’t stop talking.

[@monkeybearmax]

I know a couple people like this… otherwise a very thoughtful people concerned for others but will talk ur ear off and I can’t get a word in. Are they really narcs? It’s weird and can be exhausting

[@tomharvey5466]

Overheard from a narcissist....ya wanna know what else makes me great??

[@CaseyWindom]

This is SO on time. I work with people who constantly talk about themselves, one up and interrupt to offer their own stories and braggadociousness. Its very irritating.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Yes, it's irritating, frustrating, and most of all, worth observing.

[@AFFTFOMSICHTS]

Do we work at the same place?? This is the majority of my co workers

[@mindset_olympics2]

😂😂😂😂 havent heard that word in awhile braggadocious

[@gregmartin3608]

One word. Earbuds

[@transitionsnc]

Agree. Sometimes there's no other choice.

[@mindset_olympics2]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@alkaiable]

my ex GF of 3 yrs. was only capable of talking about herself, there was absolutely no other subject of discussion if it wasn't about her. I realize now how toxic she was..and how unhappy I was in the end.

[@MrHydevsDrJekyll]

Probably narcissism definitely insecurity

[@terriwhalen3618]

Especially on the phone! I agree, thanks!

[@DJTheBlondeSpirit]

I just went on a date with a guy who talked about himself for four hours I even said I don't feel your giving me a chance to talk and he carried on not listening

[@daveholte7658]

This video helped me understand. I first called these folks as belonging to the “mutual admiration society? Maybe I am incorrect. I find all snot me alot but have removed myself from these folks. In fact one is my wife (on paper) All about her never asks about me my family my health 😢etc. I have acquaintances all about themselves and can’t discuss basically by text email very seldom a real conversation So I just try slowly to remove them from my circle of life,.

[@PhotoAmbrosia]

Enough about me, let's talk about you. What do you think of me?😂

[@TheB920]

I dislike my family whatsapp group. I feel my sister makes everything about herself. Posts so many pictures and videos of herself and she's always about what she's doing and where she's going. My dad can post a simple message wishing everyone a great day and she'll have someone take pictures of her at work and how she's seeking to do something and it's like we always have to congratulate her for something or any small challenge and she needs us to all say some "encouraging words" to her. I want to be supporting to all my relatives and friends but this is just too much. I care a lot about my sister but I'm not going to fill my phone with her videos and pictures. And I'm not going to be sending "encouraging messages" or "congratulatory messages" for every small thing to a person almost every week

[@monkeybearmax]

Gross! That’s why I quit FB … most of my family members are this way posting new updates and photos of themselves daily while largely ignoring my new business I posted about a handful of times. I do not need daily updates from anyone. It’s obnoxious. I’d delete that chat.

[@TheB920]

@@monkeybearmax I'm so sorry. I know that feels horrible. I hope your business is doing well. Keep pushing on. I hope you find excitement in your job, I hope customers like your business and you make good profits ❤️🙏🏾

[@ace1007]

I literally turn the phone on speaker and turn the volume down and do something else...

[@jillgoycochea5127]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@ldshasnobrain]

Really helped me to explain the personality of my new neighbour/friend. He is an insecure type, suffering from fragile/meism, not a narcissist.

[@tragedienne1]

Hey Rhoberta, I really enjoy your content and am learning alot! I was wondering if you perhaps one day would consider making a video about the sadness one can begin to live and breathe, realizing that there are so many, as you call it "hijackals", in our society, and that drains us and leaves us feeling unsafe and that theres hardly any good people left. I know thats a feeling, but sometimes we meet one unsafe person after another and another.. For me, personally, it makes me feel really sad and unsafe, bordering on hopelessness much of the time.

[@CaseyWindom]

I am right there with you. Sometimes you wonder if you're the only sane and self-aware person left in the world. Feels like you're the only human in a world of robots 🤖 or the only empath in a field of energy-suckers. You resolve to give and give and make peace with being alone and come to the resolve that you're only meant to give and never get anything in return. It is a discouraging thought; sickening and saddening all the same but it brings some good in that you learn to love yourself more and enjoy your own company, you are a stellar lover, you genuinely care for the pain and well-being of others and you bring a lot to this world. I truly believe that having and maintaining boundaries is like an electric fence around you that scares off the energy suckers as they see that you love yourself and you're not willing to give everything away to their benefit any longer. In loving yourself you begin to hone in on your discernment and you very selectively CHOOSE who you are willing to let in with you. You matter too. You are precious and you are a gift. Your energy is finite and not every soul is deserving of your energy because you have your own soul to maintain. Peace is hard to get, even harder to keep so do your best to maintain your peace and this means avoiding certain types of people who show evident toxic traits. Blessings to you :)

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Yes, it is important to have non-negotiable boundaries, well-expressed, for sure!

[@bnol03686]

Agreed! I have a theory that those types are usually very broken despite their exterior.

[@futureofmoney3527]

My neighborhood is like this. There’s a coffee morning every few weeks and there’s a couple of narcissists in the group that spoil it. I hardly socialize now because these people seem to be everywhere and they’re utterly tedious.

[@TYGZus777]

27:38 / "Here's the point at which I'm uncomfortable..." BINGO. This is the moment of enlightenment. When your attempt to have a mature, boundary-setting, problem-resolving conversation is met with contempt and disdain - you realize that you're not dealing with an emotionally mature person.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Well said!

[@futureofmoney3527]

The mask slides off at that point.

[@terriwhalen3618]

Throw in delusional behavior with hyjackals!

[@trevanji]

I think we now live in a very competitive society. Money, power … both have placed pressure on us if we feel bereft of both. This then equals constant competition for us to feel better. The obvious is boasting about … whatever (our children’s achievements, our boat, our mansion), another is the “know all” (no explanation necessary), tail-gating can explain somewhat being competitive (“out of my way, I’M coming through!” even in bad road/weather conditions) and lastly competition in conversations: not ‘listening to learn’ (your friend NEEDS your empathy) but to compete. As in: I broke my arm and it was much worse than yr break. No compassion, no empathy just a switch to THEM!!!!

[@mirrormirror444]

Then how do you relate to others without taking over the conversation if your experience can help others with a situation they’re dealing with?

[@MandiArt]

I know this was posted a while ago but here is one way I do that. I listen and then relate my experience without detail, if they want to know more they’ll ask. But something along the lines of “I can understand, I went through something similar and this is what helped me.” Understand they likely won’t take your advice but it might help them think of other ways they can solve their problem. Some people though (believe it or not) don’t want the problem solved, no matter how much they say they do. It’s their normal and they are quite comfortable with their chaos.

[@Uberqueenbee]

I am guilty of this. Usually when severely triggered. I tru to become aware and modulate myself while encouraging others to let me know as it happens.

[@amandaball353]

Excellent video. My mother-in-law(MIL) would always talk on the once a week calls that I no longer participate in with my husband. She would talk about herself for over an hour. We’d have to call every Sunday at a specific time. Even if she asked a question she’d over talk us, me or my husband and continue to talk about herself and what she’d did day by day about her entire week. It drove me mad!! April/May ‘21 I decided to go no contact. Best decision I did for myself!!👏🏻👌🏻

[@CarmenMoses-ey1eh]

Abandoned & extreme loneliness?🤷

[@valroze1647]

Looking for help not for talking bad about people. This just came across that way for the first 5 minutes.

[@missdonner1271]

???

[@denniscooper5476]

thats narcissim

[@zt3951]

Why woman select this traits?

[@MrHydevsDrJekyll]

Women like doing this especially on dating apps and life. Then again they don’t have anything to offer expect problems and selfishness

[@mindset_olympics2]

You watched two women talk about other ppl than themselves in this video

[@irlandaise5631]

I tend to agree as a woman but found these women very interesting. I have male friends who have nothing to offer . They make everything about themselves and you can’t discuss anything .