What is Polyamory? The 5 Best

[@Dee__0024]

Hi! I’m so happy to see and subscribe to a fellow polyamorous person. I’m also demi/gray and neurodivergent, and Evie Lupines video on demisexuality blew my mind, especially in the comment section. A person commented that one could be demi towards one gender and allosexual towards another, and I just cried because I was so relieved to realize that and that I wasn’t alone in my experience. I’ve read a lot of Laurel K Hamilton’s Anita Blake books and I really enjoy them. And I will definitely check out the books you recommended in this video! Thanks again for being visible and inclusive, it means a lot to me. I hope you do more videos like this, because I really enjoy them! ❤️ greetings from Sweden!

[@Phyrra]

Sending my love to you in Sweden! Ah, I want to go back to Sweden! Yes, just learning about demisexuality and the spectrum it can have has been so helpful. I also found r/demisexuality/ on reddit very helpful to read through other people's experiences.

[@josmith4173]

As a heterosexual woman in a monogamous relationship- I find this fascinating and always want to learn about others type of healthy relationships xx

[@Phyrra]

I'm happy to help educate :)

[@neversaydiebeauty]

I don't think I knew very much about polyamory before meeting you through our blogging group. And thank you for explaining it in more detail here in your video

[@Phyrra]

I'm happy to help explain it!

[@maureenl1448]

This topic is so interesting to me! Thank you for sharing. I don't think I could handle juggling multiple relationships and all the emotions and feelings of all involved. Plus I feel like I would get jealous. But no judgement from me!

[@Phyrra]

You're welcome! I figured if 1 in 6 Americans has thought about it and 1 in 9 has tried it, you might be interested in my perspective as someone who has been polyamorous for over 3 decades.

[@loveholic4321]

Thank you so much for posting this video! I'm new to poly and I haven't seen anyone try to describe so many variations of polyamory in a succinct way since you. Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge and recommendations!

[@Phyrra]

You are very welcome!

[@iliketotalkblog]

I absolutely love how open you are and how willing you are to explain things. I think it's great for all of us to have a better understanding about each other and how we live.

[@Phyrra]

Thank you so much!

[@FrankenFunder]

Great video. I'm also neurodivergent, demisexual and part of the bdsm community. As of this moment I describe myself as solo or parallel poly as I have two fwbs. I like to think of myself as an open relationship person but I'm not in a mental head space where I'm ready to look for a primary as I'm focusing on self care after being in multiple abusive relationships one after the other. I realise now the reason for that as an undiagnosed autistic is that I'm vulnerable and that attracts narcissists and predatory people. So I'm taking a mental health break from dating atm and focusing on myself as I'm just done with people treating me like dirt. There is a space for a primary but I'm leaving it blank for the moment

[@Phyrra]

I didn't even realize I was neurodivergent until I asked my therapist a few months ago after having a few new people I met asking me if I was. Most of my friend circle I've been friends with for decades. It makes sense, both my bio mom and brother have ADHD, I have so many friends who are either ADHD or on the autism spectrum or DiD, so a lot of the people I feel most comfortable being around are neurodivergent. I also agree, that being neurodivergent seems to make us targets for narcissists and predatory types. I'm grateful to be in therapy learning how to spot narcissists, as well as help myself become a stronger person. I think you're doing a great thing by focusing on yourself and cutting out toxic people. I started cutting out toxic people in 2018 and haven't stopped in 2021. It's been freeing and makes my life easier. Sending you hugs!

[@Phyrra]

For more facts and definitions in relation to polyamory, visit my blog at phyrra.net/what-is-polyamory.html

[@biamartinsedit]

What a lovely and very helpful video ♥ I am single for the first time in 10 years and for the first time I am living my life as a single queer woman. I also started therapy for the first time this month and I really want to work within my traumas and its consequences so I can understand better what types of relationship are the best for me and my personality. Watching videos like yours, that come from places of serious experience and empathy, really help to catch a glimpse of the different types of relationships we have out there. Also, very happy to see we have the link for the discord server *-* I just joined, but I can only access the rules and a channel for problematic brands, is that the only content there for now or do I have to wait for some approval to see the server as a whole? Anyway. Happy to see you back here ♥♥

[@Phyrra]

Until I figure out how to configure a bot to automatically add people, me and the mods are manually adding people to the server. I think you're good to go now. Wishing you the best in figuring out your next steps. So proud of you for getting in therapy and working to find what makes you happy! Sending you hugs and love!

[@annamalmer6836]

Greetings from a Swedish fellow kitchen-table-poly goth with poodle!

[@Phyrra]

Ahhh I love this so much! Sending you love!

[@hollyr5153]

Thank you so much for this! I don't think I could be polyamorous, but I totally support people who are and am in awe of their communication (and scheduling) abilities! I don't like the word "throuple" either--to me it almost implies that a couple is the norm (eyeroll) and that three people is, like, somehow a mutation of that.

[@Phyrra]

Communication is definitely key!

[@sinndymorr6358]

Thanks for sharing 💚. Personally, I find it very interesting to learn more about people. I am truly ignorant about this subject. Sadly, the only exposure I have had to polygamous people's, is thru the media. The media encourages "lazy" insights into other cultures (reality TV). It's very easy to form opinions from sources that are designed to be entertainment. Here in the U.S., we are not encouraged to seek out educational experiences or use critical thought. The majority wants entrainment and to "feel" a certain way thru entertainment.

[@Phyrra]

Yeah, the American Education system is honestly depressing to me. When I got to university and found out how many of the things we'd been taught were whitewashed or outright lies, I was angry. I took Critical Thinking in College, and was astounded by the fact that they didn't teach us that in high school, when it would have been more useful to learn. I'm kind of over the media/news unless it's from something like the Associated Press or a scientific journal or Philip de Franco (I know his bias) because I feel like the news is just there to get us mad and try to keep us in the us vs. them mindset.

[@MainelyMandy]

Finally got around to watching this! Great run down of polyamory. I'll admit I don't like the solo polyam definition much - being my own primary - but that's a bit of a nit pick and I know some solo polyam folks use it and it can be helpful for explaining it to people who aren't as aware of it. Great book recommendations! I read PolySecure last year and really enjoyed it! I still need to read the Break up book.

[@Phyrra]

Thank you! Yeah I wasn't sure the best way to explain solo polyam, but hopefully the gist of it comes across that it feels like a very independent form of polyamory. These books have been invaluable to me, especially in helping to figure out what relationships can look like WITHOUT the escalator.

[@NataliaGrycka]

Very interesting video. I'm personally monogamous but I think it's important to educate yourself and better understand other types of relationships.

[@MarciaFriedman]

I really knew nothing about polyamory until you explained it. I'm personally too insecure to venture into it but earlier in my life I'd have considered it. I love how open you are about this topic.

[@Phyrra]

I love that you would have considered it in the past!

[@sapiotone]

Came to check out your list in the hopes of not seeing any F________ V____. Yay! Great list! Excellent information and advice. And side note... OOOH MY GAAAAD, your make-up is AMAZING!

[@Phyrra]

I cannot stand F V because I knew him on a personal level when he lived here in the Tampa area. I've witnessed his treatment of his partners.

[@sapiotone]

@@Phyrra I've never met him. He's my partner's ex. Have you checked out Mainely Mandy's video essay?

[@Phyrra]

@@sapiotone Yes I did. I thought her video was great. I messaged her privately to share some of my personal experiences. I knew F_______, Shelly, and Shara, on a personal level, in addition to several others he was involved with.

[@preetikadam7569]

This is a very beautiful, very informative video. Thank you so much! Very very helpful! ✨🫶🏾

[@Stephdayosteph]

Fantastic video and very accurate info, thanks for sharing awareness.

[@Phyrra]

You're welcome!

[@blendofdays]

Great content! 44yr old polyamorous pan here! 🙌💜

[@Phyrra]

💜💜💜 Sending hugs from this 43 year old!

[@blendofdays]

@@Phyrra cool! When you said 3 decades I had a feeling we must be close in age! ✨⭐✨

[@Phyrra]

@@blendofdays definitely! ✨⭐✨ Hope you're having a fabulous Sunday.

[@hellenoire]

I am “monogamous” (I guess?), however I feel like I always relied on the safety of monogamy because of personal trauma and insecurities (trust issues, jealousy, etc). Part of me really wants to overcome those issues and embrace a healthy polyamorous lifestyle. Would you say Polysecure provides some guidance on how to deal with that / is a good book to start? I will definitely check out all of your recommendations, but that one stood out to me! Thank you so much for this video. 🖤

[@Phyrra]

I would say that PolySecure might be a really good one for you to start with first!

[@michellerhodes5477]

This is a very interesting topic. I've been a sub for years so I knew you were in a polygamous relationship. I would totally embrace this but my husband would not.

[@Phyrra]

It's definitely not for everyone, but appreciate people being willing to hear about it. I figured if that newsweek article was anywhere near accurate, people would at least be open to learning about it.

[@rachelw74]

Thank you so much for this video!

[@Phyrra]

You are so welcome!

[@jemith]

Is it possible for a demisexual person to have a romantic interest in someone they don’t know very well, without feeling any sexual urges? In my youth, people I dated were confused by the fact that I pushed them away sexually, and I was confused at how they could make physical advances before we had established a strong, committed relationship. I definitely had powerful feelings for them, but it was all above the waist until the emotional bond was deep. A couple of partners suggested I was asexual, but that was not accurate. Might I fall in the demisexual category, or is there another term for this kind of dynamic? I kind of wish that word had been around back in those days- it might have helped me establish boundaries without disappointing anyone.

[@Phyrra]

That could fall somewhere on the demisexual or asexual spectrum. I'm still trying to get a grasp on my demi side (I understand my bisexuality and polyamory much better). What's really helped me the most has been joining the r/demisexuality/ on reddit and reading through other experiences there, in addition to watching some of Evie's videos on demisexuality.

[@jemith]

@@Phyrra thanks for your reply! I look forward to exploring Evie’s channel.

[@irisw9482]

Thank you for this video!

[@Phyrra]

You are so welcome!

[@denisemarie6131]

I can see that throughout the ages people have been in relationships with more than just one partner, but who came up with all the terms you are mentioning: hinge...triad...? And do you know who came up with the other names as in demisexual and neurodivergent? When I was a teenager, there was the group of people who hung with each other and "hooked up" with each other. And then one by one each person was coming down with venereal disease. Share and share alike! At the time it hit me like a scene from a soap opera.

[@Phyrra]

I'm unsure of who came up with the terms. Most polyamorous people I know get regular STI testing done yearly and before adding new partners.

[@FrankenFunder]

Neurodivergent is another way of saying you're on the spectrum. You have autism or adhd etc. As someone who is an undiagnosed autist waiting on a mental health referral it means the world to me that there is a reason why I am what I am. The way in which i present myself it's become obvious I have what used to be referred to as aspergers syndrome (a form of autism with low support needs). It explains why I see things differently, how eye contact with people I didn't know very well is hard. How I struggle to make small talk in social situations and approach people I didn't already know for informal conversation. It explains why I stim and why I have sensory overload and sound sensitivity issues. The demisexual label which I also share helps explains why I cannot feel sexual attraction to people I don't have a deep emotional connection with. Hookup culture isn't for me as a result. I can't look at a person I fancy and think I'd do them. I need to befriend them and be joint at the hip with them talking most days for like 3 months in order to feel comfortable opening up sexually to a person. Which explains why both my play partners are friends with benefits with an emphasis on the friends part. We don't just sleep together and do kink related things. We will also go out for brunch, shopping, cinema, swimming and have days out together as regular friends but we have the sexual element there as a bonus. One of them I'm in a Ds dynamic with the other I am not. If you're going to ask who came up with those terms like labels have no importance then ask yourself why is a word called a word in the first place. It clearly has importance to a person's identity and its good to respect that. It helps us explain ourselves instead of feeling like a freak. Like when I got diagnosed with PCOS it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders I could say I'm not a freak. I have a diagnosable hormone problem and it helped me come to terms with myself and realise I'm not alone. If you want to learn about demisexuality I really reccomend evie lupine's video on the subject. Pup amp from Watts the safeword also put out a video explaining how he came to terms with being demisexual. For educational content on autism I really recommend Dan's channel The Aspie World (TAW) for more information. Knowledge is power at the end of the day

[@FrankenFunder]

Also to add on to what phyrra has said the people you are describing don't sound safe. In the bdsm community it is seen as good practice to get a full STI test every 3 months. Here in the UK the minimum the NHS allows is 3 months so you go to a clinic or send away for a mail order kit. As a person with a vagina you take a swab from there, a swab from your ass and a swab from your throat. These test for things like gonorrhoea and chlamydia. A blood sample can test for things like syphilis and HIV. When the results are back you get a text back to say your results are negative which means you are in the clear and can show your partners this. It is important that everyone does their regular checks

[@MSUSPARTANS1973]

Holy Smokes! This is so confusing! So are you born into the desire to be polygamous, or does it come from how your experiences has shaped you. This is just one of 113 questions I have.🤔

[@Phyrra]

It's a part of who I am.

[@kenofken9458]

I'm convinced that at some basic level a person is either wired for it or not.

[@MSUSPARTANS1973]

@@kenofken9458 I know much about it! But I think you’re right. 👏

[@FrankenFunder]

I mean for me I was brought up traditionalist coming from a Christian household. I was the first to rebel and came out pagan. Over the years I have realised after being in multiple abusive monogamous relationships one after the other with a narcissist that the traditional monogamous format just doesn't work for me as I have too much trauma and emotional baggage at this point and it's not fair to subject one person to all of that. So I would say for me it was learned that the traditional framework doesn't work for me as all it brings me is pain. Having two play mates makes me happier and that way I'm not so overbearing on one person. I always have someone I can talk to no matter what and it stops me from being clingy. Its just something I've grown into personally

[@MSUSPARTANS1973]

@@FrankenFunder I’m sorry you suffered so much Be happy!😀