Percy/Taliesin One-Liners | Critical Role (spoilers episodes 4 - 60)

A collection of one-liners from Taliesin Jaffe and his character Percy on Critical Role. Taliesin has so many great lines I'm sure there's quite a few that I missed, but these are some of my favorites.
Please tag spoilers in your comments!
All clips belong to Critical Role: / @criticalrole

[@BriannaZumbro]

I also make dice! starlightdice.etsy.com

[@angmordagnithil7127]

My personal favorite Percy one-liner is probably: "Remember: trees are just doors that haven't been made yet."

[@Sesquedoodle]

It's true, too.

[@deathbykonami5487]

Percy [to Vax]: I want my last words to you to be indignant and irritated! Percy's actual last words to Vax: Talk to her, you idiot!

[@allisonkrapf5605]

I would say those were irritated, yes.

[@Grim_Sister]

“I’m going to take a leap of faith and believe, contrary to all other evidence, that you are a smart woman.” Is an insult I’ll be saving for a very special occasion

[@arwo1143]

I used that already It’s SUCH a good one

[@bitterblossom19]

Sounds like a good proposal/wedding one liner

[@blazypika2]

NPC: "the great percival, who spits fire from his tube" keyleth: "what..?" percy: "i had that taken care of"

[@havenhillsongs]

You can always count on Taliesin for poetic brilliance such as the classic “We’re running, it’s bad”, or one of my personal favorites, “Help, it’s...again”.

[@AmishGangsta404]

"Life needs things to live."

[@mayaenglish5424]

Right, and those are notable because those are the rare times he's not insanely eloquent and so of course Friends being Friends, will never let it go lol, It's like Matt's Horn sound, does it matter that he did it perfectly 40 seconds later? Or can accurately recreate the sounds of my nightmares with only his vocal chords? N O P E the damage had been done, Matt's bad at Horns! F R I E N D S H I P!

[@MrKalasznikov]

@@mayaenglish5424 He is not eloquent, because he is playing a 9 INT Caduceus ^^

[@Reblwitoutacause]

also: "caw, caw"

[@mayaenglish5424]

@@MrKalasznikov lol true, I was more thinking of "life needs things to live" which is from C1 and which they will never let him live down for as long as he lives, that and teenage assholes lol.

[@sonnentausnest]

The part starting with "The terrible woman may have a point", was one of my favourites. I've rarely seen: "I agree with you, but I'm going to show you just how deeply I despise you while I support your point", done so well. (Also Matt's reaction was perfect as usual: "Thank you! ... Wait, what?!")

[@Lngbrdninjamasta]

" your secret is safe with my in difference " This will always be my favorite Percy line from the entire campaign😂💯👍

[@alexanderwheeler3943]

I'm sad that life does not give enough opportunities to use those words. Especially if I'm trying to be polite

[@Lngbrdninjamasta]

@@alexanderwheeler3943 I use them to b polite lol. Not often of course but a few times @least😇

[@wcthesecret]

Time?

[@zyderman2050]

I have been able to use this line. Thank you, Taliesin

[@deltoyd97]

Does someone know which episode and time is this? Thank you in advance. 😘

[@imkabochan]

I always find myself rewinding to catch what taliesin says, even as caduceus. He's got the habit of muttering brilliant things in the middle of conversations.

[@shewolfblacklink1062]

He is a truly wise man...

[@user-ru4cl5lz2m]

@@shewolfblacklink1062 you mean eldritch being

[@shewolfblacklink1062]

@@user-ru4cl5lz2m oh right! My apologies!

[@W417on]

My mate has started watching c1 recently and links me stuff. Can't believe I missed "I'm a collector too... I collect specifics and so far you've offered me nothing"

[@Raganui]

I feel that if this was pathfinder, he'd do brilliantly as a Lore Oracle. Or a Malkavian in a Vampire the Masquerade game.

[@benjammin5328]

“I want my last words with you to indignant and irritated.” Percy’s Last Words to Vax: “Talk to her you idiot”

[@napeoclesjucunda]

how could you forget "im a collector of specifics and i see you have none" and "transmutation is the veganism of necromancy"

[@markbyrd7710]

She had horns! "At least two." And teeth! "More than two." And eyes! "Definitely two."

[@phinehashunter-eldridge8711]

Grog: “What do you see Percy?” Percy looking into complete darkness: “ I see a door that I have conquered” That’s one of my personal favorite

[@ZeldaWolf2000]

Same! I have it recorded on my phone! 😀😆 9:17

[@shadowstrider8295]

It is so weird to hear the player of Clay yell "Your soul is forfeit! Die, DIE!" with such anger.

[@acetraineraster5171]

ikr!! considering Cad legit said, in the *calmest tone of voice known to existence,* "I don't mean to raise my voice"

[@shadowstrider8295]

@@acetraineraster5171 So credit to his player all things considered, I don't think I could pull that off.

[@Vindeflei]

Okay, but 6:10 though. "Do you have a mini for the dark specter of my soul?" And then, yes, yes Matt does. 😆

[@OriginalCreatorSama]

He's Matthew Fucking Mercer. Of COURSE he has a mini for the dark spectre of Taliesin's soul. That's like a requirement!

[@enwarrior8163]

Its the whole i love you so much afterwards that makes it wholesome as heck.

[@spacerogue8382]

Well, Mat created Orthax so he would have that yes, lol.

[@swagpotato720]

Dark Vengeful Percy of the Briarwood arc will forever be my favorite iteration of him

[@Spectralyzed]

Right?!

[@Zarim_Cha0s]

No mercy Percy is best Percy

[@lillianburns5629]

"...didju just squeak?..." "MABYE YOU DONT KNOW SHUT UP"

[@VeritasdeLumin]

Some of my favourite Percy lines (which I believe are grossly underrated) are in this edit! “You were never mothers favourite!” and “Which one of my ancestors did you just shame to death...AGAIN!” are classics! Edit: AND the “I do [have 20 gold] just not for your daughter”!

[@thatsmuggamer]

My personal favorite: “You were never Mother’s favorite! She told me!”

[@fatcoyote2]

Did Percy have Vicious Mockery, because he really should have had Vicious Mockery.

[@kiddo6393]

Unfortunately not, but yes

[@aaronmott208]

If you start campaign two, he plays a tiefling, so he got vicious mockery

[@flimpeenflarmpoon1353]

@@aaronmott208 #notallltieflings

[@vaellietheangel]

Alas, no viscious mockery for the straight fire from percy for the entire campaign, just cold hard truths that still maybe hurt

[@danksouls2960]

Well no, but technically yes

[@sarahbenton9528]

I think my favorite Percy moment, is when they are trying to get Grogs soul, Percy takes the sword away and threatens it. It tries to intimidate Percy with a dark demon smoke, but Percy just straight up goes, "Bitch please." And summons his own demon to scare it back into the sword. I respected him at that point cause of how far he was willing to go to save one of his friends.

[@leslie10959]

Oh! What is this from?

[@alexdiaz155]

6:08 “everyone wants my body” *quietly* 6:37 “Your hugs are forfeit! AHHGGHH”

[@thepurplegnomegeneral3777]

sam: i got a 7! taliesin: i got a 11! taliesin: together we can get a slurpee! 4:21

[@TheDakkaman]

4:45 “This is for the De Rolos. And let me say: you were the one I was *least* looking forward to.” That line alone would have sold me on the entirety of Critical Role.

[@foxythepirate3218]

"I've met the devil before, that's not him" is such an amazing line especially with how calm he is XD

[@brittanyno5941]

Taliesin squeaking and then being embarrassed by it is perfect 5:50

[@brandondennis5166]

"Your hugs are forfeit!"

[@luna_mariee8746]

4:21 "Together we can get a slurpie😊" may be my favorite one😂

[@chaoticnachos380]

me : *accidentally skips ahead a little too far* Talison, blasting out my headphones: "DIE!"

[@xenokid6063]

3:07 all time favorite line from Percy ever. Such a raw line and the way it was delivered was absolutely astounding for a roleplay setting

[@michelepella2768]

Pure genius

[@IrisCorven]

It's amazing seeing all the Campaign 2 Caduceus fans who never knew No-Mercy Percy. Hopefully this inspires them to go back and watch Campaign 1, cause goddamn - As good as C2 was, C1 went so goddamn hard. The Briarwood arc felt like a bestselling novel, in terms of storytelling.

[@hylind1912]

"It's you, Percival, the great one who streaks fire from his tube!" "I thought I had that taken care of..."

[@virginiamooney4105]

My favorite thing Taliesin has ever said as Percy is, "I think I really miss my family."

[@Draezeth]

"I like this family. I'd like to keep it." "I do not want to die who I am. I would like to live long enough to be someone else." "I am finished with gods. They will not help me. Maybe you will."

[@samuelstensgaard4828]

That's one of my favorites too. Percy spent the entire campaign denying his own grief, and in the moment of seeing someone die when he thought it should've been him, he broke down and let himself truly feel.

[@formvp4246]

Tal’s reanimator tshirt during “your soul is forfeit” shot the mad scientist energy THROUGH THE ROOF-

[@jschofield5325]

5:04 - 5:14 This is possibly the most threatening thing I heard in my life.

[@Xazyv]

He had so many killer lines in that arc and I love it

[@teacupkoala175]

Broke my heart when that line didn't make it into the animated series

[@thomasnolastname8734]

There was nothing in that cup, Taliesin can just make gargling noises on command He learned that trick in 1100

[@spensirmclife6549]

0:37 is the moment Percy went from the quiet guy that I never noticed to taking on the trek of being one of my favorite characters.

[@oniemployee3437]

Oh how I wish I could be as sarcastic and deadpan as Percy. That character is legendary.

[@HowManyTimes234]

"Your secret is safe with my indifference" is still the best, in my opinion

[@TheShiningKami]

Taliesin is a treasure. I love this, thank you!

[@shadowfan5480]

Taliesin is the best

[@nicolebragg1171]

I love Taliesin, he's equal parts snarky, witty, & jaw-droppingly badass. He makes the greatest little one liners, but he can also come up with lines that just make me have to pause & stop for a minute to fully appreciate what he said.

[@daeyura4203]

honestly taliesin's just the best. whichever character he plays as, I'm always looking forward to what he says in every game Oh and thank you very much for doing this!

[@sleepinghermit7778]

I still sit and wonder from time to time. "Who was Taliesin's character before pecy? What was he like? And would he have been my favorite?" But alas. I don't know if I'll ever get to know.

[@austinmeyer_238]

In fact will be keeping your weapons your armor and I believe your pride. That is one of my favorites.

[@tafua_a]

"Some people have no sense of fucking honour!" is really underappreciated

[@Blindluck92]

"We'll be keeping your weapons, your armor, and I believe your pride!" Adventurer 101

[@Avengerj5]

Taliesin’s casual ‘There’s his heart breaking’ at 2:32 had me rolling!

[@ethanhorn6093]

5:50 Marisha: "Did you just squeak?" Taliesin: "Maybe... you don't know... shut up..." Literally every single older brother to a younger sibling ever.

[@flimpeenflarmpoon1353]

3:00 you gotta love it when the dice are in your favour for moments like that

[@thomasnolastname8734]

Nothing disobeys the will of the eldritch entity that is Taliesin Jaffe

[@davidbergfors6820]

Taliesin Jaffe is amazing. his puns are fantastic too, almost tragic how they sometimes goes unnoticed by the rest of the group.

[@DarkLawYGO]

the Buttflap is down line is a lowkey favorite

[@_Noctifer]

3:22 Indignant rage Percy is the best "YOU FOOL, YOUR SOUL IS FORFEIT!!"

[@MrDuellane]

7:05 Still one of the best Percy lines, hands down

[@Caitydid561]

Oh man, I'd forgotten about the gargling water elemental thing. XD

[@LC_JSE]

I keep on replaying 5:51 mind blown, I thought it was an edit at first of the squeaky toy sound effect.

[@ErinBookNut]

I literally cannot stop replaying it

[@ErinBookNut]

What was he looking at that made him squeak?

[@josehenriqueoliveirasilva9478]

Here after LoVM just to hear the ''when murder entered my heart'' line again.

[@Yaboyazrael]

Percy: Get out of here before you die! Also Percy: *Shoots anyway*

[@Piemasta9000]

No mercy Percy, love him

[@Reblwitoutacause]

he's only had _thousands of years_ to accumulate all the one-liners

[@TheOneBored]

its crazy seeing them so young at the beginning of campaign 1, especially Travis before the beard lol

[@kiddosam8032]

5:51 can the Percy squeak be canon somewhere in the animated show? Please? You have no idea how much I’d pay to see this.

[@TimpanistMoth_AyKayEll]

Hmm. Stick a kitten in a background scene somewhere, and if you turn the sound up at just the right moment...? 🤣

[@CreativeUsernameEh]

1:20 Taliesin you’re brilliant

[@endotimez9086]

Taliesiin doing a Bedknobs and Broomsticks reference lightens my soul.

[@RamonChickon]

4:30 Marisha got SOOO much better at describing her spells by the time Campaign 3 began.

[@samuelstensgaard4828]

I've been waiting forever for a video like this, the craziest part is that there's legitimately still quotes you missed in this span and I don't blame you.

[@theadventuresofhuckletaryfin]

5:04 By far my favorite Percy line. Excited to see it in TLOVM

[@Avengerj5]

If you still haven’t seen it yet, I promise it’s great! Definitely just as if not more chilling than the live version.

[@Slipgatex]

My personal fave will always be "Your secret is safe with my indifference."

[@Mr_Maiq_The_Liar]

“And there. That’s when his heart breaks” What did he do?

[@forresttherunner4092]

There was a fan and vax turned him down on his request to join vox machina

[@oddfreaks6452]

@@forresttherunner4092 Kynan

[@liamjrowan2896]

That bedknobs and broomsticks reference is amazing

[@danielarosindo]

Am I the only one that doesn't distinguish Taliesin's comments from the ones his characters say anymore??

[@aceknowles8841]

OH my gosh the squeak...

[@fenixmeaney6170]

Life needs things to live

[@rebeccatrishel]

Percy and the Briarwoods arc is the reason I got into Critical Role

[@carltonvonhammerstein]

And don't forget the classic, "life needs things to live."

[@cracksniffer396]

"Ive met tye devil, that's not him" goes extremely hard

[@birubu]

God just finished binging up to the latest episode of Vox Machina and the story is even better when told from the table

[@Draezeth]

Including the one-shots? Because the wedding one-shot is pure gold.

[@Wavypringles7745]

We all love Percival Fredrickstein Von Mussel Kowalski DuRolo III of Whitestone

[@nataliepeters8459]

The dice didn't dodge the earth 😂😂

[@ungooy]

Percival early on: "Screw you, I want my final words to you to be indignant and irritated." Percival's final words: "Thank you, talk to her, idiot."

[@deltablaze77]

I love them all soo much, but man Tal has a special gift.

[@dragonarchive7443]

I'm glad so many of these made it into tlovm

[@Starhartdeer]

I love hearing these lines in their original formats after watching the tv show :)

[@lizs2546]

I want to see as many of these moments as possible in the show so bad

[@SoulSilverCast]

"Oh, I could see how that could work out poorly" is my favorite. I'm not sure why but it is.

[@gabrielamedeirosribeiro3223]

“New money” I’m dead lmao

[@connorduquette1432]

I guess I'm just going to watch the whole thing a second time then.

[@nataliepeters8459]

Me not realizing where that line came from at 0:35 omg I'm gonna cry again 😭

[@Percival1122]

Oh... I see how this could turn out poorly!

[@TheJPJT1234]

YOUR SOUL IS FORFEIT 🤘😈🤘

[@honeysuckel1351]

Watching a novice travis react to percy is so good

[@SeerOfTime577]

Percy is the best.

[@wowostylehess1575]

I just find the 5:50 moment very funny, and I don’t know why

[@kelseylogas1580]

WOW I did not know that that line from Vax was that deep of a cut. I thought he was just making a joke. Turns out it was a callback ALLLLLLL the way to episode, what, 12? 13?

[@dingus4260]

3:22 such a raw fucking line.

[@bfalves780]

Wow very nice, some lines you got here, i didn't remenber anymore and the vídeo only go to episode 60 from campaign 1, we got so many more percy one liner until the end

[@panheaddragonwolfpaw]

Watching this repeatedly in preparation for the Briarwood Arc of the Legend of Vox Machina

[@Rexzilla4508]

I needed this video

[@princeofhumbugs6657]

my favorite will always be the your secret is safe line I use it on occasion lol

[@riverthecatsnyder280]

I want to be talesin jaffee when I grow up

[@hunterbrown2001]

Bednobs and broomsticks, yesss!!!

[@procrastinator99]

SUBSTITUUUUTIARY LOCOMOTIOON!!!

[@andywoods941]

Love this video, great job!

[@BriannaZumbro]

Thank you so much!

[@TheWurstBrat8179]

What about when Percy says to scanlan. "you look poorer now." I thought it was funny as fuck.